


Working Holiday

by Pandoras_loss



Series: Changing Fate series [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Teen Winchesters, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-13 03:34:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 87
Words: 306,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9104905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandoras_loss/pseuds/Pandoras_loss
Summary: Sixth in the Changing Fate Series. This is an alternate universe of Supernatural seasons 1-3 and takes place during the final 2 weeks of season 7 (Sounds confusing, but it makes sense if you've read the other books in the series).Chuck has sent Dean and Beth on a working holiday, one that may prove fatal if they don't change Dean's fate of going to Hell.  Their family was given an opportunity to join them.  Who stayed behind to take care of what's left of the human race in their post-Apocalyptic lives, and who agreed to help them on their second chance?  And what could Chuck possibly want all of them to learn?  What's so dangerous about his mission that he would risk eliminating his Chosen, the final hope in an otherwise desolate universe, for a training exercise that's anything but easy?  Does Chuck actually have a plan in place to pull them out before it's too late, or is this something they have to see all the way through to the end?





	1. First Hunt For a Sceptic

**Author's Note:**

> It is strongly advised that people read This Is Your Choice (Part 1), Regrets Lead Nowhere Good (Part 2), Finding Survivors (Part 3), Rising Up Through the Ashes (Part 4), and God's Plan (Part 5) first.
> 
> I do not own the rights or credit for creating Supernatural or the characters from the show, including: Sam and Dean Winchester, John Winchester, Gabriel, Ellen and Jo Harvelle, Meg Masters, Azazel or Missouri Moseley, to name a few.
> 
> Original characters created by me: Elsbeth (Beth) Foley, Rogue Winchester.
> 
> Chapters are written in the the first person when the point of view comes from Beth, and alternating chapters are written in the third person when the point of view comes from another character that is the focus. Typically, the focus of the third person chapters is mentioned in the first or second sentence.
> 
> There is bad language and graphic violence in this. There is also sex.

Dean went from waiting for Beth and his brother to finish up his brother’s homework to glancing at the motel phone when it rang once and then stopped. It hadn’t rung in a few weeks. He and Sam shared a look. It was nearly the end of the year. Sam was getting ready for his finals. Those started on Monday. Their Dad knew that. Their Dad probably wanted them to move on from here and meet up with him somewhere else after they were finished. 

Sam grabbed Beth and said something about needing food when the phone started ringing again. As soon as they left, Dean answered it. It was short and to the point. Their Dad had a hunt he wanted them to do. Nothing about them leaving. Dean relaxed when the call was over. It was decision time, but not the big decision he hadn’t wanted to make. 

Did he want to tell Beth everything and bring her along on a hunt so he could prove he was telling the truth? Yeah. Was he ready to ask her to go with them when they left . . . no. 

If he asked her to come with him right now, it’d ruin everything. She’d think he was a freak, turn him down, and probably never talk to him again. The only way he could see getting around it was for he and Sam to stay here longer, and take her on a few hunts . . . hunting was the perfect fit for her, and once she figured that out, he could maybe use that to convince her to come with him, but the problem with that was figuring out a way to get his Dad to let them stay here longer. 

So far the best he’d come up with was to tell his Dad he needed to stay until he got his GED. If he got that, his Dad would be able to bring him on hunts full-time, and that’s something his Dad wanted, so it might make his Dad let him stay here longer if the trade-off was Dean hunting full-time sooner. Beth would be finishing up high school at the end of next week. She could do what she wanted after that . . . if she got her Dad to agree to it . . . and if Dean could figure out a way to get his Dad to let her come with them, which . . . well, that was never going to happen. He didn’t know what to do about that, but he had to come up with something.

The last two weeks had been the best he could remember having for a long time. He’d always thought the Thundercat’s girl was one of the best memories he’d had in school. She was as much fun now as she was then. 

She figured out who he was as soon as his brother told her his name on the way out from their first study session. The first thing she’d said to him when she climbed in the back of the car was, “Put any frogs in any teacher’s desks lately?” He’d been unprepared for her to be there for starters, and he had no idea what she was talking about, so he got awkward and looked like a moron until she smiled and said, “Elsbeth Foley . . . I might’ve gone by Elsbeth Wessonsmith, so I could sit next to you when we were little.” 

She’d reached her hand over the backseat to shake his hand, and he’d stared at her hand a few seconds until his brother nudged him, which again . . . so not cool and then it was another few seconds before he figured out what she was talking about and grinned while he said, “You’re the Thundercats girl?” 

She took her hand back, and he’d missed out on the chance of touching her again, but she smiled and said, “Think I like Thundercats girl better . . . makes me sound cooler than I am.” Then they’d explained to Sam what they were talking about. 

After that, he’d met up with her for lunch every day and snuck off to meet up with her in the library . . . until he got caught. He’d told them he was there to study for his GED, but they still kicked him out and told him he needed his Dad’s permission to do that, so he got the papers he needed, forged his Dad’s signature, and handed them in the next day. 

Now he got to spend all day at school with her. Then she’d help Sam with his stuff after school, and the three of them spent the nights together hanging out. On Saturday, the three of them snuck into an amusement park in the area . . . Sunday she had them exploring some caves and swimming in a lake not far from there. 

Sam thought she was great. He was like her little self-appointed bodyguard, and it was getting a little annoying, because Sam didn’t trust him around her and was always there. Dean could’ve taken advantage of the library time he had with her, but when she studied, she took it seriously, which meant he had to study or get caught staring at her, and the rest of the time they ended up just talking, which he actually liked doing with her, but he didn’t want to be friend-zoned. That’s where this was heading if it wasn’t already there.

Sam wouldn’t want him to tell her about the hunt, so the first thing Dean said when they got back was, “Dad found us a case nearby. He wants us to do it this weekend . . . nothing too difficult. Just a salt and burn,” because he knew even if Sam found a way to cover that, her interest would be piqued enough that she’d start looking into it. Sam’s reaction was worth it. 

He quickly shoved her back out the door. “We forgot salsa. You need go get some. I can’t eat it without salsa.” 

“But I thought you said –“

Sam slammed the door in her face, and by the time he turned around, Dean was laughing. “If she wasn’t gonna look into it after what I said, she will now.”

“You can’t do this, Dean! She has a chance for something real . . . something normal. You can’t take that from her just because you –“ 

Dean turned away from the phone to go sit on his bed while he said, “I know what she wants, and it’s not what you’re describing. You’re saying what you want, Sam.” 

Sam checked the window to see if she was really gone, and then faced Dean. “Maybe I don’t want anything to happen to her, and it will if she does what we do. She’s never even held a gun before, Dean. You’re being selfish.” 

Dean ducked his head before he took a deep breath and said, “I think she was born to be a hunter. Why do you think everything else bores her? She needs this.” 

“She needs this, or you need her? This’ll get her killed, and then you won’t have her. You’re doing well here, getting your GED . . . I thought maybe –“ 

Dean quickly looked up at him and said, “That I’d give it up . . . stay here with her? Then what? I’m not moving in with her wherever she goes to college, while you go off with Dad on your own. Hunting is what I want to do, Sam. It’s what she’ll want to do once we show her the ropes, but if you’re so worried about it, I’ll take her for target practice . . . see how she gets on . . . might take a little while, but I think she’s gonna be a natural.” 

Sam sat on the bed across from him and argued, “See . . . you have been thinking about it. You wouldn’t have said that thing about moving in with her when she goes to college if you hadn’t at least thought about it. This could be your chance to –“ 

“I’m bringing her into the family business . . . one she’ll be good . . . maybe even great at, not leaving you and Dad.” 

“Then you are being selfish . . . you want it both ways, and there is no way Dad is going to let her come with us.” 

He wasn’t being selfish. He wanted her to be a part of his family, which meant telling her everything about them. _That’s what you do when you meet someone, isn’t it? They join your family. This isn’t any different than that._ He’d figure out a way around his Dad. He’d take her for target practice every day to make sure she got up to his Dad’s standards, and she was going on that hunt with them. She’d be fine, and his Dad would have to go along with it . . . eventually. He’d just have to maybe have her tail them and not let his Dad know about it at first, and when his Dad took off on a hunt with him . . . she could stay with Sam and train without his Dad ever knowing. He’d work on the plan. He had time to do that . . . maybe.

They dropped her off that night after the shooting range, and as soon as she closed the door, Dean turned to look at Sam. “See . . . told you she’d be a natural.” Sam wasn’t talking to him. The better she’d done, the less he’d said. 

It was quiet the whole way back to the motel. Sam slammed every door between the car and the bathroom. When he got out looking like he was ready for bed, he looked at Dean and said, “This isn’t over,” and then got into bed and rolled over to face the wall. 

When Dean went to pick her up on Saturday, Beth was already waiting by the door. “I can’t go with you wherever you’re going for this surprise thing you’ve got. Someone slipped a note under the door of the principal’s office yesterday just before the end of the day. It indicated they saw me at the prom and thought I was acting suspicious. Dad was waiting for me with it when I got home last night. He thinks he might’ve smoothed things over, but it’s kind of up in the air at the moment. We’re supposed to talk to the cops investigating the case tomorrow . . . tell Sam . . . I don’t think it has, but tell him whoever it was ruined my chances to get into college. See what he thinks of that. I saw a copy of the note the principal gave my Dad, and I know Sam’s handwriting . . . whatever it is you two are up to tonight that he doesn’t want me to do . . . have fun.” Her Dad showed up behind her, and Dean gave her a nod before he backed down the steps.

_How’s the best way to play this?_ He could start off letting Sam know he was pissed at him straight away, but instead he didn’t say anything when he got in the car. It was simmering under the surface though. He almost lost his cool when Sam looked out the window and said, “So, she’s not coming? You changed your mind, or -“ 

“No . . . something about her chance at college going up in flames. Her Dad came to the door before she could fill me in on much.” 

He hated it when Sam lied to him . . . Maybe he wasn’t being completely honest with Sam, but maybe he was. Maybe her going to college was out of the question now depending on how tomorrow went with the cops. Sam betrayed his trust, and now he was flat out lying to him. 

“Why wouldn’t she be able to go to college? She’s earned it. She’s the smartest person I –“

“I don’t know, Sam. She said she and her Dad have a meeting with the cops tomorrow. I’m guessing most colleges won’t let her in if they book her, and they might if they found any evidence that ties her to the gym. That prom disaster is the biggest thing that’s happened in this town in who knows how long.” 

She wore gloves when she did the fire alarm. Maybe she wore them when she was putting the whole thing together. God, this was a complete fucking nightmare if she didn’t. The more Dean thought about it, the more pissed off he got. The thought of visiting her in juvie didn’t sound as hot as he’d thought it would, especially if they did something like bump her up to being an adult. She was clearly a fucking genius and knew what she was doing the way an adult would. If they did that, who knew how long her sentence would be. 

If Sam had wanted to find a way to make Dean stay here, this was the best way to do it. He’d have to find a job and get an apartment to rent somewhere near wherever she was being held, so he could visit her as many times as he was allowed. He wasn’t gonna leave her there on her own, especially not when it was his fault she was there. Should’ve never said anything to Sam, but he’d thought he could trust him.

Unable to keep up the act any longer, Dean went back to the motel, parked, leaned over Sam and opened the passenger side door. “Get out.” 

“What?” 

I need someone that I trust to have my back, and right now I don’t trust you. I’m gonna go take care of this one on my own. Get out, Sam.” 

“I didn’t –“ 

“Enough with the lying. She saw the note. Had your handwriting all over it. You completely fucked her over, Sam . . . You might not have wanted her to be a hunter, but that’s about all she’ll be able to do if things go wrong tomorrow.” 

Sam sighed and got out before he looked back in and said, “If she hadn’t done it, there’d be nothing for her to go down for would there? It’s not my fault if she does,” before he slammed the door shut. 

No, she pulled it off perfectly . . . if he hadn’t told Sam, none of this would be happening, and those girls had needed someone to stand up for them. Those girls that’d been picked on . . . Megan, the super smart one, wasn’t there the whole week after the prom, because she was in the hospital after she tried . . . well, anyway the reception she got from the other kids in school after she came back . . . and seeing kids that never said, ‘hi’ to either of those two girls say it to them now, like they were important . . . them getting a spot at a cafeteria table with other kids that had their back now . . . that was as important. 

Beth may not have literally saved their lives, and she may have gone over the top to prove her point, but nobody would forget what happened, so her lesson would stick. She’d done the right thing the same way he and Sam did the right thing when they desecrated graves for a salt and burn. Neither was legal, but it didn’t make it wrong.

By the time Dean got to the derelict house his Dad had put him onto, he was thinking maybe he should talk to her Dad and offer for him and Sam to take her away from here until this blew over. He knew her Dad didn’t think he could take care of her . . . this whole thing almost proved that, because it was his fault anyone knew what she did, but he’d do better. He could take care of her. He knew he could. 

Switching off the car, Dean grabbed what he needed from under the false bottom in the trunk before he took a good look at the house. _Why the hell do realtors think they can sell this place?_ It was practically falling down, but no . . . realtor last week went in and was found hung in the basement . . . realtor two years ago . . . same thing. Maybe they were planning on knocking it and using the land, but why go into the shitty house? 

The spirit of some dead guy that hung himself in the basement here 40 years ago was probably responsible so Dean was just gonna go in to make sure he had that right. It wasn’t always that cut and dry. There could be something tying the guy to the house, so the salt and burn wouldn’t work, or maybe it wasn’t the guy from 40 years ago at all. Might be what killed that guy. If he was flying solo, he didn’t want any surprises when he went to do the salt and burn in the cemetery up the road.

He went around back and broke in through the kitchen door. No other houses nearby, so he didn’t have to worry about being seen or heard, but according to the floor plans of this place, the basement door was in the kitchen. Besides, he’d probably fall through the shitty floorboards in the living room if he went in through the front. 

Pulling out his EMF reader, Dean walked around the kitchen. The readings were pretty low. They were a little higher near the basement door, but nothing off the charts yet. He kept his sawn off in one hand and the flashlight in the other, but left the EMF reader on in the bag slung over his shoulder. Since he was here on his own, that was the only back up he had. 

Dusty old basement filled with cobwebs, crappy wooden stairs that felt like they were gonna give any second, railing to his right that’d probably fall over and land on the floor if he touched it . . . yeah, definitely a place some family would want to buy and fix up. He got to the bottom and felt mildly relieved to be touching a dirt floor that wouldn’t collapse. Maybe he should just set this death trap on fire, so nobody could come in here and then go do the salt and burn. Couldn’t hurt. Getting rid of this place would be like a public service. 

Dean scanned the basement with his flashlight beam and didn’t see anything, so he started throwing some salt and lighter fluid around the place. He took extra time to make sure he got both up on the beams along the ceiling if there was anything tying the spirit to one of those. It did like to hang people.

He was just finishing that up when the EMF reader in his bag started screaming half a second before the battery on his flashlight drained. Fuck. The moonlight coming in through the basement window at the back didn’t give him much light, but it was something. Still wouldn’t be able to see well enough to find his way to the crappy staircase without tripping over something if he was in a hurry, so he lit the matchbook in his pocket to light way. He’d toss it into the lighter fluid he’d already poured when he got to the bottom step. Least he hadn’t felt any cold . . . son of a bitch. 

Feeling the icy chill run up his back, he exhaled and saw his breath in the air before turning . . . definitely not the fucking dead guy from 40 years ago . . . some haggard old bitch that picked him up and threw him. Dean dropped the matches nowhere near one of the places he’d poured the lighter fluid and scrambled to get to them before they could go out. He had his zippo, so he could use that, but he liked this one. He didn’t want to have to get rid of it if he didn’t have to yet. 

Just as he got to the matches, the spirit made the wind in here pick up enough that it blew them out. Now he was stuck mostly in the dark in a shitty house with some bitch he didn’t know how to kill. He kept a tight hold on his sawn off. He didn’t feel any cold spots anymore. He’d just come back tomorrow after he researched the place a little more. See if he could figure out who she was. 

He made it up 3-steps before he was pulled back down into the basement. Hitting the ground hard, he didn’t have time to register he was on his back before he was picked up and thrown into something else. He kept flying into shit and couldn’t see what he was hitting, but they felt like walls and support beams. If the spirit kept doing that shit, she’d knock the house down on top of them . . . And then he fell and everything went silent. That had to be bad.

Slowly getting to his feet, he tried to figure out exactly where he was now in relation to the stairs. He’d lost his sawn off somewhere along the way, but still had his zippo, so he lit that and took a rapid step back as it illuminated her ugly face inches from his. Must’ve made him step right where she wanted him, because seconds later, something wrapped around his neck and started to lift him off the ground. 

His first reaction was to drop the zippo on the ground and bring his hands up to his neck to try and loosen it. Fuck. Electrical cord. Not as easy to get out of as rope, but he had a knife on him too. If he didn’t mind suffocating more for a few seconds, he could let go of the cord wrapped around his neck and reach it. That’s what Dean was in the middle of trying to do when the bitch in front of him broke up with a screech, and he saw Beth standing there. How’d she always find the best ways to make him feel uncool . . . he was on a fucking hunt . . . should’ve been his territory. She shouldn’t be saving his ass.

Beth came over to lift him up and take some of the pressure off his neck, and then grabbed the knife he’d been trying to reach, so she could hand it to him. He cut himself down, and as soon as his feet hit the ground, he bent down to pick up the zippo before he scanned the basement for his sawn off and found it. He was chalking that up to beginner’s luck. She needed to get out of here. 

Dean was pushing Beth towards the stairs when the spirit appeared in front of her. At the same time Beth took a swipe at it with whatever she had in her hand, he knocked her down, so he could shoot the spirit, but it was gone by the time she hit the ground. He still hadn’t done anything on this damn hunt. Picking Beth up, Dean started pushing her towards the stairs ahead of him again, but she stopped him. “You need to find out where she’s buried, right? I think it’s the first dead guy’s wife. Maybe she’s buried down here.” 

The wind picked up again, and his lighter blew out. Beth was there one second and gone the next, but he could hear her being thrown into something to his right. She must’ve clocked that bitch again before it could do anything else to her, because he heard her getting to her feet and saying, “I don’t really know why you do this at night. Makes more sense to do it during the day when you can actually see.” 

Flicking his Zippo back on, Dean found her hand, so he could pull her behind him towards the stairs. Pushing her in front of him just didn’t seem to be working out. “There’s more spirit activity at night . . . most monsters do their hunting at night . . . and there aren’t as many witnesses to see what it is we do, but if you do a salt and burn, doesn’t matter what time of day it is, they’ll always try and stop you.” They could finish this in the morning. Maybe Beth was right about the wife being down here, but he wanted to see what he was doing if he had to dig her out of a wall or the floor. 

“And they drain batteries, so flashlights are out. Why not use an old fashioned torch?” 

Dean looked back at her. He could tell she didn’t mean anything by it. She was saying it, because she wanted to finish this now. He half thought she had a torch lying around somewhere just in case she needed one, because she’d obviously read the batteries thing before she got here. “I didn’t screw up because I used a flashlight. I screwed up, because I didn’t use my lighter when I had the chance.” _I’m so fucking stupid._

When he got her back to the car, Dean asked her how she knew he was there. She took a deep breath while she looked towards the house and said, “Are you kidding? You and your brother are crap at hiding what you do. The two of you were acting weird all week. You weren’t studying in the library the way you were the two weeks before that. This week you were researching using the school’s computer and printing stuff off about this place . . . left your stuff lying around inside your GED book, so I had a look and started doing my own research . . . I came up with a few possible things it could’ve been. I wanted to see if I was right. I wasn’t. I didn’t really expect that.” 

He knew she was meant to do this. That was pretty good surveillance on her part, because he knew he and Sam weren’t crap at hiding what they did, and neither one of them caught that she’d known all week what they were planning. And she didn’t freak out in there. She kept her cool. He didn’t see her car. Maybe he could give her a lift back, and they could talk about this a bit more. “How’d you get here?”

Looking back towards the road, Beth answered, “This place is pretty isolated, so the only people I needed to keep from knowing I was here were you and Sam. He really didn’t want me here, so I thought if I wanted to show up and catch him by surprise, it’d be best to park my Dad’s car out on the road. Dad said I couldn’t go with you. He never said I couldn’t find my own way here.” 

So, she snuck out to do this? He looked down at her hand and said, “What’s that?” 

She lifted it to show him. “An iron fire poker from our house. I didn’t expect a spirit . . . don’t really believe in them, or I didn’t, but I came prepared for it just in case . . . you said something about salt and iron the first night we met. I thought it was a better option than chucking our salt shaker at it.” 

He smiled. She must’ve believed in spirits more than she was willing to admit, or she wouldn’t have brought it, so he said that, and she tilted her head to the side, while she considered it. “Maybe I’m a little more like Moulder than I thought.” 

_I want to believe, but I need proof to back it up?_ “Why do you think it was the first dead guy’s wife? I didn’t see anything about a wife.” 

Beth looked at the house again and said, “Census records from just before he moved here. That census and the census before that . . . he was married. That’s at least 10 years of marriage. Then he moved here . . . and like you said, the obituary didn’t say anything about him being survived by anyone . . . no parents or kids or anyone. I checked the obits next to his, and they all had surviving family members. They would’ve mentioned his wife if they’d known he had one. I checked a few death certificates and old police reports from here and the town where they used to live . . . said I was doing a report for school on my family tree. Her family filed a missing persons report for her less than a week after he moved here. Maybe he killed her when they got here, or he killed her there and brought something of hers with him that’s in that basement. I mean that’s the way it works, right? They need something with their DNA on it to be tied down to or . . . something.” 

She’d researched this hunt and spirits a lot for someone that claimed she only brought the iron just in case she needed it, so he laughed. “What? Maybe I’m just nosey and wanted to know what the guy’s life was like.” She did like history, but the spirits? He wondered if she researched them the same way she researched wendigos after he told her about them . . . Sam said she had a book on them in her room. Maybe she was interested in him? It was hard to tell. Maybe she just wanted to be a good friend.

He decided to drop it and looked back at the house. “Any ideas where they lived before he moved here?” 

“Somewhere near Branson, Missouri.” 

That made this one a bit of a bitch if the wife’s body wasn’t in this house. “He was here for almost a year before he died . . . maybe the paper knew she was missing . . . presumed dead. Wouldn’t have put that in the obit.” 

He glanced at her when he finished and she smiled. “So what are you thinking?” 

Hanging his head, Dean said, “I think this one is going to be a bitch to finish. If the missing persons report was filed less than a week after he moved here . . . maybe he left her. Or maybe he moved here first to start work, and she was supposed to come later, but didn’t want to for some reason . . . Either way I think she disappeared because she ran off and hung herself somewhere. I mean she’s killing people that way for a reason. 

When he moved here, maybe he brought some of her stuff with him . . . I have no idea how it could still be in there. The place hasn’t been sold since it happened, but the bank’s tried to sell it a lot. Can’t imagine they wouldn’t have had a team go in and clean up his belongings in 40 years. Maybe he buried whatever it is in the basement. Sometimes people do things like that to bless a house . . . bury something that means something to them or a family member . . . usually at the threshold, but maybe he buried it down there, because it has a dirt floor . . . or maybe he was planning on selling the place again soon . . . Sometimes people think if you bury a St. Joseph statue upside down in the yard it’ll make the house sell faster, but maybe he put it in the basement. Maybe it was her statue . . . Have to get rid of whatever it is and her body . . . I need to start calling her family members or have a look in the library tomorrow to see if any unidentified human remains were found down there that could’ve been her. She’ll come back if I can’t narrow down where she might be . . . not here after we get rid of whatever is in that house, but near wherever her body is.”

When he looked up at her again he was kind of caught off guard, because he had her undivided attention, and it unnerved him. “What?” She looked confused on why he’d asked that, so he said, “That look . . . Why were you looking at me like that just now?” 

She shrugged. “It’s good to see the way your mind works. You’re good at this.” He’d fucked this hunt up . . . hadn’t put the research in that he should have. He ducked his head and shook it, but before he could say anything, she added, “You’ve never had someone be impressed with you before?” 

Impressed? No. Not for hunting. His Dad might say the occasional, ‘Good job, son,’ or something like that at the end of a hunt, but his Dad was never impressed with him. Sam wasn’t impressed. Neither one of them would be impressed with what happened tonight. “I screwed up in there . . . nothing to be impressed by.” 

Dean went past her to get in his car, but stopped when she said, “You won’t go back in alone, right?” 

“Why? You gonna be my back up?” 

“If I don’t get probation or something, yeah, sure . . . bring Sam with you if I can’t be here.” 

“Wait. So, you were being serious about the cops earlier?” 

She turned and started walking down the driveway before she said, “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine . . . I’m more worried about you and Sam. Good night, Dean.” 

“Wait.” 

She stopped, and Dean caught up with her and asked her what she was talking about. “Unless he knocked out the cameras, they’re going to see that Sam is the one that put that letter under the door. They’re going to want to know why he did that if they don’t find any evidence to implicate me . . . and they won’t. I didn’t leave any. It’s going to raise all kinds of questions you guys don’t want asked now that the police are involved.” 

_If she still isn’t going to get caught, why -_ “Don’t fess up to keep the focus off us. Give me tonight, and I’ll come up with something. What time is your meeting tomorrow?” She looked off to the side before she told him it was at 11, so he said, “I’ll meet you at your house at 930 . . . I’ll fix it . . . for everyone. Just don’t do anything before I can, all right?” 

Dean held his breath while he waited for her to answer. Having her agree to something seemed important. He knew she’d keep her word if she gave it to him, so when she nodded, he finally exhaled. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow morning . . . and, uh . . . good luck with your Dad.” 

She smiled and said, “It pays to be related to a lawyer. You learn all kinds of things about word play. He’ll be annoyed and impressed at the same time,” before she turned to leave again, but Dean didn’t want to leave it at that. He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back to him, so he could take advantage of Sam not being around. The kiss this time was just as good as he remembered the first time being. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of the way it felt kissing her. 

When he pulled back a minute later, he looked down at her and smiled. “So, for the record, I’m not stuck in the friend-zone.” Watching his lips, she shook her head a little, and it almost broke his will power not to go back for more, but that’s how he was going to leave it. He still wanted to take things slow with her. He just wanted to know where he stood, and now he did, so he was good with where things were as he let her go and said, “930 . . . expect to see me then, and I want your help on the rest of the case,” before he got in his car to play it cool this time and watched her walk away through the rear view mirror. 

Seeing her light up a cigarette before she turned the corner to walk up the road to her car might’ve made him exhale a laugh and boost his confidence some. Things were definitely looking up there. Now he just had to go back to the motel and get Sam on board with his plan for the morning.


	2. Some Things Follow You No Matter Where You Go

We made calls to Branson and found a potential hit on some unidentified remains that’d been found a couple of years ago, roughly around the same time the first realtor was killed. Before we could deal with those, we had to locate and get rid of whatever was tying her to that house. It was a St. Joseph medal that the man had buried in the basement. Dean hadn’t been too far off. I was impressed. Sam wasn’t. Sam was mostly a little jerk for that part of the hunt. 

After we got rid of the medal, Dad gave the go ahead on me being able to with them to Missouri to get rid of her remains. He’d officially sorted the mess with the authorities, and school had finished on Friday, so there was no real reason, I couldn’t go . . . or that’s what he said, but not without another warning to Dean to keep his hands to himself. 

It was our first trial run, and I thought it went pretty well. Even with Sam being against it the whole time, he wasn’t too bad. He let me know what he thought every chance he got, but that was his prerogative the same way not listening to him was mine, and things started to go back to the way they had been by the time we came back a few days later. I made sure we did whatever Sam wanted when we got back, because I knew he wanted to do something that had nothing to do with hunting, and I guess he really liked swimming up at the lake, so that’s what we did the whole next day. 

That night we went to get pizza, because that’s what Sam wanted, and then things kind of took a turn, but not with Sam. I was sitting across from Sam and Dean, the way I always did, and felt a presence to my right. When I looked, there were a lot of presences there . . . 6 to be exact. I guess they wanted to stop by our table on their way out the door. I also guess I should’ve seen this coming. I did ruin their prom . . . well, Dean helped ruin the prom experience for 3 of them before I set the fire sprinklers off, but still . . . I didn’t necessarily make it all that much better for them. 

One of the girls standing at the back decided to go first. “Guess it pays to have a dad that’s a lawyer . . . That’s the only reason you’re not locked up right now.” 

_I don’t know about locked up, but on probation probably._ No matter what my Dad did to clear my name, in the court of public opinion, I was still guilty, and public opinion wasn’t wrong. Best not to say anything to confirm it. I went back to my pizza.

“Yeah, my parents said they’re going to send my dress to your Dad, so he can pay to have it dry cleaned and maybe replaced if it can’t be,” another girl said. 

It didn’t look like they were just going to go away, so I responded. “Replaced? So, you can stare at a duplicate on a hanger? You won’t wear the same thing next year. That’s a fashion faux pas. It was a frivolous waste of money for one night.” 

That seemed to have made them think I was inviting them to join us. One of the girls pushed into the seat next to me, and one of the girls that was staring daggers at Dean moved forward to press her hands against the table and put her cleavage pretty close to his face. She was pretty well endowed. I thought she looked striking, but she was making Dean uncomfortable, and that was before she said, “So, I take it braniac over there is a slut . . . she must be if –“ 

Apparently not something she should’ve said, because it pissed him off. “She didn’t do anything to you. Don’t call her that.” 

Another one of his conquests said, “So, we shouldn’t call her braniac? Slut works for me,” and I laughed. I laughed because it didn’t bother me, but it obviously bothered him, and he’d unintentionally made it worse . . . I found it amusing. 

The one leaning on the table said, “You think that’s funny? How does ‘whore’ sound?” 

I exhaled another laugh before saying, “One gets paid . . . one doesn’t . . . If you’re asking me for career advice, I’d say go with getting paid.“ 

The girl sitting next to me poured my water over my head. That was fair. I did pretty much the same thing to her with buckets of corn syrup, and I’d already been swimming all day. It didn’t bother me, and I think it annoyed her that it didn’t, because she said, “God, you’re a freak . . . a fat, ugly . . . freak.” 

“You’re vocabulary needs improvement . . . keep trying.” I waited a few seconds for her to come up with something else or maybe just throw my pizza in my face. “Nothing? Not even the obvious . . . bitch, skank, cunt? You know what I think . . . I think what happened at the prom is the best thing that’s ever happened to you . . . If nothing else, it cut through the sludge of mediocrity in this town, and now you have a good story to tell even if you haven’t learned the moral of it yet.” 

That earned me a slap across the face that I’d probably deserved. “You don’t know me . . . you -“ 

She stopped when I raised my hand to let Dean know I had this. My eyes were on her, but I could see him in my periphery, and that slap had made him . . . I guess you could say even angrier. The last thing we needed was for her to go running off and say he assaulted her by physically removing her from the booth, and I actually thought I was getting somewhere . . . she wasn’t just going with insults anymore. 

“Enlighten me . . . what makes you different from any other bully out there, Chelsea? I think you search out weakness, because you want the kids at school to see it in someone else before they can see it in you . . . I’m guessing your perceived faults are pointed out to you on a regular basis . . . and I don’t mean by the kids at school.” I paused when she looked down. That meant I was probably right. “You don’t feel remorse for what you’ve done, because it’s all about self-preservation for you and maybe taking it out on others, and that is not a path you want to continue down, because it doesn’t lead anywhere good. That is what you should take away from what happened at prom . . . Katy back there has learned something from it . . . every time I saw her the last two weeks of school, she was doing something nice to try and make it up to Megan and Tiffany, and it wasn’t just because the other kids around here finally started standing up for them . . . Gemma . . . Gemma doesn’t really think she’s to blame for any of it . . . She follows your lead, and that gives her a certain amount of deniability . . . She’s just following orders, kind of like the Nazis . . . but she’s backed off on it because popular opinion matters more than just yours. You want to know what would make you different . . . go over to their houses and apologize to them . . . take stock of your own weaknesses, and stop seeing them as weaknesses . . . accept them as part of who you are, and then nobody can use them against you.“ 

Chelsea finally looked at me and said, “Says the girl who has it all . . . colleges lined up around the block . . . Rich Daddy that can get her out of trouble . . . from the looks of things a hot boyfriend . . . you have no idea what you’ve done, the kinds of problems I’ve had at school since . . . you have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

Yeah, I did have an idea of what she was going through at school. It’s one of the benefits of blending into the background. You get to see a lot. I sat back and said, “Lay it on me . . . give me one of the things you’ve heard. I’ll see what I can come up with in response without insulting someone back.” 

She gave me a dirty look and was going to leave but Gemma said, “A cross-eyed has-been.” 

_Fuck. That’s harsh._ Her eyes were a little close together, but she was really pretty. Kids were awful. _Maybe I should blow up the football field next._ “I’d probably say something like . . . the golden ratio isn’t everything and at least you have good depth perception . . . makes you more like a predator than prey . . . can’t be a has-been if you’re like a femme fatale.” 

Sam laughed. That was the first I’d heard from him. It would appear he was enjoying himself, like someone watching their favorite TV show. He glanced at Gemma and said, “That’s a good one . . . look it up when you go home, so you know what it means. It’s better to have a comeback you understand . . . even better when the person you say it to doesn’t.” The only reason that didn’t come off as an insult was because he said it like it was a helpful suggestion. She had looked a little confused.

Katy said something, so I came up with a similar response for her, and Gemma came out with a couple more before Chelsea gave in and said a couple and then added one I strongly suspected her parents might say to her. The girl that’d called me a ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ said, “It’s not really an insult, but guys like him always think I’m easy . . . Well, I am, but they also think I’m an airhead . . . I play up to it, because it seems like that’s what they want, but I’m not . . . I think it’s starting to affect my grades. How do I get around that?” 

Dean had his head in his hands and looked like he wished he were anywhere but there, so I tried to take the focus off him and asked her what she wanted to do. 

“I want to be a plastic surgeon.” 

“Have you been taking the Science and Math classes you need?” 

She looked confused for a second, which I thought may have been part of the air head routine, but then she dropped it and reluctantly nodded, so I asked her if she was taking any of the advanced placement classes. 

“No.” 

“Try a few . . . It’s not really important to get into college, but it’ll give you an edge over the competition when it comes to being accepted, and if you do okay on the exams, you might be able to knock some time off of your undergrad. Medical school and going through your residency will take long enough without adding more time to that . . . I’ll give you my books . . . If getting out of this town and having a career is important to you, study them over the summer, so you’re ready by the time school starts . . . You should be ahead of them if you can read my notes in the margins, and uh . . . study for your SATs.” 

Sam laughed and said, “She wasn’t asking for school advice. She was asking for advice on guys.” _Oh. That’s why she’d looked confused . . . I don’t know. Why is that more important than advice on how to become a doctor?_

Sam got that I was confused and answered for me. “He likes her because she’s smart . . . they haven’t even –“ 

Dean punched him in the arm and said, “Shut up, Sam . . . Can we wrap whatever the hell this is up . . . kind of in the middle of something here.” 

They started to go, and the busty one wrote her number on a napkin for me, so she could get my books. As soon as they left, Dean took the napkin and held it up to say, “What the hell is this?” 

I shrugged and said, “Her number . . . why you want it?” before I grinned. 

“I already got her number . . . Did you hear what she called you 10 minutes ago? You shouldn’t be giving her all your cheat sheets for next year . . . She’s using you. And you shouldn’t be helping the rest of them either, especially not after that one hit you.” 

I looked at my pizza and tried to sop up some of the water, while I said, “I probably deserved the slap, and so what if they called me names? Doesn’t bother me, and if you think about it, what I said back to the future doctor was a lot worse than what she said to me.” 

When I glanced Dean, he wasn’t looking at me, but Sam appeared to agree, because he nodded emphatically. He really had enjoyed how that all unfolded. I went back to trying to fix my pizza and added, “My intention was never for Chelsea, Katy, or Gemma to be on the receiving end of abuse for the next year. That was an unforeseen consequence that I needed to try and rectify . . . the opportunity for me to do that presented itself, so I seized it. And if you noticed, the other 3 were surprised by some of the things my 3 had been called. Maybe now they’ll be friends and next year won’t be as bad for them as it was shaping up to be, so I won’t have to blow up the football field . . . well, not the field . . . maybe the scoreboard.” 

Sam thought that was funny. Dean didn’t. He kept his eyes on the table and said, “You think I should’ve apologized to my 3 . . . is that it?” 

I glanced at Sam. He took a deep breath and looked the other way, so I went back to attending to my poor pizza. “I didn’t say that . . . Why? Do you think you should?” 

Dean quickly got up and headed out the door without saying anything else, and Sam said, “If he’s going after them to apologize, expect him to be gone for awhile . . . and for him to come back with lipstick all over him . . . That’s what happens when he tries to make things right . . . I gave you fair warning when I told you he doesn’t know how to treat girls.” 

_Okay. Whatever that means. And why the hell does he look so damn happy about it?_ Well, he did until Dean came back 2 minutes later sans lipstick and slid back into the seat next to him. 

“You didn’t catch up with them?” 

Dean glanced at him and answered, “It’s taken care of . . . won’t happen again,” before he offered me one of his slices when it became apparent my pizza was an unfixable, soggy, gross mess. 

Sam threw his pizza on his plate and shouted, “Are you kidding me? This is usually the part where you –“ 

Dean gave Sam an annoyed look. “Not hard to keep it short when you let them know you’re not interested, Sammy.” 

“Not interested? How could you not be interested? Even I was interested in –“ 

Dean ignored him and looked towards the door. “Hey, Beth, why don’t you go see if you can get someone to mug you out in the parking lot and make friends with them after . . . give us a few minutes to finish up, and we’ll meet you outside.” I smiled before grabbing the pizza slice he’d given me, threw the money for my half of the bill on the table plus extra for a tip, and went out the door to wait for them to finish their chat.


	3. 50/50

When I opened the door the next morning, it was 930 exactly, and Dean was standing there with Sam. Sam was staring at his feet. He looked pretty miserable. Dean said he wanted to talk to my Dad, so I opened the door and let them in . . . It was the first time Dean had been in my house, which meant that he decided to explore while he waited for my Dad. 

His attention focused on a couple of pictures on the mantle. Picking one up, he turned to ask me something, but awkwardly put it back down when my Dad came into the room. “I fixed it. We already went to the police station. Sam told them he left the note, because he didn’t like how much time I was spending with her. All she has to do is back up that we’re kind of seeing each other. Her fingerprints aren’t at the school . . . and they don’t have anything else to go by . . . I checked.” 

Dad took a seat and said, “What about your Dad? They just let you go in and say all that without a parental figure or legal representation?” 

Dean looked a little excited and answered, “Yeah, I told them we didn’t need any. I said I had to tell them what happened as soon as I found out. Said our Dad left for work this morning and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow . . . gave the manager at the motel some money to say he was him when they call.” 

“What happens if they show up to interview your Dad in person? How much of a tip did you give?” 

Dean’s excitement evaporated at my Dad’s question. Ducking his head, Dean said, “I don’t think they’re going to make a big case about some kid handing in a hoax letter . . . but I gave the manager 50 just in case. I thought . . . Well, I was hoping that would be enough.” 

Dad sighed and got up to grab his tie. “Won in a poker game, I’m assuming?” 

Dean glanced at me, so I nodded to let him know my Dad already knew about their situation. He went back to hanging his head and said, “Uh, yeah . . . I found one last night.” 

That’s when Dad relaxed and decided to ease up a little. “Taking care of her isn’t as easy as I make it look. First tip . . . don’t do anything to land yourself in trouble, or you can’t help get her out of it.” Dean glanced at him and gave a tight nod, like he was taking an order. Force of habit from what I could tell, because my Dad wasn’t giving him an order . . . it was a suggestion, but I think Dean really wanted to impress my Dad for some reason. “And 50 is a hell of a tip for a phone call. I appreciate the effort Dean . . . think there might be another problem I need to go take care of though . . . must’ve been a pretty late game . . . You look tired. Sit down. Relax. Wait here for me to get back.” My Dad glanced at me to make sure I knew to keep them in the house, grabbed his suit jacket, and headed out. 

Dean’s eyes followed him out the door. “Where’s he going?” 

I watched my Dad pull out of the driveway. “I have no idea. I’m usually about 10 minutes behind him on most things.” Sam snorted, so I looked at him and said, “He’s insanely smart.” He was. I may give him a hard time, but I really looked up to my Dad, and I trusted him 100%. 

Dean went back to the pictures over on the mantle, picked one up, and turned it around, so I could see it. “Is this you?” 

_Who else would it be?_ “Yeah . . . my 11th birthday . . . It’s a picture of me opening one of my presents thinking it’d be a Super Nintendo, but it was really a pair of ballerina roller skates . . . My Dad has this thing where he never gives me what I want as gifts. Sometimes it’s better and sometimes it’s worse than what I want, but he says life is like that, and it’s better for me to learn it before I get out in the real world.” 

Dean looked back down at the picture and said, “You, uh . . . ever get those Mutant Ninja Turtles . . . Raphael and Michelangelo?” When it was obvious, I had no idea what he was talking about, Dean put the picture back where it’d been on the mantle and kept his eyes on it while he said, “We looked under the tree for presents that might’ve been about the right size. I gave what you let me have to Sam, and it was a doll and some cheerleading crap . . . best cookies I ever had though . . . should’ve saved one for him . . . should’ve brought him back the next day. Dad didn’t show until the day after that.” 

That time when he looked at me, I got it. There was no way to explain that one to Sam. Dean pretty much said what happened, but there’d been a lot of unspoken things that Sam wouldn’t understand. Dean didn’t seem freaked out about it . . . that we’d met each other twice before this. If anything it felt like it made sense to him. I didn’t know how I knew he felt that way. I just did, the same way I knew how he’d felt that Christmas. 

Back then he’d felt . . . responsible for taking care of everyone in his life, but really alone because nobody ever took care of him. I’d wanted him to stay, so I could. By taking the cookies, he’d let me know he’d want me to if he could stay . . . even if he hadn’t said it in words . . . maybe because he didn’t . . . it’d meant something to me. I’d wanted to find him again . . . and here he was 5 years later still being left alone to raise his brother. “I didn’t get that, but I got what I wanted for Christmas that year from someone else.” 

Dean ducked his head and nodded before he grinned and looked back up at me. “What’d your Mom give you a pony or - “

“God, you guys make me sick,” Sam finally interjected. “I don’t even know why I bother. You’re going to end up together, and he is going to ruin your life.” 

I observed Sam for a few seconds and said, “Because of hunting?” 

He gave me a dirty look and then said, “Yeah, he told me you showed up last night. Nice job spying on us this last week.” 

Well, it was a good thing I did otherwise his brother would be dead, but I didn’t say that. I took a seat on the couch and curled up to look comfortable. Something was off with Sam. Maybe it’s why my Dad left. Now I just needed to figure out what it was. “You went about it all wrong. You presented me with this big mystery I had to figure out. Why do you think science holds any interest for me? It’s about solving the mysteries out there.” 

Sam studied me before he gave me another little glare. “You don’t even know what you have. You are sitting on a winning lottery ticket, and you’re just gonna throw it all away.” 

“See, I think the reason I didn’t hear what you two were planning all week is because you didn’t want to say anything to me about it, not because Dean didn’t. He’s been on the verge of telling me since I met him . . . I think that you know it’s something I might want to do the same way he does, and yet you didn’t offer me a choice in it. You tried to take that choice away from me by doing something desperate and poorly thought out to make sure I didn’t go with you guys last night. How does it feel when you have decisions made for you, Sam . . . especially big life altering decisions, like what you want to do with your life?” 

He took a few steps closer and bent down, so he could look me in the eye and said, “I didn’t tell you that, so you could compare me to him. I am nothing like my Dad. I was trying to look out for you.” 

“It’s the same reason your Dad makes the decisions he does.” He didn’t like that, but before he could argue with me, I carried on with my interrogation. “Let me ask you something, Sam. Which is more important to you, staying alive or having freedom? You can’t choose both.” 

He scoffed at that and said, “What’s the point of freedom if you aren’t alive to enjoy it.” 

Maintaining eye contact with Sam, I spoke to Dean. “When you were at the police station . . . did you let him go into an interview room without you?” Dean said no, so I asked, “Was he out of your sight for any length of time?” Dean started to say no and paused, so I said, “That’s where my Dad went. He’s better at reading body language and micro-expressions than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s almost like he can read your mind. In all honesty, I should’ve seen it with the way Sam was standing at the front door when you two knocked. Sam went to the police station and found a way to do the exact opposite of what you wanted him to do. It’s why my Dad asked if you went in there without any representation and told you to make sure you don’t land yourself in trouble when you’re trying to help me, because Sam screwed you over as much as he did me.” 

“He wouldn’t –“ 

I looked up at Dean. “Not intentionally. He gave them details, like the back door exit . . . how I cut the feeds . . . how I set up the sprinkler system . . . details that only someone who knew the person who did it would know, so they would believe him and not you. Maybe he wrote it and left it for them to find on their desk if he didn’t have time to tell them. The reason that screws you over is because you gave them a reason to think he would want to cast suspicion on me instead of you, and all they have to do is talk to the chaperones again and find out if the person they saw going out the back door that night was my height or your height. You were behind me. Maybe they didn’t see me at all. If they didn’t, Sam found a way for you to take the wrap for the entire thing. If they saw two people, I could be in trouble too, but either way, you’re their number one suspect now.” 

I turned my attention back towards Sam, and he really looked like he hadn’t meant to fuck Dean over, but he had, so I said, “Poorly-thought out and desperate . . . and the answer to that living or freedom question . . . how do you think your Dad would answer it, Sam?” before I got up to get some things from my room to throw into a bag. When I was done, I came back downstairs, grabbed one of my Dad’s spare cell phones to pack along with my things and waited by the house phone.

Dean came into the kitchen, but before he could say anything, I stopped him. “Dad said for all of us to wait here. If you trust me . . . trust him. He’ll let us know if we have to go somewhere else.” Kind of sad, I had a fleeing the authorities drill down with my Dad. 

Dean looked like he was struggling with the idea of just staying put but nodded, and then blurted out, “I don’t know what’s gotten into him. I didn’t think . . . I should’ve never said anything to him about that night or trusted him to keep his mouth shut today. Dad’s gonna kill me when he finds out how bad I fucked this up. I mean, I actually took Sam to the cops.” I was going to say he didn’t fuck anything up, but he anticipated my response. “Sam is my responsibility. Everything he does is on me . . . It is my fault, and I shouldn’t have followed you that night. I should’ve stayed under those bleachers. I have ruined your life, and I haven’t even –“ 

I stopped him by taking a step closer and putting my hand on his chest to calm him down. “Ruined my life? That’s a little overdramatic, isn’t it?” 

He ducked his head and murmured, “You’re standing by the phone with a go bag ready. What about the whole college thing?” 

“Burning college bridges just means I have to commit to hunting, not that I wouldn’t have wanted to . . . researching this last week was fun and that house last night was so much better than anywhere else I’ve ever broken into . . . I already would’ve wanted to go with you before I found out you were the kid I met 5 years ago . . . there’s no way I’m –“ 

I stopped when he put his hands on my hips and leaned down to rest his forehead on mine. “You mean that?” 

_Mean what?_ I meant all of it, I guess, so I nodded, and he smiled. “You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?” I shook my head, and he exhaled a laugh. “You wanna go out on the road with me?” 

“Is that too presumptuous? I –“ 

“I’ve been trying to come up with ways of getting you to do that for the last three weeks. I didn’t want to leave you . . . knew that the first night. What about your Dad?” 

That was a hard one for me. I didn’t want to leave my Dad, but I would’ve been leaving soon anyway. “I wouldn’t have seen him as much if I was going to go to college. I can still call him every night like I was planning on doing. I told him what we did last night, and he was a lot more receptive to it than I’d thought he’d be. In fact, he told me, ‘I told you so,’ because whether or not supernatural things exist has been an ongoing debate between us for years . . . comes up everytime we get done watching a horror movie.” 

Dean brushed my hair back behind my ear and said, “I should talk to him . . . let him know I’ve got this. I know he doesn’t think I can take care of you, and right now it seems like he’s right, but –“ 

“He didn’t say that . . . He told you to come back when you’re older. He’s never once told someone to come back, and I don’t need you to take care of me . . . I-” 

He smiled briefly and said, “It’s a two-way street. I took what you were offering. If you do it for me . . . it’s like your present to me.” 

I guess he had a point, so when he slid his hand to the back of my head, I said, “50/50?” and he grinned before he said, “50/50,” and was going to finally kiss me to seal the deal when Sam butted in again.

“Good luck getting Dad to agree to that.” 

Dean pulled back a few inches but didn’t look away from me to say, “I don’t need Dad’s permission. She’s coming with me, not Dad . . . We already agreed terms, not going back on it now.” 

“Yeah, good luck with that.” 

Sam left, and I said, “Be prepared for him to tell your Dad . . . He’ll probably mention we’ve met 2 other times growing up . . . maybe –“ 

He cut me off with a kiss, and I completely forgot what I was going to say and everything else until the phone by my head rang. 

_You’re all in the clear. You don’t need to come down to the station later either . . . Use one of my cell phones to make those long distance calls to Missouri and have fun . . . but tell him to keep his hands to himself._

“Yeah, okay, Dad . . . thanks. I’ll see you when I get home tonight.” Dean watched me hang up the phone and his eyes narrowed in confusion. “I told you he’s good.” 

He put his forehead on mine again. “You don’t think he’d have a word with my Dad, do you?” 

I was interested to see what that man was like based on what I’d heard about him. “Not before you do . . . He’ll think it’s your responsibility if you’re really serious. He’ll probably have a word with your Dad after that though to make sure your Dad knows I’ll pay my own way and to tell him not to just leave me along the road somewhere.” 

Dean bit his bottom lip before looking down at mine. “You think he really knows –“ 

_Welcome to the whacked out world of living with my Dad._ “Yeah, he definitely does . . . better keep those hands to yourself.” 

Dean grinned before he stood up and said, “Okay, looks like we have a hunt to finish. I’ll just grab Sam, and we can go.”


	4. Dad's Back

Dean walked from the car to the motel room with Sam after dropping Beth off at her house. Their second hunt had gone a lot better than the first, not that the first went all that wrong after that first night, but nothing like that happened on this hunt. He thought the early morning training was paying off. They were getting to know each other and how one another worked because of that. 

Sam didn’t go with them to train. He hated all this stuff, but he still went with them on the hunt to have his back and hadn’t bitched about Beth being there once. Sam seemed to be coming around after their talk . . . He’d told Sam that if he was acting up because he thought things would change between them, they wouldn’t . . . also told him that if it was because he was worried about what would happen to Beth, not to because she could make up her own mind up about it, and he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. He might screw up a lot of things, but he wasn’t going to get that wrong. Their talk had been a few weeks ago, and he hadn’t really had any problems with Sam since. 

Dean put the key in the lock, but it was already unlocked. He knew he didn’t leave an unlocked room, so he automatically pulled his handgun out and indicated for Sam to stay behind him while he pushed the door in . . . nothing to the right. He moved to the right of the door to do a quick sweep and relaxed at the same time he felt his heart sink. His Dad was back. 

His Dad always felt larger than life . . . even just sitting there at the table with a beer in his hand, his Dad had a presence that commanded respect, and Dean always loved and admired the hell out of his Dad, but him being back now meant one thing. They were about to leave. Playtime was over. Things were about to get serious. “You boys did a good job on that hunt a few weeks back . . . checked up on a lead in Missouri to make sure it was finished. Take it you’re the reason the wife’s remains weren’t there when I looked?” 

Dean indicated it’d been them while he moved into the room and sat on the foot of his bed. “Where you been the last two days?” He knew it. He’d been waiting for it. His Dad never said something positive without there being a negative, and that meant his Dad had been sitting here for two days waiting for them and getting more and more pissed off about them not being here. 

“We found a hunt . . . poltergeist outside of Davenport . . . took care of it.” His Dad didn’t look one way or the other about it, but Dean thought he briefly saw his Dad relax even though his Dad already looked relaxed . . . there was a difference between his Dad looking relaxed and being relaxed. His Dad hadn’t expected him to say they’d been on a hunt. Didn’t look too upset by it, especially when he immediately glanced at Sam and saw he was fine. 

“Good . . . means you’re not rusty. I’ve got something I want you on with me. We’re leaving tonight . . . need to get to Tucson by the day after tomorrow. Pack your bags, and be ready to go in 15,” his Dad said standing. 

Dean took a deep breath. This was it. “Yes, sir . . . but I’m stopping to get Beth on the way.” 

Sam glanced at him. Sam hadn’t thought he’d have the balls to say anything. He did. 

“We don’t have time for you to say good bye to anyone . . . already wasted two days. Grab your stuff and get in the car. That’s an order.” 

Yeah, that’s the way Dean had thought it’d go. He stood and started rolling up his things to put in his bag, let his Dad think he had the upper hand until just before his Dad walked out the door, and then said, “I’m not saying good bye . . . I’m bringing her with us,” as he tossed his t-shirt on the foot of the bed and turned to be ready for it. He owed his Dad the respect of looking him in the eye if he was going to challenge him. 

His Dad was in his face in no time. Dean paid attention to the tone, but didn’t really listen to what his Dad was saying. Mostly, his focus was on his Dad’s body language . . . His Dad hadn’t gotten to really pissed off yet, but Dean might’ve gotten a little pissed off when he caught the tail end of what his Dad said, because it meant Sam had probably sold him out again. “ . . . I let you get by with all the girls, but I told you not to get attached. You’ve had the same one with you day and night for six weeks. That’s why we’re leaving. You need to get your priorities straight . . . this family comes first . . . you –“ 

Dean chanced his life and cut his Dad off. “My priorities are straight. She is my responsibility. I’m not just gonna abandon –“ 

His Dad grabbed by the front of his jacket and slammed him into the wall. “Did you get her pregnant? How stupid are you?“ 

_Pregnant? Haven’t even gotten to second base with her yet._ “No . . . Dad, she’s not . . . but I’m not leaving her. She comes with us, or –“ 

His Dad pulled him back and slammed him into the wall again to make him shut up and gave him a look Dean knew pretty well . . . now his Dad was pissed off. “Think long and hard about the next words out of your mouth, Dean. You have a responsibility to Sam . . . to look after him . . . protect him. You have a responsibility to me. 16? She doesn’t even know what she wants, and you want to throw away your family for some girl that –“ 

“No . . . what I want is to bring her with us. That’s what you do when you know you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody . . . you bring them into your family.” 

His Dad didn’t do what he thought he would. He calmed down and relaxed his hold on Dean’s jacket. “You’re only 17. You don’t know what you want yet either.” 

Dean shook his head, but his Dad stopped him from saying anything by telling Sam to give them some space and waited until Sam left before he let Dean go. His Dad went to take his seat at the table again, and now that he thought about it, Dean was kind of relieved Sam was gone, because he had some things to say he didn’t want anyone else to hear . . . sure his Dad said not to get attached, but that’s not what this was, and after the way his Dad just backed off, he thought his Dad might actually get that because of what his Mom meant to his Dad. 

“You’re wrong, Dad . . . I know. I know that if she gets sick . . . I want to be the one to take care of her. If she’s had a shit day, I want to be with her, so I can try to make it better, and if she’s had a good day, I want to be with her, so I can be a part of it. And if she’s going to be hunting, it’s going to be with me . . . She’s done the last two with us. She’s the one that found out about the wife in Missouri. She’s going to be a hell of a hunter. She was born to do it . . . same as I was.” 

His Dad leaned back in the chair and opened the fridge to pull out another bottle of beer and said, “And you don’t think it’s at all strange that you’ve met her three different times?” _Fucking knew it. Sam called him._ Dean had already thought it because of the 6 weeks thing his Dad had said, but his Dad could’ve gotten that from the motel manager when he was trying to find them. Now Dean knew for sure. “I think it means we’re supposed to be together.” 

His Dad glanced at him before he popped the cap off the bottle. “Tell me how you met all three times.” 

Dean watched him and decided complete honesty was the only way to go, not just because he wanted her to come with him, but now she was on his Dad’s radar, and that put her in danger, so he sat on the foot of the bed and said, “First time . . . I was 6. Her first day of school was my last. I . . . well, I put a frog in the teacher’s desk. Beth was the only one that saw me do it . . . came and sat next to me. Lied and said her last name was Wessonsmith after I told her my name because it was alphabetical seating . . . Her Dad’s a lawyer. He lets her read his case files, so she knew about guns. She thought it’d be funny if Smith & Wesson and Winchester were sitting next to each other, so she switched it around to make it fit and said I could use it against her if she said anything about the frog. The teacher saw the frog and knew I did it. Beth tried to stop me from getting in trouble . . . told the teacher if she didn’t see me do it, she couldn’t be sure it was me . . . wanted some kind of a jury trial to make it fair . . . like I said, her Dad’s a lawyer . . . We both got kicked out of class, and we spent the rest of the day hanging out in the woods at the back of the school . . . just kid stuff . . . seeing who could climb highest up a tree or go the furthest out on a branch. I forgot her name, but she was wearing a Thundercats t-shirt. I always remembered that, so I always thought of her as the Thundercats girl, and I always wondered what happened to her.”

Dean glanced at his Dad, but his Dad was just listening . . . coming up with theories on what he thought this might be. Ducking his head, Dean said, “The second time was the Christmas Sam found your journal. I broke into her house to get him some presents. She caught me . . . said she’d give me her presents, because that wasn’t stealing, and if I took them it meant I wouldn’t have to break in anywhere else. She wanted to keep me out of trouble. I wouldn’t take anything for me . . . she wanted me to have some cookies . . . wasn’t going to but she said she wanted me to have something just for me and said that me taking them was like my present for her . . . so I did . . . and that girl . . . I will never forget that girl . . . never. So those two girls being the same girl . . . ”

He looked up and his Dad was still just watching him, so he sighed and said, “This last time . . . I was a dick. Had three girls I was trying to juggle at the prom . . . didn’t go well, so I was under the bleachers trying to figure out my options, and she showed up. She didn’t see me until she lit up a cigarette. Then I felt like an idiot standing there. She offered me one . . . I took it. Found out later it was so she’d know if I was the type of person to rat her out to the authorities. If I hadn’t taken it, I think she would’ve aborted the mission, but I did . . . and then I insulted her . . . profiled her all wrong, and she profiled me . . . got more right than she did wrong, and then she took off . . . and I went after her. If it was a hunt, she would’ve been perfect . . . had the plans laid out . . . everything set up . . . didn’t leave a trace of evidence. She even cut all the cameral feeds in the school. She went up to the room above the gym, and was wearing gloves and a black hoodie, pulled a panel out and set off the fire alarm . . . red water started coming out of the sprinklers . . . and then she had this garage door opener . . . and when these three bullies that she was targeting hit their mark, she pushed the button and buckets of red corn syrup dumped down on top of them . . . she took a picture of them to teach them a lesson . . . a lesson that worked . . . then she took off, so I followed her and we went out the back door and down this ladder . . . ended up leaving through the woods at the back of the school, like when we were kids.” 

Dean smiled briefly when he thought about that before he shook his head and said, “I told her a lot of things about hunting . . . hypothetical things, like things I’d seen in movies or read somewhere. At first it was to see if she was a hunter, but when I figured out she wasn’t, I just wanted to know what kind of a reaction I’d get from her. She didn’t think it was real, but she thought it was interesting and said some of the things made sense . . . in like a historical context . . . and then she said she had to go home . . . She has an 11 o’clock curfew, because . . . well, she blew up her neighbor’s garage last year after he assaulted her. She’s a genius . . . school’s too easy for her, so when she gets bored, she breaks into places for the challenge and to take pictures, and her Dad let’s her, but his number one rule is she can’t get caught doing anything illegal . . . and since she got caught by the guy after she blew up his garage, she got a curfew. Anyway . . . I walked her home and when we got to her place, I wanted to keep her out there a little longer, so I kissed her . . . and I just knew.”

His Dad, still wearing his poker face, asked, “When you kissed her . . . how did you just know?” 

Dean had to fight hard with himself not to roll his eyes. It was hard enough saying all that other crap to his Dad . . . this was even worse, so he hung his head again and said, “Felt like I was home . . . and electric . . . not electric, like they say in the movies . . . I didn’t get a shock from her or anything . . . It’s not painful. I don’t know how to describe it.” 

His Dad immediately sat forward and said, “It wasn’t hot . . . cold . . . metallic . . . sweet or bitter . . . or . . . “ His Dad listed off about 12 different things, some of which Dean knew for a fact were related to love potions of some kind or another. 

Dean shook his head when his Dad was done and said, “Electric, but not painful at all. That slight vibration thing you said sounds pretty close.” His Dad looked like he had an idea what that meant. “Is that bad?” 

His Dad shook his head and stood up. “It is for me if she’s as much of a handful as she sounds like she is. I want to meet her Dad. Give me their address. Stay here and keep packing.” 

Dean told him how to get there and then said, “I talked to her Dad . . . told him I’ll take care of her, and he knows what we do. She tells him everything.” His Dad turned and shook his head while he opened the door. Dean didn’t know what that meant. He didn’t know if this was a good thing or not.

Sam came back in a few minutes later, and Dean wasn’t ready to talk to him yet, so he went in and took a shower to buy himself time. He wasn’t sure what his Dad was going to do. He thought his Dad wanting to talk to her Dad and suddenly putting a hunt on hold to do it was a good sign, but he wasn’t sure. Maybe his Dad thought there was a hunt right here in town that needed to be taken care of first. When he got out, he dried off the bottles he’d used, so he could pack them away . . . took extra time brushing his teeth and using his mouthwash to put off seeing Sam a little longer, grabbed everything when he was done, took a deep breath and opened the door. 

Still wasn’t sure what to say when he got out. He’d already said everything to Sam he thought he could about it, and Sam had broken his trust 3 times . . . It was supposed to be the two of them against the world, not Sam almost getting him arrested and then spilling everything to their Dad before he had a chance to talk to him about it . . . Sam probably called their Dad back early to make sure their Dad was good and pissed off about it by the time Dean did have a chance to talk to him.

Sam kept his back to him while he put his things in his bag and asked, “Where’s Dad?” 

Sam not knowing what was going on was one of the things that pissed Sam off the most. Well, in this case Dean didn’t really know what their Dad had planned, but at least he knew what he and his Dad had talked about and where their Dad was, so Dean decided not to say anything, because he knew it’d get under his brother’s skin. 

Going to his drawer, Dean grabbed his socks and boxers. They had tons of clean clothes at the moment, because Beth let them do all their washing at her place for free. Even on the small stuff she made things better. And she got Sam’s stupid B up to an A in a couple of weeks. She took them to do fun things all the time . . . never held it against Sam for the things he’d done or tried to do to her . . . If those girls that she’d targeted for the prom could get over it, and if Cheryl could even call Beth to hang out with her . . . Why couldn’t his brother let this one go? It made no sense, because Sam actually liked her. And then it clicked. 

Dean smiled briefly while he put what he had in his hands into his bag and turned to look at Sam. “You’re jealous, but you’re not jealous of her . . . you’re jealous of me. You like Beth . . . have a crush on her or whatever.” 

Sam turned around to deny it straight away, and Dean said, “Makes sense. She’s smart . . . helped you out with your grades . . . you keep saying, she’s not my type . . . that I’m going to ruin her life . . . You act like her personal body guard all the time . . . You’ve done everything you can to keep us apart, not keep her out of hunting. If she’s not interested in you, it means I can’t have her either, is that it?” 

Sam glared at him and turned around to keep packing. “I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer, Dean.” 

Dean grinned again before he turned to grab the last of his stuff and said, “Guess it’s good to find out that my little brother would screw me over for a girl before his hormones really start to take off . . . You being a teenager is going to be a pain in the ass, Sam.” A balled up pair of socks came flying towards his head, but he batted them away and laughed. “Can’t believe I didn’t see it until now.” Sure he was making fun of Sam, but it did two things. Maybe Sam would finally admit it and start getting over it, and it made Dean feel better, while he waited for his Dad to come back. 

“So, Sam . . . in this little fantasy world you have with –“ 

Sam jumped on his back, so Dean flipped him over onto the bed to get him off of him. Didn’t have to do anything more than that. Sam couldn’t hurt him, and if Sam wanted to vent his anger this way, he’d let him . . . as long as it meant his brother would stop betraying him. 

In a couple of seconds flat, Sam had used the bed as a spring board to launch himself at Dean, but he couldn’t tackle him, which pissed Sam off more, so he just started throwing body punches when Dean grabbed a hold of him. His brother threw a pretty good punch . . . still wasn’t going to do any serious damage to him, so Dean let him do it until it seemed like his brother had tired himself out. 

“Should do more training, Sammy . . . shouldn’t be so easy for you to get tired out like –“ 

Sam kneed him in the family jewels. Dean doubled over and had to put his arm up at the last second to block the left and then right hooks his brother threw towards his face. He finally had enough and worked past the nausea he felt to carry out a quick combination of moves to knock Sam to the ground without really hurting him, so he could hold him down. “I get it . . . you hate me, but if you like her . . . you have gone about all wrong. You don’t fuck over someone you like . . . You want what’s best for them . . . I know I fuck up all the time, but I am what is best for her.” 

Sam calmed down and said, “I don’t hate you, but I’ll remember you said that when you burn it to the ground, and she has nothing to show for it.” God, his little brother could be a dick sometimes.


	5. 26th Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has a lot of sex in it. It's graphic. It's marked at the start and end in bold. You will not miss anything if you don't read it.

Scanning the darkened club, Dean found a spot at the bar. Place was packed, so it took a while to get the bartender’s attention. In the meantime, a hot brunette came up next to him . . . got the bartender’s attention straight away. Figures. Glancing at Dean, she smiled before she took the seat he’d planned on taking, but when the bartender brought her drink over, she made sure the bartender took his order too. 

Dean flashed her a grin. “Should bring someone like you with me everywhere I go . . . have the feeling I’d jump to the front of the line anywhere.” 

She threw him a flirtation look and started played with her straw before saying, “I don’t know . . . I’d say you’d do all right if you caught the right bartender’s eye.” He did all right. Depended on the bar and bartender. 

“James,” Dean said offering his hand, and if there were an award for smiles, she’d win hands down with the one she gave him as she took his hand. 

“Star.” 

He laughed. “Let me guess . . . parents were hippies?” 

She arched an eyebrow in response and said, “Or maybe I’m a stripper.” 

_God, I hope so._

She held his look for a few extra seconds before she licked her lips and looked back at her drink. “Commune out of Helena.” She glanced at him to see his response and must’ve pegged he was a little disappointed by that because she smiled again. “What? No free love jokes? I get them all the time.” Leaning closer she whispered, “Not that it isn’t true. It was free love all the time. You learn a lot growing up in a place like that.” 

Things were looking up again. When the bartender came back with his beer, Dean ordered more drinks for both of them. Looked like she was on whiskey sours. Interesting choice. “I don’t know . . . seem kind of like a reformed hippy chick to me . . . by way of New York, if I had to guess. So, how’d you end up in Phoenix?” 

She gave him a look that said she was impressed before she polished off her drink, went for the second one, and ordered them each another . . . He had some catching up to do. “You’re right. I did that whole New York thing . . . 4 years of college. Had my fill of the Big Apple . . . wasn’t for me. I like to travel around a lot, so I’m usually passing through one place on my way somewhere else for work . . . As luck would have it, I’m here overnight . . . have a flight to London tomorrow morning. What about you?” 

So . . . world traveller, ex-commune hippy chick that studied 4 years in New York . . . and she looked hot in that black, flowing, spaghetti strap shirt. Shirt definitely worked for the bartender. “I travel around for work a lot too, but it’s mainly in the continental U.S. . . . some work in Canada . . . just finished up. I’ll be heading out in the morning.” 

Star turned to face him and asked, “What kind of work?” 

Couldn’t make it too boring . . . something that made some decent cash. “Hazmat specialist . . . got called in to clean up one of my company’s trucks that overturned.” 

She brought her straw to her lips and took a long pull before saying, “Where are you based?” 

Dean turned away from her, took the drinks the bartender had brought, and told the bartender to keep them coming, as he handed him a fake credit card. Looking back at Star, Dean answered, “Don’t really have much time to put my feet up in one place for very long.” 

She looked at him somewhat suggestively and said, “So, you’re in high demand?” 

He grinned and played the somewhat bashful game while he looked back down at his drink. “I don’t know . . . I guess you could say that.” 

“No time for a wife . . . girlfriend . . . anything like that?” 

Wow. She was jumping straight in there. “Been with the same woman the last . . . almost 9 years, I guess,” he answered without looking at her. 

“Must get lonely . . . I’d say you rarely get to see her if you’re out on the road all the time.” 

He shrugged slightly before bringing the drink in his hand towards his mouth. “It’s not so bad . . . we have a pretty open relationship.” 

She flicked her eyes in his direction. “Somehow I doubt she knows that. It’s a good thing I was raised with the whole free love concept . . . I think I understand it a little better than most.” 

They bantered back and forth over the next drink or two, and things were going well, or he thought they were. And then she confirmed it when she leaned in to whisper in his ear, “You want to go back to your place or mine?” 

_Her place?_ Dean leaned back to look at her and his eyes narrowed. “Yours.” 

She toyed with him and kept him interested the whole way back to her place in the taxi before she led him by the hand up to where she was staying . . . looked like a fucking huge cabin from the outside. When they got through the door, she flipped on some soft lighting while she kicked off her shoes. He got a good look at the place and said, “Where’d you get the cash to –“ 

**She turned** around and pushed him back against the door before landing her mouth over his. That’s all it took to take his attention off their surroundings, and for him to flip them, so she was pinned between his body and the door. He liked the feel of her shirt under his hands . . . felt like satin . . . Beth would never wear something like that. He wondered what she was wearing underneath of it, so he stepped back and knelt down to slowly help her slide her jeans off. Admiring what he saw, he lightly ran his hands up her inner thighs. She was beautiful.

The black lacy panties she was wearing . . . with the black shirt coming down to cover half her ass . . . looked like she was wearing a really short dress and he loved those panties. After kissing the front of them on his way back up to her mouth, his tongue toyed with hers, and he grabbed her ass to pull him against him. She let out a small little growl before she bit his bottom lip, and he returned it with one of his own before flipping her around to face the door. Pulling her hair away from the side of her neck, his mouth connected with the spot just over her pulse point. His hands slid up the smooth fabric of her shirt, and her body pushed back against him sensually in response before she moaned and snaked her hands behind his head to hold him there for a few extra seconds when he gently bit her. 

When she turned her head to look at him, he took her mouth again but kept her facing away from him before he took her shirt off and . . . fuck that black corset bra was hot . . . really fucking hot. She was leaving that on for a while. He pinned her against the door again with his body, and one of his hands dipped inside the front of her panties. “God, you’re really wet.” 

Slamming her palm against the door, as he started stimulating her, she panted out, “Bet your girlfriend doesn’t get wet for you like this.” 

“She does . . . every time.” 

“What are you gonna do for me now that I am?” 

Softly petting the most sensitive part of the button between her legs, he felt a slight shiver run through her body, turned her, and then landed his mouth over hers again. Moments later, he was picking her up and putting her on the table next to them, so he could lay her down on something. Breaking the kiss, his lips glided down her body while he slid her panties off, and when he had her where he wanted her on the edge of the desk, he got down on his knees, and put her legs over his shoulders. That's what he wanted to do for her.

When she finished, he stood up and considering he still had all his clothes on . . . he thought he was over dressed, so he wiped his mouth on his shirt and pulled it off before she sat up and quickly grabbed ahold of his shoulders to pull him back down to her.

“Is it your birthday or mine?” she asked between kisses while he carried her to the couch. 

“Give me some credit. I do that any time you want . . . and you’re breaking character . . . spent enough on it. Might as well keep it up,” he answered before putting her on the couch, so he could drop his jeans and boxers. She got up on her knees to meet him when he bent over to kiss her again. Putting one hand on the back of the couch to support himself while the other occupied itself with brushing up her inner thigh, he let it slide between her legs, and she groaned before putting her hands on the back of the couch to hold herself up. “I can’t keep it up . . . don’t wanna say another guy’s name.” 

She had a point. He didn’t really wanna hear her calling out some other guy’s name either, so he pulled back enough to say, “We’ll switch it up . . . just do everything I say. Leave your hands where they are.” 

“I’ll do whatever you want, Dean.” 

He claimed her mouth and forgot he was supposed to be directing her until he could tell she was getting close again, and then he told her to turn around, so he could put her hands where he wanted them on the back of the couch before he told her not to move from that position, pulled her hips towards him, and entered her in a single thrust. Every time he did it faster and harder after that, her cries got louder and louder, and she definitely said his name over and over again. When she came, he kept going without giving her a break until she was begging him to keep going because she was almost there again, but he thought if he let her go again this time, he’d go right along with her. 

That was the downside to this position, so he slowed it down again before he grabbed her by the waist and turned her, so he could lie down under her. She was a pro at the reverse cowgirl position. He pulled her back towards his chest and held her hands down on either side of him, and then he told her to leave them there while he reached his hand around and helped her out from the front. Might be his birthday, but the way he thought about it, each orgasm she had was like a present, and he’d take as many presents as he could get, especially when she always made sex unbelievable for him . . . every time was memorable, so they had to do something extra to make this night stand out more if that’s what she wanted. 

Later, after they’d gone through a few more positions, and it was over, he just enjoyed laying there looking down at her. “When’d you get this . . . I really like it,” he asked running a finger along the lace at the top of the corset. 

She smiled. “Picked it up yesterday . . . thought I’d give it a try. Picked up a few other things too . . . not for your birthday . . . for when you least expect it.” 

“What’d you get?” 

She licked her lips before she answered, “Can’t tell you . . . that’d ruin the surprise.” 

“You’ve gotta give me something, Beth. I’ll look for them if you don’t.” 

She smiled again and said, “You never find anything I hide.” That was true. She was like a ninja at hiding things considering they lived most of their life in the Impala. 

“At least give me an idea . . . dress up kind of stuff . . . or colors . . . or is it other stuff we can use . . . props or –“ 

She laughed. “All of the above.” 

That wasn’t an answer. “Doesn’t answer the colors question.” 

When his fingers brushed against her nipple, he got an idea. Slowly circling it with his finger a few times, he then pulled the fabric down, leaned down towards her, stopped, and said, “Give me a color.” 

“No, Dean . . . colors give away too much . . . I’m not telling you –“ 

He leaned closer and did with his tongue what he’d been doing with his finger. After lightly blowing cool air over where he’d been licking, he looked up at her again. “Sure about that?” 

She exhaled a couple of times before she nodded. Damn. He knew when he could seduce something out of her and when he couldn’t. This was one of the times when he couldn’t. Didn’t really matter if she didn’t tell him, because he’d liked what he was doing, and he wasn’t gonna hold out on her, so he did it a couple more minutes before he took the corset off her and moved over to the other side. 

He decided this time he’d take it slow with her from start to finish. Propping himself over her, he leaned down to kiss her again and enjoyed the way her tongue played with his as her hands slid up and down his sides and back and her legs embraced him. After he was ready again and at her entrance, he smiled and said, “Told you she gets that way for me every time,” before he pushed into her. 

She moaned as her hands slid up the back of his shoulders, and just before their mouths reconnected, she breathed out, “Don’t even have to touch her, and you make her that way.” She was probably only doing it for his birthday. She didn’t play along on dirty talk all that often, but when she did, it was usually pretty hot. 

“Tell me what I do that turns you on.” 

He propped her hips up under some pillows, and she whimpered when he joined her again before she said, “Have to go take a shower . . . most times you work on the Impala.” 

That was good to know. Holding onto her knees, he pushed in as deep as he could go, and made small movements against that spot he knew she liked. He lived for the sounds she made and then he needed more, so he pulled back some and went with longer movements. “Ever finish yourself off during those showers?” 

She looked up at him and panted out, “Yes.” Also good to know. 

He rewarded her by giving her what she wanted again and said, “Tell me next time, and I’ll help you out.” 

“Be hotter if you don’t and just watch.” They were definitely doing that. 

He leaned down to kiss her again and came up breathless a few minutes later to ask, “What else?” while he moved to the slightly marked up part of her neck from that bite earlier . . . wasn’t that bad, but he really hadn’t meant to do that, so he decided to go gentle on her . . . that worked for her just as well as rough. 

She was really getting into it with the new angle and what he was doing with his tongue, but still managed to gasp out, “When you hustle . . . or play pool at all.” 

He smiled before he moved over to the other side of her neck and trailed his lips up to her ear. “Yeah? Ever think about having me take you right there on the pool table?” 

She cried out and held onto him a little tighter when he picked up the pace before she answered, “Yes . . . I have. I want you to do that some time.” 

He smiled again. “All right I will . . . when you least expect it.” Two could play at that game, and maybe she was right not to tell him what she bought. He wanted to keep her guessing from now on in every place they went. 

He lost her after that when she put her hands against the arm of the couch to push back against him until he felt her release. Flipping her over onto her stomach, he kept her hips propped up by the pillow, and entered her again, but kept his chest touching her back and in a close embrace to make it feel intimate. 

Collapsing just off to her side, when they finished, he smiled. He loved it when they were both sweating in a good way and smelled like sex. Glancing over at her, he chuckled . . . didn’t look like she was moving from her spot, so he brushed the hair back from her face and over the other side of her neck so he could see her.

Lying on his chest, after he moved them a few minutes later to keep from falling off the couch, she smiled and said, “6 times . . . you trying to kill me.” 

**“Just getting started** . . . haven’t even gotten you to the bedroom yet,” he responded while he stroked his fingers up and down her arm and had a look around the cabin again. “How long do you have this place? Wanna make sure we hit all the rooms.” 

Beth rested her head on his chest and watched her hand trace shapes across his torso for a few seconds before eventually saying, “We have time. We have it tonight and tomorrow night . . . didn’t really get a chance to explore earlier before I had to get ready to meet you after the hunt . . . not sure how big it is . . . the bathtub is one of those huge round ones though.” 

He looked around again and said, “Owners away for the weekend?” She shook her head. Yeah that’s what he thought. She wouldn’t break into someone else’s house to have sex for the weekend, and this felt more like a rental kind of place . . . He’d had the feeling she paid for it as soon as he walked in the door, because she’d acted like she was supposed to be here, not like someone who had to keep the lights off to keep anyone from knowing they were here. “How much did it cost?” 

Propping her chin up on her hand, Beth looked up at him. “If I told you, you’d probably have a heart attack. I want to keep you around a little longer, so I’m not going to say.” 

“Okay, but how the hell did you afford this place on top of all the other stuff you bought . . . I know that stuff’s not cheap either.” 

“I saved for it.” 

He squinted in confusion and said, “Yeah, but you bought me that new Colt 1911 for Christmas, and that was only a month ago.” 

She grinned. “Hooking sure does pay the bills, huh?” 

He exhaled a laugh before he said, “Come on . . . tell me. Did you hold out on me from some big score you came across or a poker tournament you didn’t tell me you entered? And why pay for this place? Could’ve stayed here for free.” 

She climbed over the top of him and pinned his hands above his head before she leaned down and kissed him . . . Usually, that’d be a great way to distract him. When she took control, it was probably the best sex they had, but when she pulled back a few minutes later, the first thing he said was, “I wanna know. You always get me stuff that’s too expensive . . . but this year is way over the top.” 

She leaned down and touched her forehead to his, while she tried to catch her breath. “I didn’t hold out on you. I save a certain percentage of my half of the money we make on things we roll off of monsters, poker games, darts, and betting on you when you play pool . . . I’ll start saving when we leave here for what I’m going to get you next year . . . and I paid for it, because it’s different. It has a fully stocked fridge and electricity . . . You know you’re supposed to be here. The whole maybe we’ll get caught thing is missing, but feeling like you belong somewhere like this is something you never get to have.” 

He was getting distracted again by how close her lips were to his and licked his bottom lip. “Could use it for ammo . . . things like that that we need.” 

She leaned a little closer and said, “We’re never short of any of that, and you know it.” 

Pushing up on her hands, so he could lift her, and get this back on track, Dean said, “That’s because I always buy it. We go halves on everything else, but I never have enough left over to save for things like this.” 

Beth shook her head. “I pay for my share of it too, and –“ 

“Yeah, maybe you do, but my money is going somewhere more than yours does if you can afford a place like this . . . Maybe I want to be able to do something nice for you . . . not this, because renting some 5-star porn cabin isn’t your thing. Your thing would be something like heading off to some place in a different country . . . or some place with roller coasters would probably make you just as happy, and I can’t even afford to do that . . . It’s supposed to be 50/50.” 

“You don’t like to fly, and -” 

He sat up and said, “You know what I meant . . . this isn’t for you. It’s for me. How much did it cost?” 

Beth got off of him and went over to the door to pick up her shirt and threw it on while she said, “I’m not telling you.” 

Pulling on his boxers, he threw her a look before following her to the kitchen . . . and yeah this place was fucking huge. “How much?” he asked putting his hands against the counter on either side of her to trap her there. 

She looked down and to the side, slid her hair behind one of her ears, and then looked up at him. “You’re already mad. I’m not telling you. You’ll just get angrier.” 

He took a deep breath to try and calm down before he slowly exhaled and said, “See . . . not mad . . . I’ll get mad if you don’t tell me.” 

She breathed out a quick laugh, and that might’ve relaxed him some, but he wasn’t letting this go. “I got it on discount.” He slowly shook his head. That wasn’t good enough. He could go digging for the answers in her head, but he wanted her to tell him. Putting her hand on his chest, she said, “You can’t get the money back . . . It’s non-refundable, and I already paid for it.” She was gonna crack. Finally, she sighed and said, “513,” and he held his breath for a second.

“Five hundred and thirteen dollars! T–“ 

“A night.” 

He turned around and walked out of the room before he shouted, “A grand?! How much did the other stuff cost?” He waited for her to answer . . . If she didn’t, he was leaving until he cooled off. He refused to really yell at her . . . at least not when he was in the same room as her. It was something he started doing a long time ago and had stuck with ever since. 

He was putting on his jeans when he heard her say his name behind him. _No, I’m not fighting with you._ She headed him off at the pass and got to the door just before him, because he stopped to pick up his shirt. Should’ve left it. “Get out of the way, Beth.” 

He wouldn’t look at her, so she said, “No . . . look at me.” 

Glancing at her for all of 2 seconds, he then turned and started heading for the kitchen while he threw on his shirt. He was sure he saw a door when they were in there. 

Beth blocked his exit at the doorway into the kitchen, and he wondered briefly if they were just going to go back and forth between the two doors. He faked like that’s what he was going to do. It put her off balance, and he used that to dodge around her into the kitchen. Opening the door, he stopped when she said, “Dean Winchester, argue with me . . . shout at me . . . but don’t go out that door.” 

He turned to look at her. “Or what?” 

She waited half a second too long, and he turned to leave again. “Or . . . I will destroy every last bit of money in here.” 

His eyes narrowed, and he stopped again. “Go ahead . . . since you like to waste money . . . maybe -” 

He turned back around, and that’s when he realized she wasn’t talking about her money . . . She must’ve lifted his wallet when they were at the other door. “You mean money like this?” she asked as she pulled out a $20. 

Fuck! He knew that look. Maintaining eye contact, Beth held it between her thumbs and forefingers, like she was going to tear it, so he stepped forward to stop her, but he wasn’t fast enough. She tore it in half, and then she tore it again and again as she backed away from him until it was confetti. Then she threw it into the air and dug something else out of his wallet . . . looked like another $20.

By then he’d gotten to her and was trying to pry it out of her hands. “How much was the rest of it?” he finally shouted in frustration when he got it out of her hands. 

In response, she grabbed the part of the 20 sticking out of his hand and tore it half before she grabbed more money out his wallet that he still hadn’t gotten back. _Her and her fucking fast hands._

She hadn’t hit him or elbowed him or kicked him . . . hadn’t knocked him down even though she could’ve easily done any of that, so she probably wouldn’t, and he’d never do anything like that to her if they weren’t sparring. Knowing she wouldn’t retaliate, his best option was to wrap his arms around her from behind tight enough to hold her in one place, but as soon as he did, she quickly said, “I’ve got you now, Dean . . . You’re not going anywhere until we sort this out.” 

Every time he moved, so he could either grab for his wallet or give up and leave, she tore whatever she had in her hands a little more, which meant he was stuck if he wanted any money left by the end of this. He couldn’t let her go, and that meant after a minute or two he’d calmed down enough to ask, “What are you doing, Beth?” 

She looked down and answered, “I don’t know . . . making you stay . . . You do nice things for me every day, and you do it just because . . . Sometimes it might be something small, like you get me chocolate cake or a chai latte even though I know you hate asking for a chai latte . . . or sometimes it’s a comic book or you rent a movie for me or just take me to a movie you know I want to see, like Finding Neverland or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind . . . even though you hated the title of that one, and about 15 other movies this last year, or books . . . the number of books you’ve gotten me that I read and then have to leave behind or we’d never have enough room in the Impala for all of them . . . that number is astronomical, or travel-size board games you’ve gotten me, or rolls of film for my camera, or if you see a knife or an amulet or something and get it for me when it’s not related to a hunt, because you think it’s something I might want, not need . . . It all adds up . . . That’s where your money is going . . . That’s why I can save this much, and I don’t want to sit down and go through receipts and see exactly how it matches up, but if we split our earnings 50/50 and alternate back and forth on buying food or fuel or ammo or anything else we need, so it’s almost 50/50, and if I save everything that I have left over after that, that means this is how much you’ve spent on me the last year, or that’s the way I see it. That’s why I go bigger on things like Christmas and your birthday, so it’s still 50/50.”

He’d never really thought about that stuff. It was just always there in the budget for him to buy her something if he knew she’d like it, and he never let her pay him back if he got her anything, even if it was one of those stupid chai lattes, because he didn’t want to be one of those asshole penny pinching dickheads that actually counted everything 50/50, but that’s what he just was, and he’d ruined her present she’d been saving all year to get him . . . not the Colt 1911, he appreciated the hell out of that, but this one. 

Dean put his forehead on her shoulder and said, “I’m a dick,” and she laughed briefly before handing him back his wallet.

“No, you’re not, or we wouldn’t be staying here. I should’ve said it sooner.” 

Didn’t matter what she said or didn’t say. He shouldn’t have reacted the way he did. “I made you nervous?” 

She sighed and didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to blame him for it at all, but he already knew that when he got mad at her for anything, it rattled her . . . anyone else out there, and she could handle it, but with him she said one time it was like if she had to give a speech in front of a crowded room . . . She didn’t know what to say, or forgot what she wanted to say, or laughed, or left things out that were pretty crucial to the conversation or took off . . . basically she panicked. That’s why he started leaving to cool off and wouldn’t yell at her if he were in the same room as her. He didn’t want to make her feel like that. “Could always picture me naked.” 

She exhaled a laugh and looked up at him over her shoulder. “You already were . . . didn’t help.” 

He sighed when he looked down at the floor under their feet and saw it littered in green and white paper. “And the money?” 

She looked down and her shoulders dropped a little. Shaking her head in disappointment, she answered, “It seemed like a good idea at the time. I’ll pay you back . . . eventually. I’m kind of broke at the moment,” and he laughed. 

He looked through his wallet. Still had about 120. He could get more after they left here . . . And it’d actually worked. Maybe he’d start handing over his wallet from now on instead of leaving. It was the quickest things had gotten back to being okay again after something like this came up. Or maybe it’d be cheaper if he just started wrapping his arms around her, because that was probably what did it. Couldn’t stay mad at her if he was holding her, and as soon as he’d calmed down, she’d been able to say what she needed to say. 

“Don’t worry about it. Best money I’ve spent in a long time . . . and I think you should show me that bathtub, because I just remembered you’re not wearing anything under this,” he answered before sliding her shirt up a little at the back to have a peek. She turned to give him an impish grin and started walking backwards away from him. “Are you gonna start wearing that shirt more often, because –“ 

She shook her head. “Only when it’s just the two of us on our down time . . . not practical for much else.” 

He followed her saying, “What about earlier at the bar? It got us served a hell of a lot faster.” 

“What if I said I got there early and tipped the bartender a 50 to serve us faster . . . paid to make you think I was more desirable?” 

He laughed. “Then I’d say you should’ve held onto your money . . . could be covered in mud and in 3 layers of clothes like you were before I left you earlier, and I’d think you were the most desirable woman I’ve ever seen.” Giving him a coy smile, she turned around, and he watched her walk in front of him while he added, “You know, I think you should wear it just like that from now on,” and grinned at her response. 

“Why do you think I said it was for when it’s just the two of us?” 

He didn’t know what he did to be so lucky, but he definitely was, and it ended up being maybe the best birthday he’d ever had.


	6. 3 Days

“Ha, ha, Cas . . . no!” Cas sat back and let Rogue show him how to do the shape fitter toy. He already knew how to do it, but she seemed to like to tell him how, so he got it wrong on purpose to make her laugh, and then let her show him. She was a very smart little girl from what he could tell, or perhaps that’s what he always would’ve thought given how much he cared for her. 

When he still had his grace, he told Dean that he thought of her as part of his family, and he’d meant it, but he felt it even more strongly now. He didn’t know where Dean and Beth were . . . if they had chosen to do the training with God or if they were out there in different parts of the country. He suspected they were doing the training, because he suspected they would go on the mission if Chuck told Dean that it was for something important. That’s just the way Dean was, and Cas suspected that Chuck had probably not been entirely truthful with Dean. That’s just the way Chuck was. He had been living with them for quite some time as someone he wasn’t, or at least not entirely. 

If Dean and Beth were training, then Cas didn't know what to think about it. Part of him felt like he should have gone to help them, because he wanted them to come back, and part of him thought that they would not need his help. There were no guarantees that he would even be able to help them. He'd been in Heaven during this part of Dean's life. The strongest voice in the back of his head said that Fate could be changed, but sometimes it was just transferred to someone else. That's what happened when Crowley made Dean live through Beth’s torture in the same way Cas was supposed to have made Sam relive his own torture from the cage . . . Fate could be changed and maybe transferred, but erasing it completely . . . Cas thought that was almost impossible . . . at least on the big things, and you couldn’t get much bigger than Dean going to Hell. That’s a fate that had been predestined since the first humans were actually created. 

If that’s the case, then even though he wanted to see Dean and Beth again and help them come back to their daughter, he had to put Rogue’s needs above his own and stay to do the job he promised Dean he would if something ever happened to he and Beth. Cas was grateful that Chuck had reminded him about Sam contemplating wiping Rogue out of existence for his own purposes. It had also reminded him of what Dean had said about Sam when Dean and Beth died. Would Sam have sacrificed one of the children at the camp to bring Dean back? How much more powerful would magic like that be if the child of the dead loved one was used in a spell like that? 

Cas had definitely made the right choice in staying with her. It’s what Dean would want. It’s what Beth would want, and it’s what he was finding he wanted too. All of the things that he never thought he could do when he gave her back to Dean on the day she was born . . . maybe he could do them now. Maybe he could have as an angel too, but he was enjoying learning how to be human right alongside her. 

They had similar likes and dislikes when it came to food . . . except she liked the porridge and he did not. He thought she might like blue too. He’d found his own book to read her. _Are You My Mother?_ Given Rogue’s own relationship with Beth, Cas didn’t think he could’ve found a more perfect book to read her. His favorite part was the end when the mother bird returns home, and asks if the baby bird knows who she is. The baby bird knows straight away that she is his mother. Rogue liked that part too. She touched the mother bird’s scarf every time, but not at the start of the book . . . just at the end when the mother and baby were reunited. It was probably because the first time he read it, he pointed out to her which was the Mom and which was the one he thought was Rogue. 

He knew what he did in taking Beth away from her had been wrong, but he found that as a human, he felt much more sentimental about the fact that just before he made that decision, he was the first person to ever hold Rogue. Her first half hour of life had been spent with him . . . just the two of them trying to find their way and figure out what to do about the other one. 

Rogue handed him one of the pieces of her toy and wanted him to try again. “I put this one here?” She nodded, and then when he put the square in the square hole, she clapped and handed him the last piece. “It’s the last one. Do you want to do it?” She shook her head and pointed at him, so he put the star piece in a star hole, and she clapped again before reaching up to give him a hug. Times like this, she reminded him of her mother, with the way Beth tried to encourage him when he got something right. 

“What do you want to do now, Rogue?”

“Lee Lee?” 

“Lily is with Jody. We can play something else if you want?” Rogue stood up and toddled over to pick up her ring toy that was much too large for her. Beth had gotten the most complicated one she could find. Cas got up to help her move into the middle of the living room, and helped her take the rings off, so she could start putting them back on in the right order. 

“Lee Lee . . . b- . . . Lee Lee back?” Cas looked at her. Another new word. It seemed like she was saying something new almost every day. 

“Yes, Lily will be back soon. She’s just having a bath.” Rogue focused her attention on find the biggest ring. He didn’t know if she understood what he’d said or if she even really knew what ‘back’ meant.

“What is back?”

Rogue maintained her watchful eye for the biggest ring, but sighed. “Dad bye bye . . . back. Mom bye bye . . . back.” She did know what it meant. He supposed when Dean and Beth left they did both say they’d be back.

“Lily didn’t go bye bye.” Rogue looked at him and nodded to let him know she understood before returning to her toy. 

He hoped her parents came home this time. He tried to tell her about her family as often as he could, but he especially told her about her parents . . . stories about battles they’d fought together were something he left for daytime hours. At night, he told her stories about their normal lives, outside of hunting, so she could have more pleasant dreams. He didn’t know what he would do if those were all she ever had of them again.

If Chuck had sent Dean and Beth wherever they were around the same time he came to see Cas and Sam, then they would have been there for 2 weeks in a little over 3 days. If Cas had understood what Chuck had said to him, it wouldn’t feel like 3 days to them. It would feel like 3 years. A lot happened in those 3 years leading up to Dean’s death. There were multiple points where they could change fate, but in order to save Dean, they would have to change almost all of them, and that would not be easy . . . especially if they didn’t know they had to do it. 

3 days . . . He wanted more time than that. For these 3 days, he might worry about what they are experiencing, but at least he knew they were alive. After these 3 days were over, he’d know if the outcome was the worst. 

He would still watch over their daughter, but losing his friends would be difficult, and what of this mission God wanted them to do? Who would do that if they didn’t? Would he do it? He hadn’t been through the training. He wasn’t an angel anymore either. Would he have to get his grace back if he wanted to survive the mission, so he could come back to Rogue at the end of it? Would he be able to take care of her the way he was now if he did have his grace back? If Dean and Beth didn’t come back, would Chuck go to one of the kids at the camp and ask them to take Dean and Beth’s place? None of the kids here had any experience. They may not think they were children anymore, but they were, and children don’t know anything. 

Rogue paused in playing with her toy to put it on Cas’s hand and get his attention. “Cas, Dad . . . back. Mom . . . back.” He looked over his shoulder towards the door, and she laughed. “No . . . Dad ‘tect Mom . . . back.”

Cas sighed. “Your Dad will protect your Mom, and then they’ll be back?” She nodded. “How do you know what protect means?” 

She smiled and said, “Dad.” 

“How do you protect people?”

She balled her hand into a little fist and said, “Hit.”

Maybe it was the quarter angel. He was sure she shouldn’t understand that. Maybe she should. Her parents were both very intelligent . . . and they did hit things a lot to protect one another. They never stopped fighting. Maybe she just gave him the hope he needed to get through today.


	7. Stanford

Dean and I broke in through the window, and it felt like we were two kids back in high school. Sure we broke into places all the time, but the adrenaline, nerves, and excitement of this break-in were pretty high. I went to a corner to hide in the shadows, while Dean made an intentional racket, and a minute or two later he got jumped. Sam put a pretty good fight for a guy who was retired. 

_Oh, look . . . Sam’s got girlfriend._ Sam got off of Dean and went to go stand next to her. Putting his arm around her possessively, he went through the introductions and then asked where I was. The man needed to be more aware of his surroundings. I was standing right there. “Surprise! I’m still here, Sam. 6 more months, and I’ll be expecting that 100. We’re still going strong.” 

Dean looked back with a grin. “Yeah, we are . . . should we tell him about the drive here, because –“

“What are you doing here, Dean?” Dean turned back to look at Sam. He didn’t want to say anything in front of Jess because he didn’t know how much she knew, but then Sam got all haughty about her being included on everything . . . right up until Dean mentioned the word ‘hunt.’

Sam wanted to go have a chat with Dean outside, and he wanted me to come too, but I respectfully declined . . . It’s be weird if we all went outside and left his girlfriend, who already seemed confused by the entire situation, alone in here. Sam stopped by me on the way out, but before he could open his mouth, I said, “I know, Sam. I’m not an idiot. Go talk to your brother.” He still seemed hesitant, but eventually nodded and left. 

“Hi . . . I’m Beth.” _Wait, if she was paying attention, she already knew that . . . Uh, maybe I should’ve gone outside with them._

“Hi, so, you’ve been with his brother for how long?” 

_A long time, but it’ll never be long enough._ “Almost 9 ½ years . . . Sam and I have a long standing bet on whether or not Dean and I would make it to 10 years. I’ve known him for a long time . . . since I was 16. I guess you could say that’s when I moved in with them, but I’ve known Dean since I was 5.” 

Sitting on the couch, she asked me offered me a seat next to her, so I took it. “Sam said they moved around a lot when he was growing up. Did you keep in touch with Dean as pen pals?”

“Uh, no. My Dad and I moved around a lot too, so the first time I met Dean . . . my first day of school was his last, and we were best friends straight away, but we went our separate ways. Then I met him when I was 11, and the third time, we weren’t going to leave each other again.”

“Random chance meetings?” I smiled, and she said, “That’s really sweet. Tell me how you met the first time.” 

By the time Dean and Sam came back, she was looking at Dean in a better light than as the pervy older brother Sam had painted him out to be. He was slightly taken aback by the smile she threw his way after Sam went to go pack his bags. “What’d you tell her?” 

_He’ll never think he deserves positive attention._ “Told her how we met.” 

He smiled briefly and asked, “Which time?” 

“When you put the frog in the teacher’s desk.” 

He glanced towards Sam’s room and said, “Was actually when I ran into you outside the school before that . . . You can tell her about the other two times if you want . . . have plenty of time to do it. Think I might leave you here, so Sam and me can see what we dig up on our own . . . It’s been a while, and we have to be back by Sunday night.” 

I was cool with that. He and Sam needed to bond again. Jess happily asked, “So, he told you he’s got an interview for law school?” 

That pretty much confirmed that Sam wasn’t coming back into the family business. I wondered how Dean was going to take that. He relaxed a little and said, “Yeah . . . He told me. Pretty big deal, huh?” 

Jess smiled and looked proudly at Sam when he came back into the room. “Yeah . . . it is. I think he’ll get it too.” 

Sam returned her smile and gave her a light kiss before looking at me. “You should tell Jess about how you should’ve gone to college when you were 13, but stuck around to learn how to socialize better with other people in the library and still graduated and had a year’s worth of college done by the time you were 16 . . . before you gave it all up to be with my brother,” and then he turned and walked out. 

_Well, it’s good to see you too, Sam._

Dean sighed and glanced back at me. “I brought your bag up.” Glancing at Jess, he added, “Nice meeting you, Jess . . . I’ll, uh . . . make sure I bring him back in time for his interview,” as he headed out the door. 

Well, that made this awkward again. Maybe that’s why Sam did it. He didn’t want me to get too buddy-buddy with Jess. She didn’t leave it like that for too long. “Is that true?”

“Yeah . . . I don’t regret turning my back on any of it, and it makes Sam angry, because he thinks it was a waste.” 

She looked down and nodded. “What about your parents? They let you move around with them, like that?” 

“Well, I haven’t talked to my Mom in years . . . since I was about 6. My Dad . . . I still call him every night and let him know where I am and what I’m doing. He’s always been really supportive.” 

She looked hesitant, but decided to ask anyway. “What do you do?” 

_I’m a hunter, and I love it._ “I travel around a lot.” _Way to sound like a smart ass, Beth._

Jess seemed to know I wanted to say more, but couldn’t. “Just like Sam did growing up?” I nodded, and she said, “Doing what his Dad does?” 

_Sam’s gonna kill me._ “I won’t lie to you, but I can’t tell you what it is either. If you want to know, it should come from Sam. I’ll just say it’s a dangerous job, and that’s why I find it exciting. It’s also why Sam doesn’t want any part of it and is probably why he hasn’t said much about it . . . It’s to keep you safe.” 

She watched me for a few seconds before she said thoughtfully, “I’m going to go with secret agents. It’s dangerous, makes you move around a lot, and the FBI would recruit a genius out of high school for something like that, especially if you could get into cults with younger members. If Dean is a legacy, it probably fast-tracked his career too. It’s probably why Sam said his Dad drinks a lot, because it’s a high stress job, and why their Dad going MIA seems like it’s as big of a deal as it does to Sam even with that interview on Monday morning.” 

I didn’t indicate one way or the other on whether or not she was right, but that wasn’t half bad if you were someone that didn’t know monsters were real. Sam could’ve gotten by with telling her that much. Then he could’ve explained putting salt down across the windows and doors the way I was about to do. 

“Actually, do you have any salt . . . I want to show you a trick for knowing if an intruder has broken into your house. The obvious signs, like broken glass and upturned furniture, aren’t always there, and if they’re still in the house, it could be too late for you by the time you find them. It was way too easy for us to get in here. The only reason Sam woke up is because Dean wanted it that way. He never would’ve heard us otherwise.”

She followed me around the house and watched what I did before she verified why I was doing it. “So, if I see any salt on the floor or crunch across any, I’ll know if someone has gotten in . . . and I’ll know what window or door they came through and possibly which way they went if they trail it with them?” 

“Yeah . . . also don’t break the lines. You don’t want Sam to come home and see the lines broken and call the cops for no reason . . . and I’m going to let you in on a little secret . . . if you lay a thick salt line down and use clear tape over it near the door, you can get a decent shoe print out of it, and you can give that to the cops as evidence. Just make sure you step over it when you’re coming and going. We can go over the windows again with heavier salt later . . . We’ll use something like rock salt, because you don’t want it to just blow away if you open a window, but this is good enough for now, and it’s a good practice to get into.” 

She took it all in and nodded before she went and grabbed some clear masking tape, so we could put a salt line down at the front door. Then she helped me lay out salt lines on the rest of the windows in the house. When that was done, I felt better. I had no idea how Sam could sleep here without doing at least that much. I wouldn’t be able to do it. Call me paranoid, but better safe than sorry.

The rest of the weekend went really well. We hung out and went to cafés. She took me to an amazing Italian restaurant I wanted Dean to try. Next to his, it was the best lasagne I’d had, and it wasn’t that expensive. 

She showed me around the university, and I broke us into the science department to show her some cool things I’d read were in there . . . and the way I pulled it off kind of cemented the idea in her head that we were spies. There was key card lifting and security footage tampering involved. I really liked her, and there was a little more of a wild streak in her than I think Sam probably thought there was for her to go along with me on that science department tour. 

We finished up a movie she rented Sunday night, and she kept checking her watch. “You wanna do something?” 

“Like what?” 

She shrugged and said, “I’ll make cookies for Sam. What do you want to make for Dean?” 

_There’s really only one thing I’d ever make for Dean._ “I’m not really much of a cook. Dean’s the real master. I can do it, but I take a scientific approach to it. Do you have a cookbook anywhere?” 

She smiled, and we went out to the kitchen, so she could hand me a book I’d say got used all the time. Flipping through it, I found the recipe I wanted. 

“Do you have everything?”

She took a look at the list of ingredients. “I have everything, but the pie filling. I think you’ll have to go get some. There’s a little store down the street to your right if you go down the stairs. You can’t miss it.” 

In no time at all, I was back, and we commenced with the baking. I made a mess, but the pie looked the way it was supposed to look when I put it in the oven. We took everything out to cool when we should . . . My pie looked great. The house smelled great, and everything was great until it wasn’t.

We were finishing tidying up in the kitchen when there was a knock at the front door. Jess didn’t look like she was expecting anyone, so I said, “Sam wouldn’t knock, right?” 

She shook her head before going to have a look through the peephole and then muttered, “I don’t know what he’s doing here this late,” before she opened the door. 

Some guy she knew named Brady grinned a flashy grin and blah, blah, blahed about useless crap I didn’t care about. Maybe I was on edge with John disappearing and telling us we all needed to be careful, and maybe it was because this guy shouldn’t have been there that late to have useless conversation with Jess, but mostly I didn’t like the fact that Jess had invited him in a couple of times, and he wouldn’t come in. 

Coming into the middle of the room, I said, “Hey Jess . . . why don’t you go get him a cookie or two.” I wanted her away from the door. He couldn’t cross over, but I didn’t want her to get any closer to him. He told her that’d be great, and as she turned and went past me back into the kitchen, his smile fell. “Christo.” _Black eyes. Haven’t seen a demon in a while._

“You’re not got going to stop –“

I turned and went into the kitchen to grab my phone. I didn’t know what he was planning. I just knew something wasn’t right. He had to have known there were salt lines down before he knocked . . . demons don’t knock. If he knew there were salt lines, he should’ve just gone away and tried to take me or Jess the next time we left the apartment instead of spoiling the element of surprise, but he hadn’t. I texted Dean, _‘Demon,’_ and deleted it from my outgoing messages. If that demon managed to find a way in here and got ahold of my phone, I didn’t want him to know I had back up on the way. We’d never dealt with a demon without John being around. 

_Where’s Jess?_ She was supposed to be in the kitchen. Now that I thought about it, that demon had been way too eager to have her get those fucking cookies. Maybe he was supposed to be a distraction. 

I felt a slight draft at my back and closed my eyes. _Fuck. Either she left a window open, or they opened one from the outside. I knew I should’ve used heavier salt . . . should’ve fucking taped everything down at least . . . in all fairness, Sam’s been here how long and hasn’t had a problem? … Not good enough. You should’ve done it anyway._

There wasn’t a demon behind me. I knew that much. You can sense things like that, but I was sure there had to be one in the house, and it probably had Jess for whatever reason, so I went to the kitchen sink and did the only thing I could. I grabbed two of the biggest cups I could find and filled them with water before I quietly blessed them and used the rest of the salt she had in one to give it a little extra kick. 

Walking past the entryway to the living room, I glanced at the front door. The demon was gone. Either it was in here with us, or I suspected there was another one. Why else would there be a distraction element to this? 

When I got to the bedroom down the hall from the kitchen, the first thing I noticed was the obvious, which was Jess pinned up against the wall by some unseen force looking freaked out and unable to speak . . . the second was the presence at my back. How it got there, I don’t know, because it wasn’t there when I walked into the room. _Teleportation?_ That meant it was a more powerful demon than we’d seen. _It should still follow the same rules other demons do._

I turned to fling one of my cups on it. Unfortunately, the plain old holy water didn’t work. _Fuck . . . really powerful demon . . . but it’s blinking. It can’t see. Quick try the other cup._

The one with salt stung it, and I heard Jess shout, “What is that thing?” 

_Must’ve let her go._ “Run for the window!” I back peddled that direction. I thought our chances were slim to none of making it to the fire escape before the demon recovered, but we had to try something, and maybe I could slow it down. "Exorcizam-" _Fuck. Now I can’t move or finish my exorcism._

Circling me like a shark, he said, “You are brighter than I expected, North Star . . . Looking at you directly is nauseating, and I can honestly say, I have never felt that, but now that I have . . . I guess I have you to thank for that little experience . . . whaddya say we kill two birds with one fire.” 

_Seems a bit extreme for making him feel nauseated. You don’t see me killing off the CEO of Jose Cuervo, do you?_

The demon grabbed my phone out of my jacket pocket. “I actually have no idea what you’re thinking . . . again another first . . . I don’t know what you sent earlier. I’m just going to say, ‘False alarm . . . I’m going to the bar. Meet you there,’ to all of your contacts. The staging has to be right for the other one. You just need to die.” 

_Staging? What?_ The next thing I knew I was being knocked on my ass and sliding backwards along the floor into the opened closet behind me. I hit the wall with a thud, and door slammed shut. I still couldn’t move . . . I couldn’t shout for Jess. I couldn’t do anything. It felt like I had fucking hippo sitting on me and crushing me into the wall. 

Then I heard something sliding up the wall in the other room. It was a godawful noise. Everything else was silent. _Is that her? Please, please, please, don’t let that be Jess._ I listened to the sounds and . . . _If that’s her, than she’s on the ceiling . . . wait, the sound stopped . . . Why? Oh fuck . . . fuck, fuck, fuck . . . This is what killed their Mom. It’s why John fucked off._

I heard the front door slam shut, because we’d left it wide open, and I just knew that meant the stage was set. It wasn’t staged for me. It wasn’t staged for Dean. She was Sam’s girlfriend. _Don’t come back now, Sam . . . I need more time to figure out what to do._

I worked on being able to lift my fingers first. That I could almost do. If I could do that, maybe I could do the rest. I was able to lift my pointer finger up on my right and felt pretty good when I could get the next one up a little faster, so I kept going and slowly managed to get all of my fingers on both hands back under my control. _Good job . . . keep going. Get the palms up next._ I kept coaching myself until I got my hands from my wrists down to move and could kind of get my ankles to flex forward and wiggle my toes, and then my heart sank when I heard the front door open.

“Jess! You here?” _Where’s Dean? Did he go to the bar? No, he wouldn’t . . . He’s sweeping the place. Sam is panicked and just shouting for Jess._

I heard them both right outside my door after they must’ve searched everywhere else, and it was the worst place for them to stop. _Fucking stupid holy water puddles making them hang around where they shouldn’t be . . . Whatever you do don’t look up. Please don’t look up._

If I had to guess, based on what I knew about what happened to their Mom, the demons were just waiting to torch her until Sam saw her. A door separated me from them, but there was nothing separating Jess from them. I tried to touch my foot to the door to warn them, but I didn’t scratch it loud enough. Sam told Dean they should go check the bar down the road just to be sure. _Yes! Do that. Ignore the puddle. Go check the bar before either of you can look up._

“You go, Sam . . . I’m gonna stay here to see if they come back.” 

_No, Dean! The demon is still here. It’s just invisible, or I’d be able to move. Just go to the bar. Please go to the bar. I don’t want you to die too._

A couple of tears fell down my face out of frustration, when they started arguing instead of going. Sam was saying they had to stay together if the first text was legit. _Should’ve never sent that fucking text. It’s why they stopped in here when they saw water on the floor . . . fucking dickhead demons leaving that there . . . fuck. Just go. I need more time to figure a way out of this. As soon as Sam sees her, she’s dead . . . probably me too. I can do this. I just need time._

I heard Sam ask, “What is that?” and then I immediately heard what sounded like a pretty intense fight. 

_Why are they fighting? What the fuck is going on?_

Sam ended up by the door of the bedroom, and I heard him gasp and then yell, “Jess! No!” A few more tears fell. _It’s over._ I heard the fire roar to life in an instant and Dean pulling Sam out of the room the rest of the way. And I hoped that it was fast . . . whatever happened to Jess. 

I wouldn’t give up. I’d keep fighting until I couldn’t. _Get your heels up . . . start with the right . . . keep going . . . you’ve got this . . . Well, done . . . now the other._ The closet was starting to fill with smoke, but I felt like I was getting a little faster at being able to move than I had been before the fire had been set. _Maybe it’s adrenaline?_

Then the door handle jiggled. “Beth . . . you in there?” 

_Go before you can’t get out._

I heard Dean mutter, “Fuck that,” before the door started splintering open. He must’ve grabbed a hatchet while he was outside. When I could finally see him, I could also see the blaze the house was in behind him. He wasn’t going to make it if he didn’t leave now. 

He crawled through the hole in the door when it was big enough and tried to pick me up, but I wouldn’t budge. Whatever was keeping me in that closet wasn’t letting me go. I tried tapping Dean with my hands to tell I wanted him to go, and he gave me a determined look before standing and kicking what was left of the door open in one solid kick. Moving to my feet he said, “Show me what you’ve got done so far.” 

I did, and he put his hands under my heels and pulled as the ceiling came down behind him. I moved a few inches before being snapped back against the wall. “Try and help me out, Beth . . . mind over matter, right?” 

_Just go._

“Not leaving without you . . . if you want me to make it out of here, better start trying.” 

The next time he pulled, I tried to pull myself away from the wall at the same time. I felt like a mammoth trying to get out of a tar pit, but I came away from the wall a lot more that time. “One more time, and I think we’ve got it.” 

This time, he gave it everything he had, and I tried to do the same, but this time I focused on pushing the fucking invisible hippo off of me and suddenly went sliding into the other room with a jolt. Dean fell onto his back from the force of it, turned over onto his hands and knees, and crawled up to me. Looking around and seeing that all of our exits were blocked, he looked focused, not scared. “What’s the best way outta here?” 

I felt like I’d just run 10 marathons back to back after that, but my brain was working okay. “Break out that window by the bed. It’ll clear out some of the smoke . . . stay low when you do. It’ll pull the fire in here . . . but it’ll clear the path outside of this room . . . then you need to go through it to get out the door . . . go to the kitchen . . . tree outside window,” I coughed. He gave me a sarcastic look, like I wasn’t asking for much, pulled his handgun, shot the window out, and immediately dove to shield me with his body when a massive fire ball came roaring into the room. 

Taking off his coat, he covered me with it before I could protest and lifted me up. “Leave it on, Beth.” Not wanting to be the only one covered by it, I pulled it up around both of our heads and his shoulders . . . maybe at the wrong time, because we’d just gotten to the flames at the doorway. “Fuck, Beth . . . can’t see.” 

“8 of your normal steps forward . . . take a left . . . trust me.” _God don’t let him get burnt._

The fire burnt the back of the hand I was using to hold the coat around us, causing me to pull it back inside the leather coat on reflex. The coat started to slip, so I scrambled to keep it over him by holding it up from the inside. Then one of the legs on my jeans started to go up . . . I flinched, and he asked if I was okay. “I will be when we get to the kitchen.” 

He took another two steps, stopped, turned left, and then threw his leather coat off. Putting me on the table, he picked his coat back up and used it to start putting out the fire on my leg. As soon as I was put out, he dropped the coat, grabbed a chair, and used it to break out the window. The coat was destroyed from the fire in the hall, but I didn’t have time to think more than that, because flames came rushing in across the ceiling on their way to the open kitchen window. 

Picking me up, Dean said, “I know you’re tired . . . but we’re too high up for you to fall all the way to the ground . . . grab the first thing you can, and don’t let go . . . got it?” 

“Got it.” He waited for me to put my arms up in front of my face, and then pushed me out through the now burning window. I clung to the first thing I felt smack me in the ribs, and used it to pull my legs up, so I could wrap myself around the top of the branch. 

Dean was out a couple of seconds behind me, so he was getting down to my branch just as I got on top of it. I smelled burnt hair and felt him hit the back of my shoulders and neck a couple of times before he said, “Think it’s time for a new haircut.” I laughed and coughed. It hurt my ribs, but I didn’t care. 

“Come on . . . need to get down.” He helped me sit up, and I have no idea how we did it, but we got down that tree in record time. At the bottom, he caught me, and turned without another look back as he carried me around the side of the house . . . I did look back, and the tree was up in flames now too. Fucking hell. 

“Don’t do that again.” 

He shook his head. “I’d do it again right now. Not a chance I’d ever leave you like that.” 

Resting my head against his shoulder, I whispered, “How’d you know where I was?” 

“Soul mate benefits came through pretty loud and clear.” 

His Dad explained it to us when he brought me on the road with them. Some people know what people they’re close to are thinking, because they know them so well, and other people really know what the person they’re close to is thinking, because they’re soul mates. We didn’t really talk about it very much. 

“I can use it when I want, but I try not to . . . I’d rather hear you say whatever you’ve got to say . . . feels more honest, and you usually tell me what you’re thinking anyway. Plus, it takes some concentration on my part. Heard everything you were thinking this time without trying and through the door.” He stopped walking to look at me and added, “I thought . . .”

He paused and took a deep breath. “I don’t know . . . maybe it’s because Dad took off, but I knew why you didn’t want us to look up, so I looked down for the other thing I knew I’d find if it was what I thought it was. I heard about it enough times when Dad still talked about it . . . There wasn’t any blood in the holy water you kept thinking about, and I thought maybe I was wrong until I looked at the bed and saw it there . . . I thought you were up there with her, and I didn’t know what to do . . . didn’t know how to stop it . . . how to get you out of there . . . didn’t want Sam there, but I couldn’t leave you, and then Sam saw the blood . . . Think we need to start using it more . . . practice . . . It’s the only way I found you, and we need to work on what you’re thinking if something like that happens, because I don’t ever wanna feel like that again.” 

I coughed again when I tried to sigh. “I can’t do it.” 

He smiled before he started walking again. “You can. You just never do things the easy way . . . I like that out of the handful of soul mates that have ever been out there, mine’s different.” 

I guess that was one way of looking at it. All I could do was feel what he was feeling. “Where’s Sam?” 

“Had to knock him out by the car . . . couldn’t get him to stay outside and go back in to get you any other way.” _Oh, he’s gonna be pissed about that._

A fire truck came up the block a few seconds later, so I said, “I’m sorry, Dean . . . for Jess.” 

He stopped while we waited for the truck. “What happened?” 

“A guy named Brady came to the door. He was a friend of theirs. He wouldn’t cross the salt line I taped down. I told Jess to go in the kitchen to get him something. He told me I wouldn’t stop what was going to happen . . . I went to get my phone, texted you . . . big mistake –“ 

“Wasn’t a mistake . . . I’m your partner. That’s what you’re supposed to do. Something like that happens I wanna know about it . . . The only reason you’re still here is because of that text. I wouldn’t have gone in that bedroom if we hadn’t been looking for you . . . I wouldn’t have heard you . . . You could’ve burnt up, and I wouldn’t have known about it.” 

The firemen came over and took me from him after that so they could check me out before an ambulance pulled up and I got transported there. Dean explained to the medics that Sam got knocked out coming out of the house, and that’s why he was . . . well, he was awake, but he was groggy and kept saying Jess’s name. The medics took care of Sam, and it wasn’t long until he started to come around, which meant it wasn’t long before Sam realized that I was there, and Jess wasn’t. I’m sure it raised all kinds of questions for him. Ones I’d try to answer for him if I could.


	8. Search and Recovery

“Beth, mind giving us a minute?” She looked down and nodded before she got up from the table. Dean kept one eye on her and watched her light up a cigarette as soon as she got out the door of the diner. Unless she was with her Dad, he didn’t want her out of his sight after what happened, and she shouldn’t be smoking. Her lungs were still messed up from the fire. She’d quit for at least a year, and he got that this was stressful for her, but it was the worst time for her to go back on them. 

“Sam, it’s gotta stop. I don’t want you saying that to her again.” He was willing to let Sam heap as much abuse on him as Sam wanted. He’d shown up, pulled Sam back into all of this even though he and Beth probably could’ve looked for his Dad without Sam, and now Jess was dead . . . Sam should be pissed at him for that, but Sam wasn’t heaping abuse on Dean. He wasn’t saying anything to Dean at all, and that’s fine if it’s the way Sam needed to deal with it, but what Sam was doing with Beth wasn’t fine. It wasn’t good for Sam, and it wasn’t good for Beth.

Sam kept making her go over what happened the whole weekend over and over again. At first when nothing new came out of it, Sam said what happened was her fault, and she agreed with Sam, because she hadn’t put heavier salt down, which . . . why wasn’t there salt down already, but all right . . . Dean got that maybe she should’ve done it sooner even though she had no idea anything was going to happen. Then Sam started saying she did it on purpose, which was just dumb, but Dean let it go, and Beth got tired of saying that she hadn’t and ignored it instead of saying anything, because if she did, she would’ve started being sarcastic and made things worse. Now Sam said that she should be the one that was dead. 

That’s what Dean didn’t want Sam to say anymore. It kept coming up more and more, and his brother was getting more and more hateful about it. She could probably handle it, but Dean couldn’t. He got that it wasn’t fair to Sam. He still had Beth, and Sam lost Jess, but the last thing Dean wanted was his brother wishing was that Beth had been the one that’d died. That wouldn’t lead anywhere good. His brother was better than that, and she came too close to it for his brother to be saying that. 

When Dean saw the blood on the bed, he’d spent the next 10 minutes thinking that he’d already lost her . . . She was already dead . . . just hadn’t happened yet. He didn’t know how he’d kept it together around Sam. He’d felt like his entire world was collapsing, and then Sam saw that blood on the bed, and Dean had felt true fear . . . He’d believed she was about to burst into flames and that he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it any better than his Dad had. 

Dean didn’t want his brother to be going through any of what he felt in those 10 minutes . . . the pain Sam was going through now, the fear of seeing Jess up there and knowing it was too late . . . 10 minutes was too long, never mind the lifetime Sam had to live with it now. He wanted to do whatever he could for Sam, and he knew nothing he did would ever be enough, but he’d never in a million years be anything but . . . Grateful? Relieved? Any one of a hundred different words that still probably wouldn’t describe how he felt about getting Beth out of there that night . . . And he wouldn’t let himself feel guilty for feeling that. That’s what was putting them at odds. It didn’t really have much to do with him knocking Sam out that night.

Sam finally looked at him and decided to ignore what Dean had said. “Why are we leaving? We shouldn’t be leaving the scene of a case when we haven’t solved it yet.” 

“We’re spinning our wheels here, Sam. It’s gone cold. That Brady guy is gone in the wind . . . We’ve combed over everything . . . every piece of lore we can find about demons on the internet and on this campus . . . Dad’s journal . . . We’ve done all we can from here. Dad has to have an idea of what’s going on. The only thing we can do is try to find him and get some answers, so we’re heading to those coordinates he gave us, and we’ll move the search to finding him.” 

Sam exhaled and looked down while he nodded. “If that’s so important, why are we waiting around for a few more hours?” 

_Beth almost died . . . it was the closest she’s come to it._

She was still in bad shape with her lungs. That burn she had on her left hand was bad, but not as bad as the one on her leg. She was on crutches because of that one. The burn on her shoulder wasn’t as bad, but she had a broken rib, which meant she didn’t really want to use the crutches, so she wasn’t moving around a whole lot. She also had stress fractures nobody could do anything about on her collar bones, breast bone, shoulders, and spine that she said didn’t hurt, but the doctor had shown Dean the x-ray and said they had to be painful. She refused to take the pain meds anyway. 

The stress fractures came from fighting against the power of the demon that’d held her in that closet . . . that . . . that was what really let Dean know how close she came to dying. The theatrics were different than what happened with Jess, but the intent was the same . . . The demon had no intention of letting Beth leave that closet. 

“We’re not leaving until I know Beth’s with someone I trust to keep her safe while we’re gone.” He knew his brother could do all kinds of things with what he’d just said, but he was really hoping – 

“If it was anybody else, I’d say not to trust her with anyone, but since it’s Beth . . . I’m sure she’ll come out fine no matter what happens. We should go. We’re burning daylight, right?” 

_Nope. God, Sam is the champ at being passive aggressive._

Dean wasn’t leaving Beth alone. She couldn’t be in the car for long stretches. She couldn’t stand or walk for long stretches. She’d never say she couldn’t, but he knew her well enough to know when something hurt her and when it didn’t. The powerful demon, the one that’d locked her in the closet, it sounded like it knew her some how . . . never met her, wasn’t expecting her to be there, but it’d heard of her, and then it tried to kill her. Dean didn’t want it or any other demons coming back to finish the job. 

Dean needed to talk to her Dad anyway. He thought her Dad had a lot more tricks up his sleeve than he’d ever admitted and knew more about the life than he let on. He wanted to get her Dad’s thoughts on this North Star thing, and he wanted to see what the hell kind of cream her Dad had found that was supposed to heal anything. Something told Dean she’d be back to hunting again pretty fast if she used it, because her Dad was some kind of a miracle worker. 

He went to shake his head and tell Sam a couple of hours wouldn’t hurt anything, because he’d make up the time while they were driving, and Sam said, “Beth probably being fine for the next couple of hours on her own trumps us finding Dad so I can find out what demon killed Jess? Is that what you’re telling me, Dean?” 

_The living trumps revenge for the dead . . . probably shouldn’t say that._

He waited too long to answer. Sam huffed, threw his napkin on the table, and started to get up. “You know what? Forget about it. Don’t know why I expected anything –“ 

“2 minutes ago . . . you didn’t wanna leave. Now all of a sudden you have to go right this second? Don’t pretend like this is something it’s not, Sam. If you’ve got something else on your mind you wanna say, just say it.” Sam chose not to respond, so Dean decided to go pay for their bill. At least his brother was talking to him finally . . . that was an improvement even if it wasn’t much of one.

\----------------------

_”Find anything?”_

“Dad wasn’t here. He sent us after a wendigo.” 

_”I like hunting wendigos.”_

Dean grinned. “Yeah, I know you do . . . We didn’t know what it was until we were out there. Found out flare guns work for killing ‘em.” 

_”Good idea. That’d be easier than just about anything else we’ve ever used . . . Did you find anyone?”_

“Yeah . . . girl’s brother that got taken. She and her little brother were out there with us looking for him. We brought them back, but we lost someone . . . guy named Roy.” There really wasn’t anything she could say to make that any better. Roy just went out there expecting to be a guide, had no idea what he was up against, and now he was dead. Dean didn’t really want to talk about it. He just felt like telling her. 

_”How’s Sam?”_

Well, she could’ve picked a better topic to change it to than that. She didn’t mean ‘how’s Sam’ as in how was Sam doing, because she already knew Sam was struggling because of what happened. She’d meant how were he and Sam getting along. 

“I had a talk with him. Things seem better for now.” They’d be better until she came back, but Dean wouldn’t say that. He wanted her back as soon as possible. “How’s that stuff your Dad gave you working?” 

_”I have no idea how this stuff works. I’m thinking about breaking into a lab somewhere, so I can see what’s in it. Maybe if I can deconstruct it, I’ll be able to recreate it.”_

Yeah, that’s what he’d thought. Her Dad was definitely a miracle worker. “What’s it worked on so far?” He knew she had to be doing an experiment with it. 

_”The parts of my burns that I’ve put it on are nearly gone. And I know there’s no way it could possibly heal broken bones, but my rib, collar bones and sternum don’t hurt anymore, and my back does . . . I haven’t been putting it there. I thought maybe it was acting like a topical anaesthetic, but it’s not numb when I put on places that aren’t injured, and I don’t think a topical anaesthetic would make bones not hurt . . . I have no idea how it works. That’s why I’m going to figure it out.”_

She sounded frustrated by it instead of glad that it was working. “Thought you said your back and chest didn’t hurt?” He got silence on the other end of the phone in response, so he laughed. “Try putting it over one of your lungs . . . see what happens.” 

_”There is no way that could possibly work.”_

“I don’t know . . . if it’s working on bones, maybe –“ 

_”That can’t be what’s happening.”_

Dean grinned before saying, “You know what you should do? You should find a way to get another x-ray. Compare it to the one I know you stole from the last doctor.” 

_”Okay, but it’s just so I can prove you’re wrong.”_

“What’s the wager?” 

_”Two dollars. “_

He laughed again. “I don’t want that . . . you know what I want if it’s working? I want you stop messing around with it and use it, so you can come back, and try it on one of your lungs until you get the x-ray . . . I have to go. Think Sam’s ready to leave.” 

_”Okay. Are you guys going to keep looking for hunts on the side?”_

“Yeah, might go to Pastor Jim’s first . . . He’s got a pretty good collection of books on demons.” 

_”I’ll keep looking too. I’ll talk to you later._

It was really good to hear her voice even if it was just over the phone. Sure, sometimes she went to see her Dad for a couple of days, and maybe he might do a quick hunt with his Dad while she was gone, but for the most part, they were always together and had been since his Dad brought her out on the road with them. In fact, his Dad had even made her start going on hunts with them straight away, which isn’t anything he would’ve ever thought his Dad would do before that. 

Why did his Dad keep them together like that? It was simple. They were soul mates. His Dad said it wouldn’t have been a problem if they’d never met, but since they had, he had to bring her with them because of all the things out there that would want to use her to get at Dean or use her to get at his Dad through Dean.

Before she’d even left her house the night his Dad went to get her, she and his Dad had come to an understanding on how things would be, so they’d never really had any major problems. When it came to training or lore, she’d approach it the way she used to study for school and give it 100%, listen to whatever his Dad said without question, all of that, but on the actual hunts or in their down time, she could do whatever she wanted . . . even surprised his Dad more than a few times on a hunt. 

She and his Dad had this thing where his Dad would try to figure out what she would do on a hunt and leave his prediction hidden for her to find before the hunt went down, and then afterwards she’d check it. His Dad got it right about 70% of the time, and when he did, he always told her something, like ‘Thought you were supposed to be the genius . . . need to do more to think outside the box.’ 

They played this game, because her Dad told his Dad that if he wanted her to come out the other side of a hunt alive, his Dad had to give her the freedom to do things how she wanted, but turn it into a competition, and it needed to be a competition with rules so his Dad could still keep things from getting out of control. It only had two. 

Dean had asked his Dad about it after he figured out what they were doing, because she wouldn’t tell him. All she’d say was he should ask his Dad, because it was good for he and his Dad to talk about things, so he did, and his Dad had smiled and said, “Her Dad came up with the rules . . . He didn’t like the ones I came up with, so he negotiated on her behalf . . . First rule . . . no self-inflicted injuries . . . until I got to know her, I didn’t know why her Dad would think that had to be a rule . . . She usually leaves me a list of about 10 different ways she could’ve thought outside the box if it weren’t for that rule when she loses. She’s a sore loser.” 

Dean hadn’t known she gave his Dad responses until then, but his Dad didn’t seem to mind getting them. When he’d asked his Dad what the second rule was, his Dad had laughed and said, “No cheating . . . the only way she won’t is if it’s one of the rules.” 

Dean also hadn’t thought until then that it was a game his Dad actually liked playing. He needed to find his Dad. He was sure his Dad was hunting that demon that killed their Mom and Jess and laying low until the right moment to strike. The only other alternative was that their Dad had been killed by it, and that wasn’t an option. His Dad had to be out there somewhere. They just needed to find him. The timing of his Dad disappearing and what happened to Jess. It felt like it was intended for his Dad as much as it was for Sam. It felt like something big was starting. They needed to be together as a family to face it.


	9. Sometimes Coincidences Are Just Coincidences

“Oh come on! You’re first case back, and it’s a demon?!” 

Yeah, or that’s what I thought it was as soon as I saw the yellow powder on the handle. I watched Dean pace back and forth past the emergency door of the plane, but before I could say anything to put his mind at ease, Sam said, “He’s right. If that’s what this is, that’s an awfully big coincidence. Why’d you come back for this one?” 

Dean lost some of his steam after that. “You know that’s not what I meant, Sam . . . Let’s go. I want someone else to have a look and see if that’s really sulphur.” 

It was. I was sure of it, and he knew that. He just didn’t want me to be right. We pushed out the back door, and I said, “Sometimes coincidences are just coincidences,” before the security alarm inside started going off, and we had to make a break for it. 

_Oh, that’ so annoying. They make climbing fences like that seem easy._ It took me a little longer to get over, but I did all right. I’d just never be as fast as them. I had to jump to reach as high as as they could just standing.

After we got confirmation that it was sulphur from Jerry, Dean finally conceded that it was a demonic possession case. We researched it, and Sam came up with a demon that had a thing for creating disasters to wipe as many people out in one go as it could, so I said, “See . . . just some weirdo demon with a plane fetish. Has nothing to do with me. We’ll find it and exorcise –“ 

I was cut off by both of them at the same time. Sam’s argument was, “Funny it didn’t work out that way the last time you tried one. You shouldn’t be here . . . I’m not hunting for something, like a demon with someone I don’t trust,” which I chose to ignore, because it’d only been a month. 

Taking out what happened to Jess on me seemed to be his coping strategy at the moment, and I was okay with that. He had 3 anchors in his life right now that were helping to keep him from being swept away by all of this. One was looking for his Dad, so he could do something about the demon that killed Jess. The other was his brother. He might be frustrated with the lack of answers or progress when it came to findng his Dad, but he was a lot better with Dean than the last time I saw him. The third was being pissed off with me, and he should’ve been. It was my fault Jess was dead. 

Dean’s argument was pretty similar, i.e., I shouldn’t be on this case, but for different reasons, so I focused on what he had said. “50/50 on everything . . . Once that agreement is broken, things won’t be the same again.” 

That was the first time I’d ever had to say something like that to him, because he never tried to cut me out of a case until now. I think it caught him of guard, because he looked like he was at a loss for words for a few seconds until his phone rang and saved him. It was Jerry. There’d been another plane crash, and it’d killed his friend that was the pilot of the last plane crash. It had to be for the same reason the first plane went down. Sometimes coincidences weren’t coincidences at all. 

_Nope. Not a coincidence. It’s going after survivors, and I hate the way their EVP sounds . . .It’s so creepy._ There was a flight attendant that’d been on the first plane. She was supposed to be going back to work on a flight out of Indianapolis . . . tonight, so we left to go try and stop her. On the way back to the Impala, Dean pulled me aside to have a word. 

_He’s not gonna try to talk me out of this is he? We don’t have time for that._

“I’ll get us there in time. A minute isn’t going to change anything,” 

_Damnit._ Sometimes I forgot he wanted to practice using our soul mate thing more. 

“What’d you mean earlier when you said things wouldn’t be the same again?” 

I sighed. “I’m not a damsel in distress. Treating me that way changes everything about us. Might as well have never taken those cookies if that’s what you really think. What damsel in distress is going to be able to take care of you the same way you do her?” 

Shaking his head, he turned and started walking towards the Impala. “I don’t want you to do one hunt, and you make it seem like I’m destroying what we have . . . shouldn’t have taken the cookies? That’s just fucking awesome.” Half way there, he stopped and looked back at me. “I almost lost you.” 

“I almost lost 100 dollars last week in a poker game with my Dad, but that doesn’t mean I’m out a hundred now . . . It also doesn’t mean I’m going to stop playing poker. And what happens if you forget that first piece of advice my Dad ever gave you, because you’re on some quest to keep me safe?” 

Dean looked like he didn’t know what I was talking about for a few seconds before he relaxed and said, “Can’t get you out of trouble if I get myself into it? If something happens to me, I can’t have your back . . . is that what you mean?” I nodded, so he quickly added, “What about me? Who’s gonna have my back if something happens to you?” 

“We’re hunters. It’s always been a risk. You can’t bench me just because something _might_ happen. You’ll start doing it for every hunt, not just the ones with demons, because you’ll see me as a victim that needs to be protected. I know that in order for me to uphold my part of our agreement, I have to stay alive so I can be here to do it. I -” 

“You two coming?” Sam shouted from the car. He was right. We needed to go. 

Dean turned to look at Sam, and I said, “I’ll meet you two there.” 

His shoulders slumped, and he turned to face me. “You’re not even gonna ride in the car with us now?” I felt like a complete bitch, because I used that moment to see if I could try to pick up what he was feeling. He felt awful . . . like I was in the process of breaking up with him. He didn’t really know what was going on, but he was sure it was over between us for some reason. I wasn’t sure what I’d said that made him think that, but I tried to make it better. 

“I want to . . . I can’t. I have a plan. I need to get there faster than you can drive there. We are at an airport and know the guy running it, so I’m sure he can pull some strings and make that happen.” 

Looking a little hopeful, Dean said, “I’ll come with you.” I was going to say he didn’t have to do that, because he really didn’t like flying, but he turned and started walking before I could, and sniped at me. “Whatever . . . us being partners only means something when you get to have your own way. Do whatever you want. I don’t care what you do.” Then I watched him get in the car, start it, and take off without another look back. _Well, that didn’t go very well._

Standing at the front of the plane, I tried to psych myself up for this. Dean did tell me to do whatever I wanted, so that’s what I was doing. I’d gotten there about an hour and 15 minutes before the flight. At first, I tried to do what I could to get Amanda off that plane . . . It didn’t work. Calling and pretending to cancel her shift was a bad move. 

She wanted to know why I was canceling, so I told her we didn’t need her. She asked if it was because it was her first flight back. I said, yes. She said I couldn’t do that . . . something to do with her having rights, so I said I’d have human resources call to explain why. Then I called back as human resources and said I didn’t get her clearance from a psychiatrist . . . her paperwork wasn’t in order . . . and she said she’d fax it over in the next 10 minutes. I called back in 15, told her I hadn’t received it, and she said she’d sent it . . . that some kind of confirmation of receipt had been given, so it was there, I just had to find it . . . something about unions and blah, blah, blah and I had to let her work if she wanted to work and had the clearance. 

Then I went an easier route and got a hold of the other flight attendant scheduled to be on the flight. I cancelled her shift, and because she didn’t have anything to prove to herself or anyone else by getting back on a plane after a plane crash, she was fine with it. Flight attendant uniforms aren’t exactly easy to come by, but I found a way around that, and made my way towards the plane. 

When I boarded, Amanda was expecting the woman I’d cancelled, so I told her I thought human resources must have someone new in that didn’t know what they were doing, because I got a call at the last minute saying I had to come in. Apparently, they’d cancelled the other woman by accident, and they couldn’t get a hold of her again to tell her they’d made a mistake, so here I was. She seemed happy enough to complain about human resources and told me she’d had problems with them today too. It was a good bonding experience. 

That’s how I ended up at the front of the plane. Passengers were about to start boarding, and I wanted to be at the front door, so I could greet every single one of them with ‘Christo,’ and narrow this down as fast as possible . . . before we took off. 

Things were going okay. About half the passengers were on already, and then I knew the next two passengers. Neither one of them were expecting me to be there. One of them wouldn’t look at me, and the other one seemed mildly amused to see me standing there. I doubted Sam found it amusing that I was saying ‘Christo’ to everyone I saw before pretending like I hadn’t. I thought it probably had more to do with what his brother must think of seeing me there, which I assumed meant Dean was still mad at me. 

Dean played it off exceptionally well, like he didn’t know me at all, and walked on past. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to know what I had to do to fix this, so I might’ve tried to sense what he was feeling. He was nervous about the flight, and there was a lot of . . . self-loathing, but no real anger at me. I didn’t know why he felt that way. He hadn’t done anything wrong.

After the last passenger got on the plane, my next big worry was figuring out how to close the freaking door. I got it. There were directions printed right on it. I just wasn’t sure if I’d be able to do it until I tried. 

_Passengers are all on board. What do I do now? … Follow Amanda’s lead._ I closed the overhead compartments next. 

_Now what? Oh are we doing the safety demonstration? I always wanted to do that._ That was kind of fun, and I could cross it off my list of things to do. 

Then we had to make sure we were ready for take-off. Amanda gave the clearance, and we were good to go. Taking my special seat at the front, I buckled in, and in no time at all, we were taxiing to the runway. I wondered how Dean was doing, so I glanced in his direction when we lifted up off the ground. Not great. Better than I expected though. 

I waited until Amanda got up to start doing her thing before I got up. Sam stopped me on my way to the back to ask what I’d come up with so far. Leaning across Dean, I put my hand on top of his to give him some subtle reassurance, while I said, “It’s not in any of the passengers. It’s not in me, and it’s not in Amanda. We’re the only two flight attendants. I got here a little late, so that leaves –“ 

Sam looked towards the front of the plane. “The pilot or co-pilot . . . we need to know which one it is.“ Yeah, I knew the mad for his 40 minutes symbolism, but if we went in there and tried to do anything, he’d probably just crash us on principle alone. “We’ve got an exorcism we can use out of Dad’s journal. Call the pilot to the back of the plane to have a look at something. Say heard an unusual rattle or something. Let us know if –“ 

Dean decided to amend that plan. “We’ll say ‘Christo’ when the captain walks past us . . . follow him back if he’s possessed . . . If she doesn’t see us, she’ll know that he’s in the clear. She can say she doesn’t hear the noise anymore . . . next time she calls to say she hears it again . . . the captain will send the co-pilot, because he won’t think it’s anything. We’ll do the same thing and follow it back once we’re sure.” That worked for me. 

As soon as Sam nodded in agreement, I went to leave, but my hand wouldn’t come with me. I hadn’t looked at Dean yet . . . I guess because I felt bad about what happened, and I didn’t know how to fix it, not that we had time to fix it, while we were on a plane that was supposed to crash, but he and I never had fights in the middle of a hunt, and I hated that he came into this feeling the way he did. 

He needed my help. That’s why he wouldn’t let go of my hand, so I bent down to his ear and whispered, “You want some whiskey?” 

He thought about it and shook his head. “No time for it.” 

“Wanna join the mile high club?” 

He looked at me then and took a deep breath before he shook his head again. “Now? Don’t think there’s time before . . . maybe . . . You think - “ 

I cut him off with a grin. “Keep thinking about it . . . take your mind off of where you are.” That’s the only reason I’d said it. We never did anything like that in the middle of a hunt, so it was never going to be a real option. 

He nodded before he took a deep breath and let my hand go, but quickly grabbed it again before I could get too far away. “Could maybe use that whiskey. Make it a double.” We had time for that, so I got him a double that Sam wasn’t all that happy to see him lashing down, but one drink wasn’t going to do any harm and might help take the edge off a little. 

When I got to the back, I closed the curtain to give us some privacy if we needed it. We didn’t need anyone to get in the way if they saw us assaulting the pilot. Then I took a deep breath, picked up the phone, and called the pilot back. As luck would have it, he sent the co-pilot. It was lucky, because it saved us time, since that’s who the demon was possessing. 

We had about 15 minutes left by the time he got back there. Whatever it was about me that repelled demons seemed to work to our advantage this time. As soon as he came through the curtain and saw me, he paused, blinked, and totally missed Sam and Dean following him through the curtain. They had him knocked to the ground in no time and without making too much of a scene. 

I would’ve helped them when they started doing the exorcism, because it got a little more difficult at that point, but Amanda came back there at the wrong moment. I had to hold onto her to keep her from running out to go get help. “He’s possessed by a demon . . . It’s the same demon that brought down flight 2485. It’s the same demon that brought down Chuck Lambert’s plane earlier today . . . It wants to bring this plane down, because it’s going after the survivors of that first plane crash.”

“Chuck’s dead?!” 

“Yeah, I’m sorry . . . it happened a few hours ago. 40 minutes in and the plane crashed. Just like what happened on your last flight.”

“This man’s eyes -”

“You saw something like them on the last flight?”

“I saw something . . . I didn’t – What’s that?”

I looked at what they were doing and said, “Holy water. It’s not hurting the co-pilot, just the demon.” 

She looked a little shell-shocked when I said that, like it was finally starting to sink in, so I told her to go buckle up, because this demon wasn’t going to go down without more of a fight. The last thing we needed was for it to grab her, especially when it kept kicking both Sam and Dean off of it. 

I didn’t wait for her to leave before I finally joined in and held down one of its arms so Sam could finish up this part of the exorcism and get it out of the man. Needed to be speedier with the next part if this is the exorcism they were using. 

As Sam finished, black smoke shot out of the co-pilot’s mouth and headed into a vent. _Does that mean we’re on a possessed plane?_ “Sam, you need to be faster with the next –“

The plane started to . . . turbulence wasn’t the right word . . . it was a hell of a lot worse than turbulence, and I was thrown into the wall at the front of whatever this room at the back of the plane was called. I peeked through the curtain into the cabin, and . . . yeah, not good . . . stuff was flying everywhere . . . looked crazier in there than it did in here. “Come on, Sam. Hurry up. You need to –“ 

I watched John’s journal slide past me quickly followed by Sam and then was flung back against the back wall when the plane started to take a nosedive. _Well, fuck. Where’s Dean?_ I glanced around and saw him pinned up against the wall on the opposite side of the plane. He was freaking out. I wasn’t going to let him stay there on his own for something like this.

I used the wall to get on my feet. It felt surreal being held up against the wall by the g-force as the plane went down. Turning to face the front, I kept an eye on any debris from the front that might fly back here and started inching towards Dean. Sam could do this . . . if he got the fucking journal. Making it past the door, my focus fell solely on Dean. I only had about a foot to go when . . . lightning struck the plane? I don’t know. I think that’s what it was. Anyway, when the electric charge dissipated, the plane leveled out, and Dean immediately took a step forward and grabbed a hold of me in a really tight hug. 

His heart was beating a million miles a second at first, but as it started to slow down, he said, “I don’t care if you have to set my wallet on fire. Do not let me walk away like that again in the middle of a hunt.“ 

“I was an asshole. I’m –“ 

He laughed. “Can chicks be assholes?” 

I didn’t know. I assume so, because that’s what I was. 

“You weren’t . . . After we left, I got what you were saying. I want you to be my partner. I don’t wanna change that. I don’t want you to be some . . . stay at home girlfriend. You wouldn’t be anyway . . . probably start hunting on your own. When we got there, and I didn’t see you, I thought maybe you thought I ended things after what I said . . . I said I didn’t care what you do . . . I do, but I wanna be a part of everything you do . . . doesn’t matter if it’s a hunt or not.” 

“Even fly on planes, because you would’ve had to be on a really tiny plane on the way here.” 

He relaxed his hold a little. “Everything . . . even a plane. You don’t like spiders . . . if we ever come across a spider monster, I wouldn’t –“

“Please do . . . that is the one exception . . . bring on the demons, but if there are any spider monsters out there, I do not want to be a part of that hunt . . . no way. Take Sam.” 

He laughed again. “You’d really let me go on a hunt for one without you?” 

I stepped back and looked up at him. “How big of a spider monster are we talking? I have my limits.” All he did was give me a smirk in response, so I said, “All right, but . . . I think you’d actually hear me scream like a little girl and see me run away for the first time ever.” 

“Then I’m gonna start looking for one as soon as we land. Need something to make up for what you saw when the plane was going down.” 

“Well, then I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t see anything, so there’s no need to go looking for spider monsters to make up for anything.” He went to disagree, but I stopped him. “I think the spiders we find in the motels where we stay are spider monsters. Do those count?” He looked like he was getting an idea, so I said, “Please don’t start putting them on my pillow.” Just the thought of it gave me the heebie jeebies. 

He slumped and then smiled. “I won’t . . . think I’d lose spider hunting privileges if I did something like that . . . kind of like that you have me clear out wherever we’re staying after you find one . . . Spider monster’s not off the table though. If I was on a hunt for one, I know you’d be there . . . no question . . . probably be the fastest hunt we’ve ever had, because I think you’d kick the shit out of it to get outta there faster, but you’d definitely be there.” 

Well, I’d have to be now, wouldn’t I? “We’re probably going to be landing soon. I stole this uniform from a flight attendant from a different flight when she was at her car. I need to change . . . my clothes and hairstyle and a few other things, so I can blend in with the other passengers, because I don’t want any questions from the FBI while I’m wearing it. You should go find, Sam.” 

That’s when I heard Sam’s voice behind Dean say, “I’m right here . . . go change. We don’t need the FBI on us if you really mugged someone to get that uniform.” 

_It wasn’t really a mugging. How many muggers give you 200 dollars for something?_

“200 should do it. What’d you tell her?” 

_I showed her the homeland security badge, told her that it was a national security kind of thing, and asked for her spare uniform . . . Then I said the money was for any inconvenience, and she didn’t have to file it with her taxes._

Before he could respond to what I was thinking again in front of Sam, I gave Dean a look that told him to be more discreet. Sam didn’t know what we could do, because he didn’t know we were soul mates. His Dad said it was better if we didn’t tell anyone including Sam, so nobody could use it against us or Sam or anyone else that might know . . . It was like our secret weapon. That was the first time Dean had slipped up in front of anyone.

To cover for it, he said, “Just want to know if the homeland security badge, Sam thought was a bad idea worked.”

“Yeah . . . it worked perfectly.”

“You’re probably right about not having much time before we land . . . wouldn’t have minded marking that one off my list . . . was never on my list, but now that I had a chance and passed it up . . . think it’s on there.” 

_Mile high club?_ He grinned. _Have to get back to Indianapolis somehow._

Dean paused and weighed up getting on another plane versus sex on a plane and said, “Might make a frequent flyer outta me yet . . . but not this time,” before he nodded subtly behind him towards Sam. Yeah, if we hooked up on the way back, Sam would know. It’s not that we weren’t acting like we were together. We couldn’t act like we weren’t. It just wasn’t possible after being together for so long, but we’d been trying to tone it down around Sam, which was difficult . . . I knew that sounded selfish . . . being frustrated in not being able to take comfort in something as simple as a hug when Sam would never be able to hug Jess again, but I wasn’t entirely sure that what we were doing by backing off on things with each other was even helping Sam. 

Maybe it drew more attention to his loss when he saw us trying to hold back in front of him. Or judging by the look he threw our way as he headed back through the curtain, he took way too much pleasure in our fight earlier, and got too annoyed when things were good with us again. Maybe by doing what we were doing, we were playing into some kind of a grief coping mechanism that some might think was unhealthy.


	10. Attempted Murder by Monster

Dean heard a voice that sounded like his brother’s say, “Damn it,” out there somewhere. 

He took a deep breath to respond and choked on the dust under the dirty tarp covering him. “That’d better be you, Sam, and not that freak of nature.” It said it was Sam, but how did he know if it really was by its voice? He’d know Sam anywhere, but he had to see who this was first before he could be sure. When he finally got the tarp off, Dean felt like he needed a shower after the layer of grime it left on him. _Awesome. Still in the fucking sewer too._ “Where’s Beth? Did it –“ 

“I don’t know. We need to get out of here. It said something about going to Rebecca’s. It looks like . . . not just looks like. It’s becoming you. She’ll let him in if he knocks on her door and says something you’d say to worm your way in.” 

_Why would it go to Rebecca’s place?_ This thing got off on making women think the men they loved were torturing them before it killed them . . . It was as much about that as it was making the men go down for it. That made Beth a perfect target for it if it looked like him. Maybe it said that it was going to go after Rebecca, because it was talking to Sam, and she was Sam’s friend, so he cared about her? 

Dean got the ropes off after a couple of minutes and moved towards Sam to help him do the same. “How long ago did it leave?” 

“Maybe 20-25 minutes. I think it might have used the sewers to get back . . . maybe the car is still here. We should go look.” Yeah, Dean wasn’t chasing after it through the sewers. Getting above ground to track it down sounded pretty good right about now. 

Before they left, Dean hesitated. “You’re sure it didn’t say anything about Beth. I mean if it looks like me –“ 

Sam gave him a look and said, “We need to go. You saw what it did to those other women. We need to get to Becky. Now.” 

This thing only gave that one woman about 25 minutes before it killed her. Rebecca’s house was only a couple of miles from here. This thing could run that in half that time. If it was already there, they didn’t have much time. Dean started calling Beth’s phone when he didn’t see her waiting by the Impala or any sign of her along the way. It kept going straight to voicemail. 

“You’re sure you didn’t see Beth down there? It’s going straight to voicemail. Maybe it –“ 

“Beth can look after herself. Becky can’t.” 

Yeah, okay. If Sam was sure that thing was already miles from here, Beth should be all right on her own. Dean got in the car and started her up with a final look back towards the alley, and then floored it to get to Rebecca’s place. He knew Sam was freaked out about losing anyone else, but along the way, he had to talk Sam out of putting an APB out for him. It made no sense, because he’d get there faster than the cops could, and the cops would just mess it up. They wouldn’t know how to kill it, and it’d get away. He wanted this thing dead. 

When they got up to the door, Sam stopped Dean from kicking it in, so Dean went to pick the lock, and Sam stopped him again before knocking. The last thing Dean expected was for that Rebecca chick to open the door, like she was fine. _Does it look like her now?_

Dean followed Sam into the house and listened while his brother tried to get her not to be pissed at him for lying to her earlier. _Something isn’t right. Where’s the urgency now? Why isn’t Sam testing her to see if she’s the shifter? Why isn’t Sam sweeping the house?_

Maybe Sam thought it was best not to alert her to there being a monster in her house, but it didn’t look like Sam was trying to get her out of here either. Dean turned away from them and took a silver bullet out of his magazine, palmed it when he turned around to shake Rebecca’s hand and give a lame reintroduction as just Sam’s older brother, not a detective. She was in the clear. Sam was there now, so Dean turned around and walked out the door. 

“Where are you going, Dean? We need to make sure it -” 

Turning, as his rage got the better of him, Dean grabbed a hold of Sam’s jacket and slammed him into the side of the house. “Maybe it did say it’d come here, but I don’t think that’s what it was planning on doing first, and I think you know that. You’d better hope she’s alive when I find her.” 

Letting Sam go, Dean turned to walk away, and heard Sam say, “She got Jess’s chance . . . Why should she have Becky’s too?” Dean didn’t know what the fuck that meant, but he wasn’t gonna wait around and ask. 

He got back to the manhole he and Sam used to get out of the sewer even faster than he’d gotten to Rebecca’s house, made sure his gun was loaded, and headed back down into the sewers. _Fucking disgusting monster with its disgusting skin shedding everywhere and its disgusting lair._ If he were one of these things, no way would he live in a fucking sewer with rats. He’d make himself look like a billionaire and live it up like one. Go back to that cabin Beth rented for his birthday . . . wasn’t a billionaire’s cabin, but it was the closest to living like one he’d ever been. He’d take Beth wherever she wanted anywhere on the planet in his own private jet. He’d still hate flying, but he’d get to be a VIP member of the mile high club . . . and kill monsters like this one in any city around the world. Wouldn’t change that. 

Dean started at the lair. This thing was becoming him, so what would he do if he were a monster? Take Beth somewhere nearby. It’d be the best way to hurt him, because if he found her near here, he’d know how close he’d been to saving her and hadn’t because he’d fucking left . . . if it had her. It’d brought him and Sam both down. Beth was smart and could think her way out of most situations, but she’d never be a match for brute strength, especially not if it was from a sneak attack. All that thing needed to do was to walk up to her looking like him, and it’d be able to get close enough to do whatever it wanted by the time she figured it out it wasn’t. 

He trashed the lair looking for any hidden tunnels or rooms attached to it and didn’t find any, so he went back into the tunnels and took the first right and first right again, got about 10 feet and stopped at a hole in the wall to his right. Keeping his handgun ready in case that thing tried to get the jump on, Dean carefully bent down to make his way in through the hole. He sidestepped a rat, and then let his flashlight scan the back wall. That’s where he finally found her. 

If he had to guess, he’d say she was propped up on just the other side of the wall from that shifter’s lair . . . She’d been maybe 3 feet away from him. She was tied up. Her head was lolled down to her chest. She wasn’t moving, and he could see from here that it’d gone to town on her. 

Quickly going to her, he was stopped about 6 feet away when she drowsily said, “I need you to leave me here . . . and make an anonymous call to the cops . . . Knock out the security cams if there are any around . . . tell Sam to stay with Becky and make sure she doesn’t say she knows me if they ask . . . tell him to tell her lawyers about the blood leading out of the back of Zack’s house to the sewers . . . might want to make it fast . . . I pissed it off . . . it left a knife in my side . . . kind of bleeding out here . . . maybe see if you can clear some of the rats out of here before you go. I’m getting tired . . . they’re well fed, or I’d be Willard, but they’re relentless.” 

He’d make the call after he got her out of here . . . Dean kicked a few rats away the closer he got and then thought maybe he shouldn’t touch her . . . maybe she didn’t want him here because the thing that’d done this looked like him. “I know it wasn’t you, Dean . . . I’d look at you right now, but I can’t really see . . . eyes are swollen shut, and I’m too tired to lift my head much. I need to conserve my energy. Need you to make that call . . . I’ll give them your spare cell phone number, so they can contact you when I get to the hospital. You’ll have to burn the phone you use to make the anonymous call.” 

In frustration, he kicked a few more rats. Some of them were getting too close to her, and now that he could see how much blood was around her, he knew why they were a problem. He had to get her out of here, but he couldn’t pull the knife out or she’d bleed more, but if he didn’t get rid of it, it could do more damage if he carried her. “I’ll be okay, Dean . . . I let myself be a punching bag for a while, and now we need to use it.” 

She was getting good at using their soulmate thing. He hadn’t had to say a word yet, and he thought maybe she was keeping him from saying anything, because she wouldn’t be able to handle hearing his voice . . . maybe it’d done all this in the dark or maybe her eyes swelled shut early on, and all she’d been able to hear was his voice when it was hurting her. “Not a victim, Dean . . . I can take a beating . . . all part of the plan . . . I’ll never be scared of you. Just feel better right now knowing what you’re feeling.” 

_Plan?_ “Did Sam know?” 

Beth tried to take a deep breath and answered irritably, “Go make the call.” 

Maybe the professionals were the only ones that could help her, and he didn’t want her to keep suffering while he stood around trying to figure out what to do. He didn’t give a damn about whatever plan she had working. He cared about her, but if she went through this for her plan, he didn’t want it to be for nothing, so he said he’d go make the call and dialed as soon as his phone showed he had a couple of bars. It was an anonymous tip saying she needed immediate medical attention, and the directions to her were exact. 

Getting rid of the phone, Dean then called Sam on a pay phone, told him what Beth wanted Sam to know and added that if him or Beth showed up, it was the shifter. Sam started to ask, “How –“

Dean hung up and quickly changed out of his clothes that smelled like a sewer, had a look around for any security cams and thought there might be a few that might be a problem if they caught any of them heading into or out of the sewer. Then he waited for the cops and paramedics to show up. As soon as they got there, he went to the places with the security cameras, said he was a detective with the cops that were showing up outside and needed their security footage . . . 3 of them weren’t working cameras, but the fourth was, so he took the tape. Sure the people in those places got a good look at him, but they’d just say they talked to another cop on the scene, and the other cops would all think it was one of them. Didn’t even have to give them a name with the real cops being around . . . just flashed a badge. 

He watched them pull Beth out, followed the ambulance from a distance, waited at the hospital until he got the call, and then waited another 10-15 minutes before he went in saying he got a call about his fiancée. They always went with fiancée when one of them got sent to the hospital . . . almost as good as saying they were married when it came to getting access to each other . . . better in some ways. The nurses always felt worse for them and gave them more information, because they hadn’t had the chance to tie the knot yet. 

The woman at check-in put him in the waiting room, and there were already cops in there waiting for him. He told them he and Beth were passing through town . . . She’d gone out shopping and was supposed to meet him when she was done, but she never showed up. She had a bad sense of direction, so he’d been out looking for her. Then he got the call from the hospital saying she was there, and now he wanted to know what the hell happened to her, because nobody was telling him anything. 

That was a pretty standard cover they used. He hoped that’s the one she gave. If some of the details were off, they could explain it away by saying she’d been attacked and couldn’t exactly remember the name of the place where they were supposed to meet . . . plus if she was supposed to be bad at directions, which she wasn’t . . . it made it seem more real if she got it wrong. 

The cops sat him down and . . . now with the way they were acting, he wasn’t sure if she was still alive. _Where the hell is the doctor? Cops are the ones that tell you people died._ His reactions were authentic . . . He went from silently begging them not to tell him what he didn’t want to hear to being relieved after they said she was in surgery and still holding on . . . had to put his head in his hands while he took a couple of deep breaths after that one. 

He pulled it together and asked some questions . . . ones he thought normal people would ask, like who the cops thought could’ve done something like this. They said it was part of an on-going investigation, that they couldn’t give too many details, or they might jeopardize the case. On-going investigation meant they’d already tied it to Zack’s case, so they knew they had the wrong guy in custody . . . Her plan seemed to be working so far. If she pulled this off, Dean wasn’t gonna give her a hard time about it. She’d worked too hard for him to do that, but maybe he would start enforcing those two rules his Dad had when it came to a hunt . . . She’d say that technically this wasn’t self-inflicted, but letting yourself be a punching bag for a monster seemed self-inflicted to him. 

After the cops went back to the station, Dean was left there alone, waiting to hear anything from the doctor. That’s where telling the nurses they were engaged was helpful, especially when he started telling them things, like how he and Beth met when they were little kids and how he hadn’t let her go since he found her again in high school . . . that one always got to people for some reason. 

He found out all kinds of things about how she was really doing long before the doctor came out to tell him she’d be okay and that he could go see her after the anaesthesia wore off. The male nurse he’d been talking to about her fast tracked it for him, so Dean got in there sooner than that. She still looked like she was in bad shape, but her heartbeat was steady on the monitor. He looked around and made sure nobody was coming before he pulled a jar of that stuff her Dad gave her after the fire out of his pocket. There was still a ton of it left over, so she’d brought it with her in case any of them needed it again. 

First, he some on her forehead and around her eyes . . . kind of wanted see how fast it worked. It had to be fast if those burns she’d had cleared up in a couple of days . . . Then he put some on a cut and a really bad bruise on her neck, and that’s when she woke up. “I want my money back . . . this is a terrible spa,” was the first groggy thing she said. Hearing his laugh made her relax straight away. “You’re using it on me, aren’t you? I recognize the scent.” 

It did smell really good. He was expecting it to smell like anything, because it was clear. Mostly it smelled like . . . Christmas he guessed? Her Dad had to have custom made this just for her. He didn’t even care how her Dad did it as long as it worked. “Yep . . . wanna see how it works.” 

She smiled and said, “Maybe if you see how it works, you’ll finally let me run some tests on it,” before she reached for his hand, and he gave it to her. “We might have to stay here a little longer . . . I told the cops what I could in a short amount of time, but I think they’ll want to hear more from me. They won’t find the one doing it, so the case will stay open . . . that means we won’t have to stick around for a trial . . . just a little longer to make sure Zack gets out, and maybe they’ll be able to tie it to that man and his wife if they look for blood outside his house too. We need to find it. If it didn’t go to Becky’s, and Sam didn’t take care of it, we need to track it down.” He knew they needed to finish the hunt, but he wasn’t leaving her. Sam could finish this one on his own.

“You wanna tell me what your plan was?” At his question, she tried to scoot over and roll onto her side to make room for him. _She shouldn’t really do that if - She’s going to do whatever she wants anyway. Might as well help._ As soon as she was comfortable, he kicked off his boots and found a way around the tubes and wires, so he could climb in next to her. 

After he’d settled, she whispered, “I saw it knock Sam out and pick him up, so I followed them back to its lair. I could’ve killed it, but if I killed it, we couldn’t clear Zack or that husband, because it looked like you. I needed to figure something else out, so while it was giving Sam a Bond villain speech, I decided to give it another victim . . . a fake victim that it couldn’t resist, because it looked like you. 

I’m pretty good at being able to shut down pain. I thought if I didn’t give it what it wanted . . . the crying and begging . . . it’d want it more, so it’s speed things along, and I’d have injuries matching Zack’s girlfriend by the time you and Sam had enough time to get untied. You guys would kill it, hide the body, make the anonymous call, and I’d be able to give them a description of someone that looked exactly like Zack. 

I came into the lair and intentionally let my guard down around it, so it’d think I thought it was you getting Sam out of there . . . It knocked my head against the wall and took me where you found me . . . I heard you and Sam leave after it’d already started in on me, but I couldn’t let you know where I was, because it started choking me until after you were gone . . . I still wouldn’t give it what it wanted after that. I knew if I did, it’d just kill me, and I had to wait for you to get back. I may have eventually said that the surroundings it chose to live in were scarier than it, so it stabbed me and left me there to die alone in those surroundings. Are you mad?” 

Yeah, but not at her. Her plan would’ve worked if Sam hadn’t screwed her over. Almost 10 years . . . that’s how long she’d been a part of Sam’s life. Dean got that Jess was dead, and that sucked for Jess and Sam, but Sam should be grateful that Beth got out of that fire. She was part of Sam’s family. She should matter to Sam more than some chick he wasn’t even good enough friends with not to lie to about what they did . . . They still would’ve saved Rebecca no matter what happened, but they wouldn’t have had to go over to Rebecca’s house at all if Sam had just told him that monster had Beth. They would’ve found Beth and the shifter in no time. 

Now that he thought about it, the reason Sam wanted to have the cops out looking for him wasn’t because he was worried about Rebecca. Sam had wanted to send them to Beth. That meant Sam might’ve felt some remorse about it afterwards, but not enough to just fess up and say that Beth was in trouble . . . and then Sam tried to justify it with some bullshit about Beth getting Jess’s chance . . . There was nothing Sam could say to make Dean think this wasn’t exactly what it was. It was an attempted murder by monster. 

“You using your soul mate thing?” He had a look at her forehead. It might be his imagination, but he thought it looked a little better already. Beth nodded, so he asked, “What’s it telling you?” 

“You’re mad. You’re not mad at me. You’re feeling protective of me. It feels like a betrayed and frustrated kind of mad. I’m going to go with it being directed towards, Sam.” Dean liked the way her side of this worked. Meant he didn’t have to talk about his feelings. A lot of times there was no way to describe how he felt, but he didn’t have to with her, because she felt it too and knew what it meant. 

Dean grabbed the jar out of his pocket and opened the top before trying some of it on the split in her lower lip. Then he put some more on her neck. He felt like taking care of her, and this was the only way he knew how to do that right now. Spreading some more on the scrapes along the hairline at her temple, he concentrated on what he was doing and said, “I was thinking about it out there. We already tell the hospitals that we’re engaged . . . think we should bump it up to something like that all the time. I’m not talking about marriage. Being soul mates trumps that hands down . . . and I’m not really talking about a ring either . . . that’s not your thing. Was thinking I’d find something else to give you.”

“I don’t understand.” 

He didn’t really know how to explain it. “I don’t know . . . just feels like girlfriend doesn’t cover it . . . don’t really think anything does. I mostly want to give you something, so you and me know it’s more than that.” 

When she didn’t say anything, he looked down at her and gave her a little nudge to get a response from her. “What about you? Why do I get something and you don’t?” 

He exhaled a laugh. “50/50 on everything, huh?” She nodded, so he said, “Yeah, all right . . . What are you gonna get me?” while he gently rolled her closer to him, so he could put some more of that stuff on her shoulder and upper back. 

“Something silver . . . something that lets me know at a glance you’re not a shapeshifter.” Maybe what happened to her had affected her more than she let on. 

“Did it mess with your head . . . seeing me –“ 

Now that he could see her side, he could see more of the serious damage that’d been done to her, so he stopped talking and focused on that. He wiped more of that Christmas stuff over some stitches just above her hip before he put some on a bruise that covered half her side. He’d wait until he got her out of here to do something with where the shifter had left the knife in her side, because that was bandaged. When he looked a little further under her nightgown, he exhaled at the stiches he saw from all the cuts across her torso. She looked like the Bride of Frankenstein. 

She placed her forehead on his chest and said, “Not at first. It did after you left. I took a couple of hard knocks to the head, so it made me a little fuzzy . . . and I kept thinking you were tricking it to make it think you’d left or you’d get above ground and come back, but I never thought you were the one hurting me. It had your voice . . . I wanted it to be you every time I heard it, and it wasn’t, and I knew it wasn’t. I just . . . I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want you to feel –“ 

“Like it’s my fault? I’m your partner. It’s my job to have your back . . . I knew something wasn’t right, and I still left. I would’ve found you if I’d spent even 2 minutes looking for you.” 

“You were there when I needed you, and I knew you would be. I would’ve done the same thing you did if I only had what you did to go on . . . I did do what you did, or you wouldn’t have been knocked out. I should’ve never –“ 

“I told you to stay with Sam. What happened to me after that wasn’t your fault.” 

She quickly said, “Well, then I let a monster take me. What happened to me after that wasn’t your fault.” She nestled into him a little more and added, “Maybe we’ve just gotten used to it being the two of us, and three makes it a little harder.” 

_That’s one way to put it._ “Except nothing like this has ever happened when we hunt with Dad, but I know what you mean . . . You did stuff you wouldn’t normally do. I did stuff I wouldn’t normally do. And we both trusted the wrong person.” 

“What are you going to get me?” 

Yeah, all he wanted to do right now was focus on the two of them. “I already got it. I was gonna give it to you for Christmas next week, but –“

“Do that . . . I need time to get mine.” His was a vintage mechanical watch with a thick brown leather band. When he saw it, he’d thought of her straight away. He didn’t have as much money as he used to have to get her things, and she didn’t either with them both supporting Sam until Sam got over this thing he had about how they got their money, but he’d had to get it for her, and he’d thought he could justify buying it if it was a Christmas present even though 4 months ago he would’ve given it to her straight away. It worked for this too. Maybe it worked even better this way. He’d pick her up a few books and maybe a few other things between now and then. She could get those as her Christmas presents, so he could keep the watch as a separate thing, one of those things he gave her just because . . . kinda missed being able to do that now.


	11. Overcoming An Emotional Terrorist

I woke up to something brushing against my upper arm, and the first thing I did was try to shrug it off until I realized it wouldn’t go away, so then I smacked it, because I thought it was a spider until I quickly sat up to look and saw Dean trying not to laugh. I guess it’d been him. I checked the motel alarm clock. He must’ve carried me in from the car. 

Rolling to face him, I propped myself up on my elbow and said, “Happy Birthday . . . You let me sleep through the midnight part.” 

He pulled me a little closer and whispered, “Remember what we were doing this time last year?” 

_Yeah, pretty hard to forget._ “I think right about now you were telling Star how you were in an open relationship.” 

He handed me his flask and said, “You were on whiskey sours . . . this is close enough . . . think we should try to recreate it.” 

I smiled and took a drink. We hadn’t been able to have sex in 3 months. At first it was so we didn’t rub in the fact that we still had each other, but now it was almost like Sam was on a mission to stop us from being together, and it didn’t matter what time of day or night it was. I’d leave planning to meet Dean somewhere else, and Sam would force Dean into a conversation about their Dad or Jess, or Dean would leave, and Sam would force me into a conversation about Jess, or we’d both try to leave, and Sam would either say he was coming with us or tell us we couldn’t go, because he’d found a hunt we had to do right that second. 

I took the flask back from Dean and had another drink. “I think we should go back to your place . . . mine’s a little far from here.” 

He grinned before he leaned forward and said, “I have one rule.” I waited for it, and he said, “No matter what I do to you . . . you can’t make any noise.” 

“Right here?” I was thinking the bathroom or the car. He nodded. “Is this about Sam, because –“ 

“It’s about you and me. You came out of that fire, and I am not gonna act like I’m sorry you did, because I’m not, and the more I think about it, the more I think that’s what I’ve been doing.” I hadn’t thought of it that way. Had we been admitting that I shouldn’t have lived by not letting us be ‘us’ as a courtesy to Sam? That was a depressing thought. “Plus it’d be kind of hot. I wanna see if you can do it because I tell you to . . . whether we’re alone in here or not.” 

I waited a couple of seconds too long, so to prove his point, Dean picked up something and threw it at Sam. “Go rent another room, Sam.” 

Yeah, see . . . Sam was still awake, because he promptly responded, “I’m not renting another room just so you two can have sex.” 

He was always awake and would find a way to screw it up even if we tried to sneak out of here now. I didn’t think he’d heard what we were saying, because we’d been too quiet for that, but he’d definitely heard us talking and probably knew why Dean woke me up. He’d probably been waiting for the right moment to interfere again. It was so frustrating. 

I quickly made a move on Dean. He wasn’t expecting that, so it took a couple of seconds for him to relax. After that he rolled us, so that I was under him. I’d really missed feeling like that, like I was completely protected on all sides. His arms on either side of me, and him on top . . . It was like being inside a warm, safe cave where nothing bad happened . . . Maybe I’d needed that feeling of intimacy more than I’d thought. I guess we had been through two pretty stressful events in the last 3 months that could’ve easily gone the wrong way. 

I wasn’t one for public displays of affection, but I didn’t particularly care when Sam flipped on the lights to grab his laptop and turned on the TV. All I cared about was Dean. He Dean pulled back a few minutes later, and the look he gave me . . . he was serious about not holding back anymore. It wasn’t a lustful look or anything like that. It was a look that he didn’t have any control over . . . I didn’t even think he knew he gave me that look. It said how much I meant to him. It was attentive and caring and like I was someone new . . . someone he was enjoying getting to know for the first time and was surprised he was with . . . someone he wanted to stay with for as long as possible, but at the same time it was like he knew everything about me, and that’s what he was enjoying, because he’d never get tired of me. 

We didn’t even have to be kissing or having sex for me to catch that look from him even though he usually ended up kissing me right after I caught it. A lot of times I’d see it when I did something he didn’t expect on a hunt, or when I got excited about something, like a movie or somewhere he took me that he thought I’d want to see, like the Bodies exhibit . . . after he made sure the place wasn’t haunted by spirits attached to the dead bodies on display, and sometimes I saw it when he was proud of me after I won a poker game or at an alias I came up with, or when I was reading a book or a comic book or watching The Wire and talking away about whatever was happening. 

He gave me a warm smile that killed me every time I saw it and then leaned back down to reconnect our lips. _It’s his birthday . . . we should really try to find –_

Breaking the kiss, he moved to my ear. “I’m not in any hurry. Got two days to find ways of getting you alone every chance I get . . . have a record to beat.” 

_Some record . . . I think we should get started on trying to beat it now. See if I can’t stick to your rule._

He propped himself up, so he could look down at me, so I glanced towards the bathroom, and he grinned. “I think you’re worse than me. You know he’s just gonna start pounding on the door the second we go in there.” 

_I could always go in and take a shower._

Dean glanced towards Sam to see if he’d noticed just him talking, but Sam was pretending like he was ignoring us, while he looked for what I assumed was a reason for us to get to the hunt we were going to faster. Leaning down to whisper into my ear again, Dean asked, “Are you blackmailing me?” 

_Maybe . . . you can stay out here and know what I’m doing or you could come in and watch . . . join in if you want._

“I’m not letting you have all the fun. Go ahead and get started without me. I’ll be in there in a few minutes.” I wasn’t getting anything started without him. I think he was going to try and get Sam to leave one more time. I could wait. 

When he came into the bathroom ten minutes later, I asked him if he’d had any luck, because he didn’t look as up for it as he had when I went in there. “Went and rented him his own room. Still won’t leave.” Sam could be stubborn. He’d always been that way. “And I mean it’s not just about him not wanting to change rooms . . . or this.” Dean paused to point his thumb at the door behind him when Sam knocked to tell him something about the hunt. “It’s about him punishing me, and why he’s doing it.” 

I quickly hopped out of the shower and put my clothes back on. “What room did you get?” 

Dean sighed. “Last one they had . . . room at the end . . . Look, there’s no point now . . . not really in the mood, just don’t wanna go back out there.” 

_So, we’re just going to hide in the bathroom from his brother all night? Fuck that._

I left the shower running and went to the bathroom window, opened it, and started to climb out. Dean grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back in. “What are you doing, Beth?” 

Yeah, I was still pretty wet, and it was freezing out there, because it was January, but I didn’t particularly care. “We’re running away from home for a few hours. We can just go spend time together . . . doesn’t have to be anything more than that . . . plus I wanna see if I can break into that room without my tools of the trade.” 

He looked down at my attire and said, “And without shoes?” 

I nodded, and he took a deep breath before he put me back down and started to climb out ahead of me. While he did that, I pulled a little cabinet in front of the door and put it at an angle to jam the door closed. When Dean got outside, he growled in frustration as Sam started jiggling the handle. Then he got that determined look he got on hunts, and reached back in through the window to help me out. “Climb on . . . I’ll get you there, and you can to do the B&E.” 

It took us a little while to get in the other room, because my fingers started to freeze, but we did it. He helped me through the window, and then turned saying something about covering our tracks. The first thing I did was turn on a light and head for the heater, so I could warm up in front of it. While I waited for Dean to come back, I thought about how this was really just a sad and pathetic turn of events. I was going to use this as one of my birthday presents to Dean . . . a couple of hours away from everything. It wasn’t much, but a couple of hours were better than nothing. 

When I heard him close the bathroom window behind him, I said, “As long as we’re here . . . there is nothing but what’s inside these 4 walls . . . We’re not about to go on a hunt. We’re not looking for your Dad. We’re not looking for more on the yellow-eyed demon or what it meant by North Star. We’re not worrying about Sam, and we’re not feeling guilty that I’m still alive.” 

Dean came up and wrapped his arms around me to try and warm up. “You don’t feel guilty you’re still alive, do you? Because that is the last thing I want. It’s a bad way to hunt.” 

“No . . . not really. I blame myself for what happened, but I’m not sorry I’m alive. It’s because of what happened last month . . . I think the reason Jess is dead is because that demon wanted to bring out something dark in Sam, and me surviving that fire is making that happen.” 

He rested his forehead on top of my head. “We were normal until that demon killed Mom in his nursery. He was normal when he was at college until it killed Jess the same way. Maybe you’re right on it wanting something from him. Seems like it wants him to hunt, but I have no idea why . . . I just know it can’t be for anything good. Dad being in the middle of a case and dropping it the way he did . . . He knew something big was starting, and I think he knows that Sam is right at the middle of it. Why wasn’t he there at Stanford? Why isn’t he here now? And I don’t think Sam’s problem is just with you making it out of that house alive . . . well, it is, but I think part of Sam wants you dead, just so he can see me try to live without you the way he has to live without Jess, and if he can’t get that, he’s doing everything he can to keep us apart. I don’t know what that makes him, but it’s not the brother I’ve known all my life.” 

I really didn’t want to keep talking about it, because I knew it wasn’t something either of us wanted to say, but I still said, “What if he is the brother you know, but me being around –“ 

Dean gently turned me to face him and put his hands on my shoulders while he bent down to look me in the eye. “People lose people out there every second of every day, and they don’t expect anyone else to give up the people they’re with just because the person they loved is dead . . . It’s wrong if that’s what he wants bad enough to try and take you from me the way he did in St. Louis. I’m not letting him take you from me this way either . . . You wanted me to have something for me . . . what you were offering was you. That’s what I –“ 

I could’ve let him finish, but I could feel what he was feeling, so I got the point, and it really only made me want to do what I did, which was step forward and press my lips against his to let him know I wouldn’t take that from him . . . maybe to say I was sorry, because I hadn’t meant to upset him . . . and mostly I kissed him because of what I felt for him . . . on things like that, it was like my mind and my emotions spoke different languages. They knew what the other was doing, but they didn’t necessarily understand one another. I could show him though, and I did by doing whatever I could to have his back as a partner in hunting and in life or by doing this, and he got that, or at least I think he did. 

He stood up and took a step closer, so he could pull me against him before broke the kiss to say, “So no matter what happens you won’t leave . . . I need your word on it.” 

“I promise, Dean. I won’t –“

He came back to me, and things could’ve gotten really hot and heavy really fast given how long it’d been since we’d had time alone like this, but they didn’t. We mostly spent whatever time we had left kissing and touching and enjoying being with one another. Of course it led somewhere, but we had time to draw it out before it did, and he got inventive over the next couple of days, so he could try to break his record from the year before . . . It was impossible for him to even match it, because we were on our way to Iowa instead of lounging around the same place for a couple of days, but we had fun trying . . . and maybe it helped take the problems with Sam off our mind for a little while when we did.


	12. Message

“You sprayed her with the contact saline in your bag and nothing happened? Say ‘Christo.’ . . . No black eyes? . . . Then stay there. Run and get salt from her kitchen . . . Explain it when you’re done . . . Put it down in a continuous line across the bottom of the door . . . He stopped pounding on the door, because now he has to find another way in . . . Don’t stop there. Give Paige half the salt and start doing the same thing with all the windows and vents . . . I don’t know what you should tell her. Tell her he’s allergic to the iodine in the salt if it’s iodized salt. Good . . . she should call the cops, but don’t even trust them if they won’t walk across that threshold after the salt is down . . . okay, I’ll stay on the line while you do that,.” Beth paused in packing her bag to take the stuff Dean handed her and then threw it in on top of all her other stuff before she went to grab more. She was terrible at packing. She didn’t have much, but she never rolled it, so she always had stuff left over that fit in there before she unpacked. He rearranged her crap, so it’d fit, took the stuff she had in her hands and put it on top the right way, so he could zip her bag and then went back to finishing his. He’d started packing as soon as he got the gist of the call. 

“I thought she broke up with Paige,” Dean said while doing a quick sweep of the bathroom to grab any things they might’ve had in there. He’d liked Paige. She was a hell of a lot better than that dickhead, Kevin. 

Keeping the phone to her ear to listen for what was going on in the background, Beth said, “She did. It was the closest place near her new apartment that she felt like she’d be safe.” 

“I don’t see why we’re rushing off to –“ 

In pure, unadulterated annoyance, Beth quickly said, “Because I said so, Sam.” 

Dean exhaled a laugh at her tone before saying, “Cheryl knows what to look out for . . . She saw something that has her spooked, and she doesn’t scare easily.” Sam was going to be a problem. Dean could already tell. He was almost thinking about leaving him behind. He wouldn’t let Sam jeopardize anyone else . . . not Beth, not a victim on a hunt, not anyone they knew . . . nobody. 

“Okay, now you need to cake the salt lines with water, so they’re like a paste, but don’t break them. It’s just to make sure he doesn’t open a window and let the wind blow it away . . . Yeah, okay. If you’re sure she can cake it without making it into a watery mess . . . because I think you should do it. I trust you to do it the right way . . . I know she’s not an idiot. I was just saying that in case she gets nervous and adds too much water. Doing what you do means you don’t crack under pressure, and those salt lines are your only real defense. There can’t be any mistakes . . . tell her to think toothpaste kind of thickness until it dries . . . okay . . . while she does that, go to the kitchen and fill up some glasses with water. Paige was Catholic, right? Ask her if she has a set of rosary beads lying around anywhere . . . “ Beth headed out the door with her bag, but Dean figured she was going to talk Cheryl through making holy water. He had no idea how Cheryl was going to get around explaining that one to Paige if she’d already told her that whoever was trying to get into her apartment was allergic to iodized salt. 

“I can’t believe you let her tell Cheryl what we do. How long has she known?” Sam said finishing with the last of his stuff. 

“A long time . . . Beth’s Dad said if she wanted to hunt and keep friends, she had to tell them, and then tell them how to protect themselves until she could get there, because there are always going to be things that come after us. The best way to do that is through our family and friends. Dad agreed with him, but he took the ‘it’s better not to have any friends’ approach. She liked Cheryl, and she thought Cheryl could handle it . . . showed her some of the pictures from our early hunts that she took . . . ones she developed in her dark room, so Cheryl could watch her develop them and know they weren’t doctored . . . still sends her pictures she takes, but Cheryl is more of a sceptic now than she used to be. Think she’s a little the way Beth was when I met her . . . doesn’t believe in it, but wants to know more about it . . . if you get rid of anything else it could be using science, then maybe.” 

Sam was quiet for a minute, but Dean knew that wouldn’t last, and he was right. “How often do they talk?” 

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know . . . not as much as when she was in college and medical school, but she still calls a couple times a month. She tells Beth about big surgeries she’s got coming up, and Beth tells her the cases she’s worked . . . and since Beth’s Dad still lives in the same town Cheryl’s parents do, we still meet up with her for Christmas . . . sometimes if we’re near Los Angeles, we stop by her place and she shows us around.” 

They didn’t stop by the hospital anymore even though that was the easiest place to find her. It set a mood for the whole visit . . . almost like Beth helped her out on the stuff she couldn’t get in college or med school, but now Cheryl was the doctor, so she wanted to show Beth up or put Beth in her place. Beth never took it personally, or didn’t notice it, but it rubbed Dean the wrong way, so he just cut out them meeting Cheryl at the hospital, and things were fine. 

Sam grabbed his bag and said, “You know if this really is a demon, we won’t get there in time. And I’m gonna guess that it’s targeting her because she knows Beth . . . Beth should’ve taken Dad’s advice,” before he walked out the door with Dean close behind him. They’d make it in time. Beth was talking Cheryl through it. She’d learned from the mistakes she’d made with Jess, and as long as Cheryl listened, she should be okay until they got to her. 

It did make Dean wonder though. Maybe this demon was trying to draw Beth out. It hadn’t gone after the obvious choice, which was her Dad, because . . . well, if he was honest with himself, he trusted her Dad, but something told him that her Dad was somebody demons knew not to mess with, and them going after a soft target, like Cheryl, seemed to confirm that. If the demons were really trying to draw Beth out, this was the best way to do it, and if they knew that, then the demons knew too much about Beth. He was thinking demons, because he had the feeling this one worked for that yellow-eyed demon. 

4 ½ months . . . He hadn’t forgotten about the yellow-eyed demon in that time, but he’d put it on the back burner, and while they’d been hunting and looking for their Dad and trying to work through their issues with Sam, the demons were out there researching Beth, because there was something special about her. He’d witnessed it with that one on the plane . . . It’d stopped after it got through the curtain and saw her . . . was in the middle of putting it’s forearm in front of its eyes to shield them for some reason . . . made grabbing it easier. 

Whatever happened to make her that way must've happened in the last 5 or 6 years, because that was the last time they’d done an exorcism with his Dad, and that demon never acted like she blinded it . . . and apparently they couldn’t read her mind, not even that yellow-eyed demon could . . . That meant she was special, and that made her a target . . . and she’d survived one attack already. He hated to think it, but now that Sam had mentioned it, there was every chance that Cheryl was the one that was possessed and luring Beth into a trap. He knew this was Beth’s mission, but he was gonna be the first one through that door to make sure Cheryl was all Cheryl and Paige was all Paige. 

The first thing Dean did when Paige opened the door was splash her in the face with salted holy water. That was standard for demons now, because the holy water on its own hadn’t worked against the yellow-eyed demon. She passed, but he still said, “Christo,” and only after her seeing that eyes didn’t flash black or yellow, did he relax and ask where Cheryl was.

“Good to see you too, Dean. She’s in the back taking a nap. She had a rough night.” Paige stepped back and let him in before she gave him a hug and then gave Beth a hug. Paige was awesome. He didn’t know of too many people that’d help out an ex, especially when their ex was being chased down by a demon. 

Paige wouldn’t let him go pour holy water on Cheryl in her sleep, so he put a salt line down across the hall. If Cheryl couldn’t cross it after she woke up, it’d tell him what he wanted to know. “You two should’ve stayed together,” Dean said when Paige offered him a beer in the kitchen. 

“I couldn’t deal with the long hours,” Paige answered before sitting across from him at the table. 

“Some hours is better than no hours . . . could’ve made it work.” 

Paige laughed. “Says the guy that won’t let Beth go anywhere on her own.” 

Nah, they were in it together. Wasn’t one of them more than the other . . . it was 50/50. It worked. He sat back and looked at the bottle in his hand. “Beth can do whatever she wants. I’m just along for the ride.” 

Paige immediately said, “Except you never let her drive.” 

He smiled. “I do . . . just not my car.” 

Beth came into the kitchen and said, “He lets me drive her more than he wants you to think. He just doesn’t want you to get any ideas.” 

One of Paige’s eyebrows arched as she took in the sight of Cheryl behind Beth. “Thought I said to let Cheryl sleep.” 

“You told Dean not to wake her up. You didn’t say anything to me.” 

Paige smiled, and Cheryl muttered, “It’s fine. I just want to get this over with as soon as possible. Can’t afford to take anymore sick days.” 

Paige shook her head and looked at Dean. “See what I mean. Even demons couldn’t keep her away from that place.” 

Beth said she was going to check all the windows and left him there to find out what happened. Cheryl’d had to tell Paige what was going on to get the rosary beads. Turns out that it wasn’t that hard to convince an ex-Catholic that there were demons or that holy water would help keep them at bay . . . the salt was a new one for her, but she said the fact that Cheryl, the surgeon-in-training, was running around pouring salt all over her apartment convinced her that it must work, and the guy did go away after Cheryl poured salt in front of her door. 

Paige and Cheryl were just talking about how the hardest thing was figuring out how to get salt around the vents when Sam interrupted them. “So, Beth said that you knocked some salt on this Kevin guy’s hand and thought you might’ve seen his eyes flash black for a second?” 

Sam was supposed to be the one that was good at this kind of thing, and right now he was intentionally sucking at it. His tone and the disbelieving look he was giving Cheryl were all wrong. She didn’t know who he was. She hadn’t seen him in years, but Sam knew her, and he treated complete strangers better than that. Dean looked at Cheryl and said, “This is Sam, my brother.”

Cheryl did a double take of Sam and said, “You’re little brother? Wow. I never would’ve guessed he’d hit that kind of a growth spurt.” She directed her attention towards Sam with less of a peeved attitude and said, “Beth told me about your girlfriend. I’m sorry for your loss . . . and in answer to your question, yes . . . I am 100% certain that is what I saw. He wasn’t acting strange earlier in the day, and if your brother has the kind of instincts I’ve heard he does, I’m guessing the demon’s been there since at least Christmas, because Dean made it pretty clear then that he couldn’t stand him.” 

Little strange she thought the demon had been there for two months and didn’t seem more upset than that. She’d been seeing the guy for a month and a half at Christmas . . . meant she met him a month after the fire at Stanford. Maybe it’d been there all along. She should be more upset than that. 

He stopped Sam from asking any more questions, because he could just tell Sam was going to be a dick about it and told him to go sit in the other room. Waiting until Sam was out of the kitchen, Dean then asked, “Did you knock the salt shaker over on purpose? Could’ve been an accident, but you’re a doctor . . . I don’t think you make a habit of knocking things over. So, why last night if you think he’s been possessed for at least 2 months.” 

The mention of the guy being possessed for that long made her slump with a sigh before she went around to the other side of the table and pulled out the chair next to Paige, like she belonged here. He didn’t know why it bothered him they broke up. Maybe it was because he liked Paige . . . probably more than he liked Cheryl, but they were friends with Cheryl first, and after break ups, you couldn’t really be friends with the ex. 

“I think it was there all along, Dean. There were times when he’d mention something I didn’t think I’d told him, and he’d play it off, like I must’ve forgotten. I’m not an idiot, but I am busy with work, so I thought that maybe he was right. It started happening more and more, and I never used to have that problem with Paige.” Cheryl glanced at Paige to back her up, and Paige shook her head, ‘No.’ 

“Anyway . . . I finally had enough, and . . . Beth telling me what happened to Sam’s girlfriend might’ve made me think it could be something I would normally never think it was, so I wanted to test it. I kept thinking about something I knew for a fact never happened . . . something simple. ‘I worked on a boy with a cleft lip in the morning.’ I just kept thinking that over and over again and maybe some of the procedure to make it seem more authentic, and he asked me how it went when we were in the kitchen making dinner. 

I told him I didn’t think I’d told him I had that scheduled for this morning, but it went really well, and he did the same thing he always did whenever I said that. He joked about me forgetting again, and I got it . . . the joke . . . He liked having that over me . . . liked that I’d be confused . . . and it made it seem like an insidious attack that was going to get worse over time until I didn’t know which way was up and which was down. It made him seem more menacing . . . that and him being able to read my mind . . . I just wanted to be sure he was what I thought he was, so I knocked the salt over. I expected the burn from the salt, but I was not expecting the eyes.” That was a pretty ballsy test if she was there on her own with it. 

“What are you thinking?” Paige asked while she sat forward. 

Dean bit his bottom lip and said, “I think it knew what she was doing. If it was reading her mind, it had to know it was a test . . . If it knew she was testing it, it knew not to say anything about that kid with the cleft lip, but it did it anyway. I think it was waiting all this time for her to figure it out. It wanted her to know what it was. That’s why its eyes flashed black, but she shouldn’t have made it out of there alive, and she did. That tells me it was a message.” 

“What was the message?” 

Dean looked up when Beth answered, “They’re looking for me, because I got away. They want me to know that they know about Cheryl. Now they know about you. There’s sulphur outside some of the windows at the back. If you two hadn’t worked together, he would’ve come in here and killed one of you and kept one of you alive as an incentive for me to hand myself over . . . and they wanted to remind us that they could be anyone you meet, even someone we’ve met, like Kevin . . . message received,” before she huffed out a sigh. “I’m sorry. I wish you never met me . . . I’m just gonna steal whatever is left of this fifth of vodka. I’ll pay you back later after Dean fills you in on what I’m talking about, or maybe Sam should . . . I’m sure he’s just waiting for the opportunity to tell you how much I fucked you over.” 

After Beth disappeared, Paige looked at Dean. “Does she always take things this hard?” 

He wasn’t expecting that, so he breathed out a sad laugh while he ducked his head and said, “She’s usually the positive one, but it’s been a bad few months. She was there when . . . “ 

Cheryl filled in the gap for him. “Sam’s girlfriend died?” 

Dean nodded. “She put salt down like she told you to do without letting Jess know why they needed to use it . . . just –“ 

“She told her it kept out people with iodine allergies?” 

Dean smiled and shook he head at Paige. “She wasn’t expecting it. It’s just a thing we do everywhere we stay, and I was dropping her off for the weekend, so she told Jess it was a low-tech burglar alarm that would let her know if an intruder was in the house. All they had was normal table salt, so that’s what Beth used. She didn’t think there was any rush on getting heavier salt . . . On Sunday night a demon came knocking on the front door while another demon came in the back . . . lifted a window and let the wind blow the salt away. The demon that came in through the window was really powerful. Once it got in, there was no way they were getting out of there. It took an interest in Beth. It wasn’t expecting her, but something about her –“ 

Sam cut him off from the doorway. “You’re defending her . . . making it out like it wasn’t her fault that –“ 

Dean went to grab something from his bag and said, “She didn’t know it was gonna happen, Sam . . . and it’s not like there was any salt down on the windows before we got there.” Standing up, he handed Beth’s x-ray to Cheryl. He didn’t want to deal with Sam’s crap right now. He wanted them to know how serious the threat was.

“Demons can teleport if they’re powerful enough. They also have telekinesis . . . That’s what the demon was using to keep Beth in the closet when the house was burning down, and Beth and me fighting against its powers is what caused those stress fractures . . . It never wanted her to leave that house, but she did, and now it wants her . . . not sure if just wants to kill her or worse now that it’s had time to think about it . . . It’s not the demon you had with you. Yours had black eyes, and the one she met had yellow eyes. I think that yours was following orders from the demon she met. What happened that night is the reason you were pulled into this. It would’ve never known who Beth was if she hadn’t met it that night, and if I hadn’t gotten her out of there, it wouldn’t have gone looking for the people that Beth cares about to try and draw her out . . . That leaves her Dad, who can handle himself, and you, the only friend Beth has ever had that isn’t me or Sam.”

Cheryl studied the x-ray for a few minutes and then said, “What pain medication was she on? She shouldn’t take anymore than what’s been prescribed. You shouldn’t be letting her do what you do, especially with firearms, if she –“ 

Why the hell would she think Beth was addicted to pain killers? Dean cut her off by handing her the second x-ray, because he wanted to prove his second point. Things could get bad, but that didn’t mean they were bad all the time. He thought that was something they should know too . . . They may have to live their lives more like hunters now, but that didn’t mean their lives were over, especially if they had the right contacts to get them out of trouble. 

Cheryl knew straight away the x-rays were of the same person, and he watched her compare them while he said, “She never took any . . . said it didn’t hurt, and –“ 

He paused at the look Cheryl gave him. So if Beth didn’t take pain meds, Cheryl thought she was an idiot? If she did take them, Cheryl thought she was a junkie. It was stuff like this that annoyed him about Cheryl sometimes. He ignored it and sat back down. “She has a high pain tolerance. Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is that you have to be more careful now, but you know people with the right skill set to help you if you need it. The second x-ray is of Beth a month after the first one. Her Dad has built up a lot of connections since she started doing this and gave her some stuff that heals anything . . . It’s just a cream . . . smells like Christmas . . . It has Beth stumped. She has no idea what it’s made of or how it works . . . came in handy on a hunt a couple of months ago when we -” 

Sam decided he was done letting Dean talk and interrupted him again. “You know what I can’t figure out? How you can be friends with him after the way he treated you back in –“ 

Cheryl seemed to know where Sam was going with that and said, “That was a long time ago. We were both dumb kids. I wouldn’t hold something like that against him.” 

Dean knew he should probably let it go, but he was fed up with feeling like he was under constant attack. “Just back off, Sam . . . give me 10 minutes without you trying to punish me because I’m not sorry Beth made it out of that fire –“ 

“It is her fault that Jess is dead. You –“ 

“Why? Just because she was there, or is it –“ 

“Because you saved Beth . . . You didn’t even try to do the same for Jess.” That made it his fault, not Beth’s. Sam should be taking it out on him and him alone, not her. 

“Is that why you tried to kill her in St. Louis?” Sam didn’t look like that was an answer he wanted, so Dean added, “You’re wasting your time if you think I’m ever gonna say I’m sorry I went back in to get Beth. I’m not. Jess was gone the second you saw her. I had time to find Beth.” 

Sam didn’t look like he was happy with that answer either, and Dean didn’t really want to do this here now that he remembered they had an audience, so he got up, and Sam said, “What if it was the other way around . . . What would you have done if –“ 

“Didn’t happen that way.” Dean wasn’t gonna feel bad that it hadn’t either. 

Sam stopped him from leaving the room and said, “I wanna know, Dean. If it’d been the other way –“ 

Dean looked up at him and exclaimed, “If I don’t say Beth should be dead instead of Jess, it makes me a shit brother somehow, right?” 

He went to go around Sam, but Sam put his arm out against the doorframe to block him from leaving. “If it’d been Beth . . . what –“ 

Trying to diffuse the situation, Cheryl said, “It does more harm than good to think of it that way.” 

Sam, talking to Cheryl, but looking at Dean, responded, “You know what I think? I think if it’d been Beth, he would’ve found a way to get her out of there. She should be dead, but he still found a way to save her, and I think it’d be better if he hadn’t. If she was dead, you wouldn’t have to move or start testing everyone you come into contact with to know if they’re a demon . . . It was her responsibility not to pull you into this, but she was too selfish to break off all contact with you the way she should have. And Dean . . . everything he touches gets destroyed. You should stay away from him too. I would if he’d actually let –“ 

Paige put her hand on Dean’s back to let him know she was there and interrupted Sam. “Dean, why don’t you go find Beth . . . I think that’s where you were going, right?” 

Yeah, he guessed he was, but he hadn’t actually thought about it until now. He glanced at her and gave her a nod. Cheryl was behind her and said, “Bring her back in here, so I can talk to her about that stuff her Dad gave her. I want see if we can figure it out what it is.” 

Dean pulled the jar out of his pocket and handed it to her. He felt better having it close in case he ever needed to use it on Beth again. Had the feeling it’d pull through on something serious if he couldn’t get her to the hospital in time. 

Cheryl opened it and smiled. “It does smell like Christmas, not just one thing . . . the whole holiday. I might work on what those smells are first.” 

Sam still hadn’t moved yet. Dean wasn’t gonna get in a fight with him in Paige’s apartment, so he was waiting Sam out and ignoring that the dickhead was still blocking his way out of here. He really just wanted to go to Beth. He was tired of the same things coming up over and over again and some of the stuff Sam just said . . . he didn’t want to think about it yet. He could deal with it better if he was with her. “So far I’ve come up with a Christmas tree, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, and plum pie.” 

“Maybe a touch of wine . . . I’m thinking mulled wine with the spices . . . What do you think, Paige?” 

Cheryl handed the jar to Paige, and Paige said, “It’s really mild, but yeah, and he’s right about the Christmas tree and plum pie . . . Hey, now that we have him here, do you think we could finally see what kind of a cook he is. Beth was always raving about him. I wanna see what he’s got . . . maybe we can have a lasagna bake off . . . That’s Beth’s favorite, right?” 

Cheryl gave her an appreciative smile. “Yeah, that’s her favorite. We’ll go with that.” 

Dean already knew they’d felt like they had to give him back up for some reason. It’s why they were there, but if this was their way of letting Sam know they didn’t blame Beth for anything, he was all right with that, and they seemed more like a couple now . . . if the crap that was going on with him and his brother helped them out with that, at least something good came from it.

Finally getting the hint this wasn’t going to escalate, Sam moved in a huff and headed for the door. As soon as it slammed shut, Dean said, “Sorry you had to see that. It’s been a bad few months.” 

Paige started to say, “Did he really try to kill her or –“ 

Dean went to Beth’s bag by the couch and pulled out one of her digital cameras. Coming back over, he powered it up and said, “A monster took her in front of Sam. She let it happen on purpose, so she was expecting some of what happened to happen, but she thought she could trust him to at least tell me it had her . . . He didn’t. He told me she was fine and that we needed to get to his friend’s house a few miles away. Flip through . . . You can see what it did to her before I found her . . . It’ll give you a chance to see how fast that Christmas stuff works. Check the time stamps.” 

He didn’t have anything else to say, so he turned in the direction Beth had gone to see if he could find her. “She’s probably on the roof. Don’t stay up there all night getting drunk with her. I wasn’t kidding about that bake off,” Paige shouted. 

“Yeah, all right . . . Make a list of what you want. I’ll go get it when I come back down.” He wasn’t really in the mood to make anything, but if this kept them in for the night, he’d do it. He didn’t want them leaving here until he found out whether or not there were more demons in the area.

When he finally found Beth, she was sitting on the roof in a salt circle. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t that. Maybe part of him had expected her to be up here summoning the nearest demon, so she could hand herself over in exchange for making sure they left Cheryl and Paige alone. 

He sat down next to her, and she offered him the bottle. Taking a sip, he decided hold onto it a little longer. “Cheryl wants to talk to you about that healing stuff your Dad gave you.” 

Beth looked out over the neighborhood and sighed. “They don’t get it, do they?” 

Hanging his head, Dean smiled sadly and said, “You know, I think if they didn’t after I showed them your x-rays and heard me and Sam arguing about what happened to Jess . . . they might after I handed over your camera, so they could see what that shifter did to you, but I don’t think they’re gonna change anything. I think we’re gonna have to stay for a few days and make sure their apartments are secure. See if we can research some new things they can use for protection and give them some exorcisms. Think I’ll call Pastor Jim . . . maybe Bobby if his number hasn’t changed . . . not sure if he’ll want to hear from me, but he knows more than just about anyone else I know . . . maybe even more than Dad on some things.” 

Dean had another drink before passing the bottle back, and taking it, Beth’s eyes flittered towards him, before she looked down and said, “I’m sorry, Dean . . . for leaving you to deal with it in there on your own. I shouldn’t have done that.” 

He didn’t really want to talk about it anymore. “So, I guess me and Paige are gonna be competing on some lasagna making thing tonight.” 

Beth looked at him to see if he’d really just said that before she smiled. “She has no idea what she’s up against.” 

Focusing his attention on the salt ring around them, he shook his head. “You know she’s a chef, right?” 

“And? I’ve had a lot of lasagna over the years, and yours destroys every other one I’ve ever had . . . but then if we’re all judges . . . Sam probably won’t vote, which means it’ll come out a tie, because Cheryl will probably say Paige’s is the best, but I’ll know, and they’ll know that’s just politics, so –“ 

Dean caught her off guard by kissing her mid-sentence. She still made him feel wanted as person after all these years. It was half a thank you for that and half a way of letting her know how he felt about her in case she needed something to make her feel better the way he did. Pulling back a minute later to rest his forehead against hers, he said, “I need you to promise me that you won’t hand yourself over to –“ 

“I already promised that I won’t leave you no matter what happens. I think intentionally getting a demon taxi driver to take me to the yellow-eyed demon is covered under that . . . If you want more assurance than that . . . I won’t make a dangerous decisions without letting you know ahead of time, so you can try and talk me out of it, or I guess make sure you have a way to follow me or be there with me if that’s what you want . . . kind of covers everything, not just demons. How’s that?” 

“I don’t want that . . . I don’t want you to have to run everything by me before you do it. There are times when you can’t. It’s my job to keep up with you, the same way it’s your job to keep up with me.” 

She brought her hand up to the side of his face and said, “What do you want, Dean?” For her not to die or be vivisected by demons to see what makes her tick . . . or possessed . . . something like that would ruin her . . . not to him. It wouldn’t change the way he saw her once he got her back, but if she couldn’t think for herself or do what she wanted . . . he didn’t think she’d get over being forced to do things, like torture and kill people, any people, but especially people that were their friends. 

“I can’t promise you I won’t die . . . and I’m not quite sure what else you were thinking about just now, but I’m going to guess it has to do with things that are worse than death . . . I can’t promise you those won’t happen either. I can promise that I’ll get better . . . I’ll take it up to another level . . . I can do that.” 

_She’s already good._

“I can do better. I’ll start training every day between hunts again . . . and I’ll pick up a new language. Maybe there’s more on demon lore in other languages.” 

She already had Spanish down. It’d helped out a lot over the years. “I’ll train with you, but . . . running and the language thing you can do on your own.” He liked negotiating with her. 

“Okay, then I want you to make one dinner a week . . . starting tonight, so you can knock Paige’s street cred down a peg or two.” 

He grinned. “Street cred?” 

“Yeah . . . these cook offs are a big deal.” 

It’s not like they were gonna have the Food Network air some big show down or something. “I think you’re just hungry.” 

He heard her think, _‘Yeah, I’m starving,’_ and sat back to look at her.

“All right. I’ll do it for you, but I’m not gonna do it to win some stupid –“ 

“Good. You need to do it the way you always do it. Don’t change that . . . the best strategy is –“ 

He laughed before getting to his feet, so he could help her up. “Strategy? You really want me to win this thing? Because it’s not gonna happen.” 

“It’s not about winning. I just want you to do your best, so they can see how good you are . . . not just good . . . amazing.” 

Dean paused. “How much is the bet?” 

Beth smiled and turned the other way. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Dean snorted. “I’m guessing you and Cheryl have one going . . . just never thought you’d get to collect, because they broke up . . . does Paige know?” 

Beth kept walking. “She told her to double down on it, so they could split it.” 

He had the feeling Cheryl forgot about it, and Beth was on her way to remind her. “How much was it?” he asked following her. 

“Sam’s not allowed to vote. He wasn’t around when we made the bet, and I’ll be down 500 if you lose, but I’m not out anything if it’s a draw . . . We’ll be up 500 if we can get Cheryl to vote for you, but then she’s the one putting up the cash, so I’m gonna say that you and Paige are going to be the deciding votes . . . seems fair if you’re the ones cooking.” 

“Where the hell did you get a spare 500 dollars?” 

“I don’t place bets unless they’re a sure thing, and I know you won’t lose . . . unless you vote for Paige.” 

So, it was really just kind of for fun. They wouldn’t really be out anything unless he didn’t try and Beth decided to throw her vote to Paige, which is something she might do or at least threaten to do to make him up his game, and if she talked up about how good he was to them . . . he didn’t really want to make her look bad. 

There was a part of him that wanted to see if he could beat Paige . . . maybe find out if he had what it took to do something like what she did. She was a personal chef. In another life maybe he could’ve been one or a mechanic or in a band . . . He wouldn’t change what he did, because he liked liked saving people, but if there was no such thing as monsters or demons maybe that’s something he could’ve done. He’d give it a try and see how it went.


	13. The Game Is On

We didn’t really know what we were dealing with in Lawrence. We came here because apparently Sam had psychic dreams. Who knew? Well, I guess he did. I wanted to talk to him about it . . . what he dreamt about . . . If he knew Jess was going to die on the ceiling, did that mean he saw Dean fighting with him and then dragging him away too? Is that why he seemed hostile when Dean and I showed up? Is that why he said I should be dead? Did he see me up there next to Jess in his visions? Did something happen that wasn’t supposed to happen for me to get out of there? Is this why he seemed so angry that I survived . . . Is he really angry with himself and just taking it out on us? Is this the dark thing the demon was trying to trigger in him by killing Jess? 

It was pretty obvious he wasn’t making it up, because we met the woman living in their old house. He said she was the same woman from his dream, and maybe he could’ve just made that up after he saw her, but based on problems she said she was having with the house, something was definitely going on there. It seemed like it was either a spirit or poltergeist, but that thing in the kid’s closet . . . the one on fire . . . it could be a spirit, but it could’ve been a demon without a body. Who knew what the hell it was? It’s not like I could ask the kid anything about it in front of her Mom. It felt like things were revving up. What happened to Cheryl only happened a few weeks ago, and here we were possibly dealing with another demon again. 

We were on our way to meet a psychic in town that John visited after Mary died. I guess she was the one who filled him in on the things that go bump in the night, and that’s what sent him on the path to being a hunter. We’d found out about her from his old boss. It’d been strange hearing someone who used to know John talk about the way he used to be, because you could hear there were two pretty strong sides to him. One was the devoted father and husband and the other was a stubborn ex-marine. After Mary died, John went with being the latter . . . probably to survive. I couldn’t imagine losing Dean and having two kids to raise on my own, especially if the thing that killed him was still out there. 

It was weighing him down being back in Lawrence. I know what happened to his Mom was a defining moment in his life, one he thought he was going to see play out again in front of him with me 5 months ago. It’s probably why he kept me in his line of sight or found a way to be by my side the whole time we’d been in town. 

When we got to Missouri’s door, she was showing some cuckold out. Apparently, she didn’t want to tell him the truth. I wondered how much of the truth she was going to tell us. I found her intriguing. She could obviously read minds. She knew Jess was dead and that John was missing, because she knew what Sam was thinking, but then she got snarky and told Dean she didn’t know where John was or if he was okay. If reading minds is all she could do, then how’d she know that man’s wife was stepping out on him? If she knew that, she had to know where John was. She just didn’t want to tell us. 

She looked from Dean to me and back to Dean and whatever she was going to say, she opted not to say it. Was she was holding back on it, like she had with that man that left because we wouldn’t want to hear the truth, or was she holding back in front of Sam? There was only one thing about Dean and I that she might hold out on in front of Sam and that was Dean and I being soul mates. 

She decided to give me a hug, which surprised me, because we were past the acceptable time for that kind of greeting, but then she whispered, “Honey, you may be able to block me, but you’re letting him know all your thoughts, so I can pick them up just fine. Keep that in mind for some of the things you hunt.” 

_Oh. I can’t control that._

Her hug lasted a little too long, so she could add, “You do control it. You just don’t trust me yet, and I’m sorry for what happened to you too. Must’ve been awful . . . for both of you . . . and John was right . . . don’t you go tellin’ nobody about what you and Dean can do. Do you understand me?” She let me go and gave me a look to make sure I understood she meant Sam, so I gave her a slight nod before she offered us a seat, and we told her why we were there.

Later, we went back to their old house with Missouri, so she could have a look at the place. I knew they’d had to rebuild at least part of it, because the fire destroyed a lot, but I wondered how much of it was like the original house. While Dean, Sam, and Missouri were doing their investigation, I separated and went my own way. 

I didn’t want Dean to hear me wondering if this is what the kitchen looked like when he was growing up. If the nursery was where the fire started upstairs, the kitchen was maybe the furthest away, and maybe they managed to save it. I knew the basement hadn’t been touched. It couldn’t have been if Jenny found their old photos down there before we got here. That was another strange thing. How did those survive without getting thrown away by all the people that had to have lived here over the years, and what were the odds she’d find them a couple of nights before we showed up when the only reason we showed up was because of a nightmare Sam had about this place. 

I heard scratching in the basement when I was on my way out of the kitchen. Sure spirit activity could happen during the day, but not often. Poltergeist activity during the day definitely happened. They were on their way down the stairs, so I told them what I thought. “I think it’s a poltergeist.” 

Dean gave me a slight smile. “What makes you think it’s a poltergeist?” 

He already knew. Missouri must’ve told him what it really was. “I heard it scratching in the basement, and Jenny wouldn’t have looked so spooked when we got here if it wasn’t getting more brazen in it’s daytime activity . . . that tells me poltergeist. Why? What it is it?” 

Missouri walked past and said, “Thought you were supposed to be training your mind as much as your body. You can do better than that.” 

“Okay . . . Uh, I think the demon showing up again has jarred something loose in this house, because there hasn’t been any poltergeist activity here in all this time. I think it started when it did is either because the demon stopped by here, or because the poltergeist found a way to latch onto the entity in the closet, and I think that –“ 

Missouri stopped me and told them to go to the kitchen while she pulled me aside. “Go on . . . they don’t to hear that yet, but I get the feeling you just have to get it out now that you’ve thought about it.” 

“If you know, doesn’t that mean that he knows what I was going to say?” 

She shook her head. “He was listening to the words, not the thoughts.” 

Cocking my head to the side, I observed her for a couple of seconds. “Poltergeists don’t manifest the way the one in the closet does. It could be a disembodied demon, but Jenny and her kids would’ve known to run out the door the second they felt it’s presence if it were, and it hasn’t taken one of them for a meat suit. It’s a spirit. The only one that died here of a fire that I know of is Mary Winchester. The demon being around her boys again could’ve woken her up after all this time. The bad energy surrounding her death would’ve been enough to attract the poltergeist after that . . . Or the demon stopped by here recently, and that’s why their Mom woke up and the poltergeist was drawn here by the presence of the demon. If the demon did stop by here recently . . . we should be careful when we leave town. Maybe it came here specifically for the purpose of bringing us here, so it could find us again . . . Why’d you tell me to work it out if you didn’t want me to say that their Mom is the one in the closet?” 

She smiled and said, “They’re not ready to hear it yet. They need to come to it on their own . . . And he likes the way you keep him guessing on hunts, but he trusts you to be up to the task, and your greatest weapon is your mind, so you need to practice using it more. His life depends on it as much as yours does. That’s why I told you to work through it.” 

“So, we’re purifying the whole house?” I asked an hour later. 

Missouri gave me a knowing look and said, “Mm hmm.” 

_But she knows their Mom is here, and she said they need to figure that out on their own. How were they supposed to do that if Mary is taken out along with the poltergeist?_

Missouri gave me a look just before Dean took me out of the room and said, “What was that?” 

_What was what?_

“What you were thinking in there?” 

_Oh. Damn._ “Come on, Dean . . . that little girl said the thing in her closet was on fire. Poltergeists don’t look like that. Spirits manifest a lot of the time the way they -“

“Died? You think the one up the nursery is our Mom?” Well, I hadn’t known the little girl’s room is what used to be the nursery, but now I definitely thought the spirit was his Mom, since that’s where she died. “You think she’s gone vengeful yet? Because I don’t think I can . . . “   
I didn’t know. “The poltergeist is the main threat. I’m not really sure how a poltergeist-spirit combo haunting works, but I would imagine the same kind of energy is needed to power both, and the poltergeist is powerful. Maybe it’s not leaving her with enough energy to do much, but what she has, she’s using to protect the little girl in some way?” 

He didn’t do what I expected, which was either walk out of the house or start pacing. Instead he leaned closer and whispered, “So, if we cleanse the house, it’s the best thing for her, right? I mean, I don’t want her stuck in this house, and I don’t want her to go vengeful if she’s not already.” I realized Sam had come to see what was going on, and that’s why Dean said it that way. He could’ve taken me outside to say it, but maybe his feet wouldn’t move, because he seemed planted to the spot. 

“Yeah, okay . . . but you should tell, Sam. I don’t think he should find out she’s here after the fact any more than you should have . . . not sure how you’re going to explain needing to talk to me after me thinking what I did though.” 

Dean took a deep breath and answered, “Wouldn’t have needed to be your soul mate to pick up that you didn’t want to do the cleansing. I’ll just tell him I wanted to find out why. Go help Missouri, and I’ll talk to him.” Yeah, I could do that.

I went back to the table, and Missouri shook her head. “Just couldn’t leave it alone, could you?” 

Following her lead on how to put the cleansing parcels together, I said, “It wasn’t intentional.” 

“You still would’ve found a way to do it before we had a chance to use these.” 

I shrugged and grabbed some crossroads dirt. “I don’t think informed consent is a bad thing. It might make things harder initially, but people are more resilient than we give them credit for being, and now Dean and Sam are looking at it like they’re getting their Mom out of this house. They can feel like they’re doing something to help her.” 

Missouri’s eyebrows rose, while she grabbed some angelica root. “What if she goes nowhere for eternity?” 

“We never know where the spirits we salt and burn go, but Sam and Dean know that’s a distinct possibility. It’s why they should be informed. I think you know something, and you’re trying to see if I’ve worked it out yet . . . Did I just put them at odds even more than they already are?” 

She relaxed and shook her head while she finished wrapping up her parcel. “No, and I didn’t even think until now that you might think you had . . . Were you trying to set things right?” 

“Not until I saw Sam standing there. I may have thought it’d be a good way for them to reconnect, but now I’m not sure if it’ll make them fight more.” 

Missouri watched me tie my little bag up and said, “The three of you do need to find a way to harmonize. Something like this might help, but I wouldn’t expect it to last before there’s more discord. It’ll take time, and try not to take everything that’s said to heart.” 

“How about actions? What if someone –“ 

“I think we should finish this sooner rather than later. Jenny will be back before we know it.” A few seconds later, Dean and Sam were back. Maybe having a psychic around was a good way to keep you from putting your foot in your mouth. 

We did the cleansing after that. There were some minor complications, because poltergeists could be bastards, but we finished it without anyone being killed or getting any serious injuries. After everything was done, Sam wanted to stick around to make sure the family was okay, so we did, and it was a good thing we did, because the house wasn’t fully cleansed. In fact, I’m not entirely sure that what we did had much of an impact at all, because not only did the poltergeist stick around, but so did Mary. 

She wasn’t vengeful. She helped out, and her sons got to see her one more time. Maybe it gave them closure. Better closure than they would’ve gotten by doing the cleansing, because they got to see her, but she still ended up wiping herself out to get rid of the poltergeist. I didn’t even know something like that was possible . . . She the weaker entity of the two, and how did she know how to do something like that? Maybe it was a mind over matter kind of situation, and she was able to do it because of how much she loved Sam?

When we were leaving the next day, Missouri gave me a hug and said, “Be careful. We all come to a crossroads in our life. You came to yours when you chose to do this job. Others come to theirs later in life. Things could go either way, but you’re right to think that those that don’t want our trust are not the ones we should be giving our trust to until they want to earn it, and it’s difficult to know when someone is being genuine in those attempts. Keep doing your brain training, and you’ll know the when the time is right . . . if it’s going to be.” 

I had an idea of what she meant. I’d think about it for a while, which is what I think she wanted me to do. When I pulled back, I handed her a slip of paper and said, “Give this to John when you see him.” 

That man did love a game. He even loved games when Mary was still alive, because the guy he used to work with at the garage said he did. It was part of who John was, the same way it was a part of who I was. Missouri looked confused and said, “What makes you think –“ 

“I know John Winchester, and I know that Dean called him at the start of this case. There is no way that man wouldn’t come to keep an eye on things if Dean told him there was something in their old house. I don’t know if he’s contacted you yet, but he will if he knows we’ve been talking to you. Tell him that since he’s gone rogue on this hunt . . . I’m switching it around and giving him my predictions for what I’ll do. There might be predictions in there for what I think he’ll do too . . . tell him not to open that until the hunt for the demon is finished, or I’ll know he cheated and all bets are off on the rules . . . and tell him I’ll race him to the finish line, because I’m already over half-way there.” Let’s see what he did with that.


	14. End of Life Options

Figures it’d take him dying for Sam to finally come around. Dean wished his brother would stop giving him that look. Being on the receiving end of it was worse than dying. It was one final failure . . . another way to let his brother down. He knew Sam expected him to figure a way out of it the way he usually did, but he couldn’t this time. 

That non-refillable jar of stuff Beth’s Dad gave them hadn been in his pocket and got toasted right along with his heart, and Beth confirmed what the doctor said when she looked at his charts. Well, she didn’t actually say anything, but her reaction told Dean everything he needed to know. She’d just turned around and walked out to go find a way to fix it. 

About the only thing Dean could do for Sam was help Sam come to terms with it. He didn’t have time to help himself do that, but he had time help Sam. First and foremost, he had to fake like it didn’t bother him that his time was up. If Sam thought that he’d accepted it, maybe Sam would be able to think, ‘At least Dean hadn’t been scared,’ or some crap like that after he was gone.

The truth was an entirely different thing altogether. He’d made a stupid mistake, and now he was done . . . and he couldn’t accept it. He wasn’t ready to give it all up. He had things he wanted to do that he’d never be able to do now. Knowing he was going to die . . . It made him feel like he was being swallowed up by a heavier case of depression than he’d ever felt before now. 

Things like that happened from time to time, because their lives sucked, but he’d had time to pull out of those tailspins. He didn’t have time to do that now. He was going to feel like this until he died. If Sam didn’t leave soon, Dean wasn’t sure he could keep from cracking and letting Sam see how low he felt. Sam had to go. Dean didn’t want to fail in this final job he’d given himself to do.

Despite not wanting to fail, it looked like he was anyway, because Sam didn’t buy it. After Sam left, Dean ignored the doctors and nurses that came into his room. He didn’t want to see them. Didn’t want to hear what they had to say. He looked out the window when they were there, because that was the only way he could get away from the reality of the situation when every 5 minutes it felt like there was someone there doing something to make sure he knew he was dying. 

He didn’t even think Beth would be able to help him out of this black hole he was in, and she was the one that usually helped pull him out. In fact, he thought if he saw her that would be it. He’d be done. He couldn’t keep up the act around her. One, she’d know how he felt, and two he’d let her down. 

He finally got what she meant those times she’d said she knew she had to be around to keep their 50/50 agreement. He couldn’t do that now. Who was going to look out for her? Nobody . . . nobody was going to have her back. She’d keep hunting, but she’d be a lone hunter . . . one of the ones that never had back up and usually died alone without anyone else being there because they slipped up on a hunt, or that demon was going to find her . . . she wouldn’t have anyone to stop that from happening or get her back if she was possessed. 

Dean needed to get out of here. He wasn’t going to stay in a place like this waiting to die. That was almost as bad as knowing he was going to die. He wanted to be with Sam and Beth. He was just unhooking the wires attached to him when Beth came back and caught him. When he saw her, he didn’t do what he wanted to do. He did the same thing he’d done with the doctors and nurses and looked out the window to ignore her. 

He may have wanted to see her again, but now that she was here, he couldn’t, and he hated himself for not being able to just look at her . . . to face up to the fact that he’d let her down and try to get over it, so he could spend whatever time he had left with her. A lot of the things he’d wanted to do involved her. There were things he never even thought he wanted to do with her until he knew he couldn’t. 

He’d really fucked this up, and he was fucking it up now. All he wanted was to look at her and touch her . . . hear her voice, but he couldn’t make himself do it . . . and then he felt her hand. He knew what she wanted, but that’d make things worse. Didn’t seem to matter, because his body did what it wanted and made room for her to climb in next to him, and then his eyes did whatever the hell they wanted and lost the tears a couple of the tears he’d been trying to fight back when he felt her head on his shoulder. “I have something I want to try.” 

Dean lifted his hand to his face to wipe it off and cleared his throat. “There’s no point. I don’t –“ 

“Couldn’t hurt to try. I found some of that cream that didn’t get incinerated in the very middle of the jar. I watered it down a little and might’ve mixed it with some of the burnt stuff to make it go a little farther. I want to try it.” 

She was desperate if she thought that’d work. It also meant she hadn’t come up with anything better than that, and this really was it. “Why? You gonna buy me another week or two?” 

It made him hate himself more, because that’s not what he’d wanted to say. He didn’t want to take it out on her or get mad at her. He didn’t want to ruin any hope she had left. He was angry with himself and the situation, and it was coming out like he was pissed at her. “Us . . . I wanna buy us more time . . . and you haven’t let me down.” 

When the hell did she start blocking him from being able to know what she was thinking? He hadn’t noticed it until she let him know she knew how he felt. “It’s not 50/50 right now. You know how I feel, and I have no idea what you’re thinking.” It came out in a voice that wasn’t his. Sounded like he’d swallowed a bucket full of glass. 

He finally looked at her when she didn’t say anything. She looked awful . . . well, to him she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, but she looked the way he felt. She shouldn’t look that way . . . shouldn’t look pale or have bags under her eyes. He hadn’t noticed it when she was here before but now that he thought about it, she’d started to look that way then. She wasn’t taking care of herself already, and he wasn’t even gone yet. 

He was still here, and as long as he was, he was gonna do his job and take care of her. “You eat or sleep?” She shook her head. “The only way I’ll let you try it is if you do your experiment and get some sleep, and then when you wake up, I wanna know what you’re thinking. I need to know.” 

She glanced at him and gave him a nod before she grabbed a little mini-jar out of her pocket, untied his hospital gown, and spread that stuff over his heart . . . didn’t smell the same . . . smelled like a burnt Christmas. Pulling his gown back up, she tied it for him before putting her head back on his shoulder, stuffing the jar back in her pocket, and wrapping her arm around his waist. 

He knew when she was asleep because of the change in her breathing. It didn’t take long, and as soon as she was out, he readjusted things, so he could cover her with his blanket. The first nurse that came in after that wanted to kick her out, and he wouldn’t let her . . . The doctor the nurse sent in after that was even more of a pain in the ass, so Dean told him if they wanted to make him croak to keep it up, and Beth would taken care of for the rest of her life, because her Dad was a lawyer. Yeah, that’s what he thought. They didn’t want a lawsuit on their hands if he died because they took her away from him and made him mad or pretty much made him feel any strong emotion when they knew he had a bad heart. 

After the doctor left, Dean pulled her a little closer, and tried to memorize everything about her from the way her hair felt to the way her breath felt on his neck and the warmth from her body where it was pressed into his. He chanced a look at her face, so he could memorize that too. It felt important, like he needed to remember everything about her if he was dying first, so if he went somewhere after this, he’d have something to hold onto until she joined him if she was going to and if she wasn’t . . . if there was nothing after this, he wanted to hold onto every last detail about her for as long as he could.

It made him relax. Maybe if he stayed relaxed, he’d be able to stick around a little longer. A week or two was what they’d given him tops, but maybe he could beat the odds and make it a month . . . not here. He was getting out of this hospital as soon as she woke up. He wondered if he could last longer than that if he found a way to relax all the time . . . He couldn’t hunt anymore. Maybe she wouldn’t either. 

He didn’t want her to do it without him. Maybe he could use the same thing he did with the doctor to keep her from doing it. He’d just tell her that his heart couldn’t handle it if she kept being a hunter. Maybe he could get her to go to college. She’d finish it in no time . . . get a job somewhere. He could make her dinner every night. Maybe he could get a job to have something to do while she was at work during the day . . . nothing too stressful. Something he was good at . . . mechanic. He’d always wanted to do that and fixing cars was something that relaxed him. His heart would heal some in that amount of time. He wasn’t dead yet, and as long as his heart was still ticking, he wouldn’t be. Just needed to focus on making that next heartbeat happen. That was his new job.

Dean fell asleep and didn’t know where he was or what was going on however long it was later until he saw Beth. She was out of the bed and arguing with the doctor at the foot of his bed. _Did those dicks wake her up after I fell asleep? No . . . she wants the doctor to run the tests again._

The doctor was acting like she was a child that didn’t know any better and kept saying it wouldn’t change anything. That’s why she was pissed off. She didn’t like being talked down to like that. “Give her what she wants. If it makes her happy, I don’t care what it costs. She likes running experiments . . . probably wants to see if her being here made much of a difference.” 

The doctor shook his head. “It is a –“ 

Beth pointed at the doctor and said, “If you say that it’s a waste of resources one more time, I will –“ 

Dean exhaled a laugh and said, “Beth . . . probably shouldn’t finish that.” 

_”Yeah, all right . . . I won’t destroy everything in their lab. They need it for other people, but I am going to run those tests myself and see how he likes that. Don’t go anywhere. I left that jar by your bed. Put more on. I’ll be back after he’s gone. I need to grab some things. Guess I finally . . .”_ He couldn’t tell what else she was thinking, because she was out the door and down the hall after that. He was looking forward to seeing what she did. Even now she found a way to keep him guessing, and he loved that. 

The doctor stayed and talked with him some more, and that sucked. Apparently, they were going to send a death shrink in later. Dean was gonna make sure he was gone by then. The last thing he wanted was to talk to someone like that who wanted him to buy into this whole dying thing. He already had a plan. He was sticking with that one heartbeat at a time thing. 

As soon as the doctor left, Dean grabbed that jar again. It probably wasn’t doing anything, but he felt like doing what Beth said when the people who worked here were being dicks and not listening to her. Or maybe they were. A nurse came in a little while later to take him somewhere else, or he guessed that’s what she was doing. He’d turned away from her as soon as he saw her walk in the room, because he planned on ignoring everyone else that wasn’t Beth or Sam. He didn’t want anyone else to try and talk him into dying or make him feel like he was dying with their sympathetic looks . . . and then he heard what the nurse was thinking. 

“Where are you taking me?” 

Beth focused on unhooking him from the wires. “We’re going to the basement, so I can put you through some machines . . . It’s faster than drawing blood to look for what I want. I just want to see if it’s working, and then we’re getting out of here. I’ll take care of you somewhere else once I know that it is.” 

Watching her, he asked, “What if it’s not?” 

She helped him sit up and get in the wheel chair, grabbed his stuff, and put it in his lap before answering. “Then I’ll just take care of you somewhere else . . . I’ll need you to help me take care of you though . . . just like you needed my help to get me out of that fire.” 

He looked up at her, while she checked that the coast was clear out in the hall. “I was already thinking that maybe if I stay relaxed . . . I could stick around a little longer . . . You’d have to get out of the life. Couldn’t do it if you were still hunting.” 

Wheeling him out of the room and down the hall towards some elevators, she said, “Okay . . . No more hunting. What’d you have in mind?” 

That was easier than he thought it’d be. They hadn’t really talked about anything like this until now. “Well, I was thinking maybe you could go to college . . . finish fast and get a job . . . maybe by then I could be a mechanic and do that during the day while you’re at work. What would you do if you weren’t hunting?” 

“I’m not sure . . . something in a lab, so I could answer questions to the unknown? If I won a Nobel Peace Prize . . . I’d split it with you 50/50 . . . that’s 500 grand each.” 

Wasn’t all that exciting. “You wouldn’t get bored?” 

She smiled. “Getting answers to questions is exciting.” 

Yeah, but he’d kinda thought . . . “What about saving people. You could do something like be a doctor or nurse . . . one of us should still be doing it if both of us can’t.” 

As the elevator doors opened, she pushed him inside and waited for the doors to close before saying, “Where do you think the things that are learned in a lab are used? Places like this. I guess I could always sell my soul to a pharmaceutical company and get paid big money to have a job you can see the results of with medications that can help a lot more people than a single doctor can.” 

Maybe. Still didn’t seem like her, and she obviously didn’t want to do that if she said doing that would be like selling her soul. “What about an EMT? You’d have to think fast on your feet for that job, and you could handle all the blood . . . save people that way.” 

She pushed him out the doors and took a left down the hall. “Maybe . . . I don’t need to go to college for that. I could take some classes and be one in no time. Doesn’t pay –“ 

“I don’t care about the money. If you’re giving up hunting for me, I want you to be happy . . . You don’t care about money either.” 

Taking him into a room at the end of the hall, she quickly turned to lock the door behind them and then started rushing around turning machines on. “How are you going stay relaxed if you have to worry about money?” 

That’s why she wanted the boring job? She was really taking this seriously if she was accounting for variables, like that, and it made him feel better . . . It meant he could take it seriously too. Just thinking it was a possibility made him feel a little more relaxed. “Could top up our money the way we always do . . . find poker games and hustle.” 

“Yeah, all right. We could do that. I’m guessing that if hunting is out that detective or fire woman is out too?” 

He knew she’d want to do something more dangerous and hands on . . . something hunter adjacent. Detective wasn’t that much different than what they did, and he didn’t think it was as dangerous as a beat cop. “No to the fire woman . . . maybe to the detective. You could bring your cases home with you, and we could go over them together . . . I’ll only go for it if you are the fastest person to rise through the ranks wherever we end up, so you’re not in uniform for very long.” 

Helping him move where she wanted him, Beth smiled and said, “I wouldn’t worry about that . . . I could handle –“ 

Dean shook his head to disagree with her, because people could be a hell of a lot worse than monsters. They were unpredictable. She didn’t want to upset him, so she backed off on it and said, “I don’t know. I think you’d like me wearing the uniform. I have the feeling we –“

“Are you trying to kill me now? Bad enough that you’re dressed like a nurse even if they are scrubs . . . they’re kinda hot, and I keep thinking you should get one of those sexy nurse outfits.” 

She laughed, and it made him feel 10x better. “Could just go for the real FBI. We pretend like we’re agents enough that I think I’d get the hang of it pretty quick. I wouldn’t have to deal with criminals in person every day like I would if I was a cop. I’d still have to solve puzzles, and you could still help with that . . . I’d have to leave for training for a while, and I have no idea how I’d pass their background checks.” 

“You’re Dad can figure out a way to fix that . . . I’m okay with that.” 

Beth paused and asked, “What about the hours?” 

They could work around that. “We’ll find a way to make it work.”

After she ran her tests, she got him out of there. There was some improvement . . . not a lot, but some. That was better than nothing, and a month or two was better than a week or two. If they used what was left of that stuff her Dad said couldn’t be replaced, maybe he’d be able to heal enough on his own that they could live the life they were talking about. 

While she broke into a car for them to steal, she told him to pick a place to live. She’d make sure she was a field agent out of whatever city he wanted. She liked the snow, so maybe somewhere up North. Chicago. It had to be Chicago. She loved that city . . . loved the Bears, loved the Cubs, and every time they were there . . . he didn’t think anywhere else they went made her light up like she did in Chicago. Sam liked that city too, so maybe he’d come visit more often. 

Sam gave her a look when he opened the door at the motel, and Dean quickly said, “Would’ve come on my own . . . don’t blame her . . . probably kill me if you do,” to stop Sam from giving her a hard time. Might as well use his bad heart for something good. 

Helping Dean to the bed, she told Sam what was going on, and then she sat cross-legged at the head of the bed, and put a pillow in her lap, so Dean could rest his head on it, while she rubbed more of that Christmas stuff on his chest. It made him feel more relaxed, especially when she started running her hand through his hair, while Sam told her what he’d come up with so far. He was just gonna take a nap and let them talk it over. He was already good with his plans. 

He was going to convert the room above the garage in his and Beth’s place into an apartment, so Sam could live there. He and Sam could build it together. Sam could live there for free while he went to law school in Chicago instead of California, but even if Sam wanted to go back to Stanford, he could move to Illinois when he was done and practice law there until he made enough money to move down the road from them. Maybe Sam and Beth would even work alongside one another. 

Sam might defend the people Beth arrested, and he’d probably be a dick to her in court, but she was up for it, and they’d know it was all part of the job, so when the case was done, there wouldn’t be any hard feelings, or maybe Sam would be a federal prosecutor and work with Beth on the people she arrested. Dean would fix cars during the day and help her solve her cases at night. He just had to make sure his heart kept working the way it should. It was the only thing that would make any of that happen. It was the only way to keep Sam from going further down this dark psychic path he was on and Beth from getting killed alone on a hunt.

He woke up to Sam and Beth arguing a little while later. “Why is it every time I fall asleep, I wake up to you arguing with someone?” he asked while he looked up at her. 

“Not arguing . . . friendly discussion.” 

Sam automatically said, “I’m his brother. In a court of law, since my Dad can’t be reached, I’m the one that gets to make that call, not you . . . you have no claim.” 

That was bullshit. Dean didn’t like Sam saying that to her, but before he had a chance to respond, Beth said, “This isn’t a court of law, and your plan is absolute nonsense. You’re going to drag him across the country on a fool’s errand, and he needs rest.” 

“How can you say that? Look at what you’re doing? You keep putting that gel on him. If that stuff works, why can’t this?” 

Beth took a deep breath, so she could stay calm and answered, “Faith healers are con artists. They scam people, either to bring them to some religious ideology or to get money or both. I know this stuff works, and it is working. It’s just going to take time.” 

Sam pointed at Dean and made no attempt to calm down. “Look at him. He doesn’t look any better than he did when I left the hospital. It might be working, but it’s taking too long. He’s not ever going to be the way he was if we just go with what you’re doing. There isn’t an endless supply of that stuff. We have to try everything we can to –“ 

“He’s getting better, Sam. You just have to be patient and stop upsetting him.” 

“Stop upsetting him? You mean just agree with you! I want what’s best for him, and this is it.” 

Dean looked from Sam to Beth and asked, “Is that stuff really working?” 

She nodded, so he looked at Sam. “It’s only been a few hours. Give it 24 starting now . . . if you don’t think I’m any better, we’ll check out your thing.” Sam was hopeful about something. Dean didn’t want to destroy that any more than he’d wanted to destroy Beth’s hope before she started putting burnt Christmas stuff on him, so if it made his brother happy, they’d check it out even if he didn’t want to go to a damn faith healer.

24 hours came and went, and Dean felt an improvement. Looking in the bathroom mirror, he saw the improvement. He felt a lot better even if he still wasn’t at 100 percent. It might take a couple more days, but Beth was being pretty sparing on the amounts she was putting on him, and it wasn’t going anywhere that wasn’t over his hear, so maybe they had enough to get him back to mostly being normal. 

There was a part of him that was disappointed with that for two reasons. One, Sam tried really hard to pull through, and after the last 7 or 8 months, it’d been good to see Sam like that. Two, it meant all the plans Dean’d had would be gone and hunting would go back to being front and center. He wished he’d never had those plans, because it was hard to let them go now. 

When he came out of the bathroom after his shower, Sam and Beth were bickering about something again. It should bother him, but he thought it was the best their interactions had been since Jess died. As soon as he figured out what they were arguing about, he laughed. It looked like Beth had done some digging on her own into this faith healer Sam wanted to use . . . probably to prove Sam wrong. She didn’t like some of the things she found, and now she thought it was a hunt. 

Sam thought it was just her trying to rub it in that he’d been wrong, but there was a part of Sam that wanted to go check it out, because he kept taking all of the research she found and giving half-hearted explanations for why other people in the town were dropping dead of the same things that the people the guy healed were. It was a puzzle his brother wanted to figure out . . . maybe to prove Beth wrong, but mostly it was something Sam wanted to know now that it’d been brought to his attention. If anything good came out of this, maybe the turnaround in Sam was it. Dean would put his dreams off indefinitely if it meant he could really get Sam back.


	15. The Turn Around

Sam pushed past me to open the door the rest of the way and ran up the stairs. I was a lot slower than I should’ve been to follow him, but I was having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that the cabinet that’d just been in front of the closet door wasn’t there anymore. Nobody was there. It did it on its own. 

A gunshot and Sam shouting, “No!” brought me out of my minor investigation. Running up the stairs, I got to the top in time to see Ms. Miller latch onto Dean in a way people who are panic stricken do when the threat is gone. Max’s body was on the floor next to Dean’s gun. Sam seemed to be in a state of shock. They all did. Someone had to have heard that. We needed to stage this the right way. Dean was going to lose his gun. His fingerprints being on it could be explained if we said that he tried to grab it, but Max got the upper hand. 

The problem with that was that Max hadn’t exactly been touching it, so I put his hand on it in a couple of key places. Using Max’s hand to do it, I ejected the magazine and wiped down the bullets with my sleeves to get Dean’s fingerprints off of them. Then I put Max’s fingers on them to make it look like he’d loaded it. Once that was done, I put the gun near his body, but not in his hand, because he wouldn’t have been able to hold onto it after he pulled the trigger. I couldn’t fire another shot if we wanted to sell this as a suicide, so I didn’t know what to do about gunshot residue . . . fucking telekinesis. Ms. Miller and Dean, Sam, and I would have to be convincing enough in our story that they wouldn’t test for it. 

We could say Sam came up and spooked him after Max had the fight with Dean over the gun, so he felt cornered, and like this was the only way out . . . that was pretty much what happened anyway . . . best to stick as close to the truth as possible. Dean and Sam took Ms. Miller downstairs to call the cops while I was doing all of that . . . a neighbor had to have called the cops, so if she didn’t call now that it was all over, it’d look more suspicious, and she was in the right state of mind to sound upset over what’d happened. It’d make the call sound more convincing than if she had time to calm down. 

I listened later when Sam told Dean that he’d moved the cupboard with his mind, which is something I already suspected given that I’d seen Max doing that shit a few minutes before that . . . Hell, it’s how I ended up in the cupboard too. Sam was worried, and Dean played it the right way by turning it into a joke. Sam didn’t need to know what Dean and I already suspected . . . that there was something that Jess’s death was meant to unleash in Sam . . . I don’t think it was his powers the way I’d originally thought when I first found out about them. 

I think it was something darker than that, because Sam was having dreams about Jess before she died, which meant the powers had already been there. Max had lived a life that made that darkness come out in him, so the demon didn’t have to do anything to him, but Sam . . . Sam had been happy out there living his own life. Jess’s death was meant to get him off of that path and push him down a darker one . . . one he’d been following for a few months, otherwise he wouldn’t have done what he did during that shifter case, but the last time we saw anything in Sam that was dark like that was when Dr. Ellicott zapped him, and he knocked me out and shot Dean. He was under the influence then. It made him act out in a way he normally wouldn’t, but the things he’d said were things he said . . . well, they were things he said pretty much all of the time, so that wasn’t really all that different. 

He’d taken off for a while after that hunt to go look for his Dad on his own, but he came back when Dean and I were working a case with a pagan god scarecrow that was straight out of Jeepers Creepers . . . that one actually made me wonder if the people who made that movie stopped in that orchard at some point and had a narrow escape. It also made me wonder how much money we’d get if we came up with screen plays for some of our hunts. We could be the new kings and queen of horror . . . maybe someday we could do that after everything that needed to be hunted was gone, which meant never. 

Anyway after Dean was nearly killed during that rawhead hunt, things with Sam had been a lot better. He was getting off of that path the demon wanted him to go down . . . Maybe this hunt had been good for him. Maybe it’d make him start keeping himself in check, so he didn’t end up like Max. I knew Dean was worried about it, but what could he do if Sam did something bad again? Say something, like ‘Hey, Sam . . . you know we talked about you killing people . . . probably shouldn’t do that because it’s wrong and if that’s not enough of a reason. It’s what the demon wants you to do . . . possibly with these powers you seem to keep accumulating,’ . . . that wouldn’t work. Sam was the one that had to keep from doing any of that. So if it meant he was going to keep an eye on it himself now, that was a good thing.

We caught another case pretty soon after that. It wasn’t that far away from Saginaw. It was in Hibbing, Minnesota. The cases seemed to keep coming in a pretty steady stream now, not that they normally didn’t, but we were always busy these days between the hunts we were finding on our own and what John sent our way in texts. Sometimes when you’re looking for things all the time, you find things that are odd, but not necessarily our kind of things. 

This cas in Hibbing seemed to be one of those cases, but John thought it was something to keep an eye on according to his journal, and whatever was happening here went back a long time . . . I always wondered about that. Why did John mark some things as suspicious and never go check them out? Did he think they weren’t our kind of gig and wanted to keep an eye on them just in case they were or was he so busy with the hunts he was doing that he never had time to look into them? That’s what it felt like sometimes, like there were never enough hours in a week, month or year to take care of it all. 

I knew there were other hunters, like Bobby, Jim Murphy and Caleb, but there was an astronomical amount of the supernatural going on out there, and there was only so much us hunters could do to combat it. It always made me wonder how the general population never caught on to it? I think they must have. I think they chose to ignore it, and when they couldn’t ignore it anymore, they became hunters or the people hunters went to for help, like back alley doctors or people that sold legit occult items in the back rooms of occult shops up and down the country.

Those are the things I was thinking about when I walked out of the bar just in time to see Sam fall on his face by the car. _Fuck. That had to hurt._ He hadn’t been expecting it, so he hadn’t been able to catch his fall or anything. I didn’t know what had pulled his feet out from under him, or if it was going to snack on him right then and there, so I pulled my handgun and went around the other side of the car to get behind it.

_Is that a man or monster?_ A lot of monsters look like normal people, and this guy had his back to me. “Let him go, back away, and I’ll let you go . . . no harm no foul.” If it was a person, that should make him think twice. If it wasn’t a person, it’d probably jump on top of the car or bare its teeth at me, and then I’d just kill it . . . wasn’t sure how to do that yet, but it was corporeal, so the first thing I’d do was shoot it and go from there. I was thinking maybe he was a Spring-heeled Jack type monster until he turned and looked more hillbilly than gentlemen . . . didn’t have claws or red eyes or anything like that either. 

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. When did Minnesota adopt the Deliverance mentality? Get in whatever pickup truck you used to get here and fuck off back to your house . . . The X-files inbred episode you came from can take you back . . . not aware of that one? Guessing you probably don’t have much in the way of TV wherever you live . . . it’s a magic picture box . . . how about a –“ 

I had enough time to think _‘Fuck. There are two of them,’_ just before everything went black.

When I woke up, I was in a cage with Sam. He was already awake . . . in fact he’s what woke me up, because he was in the middle of poking me really hard when my eyes opened. “When did you turn into the witch from Hanzel and Gretel? Am I still too bony?” I asked sitting up. Then I got a good look around. “Oh, look . . . you found Jenkins . . . worst Cracker Jack prize ever.” 

Sam glanced at me and said, “You’re in a mood . . . Is it the fact I found him first or that we’re stuck in a cage together?” 

I shook my head. “Guy and probably his brother/cousin/nephew all rolled into one didn’t appreciate me saying they were inbred . . . We need to get out of here. This is not our kind of thing, which means it’s worse than our kind of thing . . . There’s a reason slasher flicks are the horror movies that might actually . . . not scare me, but at least make me think, ‘I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that.’” Looking at Jenkins, I added, “How can he sleep in a place like this?” 

“Wait, so they’re human?” 

“Yeah, they’re human . . . That’s the only reason the one pulling you under the car isn’t dead. Think I should’ve taken my shot when I had it. I wouldn’t eat anything they give us. If they’ve been at this long enough that it’s a folk lore around here, I can only imagine what they eat.” 

Sam sighed while he looked around at our surroundings with fresh eyes now that he knew there was nothing supernatural about this place. “Should’ve let you sleep . . . Get back from the side of the cage, I’m gonna see if I can kick the door open.” 

_Good luck with that. Those bars are solid._ He tried for a few minutes . . . gave it a good try. Hard to believe the little kid I used to know could have that kind of strength when he got older, but it still didn’t work. He did wake up Jenkins though, so while he talked to him, I felt around the front of the cell door to see what we were dealing with here. There was a keyhole, which meant a lock. I didn’t have anything to pick it open, but I saw some things across the barn from us that might work. 

I slipped my jacket off, so I could get to my flannel shirt underneath. We needed a rope that was long enough to reach that stuff and something that was heavy to tie to the end of it, so I could drag that screwdriver or awl over here . . . or preferably both. It was a big lock, so those should both fit. 

It’s harder to tear flannel than you’d think, so it took a while to make strips out of my shirt, and I had to hide it under my jacket when they came in to feed Jenkins. As soon as they left, I muttered, “Well, fuck . . . the lock in the cell door isn’t actually the lock. I guess if they have an electronic release mechanism they do know what a TV is.” 

Sam watched Jenkins starting to eat . . . not just eat but really chow down on his food. “Maybe . . . uh, maybe you shouldn’t eat that.” 

When Jenkins wanted to know why, Sam looked at me, so I said, “Never know what’s in it . . . could be –“ 

Jenkins quickly said, “It’s fine . . . I tested it the first couple of days. It hasn’t been poisoned.” 

Sam must’ve thought the look on my face was funny when Jenkins took another bite, because he tried not to laugh as I said, “Yeah, but . . . uh . . . if I was going to poison someone, I wouldn’t put it in the first batch or the second batch, I’d . . . seriously, just stop eating or go to the other side of the fucking cage, would you?” 

Jenkins went off in a huff, and Sam leaned into my shoulder to whisper, “You didn’t really say they didn’t know what a TV was when you saw them, did you?” 

“I actually told him to go back to the X-files inbred episode he came from and he didn’t know what I was talking about, so I said he must not know what a TV was . . . I explained it was a magic picture box . . . also might’ve mentioned Deliverance.” 

Sam laughed again. “Deliverance? I really shouldn’t have woken you up. You just keep making it worse.” 

We had another look around to see what we could use or reach outside the cage, and Sam decided to try and cut the electricity to the cages. “What if it keeps the door locked and we can’t get out?” 

He shrugged. “At least they can’t get in here.” 

“Bullets can though.” He sighed and rethought it with me. “I think maybe I should go back to trying to making my rope, so we can get those tools over there. Maybe we can use them on these bars somehow. It might take a while, but they’ve had Jenkins for a few days. If we’re looking at that kind of time, it should be enough to do what we need. See if you can find something heavy to tie to the end of this when I’m finished, or maybe see if you can get his bowl from him now that he’s done. Tell him to bend it out of shape to get it through the bars and toss it our way. We can toss it back to him after we get what we need and before they come back.” 

Sam was in process of explaining what to do with the bowl when Jenkins’ cell door just magically opened. _That’s not good._ Sam and I shared a look before he tried to convince Jenkins to stay there, but Jenkins wasn’t having any of it. When it looked like Jenkins was just going to walk out the front door, I quickly said, “If you’re going to leave, don’t go that way. Go a way they won’t expect.” It fell on deaf ears, so I yelled, “Hey, Jenkins . . . Did you see the Hills Have Eyes when it came out a couple of months ago? That’s what you’re walking into out there. You need to be smarter than that.”

It didn’t look like he was going to listen to Sam or me. He was just so happy to be loose that he wasn’t thinking straight. Sam nudged me to make me take this more seriously, so I tried to get through to Jenkins one more time. “At least take the time to give us your fucking bowl and then go out a window. That’s something they won’t expect.” Jenkins turned back to grab his bowl, tossed it in our general direction, and then took off out the front door. _Well, fuck._

Sam looked at me and said, “He’s going to die, and all you can come up with is The Hills Have Eyes? Why didn’t you say anything to try and make him stay here?” 

Before I could answer, Jenkins’s cage door suddenly swung shut, just like it’d opened, and it pretty much confirmed what I’d already thought. “This is a game passed down through the generations. They’re experts at knowing the human response to fear . . . freeze, fight or flight, right? If people stay in here too long, they’re dead . . . If people fight, they’re outnumbered in an unfair fight, because I’d say it’s more than just the 2 I saw, and I bet they all have weapons . . . If people take flight, they’re hunted down, and the ones doing this know the terrain around here like the back of their hand . . . The people doing this have probably seen victims do the same things over and over again for decades . . . more than a century . . . If he’d gone out a way they weren’t expecting, like through the barn window on the second story and stayed on the roof long enough to think through his options instead of out the front door, then he might’ve had a chance. Keep that in mind when it’s our turn.” 

Not long after that, we heard Jenkins’ screams from wherever he was out there, so I looked down and angrily tied another knot in my flannel while I added, “And I’d say the weapons they primarily use are silent, like knives and crossbows . . . nobody would hear a gun out here in the middle of nowhere, so they could’ve gone with that option, but they didn’t. It wouldn’t be as fun. See if you can grab his bowl. I don’t think they’ll be coming out for it for a while . . . probably have other things to do with him now.” 

Sam watched me for about 20 seconds before trying to reach the bowl through the bars. “How can you be so cold? He was just in here talking with us.” 

I angrily tore another strip off my shirt and said, “It’s not cold Sam . . . It’s the way it is. I’m laying out the problem. Now we have to come up the solution. We either get out of here before they’re expecting it, or we will be hunted when they want to hunt us . . . and since they immediately let Jenkins go as soon as they knew we were awake, I’m guessing that there being two of us isn’t something they get very often, so they’re looking forward to it, which means we’re on a time limit here. You think the monsters we hunt are bad? They hunt for food . . . These people are doing it for sport. You think the demons we hunt are bad? They have rules they have to follow, like salt or holy water or exorcisms . . . Those things won’t stop these people. Only one thing can, and we don’t kill humans.” 

Sam put more effort into reaching through the bars and said, “Might make an exception.” 

“So far I’m thinking that if they let us loose before we’re ready, we should grab some tools from here, head to the roof . . . see what we’re dealing with and then we hunt them. We’ll maim one that’s alone. It has to be bad enough that he can’t just get back up . . . go for the joints in the legs, let him scream to draw the others there, and then knock him out, take his weapons, and move on to another position nearby . . . wait for the others to get there, and while they’re distracted with him, we maim them the same way. They may have hunted humans, but they’ve never hunted hunters. We have that to our advantage.” \

Sam finally managed to get the bowl and bent it enough to bring it through the bars. I let him tie it to my flannel rope, because he was better at knots than me, and then I let him try to get the tools on the other side of the barn, because his arms were longer than mine. While he was doing that, he said, “You’d really do that . . . permanently maim them?” 

I watched him swing the bowl and get the screwdriver on his second try. “That’s what I’m going to do. We don’t know how many of them there are. We can’t afford to go easy on them. I did that once. I’m not making that mistake again, and they’re good. I didn’t hear the second one until it was too late for me to do anything about it.“ 

The screwdriver slowly got closer and closer. Sam was careful not to lose it along the way. As soon as I could reach it through the bars, I picked it up and started trying to work the bars at the weak points along the corners where they’d been soldered together, while Sam went for more tools. He managed to get a hammer and awl. 

We didn’t do any hammering obviously, because we didn’t want them to know what we were doing, but both of us worked on the same spot with the screwdriver and awl, and when we got enough warn away, we put the hammer in and used it to widen the space between the bars enough that Sam thought he might be able to kick it and make a bigger impact. It worked . . . a little. It made the front come away from the side a little more, so we moved to a place a little further down and started over again. 

We worked on it all night and into the day, and I thought we were getting to a point where if Sam kicked hard enough, he might be able to bend that part of the cage back, so we could get out. We were about to try that when we heard people coming and quickly hid what we’d been doing. 

The men brought some woman in and put her in another cage. Turning to leave, one of them decided it’d be a good idea to kick ours. Neither one of us shrank back from him. Our eyes followed them all the way out of the barn . . . I would imagine we looked a little like lions in a zoo waiting for the opportunity to pounce on the unsuspecting crowds gathered to see them.   
They had no idea what was coming for them.

We waited until they were gone a little longer before we started in on it again. Sam kicking on his own wasn’t working, so Sam and I were lying on our backs trying to push the front of the cage out using the combined strength of our legs when we heard the woman say, “Are you Sam and Beth Winchester?” 

Sam and I glanced at each other before we sat up together, and Sam said, “Yeah.” 

“Your brother . . . and I guess your husband is looking for you.” 

_Husband?_ Sam nudged me with his elbow to make me focus before he asked her where Dean was. 

_Cuffed to her car? That’s just fucking fantastic. Maybe all three of us can try and push this fucking cage apart when they throw him in here with us._

Sam elbowed me again before he looked at the cage. _Yeah, maybe we should keep going, so we can be out of here by the time they bring Dean in here._

We were almost there, or at least the bottom left corner was bent enough that I’d be able crawl out, but we heard someone coming again. The problem was that we couldn’t exactly hide what we’d been doing this time, so we got the tools we’d been using ready and kept them hidden under our jackets. They’d be useful weapons so long as the people running this paradise didn’t just shoot us. 

It was Dean. He had a look at the lock and said what we already knew. It wasn’t an easy one. Sam showed him what we’d done so far on the cage, and Dean came over to pull on the corner that was bent out of shape, while we pushed out on it with our legs. With all three of us working on it, we got it open enough that Sam and I could both get out in maybe 5 minutes. Now we just had to get the woman, who was a deputy, out of there. 

Sam looked at our cage and said to Dean, “That took us all night and most of today to do. I think we’re gonna have to go in the house and get the key to get her out.” 

_Take the game to them? I’m okay with that._ I filled Dean in on what we were looking at when we got to the house. “We don’t actually know how many there are, but I think there are more than 2 . . . They’re people hunting people for sport . . . Maybe they’re eating them too, and they are pros.” 

Dean took a slow deep breath and said, “Yeah, I kinda figured it was something like that. Saw a bunch of cars out back. I think they keep the cars of the people they take,” and then that’s when I felt like a bitch when Kathleen asked if a black mustang was out there with the cars, because Dean nodded and knew it was her brother’s car. 

_Well, now she knows her brother was hunted for sport and maybe eaten by cannibals. That’s just fucking awesome. Stupid big mouth._ Dean exhaled a laugh, but other than that didn’t give away that he knew what I’d been thinking before he put his hand on my shoulder and directed me towards the door. They wouldn’t see this coming. They had no idea we were out of the cage, and it was the middle of the day. Going out the front door was acceptable in this instance.

Sticking together, the three of us snuck around their house, and the more we saw, the angrier I got . . . pictures of dead people, like they were deer from a hunt . . . teeth . . . bones everywhere as ornamental decorations. It was like going through Leatherface’s private abode. I handed Sam a Polaroid picture of Jenkins that Dean found, and his look pretty much said what I was feeling. 

We found the keys to get the deputy out, but some nightmare of a child started screaming for her father just as we got to them . . . fucking fucked up family. That meant the game was on, but like I said, we took the game to them, and they were not expecting it. 3 on 3 and one bratty child . . . I don’t think it’s a good idea to feed people to your children. It makes them more than a little psychotic. I liked Dean’s solution to her after she tried to cut my arm with a knife she had. He just picked her up and locked her in a closet.

Seconds later, Deliverance from the other night, tried to stab him in the back, but Sam smashed Deliverance’s hand with the hammer he had to make him drop the knife. Dean rapidly bent down to pick the knife up off the ground, while I turned and blocked the other young guy to keep him from grabbing me. Ramming the palm of my hand into his nose, I followed it up with an immediate left hook . . . again to the nose. Blood started gushing out of it, and before he could recover from that, I grabbed his head and rammed his face into my knee . . . He wasn’t thinking about anything but the nose I’d crushed after that, which meant I was able to kick his knees out. He landed on them hard. I grabbed a hold of his hands, wretched them high up his back in a tight pressure hold, and made him fall on his stomach. 

The scraps from my flannel shirt that I still had in my jacket pocket came in pretty handy for hog tying him while Dean and Sam took . . . Well, it looked like Dean had Pa Kettle and Sam must’ve given Deliverance a couple more whacks with the hammer, because the guy was screaming about his wrists. Apparently, he thought Sam was holding them too tightly behind his back. Sam had him pinned to the floor under his knee and looked like he was trying to find something to tie him up with, so I looked at the Ed Gein inspired lamp on the table next to me, unplugged it, and yanked the cord out of the back, so he could use that. 

That left Pa Kettle, and . . . Oh, that was gonna hurt. Pa Kettle had hit Dean with what looked a meat tenderizer, so Dean picked up what looked like a . . . well, it looked like a femur, because who doesn’t have femur’s lying around their house and whacked Pa Kettle across the side of the head with it. Pa Kettle went down and smacked his head off the table. Dean quickly dropped the thigh bone when he realized what he was holding, and we checked to make sure the patriarch of the family from Hell was still alive, but to be honest, I don’t think any of us really cared if he was or not. 

He was, so we tied him up too, and Dean stayed in the house to make sure they stayed tied up, while Sam and I went back to the barn to let Kathleen out. We didn’t think she should go in the house if her brother died here. His picture was probably in there on the wall, and that wasn’t something she should see, but the house is where she went after she put the call in on the place. She’d definitely be up for sheriff during the next elections after busting this place single-handedly.


	16. Trap

Dean followed Sam through the bar to see where he was going. This was a messed up case without adding the complication of another one of Sam’s friends. When he got to them, Dean felt like a loser just standing there on his own waiting for someone to acknowledge him, but then when they did, he kinda wished they hadn’t. Sam’s friend was a bitch, and just like that he was reminded of all the problems they’d had with Sam. Did Sam say that crap about him when he was at Stanford or since then? How the hell did Sam know this girl again? Dean would find out later. He was going to the bar to get another drink.

Turning, Dean saw Beth standing behind Sam’s bitchy friend, and that made him feel a little better, especially when he saw the look on her face. Dryly, she said, “The last I knew Sam was free to make his own mind up on things, and he does all the time . . . in fact that’s why we’re here . . . He just had to get some Chicago style deep dish.” 

Sam’s friend turned to face Beth, and seconds later, her drink smashed to the floor. “Look at what you made me do . . . You owe me another drink.” 

Beth watched her for a few seconds. “Sorry, you’re out of luck . . . I’m broke. Christo, pizza in this town is expensive.” Beth took a step back, and because she did, Sam and Dean both did too even though the chick’s back was to them. 

Looking back at Sam with a smile, the demon said, “I’ll be seeing you, Sam,” before she headed for the door with all three of them close on her tail, but by the time they got outside, she was already gone.

Heading towards the busier street to their left, Sam asked Beth how she knew it was a demon.  
“I blinded her when she looked at me . . . That Kevin demon that Cheryl was seeing either hid it or never looked directly at me, but I caught this one off guard. I thought maybe that’s why she dropped her drink, so I tested it, but you know what? Her eyes didn’t flash black when they should have.” 

Dean and Beth scanned the busy street around the corner from the bar, and Sam looked down at the top of Beth’s head. “You mean it didn’t react to the name of God at all?” 

“Nope . . . She waited until I finished saying what I was saying to let me know what she was.”

So, they were dealing with a major player. Not seeing anything in either direction, Dean finally said, “Think you need to work on the chicks you pick up, Sam.” 

“I met her when I left a couple months ago. Do you think she was possessed then?” 

Dean shared a look with Beth . . . Definitely. The yellow-eyed demon was looking for Sam, and maybe that was what it wanted . . . for Sam to get separated from them. “Yeah . . . Sam, I do. If I wasn’t forcing you to be here against your will before, think I found a good reason to do it now . . . I wanna know if she’s connected to the deaths we’ve been looking into here.” 

Heading across the street, they made it to the quieter alley on the other side, and as soon as they hit the alley, Sam said, “I think she is. That’s why I wanted to go talk to her. I thought her being here was weird. When I met her, she said she was going to California, and now all of a sudden she shows up here. I never thought I’d see her again.” Good to know Sam spilled their problems to random chicks he met. 

When they got back into their motel room, Dean did a check to make sure it was still secure, and Beth and Sam both went to their laptops to start researching. “You two look into the death’s . . . see if you can find a connection. I’ll look into that symbol and see if I can find anything,” Sam suggested as Dean flopped down on the bed next to Beth. 

Beth glanced at Dean and said, “I think you should call that cop who told us about Meredith’s heart being gone.” Yeah, he could do that. She was a pretty good contact to have, and she was definitely into him. Dean got on the phone, while Beth skipped looking for anything to tie the victims together and went straight for the symbol. He had the feeling she wanted to find the answer before Sam did. She liked finding the answers to harder questions. 

Waiting for Amy to call him back, Dean looked over Beth’s shoulder, while she checked out older symbols and told her to go back, because he thought he saw the symbol in the background of one of the pictures. That sent her in a whole other direction just before the phone rang. He kept an eye on what Beth was doing while he answered, and Amy told him to come pick up the complete records for both the victims. That was a hell of a lot more than he was expecting.

As soon as he got off the phone, Beth got up to go with him. “If she’s possessed too, I don’t think you should go on your own. Maybe we’ll know if she is if she looks at me.” 

She was starting to think of this thing, like a super power. She was even starting to come up with superhero names. She hadn’t come up with a good one yet. He laughed and said, “All right, Demon Blinder, but uh . . . think it’s better if you stay here. I’ll bring Sam with me.” 

She looked confused for a second and then her shoulders slumped a little. “Oh right . . . if she’s not possessed, it might make that favour a little harder to get.” 

Sam gave him a dirty look while he got up to follow him. What? It was all part of the job, and Beth knew he wasn’t going anywhere. Dean was also leaving her here, because he thought it was safer than her being out on the streets. That demon was pretty powerful if it could teleport. It had to be able to do that, or it wouldn’t have been able to disappear before they got to the door, and it didn’t react to ‘Christo.’ It might’ve been looking for Sam, but now it knew Beth was here too. Dean wanted her somewhere he knew she was safe. 

“You think The Demon is watching me?” Sam asked when they got down to the street. 

“I don’t know how this one found you after you left, but I don’t think The Demon is watching us. I think we move around so much that it can’t find us, or if it does, it’s not very often, so your demon friend had to do something to draw us here, and this case is it.” 

“Do you think anybody else will die now that Beth blew Meg’s cover?” 

Sam wanted to know if the case was over. Dean didn’t think Meg left town, and even if she had, he didn’t think it was over, because she hadn’t gotten what she came here for . . . could be anything, but she’d said she’d be seeing Sam. “We need to find out how it killed the two victims and what that symbol means . . . has to mean something.” 

Sam took a deep breath and slowly exhaled before glancing at Dean. “I think we should get these case files and leave . . . tonight. We should do the research on the road somewhere else to find out what that symbol means. I have a bad feeling about this.” 

Dean glanced at him. Sam looked pretty freaked out. “All right . . . we’ll go.” Sam didn’t look like he expected him to say that. “What? I’ve been doing this long enough to know when to follow a gut feeling. Just because you’re Psychic the Boy Wonder doesn’t mean I’m gonna question yours. I don’t like it either. Feels like a trap.” Sam nodded in agreement, and it felt good to have Sam asking him for reassurance . . . Dean might not know what the hell he was doing, but it was his job to make Sam think he did, and it felt good getting that right.

Dean was in the middle of having a laugh with Amy when his phone rang. He had to take it. It was Beth.

_“That symbol . . . It’s the symbol for an ancient demon called a daeva. They’re animalistic, not like the demons we’ve seen . . . more primal . . . Think of them like gorilla versions of Sam’s friend. Even she couldn’t truly tame something wild like that. She has to be doing something like that faith healer’s wife did to control that reaper . . . with an alter or maybe something else, like that necklace the minister’s wife had.”_

Dean glanced at Amy and Sam before he turned his back on them more for a little more privacy. “Any way to get rid of it?” 

_“I’m working on it . . . It likes the dark, so maybe the opposite of that, but not just normal light, because that Meredith girl’s lights were on in her apartment.”_

Dean took a breath so he’d sound calmer than he felt. “Stay there. Don’t go looking for it. I don’t want you using this –“ 

_“I wasn’t talking about me. I don’t give off that kind of light. I mean real light, like from the sun. These things have to go somewhere when the sun is out . . . I’m thinking dark corners and places like that.”_

“So, it lives in the shadows? Do salt lines or those devil’s traps Bobby had us put up at Gwen’s work on it?” Silence. She didn’t know. “Stay there. We’re coming back.” He hung up without listening to whatever else she was going to say. That faith healer’s wife could send the reaper after anyone she wanted without being anywhere near them. Maybe this Meg demon could do the same thing. 

Dean made his apologies to Amy for leaving early. She stepped in close and put her hands on his sides. He pulled back a little when she tried to take it a step further than that and flashed her a smile before saying he’d take a rain check . . . an emergency came up, or he would. She changed it up and leaned in to whisper some things she wanted to do to him during the rain check, and then she got more than a little handsy to drive the point home. He laughed awkwardly. She looked disappointed, but not pissed off, so they didn’t have to worry about a cop being pissed at them. She’d already given him the case files, so he stepped back, and started back to the motel without wasting any more time. 

“How can you do that?” It took them about 15 minutes to walk here, so Dean started jogging as soon as they got around the corner, and Sam picked up the pace to keep up with him, while he added, “I don’t just mean lead them on . . . you’re too convincing.” 

_That’s the whole idea, isn’t it?_ “Don’t want a pissed off cop on our tail, and now we don’t. We have the files . . . it worked. Job well done.” 

Sam looked like he was going to argue with him, which meant they were going too slow, so Dean sped up some, and Sam matched him. “You didn’t need to say those things or act the way you did . . . She could’ve been Beth’s contact and Beth still would’ve found a way to get those case files.” 

Yeah, maybe if Beth broke into the precinct and acted like she was some rookie cop. “This way is faster, like with the bartender at the bar earlier. It’s also lower risk . . . none of us have to start breaking in to precincts to get what we need. It’s all part of the job. That’s all it is.” 

Sam was going to be a pain in the ass, so Dean sped up even more. At least Sam’s nagging meant they could get back to Beth faster. “You need to find another way. That’s all I’m saying.” He didn’t need to find another way. This way was fine. Sam stopped him from responding this time by saying, “It’s disrespectful.” 

_To who? Beth?_ “Beth knows it’s a part of the job. She charms reports out of M.E.s and cops all the time.” 

Sam actually sped them up this time and said, “That’s just it. She charms them. Ask yourself what you’d do if they started grabbing her assets or telling her what they’re going to do with her later.” They wouldn’t. There were rules that somehow didn’t apply when it came to women touching – “And ask yourself what you’d do if she encouraged it . . . used the same kind of body language you use and made it look like they were the couple, because that’s how you make it look.” 

_Couple?_ “I don’t let anything more than what you just saw happen.” 

Sam shook his head, like he thought Dean was a lost cause and said, “It’s the look and the smile and everything else about it . . . It’s wrong. You should know that. It’s a way for you to cheat without cheating. You’ll see. I’m gonna tell Beth to do the same thing. See how you like it.” 

_Cheating without cheating? It’s nothing like that._

“Why are we running?” Sam asked to change the subject. Dean hadn’t thought about it, but Sam just followed without needing an explanation, because he trusted him. Things were so much better between them. 

“Beth found out what killed those people . . . some kind of an ancient . . . attack . . . gorilla demon . . . I don’t know. She thinks Meg is controlling it the way that faith healer’s wife was controlling that reaper. Means she can send it after anyone, and Beth’s not sure if salt lines or devil’s traps work . . . It likes the dark and shadows, so maybe it doesn’t like the light . . . bright light, not house lights or that Meredith chick’s lights would’ve been enough.” 

Sam pulled out his phone and pushed speed dial. “Yeah, hey . . . uh . . . okay . . . my flares -” Sam looked down at his phone when the other person hung up and started running faster, while he tried to dial again. Must be Beth. Must mean there was trouble back at the room. Should’ve just left the case files and gotten out of this city. 

They were running up the stairs to the motel room when a banged up Beth came running down the stairs with their stuff slung over her shoulders and a lit flare raised out in front of her. “Go! Meg’s up there too . . . She’s stuck in the devil’s trap, but I don’t know how long the flare I left up there is gonna hold her pet gorillas, and there’s more than one. Not even sure –“ 

She didn’t get to finish the rest. Sam went flying backwards down the stairs, and before Dean even had the chance to turn and see where Sam had landed, he was being flung towards the wall, hit it hard, and fell to the ground next to Sam. Sam yelled in pain seconds before something started to slash into Dean. There was nothing there to fight, but air, so he couldn’t protect himself. _Get it off of me!_ And then Dean was blinded by a bright light, but whatever’d been shredding him stopped. 

Beth must’ve lit up another flare or thrown the flare in her hand down the stairs. Those flares were really fucking bright. Could’ve used a warning. Then he got hit in the stomach with someone’s bag full of clothes, and he heard something big land next to his head and something else land on the other side of him, and then it sounded like someone was running back up the stairs. 

“Sam!” His brother answered right next to him, so yeah . . . Beth was the one going upstairs. Dean put out his hands and used the wall to get back up. Sam was already standing by the time he got to him. “Grab the bags. I’m gonna go get Beth. We need to get out of here before that flare dies down.” 

Halfway up the stairs is when the screaming started. It was coming from the direction of their room, so Dean started taking the stairs two at a time. Beth never screamed like that. He heard something barreling down the stairs towards him and grabbed for his flask of holy water. He had to figure out how to get past Meg if he wanted to get to . . . Beth . . . who was suddenly on the landing above him holding two flares in one of her hands. Didn’t look like she was slowing down any either. “I’m okay . . . go. We are so fucked when she gets out of there.” She turned him with her free hand and started chasing him down the stairs. Jumping down the last couple, Dean pushed Sam out the door ahead of him, and they sprinted to the car . . . or Beth tried, but she still had all three of their weapons bags. She’d only unloaded the bags with their clothes. Dean went back to help her out. 

As soon as they were all in the car, Dean started her up and took off, waited until they were around the block, and then looked back at Beth. “What the hell just happened?” 

Beth sat back against the seat and breathed out a relieved laugh. “Good call on the salt lines not being able to hold those daevas back . . . She must’ve sent her pets in ahead of her through the vents or something to clear them for her, because she wasn’t there one second, and then the next she was . . . I guess the plan was for Sam to follow her, so he could see where she was going to summon her boss . . . Then when you two went after him, they were planning to take you and use you as bait for John . . . I ruined that plan at the bar, so then the plan was to take me . . . and leave an address of where she was taking me . . . on the wall in my blood . . . so you’d call your Dad in for back up and then she would’ve had all three of you . . . Sam called and reminded me about the flares before they could do too much damage, and I walked her right into that devil’s trap we put up. Guess they really do work.” 

_This was a trap for Dad?_ They needed to let him know what just happened, and they needed to stay away from him until they were sure they weren’t being followed out of Chicago. If they didn’t, they’d lead the demon straight to him. Dean shared a look with Sam, and Sam sighed before giving him a nod in agreement. There were a couple of times they’d thought they were close to finding him . . . or it felt like he was trailing them somehow, because he always sent a hunt their way after he knew they were finished with a case, never during one. Their Dad had to know when to send those texts somehow. 

“It’s just for right now. We’ll start looking again once we know we won’t lead it right to him. Don’t think an exorcism is gonna cut it on the yellow-eyed demon anyway or Dad would’ve done it by now . . . need something that’ll make him stay gone for good. Soon as we find it, we’ll finish this . . . think that might be what Dad’s doing too.” Dean needed to let Sam know they weren’t giving up, just regrouping until they could kill the demon. He knew it was important to Sam. 

Sam nodded again and looked out the passenger side window before he asked Beth why she went back upstairs. Beth was quiet for a little too long before she answered, “We need to call Cheryl and Paige and tell them to book a vacation somewhere for a while. They’ll need to use cash and fake names . . . I may have pissed her off.” 

Sam rolled his eyes and looked back at her. “What’d you do?” 

Beth looked down and picked at the hem of her shirt. “She seems to think of Azazel, the yellow-eyed demon, like he’s her father, and I get the impression that’s why she was entrusted with this. I might’ve sent him a message.” 

_So, Meg is definitely a major player._

“What kind of message?” 

Dean looked at Sam, and Sam shrugged. It wasn’t an interrogation, but it was starting to feel that way. “That we don’t need your Dad to be a threat all on our own . . . That if he keeps sending demons after us, they’re going to start coming back worse for wear until they stop coming back at all.” That wasn’t a message. It was a challenge. 

Sam looked back at her again and asked, “What’d you do to her?” 

“I went back up and punched her in the nose, so I could grab her necklace with that symbol on it. That devil’s trap really weakens them, so me punching her was like hitting a human. Then I smashed the necklace and took the flare that was in the room, so she was left there in the dark with them.” Beth wasn’t wrong about them being fucked once Meg got out of that devil’s trap . . . Cheryl and Paige did have to go into hiding for a little while. 

Sam looked back at her again and asked, “Do you think you killed her?” 

Beth sighed before looking out the window. “I doubt it. That’s why I left a message. He can’t get it if she can’t deliver it.” 

Sam was quiet for a few seconds. “Do you think that’s smart?” 

“I think it’s a game, Sam . . . just like with that fucked up family in Minnesota. We need to start taking the game to the demons and doing things they don’t expect . . . if the they know us well enough to put that kind of a trap in place for your Dad, they know us too well.” 

Sam finally relaxed and nodded, like that was something he understood. Dean understood what she was saying, and he agreed with her, but it seemed like Sam understood on a whole other level because of that Benders case. Dean wasn’t entirely sure what happened on that farm, but whatever happened made Sam and Beth bond in a way they hadn’t since they were kids, and that was something he never thought he’d see a few months ago. 


	17. Meddling

Sam pulled me aside on our way to the morgue and said, “Now remember what I said . . . I checked this guy out, and he’s not going to be a push over. He graduated from Yale 2 years ago. Young doctors always have something to prove. You need to pull out all the stops.” 

I went through my mental catalogue of everything I knew about Yale and a few other Ivy League colleges. “I’m going to say I went to Harvard and go with the competing alma mater –“ 

“I don’t think that’s going to work . . . uh, his parents went to Harvard.” 

_So, if I piss him off, he might ask me questions about Harvard that he’ll know the answers to and I won’t?_ “How about Dartmouth, I could say –“ 

Sam tried not to smile, and said, “No . . . I think you should stick with the Harvard thing, but turn it into a friendly competition . . . tease him, don’t say ‘my school is better than your school, so I know what I’m doing better than you do,’ to try and get him competitive enough that he’ll unintentionally give us what we’re looking for . . . say something like . . . Harvard has a better football team or –“ 

“25-24 to Harvard this year. 2-point conversion to clench it in the final minutes.” 

Sam laughed and glanced at Dean, who was waiting for us by the doors. “Yeah, go with that . . . pretend to notice his credentials on the wall . . . and say that, and then have some friendly banter with him . . . and smile . . . a lot . . . and make sure that you look relaxed, because . . . you’re confident in what you’re doing. You work for the FBI as a pathologist, but it’s not just work. It’s something you like . . . make sure he sees how much you like this part of what we do, and . . . stick close to him . . . if he’s looking at something in the chart or shows you something on one of the bodies . . . stand next to him and look at it with him . . . and make sure he sees how smart you are . . . He’s the target . . . not his report or the remains. If he thinks you’re just here for that, he won’t don’t do anything for us . . . He’ll get offended, because he’s young and has an ego. Older M.E.s love you, because they think you’re young and talented. He is young and talented, so you have to do more. Got it?” 

I nodded, and Sam gave me an appraising look before he pulled the sunglasses down off the top of my head. “Sorry . . . messed up your hair. No time to fix it . . . just pull it back in that messy ponytail thing you do . . . goes with the whole looking relaxed thing and makes it look like you’re . . . so good at what you do that a dress code doesn’t apply to you.” 

Whatever he thought would work. I didn’t research this M.E.. I was just going to go in there and do my thing . . . make nice and let him know I knew what I was doing, but I guess I had to really be nice with the guy. It seemed like I had a lot of things to remember this time. That made it a challenge, and I didn’t want to mess this up. “You’ll cue me when it’s time?” 

Sam smiled. “Yeah, just remember what I said.” Okay.

Dean and Sam took the lead to get us in the door, and then I took over once we actually met the doctor. I gave him a smile the way I normally did and shook his hand when he came out to meet us. When we got to his office, Sam nudged me towards the degrees on his wall, so I went over and had a look, while Dean talked to the doctor. When Sam gave me the nod, I played my part and brought up the football game and teased him about Harvard winning, and after that everything else fell into place. 

I was pretending to be a fed that didn’t act like a fed and didn’t have to act like one, because I was smart. I let him see my interest in what we were investigating and looked at his report with him when he put it on his desk. Pointing out a few things I thought stood out, I asked him what he thought they were with a smile that indicated I knew what they were . . . like a test, so he knew I was smart, but still wanted him to think he was helping us on the case . . . and then he grinned and asked if I wanted to see the bodies. He looked as excited about showing them off as a little kid would a new toy. 

He didn’t give me any trouble at all. I have no idea what Sam was talking about. The guy didn’t seem like he had an ego. That or Sam was 100% spot on and the guy was only being nice because of how I was playing this. 

Judging by the bodies and other evidence, I was thinking that what killed the man was a monster, not one of those daevas. The claw marks weren’t as deep, and there was some hair Yale had found around the edges that he wanted me to take a look at under a microscope. They were canine-like, but the lunar cycle wasn’t right for a werewolf, which meant skinwalker. 

When I turned around, Dean was watching the doctor, so he didn’t see me when I tried to get his attention, and I had to go to Sam, who was trying not to laugh. Well, if neither one of them were going to get us out of here now that I knew what we were hunting, I would. “Well, thanks for your time. I think we have what we need. Let us know if you find anything else.” 

The doctor shook my hand again and said, “It was a pleasure. We’ll have to do this again sometime.” 

“Hopefully, not . . . hopefully we can stop it from happening again.” He looked embarrassed, so I added, “But you have one of their cards if any more victims come your way before we can.” 

“If I come across anything else odd, who do I call –“ I handed him my fake business card to make things seem more legit. I wouldn’t be living with Sam and Dean in the same motel room if I were a real agent.

As soon as we walked out the doors, Dean said, “What the hell was that?” 

_What the hell was what?_

“What the hell were you doing back there, and why the hell did you give him your number?” 

I glanced at Sam, who was still trying not to snicker, and felt like he’d played some kind of a joke on me. I always gave my number to the M.E.s if they asked. That’s why I had fake business cards. Sometimes they felt more comfortable talking to a supposed doctor instead of two agents, and Dean knew that, so I didn’t know how to address that one. Instead, I said, “I think it’s a skinwalker. I haven’t seen one of those in years, so as soon as I figured it out, I wanted to get started on it straight away. You think we left too soon?” 

Dean gave me a look and rolled his eyes before he walked ahead of us, so I moved over to Sam and whispered, “What did you do?” 

He laughed and said, “Gave him a taste of his own medicine.” 

_What medicine?_ “Did you guys start up another prank war? Why am I getting pulled into it?” _I behaved myself on the last one._

Sam shook his head and looked down with a smile that said he felt bad. “It wasn’t a prank on you . . . I wasn’t making fun of you either if that’s what you’re thinking.” 

After watching Dean slam the door shut on the Impala, I looked back at Sam. “Why is he mad at me?” 

Sam sighed and said, “I’ll talk to him. So, you think it’s a skinwalker?” 

Shifting gears to something that made more sense, I answered, “Yeah . . . the claw marks in their chests didn’t look the same as those daeva attacks in Chicago. The animal hair he showed me under the microscope was mostly canine, but there were some markers that indicated there was something humanoid about it. The DNA samples he ran came back as contaminated, so that backs up the visual evidence . . . and the lunar cycle doesn’t match up, so I think it’s a skinwalker.” 

When we got closer to the car, Dean was still giving me a look. I could find out why, or I could wait for Sam to fix what he did, so I said, “Think I’ll walk back. You can talk with him on the way there. Have fun with that,” while I dodged around him to head down the sidewalk.

The rest of the case was ok. It wasn’t great. Whatever Sam said to Dean just seemed to make him angrier . . . with Sam, me, and himself for some reason. The skinwalker ended up being some guy that worked at in the Parks Service, who’d recently moved into town. As soon as we finished the hunt and went back to the motel, I took a shower first, because I was the muddiest. 

Everyone else was gone when I got out, so I did some research on the skinwalker’s life to see if I could tell when he was turned based on deaths in the towns where he’d lived and maybe use that to track down the skinwalker that turned him. Maybe half an hour later, the motel door flew open and slammed shut behind Dean. “Where’s Sam?” _If Sam did something else to piss him off, Sam should be dealing with it._

Apparently, I had to deal with it, because Dean took out his wallet and tossed it on the bed next to me. “All right . . . let’s hear it. I want you to tell me how big of a dick you think I –“ 

“A dick? You’ve been a little testy lately, but I wouldn’t say –“ 

“Oh come on Beth. You went along with it way too easy for me to buy that there isn’t a part of you that didn’t want to get back at me because you think I’m a dick for the way I do my job.” 

I still didn’t know what he was talking about. “Is this about the other day? All I did was figure out it was a skinwalker. It’s not like you and Sam couldn’t have done the same thing without me.” 

He looked confused. “Do you think I’m jealous you figured it out?” 

“You felt jealous.” 

He squinted marginally and said, “Stop feeling what I’m feeling . . . and if you know that’s what I felt, that means you have something to compare it to and have felt that way before . . . and I think that’s why you went along with it.” 

_Went along with what?_

“With Sam’s plan to make me see how big of an asshole I am to you.” 

_Does that make me an asshole too if he saw it because of something I did?_

“Yeah, it does.” 

That made me smirk. “I didn’t think chicks could –“ 

“Don’t change the subject. How long?” 

_How long what?_

“How long have you just pretended to be fine with it, when you’re not?” 

I sighed and said, “One, why are you reading my mind if I’m not allowed to know what you’re feeling? Two –“

In exasperation, he shouted, “How the hell else am I supposed to do this when you get too nervous to say most of the shit you should be saying to me?!” 

_He has a point. I still don’t think it’s very fair that he gets to use the soul mate thing and I don’t. I don’t want to do this anymore, so I’m not saying –_

“So, now you’re breaking up with me?” 

That was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard. I just didn’t want to fucking fight. I grabbed his wallet before he could, and it seemed like we were in a standoff. It was the perfect time for Sam to come back. Using Sam as a distraction, I leapt up, dodge past Dean, made it to the bathroom before he could, slammed the door shut behind me, and locked it to buy me a few more seconds. _Maybe I should flush it this time, or he did suggest burning his wallet one time._

I pulled out my zippo as he crashed through the door shouting, “What the fuck are you doing?” 

_Is he serious? He’s the one that handed it over._ Sam was there in the background attempting to get Dean to leave me alone, but Dean ignored him and tried to get his wallet back, so I made it difficult for him while I lit up a 10, and then threw it in the toilet. _Ha, simultaneous destruction._

“Dean let her go.” 

Yeah, that wasn’t happening, because now that I couldn’t just burn the money anymore or risk burning Dean’s hands, I went with the tearing option. “I have him where I want him, Sam . . . give us some space.” 

When Dean said a smart ass comment and went to grab his wallet, I tore a 20 I had in my hands a couple of times and threw it in the toilet while I said, “Really, Sam it’s fine,” before I turned in Dean’s arms to kick the door shut in Sam’s face. I probably should’ve given everyone fair warning, because I moved too fast on a wet floor and slid, then Dean did, and we both tumbled into the bathtub. “Shit, I’m sorry.” 

I really hadn’t meant to make us fall, so I was trying to check him for injuries, but that seemed to piss him off more. It looked like he didn’t even want his wallet anymore, because he just started to climb out of the tub. Or that’s what he faked like he was doing until he went for it again and slipped and fell on top of me. I nearly lost the wallet after that, because I wasn’t expecting him to fall again. I put my hand, holding the wallet under me, but that would only work for so long. I was losing the upper hand. I couldn’t let that happen, or he’d walk out again. “Why do you keep finding reasons to walk out on me?” 

That made him pause before he looked confused and said, “What?” 

“Out there . . . just now. The first thing you thought when I thought I didn’t want to fight with you was that I was breaking up with you . . . You have to know I wasn’t, which means you were looking for a reason to get out of there. Every time you get mad at me, you walk away.” 

He was fast with a defensive answer. “I don’t wanna make you feel like you have stage fright. That’s why I leave. And it’s not like you haven’t left to get away from me.” 

I assume Sam left after that, because I heard the motel door shut. “I haven’t done that in years . . . Do you think if you leave first, I won’t, or - ” 

“No, I don’t want you to feel trapped, like the only way out is for you to go. That’s the reason you used to do it. If I go, that doesn’t happen, and I’ll always come back . . . not sure if you will.” 

“That’s the way I feel when you go.” 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before he looked at me and said, “I won’t do it anymore.” 

“And what’s with the wallet? Why’d you give it to me if you didn’t think I was going to do what I did?” 

He looked to the side and said, “I don’t know. Thought it’d finish faster if I did . . . it’s been days. Just want it to be over.” 

“What did I do, Dean?” _I should’ve gone in the car after we left the morgue, so I could find out what Sam’s big joke was._

“Wasn’t a joke, Beth.” 

_Then why did Sam keep laughing?_

Dean hung his head and said, “Because he was right. When you were working that doctor . . . I knew what you were thinking, and it was all about the case, but I didn’t like what I saw. Didn’t like the way he was with you . . . didn’t like that he kept finding ways to touch you when you were looking at the skinwalker hair . . . almost hit him when he touched your lower back on the way out . . . didn’t like the way you were with him either . . . didn’t like how you kept standing so close to him or the way you were talking to him. You’ve only ever been like that with me. I just didn’t like it.” He paused while he took a deep breath. “And then Sam said he coached you on what to do before we went in there, so he could make me see what it’s like when I . . . I don’t know, hit on women or flirt with them or whatever to get what we need for a case. I thought maybe . . . if you see me like that on cases all the time . . . maybe that’s why you went along with it, and it pissed me off. I want you to tell me if something like that bothers you, not try to get back at me for it . . . but I think it pisses me off more if that’s not why you went along with it, because it should bother you.” 

“So, there was no way I was walking out of this one without you getting mad at me?” 

He finally glanced at me and said, “Pissed at myself more than anything. Even if you can’t see that it’s wrong, I should. Sam said it’s like I’m cheating without letting myself cheat. Always thought if I didn’t kiss them or anything like that it wasn’t a problem, but –“ 

“I trust you to know what’s meant for you and me and what you can use outside of that. The looks, the laughing, the touching . . . the hints at something more . . . I guess it boils down to whether or not you mean them. If you feel guilty, because you mean them more than I thought, maybe I should –“ 

“I don’t mean them, but that still doesn’t make them right.” 

__Why not? Spies do that kind of thing all the time._ _

Dean laughed in frustration and said, “We’re not spies, Beth. A woman whispering in my ear about how she’s gonna handcuff me while she grabs my crotch should piss you off.” 

“With you or her, because I’m pretty sure that’s assault.” 

He laughed again. “I let her –“ 

“Arm, chest . . . side is getting more intimate and so is the stomach, but your crotch . . . if the situation was reversed and some guy I wanted information from about a case did the same thing to me . . . that’d be assault, especially if I didn’t really know him and wasn’t standing there pointing to my groin saying, ‘please touch me here’. Women are the worst for touching and grabbing. Why do you think there’s so much more security on ladies night at strip clubs than every other night of the week?” 

Dean shook his head and said, “Where do you come up with this stuff? ‘Please touch me here?’ She wanted to kiss me, I pulled back, and she went with something else, so I let her.” 

__Right . . . so, it’d be okay if some guy put his hand between my legs in response to a rejection for a kiss?_ _

Growling in frustration, Dean said, “No . . . if some guy did that I’d probably kill him. That’s not . . . I told her I’d take a rain check . . . that there was an emergency, or I would, and I acted like I was into it when she did it . . . getting back to you was the emergency, because I didn’t bring you with me . . . shouldn’t be doing things with women that I can’t do in front of you . . . if I am, there’s something wrong with what I’m doing.” 

__I thought he didn’t bring me because he didn’t want Amy to get jealous of me being there, not so he could do things with her he shouldn’t be doing._ _

He sighed and said, “I didn’t leave you behind, so I could do something I shouldn’t, but I shouldn’t leave you behind because it might make other women jealous either. It’s not right. And I would never . . . never cross that line, but maybe the way I am with them is wrong. I might be doing it for the job, but that doesn’t make it right . . . I mean where the hell do you go when I’m trying to find out something from another woman? You disappear. Why is that?” 

__I don’t want to get in the way, so I usually find something else to occupy my time, like –_ _

“I shouldn’t be doing anything that makes you feel like you’re getting in the way. You’re my partner. Whenever you’re working someone, like a bartender or an M.E., I’m always right there, and you get the answers no problem . . . You flash your smile, and you usually say something funny or smart. You don’t act like you’re trying to get laid . . . There’s nothing you do that makes them think they have a chance.” 

__Until the doctor the other day?_ _

Dean shook his head. “No, not even with the doctor the other day . . . that was marriage material flirting, not anything for a one night stand.” 

__I’m sorry._ _

“I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to get mad at me.” 

__Why?_ _

“I have always told myself that as long as you know I’m not going anywhere, what I do is fine, and it’s not.” 

__Sounds to me like you’re the one with the problem, not me._ _

“You’re not a doormat. Stop acting like one.” 

__I get mad at you for lots of things . . . not too happy about being called a doormat, but I won’t get mad at you for this._ _

“Why the hell not?” 

I sighed and said, “It’s part of the job. It saves lives. And because I trust you, it’s part of the foundation of our relationship?” 

I’d calmed him down until then. “The foundation of our relationship is me acting like I’m going to fuck other women?! You know what I think?” 

“Nope. You’re the only one of us that can do that.” 

He gave me a look and said, “I think it does bother you. I think that’s why you take off, and I have to come find you when I’m done.” 

__Or maybe I don’t want to look like a weirdo that’s interrupting something when I’m supposed to be a work colleague._ _

“See that there . . . I should never make you feel like you’re interrupting something.” 

__What do you want from me, Dean? I can’t make myself mad at you for –_ _

“I want you to tell me I hurt you all the time . . . that I have been for years, and I wanna know why you never said anything about it.” 

_What the hell did Sam say to you? You don’t hurt me all the time. That’s a lie, and I won’t say it . . . hurting me now though, my arm went numb a while ago._ Dean took his weight off of me long enough that I could pull my hand out from under me and then put his body right back where it had been. “I thought you’d leave after that one.” 

He shook his head. “Getting all kinds of mixed signals here, Beth. You just said you don’t want me to go anywhere. Already said I wouldn’t, so I won’t, but you’re not going anywhere either . . . Neither one of us is going anywhere until I figure this out.” 

__Figure what out?_ _

He didn’t say anything in response to what I’d thought. Now he was just being difficult for the sake of it . . . possibly to push me into being pissed off about something else, so I’d be pissed off with him for something. “You know what . . . I’m not going to get pissed off with you. I’m going to get pissed off with Sam. He’s the one that is fucking with things that were fine, and you’re buying into it for some reason. Let me up.” 

_He really isn’t gonna let me up either?_ “Can I at least feel what you’re feeling?” I turned my head to the side, so I didn’t have to look at him. 

“You’re not?” 

“No . . . you told me to stop. Not going to do it if you don’t want me to do it. It’s just hard to shut off now.” 

I heard him sigh and say, “Why aren’t you blocking me from knowing what you’re thinking? I know you can, but you’re using it to say things to me as much as you’re talking. Why? And why do you want to know what I’m feeling?” 

When I looked up at him, he didn’t look angry, and he didn’t look like he was being a smart ass. He looked like he was trying to understand something. “Why are you studying me? I thought you left when you got mad, because you don’t want me to feel like I’m trapped . . . Now you’re trapping me to see what happens? Is it to see if that’s why I leave when you’re talking to women during a case? I already told you why I leave.” 

He wanted answers to his questions first, so I said, “I trust you Dean. I might be more than a little annoyed by the current situation, but I trust you, and the only reason I’d block you would to be to protect you or me, because like Missouri said, things that can read your mind can read mine through you . . . It’s better if they don’t know things that I’m going to do before I do them . . . And I would do it if I were going to try and outsmart you in some way . . . in a game, so you can’t cheat . . . I want to know what you’re feeling, because I want to know what’s going on right now. You want something more than you’re saying.” 

He didn’t even bother to answer my questions and instead asked, “How do you feel right now, Beth?” 

__I don’t know._ _

“I think you do know. I think you’re letting me know what you’re thinking, because you’re uncomfortable, and it’s easier to let me know what you’re thinking than it is to say it. I just don’t know why . . . how do you feel?” 

_Did Dean Winchester seriously just ask me that?_ I looked up at him and said, “What are you a shrink now? Right now I feel like kicking your ass and getting out of here. It’s fucking wet.” 

He shook his head. “You’d never hurt me . . . just tell me. I wanna know. You know what I’m feeling all the time . . . I’d rather have that than what I have. I know you well enough to know what you’re thinking without it, but your head and what you feel are completely cut off from each other.” 

I looked off to the side again and said, “You want me to talk about my feelings?” 

“I want to understand it . . . Just tell me how you’re feeling right now . . . this second, because we just went past the point of you laughing it off . . . You’re at the shut down or taking off for who knows how long stage.” 

_Like I’m going to be punished, but I didn’t do anything wrong. Like there’s something wrong with me. Like I want to be alone, but I need help, and nobody will help me. Like I am nothing and mean nothing and yet all eyes are on me. Like I’m hunted. Like the bottom’s dropped out and there’s nothing there to catch my fall. Like there’s no way out. Like I don’t know what to do, because I’m out of options, and I just need some time to breathe and figure it out, but there is nowhere to go. It feels like a freight train of terror and sadness bearing down on top of me, and I need to stay on the move to keep ahead of it. It underlies everything I do and is buried so deep, I don’t even know it’s there most of the time . . . You’re not the cause of those feelings, Dean . . . They’re always there. It’s just that sometimes something makes me stop moving and it starts to take over, so I have to find a way to start moving again._

I heard him clear his throat and then ask, “Is it hunting? Is that –“ 

I shook my head. “It was there before I started hunting. I guess you could say it’s not that I used to get bored and spend all my time looking for trouble the way my Dad says. It’s just that I couldn’t stop moving, and unless something was at the right intensity level, it wasn’t enough.” 

Dean started playing with the ends of my hair and focused on doing that, while he said, “But you’re not on all the time.” 

“What do you mean by on?” 

He shrugged. “I don’t know. You read a lot . . . that’s not exactly like being on a hunt.” 

“I’m an intense reader. When I read, I focus 100% on whatever it is that I’m reading. I might as well be dead to the rest of the world. A werewolf could break into the room, and I wouldn’t hear it, because I’m focused on the book.” 

He took a deep breath like he was going to say something and instead nodded reluctantly. “Where do I fit into it?” 

I wasn’t sure what he was asking, so I said, “If that’s what I feel like when I stop moving. Being with you is like a reason not to stop moving, and with you I have somewhere to go where I’ll be safe.” 

He glanced at me before he looked back down at the tips of my hair and said, “No, I mean . . . when I lose my temper or . . . you know . . . what started all of this?” 

__Why won’t you let this go?_ _

“Because I know how it feels now, and it sucks. You can’t tell me it doesn’t feel the same for you. It’s something I should’ve figured out on my own, but I didn’t, and it’s my job not to do that to you.” 

I knew Sam had meant well, but he’d really screwed things up. “What you do, and what I did, isn’t the same. You said what I did was more marriage material than one-night stand material. That’s the difference. I am the one that needs to apologize. It won’t happen again. I’m sorry I didn’t see it.” 

He slumped a little before he shook his head, and I knew he wasn’t going to see things from my perspective now that he was stuck on him being the bad guy, but I still said, “I know it’s a part of the job, Dean. When I used to stick around, there was always a moment when I could see you were about to shut things down . . . if that moment stopped happening, then it would be a problem, but I trust you to do the right thing. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t leave . . . And there’s a look you give me . . . I don’t even think you know you do. If you gave that look to anyone else . . . I couldn’t handle it. If I saw it, I’d leave, and I don’t think I’d come back.” He quickly looked at me, so I tried to explain in a better way to keep him from thinking the worst. “I’d know it was over if you were looking at someone else like that, but you don’t. That’s what’s important to me. I don’t want you to change who you are, or how you work a case or not use all of your natural talents because of me. That’s not how we work. That’s never been how we work.” 

He looked back down at the tips of my hair with a small grin. “Natural talent?” 

“Yeah, you’re good at flirting. No more touching below the belt though, or I’ll start pressing charges on your behalf.” 

He smiled a little wider before he said, “How about no more guys touch your lower back . . . and 6 inches between your body and theirs at all times, and I won’t let any more women touch my . . . stomach and sides.” 

__Are you negotiating for me?_ _

He licked his bottom lip briefly and said, “Yeah, I am . . . You won’t come up with anything for you. The below the belt thing should’ve been a given. I only let it happen, because she was a cop.” 

“So, you’re telling me it was coercion?” 

He laughed and said, “Stop trying to press charges against her. Do we have a deal?” 

“So, if a guy touches my back, am I supposed to turn around and punch him, because I’m not entirely sure how to stop that one before it happens if they’re behind me, or if I have to punch someone, does that break the 6 inch rule?” 

He laughed again. “You know what I meant . . . I’m trying to do the right thing and lay down some boundaries.” 

“Good luck with the stomach thing. You’re tall. That means for shorter women, you’re chest is out of reach, and -” 

“It doesn’t happen very often, but I shouldn’t be letting them touch me at all. I’m adding that in there too, and I’m adding the 6-inch rule for me too . . . That’s still too close. That’s you and me kind of close. Make it a foot. Now do we have a deal?” 

“Yeah.” I was glad we finally got that sorted, but I was going to kick Sam’s ass. 

“It’s fine, Beth. It’s between him and me. You’re only thinking that, because you think he fucked me over somehow. He didn’t, and I think you know it . . . You’re just in denial, and that’s why you leave whenever it happens and why you don’t want to talk about it.” 

Whatever. He wasn’t going to change his mind and apparently he’d become some kind of psychologist. “You wouldn’t have said that thing about the stomach and sides getting more intimate if you didn’t think it. I’d rather have him looking out for you than have him hand you over to every monster we hunt.” 


	18. Knives from God

“Yeah, maybe you can get her to write it all down on a cocktail napkin.” 

Dean snorted and said, “Not me.” Sam could start pulling his own weight on this kind of thing, and that chick was into Sam, not him, which suited Dean just fine. He wanted to take a step back from it, and Sam could do stuff with her that he would never do, like take her out to dinner to try and sweet talk that provenance out of her. 

“Is this because –“ 

Cutting him off with a shrug, Dean said, “You say you can pick up any chicks you want, and I haven’t seen it.” All he’d seen was that Sam knew how to get chicks to pick up guys. 

“I’m not doing it. I’m not going to use her to –“ 

“Sometimes you’ve gotta take one for the team. Call her.” Sam could roll his eyes and huff as much as he wanted, but he was taking this one. One, she liked Sam. Two, Sam liked her. Three, Sam needed to use his time for something more useful than interfering with him and Beth. 

Dean and Beth should’ve had the conversation they’d had in that bathtub years ago, so he could find out why she got rattled when they argued. Something had to have happened to her for her to feel like that all the time . . . It seemed like it was a part of her, a huge part of her, that he should’ve known about before now. It felt like he was really seeing her for the first time, and it shouldn’t have taken this long for him to do that. 

He had the feeling her Dad knew what happened. That’s gotta be why her Dad kept them on the move when she was growing up and then stopped moving as soon as she started hunting. Dean also thought her Dad had done everything he could not to get in the way of how she coped with it . . . probably why her Dad used to let her do whatever the hell she wanted when she was growing up. 

Dean wondered if it didn’t have something to do with the way demons reacted to her now . . . maybe she was taken by demons when she was really little, and whatever they did to her caused it. Maybe she was blocking the memories of what’d happened and was just left with that feeling . . . he didn’t know. He was working on it. It was all kind of new . . . So, they’d needed to talk about that, and he should’ve set himself boundaries when it came to other women a long time ago, so those were points in the win column for Sam. The way Sam tricked Beth into it was like 10 in the other column. 

Beth wasn’t an idiot, but she felt like one now because Sam had treated her like one, and she’d trusted Sam, because she’d thought Sam read some kind of a profile on that doctor. Beth knew how to flirt. She did it with Dean, but she kept it mild with anyone else . . . never anything more than a smile at the right time and taking an interest in something that interested someone else, but it’s like Sam said, she was charming, not sleazy, and that made it worse, because Sam used that and got her to kick it into overdrive to charm some doctor about their own age. 

Felt like it could’ve been anyone they’d run into, but Sam had waited over a month until he found the right candidate, just so he could show Dean how much better she could do. And what the hell was up with that doctor guy anyway? If she was an FBI agent with the kind of credentials she spun, that doctor shouldn’t have thought he could step in and be the one in charge . . . leading her out that way after only knowing for an hour . . . Dean bet the guy did have control issues. 

Dean waited until Sam got off the phone before he grinned and said, “Dinner? Not bad, Sam. We should get back, so you can get ready for your date.” He ignored Sam saying at least he knew what a date was. Dean knew what a date was. It was every day he spent with Beth when it was just the two of them out there on the road. It was hanging out and having a good time and having mind-blowing sex at the end of it. 

God, he missed the sex they used to have. Now they had to sneak off to have it, and that was fine. Some of the places they found were places that used to be hot, but when that’s all it was, it made it start to seem desperate, and maybe it was. Sure, they could start springing for another motel room for just the two of them, but they didn’t have the kind of cash for that very often when they were paying for a place to stay every night of the week and getting food and paying for gas and ammo and everything else . . . that and Sam always looked all judgmental about it the next day. 

Sam being a dick almost ruined everything else about it. It almost felt like Sam was going back to being her personal bodyguard, like he was the whole time they were growing up. Dean had forgotten Sam was like that until he went off to college. 

“You look good, Sam. Must really like her if you’re preening so much,” Beth said from her spot at the head of the bed.

Dean watched Sam go from looking in the mirror to . . . yeah, she shouldn’t have said anything. Sam looked like he was about to call the whole thing off, so Dean snatched the phone out of Sam’s hand and straightened Sam’s shirt some while he said, “Have a couple drinks to loosen up, but not too many. You don’t wanna get sloppy . . . Don’t try to impress her. Ask her questions about her. Find something you have in common. Talk to her about art. Ask her about the provenance, but it’s not an interrogation. Have fun, and you’ll be fine.” 

Dean waited until Sam took a long slow breath and nodded to let Dean know he understood. Then Dean grabbed his wallet, kept back 120, and gave Sam the rest before pushing him out the door before Sam could change his mind. 

As soon as the door was closed, Beth asked, “What’s she like?”

Dean waited until he heard the Impala start up to make sure Sam was really gone before answering. “She’s pretty . . . and smart. She looks like she comes from money, but not rich. She seems down to Earth, and her Dad’s a pain in the ass. She’s into him . . . Find anything yet?” 

“There’s lore on ancient demon-killing knives that the Kurds had. I think it looks legit.” 

He wasn’t expecting that. He wasn’t expecting anything. Beth offered him her laptop, so he took it and sat with his back to her to see what she’d found. Maybe 10 minutes later, he was sure it was something . . . a hell of a lot of something. “Looks like only certain people got them . . . guess you could call them hunters.” 

Looking around his arm, so she could see the screen, Beth smiled and said, “I think some have to have survived . . . I don’t think something that could kill a demon would rust or fall apart.” 

Unable to pry his eyes off the knives on the screen, Dean shook his head in awe. “A demon-killing knife . . . That’s what I want for Christmas this year.” It was the first thing they’d found that seemed like it could be real . . . You just knew when lore was a bunch of crap and when it wasn’t. They could put the yellow-eyed demon down for good. “Should leave you back here to do research more often. You think you can find one?” 

She got up on her knees to look over his shoulder at the screen and said, “God, I hope so. If I had one of those knives right now, I’d kick your Dad’s –“ 

She stopped talking abruptly, but Dean didn’t notice. He was caught up in clicking on the next tab she had opened. It looked like she was already getting a start on finding one. 

A few seconds later, she was scrambling away from him, and that got his attention. He quickly got to his feet, thinking that she’d spilled something on the bed, because for someone with good hands, she was clumsy, and he didn’t want to get soaked. What he wasn’t expecting to see when he looked back was a knife lying on the bed where his ass had been. 

The blade . . . that looked a hell of a lot . . . Dean looked back at the screen and down at the knife before he put the laptop down on the nightstand by their bed, so he could a better look at the knife. The handle may look different . . . better than the one in the drawing, but the blade looked the same. Reaching for it, he quickly pulled his hand back, when Beth smacked it to keep him from touching it. Keeping her eyes on the knife, she got off the bed, and put herself beween he and knife, like it was some kind of snake, so he laughed. “What are you –“ 

“I have no idea where that came from. It just showed up in my hand . . . just now . . . this second. Stay away from it.” 

He looked from the back of her head to the knife and back to the screen. Nah, he wasn’t buying it. She was messing with him. He didn’t know when she found the time to get it, but she’d already gotten it somehow and waited until she could confirm what it was before she showed him. He went to pick it up again, but she turned to push him away from it. “I’m not kidding, Dean. I have no idea how that got there . . . well, I do. I dropped it on the bed as soon as it showed up in my hand, but I don’t know how it got in my hand.” 

Getting a little tired of the game, he tried to go past her. All he wanted to do was see it. He wasn’t expecting her to do one of the moves she did on monsters that ended up with him on the ground . . . Beth would never do that to him, so she ended up on the floor seconds later. 

Pulling his flask out of his pocket, Dean dumped it all over her, and she passed, but that didn’t mean anything, so he held her down while he reached a canister in Sam’s bag on the other bed. “I’m not a demon . . . not possessed by one –“ 

He forced the salt in her mouth and yelled, “Where is she?” 

Coughing, she answered, “Right here. You’re going to feel really –“ 

Taking the silver amulet she gave him off his neck, he palmed it and slammed it down on her forehead. When he lifted it, and there weren’t any burn marks, he shouted, “What the fuck are you?” 

She sighed. “Thirsty . . . mind handing me one of the bottled holy waters out of Sam’s bag.” 

“What’d you do with –“ 

“You’re sitting on her. She’s not fighting you . . . hasn’t been since you dumped holy water on her . . . What’s the point of being soul mates, if you’re not gonna use it?” 

He paused to hear what she was thinking and didn’t get anything. “You’re not thinking anything, how the hell –“ 

“Not really sure what to think now that I put you and me on the spot, but how -” 

Putting his hand over her mouth, he said, “Beth would never do that to me. I have no idea what you are, but I’m gonna –“ 

_”How many times have I knocked you down when something is heading towards you on a hunt, and I haven’t had time to tell you to get out of the way?”_

Sonofabitch. He felt like an idiot. Dean took his hand away from her mouth, reached up on the their bed, grabbed the knife, and held it up in front of her. “So, you decided to take me down because of this?” 

She hadn’t wanted him to touch the knife, and now he was, so she slumped in defeat and nodded. It felt like any other knife would. “What happened again?” 

He grabbed the holy water from Sam’s bag and handed it to her while she sat up and said, “I already told you. We were looking at the computer, and I was saying how if I had that knife, I’d be able to beat your Dad, and then it was just in my hand, so I dropped it.” 

Yeah, she had said all of that, but he hadn’t been really been listening . . . to that or what happened just before she got the knife. “What’d you say just before it showed up?” 

She gave him a weird look, like it didn’t matter what she said, because knives appearing out of thin air wasn’t normal no matter what she’d said, but eventually she sighed and thought about it. “You asked if I thought I’d be able to find one, and I think I said, ‘God, I hope so. If I had one of those knives right now though, I’d kick your Dad’s’ well, I was going to say I’d kick your Dad’s ass, but I didn’t get to it, because the knife just showed up and took all of my attention.” 

He had no idea if his Dad got that message she left with Missouri, but that had made her start researching ways to kill demons, so whether or not his Dad got that message, at least something good came out of it . . . depending on how they got this knife. “You come across anyone today . . . anyone that gave you anything or took an interest in you? Anything out of the norm?” 

Beth shook her head. Something had to have happened. They needed to find out what it was. Something good like this didn’t come without a price. Maybe she touched a cursed object without meaning to do it, or maybe something she met was granting her wishes or a witch put a spell on her, or maybe . . . Sam had all these freaky powers going on now. Maybe it was something like that. “And you didn’t –“ 

“What am I, a fairy godmother now? I didn’t do this.” 

His brow furrowed in thought, while he looked at the knife. “But maybe you did . . . I mean you’ve got that blinding thing going on with the demons. Maybe this is tied in with that. I think the yellow-eyed demon was scared of you for a reason. Maybe –“ 

“He wasn’t scared of me. He was –“

Dean growled in frustration, because they’d disagreed over this since it’d happened. She didn’t think she was important enough for any demon, but especially one that powerful, to be afraid of her. She thought it was a case of mistaken identity. She was in denial, which is how she seemed to live most of her life, or that’s what he was starting to think, so he laid it out for her again. “Whatever he heard about you before he met you . . . whatever made him call you North Star, I think scared him. I think he was trying to get rid of you before you could do whatever it is he thinks you can do. I wanna test it.” 

He laughed when her next thought was, _‘You know what I want? For you to stop ending up on top of me and then not following through,’_ before she got up off the floor. “Run tests on the blade. I’m not a human test subject. We don’t –“ 

Getting to his feet, he quickly said, “No, we don’t know how it happened. We don’t know if you’ve been cursed or not. That’s why I want to test it.” 

She threw him a look that said she didn’t believe that for a second. “Wouldn’t that make it worse? If I start getting wishes granted, what happens when I run out of them? Maybe my luck will turn, and I’ll get run over by a bus, or maybe I’ll explode. So, we’re just going to hasten that along by –“ 

“You run tests on yourself all the time . . . I think you know, and that’s why you don’t want to test it. You don’t want me to be right.” Maybe she didn’t want to find out because she thought he’d have a problem with it. He didn’t want her to think he thought there was something wrong with her. Ducking his head, Dean added, “It doesn’t matter to me if it’s you. I just wanna know what we’re dealing with . . . I wanna know –“ 

“You don’t have to worry. I don’t think it’s the same thing as with Sam.” He hadn’t expected her to say that or anything really. The only reason she was is because she didn’t want him to feel like he was crazy. She must’ve known part of him did. 

She had to think what she’d said for a reason, so he asked, “Why not?” 

Sitting on the bed, Beth thought about it, and finally said, “Just a feeling I have . . . like when he moved that cupboard . . . that was all Sam. He said he felt like a punch came out of him . . . I don’t think I did this. I think something else did it, because I said I wanted it. It’s not coming from me directly. It’s coming from something else.” 

Dean still wasn’t sure that was right, but if that’s what she thought, he’d go with it for now. Taking a seat next to her, he said, “But you don’t think it’s a witch or fairy . . . anything like that either?” She hesitated before she shook her head. “Demon?” 

She seemed more sure when she shook her head to that one. “No . . . I’m not sure what it is, but I know it’s not a demon.”

“So, we just need to figure out how it works. Try asking for something.” 

“Why do we need to know how it works? Maybe we shouldn’t be asking for anything at all?” 

They had to know how it happened, so they could get to the bottom of who made it happen. “You don’t think it was wish fulfillment, right?” She looked down and took a deep breath before she said she didn’t, so he said, “Then I think we should try it . . . I wanna know if it ties in with this North Star thing and what makes you feel the way you do all the time.” 

And maybe Dean wanted to find out who or what her Dad really was, because he thought that had something to do with it. He wasn’t going to hunt her Dad. He liked him, and he didn’t think he was bad, but the guy had pulled through on way too many things over the years for Dean not to think there was something up with him. Maybe he was some kind of monster they’d never heard of . . . like a miracle working kind of monster . . . that was something demons would want to get their hands on if they thought Beth could do the same thing, but they’d want to take her when she was small, so they could raise her and try to mould her into giving them whatever they wanted. Maybe Beth was getting some of that handed down to her now, or if she really didn’t think she did this, maybe it was just her Dad, and –

“Stop thinking my Dad’s a monster.” Dean gave her a sheepish look before she climbed back further onto the bed, so she could sit against the headboard. “All right . . . what do you want? Let’s see if we can get it . . . and don’t say a million dollars. I won’t ask for things that have anything to do with money or any kind of real gain . . . unless it has something to do with hunting, like with this knife or protection or as part of a battle plan.” 

It sounded like she was negotiating with him. He was all right with those terms, so he agreed, but it did raise the question. “Have you used it before?” 

She looked unsure. “I don’t know. If I have, I haven’t been aware of it. All I know is that I’ve never had anything show up in my hands until now.” 

All right. They could come back to that one once they figured out what was going on. _What do I want?_ “I want my TAURUS 92 back.” He’d hated losing that gun. He didn’t want another one just like it. He wanted that one back. She said she wanted that, and nothing happened, so they kept working on it. Different ways of phrasing it or finding ways of getting her to ask for it without meaning to ask for it, which was impossible, because she knew she was asking, and it didn’t matter how much she pretended like she didn’t, she still did. It got frustrating for both of them after a while. 

Maybe whatever the hell gave them the demon-killing knife knew they were onto it, so it wasn’t playing ball. The more they worked on it, the more he thought it really wasn’t her and something was messing with them. She gave up after a while, so he kept working on it and gave her things to try saying, and she did, but her heart wasn’t in it. Maybe that was it. No, she’d been up for it at the start, and it hadn’t worked then either. He wasn’t even trying to get his gun back anymore. A freaking pack of zip ties would’ve been enough by that point. 

Finally she had enough and said, “Can we give it a rest? God . . . all I want is some food before Sam comes back and tells us all about his magical fucking date.” 

Yeah, Dean was starving, and whoever ordered pizza next door wasn’t doing him any favors. He felt Beth kick a box into his back, and heard her say dryly, “Looks like God makes deliveries. Who knew?” 

He glanced over his shoulder, and . . . _That’s where the pizza smell is coming from?_ He looked at Beth and said, “God?” 

She shrugged while she leaned forward to open the box. “It’s the only thing I said both times, isn’t it? ‘God, I hope so,’ and ‘God, all I want.” 

He laughed until he realized she was being serious. “If there is a God, and I don’t think there is . . . but if there is, there’s no way –“ 

“God, would you mind giving Dean his TAURUS 92 back?” A scone later it was in his hand, pretty much the way the demon-killing knife showed up in hers, and his reaction was pretty similar to the one she’d had. He immediately dropped it on the bed and stood to back away from it. 

“That’s not funny, Beth . . . how the hell did you do that?” 

Beth tucked into her pizza and looked completely unbothered by the whole thing. “I told you I wasn’t doing it. Now we know who is.” 

She couldn’t be serious. Something was fucking with them and wanted them to think that this was coming from God. “I don’t want you to use it anymore . . . and stop eating that.” Dean smacked the pizza out of her hand, and it landed topside down on the bed.

Beth looked at it mournfully before looking back up at him. “I think we should switch beds with Sam again.” Dean would’ve laughed because of the way she said it and because they’d done that a couple times when she spilled water or beer or whatever on their bed in the past, and Sam’s reaction was priceless every time, but mainly he was keeping an eye on her. She looked like she was going to go for more pizza just because he didn’t want her to. Yeah, she could maintain eye contact all she wanted, but he still saw her hand sneaking towards the box again, so he made a grab for it before she could get more and took the box into the bathroom to pour holy water all over it in the bathtub. 

When he came back out . . . _Her and her fucking fast hands._ She’d already stuffed half a slice he didn’t know she grabbed in her mouth. She sure could shovel food in her mouth when she wanted to. By the time she jumped on the other bed to dodge around him, the slice was nearly gone, so he tackled her to take what was left out of her hands and threw it on the floor. There’s no way she’d touch it now. She hated germs.

“We have no idea where that came from . . . Something that wants us to think it’s coming from God can’t be good . . . It’s the opposite of that. Now you think you’re eating fucking pizzas from Heaven. It’s gonna go bad . . . really, really bad.” 

Beth exhaled a laugh while she rolled over to look up at him and then said, “I’m an agnostic, but in light of my pizzas from Heaven, I’m revising that to say God set the universe in motion and doesn’t interfere in how its run now. But . . . maybe you’re right . . . maybe something happened, something I can’t remember . . . some kind of experiments or something, and now I can contact God somehow . . . maybe it’s to mess with me, and you might be right . . . maybe there will be some kind of ramifications for using it, because nothing comes for free . . . but maybe it’s something Azazel knew I could do . . . I mean you’re the one that keeps saying that he was afraid of me.” 

_Now she wants to listen to all the crap I’ve been saying?_

For any of that to be true, there’d have to be a God, and Dean didn’t buy that there was with the things he’d seen . . . unless God really had taken off and didn’t give a damn about the people he’d left behind . . . that he could almost get behind, but why the hell would she be able to get through a God like that? No, he didn’t buy that this was from God. She could if she wanted, but he wasn’t going to . . . and he didn’t want her using this thing until he found out what was really going on. 

As soon as this case was over, Dean was taking a detour to talk to her Dad, so he could finally start getting some answers. Hearing the Impala pull up a couple of seconds later, Dean realized he was on top of Beth again. Maybe he did find ways to keep ending up here, because he was probably even more sexually frustrated than her, but it didn’t look like he was going to be able to follow through on it this time either, and they had a case to finish . . . things used to be so much easier than this.


	19. Free Fall

_Well, this isn’t going very well._ “What the hell do you mean I’m not ready to know yet? That means there is something you’re not telling us. I am trying to look after your daughter. How the hell am I supposed to do that when you’re keeping things back from me?” 

My Dad glanced at me and fidgeted ever so slightly. My Dad doesn’t fidget. “It’s not you, Dean. He doesn’t think I’m ready to know yet. If he’s going to tell you, it won’t be with me here. I’ll leave you to it, and he can decide what to say or what not to say, but whatever he says . . . remember you asked for it.” I was talking to Dean, but I was watching my Dad. Whatever it was, he wanted to protect me. Of that I had no doubts. “It’s not an interrogation. Go easy on him. I’m going to go develop some of my film . . . if my chemicals aren’t all out of date. Sam, you’re coming with me. You can be my apprentice.” 

Sam didn’t have a clue what was going on. He looked like he wanted to get out of there though. He’d acted nervous around my Dad ever since he ratted Dean and me out to the cops when we were kids. 

Walking into my old room that my Dad had left exactly the way it used to be for me, I pulled three or four rolls of film out of my bag. Sam followed me in through the door and immediately started snooped around the way he did the first time he came in here. “What do you think the book fines on this are?” He asked with a grin, as he held up the Native American folklore book I checked out and never handed back. Then he went over to have a look at some of the other things on my shelves. 

He’d refused to come here at Christmas. He’d stayed in the motel when Dean and I went to meet Cheryl, and Dean stayed with him while I came here for Christmas dinner. I’d brought them back leftovers. He hadn’t touched them. His amusement at my room and taking a walk down memory lane was a sign of how Sam had turned a corner at some point between then and now. 

All my chemicals were still in date. My Dad must re-stock them yearly for Christmas, because they were always in date. I called Sam in so he could help. He’d helped me a few times when we were kids, but he hadn’t done it with me since. At first he just observed until he started remembering more and told me what I needed to do next, like he enjoyed being able to remember it. It was relaxing until Sam said, “I don’t know what happened, but whatever it was has Dean freaked out. I’m guessing you two will tell me once you figure out what’s going on, but . . . how can you stay up here knowing that they’re talking about you down there?” 

I glanced in his direction through the dark before returning my focus to trying to get the film on the reel. “I already know what’s going on, Sam. I don’t need to know the why . . . I don’t want to know the why, but Dean does.” I could feel the frustration at being left out of the loop coming from his general direction, so I said, “Turns out I can ask for things from God, and if God feels like it, they happen . . . I don’t think it applies to changing things in the past or even something like just asking for Azazel to be wiped out, but I think I can use it to acquire the tools needed to get rid of Azazel or maybe getting rid of Azazel’s underlings as part of a battle plan. We should have to work hard for the big victories, and I don’t want to become reliant on it in case it stops working when we least expect it. We should rely on ourselves, not God, but I think it’ll help.” 

I glanced in his direction again when he didn’t say anything. _Bet he’s got that know-it-all, pain-in-the-ass look he gets when he doesn’t believe something._ I took a step to the side to keep from getting wet and said, “God, it’d be hilarious if you were dressed as a clown and had a little tiny rain cloud pouring down on top of your head.” 

It was hilarious when he started bitching. I didn’t know what he looked like, because it was still dark in there, but I imagined a 6’4’’ clown standing next to me with a rain cloud following him back and forth, while he looked up trying to figure out what the hell was going on. “All right, I get it . . . turn it off, Beth.” 

I couldn’t stop laughing. “God’s not a pet dog . . . He’ll turn it off when He or She is ready.” He didn’t like that. Apparently, he decided to go tell on me, because he opened the door and completely ruined my roll of film before I heard his huge clown shoes stumbling down the stairs, while he called for Dean. Eventually, I heard Sam stomp back up the stairs and head into the bathroom before I heard the shower start. _Good play, Sam._

There was a knock on the dark room door 20 minutes later, and I said, “You already ruined one roll of film. Wait until I say you can come in,” before I finished what I was doing and opened the door.

Sam pushed his way past me saying, “I wanna talk about this.” 

_I’m sure he does._ “Okay . . . What do you want to know?” 

He started pacing and asked, “How do you know this is from God?” 

“Dean doesn’t think that it is. That’s why he wanted to talk to my Dad, but . . . every time I say or think something with God in it, what I say or think happens, whether it is intentional or not.” 

Continuing to pace, Sam asked, “When?” 

_When what? When did it start or when did I notice?_ “I don’t know when it started. The first time I became aware of it was when you were on your date with Sarah.” 

Automatically, he said, “It wasn’t a date . . . Is that how that demon-killing knife was there when I got back?” 

He was going fairly easy on me so far. “Yes . . . and the TAURUS 92, and the pizza your brother drenched in the bathroom. Like I said, Dean doesn’t think it’s from God . . . He thought it was something like you can do at first, but it’s not. I’m not the one doing it.” 

Sam glanced at me and nodded, like he’d think about it before he asked, “When else do you think it worked?” 

_Here we go._ “I don’t know. I’ve thought a lot about it over the last few days, and well . . . I think it’s why your brother didn’t get hurt getting me out of that fire at Stanford.” 

Sam stopped pacing and looked at me. “Wait . . . so you’re telling me you think God is how you got out of there?” 

I focused on pouring out the developer from the film canister and then poured in the stop solution while I said, “No, I think Dean is how I got out of there, but Dean got out of there untouched because of God, I think . . . Dean put his coat over me and was carrying me. I put the coat over our heads, so we could share it, and I got a burn on my hand from holding it over us. Then one of my legs caught on fire in the hallway. His leather coat was destroyed by the time we got in the kitchen, but he wasn’t touched. My hair and shoulder caught on fire when he shoved me out the window, and he came out after me, but again nothing touched him. I don’t remember what I thought at the time, but I must’ve thought something with God in it, because Dean didn’t get hurt at all, and he should’ve been.” 

We’d never really talked about what happened after Dean dragged him out of the house. We’d been over what happened that whole weekend up to the fire ad nauseam, but never how Dean got me out of there. Sam had never asked about it and cut us off whenever Dean or I started telling him. 

“How bad was it . . . the fire?” 

I made sure the film was completely submerged by shaking and agitating the canister and said, “The ceiling in the bedroom was coming down before he even pulled me away from the wall . . . after I was unstuck, Dean shot out the window to let the smoke out and pull the fire towards the bedroom and away from the exits outside the room . . . it came in a massive wave across the ceiling and along the walls above him . . . if he hadn’t already been kneeling next to me, it would’ve incinerated him . . . After it rolled past, he picked me up and got us to the doorway . . . fire was everywhere . . . above, below . . . all sides . . . it was down the hall too . . . I covered his head, because I thought if at least his head and neck were protected, he might have a chance of surviving even if the rest of him got burnt. He couldn’t see . . . I told him to take 8 of his normal steps and then take a left . . . and then he’d be the kitchen. The kitchen was on fire too, but not as bad as the rest of the place was until he broke out the window, and there was another surge of fire . . . By the time we got to the ground, the tree was up in flames too.” 

I checked my watch to see when I should put it in the fixer bath, while Sam quietly processed it. A minute later, he said, “So, I was right . . . you shouldn’t have gotten out of there, but Dean shouldn’t have either.” I didn’t know how to answer his question. I didn’t want him to start backsliding. “You had a random thought that you didn’t want Dean to get hurt or burnt or whatever, and that’s why Dean looked fine when he should be dead . . . Where the hell was God for Jess?” 

_I don’t know. It’s not like I’m BFFs with God._ “I didn’t know any of this then. If I did, I would’ve used it for her. Can I ask you a question, Sam?” 

He looked like I was pushing it by saying that, but gave me a slight nod, so I said, “Did you see me die in your vision too? Is that why you –“ 

He turned around, and left . . . Yeah, I guess I had that coming. I’d expected it before then to be honest. 

A couple hours later, I thought my two remaining rolls of film were probably dry, so I stopped reading through a book on medical physiology I’d never returned to the library and started setting up my enlarger when there was another knock on the door. _More chaos in my quiet little corner of the world._

Adjusting the enlarger to the right place, I muttered, “Yeah, come in . . . I already told you everything I know about it,” and was happy to hear Dean’s voice when the door opened. 

“I think I finally figured out why you do this. Just opening the door is making me high.” 

It wasn’t that bad. This room was ventilated, and I’d opened a bedroom window. I just didn’t want any dust getting on my film while it dried. Probably could’ve sat in my bedroom to wait, but I was happy enough in there where everything was controlled. “Do you want to see what I’m doing?” 

“Might as well . . . haven’t seen you do this yet.” I was kind of excited to show it to him. I wondered what he’d think of it. 

I had everything ready, so I went to flip out the lights and pulled the cord on my red light. “You got here for the best part . . . wanna try a photogram?” 

He smiled and shook his head. “Think I’ll just watch.” _Ok. Suit yourself._ Depending on what you used for them, photograms looked pretty cool. 

Lining up the negative of the picture I wanted, I made sure it was focused, set the aperture, and put the photo paper where it needed to be before exposing it to the light for a few seconds. As soon as the light went off, Dean said, “That’s it?” 

“Not quite.” I carried the photo paper over to the developer and said, “Watch this,” before I put it in the bath. He came over and watched over my shoulder as the picture started to appear. When he saw what it was, he went to touch it, so I put my hand over his to stop him. “Not yet.” I put it in some water to rinse . . . then it was on to the stop bath, more water, the fixer, more water, hypoclear, more water, and then I squeegeed it off and hung it up to dry. 

“Can I have this?” he asked coming around to look at it. Yeah, it was a pretty good picture of the Impala. She looked cool in black and white . . . more vintage than she already was. 

“Yeah, I have more of her around here some-“ 

Pulling me close, Dean looked down at me, while he slid his hand to the back of my head, and then silenced any questions I might’ve had at the look he’d given me with a kiss. When he pulled back a minute later and touched his forehead to mine, I asked, “Why did that feel like a good bye?” He shook his head, but didn’t say anything, so I asked him again. “Why did that feel like a good bye, Dean?” 

_Is it because of what I said to Sam? Or is there something really wrong with me? Does he not want to be with me because of that?_

He took a deep breath and said, “You didn’t do anything wrong, Beth, but I . . . “ 

_So, it was a goodbye? What?_

“I think I should go.” 

“Is it really that bad? I don’t –“ He quickly crashed his mouth over mine again to stop me from asking him anything else. 

He felt overwhelmingly sad, and like he was trying to remember everything about me . . . every time it felt like he was going to back away and leave, he’d come in for another long, slow kiss. _Don’t go. Stay and tell me whatever it is, and we’ll work it out the way we always do._

“There is no ‘we.’ Just . . . stay here with your Dad. I can’t do this anymore.” 

_What?_ He pulled away and it . . . well, I guess his look said he’d never forget me. And before I knew it, he turned around, grabbed the picture that probably wasn’t even dry, and walked out the door without looking back. _What the fuck just happened?_

I came out of my dark room when I heard the front door slam shut, because I guess until then I’d been hoping he’d change his mind and come back. When I got to my bedroom window, I was just in time to see the Impala take off without me, and I still didn’t know what was going on, but I guess he was serious, and it was over. I could go ask my Dad, but I didn’t think he’d tell me if it had anything to do with what he hadn’t wanted to say in front of me earlier. I didn’t want to see him anyway . . . I wasn’t mad at him. I just didn’t want anyone to see what this was doing to me. I didn’t even know what it was doing to me. I couldn’t breathe. It felt like the bottom had dropped out. I was free falling, and there was nothing to catch my fall. 

I wasn’t staying here. I couldn’t stay here. I needed to go . . . I don’t know how fast I was moving. It felt like I was moving in slow motion, so it must’ve been pretty fast. I wanted to get out of there before my Dad came up. I was sure he knew what happened, and I didn’t want him to see me. Grabbing my bags, I headed out the bedroom window. I didn’t know where I was going to go, but I knew what I was going to do. It was the only thing I could do, because it was the only thing I had left to keep me putting one foot in front of the other. 


	20. Implosion

“Dad, what are you doing here? Are you all right?” Good question. Why the hell was he here now? Did Beth call him? … No, he just wanted the letter from Elkins. Dean handed it over without saying anything. 

If he hadn’t said a word to Sam that wasn’t about the last couple of cases, he didn’t want to talk to his Dad. He wasn’t telling either of them why she wasn’t here. They could figure it out themselves. Any of it, none of it, he didn’t really care. All Dean really wanted to do was get this weight off his chest, and it wasn’t a weight talking would fix . . . He was wandering blind in a black hole of hopelessness. The only thing keeping him company was a grief so strong it felt like it’d rip in half and an indescribable fear. It was the fear that was getting to him the most. It wasn’t a fear of the hunt or anything like that. He had no idea where it was coming from. 

He pretended like he was listening to what his Dad and Sam were saying, but he wasn’t. He didn’t really care what the fuck they said. “Where’s Beth?” And there it was. The same fucking question Sam had asked him as soon as he got in the car without her. 

Sam glanced at Dean and said, “Uh, we left her at her Dad’s. She’s gonna stay with him for a while.” Dean tried to make whatever face he should to agree with that instead of punching Sam in the fucking face because of the way Sam wouldn’t stop looking at him. 

Dean heard his Dad say, “Could’ve used her,” and thought they could use her for all of them. His Dad and Sam had no idea how good she really was. He was the only one that got to see her at her best. She was a great hunter, partner, everything. 

_What the hell are we hunting? Vampires?_ Didn’t really matter to him. _How do you kill them? Cut their heads off? We should get on that as soon as possible._ He felt like killing something, and a vampire was as good as the next thing. Apparently, they weren’t gonna do it straight away. They were gonna follow his Dad to a motel instead. _Let’s see how long this getting-along-happy-families bullshit lasts._ Dean would’ve placed a bet on it, but there was nobody to place a bet with. 

On the way to the motel, the phone in pocket started ringing. He ignored it. “You gonna get that?” 

Dean sighed and pulled it out to have a look. Beth’s place again. He wished she’d stop   
calling. Never pegged her as the clingy type. He immediately started hating himself even more for thinking that. She wasn’t clingy. She just wanted answers. Putting the phone back in his pocket, Dean said, “We’re in the middle of a case with Dad. I’ll call her back later.” 

“You haven’t talked to her in –“

Dean looked at Sam, like Sam was crazy and said, “You think I call her when you’re around? Give it a rest, Sam. She didn’t know we found another case so soon after the last one. I’ll tell her later, and she won’t call again until it’s done.” 

He was getting rid of this phone. Then she couldn’t call him at all, and he could start trying to get over this . . . _That’ll never happen_ . . . No amount of time was gonna work. If anything it was getting worse. On the last case, he’d tried seeing if he could get over it with any of the women at a bar he went to on his own, and it’d made him feel physically sick. He’d gotten 2 words out, turned around, walked out, hit up a liquor store and found somewhere to drink where Sam wouldn’t bother him. If he’d gone through with it, it’d be like admitting it was over, and he couldn’t do it. It’d never be over for him. 

He couldn’t even flirt with any women to get information on the last case. It’d almost sent him into a panic attack. He’d never had one of those, but he was pretty sure that’s what was happening before he came up with an excuse for why Sam had to go in and do it. He’d gone to the morgue instead, and that was even worse, because that was Beth’s usual gig. 

Later that night, they were all in his Dad’s motel room waiting for anything that might tell them where the vamps were. 

“You gonna slow down on that?” 

Dean looked at his Dad and then down at the bottle of whiskey in his hand. _Hadn’t planned on it._ “It’s fine . . . comes with the job, right?” Before his Dad could say anything, they heard a call come in over the police scanner. Looked like they were finally getting the fuck out of this room that was like every other room he’d lived in his whole life. 

When they got to the scene, his Dad wanted to handle questioning the cops on his own, and Sam started bitching about it almost straight away. Dean checked his watch. Lasted longer than he’d thought it would. Sam let their Dad know he was annoyed, so to shut him up their Dad showed them a vampire fang. Couldn’t care less. 

Then his Dad was a dick to Dean about his car. _How the fuck is it that whenever Dad gets pissed at Sam, he takes it out on me? Let’s see how long it takes until they’re in each other’s faces if I sit back and do nothing._

And now Sam was being a bitch and saying he was gonna drive. _Didn’t have too much to drink. Just don’t want to deal with you and Dad’s bullshit this time . . . I’m staying out of it . . . Bet you two dickheads still find a way to drag me into it somehow._

After half an hour, Dean thought maybe he was with Sam on this one. _Where the fuck are we going?_ He automatically looked at his phone when it rang and expected it to be Beth, but it was his Dad, and it pissed him off that he’d expected it to be her, because it unleashed that fear he felt for a few brief seconds. Right now the calls kept coming, but what happened when they stopped? He may not be talking to her, but as long as he knew the interest was there . . . it wasn’t fair to want that from her, but at least if she was calling, he knew she still wanted him. How long until she moved on and found some dickhead doctor to be with? That one guy still had her number. How long until she decided to answer that guy’s calls? Maybe she’d end up with that guy, and that guy was a dick. 

Dean was already pissed off with himself and that fucking doctor, but when Sam snatched the phone out of his hand, saw that it was their Dad and answered it, he got pissed off with Sam too. Then he got even more pissed off with Sam when Sam hung up, floored it to overtake their Dad’s truck, and then slammed on the breaks to make his Dad stop. 

His baby didn’t do anything to anybody, so while his brother got to go confront their Dad, Dean stayed behind to have a word with her. “Looks like if they can’t pull me into it, they’re gonna pull you into it, baby . . . won’t let it happen again,” before he got out of the car and leaned against her with his arms crossed against his chest, so he could watch the show.

His Dad and Sam were doing all right without him. Some shouting, some shoving, some collar grabbing . . . maybe his Dad was being overly aggressive, but Sam could handle himself . . . ‘bout time he did. Dean was tired of cleaning up Sam’s messes . . . messes he apparently had to keep cleaning up if Beth’s Dad was right and Sam wasn’t out of the woods on this bullshit going dark thing. And it was bullshit. It’s part of the reason Dean had to give Beth up in addition to making sure she was safe . . . safe from him, safe from Sam, safe from the other things that were after her, just safe . . . and Sam . . . keeping Beth safe and making sure Sam didn’t go dark . . . too much for him to do both . . . well, her Dad didn’t say that, but he implied it. 

_Oh that’s just fucking awesome, Sam . . . find a way to bring me into it._ Now they were both looking at him, but at least his Dad knew Dean wasn’t too drunk for this hunt. He was gonna side with his Dad on that one. It looked like they were gonna start fighting all over again. This was a lesson in how completely unimportant he was when it came to keeping them from coming to blows. Apparently they could control that . . . just took a hell of a lot longer for them to cool off. This was taking forever, and there were people that needed saving. If it wasn’t for those people, he would’ve left them to it, but now wasn’t the time. 

Walking up to them, Dean started to pull Sam away and said, “Thought we were supposed to be saving people . . . keep it up, tough guy . . . see how many are left when you two are done.” 

That seemed to get through to Sam, or Dean thought it did until he got Sam a few feet away, and Sam dug his heels in. “You’re not going on this hunt . . . I don’t trust you to have my back.”  
Dean had given everything he had for Sam their entire lives, and Sam didn’t trust him? Wanted to use him in his argument against their Dad? “I don’t trust you to have Dad’s back, and I sure as hell don’t trust you to have yours. You can sit in the car –“ 

Dean squared up to Sam and said, “You don’t trust me? Are you fucking kidding me, Sam? Give me the fucking keys. You’re not driving my car again after what you just put her through.” Sam refused to hand them over, so Dean gave him a shove, and the next thing he knew his Dad was separating them and getting in his face. 

He didn’t feel like taking his Dad’s shit either. “You know what you can do, Dad? Get in your fucking truck, and go . . . I mean that’s what you’re good at . . . been gone all year. Take Sam with you . . . you can both fuck off . . . Just gotta get my keys first,” before he broke his Dad’s hold on the front of his jacket, side-stepped to the right, planted his left foot, and threw a right hook at Sam that connected hard. 

His Dad grabbed Dean from behind and held him back, or he would’ve hit Sam again. Then his Dad yelled at Sam, like it was Sam’s fault for a change and asked what the hell happened. That right there was worth it. 

Sam checked the drop of blood on his hand from his nose and said, “I think he and Beth broke up. He keeps getting worse,” and Dean went for him again . . . managed to get a couple of good kicks in after his Dad kept a left hook from connecting with Sam’s face. Then he was being dragged away from Sam, and his Dad told Sam he wanted her here now. Dean struggled to get out of his Dad’s hold while Sam made the call, but his Dad wasn’t gonna let him go after the last two times. 

“Dean stop . . . We’re gonna get her back, son. We’ll find a way to fix it.” His Dad hadn’t yelled it. He hadn’t even said it loud enough for Sam to hear. It took away some of Dean’s fight. 

“Can’t . . . I don’t want her here . . . can’t keep her safe. She’s safest with her Dad.” 

Keeping a firm hold on Dean, his Dad said, “You’re the one that walked away?” Dean slumped in response. “Hate to see what the one being left behind looks like.” 

_What the hell does that mean?_

Dean tried to look back at him, and his Dad said, “It was to keep her safe?” Dean nodded. “It doesn’t work that way, Dean . . . not after –“ 

“No . . . her Dad –“ 

“I know what he is, Dean . . . If you wanna keep her safe, she needs to stay with you . . . You’ve gotta trust me on that.” 

Dean tried to look back at him again. “You know he’s –“ 

“The archangel Gabriel? Yeah, I’ve known since I met him.” 

“I didn’t think they –“ 

Keeping an eye on Sam to make sure he didn’t hear anything, his Dad said, “I didn’t think they existed either . . . until he proved otherwise.” 

All Dean had wanted to do was talk to her Dad, and the next thing he knew he was on the other side of the planet. It was dark. They’d been in the middle of nowhere. He’d thought maybe her Dad was pissed for him yelling at him and was going to leave him there, but no . . . he wanted Dean to see his wings . . . They were the size of fucking mountains. Kind of important to the whole believing another archangel was responsible for what happened to her, and what they did . . . it sounded . . . looked . . . Gabriel let him see what her soul looked like to him before she met Dean and how it looked now. 

It’s why the demons were blinded when they saw her, because she was really fucking bright, and angels . . . angels saw her that way too, and they were worse than demons and a hell of a lot more powerful . . . archangels were even stronger than them . . . almost invincible . . . made the yellow-eyed demon seem like child’s play, and Dean was too weak and pathetic to take him on. 

Dean had thought only another archangel could protect her from the things that were looking for her. His Dad said she was safest with Dean . . . His Dad may not tell them everything, but he wouldn’t lie to him. If she was safest with him, then he’d messed up in a big way . . . He’d ruined things, and that fear was getting stronger by the second when he looked up and Sam . . . Sam might as well have a big, ‘It’s over,’ sign on his forehead. “Uh . . . couldn’t get through to her . . . I called her Dad. He said he hasn’t seen her. That’s why he’s been calling. Said she took off, about 5 minutes after we left. He can’t find her.” 

And then it felt like there was nothing that could stop the free fall Dean went into when he realized that meant she hadn’t been the one calling . . . not even once, and now she was out there somewhere on her own, without her Dad or him, and he had no idea how to find her . . . She’d be harder to find than his Dad had been, and the only reason they found his Dad was because his Dad found them first . . . and the angels that had tortured her . . . her Dad said they were still looking for her . . . and the yellow-eyed demon was looking for her too because of some prophecies. _I need to find her . . . why won’t my feet move?_

Dean didn’t know how he got back to the motel. The whiskey must’ve finally kicked in, and now it was wearing off, so all he knew was that he was there now, and he was there alone . . . His Dad and Sam must’ve gone on the hunt without him. He was useless for them and useless for her. He went straight for what was left of the whiskey to try and numb the feeling in his chest. It didn’t work. He needed more. 

He didn’t know how long he was passed out with what was left of the second bottle, but the next thing Dean knew it was dark again and Sam was annoying him. He went to bring the bottle to his lips, and Sam took it away from him. He had no idea what Sam was saying to him, but he wanted that bottle. Didn’t matter what he did, he wasn’t fast enough to get it back. Somehow he found himself in the bathtub with fucking cold water spraying down on him, and Sam saying, “Are you gonna listen to me now?” 

Dean spat out the water and wiped his hand down his face. “What?” 

Turning the off the water, Sam sat on the edge of the tub and said, “Beth was there . . . Dad is pissed.” 

He gave Sam a double take and said, “What?” _Why the hell does Sam look so happy? Is it because she pissed Dad off?_

“Beth was there . . . She’s a lot better than I ever thought she was . . . l think I know how she got there, because she wasn’t there one second and was the next, but I have no idea how she knew they were vampires when she got there or what she used or how she knew to use it to start taking them out with her crossbow either . . . I think Dad knows, but I’m not asking him right now. You should’ve seen it. Dad was impressed with her right up until she took the head off the last vamp she shot, grabbed the gun Dad wanted out of its waistband and took off out of a window while she shouted something about beating him to the finish line and there being a reason for it. My favorite part was when she said, ‘Use your head next time, John.’ Dad’s face was priceless, and then we couldn’t find her anywhere after that, so I think she used the same thing she did to get there . . . that God thing.” 

_I missed my fucking chance._ “What gun?” 

Sam shook his head, like Dean should know this, and handed him a towel. “The gun that was supposed to be in Elkins’ safe. It’s a gun that can kill anything. He had it, and the vampires took it without knowing what it was. It’s what Dad’s been looking for all this time. He said that demon-killing blade . . . while it’ll stand up against almost any other demon, it won’t kill the yellow-eyed demon.” 

_Why is Sam here?_ “You need me to help you find her, so you can get that gun back and kill it yourself? That’s why you’re here, right?” 

“Come on, Dean . . . if anyone should –“ 

Climbing out of the tub, Dean said, “What does it matter who kills it as long as it’s dead. She’ll get the job done . . . wasn’t God that got her in and out of there. It was all Beth. She’s just that good.” 

Sam shook his head. “I don’t know Dean. I don’t think anyone is that good. She just vanished . . . same way she appeared out of nowhere.“ 

It pissed Dean off, because she was that good. She was better solo or as part of a 2-person team than a 3 or 4 person team, and she’d gone into this solo. He’d seen her at her best a lot over the years, so he defended her by putting together a scenario of what probably happened. He’d put it at 100% but some of the details might’ve been off, so he was going with 98%, because the details that were off weren’t the ones that mattered. 

“I’m guessing she went on a solo hunt after we left, so she could get some practice in, and then she asked God for something to kill that yellow-eyed son of a bitch after I took off with the demon killing knife. She was wherever she asked one second and standing outside of Elkin’s house or even his safe the next . . . She didn’t need to know what he had, just that he had something in his safe she needed, and it was obvious he was a hunter, so she needed to haul ass to get out of there before he found her. She probably tailed him to get his daily schedule down . . . knew he went to that bar all the time . . . She timed how long he was there so she could break in and get it, but she needed to make sure there were no changes to his routine on certain days . . . a week would’ve done it . . . The night he died, he switched up his pattern . . . guessing she got back to his place in time to see the vampires leaving and knew he was already dead. She followed the vampires back to wherever you and Dad went . . . kept her distance, and then came back to Elkin’s place to get a look at the body to figure out what they were. He was a recluse. She hates the idea of someone like that dying alone and nobody knowing about it. She’s the one that put the call in to the cops that let them know he was dead . . . Should’ve taken a hell of a lot longer for them to find him than it did . . . While she was there, she saw that what was in the safe was gone and knew the vampires had it . . . probably thought she’d grab it after she researched what they were and killed them . . . She was definitely in town before us . . . definitely wherever the vamps were before you and Dad got there too . . . Probably stayed near there after –“ 

Sam stopped him by saying, “They would’ve picked up her scent there’s no way –“

“You think she wouldn’t have found a way around that? When did you see her? My guess is after you or Dad did something that would’ve made it a hell of a lot harder for you and Dad to walk out of there.” Dean paused to look at Sam. Yeah, Sam screwed something up, so Dean said, “That’s why you saw her when you did. She went being there to save the people the vamps took last night to –“ 

“There were other people there. If she –“

“The first people she saw being brought in there were the ones taken last night . . . I said she’s only been here for a week . . . a lot of that was spent suveilling Elkins and researching what the monsters were. She went in today to save the people she saw taken last night . . . if there were more, she would’ve saved them too, but it went from being a rescue mission for them to being a rescue mission for you and Dad, because you two walked in there unprepared, because you were blinded by the gun . . . I’m guessing that’s why she told Dad to use his head next time and why she made a point of grabbing the gun right in front of him. You two went in there for the gun first and the people second.” Sam was going to deny it, so Dean waved off whatever Sam was going to say while he left the bathroom. 

Sam sighed and followed him into the other room. “I’ll let Dad know. He sent me in to get you . . . We need to find her.” 

_Good luck with that._ They wouldn’t get another chance, and now Dean mostly just wanted her to kill the demon before his Dad and Sam had a chance to do it, because it was something his Dad had ruined their lives trying to kill and Sam . . . neither one of them should get the kill . . . for what? Mom? Jess? His Dad and Sam had fucked over the memories of both women with their obsession for revenge. Dean never really saw it when Sam was younger, but Beth was right. Sam and his Dad were exactly the same. Same mentality . . . same obsessive drive and belief they were right . . . same selfish bastards that didn’t care about anyone but themselves. 

Dean gave Sam a warning look when Sam went to grab the bottle back from him before he tipped it back and drained the rest. Looking at the empty bottle in his hand, Dean decided he needed more, but Sam stepped in front of him to block his exit. “Dad might’ve been impressed with how Beth handled herself, but after she left, he said he knows the look . . . said she’s got nothing left to lose . . . She’s on a suicide mission, Dean. I don’t know what happened between you two, but we need to find her.” 

Beth wasn’t on a suicide mission. She was keeping half a step in front of those memories she couldn’t remember, and she didn’t have anyone there to keep her in check. If they really thought she was on a suicide mission, they didn’t want to find her for her . . . they wanted to find her before she died and lost the gun. They thought they could use him to help them find it . . . and he’d already given them way too much. He wasn’t giving them anymore. Now he just wanted to make them go, so he could track her down himself and help her take out the yellow-eyed demon before they did. They’d find a way to sacrifice their lives for this. Going into a den of vampires unprepared proved how much it blinded them. 

“You check the rooms on either side of us? Probably left a note for Dad. You, Dad, the monsters and demons . . . all of you have always underestimated her . . . You’re about to find out how much,” Dean said while he dropped the empty bottle in the trashcan on his way out out the door. He didn’t do what Sam expected, which was to go to one of the rooms next to theirs. Instead, he walked across the motel parking lot towards the liquor store across the street. His Dad sure knew how to pick a good spot. He’d give him that much. 

When Dean got back to the motel, Sam was back with a note from Beth for their Dad. Their Dad still wasn’t there, and his truck wasn’t in the parking lot. Guess he was out looking for her. He wouldn’t find her. Dean went back to his bed, twisted the cap off and started drinking straight from the bottle, and yelled, “What the hell is wrong with you?” 

_Me? Nothing. I’m just gonna drink this bottle until it knocks me out. Maybe Sam and Dad will be gone by the time I wake up._ Dean held onto the bottle tighter when it looked like Sam was gonna go for it again, so Sam gave him a bitch face and stormed out of the room. “You’re not gonna find her without me, Sam . . . only way you will is if she comes back, and she won’t . . . 50/50 went out the window when I ended it . . . Might as well give it up.” Sam may not have heard him, but that pretty much summed it up. 

The next thing Dean knew, he was being violently dragged towards the motel bathroom and thrown into another cold fucking shower. “Your family needs you, and you’re –“ 

Dean cut his Dad off with a laugh. “You need the gun, and Beth’s got it . . . For the record, I’m routing for her to finish it first . . . if she hasn’t alre-“ 

He found himself being held under the water until he couldn’t feel anything but the freezing cold and the struggle to breathe before he was pulled out and slammed back against the shower wall. “Thought you left to keep her safe. If she finds him on her own, she’s dead. You need to get your head together and help us -” 

_Nah, she’s survived a lot worse than the yellow-eyed demon . . . survived the yellow-eyed demon too._

He didn’t get to say that though, or maybe he had said it, because he was back under the water before he knew it, and this time he didn’t get pulled out until Sam pulled his Dad away from him. “Should’ve let him finish it, Sammy . . . make your life a hell of a lot easier if he had . . . not supposed to call you Sammy anymore though . . . it’s Sam now, right?” Dean coughed out, as he clambered out of the tub on his way to the other room for what was left of his bottle while his Dad and brother watched him. Sam followed him saying something . . . blah, blah, blah is all Dean heard, and then Sam grabbed the bottle out of his hand and threw it. 

Dean watched the amber liquid drip down the wall. _I’ll just go buy more, or I will as soon as Sam gets out of my way._ “Get out of the way, Sam.” 

Dean went to go around Sam, and Sam shoved him back before giving him a solid punch to the jaw. Dean landed hard on the ground. Didn’t hurt . . . whiskey took care of that. Dean could taste the blood in his mouth and laughed. “If you don’t mind . . . I’m busy . . . gotta whole lot of plans I need to –“ 

Sam grabbed him by the collar and said, “What plans are those, Dean? You gonna drink yourself to death?” 

Didn’t sound like a bad idea . . . he could go out like Bon Scott instead of bloody, like a hunter. He must’ve said that out loud, because the next few punches Sam threw came out of nowhere. Hurt a little more. Maybe water boarding and getting his ass kicked was the way to go . . . mix that with the whiskey, and he was sorted. He must’ve said that too, because Sam hit him again and said, “If that’s what you want . . . fine . . . but just so you know . . . when I find Beth, I’m –“ 

Dean slurred out, “You’re gonna try to kill her again? Stay away from her . . . I don’t want you anywhere near –“ 

Sam pulled him up by the collar and said, “I’m sorry . . . all right. It was wrong . . . I never should’ve done it. But no . . . when I find her –“ 

“You’re sorry? That’s supposed to make it all better? Only reason you’re saying that now is to get what you want . . . Well, you know what? You’re not gonna find her, Sam . . . She’s gone . . . more gone that Dad was . . . and she’s not coming back.” 

Sam thought of something and said, “Then how do we know where she’s going?” They had no idea where she was going, or they wouldn’t be here, so Dean shook his head and Sam said, “She’s going after the yellow-eyed demon . . . Dad knows where it’s going to be. He can track it. Salvation, Iowa. That’s where it’ll be next.” 

Dean sighed and shook his head again. “Demon won’t be there . . . don’t know how Dad’s tracking it, but I guarantee you she’s gonna summon it before it has the chance to get there . . . She’ll trap it . . . Kill it . . . It’ll be over before it knows what hit it.” 

“I don’t think so . . . no place for her to summon it, right?” 

There were lots of places she could summon it . . . She’d go for somewhere with meaning . . . “One of four places . . . but there’s only one she’d use . . . she’d think it was funny if she set a trap for it where it set a trap for us . . . where –“ 

The next thing Dean knew he was being dropped, and Sam was grabbing his coat. “Come on . . . I know where she’s going.” 

His Dad came to pick Dean up off the ground before grabbing Dean’s bags and leading him out to the truck. After stuffing Dean into the passenger side, his Dad went around and climbed in the driver’s seat, and said, “I fucked up didn’t I? I ruined her plan.” 

His Dad didn’t look like he was going to say anything while he took off after Sam, but eventually did. “First thing you’ve done right in weeks from the sounds of things.” Sending his Dad and Sam on a wild goose chase? Yeah, it was. Now he just needed to find a way to give them the slip, so he could go where she was really going to summon it. 

His Dad and Sam had a direction they’d buy, and they wouldn’t stop to come find him after he was gone because of the way nothing else but killing that demon mattered to them . . . She did need back up, but not from them if they were only there for a gun or wanted to get in the way of what she was trying to do so they could be the ones to pull the trigger. If she weren’t taking this seriously, she’d go to Chicago for the joke. She was taking it seriously, so there was really only one place she’d go to summon it.


	21. Drunken Apologies

I knocked on the door and waited for my moment. As soon as the door opened, Missouri said, “Don’t even think about –“ 

I threw some salted holy water in her face, and she gave me a look, while I cheerfully said, “Better safe than sorry, right? You would’ve given out to me if I hadn’t done it.” 

Sighing, she opened the door further and looked up at the ceiling as I crossed over the threshold. “Could’ve just gone with my test. Save me the trouble of getting soaked.” 

I looked up and saw the devil’s trap above me. _Oh._ “I would’ve had to enter the house first to inspect it and make sure there weren’t any breaks I couldn’t see from out there, and then you could’ve had me where you wanted me . . . if you were possessed,” I answered while checking to make sure it didn’t have any breaks. It was perfect. 

Missouri shook her head before saying, “Well, I guess I did tell you to practice more . . . didn’t think you’d go lone wolf.” 

That wasn’t really by choice . . . well, it was. I wasn’t bringing Sam or John into it.  
Ignoring what she’d said, I looked around her house. “I see you’ve upped your home security since we were here.” There were wards I didn’t recognize painted on the walls. 

“Mm hmm . . . cut way down on my business for the time being too. Why are you here, Beth?” 

I glanced at her and said, “You know why I’m here. You’ve got that . . . ‘I know what’s going on in the third person’ gift too.” 

She rolled her eyes before she looked out the door and said, “Well, go get ‘em . . . I ain’t got all day.” 

This was going to take a little more than a day for me to get right, but maybe she meant she didn’t have – 

“I have no idea what you’re thinking, but I’m guessing you’re being too literal . . . hurry up . . . They can stay as long as you need.” 

“Thank you, Missouri.” I turned and went back down the steps wondering if she was annoyed because of the trouble I was potentially bringing her way. Did that mean she knew something I should know or something I shouldn’t know if it was going to be distracting. She knew I was coming, and she’d stayed. Maybe it wasn’t anything to worry about. Maybe she was just worried about me doing this solo. She had mentioned the lone wolf thing. Maybe she was annoyed because she couldn’t read my mind without Dean being here, or maybe she was annoyed because I was dropping 2 people who needed her help off at her house. 

Leaning in the car window, I said, “She said you guys can stay. Just remember what I said, she can read your minds, and she likes to let you know she can, but she’s not a demon. She’s just a psychic, and if you’re with her, you’ll be safer than anywhere else I know, because she’ll know what’s coming before it happens. Just do everything she says, and you’ll be fine.” 

Cheryl crossed her arms and pouted, like a petulant child in the passenger seat of my stolen car, while Paige got out of the back. _Well, now I know Paige isn’t a demon._ I’d put a devil’s trap up inside the car in the event I needed to trap something, but Cheryl wasn’t possessed, or I didn’t think she was. She was just being stubborn. She would’ve slit my throat at some point along the way if she were a demon. 

“No . . . either call Dean and let him know where you are, or I’m coming with you.” 

She’d been saying the same thing since I met up with them in Vegas. I should’ve never told them Dean wasn’t coming. I didn’t tell her why he wasn’t coming, but I shouldn’t have even said that much. My stupid big mouth just didn’t know when to shut the hell up sometimes. “I’ll be fine. It’s my job, right? I wouldn’t throw a temper tantrum if you were about to go into surgery and wouldn’t bring me along,”

That earned me a sharp glare. “That is complete bullshit, Beth . . . You know as well as I do that me going into surgery is not a life and death situation for me. I saw what happened to you the last time you had a run in with this thing, and the only reason you’re standing here now is because Dean was there.” 

“I’m prepared this time, and . . . think of me as the anesthesiologist . . . I’m the one in charge of the operation, and if I say you have to close up early, you have to do it . . . So, close up, and get out of the damn car.” 

Paige leaned her head in the window next to Cheryl and said, “You’re going about this all wrong, Cheryl . . . Wait until she leaves and then call Dean,” before throwing me a look. 

Cheryl shook her head. “We have no idea where she’s going after this. She hasn’t told us a damn thing. I’m not leaving.” 

_Time for a different tactic._ “I can’t do what I need to do if I have to worry about you. That’s –“ 

“No, you mean you can’t be as reckless as you need to be. I’ve seen what happens when you’re like that too . . . what you let that monster to do to you . . . that’s what you do when you’re on your own, or that’s what I think . . . I think that’s why Dean goes everywhere with you.” 

“You’re just now getting pissed off with me for that?” 

Paige looked at me and said, “We’ve had a lot of time to think about it . . . the way Dean acted . . . that wasn’t the first time you’ve done something like that. He was too blasé about your role in it. The only thing that pissed him off was that Sam didn’t tell him where you were, so he could get there faster . . . and now you’ve given him the slip, so you can -” 

“Honey, she hasn’t given him the slip. They’ve parted ways.” I took a deep breath and looked back at Missouri, and she smirked. “What? I may not be able to read your mind, but like you said, I have my other gifts too.” 

_Psychics can be assholes when they want to be._ Now I didn’t want to see Paige or Cheryl, the same way I didn’t want to see my Dad. Stupid looks on their faces . . . full of . . . surprise and . . . pity. Fuck that. I reached in through the window, popped the trunk, and went around to the back of the car, so I could grab their bags and toss them on Missouri’s lawn while I surreptitiously slung my bags over my shoulder. Getting Paige and Cheryl to safety had been my top priority, and now they were safe. Missouri could take it from here. I had things to get now and a trap to set. 

Leaving the trunk open, so they couldn’t see me walk away, I headed for the second house on my left. The trunk lid kept me in their blind spots, so they wouldn’t know which way I went. What Missouri had said might’ve been bitchy, but I think she was distracting them for me, because I heard her say, “Oh, no . . . you’ve got that part right. She’s as reckless as they come, and this will make her worse . . . No, he did . . . wanted to keep her safe . . . I don’t know why . . . I can’t read her mind to find out . . . because she’s special . . . “

By the time I slipped around the side of the house, they still weren’t done with their little gossip session, so I zigged and zagged my way around the neighborhood until I got into a good position wait. I wasn’t going anywhere until I saw them go into Missouri’s house with her. I wouldn’t be coming back here. I didn’t want anything following me back to them, and Missouri would know when it was over, or I hoped so. Cheryl had people out there that needed her help as a surgeon. She couldn’t stay here with Missouri forever, and Paige needed to get back out there and make people happy with her food. I suspected Missouri would be eating well tonight. Paige always felt like cooking when she was stressed. 

Way to kill Azazel, check. Friends that have already been threatened now safe, check. Now I just needed to find another car that I could demon proof with the wards I got off of Bobby when I called him about the vampires. 

He didn’t know me, but I told him my name and said that Dean and I had come across some monsters that killed Daniel Elkins, but we didn’t know what they were. Dropping Dean’s name seemed to be enough for him, and he’d heard of me, so after I described the monsters, he told me everything I needed to know about vampires, like the thing about dead man’s blood and how to mask my scent. Then I told him we’d been running into more and more demons, and he’d said he’d heard the same thing from other hunters out there and told me what books I could use to find wards against them the same way he told Dean about the Lesser Key of Solomon for the devil’s traps we put up at Paige and Cheryl’s places. A quick search online told me where I could find the books between Colorado and Nevada, so I stole them from 2 different collections and was ready by the time I picked them up at their hideout in Las Vegas.

After I left Cheryl and Paige, it took me the better part of a day to get everything together and be where I needed to be. Once I was there, I had to wait until it got bright again to set it up, so I decided to take a nap in my third stolen vehicle. I hated to wait, but I wanted to do this right, and I had time on my side. Nothing and nobody should’ve known where I was. Or that’s what I thought until my passenger side door opened mid-nap. 

I might sleep like one of the dead most of the time, but I was alert to my surroundings and prepared for just about anything now that I was on my own. Cocking the 6-shooter hidden under my arm, I kept it aimed at a sunglasses sporting Dean as I made a hasty exit out of the truck.

“Get out of the truck.”

“Whoa . . . it’s just me.” 

I shook my head and said, “Get out of the truck.” 

He was a little taken aback by my reaction, opened his truck door, and stepped back out. I relaxed a little and un-cocked the gun. It looked like he was just going to head off . . . guess it wasn’t the warmest of welcomes, and now that I thought about it, I had wards up, so he wouldn’t have been able to get in if he were possessed. I hadn’t needed to do what I did at all.

A few minutes later, my passenger side door opened, and he climbed back into the truck saying, “You need back up . . . I shouldn’t have been able to sneak up on you like that. After it’s dead, and I’m sure nothing else is after you, I’ll go, but I’m not leaving until it’s over.” 

Looking up, I flipped on the overhead lights to show him the devil’s trap on the ceiling and said, “I didn’t tell you to go. I said get out of the truck,” before I turned the lights off and reclined back in the seat. 

He sighed and said, “If a demon’s this close, it’s too close.” 

“It is if I stay in the cab. That’s why I got out . . . and I have wards up, so a demon can’t get in . . . just forgot about them.” 

He looked like he wanted to say something to that, but instead decided to take a really long drink from a bottle I just noticed he had. A minute later he said, “You didn’t tell me not to go.” No, I guess I hadn’t. I wasn’t really expecting him. 

When he looked at me that time, I finally saw the mess his face was in and sat up, so I could flip on the lights again and get a better look. He had a split lip and a few other scrapes and half his face that wasn’t covered up by his sunglasses was bruised badly. Out of habit I went to reach over and remove his sunglasses to see what they were hiding until I realized I shouldn’t be doing that and stopped myself. 

Dropping my hand, I looked down and asked, “What happened?” 

Dean pointed at his face. “What? This? Not much to tell.” He didn’t have to tell me if he didn’t want to tell me. I guess I wasn’t privy to that sort of information anymore. Just having him there made me feel worse, and I needed to work past it for however long he was staying. 

_Why is he even here? I don’t need a partner this time._ I indicated towards his sunglasses and said, “Is it all right if I have a look? I wanna see what kind of damage –“ 

“It’s fine.” 

“Then you can go, or I’ll take off and do this somewhere else. I need to see how limited you are. If you can’t even let me see that then how –“ 

I took a deep breath when he took the shades off. That was some shiner. I’d suspected it would be bad, or he wouldn’t have been wearing sunglasses at night. He’d wanted to hide it from me. It limited his visibility as far as shooting went, and based on the bloodshot eye that wasn’t swollen shut, he was a lot drunker than I was expecting even though I could smell the whiskey on him. He was always good at holding his alcohol, so I wasn’t surprised to see him functioning as well as he was when the same amount would have laid anyone else out. 

I reached for my first aid kit on the floor near his feet, and he said, “You don’t have to -“ 

“Yeah, I do . . . need you on top form if you really want to stay.” I pulled out a cold pack and a few other things to put over the bad cut that was near his swollen eye . . . the cut looked a few days old, but he hadn’t taken care of it . . . I didn’t know how long the bruises had been there, but they were black, so I was going with the same amount of time the cut had been there. I didn’t know what the fuck happened to him, but he’d taken at least one beating. 

“Come here . . . This might sting . . . or not . . . might have already found a way to anesthetize it on your own.” He leaned closer without any complaints or hesitation. He hated letting anyone take care of things like this for him, so I was a little surprised I didn’t get more resistance from him than that. The only other time he let me take care of him was when he was dying. 

I watched what my hands were doing to make sure I was as gentle as possible, and he said, “I don’t know what you’re thinking.” 

When I glanced at him, he went from watching me to averting his gaze. “I don’t know what you’re feeling, so it’s even.” 

After I finished cleaning the cut and a few other scrapes, I really didn’t expect him to say, “Still 50/50?” 

_I wish he hadn’t said that. How am I supposed to respond to it? What is he doing here?_ It made me stop breathing for longer than I care to admit. To try and hide it, I looked down and snapped the cold pack in my hands before gently placing it over his eye. Taking his left hand, I placed it over the ice pack, so he could hold it in place, and then grabbed his whiskey and flipped off the overhead light, while I sat back in my seat. 

He went to take the whiskey back until he realized I was going to drink about 5 shots worth. When I was done, I handed it back to him, and he just stared at the bottle for a few seconds. “First person that’s done that.” 

“First person that’s done what?” 

He glanced at me and ran his tongue over the split in his lip before he said, “That didn’t just want to take it.” 

Yeah, well . . . I hadn’t touched a drop in a while, so I didn’t need any more than that. Should get me through sitting in the truck with him for a couple of hours. I pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one while I rolled down the window and said, “I don’t know what bums you’ve run into, but I wouldn’t steal it all. It’s yours.” 

He exhaled a laugh before he gave me a sad look and elaborated. “No, I mean that thought I wasn’t completely useless with it.” 

I glanced at the bottle and shook my head before I looked at him. “Drunk or sober, you’ll never be useless.”

He looked away before he looked at the Colt in my lap and asked, “Is that it?” 

_Is that why he’s here?_

I automatically put my hand on the Colt and simultaneously went to grab for his bottle again, but he pulled his bottle away and said, “Let me see it first.” 

I dropped my hand and looked down at the gun. “No . . . I think you should go. Tell John nice try, but –“ 

“Dad doesn’t know I’m here . . . neither does Sam. I sent them to Chicago. I just wanna see it. I’ll give it right back.” 

_Yeah, right. If I give him this gun, he’ll take it and be out that door before I can stop him._

I should’ve wanted that . . . if that’s what he wanted, I should’ve given it to him . . . his family had more right to it than I did, but I couldn’t do it. I already felt like an idiot for believing in him or us. If I let him con me out of the Colt, it’d be worse. I couldn’t get rid of the one thing I had that motivated me to keep moving when he left again, so I looked down at the Colt and shook my head. 

“You don’t trust me?” I glanced at him, and he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking out the windshield. He looked angry before he tipped the bottle back and finished of the rest. Guess I wasn’t getting anymore now. He seemed disappointed that it was empty and said, “I’d go get more, but you’d just leave without me cuz you think the Colt is why I’m here, right?” 

He must’ve wanted an answer, because he looked at me, and I didn’t know what I’d do if he left to get another bottle, but what he’d said sounded about right, so I shrugged slightly and was a little surprised when he took it out on the dashboard in front of him with a few swift punches before he sat forward and put his head in his hands. 

I didn’t know what to say or where to look. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was supposed to do in that situation. Eventually he said, “I know I fucked this up . . . and now I don’t know how to get it back . . . Tell me what I need to do to get it back.” 

_I don’t know._ He was drunk, like half a shot away from blacking out drunk. He wasn’t in his right mind. I couldn’t trust him to really mean anything he said. I pulled out another cigarette, because I was on at least a pack a day these days and well, it looked like I’d be on more than that as long as he was here, except I couldn’t light it. My stupid hands couldn’t get the lighter to work. _What the fuck is wrong with me? I need to get it together._

I didn’t say anything, so he did. “I need you to feel what I’m feeling. That’s the only way you’ll believe me . . . I need you to trust me . . . We can’t even be partners if you don’t trust me . . . If there’s not a chance of at least that . . . I’ll go, and you won’t see me again.” 

He looked at me for the first time since his melt down, and I didn’t want him looking at me either. _Just go . . . I don’t want anyone to see how deep this goes . . . how pathetic I am . . . Why won’t this fucking lighter work? Stupid fucking lighter. Stupid fucking hands._

I thought he was half a second away from opening the door and walking out for good, but the next thing I knew he somehow found a way to climb over into my seat. It’s not something he would’ve done if he was sober. Briefly, I thought that he was trying to steal my stolen truck, but that thought was quickly lost, because it almost physically hurt to touch him. He was too close. “I need you to feel what I’m feeling, Beth . . . I need you to know.” I went to get out of the truck, and he pulled me back onto his lap before he closed the door and said, “I won’t leave again . . . that’s why you don’t trust me, right? If you know how I’m feeling, you’ll know I won’t.” 

I didn’t want to do that. I needed some space, so I could breathe. “I can’t.” 

He made it worse by wrapping his arms around me, and then he said, “All right . . . you don’t have to . . . I just thought . . . I’m sorry. I won’t leave again . . . I know I said that before . . . and I did, so there’s no reason for you to believe me, but I promise I won’t . . . You can handle this however you want . . . I’ll take whatever you want to dish out, but I’m not going anywhere . . . I know I just said I was, but I won’t . . . I’m an idiot . . . I didn’t mean it. Soon as I got in the truck, I wasn’t leaving again.” 

_What does he want? Not me. He already made it pretty clear what he thought about being with me. This is nothing more than a 10-year old habit he can’t break._

I didn’t say anything, and he loosened his hold a little. I grabbed what I needed from my first aid kit on the floor and handed him some pain relievers and a bottle of holy water over my shoulder while I said, “Take these and get some sleep. You’ll need them if your hangover is going to be as bad as I think it will. I’ll wake you up when it’s time to set things up.” Picking up the cold back he’d dropped in the other seat, I handed it to him that too and added, “Keep this on your eye. Need you to have both,” before I climbed off of him and moved over to the passenger seat. It wasn’t what he was hoping for . . . I could see that, but he took a deep breath and nodded before he took a couple of pills, downed the water, grabbed his sunglasses, and used them to keep the cold pack in place before he laid back and didn’t take that long to fall asleep or pass out, whichever one it was.


	22. Party Crashers

Dean felt like his head was in a vice even with the painkillers and water Beth kept pumping into him. He was considering sneaking off and getting another hair of the dog remedy that’d been keeping him going the last however many weeks, but he had a job to do. They were setting up a perimeter for this whole block, and Beth trusted him to do it while she was on the other side of the block. It wasn’t much in the way of giving him her trust . . . well, it was, because if he got this wrong, they’d both be dead, but it wasn’t the kind of trust he wanted. 

At the very least, he needed to be her hunting partner full-time again after this . . . what Sam said about this being a suicide mission for her was wrong, but she was living for this hunt at the moment, and she hadn’t planned on what to do after she killed the yellow-eyed demon. This hunt wouldn’t get her, but the next one would. 

There was a moment last night when she couldn’t light her cigarette that he’d wanted to hold her and take care of her and fix what was upsetting her, because in that moment, she had looked frail and sad and lost . . . but he’d lost the right to do any of those things for her. He’d really hurt her, and maybe he’d mostly been thinking about what this was doing to him until he saw her again, but now he was worried about what it was doing to her . . . . Probably wasn’t the best time for them to be doing the biggest hunt they’d ever done . . . at least not together. He had faith in her . . . that she could do this, but with him here . . . that was a different story . . . He’d told her he wouldn’t leave again, and he wouldn’t . . . He just needed to focus on the job, not let her down, and make sure she came out of it, so he had a chance to make it up to her somehow.

They were dressed in utility worker uniforms and digging postholes, so they could put up the telephone poles she had. They weren’t hooking the poles to a power source. They were gonna be connecting them with telephone wire to make a giant devil’s trap with his old house in the dead center of it. He didn’t even know if something like this would work. Maybe it would after she got the symbols that went along with the trap etched into the wires. 

It was high above the ground so demons wouldn’t suspect what it was and should walk right into it. If demons couldn’t break a devil’s trap once they were in them by scratching through the painted lines on a floor or ceiling, they shouldn’t be able to knock the telephone poles down. If she put the new wards she had up, they shouldn’t be able to touch the poles from the outside. If she summoned the yellow-eyed demon inside a normal devil’s trap in the house, they would be able to lock it down to the house . . . if the yellow-eyed demon got out of the trap in the house for whatever reason or came early before they could summon it, it wasn’t leaving the block. The telephone poles acted like a back up plan, and would give Dean or Beth a chance to track it down and take it out if anything went wrong with plan A. 

The more Dean thought about it, the more he thought this would work, and then it’d finally be over. His Dad and Sam should be here for something like that, but then they were so blinded by needing to see this thing dead that it was safer for them to be in Chicago. He didn’t want either one of them sacrificing themselves for this thing if something went wrong.

_Fuck._ He felt light headed as the cold sweats came on again and needed to take a breather or risk passing out. _This sucks._ He held his hands out in front of him. They were shaking and looked really pale. _I’m better than this._

She was gonna beat him on getting her poles done, because he kept having to stop. He should’ve tried to sober up on the way here. If she saw him shaking like this or found him passed out, she was gonna make him go sleep it off in the utility truck she’d boosted. He needed some food, and he was sick of feeling like crap, so he was gonna pick up a 6-pack while he was at it. Not wanting her to come looking for him, see he was gone, and think he’d done a runner, Dean walked to the other side of the block, so he could tell her what he was doing. 

As soon as he said he was going to get food, Beth pulled something out of her weapons bag on the ground and tossed it to him. “Where the hell did you get this?” 

He’d sounded more annoyed than he’d meant to sound. Maybe the food run was more about the 6-pack than the food. “I got it last night before I got here.” 

That’s all she said before she turned around and went back to working on her 4th post. She was nearly done with it. He looked at the Kansas barbecue pulled pork sandwich. Cold was almost as good as hot, so that wasn’t an excuse for him to turn it down. He had to come up with another reason to get out of here, because he needed at least one beer. “You get anything to wash it down –“ 

Beth reached into her bag again, pulled out a thermos, and tossed it in his direction. When he opened it . . . black coffee. Maybe it was an Irish coffee? He tried it. Nope. Coffee was almost hot . . . He checked his watch. They hadn’t been at this nearly as long as he’d thought. She must’ve left to get him coffee just before she woke him up. She came back. That was something. “What about you? You –“ 

“I’m not hungry. I want to get this finished first.” 

He’d thought she wasn’t in any real hurry with it. “Why the sudden rush?” 

Beth glanced back at him over her shoulder and said, “People. All kinds of people keep calling, and it’s only a matter of time until they get in the way.” Dean asked what she was talking about, so she said, “Cheryl, Paige, Sam . . . they all keep calling. It’s like they’re taking turns. I think they’re colluding. I think Cheryl and Paige tried to call you after I dropped them off, and when you wouldn’t answer, I think they called Sam. They’re all just going to come in with their own ideas on how things should be done, especially if your Dad is with Sam, and I don’t wanna deal with that. I don’t wanna deal with Sam sending Cheryl and Paige here to get them to stall me if he figures out where I am. It’s been non-stop for the last hour.” 

He asked to see her phone. 27 missed calls in an hour . . . did seem like there was something going on there. “You think of calling them back?” 

She glanced at him before she turned around and started dragging the telephone pole towards the hole she’d dug. “No. I don’t wanna see them, and I don’t wanna talk to them.” 

Okay, but maybe something was wrong and they needed help. “Mind if I . . .“ 

She took her frustrations out on the pole and said, “Go ahead . . . They’re just being pains in the ass and trying to run down the clock.” 

He went through her missed calls, and Cheryl and Paige had called at least 50 times between the two of them in the last two days. He wasn’t ready to talk to Sam, so he scrolled down to Cheryl’s number. 

_”Where are you? How could you just take us to some stranger’s house and ditch us like –“_

Dean held the phone away from his ear, because she was too fucking loud, and Beth was right. This wasn’t an emergency. He watched Beth having a personal war with the telephone pole and waited until there was a pause in the bitching on the other end of the line before he said, “Beth’s busy with something . . . what’d you need, Cheryl?” 

_”Dean?”_

“Uh, yeah . . . what –“ 

_”What the hell are you doing there? I thought you broke things off. I don’t think –“_

Dean held the phone away from his ear and looked at Beth. “What’d you tell her?” 

Beth finally triumphed over the pole and held onto it while she kicked dirt in around the bottom to fill the hole and said, “Just that I was going after the yellow-eyed demon on my own . . . Missouri was an asshole and told them you and I parted ways, but I guess them gossiping about it bought me time to get away. Cheryl kept saying I either had to call you or she was coming with me before that.” 

Dropping them off with Missouri wasn’t a bad idea. Missouri would be able to get them somewhere safe if she knew something was coming for them in advance, and they weren’t far from here, so Beth could’ve gotten to them fast if she needed to for whatever reason. He listened for a few seconds, and Cheryl was still bitching at him, so he put his hand over the receiver and asked Beth if Missouri’s place was secure. 

“Early warning system in place with Missouri, she’s got a devil’s trap up at least at the front door, but I’m guessing there’s one up at the back too . . . she has wards I’ve never seen painted up on the walls and salt lines down around all the windows.” 

Sounded secure. Dean put the phone back up to his ear . . . 

_”And I don’t think a drunk is –“_

It looked like Beth was right about them talking to Sam too. _Fuck._ He didn’t know what Sam would do to have his shot with The Demon. Maybe Beth was right about Sam sending them this way. 

“I don’t know what Sam told you, Cheryl, but stay where you are. It’s the only safe place for you.” 

There was silence, and then, _“Sam? What makes you think –“_

Dean cut her off while he looked up and down the block. “Cut the crap, Cheryl. If you’re already on your way here, go back to . . . I can fucking see you.” He hung up and told Beth to keep working. He’d deal with it. 

“They were both glaring daggers at him when he got to them, and he so wasn’t in the mood to hear how much of a dick he was. “What the fuck are you doing here? When was the last time we interrupted one of your operations or one of your fucking dinner parties? Go back to Missouri’s.” 

Cheryl shook her head. “You know Beth said almost the exact same thing yesterday? How can you even compare –“ 

Dean shouted, “This is our job! This is what we do, and the last thing we need is to have two civilians crashing this party because they listened to my brother who only cares about killing this thing himself. You are going to get yourselves and maybe us killed, because you won’t fucking listen.” 

Paige squinted and said, “And you’re not? You think you can go on a bender and just show back up whenever you want . . . I mean look at you, Dean . . . You’re a mess. I don’t know when the last time you had a drink was, but I can smell it on you from here.” 

Dean heard Beth’s voice behind him say, “About 6 hours ago,” before she walked past him, and he realized about a quarter of the way around them, she was leaving a trail of salt behind her. He guessed anything could’ve happened between here and Missouri’s. It’s why they should’ve fucking stayed there. 

They hadn’t noticed yet. If one or both of them were possessed, it was his job to keep them occupied while she did her thing, so he did it by yelling at them the way he already felt like doing until she was done and standing next to him. Beth got them to turn their focus onto bitching at her, so he used the distraction to fling some holy water at them from his flask, not really expecting anything, but Beth was fast on her feet and pulled Cheryl out of the circle when Paige shrieked back away from him. 

Dean started the exorcism, while Beth held onto Cheryl to keep her away from the salt circle. Beth told her that Paige was okay, and it was just the demon inside her the exorcism was having an effect on. Paige looked at Beth and said, “What if I do this? Think she’ll be okay if I do this?” as she pulled out a kitchen knife and plunged it into her stomach before Dean could stop it. 

_Where the fuck did she get that?_

“Get out of the circle, Dean!” 

The demon punched him, and he landed on his back about 6 feet out of the circle. Salt ring didn’t do shit when it came to weakening them the way a devil’s trap supposedly did. Beth struggled to keep a tight hold on Cheryl, while she picked up the exorcism where Dean had left off, and he got back on his feet. As if he hadn’t already felt really fucking useless . . . couldn’t even get an exorcism right.

As soon as it was over, Beth went in the circle and had Dean go grab her medical bag from the utility truck. When he got back, he handed the bag to Beth, and Beth took out things she needed to start scrubbing down her hands while she said, “Need you to make Cheryl back off . . . don’t knock her out,” before she looked up at Cheryl who was getting in the way and said, “Doctor’s aren’t supposed to work on family for a reason.” 

Dean dragged Cheryl back, and she was getting pretty hysterical. They were in the middle of the sidewalk in the middle of broad daylight . . . this was a fucking mess. Dean tried to get her to focus on something else. “Beth is good at what she does, Cheryl . . . She’s got this. I need you to tell me what happened . . . if Paige was separated from you at all this morning . . . last night . . . why you started calling this morning.” 

It didn’t work, so . . . well, he could’ve knocked her out, but Beth said not to do that, and he could’ve given her a shake or something, but that didn’t seem like the right thing to do, so he looked to Beth for advice. “What am I supposed to do with her?” 

Beth glanced in his direction before she went back to focusing on Paige. “Bring her a little closer, so she can see what I’m doing. Have her to tell you what I’m doing . . . step by step.” 

Dean looked down at Cheryl and said, “You got that?” 

She took a few steps forwards and nodded. She started crying more, but stopped screaming Paige’s name as Beth filled her in on what she’d found so far. “Class II laceration of the right lobe and no intestinal punctures . . . Tell him what that means and how I know that, Cheryl. Tell him what I’m doing . . . focus on that.” 

Cheryl started to say, “You need to –“ Beth cut her off and said, 

“Tell him, not me. I already know what I have to do, and yes . . . there was a knick in the abdominal aorta. That’s why there’s so much blood. This should take care of that for the time being.” Beth pulled out a homemade sterile applicator pen full of that Celox stuff she just recently raided from the company distribution center. She was always reading up on that kind of stuff.

“Where’d you get that?” Cheryl asked stepping closer. 

“I have my ways.” 

Cheryl took another step closer and said, “That’s not out yet.” 

Beth ignored her while she used it and then said, “I know. Are you calmed down enough to prop her feet up?” 

Cheryl knelt down while she removed her jacket and put it under Paige’s feet before she moved to be across from Beth, and Beth said, “I don’t need you here . . . I need you up at her head, so you can talk to her . . . Hold her hand. Keep her calm . . . I know she’s hurting. The anaesthetic I used hasn’t kicked in yet. Get her to take slow breaths and try to keep her heartbeat down while I finish this up well enough that we can get her into the house. I don’t think Jenny lives there anymore, or maybe she’s on vacation. I haven’t seen her at all, and nobody came out with all of the commotion . . . not sure why nobody else in the neighbourhood did unless they’re all at work or there’s something really wrong going on here.” 

Dean looked at his old house. _How much time are we going to have to spend in there?_ He looked back down at the three women when it sounded like Cheryl was going to be a pain in the ass. “You can’t seriously mean –“ 

Beth cut her off abruptly while she did something else to help Paige. “Yeah, I do . . . We have no idea how this demon found her, but you can bet it’s back in Hell telling whoever will listen where we all are, and it looks like Azazel can traipse in and out of Hell whenever he wants if Dean’s Dad’s research was right. We need to either finish this up ourselves and go or find a way to stabilize her enough that we can get her to a hospital that is a lot further away . . . a stabbing victim anywhere near here will tip them off.” 

Paige touched Cheryl’s face to get her attention and said, “I don’t want a hospital . . . not if another one of those can find me there. I feel violated. It was evil, Cherl . . . It . . . It was awful. I couldn’t control myself. It walked into someone’s house and stole that knife after it took me. I thought it was going to kill whoever was in there. Nobody was home, or I think it would have. It was going to use that knife on you in front of them. It would’ve killed all three of you, and then it would’ve made me do all kinds of . . . You and Beth will have to do it. Don’t make me go to a hospital.” 

Cheryl put her hand on Paige’s forehead in a soothing way and glanced at Beth. “I don’t like it. It’s not sterile.” 

Beth was trying to keep her cool in front of Paige, so she calmly responded, “Well, Dr. Karlsson, I don’t think I’ll be requiring your assistance today anymore than I needed it on a hunt for a demon. An -“ Cheryl shook her head and muttered something under her breath, and Beth brushed right on past it by saying, “Anything I need and don’t have in my bag, you and Dean can go get.” 

Dean wanted to go back to something Beth had said. “What research?” 

Beth glanced up at him and answered, “The research in his truck. He can pinpoint when it’s active, and it’s been active a lot . . . in the 70s and then again in the 80s and now . . . cattle mutilations, freak lightning storms . . . Things like that seem to give you an idea of where it’s going to be.” 

He loved that on top of stealing the Colt out from under his Dad’s nose, she broke into his Dad’s truck, and his Dad hadn’t even noticed . . . all part of the game, and it wasn’t cheating, because she hadn’t broken the first rule yet. His Dad tracking the demon seemed familiar though. Dean paused and tried to rifle through his memories . . . it was all a bit of a blur. “Salvation . . . somewhere. Think Sam said that’s where Dad thought it’d be next.” 

Beth nodded and said, “All right . . . Help us get Paige in the house, then you can go check on Missouri and look into places named Salvation to see if you can narrow down which one it might be.” 

He’d completely forgotten someone needed to check on Missouri. His head was all over the place, and he was feeling shaky again. “Missouri isn’t there. She told us not to go, but when we said we were leaving, she started packing her bags and said she was getting out of town before she told us not to leave each other’s side . . . I didn’t think getting a bear claw would be enough time for anything to happen,” Paige answered. 

Yeah, because a psychic telling you to stay somewhere and then packing her bags when you leave means you should be okay for bear claws. Bear claws . . . Dean was starving. He could go for a couple of those, and he had that sandwich Beth gave him. _Where the hell did that go?_

Beth took her gloves off, so she could grab the sandwich from her weapons bag again and lifted it towards him while she said, “Here . . . use this to hold you over until after you help us get her in the house.” 

Cheryl looked up at him and shook her head. “You’re hungry . . . now?” 

Yeah, he was. He had no idea when the last time he ate was. He took a couple steps back and tore into the sandwich. Beth glanced at Cheryl before she put s.me fresh gloves on and tried to wrap Paige’s stomach up well enough to get her into the house, “He hasn’t eaten yet, and Paige said bear claw . . . He’ll probably go get some when he goes to check on Missouri’s house . . . She may not be there, but I’d say she left him a note . . . Why’d you leave?” 

_Good question._ It was one he’d been trying to get out of them since he saw them. “When Dean wouldn’t answer, we tried to get through to Sam thinking he’d put us on to Dean, and then he said Dean took off too and told us some of the problems he’d been having with him. He wanted to know where we were, so we told him, and he wanted us to go check out a house on this street to see if you were here, because he didn’t want you trying to kill that demon on your own any more than we did.” 

Wasn’t quite like Sam sent them here to stall Beth the way she’d thought, but he’d still gotten them involved. Cheryl looked at Dean and said, “You should call your brother. He thinks you’re suicidal too.” 

_Suicidal? Why?_ Dean finished off the last bite of the sandwich with a shake of his head. “Not suicidal . . . just had to get them as far away from this as possible.” 

Beth looked at Cheryl and convincingly faked confusion. “Why is Sam suicidal? Is it because Dean sent him to Chicago with his Dad? I love Chicago . . . don’t think John being there would bother me that much.” 

They might have a lot of issues they needed to work through, but they were still a good team. He could see it. He just had to get Beth to see it now.


	23. Old Patterns Emerge

“So, now you expect us to stay here?” Cheryl asked looking around the abandoned house we found for them outside Omaha. I think I was failing in selling this place to them. It was clean. It wasn’t drafty . . . it was a charming semi-furnished cabin. It was on a private lake that Dean should be almost done blessing. It wasn’t L.A. but I liked it. 

“What’s wrong with it?” I looked at the potbelly stove in the living room and said, “I think the potbelly stove adds to the character of this cabin, and just like the wood burning oven in the kitchen, it’s practical if the power goes out.” 

Cheryl threw me another look. She’d been giving them to me for the last couple of days even though I apologized to her for the way I spoke to her when I took the lead with Paige. I didn’t apologize for taking the lead. She flipped out. I was the calm one in that situation, so I was the best one to do it, but I could’ve taken the lead in a better way. 

“You’re kidding me, right? We’re stealing just by being here . . . Where’d you get all that stuff?” she asked pointing to the bags of food, books, and oil lanterns. This place had power for the moment, but who knew how long that would last or how long they would be here. I checked with the realtor about this place and a few others, and he said nobody had shown any interest. My guess is because it was too far from civilization. 

“A lot of places. I know Paige likes stuff from an actual butcher, so I went to one . . . Dean got her the kitchen stuff . . . I went to a farmer’s market and got the fruits and vegetables. We found the books in -.” 

Cheryl held up a set of kitchen knives and said, “So, you paid for this?” 

“Yep . . . well, Dean did. It’s amazing what you can find cheap in a pawnshop, huh? Might want to wash them again before –“ 

“There is no way the two of you could afford all of this.” 

“Why wouldn’t we be able to afford it?” 

She gave me a look, like I was crazy, and almost shouted, “You’re homeless . . . You live out of a car . . . I mean look at you. You play the part of someone that doesn’t care how you look, but it’s because you can’t afford to look any better than that. You’ve been wearing the same –“ 

Paige interrupted her. “Cheryl! Your upper-middle class bitch is really starting to come out.”

I tried to explain our income situation to make her feel a little better about the stuff we’d gotten them. “We’re good at poker. Dean’s the best pool shark I’ve ever seen. We both make money on that and darts. We pawn the stuff worth selling that we find on the monsters we kill . . . We didn’t use stolen credit cards or anything. I think there’s too much of a paper trail with those.” I paused and then looked down at myself. “What’s wrong with the way I look?”

Paige stopped Cheryl from answering that by saying, “Give it a rest, Cheryl . . . Nothing is going to find us here, and we’ve got a lake of holy water out there now . . . it’s practically like having holy water on tap.” 

Cheryl shook her head and looked at me. “You can’t just take whatever you want –“ 

Paige stopped her again. “What do you think they’ve been doing all these years? This is what happens when you have to live off the grid the way they –“ 

Cheryl ignored her and kept her focus on me. “What about the things in your medical bag? You didn’t buy those things.” 

_Is that what this is about?_ I sat on a stool at the island between the kitchen and living room. “Nope . . . I took most of it . . . comes in handy though, doesn’t it?” 

Cheryl came over to me and said, “That doesn’t make it right. There are people that have to pay tens of thousands for some of the things you have in there.“ 

_Did I encroach on her territory more than with just Paige?_ If I pushed her a little further, maybe I’d find out, so I could fix this. “I know . . . That’s why I wanted those things. They’re the best.” 

Cheryl shook her head in disappointment. “You’re still the same as you were in high school. The normal rules don’t apply to you, right?” 

I took a deep breath and said, “No, they do . . . That’s why I make sure I don’t get caught.” 

She did not like that. “You piss me off so much . . . You did everything for Paige almost entirely on your own after you had Dean kick me out. You could’ve done something with your life . . . could’ve been the top in whatever surgical field you wanted . . . You could’ve made enough to afford to live in places like this or buy these things, and you chose not to do it.“ 

“That’s not why you’re this mad. I think that you think I encroached on your territory the other day. I didn’t. I don’t want to be a doctor. You’re a magnificent doctor. I’m like a field medic that has to -” 

I guess she didn’t like me calling her out like that, because she gave me another glare and coldly responded, “Society doesn’t owe you anything for the things you do . . . society would be fine without you. In fact, it’d be better off without you.” 

_That was harsh._ Paige said something to try and make me feel better, but I missed it, because I went to pull my journals out of my bag on the floor, so I could bring them back over and show them to Cheryl. “You’re right . . . Society doesn’t owe me anything. I don’t want society to know that I exist. I do what I do, because it’s what I want to do . . . This is why I do it, and why I’ll keep doing it until I can’t anymore.” I opened the first journal to a picture I had paper clipped to the top of the page and slid it Cheryl’s way. 

She started flipping through page after page and barely glanced at the pictures. “So what? You think if you save –“ 

“Turn the pictures of them when they were alive over and you can see the morgue pictures glued to the back. They’re the ones I didn’t get to in time . . . not the ones I saved.” I put my other 3 journals on the counter next to that one. They weren’t as thick as John’s journal, but I thought it was good to spread it out over more books, so I could document as many details as I could for whoever needed them after I was gone. Sometimes John’s notes were lacking even though he packed a lot in the margins. His book was like a magic book with how much he actually fit into it, so I wasn’t complaining about it. It was a trade-off . . . more books to carry around with more information vs. one book with tons of information, but not quite everything. 

“These are the cases we’ve done, since I started. This one –“ 

Cheryl flipped to the next picture before I could explain who it was and shook her head. “Classic, idiot savant, Beth. I wasn’t talking about hunters. I was talking about you, and you just proved it. You’re not very good at your job if –“ 

Dean was great at his job, because he came from out of nowhere and said, “You have no idea how good she is, and she knew what you meant. She ignored it so she could prove her point . . . And for the record, those are the people that put us onto a case . . . They died before we ever rolled into town. Also for the record, she doesn’t need to waste money on clothes to make her what she already is . . . she could roll around in mud and blood all night and still be the hottest woman I’ve ever seen.“ 

He’d been there for a while. Cheryl held up one of the pictures and said, “Do you have any idea how morbid this is? Why the hell would she keep pictures of –“ 

I interrupted her and said, “Two reasons . . . as a reminder of why we do what we do, and so I can document each case. A picture is worth a thousand words. That little boy, Devon, he was drowned nowhere near water . . . If you look at his ears, you can see a black fluid . . . That’s ectoplasm. It indicates he was possessed the way Paige was, but by a powerful spirit. This man, Mark, he was killed by a kitsune . . . It looks similar to the markings you’d find from a –“ 

Dean interrupted me and said, “We should go, Beth.” 

I guess we did have to get to Iowa, but we weren’t that far from there. He sensed my hesitation and pulled me aside. “I think she’s done, Beth. You going to into Wednesday territory isn’t helping your case at all.” 

I whispered back, “But she’s a doctor . . . I mean she dissected human cadavers for med school . . . I shouldn’t seem like Wednesday to her. I just want her to see –“ 

“It’s not just that.” He slumped and a little, and it looked like he was trying to find the right thing to say before found it. “It’s been a rough few days. She needs a break.” 

_Okay, I guess. I just wanted to repair things before we left._ I looked back at Cheryl and said, “You guys will stay –“ 

“It’s not like we have much of a choice.” 

_No, I guess not._ I went to pick up my journals and Paige said, “Mind if I keep a hold of those until you’re done.” 

I looked down at the journals. They were a part of history . . . mine and Dean’s history and the history of the people in them. Those people needed to be remembered. I never went anywhere without them. What if Cheryl threw them in that potbelly stove? 

I glanced at Dean, because I didn’t know what to do. I mean Paige did get possessed on my watch. I kind of owed her for life, but these were important. Dean relaxed a little and gave me a nod to go ahead before he said to Paige, “Make sure she gets them back in one piece . . . They mean something to her.” 

Paige nodded while she took them from me. “I will . . . I want to see what it is you guys really do. I should’ve asked more about it when I first found out.” 

I hoped that didn’t mean she was thinking of doing it too. I looked back at Dean, and he was having a serious, but quiet discussion with Cheryl, so I looked at Paige and said, “I’m sorry . . . I never meant for any of this –“ 

She reached up and indicated she wanted a hug, so I leaned down to give her one, and she said, “Thank you . . . for getting that thing out of me and everything else you did and do . . . and be careful. Make sure you come back . . . make sure he does too. Don’t think I don’t know that’s why the two of you bought so much food . . . It’s in case you don’t, right?” 

I stood up and left that one unanswered. “You’re allergic to penicillin, like me, so I picked you up some Vancomycin. I didn’t get any pain meds. You need to keep a clear head . . . If you need anything at all, text me, and I’ll make sure you get it. If there’s an emergency, and I mean a real one, like a demon knocking on the door or a werewolf howling –“ 

Dean came up behind me and quickly said, “Neither one of those are gonna happen, Paige . . . she’s just –“

Paige stopped him by saying, “I know . . . You guys don’t need any calls distracting you. I wasn’t thinking before . . . maybe I didn’t really understand, but I do now, and I’m sorry that I messed up your plan. It would’ve worked if we’d just stayed at Missouri’s, right?” 

Dean took a deep breath before he dodged her question. “If neither of us answer, call this number and ask for Bobby. Tell him you know me. He’s up in Sioux Falls. He can talk you through whatever it is, and if he can’t get here himself, he’ll be able to call the nearest hunter and have them here in no time, and take this knife . . . it’s silver. If you read through those journals, you’ll get a good idea of what you can use it on if -” 

Cheryl interrupted him by saying, “Silver? Like I said, there is no way the two of you –“ 

I ignored her and gave Paige something else. “This one is iron.” 

I pulled a knife out of my ankle strap to give to her, and Dean explained, “Won’t kill them, but it’s good in a pinch with demons and spirits, and take this,” he said pulling his TAURUS 92 out of the back of his waistband, so he could hand it to Paige. Then glanced at me and started to suggest, “Think we should give her a sawn off with –“ 

I nodded and said, I’d be right back before I ran out to the Impala and got one along with some salt shotgun shells, and some more ammo for the gun he gave her. When I came back into the cabin, Paige and Cheryl were arguing. Dean took the stuff I got and told me to go wait in the car, and he’d be out in a couple of minutes. He said he wanted to give Paige a quick run through of things, but I thought maybe he didn’t want me in there to hear the things Cheryl was saying, but I could handle it. If Paige knew why we got them so much food, Cheryl had to know too, and maybe she was distancing herself from it. 

Pulling out a pen from one of my bags, I grabbed one of my journals and tore out a piece of paper from one of the empty pages at the back. Then I drew the anti-possession ward and came back over to Paige while Dean was distracted with Cheryl. “And take this . . . Use it this time . . . maybe find a way to draw it on and keep reapplying it, since you can’t exactly get a charm made right now. It really will keep you from being possessed again.” 

She took the piece of paper and looked down at it. “Think a tattoo would work?” 

It should. Dean glanced back at her and said, “Yeah, but you need to stay here until it’s over.” 

Cheryl asked, “How are we supposed to know when that is?” 

Opting not to waste anymore time getting into it with Cheryl, Dean started leading me towards the door. “You’ll know. We won’t leave you here forever, and try not to kill each other after we’re gone. That’s not why we gave you those.” 

He nodded towards the mini-stockpile on the couch next to Paige, and Paige quickly said, “You mean leant, right? You’re coming back for your stuff.” 

Dean pushed me out the door and said, “Keep ‘em . . . got a lot more where they came from . . . send her journals to Bobby if you don’t hear back from us,” before he quickly closed the door behind us, and we headed towards the car without another look back. If we killed the yellow-eyed demon and survived, we probably wouldn’t be seeing them again. It was safer for them if we didn’t.

It didn’t take more than a few hours for us to roll into Salvation. “How long ago did you say your Dad was expecting Azazel to be here?” 

Dean exhaled and shook his head while he tried to remember. “Guessing around a week and a half.” That’s about what I thought. He glanced at me and said, “It’s too late, right? It came to do what it was planning on doing, and we didn’t stop it?” 

“Maybe . . . We should check for house fires in town . . . Then we’ll have a better idea of whether or not it’s been here.” 

It wasn’t a great option. If there’d been a fire, it meant a woman was dead. Dean thought about it and said, “I think we should call Sam. See if he and Dad have picked it up anywhere else.” 

They weren’t getting the gun unless they tricked it out of me, because I won it fair and square, but I was okay with seeing them if they behaved themselves.


	24. Catching Up with John

Dean put the call in to Sam, and we didn’t have to far to meet him. He and John were already in town. They’d checked out Lawrence and saw the mess we’d left of their old place . . . Well, I’d thought we cleaned up Paige’s blood pretty well, but apparently John still found some. They thought I’d been taken right along with their only way of killing Azazel, so they went to the only other place where they had a lead, which was in Salvation. 

When they showed up at our motel room, you could say they were pissed off . . . although I didn’t think they had any right to be mad at me. I wasn’t a part of this thing they were doing. I was doing my own thing now. If they were pissed off with me, they were furious with Dean. It wasn’t just that he’d ditched them at a diner somewhere in Iowa and had been with me this whole time. I guess Jim Murphy was dead, and with them not knowing where Dean was . . . I could see why they’d be pissed off. They’d been scared, but the three of them always expressed themselves in the worst possible ways. John was the worst out of the three. I forgot what it was like when they were all together.

After John pushed Dean up against a wall, I somehow squeezed myself between them to get John’s attention and said, “There was sulphur . . . in his place?” John didn’t let go of Dean, but he looked down at me and relaxed a little, like he just realized that I was there. When he nodded, I said, “He lived in a church . . . so we’re talking upper echelon of the demon hierarchy, right?” 

John loosened his hold on Dean and took a step back. “Yeah . . . might’ve been the demon or –“ 

“But you knew the demon was coming here . . . There are all these signs, like electrical storms, cattle mutilations, temperature fluct-“ 

His eyes screwed up in confusion before he said, “Yeah, I did, but I didn’t tell you that, and I didn’t tell Dean . . . how do you-“ 

“I had a look at the research in your truck when we were in Colorado . . . That’s not important. The important thing is that Azazel –“ 

“Azazel . . . We’re calling it by its name now?” 

I shrugged. “That’s what his daughter calls him. It’s easier to say than yellow-eyed demon, and it’s a little like Harry Potter. I’m not calling him, ‘the demon that shall not be named,’ anyway . . . the point is that Azazel has a fingerprint. He’s got a very specific road map that he’s following, and I think it has to be specific. It’s something that he has to carry out himself, and he wouldn’t veer off course to go on a murder spree. Based on that, he’s not the one that killed Pastor Jim . . . I think it’s the demon we met in Chicago . . . his daughter . . . She is powerful enough to pull off something like walking into a church . . . I think she’s trying to set another trap like the one in Chicago, because –“ 

John looked over my head at Dean. “What demon in Chicago? What the hell is she talking about?” 

Dean sighed in annoyance and said, “Good to know you listened to the messages I left . . . I told you when we were in Chicago –“ 

“The Daevas . . . I heard . . . didn’t hear anything about a trap. I heard you telling me you and Sam weren’t gonna be looking for me for awhile . . . I thought you were finally using your head and -.” 

“What part of a demon was controlling daevas to kill people from Lawrence, so it could bring us to Chicago, doesn’t sound like a trap to you?” It was a side to Dean I hadn’t seen. He wasn’t taking the submissive role with his Dad . . . or Sam, it would seem, because he looked at Sam next and said, “The reason why you two were going to Chicago never came up in all this time? Let me guess. You were keeping it from Dad, so you could get one over on him after years of him not telling you why he gives the orders he does.” 

I glanced at Sam, and he still looked pissed off, so I decided to be the one to fill John in if he really didn’t know what I was talking about. “It was a trap for you. She wanted to lure you to Chicago by taking your sons, but I messed up their plan. Then she changed the plan and was going to take me and use me to lure your sons somewhere thinking your sons would call you in for back up. I might’ve set her daevas loose on her after I trapped her in a devil’s trap, and she’s the one I think killed Jim. She was really powerful, is incredibly loyal to Azazel, and is someone he trusts with the task of finding you . . . It was a long con too, because she -” 

Sam quickly interjected at that point. “Beth . . . you never know when to -” 

John lifted his hand to silence Sam and said, “This is about seeing how they strategize, so we can get ahead of it . . . I need to know everything.” 

I knew that. That’s why I was telling him, so I said, “After you sent us to look into the scarecrow from Jeepers Creepers in Indiana . . . Sam got mad and left, and that’s when he ran into her the first time. It was a meet-cute kind of scenario, so he’d be suspicious of her and intrigued by her if he saw her again on another case . . . a case like the one in Chicago that they orchestrated. Their plan was for him to follow her in Chicago and see her put a message through to her boss, so he and Dean would think they’d finally know where Azazel was going to be and call you to let you know . . . you would’ve gone, because regular hunts are one thing, but just like in Lawrence, there’s no way you’d let them go anywhere near Azazel without you being there.” 

John turned around while he thought about it and then asked, “How did you mess up their plans in Chicago?” 

Sam looked happy enough with that question because he was petty and thought I’d be ashamed of John knowing. “If demons look at her directly, she blinds them . . . Meg wasn’t expecting it, so when she turned to look at Beth in the bar, she dropped her drink . . . the same thing happened with a demon on a plane we exorcised, and Azazel . . . When he looked at her, he said the sight of her made him nauseous –“

I corrected him, because he was being a nuisance. “nauseated . . . He said that was the first time he felt that way, and he wasn’t particularly grateful for the experience. He called me North Star and said I was brighter than he was expecting . . . Another long con they did was with our friend Cheryl . . . She had a boyfriend that turned out to be possessed the whole 3 months she was with him. She met him about a month after what happened at Stanford. He didn’t kill her. It was to let us know how easy it’d be for them to kill her . . . That’s why I took she and Paige to Missouri’s . . . They’d already been targeted once, and if I was going to –“ 

John turned and said, “And look what happened. That is why you never go in on things like this alone. I don’t know how many times –“ 

“You’re one to talk, Lone Wolf . . . What have you been doing the last year? And I am alone. I don’t have a team anymore. The only reason I’m even standing here is because the three of you want a gun that I won fair and square. I’d still be out there -” 

He took a couple of steps closer and shouted, “The Demon is not a game!” 

“Yes . . . it is, John. You have an opponent you have to out maneuver. The loser might die, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less of a -” 

“I don’t need lectures from –“ 

“Clearly you do.” I looked back at Dean and said, “I need to talk to your Dad . . . alone.” He didn’t look like he was going to go, so I said, “I just need to talk to him, but I can’t do it if the two of you are here.” 

Dean gave his Dad a warning look and then pulled himself away from the wall while he went over to Sam and said, “Come on, Sam . . . We need to go finish checking out the county records you and Dad haven’t hit yet. Let’s see if we can start narrowing down the 6 month olds in this town . . . and find out why it’s held off this long . . . should be gone by now if it’s sticking to a plan.” 

As soon as they were gone, I said, “What would you do if you were the demon? Or do you want me to start?” Now that his sons were gone, his posturing toned way down, and he went over to pour a glass of whiskey. “Okay, I’ll start. I’d do what they did with Jim Murphy, and I’d keep going . . . I’d kill a couple of your friends to get your attention and threaten to kill the rest to get you to show up the way they couldn’t in Chicago. They know enough about you to know who your friends are. You should call any friends you’ve got left and tell them to get the fuck out of Dodge until this is over. They can’t be used as leverage if the demons can’t find them. If you won’t do it, because you’re stubborn, I have their numbers, and I’ll do it as soon as I leave this room.” 

He took another drink from his glass and didn’t say anything. _All right. Fine._ I went outside to grab my brand new bottle of vodka out of my bag in my new stolen car and made the calls outside. There weren’t many calls to make. He didn’t have many friends. When I got back in there, I took a seat across from him at the little table. When he’d had Dean up against the wall earlier, I’d pocketed his phone, so I slid it back towards him across the table, and he stuck his hand out to catch it before sighing. “I knew you were gonna be a problem before I ever went to pick you up at your Dad’s . . . Where’s the Colt, Beth?” 

_That is the million-dollar question._ I said, “Christo,” and then splashed some salted holy water on him. He didn’t look all that upset. I think he thought I was going to answer his question and was glad to see me taking precautions, but I wasn’t telling him where the Colt was. “Your friends are pervy. Caleb told me to stop messing around and put an adult on the phone, because I didn’t know the safe word . . . not password . . . safe word. And some Patrick guy hit on me and said he wasn’t going anywhere, but I could call over any time I wanted. I think the rest of them would have said the same kinds of things if I hadn’t started telling them that if they didn’t listen, I was going to tell on them to Ellen, who was my third call. That’s what she told me to say, but she also said she wasn’t going anywhere, and thanks for the heads up.” 

John relaxed a little more and laughed while he looked at his phone and then gave me a nod to let me know he’d take care of it after we were done talking. We needed to ease into this conversation, so I said, “They keep using the same tactics over and over again . . . This is a similar kind of trap to the one in Chicago with them attempting to pull you out of hiding by using people that are close to you. In Chicago, they were killing people born in Lawrence. This one is a lot closer to home, because they’re your friends. That tells me they don’t know where you are, especially since you weren’t in Lawrence with me . . . but I think it’s also a distraction . . . Meg’s like the demon that knocked at the door at Sam and Jess’s apartment while the yellow-eyed demon came in a window at the back. Why –“ 

“How the hell did you let that happen?” 

I took a drink straight from the bottle and then said, “I didn’t use rock salt to put salt lines down. I used table salt. I told her if she put salt in a line across the windowsills, it’d act as a cheap way of knowing there was an intruder in the house and that they needed something like that, because Dean and I broke in way too easy. The only salt line that was impervious to being blown away by the wind was the one I taped down at the door into the apartment . . . I should’ve done the same thing at the windows and just said it would get good fingerprints if someone had climbed in a window or caked it with water and said that if it was crushed she’d know someone had gotten in that way. I wasn’t thinking. I was trying to get away with what I could and keep up the illusion that we were spies.” 

John looked a little confused. “Spies?” 

I sighed and took another drink before I hung my head and said, “Yeah . . . After she met me, she might’ve gotten the impression we were spies . . . She wanted to know what we did. I said it should come from Sam, but it was a dangerous job, and that’s what I liked about it. Sam told her I was smart before he left and said I should tell her about how I threw it all away . . . I think he was trying to make it uncomfortable, so I wouldn’t get too close to her . . . It didn’t work. Instead it made her think I was recruited as a child genius into the FBI, so I could infiltrate cults with young members. She thought Dean being a legacy would have advanced his career faster, and she thought it was why you going missing on a hunt seemed like a serious thing they needed to look into . . . like it was code for you being on a mission and disappearing. I didn’t correct her. I also broke her into the Stanford Science Department to show her some of the science experiments . . . that might’ve convinced her we were definitely spies.” 

John shook his head and filled up his glass again. “Should’ve just told her.” 

I picked at the label on my bottle and said, “You can’t just tell someone without showing them the supernatural up close . . . unless they know you well and would believe you at your word. Sam is the only one that could do that without getting her involved in a hunt.” I glanced at him, and he took a deep breath before conceding that point, so I said, “It wouldn’t have mattered if I got her to believe me anyway. The one at the door said that I wasn’t going to stop it. They would’ve found a way around it somehow. It was an attack on Sam . . . not an attack, but something meant to push him in the wrong direction.” 

John quickly leaned forward to put his glass on the table and asked, “What do you mean by that?” 

I took another drink of my vodka and went back to picking at the label. “It wasn’t the psychic visions he has. I think –“ 

“What psychic visions?” _Well, fuck. What the fuck did he and Sam or Dean talk about while I was gone?_

“He dreamt about what happened to Jess for days before it happened. He’s the reason we went to Lawrence, because he dreamt about that woman being under attack in your old house . . . We met this guy, Max, after Sam had a dream that Max’s Dad was going to be killed by some unseen force. Max had a bad life . . . his Dad drank a lot and used to beat him all the time, because his Mom died in a fire, on the ceiling, over his crib when he was 6 months old. His Dad saw it, and abusing Max was the way he decided to go with it. His uncle joined in on the abuse, and Sam saw a vision before the uncle died from an unseen force too. It turns out Max was the one killing them using telekinesis . . . He locked Sam and me in a closet, so he could kill his stepmom upstairs. Sam had a vision while we were in there, and in it Max killed Dean first to get to his stepmom, so Sam used some kind of telekinesis to push the cabinet away from the door . . . He got upstairs, and Max used the gun to kill himself, which was a little annoying to fix, because he didn’t use his hands . . . I had to wipe it down and –“ 

John stopped me again, and this was a normal way with us. He tended to interrupt me to get me back on track a lot. “You’re sure it was suicide?” 

I knew what he meant. “Yeah, Max was really powerful and very controlled. He used his power all the time. Sam hasn’t shown that telekinesis ability since the cabinet . . . He said it was like a something punched out of him and did it. It was an emotional response to seeing Dean die in his vision. He went up there to try and talk Max down, but Max did it before any of them could stop him.” 

I glanced at John to make sure he knew I knew for a fact that Sam hadn’t killed Max. He nodded to let me know he understood, so I said, “Anyway, Max is the reason I don’t think it was the psychic dreams that the demon was trying to unleash in Sam. The psychic ability was already manifesting in Sam before Jess died. I think it was something dark to go with the psychic dreams . . . Maybe it’s something dark in all of us, or maybe it was something that goes hand in hand with the powers. It was something that Max’s Dad and Uncle brought out by beating him every day of his life, but Sam was happy, and Azazel couldn’t have that . . . Azazel got it wrong though. It wasn’t what they did to Jess that almost did it . . . It was me being there and surviving. Sam tried to kill me in St. Louis.” 

I glanced at John again, and he took another drink before he shook his head. “I might’ve heard something about that, but I don’t know what really went down.” 

Not being one of his children meant I got to see a different side to John. He could let his guard down around me enough to let me know he wasn’t the all-knowing John Winchester in a way he couldn’t around Dean and Sam. 

“It was my fault, but that doesn’t change what his intentions were . . . There was a shapeshifter that looked like Dean at the time. It got off on torturing and killing women while looking like the men they were with, so I was ideal bait . . . It had Sam and Dean tied up in the sewer. I was the last one standing, and I could’ve taken the shot, but I wanted to clear the two men it’d already framed. I thought that if I let it take me, I could get injuries consistent with the other women. Then Dean and Sam would kill it after they got loose, and if they told the cops where I was, I could tell the cops that the person that attacked me looked like one of the men who had already been arrested . . . Dean was knocked out. Sam wasn’t. After Dean woke up, he asked where I was, and Sam said I was fine . . . I was just on the other side of the wall from them. I could hear everything they said. Dean asked Sam a couple times if he was sure he hadn’t seen me or if the shifter had said anything about trying to track me down. Sam kept saying that I could take care of myself, and they needed to get to Becky’s, because that’s where the shifter was, so I had to wait for Dean to get to her house and see that she was fine before he came back . . . and he did come back . . . so . . . my plan worked . . . both men got off on all charges . . . The shifter is dead. Sam killed it while I was in the hospital . . . and Sam was right in saying that I was to blame for what happened to me, because I made the choice to let it take me, but . . . Sam didn’t know I let it take me on purpose until Dean told him . . . I never signaled to Sam to let him know it was an act . . . I wanted his reaction to be authentic, so I pretended like I thought the shifter was Dean and turned my back on it . . . He didn’t use his powers, but a person doesn’t have to have psychic powers to be dark. That’s the kind of thing Azazel wanted to unleash in Sam. It was still touch and go with Sam for months after that . . . Dean almost dying on that rawhead hunt, and Sam meeting Max and then us getting caught up in that fucked up inbred Bender family mess in Hibbing . . . I think those are the three things that made him turn it around, because things were not going well before that.”

“Dean knows what you think the demon wanted?” I glanced at him and nodded before I took another drink of vodka. “Does Sam?” I shook my head. “Keep it that way. How did you get out of that fire? I know what Sam’s story is . . . I wanna hear it from you.” 

That made sense. Sam only had part of the story. “I couldn’t move or talk in that closet, but I could think, and Dean heard everything I was thinking through the door somehow without even trying –“ 

“You sent him a text about a demon, and they didn’t see you or Sam’s girlfriend when they got there . . . just the holy water?” I nodded, and John said, “He was looking for you using everything he had at his disposal, whether he knew he was or not. Are you two using that more?” 

I sighed and picked at the label on my vodka. “We were. I can block him the way I can apparently block demons from knowing what I think, so I am, and he wants me to use it on him to know what he’s feeling, but I can’t right now.” 

John sat back and didn’t say anything, so I carried on with how I got out of the house. “Dean thought I was on the ceiling at first, because I kept thinking that I wanted them to get out of there before they could look up. I knew as soon as Sam saw her, it was over . . . and then when it finally happened, Dean got Sam out of the house and came back in for me. He knew I was close and not on the ceiling by that point, so he checked the closet. I’d been working on getting that invisible hippo Azazel used to keep me in there off of me and by then, I could lift my fingers and heels up a little, so Dean was able to get his hands under my feet to try and pull me out . . . the first time I moved maybe an inch before I was pinned back up against the wall, and then he told me I had to help him, so I tried. I tried pulling away from the wall when he pulled the next time, and I came away a lot more, and then the last time he pulled, I pushed back against the hippo, and I went sliding into the other room . . . and we shouldn’t have gotten out after that, but Dean carried me to the window in the kitchen . . . the only reason he didn’t get burnt is because I must’ve randomly thought something like ‘God don’t let him get burnt,’ and he didn’t . . . apparently I can put requests in to God on things . . . I don’t want to have any real personal gain from it, although I’m sure I could use it for that. God gave me a pizza once. If it’s for things like the protection, or thinking something like ‘Goddamnit . . . I need to find something else to kill that fucking demon,’ and then find myself where I needed to be to find the Colt . . . I’m okay with using it for those kinds of things, but I think the actual killing of Azazel, the work needed to get there . . . those are things I have to do myself.” 

John exhaled a laugh while he drank more of his whiskey and said, “Goddamnit worked?” 

I sighed and said, “Yeah . . . God is more of a practical joker when I swear . . . You should’ve seen me trying to get out of Elkin’s cabin after that one.” 

John chuckled again before he glanced at me and said, “Any ideas on the demon blinding thing or what’s preventing them from reading your mind?” 

“No . . . well, them not being able to read my mind . . . Missouri can’t either. She said it’s because I don’t trust her enough to let her. I’m thinking it’s one of those mind over matter things that I don’t even have to think about doing, but I don’t know when I started or why.” 

Something told me he knew, but he’d never tell me, and it made me wonder if he knew about the blinding thing too. At least one of us did. “And the blinding thing . . . maybe I’m like Spiderman and got bitten by a demon-repellent spider . . . They really don’t seem to like me on a visceral level, and I have no idea what that North Star thing means either . . . I think Dean’s right though . . . I think Azazel heard of me under that name and never knew my real identity until he met me. He wasn’t expecting me to be there with Jess, and Cheryl was never a target until after that, so –“ 

“So, you think that was a message to hand yourself over?” 

“Dean thinks he was scared of me . . . probably because I can ask God for things. I can’t imagine a demon would think that’s a good thing for a hunter to be able to do.” 

I seized that moment to drink another shot of vodka, and John watched me before he said, “It’s not a bad theory . . . so, I’m guessing we’re just waiting for Dean to come back with the Colt before we summon the Demon.” 

Looking towards the motel door, I said, “Nice try, but I’m not telling you where it is just like that.” 

He sat back and toyed with his whiskey bottle. “I saw the utility equipment and poles up around the house. What was the idea there?” 

“Giant Devil’s trap using telephone wire. Azazel would’ve been summoned into a trap in the house, the trap outside would’ve trapped him if that fell through for some reason or if he had back up coming that would’ve interfered . . . nothing that came in would get out. Kill him . . . mass exorcism of his minions that were left behind without their leader.” 

He thought about it and shook his head. “What about the people in the houses on that block?” 

“They knew utility works were going on in the neighborhood, so I would’ve told them I hit a gas main, and they had to go.” 

“Still doesn’t give you much time to work with before they start calling the gas company and find out there isn’t a leak.” 

No, I guess not. “That’s why I would’ve waited until I was ready. Doesn’t take much time to summon a demon according to the books I found.” 

He shook his head and decided not to go into how I shouldn’t have been summoning any demons on my own. Instead he said, “And your friends?” 

Yeah, that was an unforeseen complication to the plan. “Leaving them with Missouri was a good idea. They would’ve been fine if they’d stayed there and listened to what she told them. I underestimated their willingness to try and find me . . . That was my fault. If I hadn’t said Dean wasn’t coming, they would’ve dropped it instead of calling Sam, so that was my fault too.” 

He gave me a look and said, “When did they call Sam?” 

_Seriously? Did he and Sam not talk at all the last week?_ I didn’t know, so I shrugged, and he hated when I did that, so I quickly followed it up with, “I don’t know when they did it, but they were trying to get through to Dean. Sam told them you two were having some problems with him and that he took off. He told them to go check and see if I was at your old house. That’s where they were heading when apparently Paige decided she just had to have a bear claw. Missouri told them not to leave her house and if they did not to separate. She left town and a note. I didn’t see it. I was busy operating on Paige. Dean just said she wouldn’t be coming back until we had this all sorted out and to find friends that listened better.” 

John filled his glass again and said, “Operated? You add another skill set that I didn’t know about?” 

_In a manner of speaking._ “It pays to be nice to the medical examiners on cases. You get left in the morgue and can practice all kinds of things . . . First time on a living person though. I didn’t tell Paige or Cheryl that.” In all honesty, I just knew what to do. It’s like I’d been trained in another life on some things. That’s the way it’d felt the first time I picked up a gun, and that’s the way it felt when it came to advanced science, first aid, and medicine. It was just a part of me.

John took another long drink and said, “You left them somewhere safe?” I nodded, and he said, “You think they can handle anything that comes their way?” 

I wasn’t sure exactly what he meant, so I hazarded, “You mean do I trust them not to give anything away about us if they’re found?” That hadn’t been what he was asking, but it’s where he was going with it in the next question or two, so I said, “I don’t know . . . I don’t think Cheryl wants to be my friend anymore, which is fair given the circumstances. I trust that as long as they learned their lesson and stay where we put them, they won’t be found by anything, and if a werewolf happens to cross their path, they could handle it if Paige is reading my journals.” 

John’s eyes narrowed before he said, “So, you gave them a guidebook on how to hunt and the things they need for it. Are you trying to turn them into hunters?” 

“I just want them to be prepared. They’ll see it everywhere around them now, but it’s not just that. Once the supernatural gets a good look at you . . . It doesn’t let go . . . They don’t even have to do anything for it to come to their front door. It’s already happened twice . . . the first time Cheryl was prepared. The second time, I thought they were prepared and somewhere safe . . . I had the second part right, but they left, and they weren’t prepared . . . They need to be prepared for anything from now on.”


	25. One Step Ahead

“I say that I know what family is going to be targeted next, because I had a vision, and I get nothing? She already told you about me getting visions, didn’t she? That’s so typical . . . and we go out and do all the legwork and the two of you sit back and have a drink and a chat . . . and smoke from the looks of things. What is this happy hour and someone forgot to tell me? That’s just great. Now my stuff is gonna smell like smoke,” Sam shouted while he went to throw his clothes in his bag. 

Beth didn’t help the situation. “Sooo . . . it’s a good thing I turned down the offer of a cigar then, because those –“

Sam shouted, “I’m glad you think this is funny! How many times have I told you not to smoke in the motel room . . . and no, sneaking off to the bathroom doesn’t count.” 

Dean tried to smooth it over by saying, “Come on, Sam. This is the first time since before Christm–“ 

“So, now because she gets to have a drink with her old friend, John, she can do whatever she wants. This is just like it was when we were growing up. She always got to do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted . . . She has never had to live by the same rules as –“ 

His Dad stepped in and said, “You find out if it’s still here? It shouldn’t be if that baby turned 6 months old a couple days ago.” 

Dean took a deep breath and answered, “Sam met the mother and the little girl. He said there might be something special about the kid, but I don’t think it’s still here if the 6 months thing is important for this ritual that it has. Best that I can come up with is maybe it already did what it was going to do and that’s what Sam was seeing, but there wasn’t a fire this time.“ 

Beth sat forward and said, “Sam’s thing seems to be more of a precognitive ability, but he could also sense that the poltergeist wasn’t gone in your old house, so it’s not necessarily limited to that. It’s possible. What’d you see, Sam?” 

She glanced at Sam and Sam sighed. “Clock striking 9 . . . shadowy figure walking towards the crib.” 

Beth looked thoughtful and said, “And that’s it? No fire? He wasn’t interrupted . . . didn’t go around the house looking for anyone else or –“ 

“I just told you what I saw.” 

Beth glanced at Dean and said, “Did you check the windows of the nursery for sulphur?” 

“It’s clean outside, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t just teleport in there . . . didn’t get a chance to have a look inside the house. Was kind of thinking . . . well, I said –“ 

Sam said in an annoyingly happy way, “When he met Monica, he said you two were expecting and asked if it was all right if he came back and had a look at the nursery with you, since I guess we all live down the road from them now.” 

Beth looked confused and said, “Why didn’t you just say that and look into it while you were there?” 

Dean’s Dad gave him a look that said he knew exactly why he’d said that, but helped him out by saying, “It’d seem strange showing a man they don’t know around their baby’s room . . . having a woman there would make them feel more at ease than it would if he took his brother.” 

Beth stood up and said, “Well, then I guess I should take a shower, so I don’t show up smelling like vodka and cigarettes, but then maybe they’d take pity on him and –“ 

His Dad cut her off with a brief chuckle. “Probably best to get cleaned up first. Sam will go get you some . . . hot chocolate.” Sam started to argue with that until his Dad made it clear that it wasn’t up for debate and then Sam stormed out to go get it, while Beth went in to take a shower. Dean forgot what it was like having all 3 of them together. It was more like this towards the end before Sam went off to college. He liked the way his Dad and Beth were with each other. Sam didn’t.

“It’s good that you’re not putting a lot of faith in these visions he’s been having,” his Dad said as soon as Sam was gone. _Says the guy who went to Missouri?_ There was something else under that comment that his Dad wasn’t saying. He’d file it away and think about it later when he had time. 

“He hasn’t been wrong yet, but something isn’t adding up. What if . . . what if it did what it was going to do with the baby, but like Beth said . . . it wasn’t interrupted . . . The way I’ve heard, most mothers wake up easy enough and check in on their kids throughout the night, but maybe some are the way Beth is . . . There’s nothing that’d wake her up. Say they slept through the night, and the yellow-eyed demon got in and out unnoticed . . . Then there’d be nobody in the room at the wrong time and no fire.” 

His Dad exhaled and sat back while he poured what was left of his bottle into the glass on the table so Dean said, “It kind of proves that it’s all about the kids and not the mothers, right? Was the psychic thing there already or is the demon where the psychic abilities are coming from . . . is that why you don’t think we should put so much faith in -” 

Looking at the drink in his hand, his Dad said, “You figure out how to fix things with Beth yet?” 

Dean inadvertently glanced at the bathroom door and shook his head before he looked down. “Not yet . . . I figure I need work on being hunting partners first and make sure she knows I’m not going anywhere even if we’re . . . I don’t know what we are right now . . . I don’t get it. She knew because of our soul mate thing that I didn’t want to leave her . . . but ever since I found her . . . it’s . . . well, it’s hard to know what she’s thinking, because she won’t let me, but it’s –“ 

Dean looked up when his Dad laughed. “Welcome to what it’s like for the rest of us. She wouldn’t be here if she didn’t want to be. A girl with her skills knows how to disappear.” 

“I know . . . most of me thinks that as soon as we kill the Demon, she’ll be gone.” 

His Dad watched him and said, “She thinks you’re using her for the Colt, or didn’t you catch that.” 

Dean quickly defended himself. “I already told her I wasn’t. I told her to use our thing and she’d know I wouldn’t leave her again. She wouldn’t do it.” 

His Dad laughed again and said, “How long have you two been together now?” 

Dean was glad his Dad thought this was fucking funny. “10 years.” 

His Dad laughed again and said, “You’ve been lucky if this is the first time something like this has happened. It takes hard work, not some quick fix using something like that.” 

Dean shook his head. “We argue . . . not very often . . . maybe once a year. This year there have been a couple more, but there’s been a lot going on. She used to leave or I did until I cooled off . . . Well, I did until she started ripping up the money in my wallet to get me to stay, and –“ 

His Dad laughed again and asked him what he meant, so Dean said, “I don’t know. We were arguing one time, and she lifted my wallet and started turning the cash into confetti to get me to stay. It worked . . . every time I moved an inch, she tore more until I calmed down . . . other time it happened . . . I gave her my wallet beforehand, because I wanted her to hold onto it, so I’d have to stay, but I didn’t expect her to start setting the cash I had in there on fire.” 

Dean ignored his Dad laughing again and said, “This time is different. This time I meant it . . . when I left. I may not have wanted to do it, but I meant it, and she knows that.” 

His Dad looked at what was left in his glass and sighed. “Well, then you do know what the problem is, and you’re on the right track with what you’re already working . . . It’ll just take time . . . expect her to do a runner, because she will once this is over if she doesn’t think you’re sincere by then, and maybe remember that she likes a good game . . . bring that into it, and I don’t mean play games. I mean make sure you stay a step ahead of her . . . keep her guessing for a change, and you should be fine.” 

\------------------------

Sam gave Dean an exasperated look and said, “Tell me why we’re doing this first and not just summoning it?” 

“We’re not. We’re doing both at the same time . . . If you think it’s still in Salvation, it could’ve gone after that family already and is sticking around to see what we do. We need to give it something to watch. It’s got its eyes on Dad and Beth. We split them up, and I think its eyes are gonna follow the beacon of light. You and Dad are making sure a place outside of town is locked down. Summon it with the stuff in Beth’s bag.” 

Sam sighed in frustration. “When were you going to tell me about all this?” 

“I’m telling you now. Dad’s in there trying to convince Beth to give him the gun. I don’t think that’s –“ 

Sam turned to charge back into the motel room, and Dean sighed before following him. As soon as Sam walked in there, whatever progress his Dad had made in convincing her that giving him the Colt was the right play was shattered, because she got that calm look she got when she felt cornered. Sam and his Dad started arguing, and Beth took a step back to watch for about a minute. When she’d heard enough she said, “I have one question . . . which one of you did that to his face,” and then tilted her head towards Dean. 

“Now isn’t really the time –“ She cut Dean off and watched Sam while she said, “Now is exactly the time. I want to know.” She was watching Sam, because she already knew . . . probably because his brother was crap at lying. 

Sam pointed at Dean and exclaimed, “He hit me first!” and Beth gave Sam a look that said she knew better than that somehow. 

“So, it was a fight . . . a tit for tat kind of thing?” 

Dean glanced at his Dad to see if he was going to say something, but his Dad had taken a step back and was watching their interaction . . . studying it almost. He wondered why or maybe his Dad thought that if he kept his mouth shut, he’d get the Colt. Sam must’ve thought the second thing, because next he pointed at his Dad and said, “He tried to drown him in the shower . . . I stopped him from –“ 

_Uh, she doesn’t like that, Sam. Might want to -_

“Stop shifting blame . . . I’ll make it simpler for you, Sam. What happened? I want a blow-by-blow account. Remember I’m the one holding all the cards here.” 

Sam immediately said, “I wouldn’t let him go on the hunt for the vampires . . . He was wasted, and he hit me to get his keys back.” 

“And your Dad just let the two of you fight . . . in the middle of a hunt?” 

Sam glanced at his Dad before he looked at her and said, “No . . . We had to take Dean back to the room and finish the hunt without him.” 

“So, you didn’t do that until after I got the Colt?” 

Sam looked at Dean and nodded. If Sam wasn’t going to tell her how bad Dean had been, then Dean would. “I –“ 

Beth looked at Dean and said, “I already know, Dean . . . I’ve seen you hung over, and now I’ve seen you go through withdraw. You didn’t start going on a bender when your Dad showed up . . . You just stopped trying to hide it, not that you were really hiding it from Sam before that, because he catches everything, right Sam?” She paused to look at Sam, and Sam ducked his head, so she continued. “He was worried about it, but he let you do other hunts with him before that, so he wasn’t worried enough to bench you for those. Then your Dad shows up, and he decided to use it as a way to fight with your Dad by saying you weren’t up for the hunt when you probably were . . . He used you in his personal war with your Dad. I want to know if his personal war with the Demon led to –“ 

Sam cut her off and said, “No . . . we were trying to find you. The way you were with those vampires . . . you weren’t –“ 

“I wasn’t what? Prepared? In top form? Up to going after the demon? Let me ask you this . . . Who has the least emotional connection to this demon? Who isn’t blinded by it? Who gets the Colt? Well, who got the demon-killing knife when we thought that would work?” Beth pulled the Colt out of the inside pocket of her jacket and walked over to Dean to hand it to him before going past him towards the door and said, “You and your Dad are on the B-team, Sam. Summon it by 19:30 if you don’t hear from us . . . If it shows up at this Monica’s house before that, I’ll put a call through, so summon it when you get a missed call. Let us know if anything else comes up and make sure that place is locked down tight before you do anything else. There are wards in the book I have with the summoning ritual.” 

Dean looked at the Colt in his hands, and his Dad said, “I’ll be damned.” 

Sam looked at their Dad. “What?” 

His Dad exhaled a laugh and said, “She stacked the deck in her favor . . . She wins the race, and she wins . . . but if she gets the play right, she doesn’t have to win the race, and she still wins. She’s bait, Dean has the way to kill it, I’m on the B-team with you, and I’ll agree with the plan. We need someone that knows what they’re doing to summon the demon and trap it fast if it means Dean and Beth are face-to-face with it.” 

They heard Beth shout through the opened door, “I told you I’d know if you cheated, John . . . just had to pull it off to find out.” 

Dean’s Dad clapped him on the shoulder on his way out, and said, “Good luck on staying a step ahead of her, and remember what I said . . . she’s gonna try and do a runner after this is over.” 

Yeah, it looked like it if she was willing to hand the Colt over to him . . . It was like she was saying goodbye already. Dean didn’t want the damn thing. 

Sam stopped by him on his way towards the door and asked, “How are we the B-team?” 

Dean looked at the Colt and sighed before he put it away and got the demon-killing knife to give to Sam. “You’re summoning it, but you can’t finish it without the Colt, so you have to wait until we get there, and if it shows up where we are, we have a shot at it first. Take this in case any other demons try to join the party.” 

Taking the knife, Sam checked out the blade before shaking his head. “Our family is really messed up, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah . . . wouldn’t have it any other way though . . . I mean how many other guys could say their girlfriend had God turn their pain in the ass little brother into a giant clown . . . You get scared when you looked in the mirror, or –“ 

Sam smiled briefly. “Shut up . . . Think I just realized she could’ve killed this demon any time she wanted. She didn’t even need that gun. The only reason she got it was because of the game she has with Dad . . . is that why she –“ 

“I ended it. Wasn’t her . . . thought she’d be safer with her Dad. Everything she’s done since then has all been part of the game with Dad.” 

“What is her Dad?” Dean glanced at him and Sam said, “What? He didn’t even bat an eye at a raincloud in his house. He came up with that healing stuff . . . is he a witch or –“ 

Dean shook his head and said, “You don’t wanna know. There are things out there a hell of a lot worse than demons . . . a lot more powerful than the yellow-eyed demon. Her Dad is one of ‘em, but I guess you could say having a daughter brought him over to the light side of the Force . . . The other things out there like him are after her. They had her for a while. He didn’t know about it until after she got away from them . . . She doesn’t know . . . about any of it. He blanked it from her memory.” 

Sam glanced at their Dad’s back while their Dad went over the plan one more time with Beth. “Is she one of them? Is that why she blinds –“ 

“No, she’s human. The things that had her took the part of her that would’ve made her . . . not a human. She blinds them because of her soul . . . the things that had her tore out half of it . . . and ripped the rest to shreds. She regrew the parts that were gone . . . all of them . . . her Dad said I helped her. I don’t know how I did, but the new parts shine brighter than the other parts of her soul . . . a lot brighter than a soul should be.” 

Sam looked like he was working through it and coming up with things he’d been wondering too. “And blocking demons from knowing what she thinks?” 

_I didn’t think to ask._ “I don’t know . . . My guess is that if the things that had her could read her mind, she had to find a way to block them, or she wouldn’t have escaped.” 

Sam glanced at Beth and said, “Was God how she escaped?” 

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask a lot of questions . . . got a lot dumped on me at once . . . still trying to work it out.” 

Sam looked back at Dean as an idea struck him. “So, her Dad . . . He could take on something like the yellow-eyed demon?” 

Well, Gabriel was the fourth most powerful thing God ever created. Only Raphael, Lucifer, and Michael were stronger than him . . . Lucifer . . . fuck. Dean still couldn’t get over that one. “Her Dad could snap his fingers and destroy the yellow-eyed demon, but he won’t do it. He said there are rules about interfering, and he might bend them some to help Beth out, but he doesn’t want his brothers to find her by messing with things too much.” 

Their Dad looked like he was ready to go, so Sam said, “Are things between you two still a mess?” Dean sighed and ducked his head, so Sam followed it up with, “If you want to fix it . . . Give her the Colt back before you get to the house . . . or get rid of it in front of her . . . She can just have God make her a new one,” before he went out to their Dad’s truck. Wasn’t a bad idea. Might actually show her he didn’t care about it at all.

\--------------

“What are you doing?! It won’t work without those,” Beth shouted while she tried to reach over him and take the Colt out of his left hand. 

Dean pushed her back some with his right forearm. “I’m trying to drive here.” 

“Well, then stop the car.” He did, and she jumped out, so she could start trying to find the bullets that he’d emptied out the window. She was gonna have to go further back than that. 

Getting out to go after her, Dean said, “Come on . . . we’re gonna be late,” and almost laughed at the look she threw his way before she headed off further down the road. 

“5 . . . 5 bullets in the entire universe that will kill it, and you throw them out the fucking window!” 

He realized that most of their fights . . . maybe all of them happened when he got pissed off with her for something. She got annoyed with him but out and out pissed off . . . never. He was kind of enjoying being on this side of things for a change. 

“We’re supposed to be there in 15 minutes . . . doesn’t give us much time to get there, check the place out, and get back to where Dad and Sam are by 730 if –“ 

Beth turned and quickly retorted, “Well, then you should’ve thought of that before you . . . oh wait! Here’s one . . . and it’s fucking ruined,” before she threw the one she’d found and started looking in that stretch of the road. 

She found 4 more that seemed all right, so on the way back to the Impala, Dean said, “How good are those without the gun, because I could just run it over a couple times and –“ He lifted it above her head when she came running up behind him to grab it. “You want this?” 

She tried to jump and reach it. “What do you think?” 

“Why? Messes up your game with my Dad if I don’t have it, right? I mean that’s the only reason you let me come along for the ride in Lawrence . . . Why you came with me to –“ 

She stopped jumping and looked up at him. “What? No . . . what the fuck are you talking about?” 

Shrugging, he said, “How else am I supposed to see it? I already told you I don’t want the damn gun,” before he dropped it on the ground and kicked it across the road. She gasped and ran went after it, so he used the opportunity to shout, “I’ll see you there,” got in the Impala, and left her along the side of the road. One step ahead of her . . . She hadn’t seen any of those things coming, and there’s no way she’d leave that unanswered. 

He almost smiled when he saw her standing outside the house when he pulled up. _Not bad._ The second she opened her mouth to say something to her, Dean splashed her in the face with salted holy water and shrugged at the look he got. “Just making sure.” 

Side-stepping her, like it was no big deal, he headed for the door, and she was there by his side in no time, still trying to wipe the water off her face with her sleeve. “I didn’t do anything wrong. You’re the one that left, not me.” 

“I came back. I told you I wouldn’t leave again . . . You’re the one that’s going to take off as soon as this is over. I don’t see much difference between that and what I did . . . and it’s not like you haven’t been checked out on me since I found you.” Not waiting for a response, Dean grabbed her hand and laced his fingers through hers before knocking on the door. They were both good at their job, so they put it away as soon as the door opened and got the tour started. 

When they got to the nursery, Beth said, “I just love that crib . . . mind if I have a closer look at it so I can get a feel for how it’s put together? Dean’s good at building things and then they just fall over because half of the parts disappear.” 

Dean turned towards Charlie and Monica with an uncomfortable laugh and said, “I think she actually hides the parts that are missing to mess with me. Only started happening recently. Normally, I can fix anything,” and then he started talking about some fake job as a mechanic, while she checked out the crib. Charlie seemed interested, so Dean said he’d show him his car when they were done. 

When she stood up, Beth smiled at Monica and said, “I like the size of this nursery. Does it ever bother you having her in another room at night? Are you glued to your baby monitor or is there a point when you can relax about it?” 

Monica answered, “At the start it was hard, but you get used to it . . . She’s usually a quiet baby. I know everyone says that, but she really is. One of us usually checks on her throughout the night.” 

Beth nodded and said, “Like hourly or how do you get any sleep? Do you have to set an alarm or –“ 

He could tell by Beth’s body language that it’d been here. It’d be good to know how the demon got around without Monica and Charlie knowing, but they needed to get back to his Dad and Sam. “She’s a heavy sleeper. It’s one of the things she’s worried about . . . I keep telling her I’ll take care of it. I don’t get much sleep. We should probably get going, they probably –“ 

Beth agreed. “Yeah, sure. They were good enough to show us around. We shouldn’t waste any more of their time . . . I just have one more question.” 

Dean looked down when he felt his phone vibrating. It was Sam. He told Beth to ask her question, because he had to take this call, so Beth quickly said, “Your daughter is 6 months old. I heard when a baby is that age they start to . . . “ 

Stepping into the hall, Dean answered his phone, and the first thing Sam said wasn’t all that worrying, but his tone was. “How long will it take you two to get here?” 

Dean checked his watch. They still had 15 minutes. “What happened?” 

“Can’t talk right now . . . just get here.” 

Dean hung up and looked in the bedroom to give Beth a look to hurry it up, but she was already on her way out with Monica and Charlie. “Sorry, Charlie . . . I’ll have to show you my Impala another time. That was my brother. We have to go . . . Thanks for showing us around.” Charlie smiled and said he was looking forward to that. _Don’t look forward to it too much._ Dean grabbed Beth’s hand and headed for the door. This should’ve worked. If it hadn’t, it meant something was seriously wrong.


	26. Old Friends Reunited

If Sam’s phone call didn’t say we’d gotten it wrong, the dead guy on the floor of the barn did when we got in there. Well, he didn’t say anything. He was dead. Barely through the door, Dean asked Sam, “What happened?” 

“I got another vision. It is still here, but it isn’t going to the house we were at earlier. The woman was different. This time there was a fire, and when I was having the vision . . . Meg and that dead guy showed up . . . Dad had the knife. He killed that one, but Meg . . . she threw Dad against the wall, knocked him out, and disappeared with him before I could do anything to stop it. The vision . . . the timing of it . . . is the Demon causing them? Or does he know when I’m having one . . . is he linked to –“ 

“What? No, I mean Missouri –“ 

Sam stopped Dean from denying it. “Mine are always tied to the demon in some way, Dean . . . You can’t tell me that doesn’t freak you out.” 

I wasn’t freaked out perse, but I didn’t think it was good. Dean was going to deny anything about Sam freaked him out, so I said, “What did Meg want? She didn’t just take your Dad for no reason. She would’ve killed him here if that’s what this was about.” 

Sam looked at me before he took a deep breath and said, “Can I talk to you . . . over here,” while he grabbed me and directed me away from Dean. “You . . . and the Colt. You have –“ He stopped to look at his watch. “6 minutes. She knows . . . about the God request thing . . . I don’t know how. Maybe she could read my mind or Dad’s . . . or –“ 

I put my hand on his arm to calm him down and said, “It’s okay. Take a deep breath . . . I’ll go, but the Colt stays here. The summoning ritual is –“ 

“She took it . . . Dad put me in the Devil’s trap . . . He and the book were outside – “ 

“Well, it’s a good thing I have it memorized. Do you still have everything you need to summon it?” 

Sam looked around and said, “Most of it. I think –“ 

“Go out to the car and grab my weapons bag. I have a spare of everything in there. Grab me some paper . . . I have a pen.” He went over and ripped a page out of a book lying scattered on the ground before he came back over, handed it to me and ran out to the car. 

Dean came over while I was writing and said, “It’s you . . . right? That’s what she wants. How much time do we have?” 

_He isn’t going to like this._ “5 minutes. You and Sam are staying here and summoning the Demon. You’re keeping the Colt, so you can kill it. If you –“ 

“There’s no way in Hell I’m letting you go –“ 

_You don’t have a choice._ “You can’t be in two places at once, and we both know you’re not going to leave Sam here to kill Azazel alone. I’ll take the demon-killing knife still stuck in that guy. It’ll work on her just fine.” 

Dean shook his head and said, “You’re crap at throwing knives. Why can’t we just go get Dad and forget about the demon, or trap it here, take care of it, and go get Dad . . . doesn’t take long to –“ 

“It takes longer than 5 minutes. And Azazel is going after another family tonight if Sam’s vision is right. It’s your Dad. I need to do this at least partially right if I’m leaving the Colt here.” 

He slumped slightly and said, “Is this because of earlier, because I didn’t . . . I was trying . . . we’re supposed to be partners . . . did I make things worse? I –“ 

I took a deep breath and tried to tap down the heartbroken feelings I had at him saying we were supposed to be partners. “You’re supposed to be Sam’s partner. You’re right . . . about everything you said earlier, about me shutting you out. It’s just that . . . I know you don’t see me the same way anymore. You may say you won’t leave, and you may not have wanted to leave, but that’s 10 years of habit making you –“ 

“I left to keep you safe . . . Your Dad can keep you safer than I can.” 

I shook my head and finished writing the summoning spell. “If it was just to keep me safe, why didn’t you stay at my Dad’s with me? Why the rush out the door? You didn’t have a hunt to go to . . . You didn’t find one until a day or two after you left. Dad told you something you couldn’t handle, and –“ 

“I came back. I will always come back.” 

I shook my head, looked at the barn door. “Like I said . . . 10 years of habit making you –“ 

Sam came back, and Dean stepped closer to say, “I need you to promise me you’ll come back . . . after this is over, I need you to come back. I need time to show you that you’re wrong. I can’t do it now.” I didn’t know if I’d survive this, and I wasn’t going to promise him I’d come back if I was just going to die. He knew me well enough to know that’s what I was thinking, because he changed it and said, “If you make it out of this, I need you to promise me you’ll come back.” 

Stepping back, I gave him a reluctant nod, and he relaxed just a little before I thought, _’God, I wish I was with John and had a way to get him out of this without needing the Colt.’_

And then I wished I’d been a little more specific, because I didn’t have the demon-killing knife. I just had me in a dark warehouse in the middle of nowhere. At least I was on the second floor. John and Meg were on the first floor. They didn’t know I was there yet. I tried, _‘God I could use the demon-killing knife._ Nothing . . . that was fair. I hadn’t exactly gotten John out of here yet, and God wasn’t a private chauffer or delivery boy. I’d already used God as a chauffeur twice today. _Sorry about that. Thought it was worth a try._

I checked my watch. Three minutes. I wondered if Demons had good watches. I didn’t have much time. I was up above them. What could I do here? Devil’s trap? They were becoming a common tool in our arsenal. They seemed cooler when we didn’t have to use them all the time. I crawled out over one of the beams. There’s no way I was going to use the mini-spray can in my jacket pocket. It was too loud. Feeling around my pockets to see what else I had, I found a piece of chalk. I never had chalk. I guess God put that there. _Ha, chalk is mightier than the knife? Good one, God._

I set to work drawing a couple of devil’s traps wherever I could reach underneath the beams. Now I just had to find a way to get Meg to stand in one and not let her know I’d been up here, so I crawled back and found a way to go out the window . . . I was pretty high up, so I chose a window that had an awning below it that I could use to help break my fall, and I guess the awning did slow me down some before I went through it and ended up on the ground. 

I had to shake it off and get back on my feet. At least there hadn’t been any pitchforks or machinery under there. There could’ve been. There was stuff piled right next to where I fell. Running in through the front doors, I had about 30 seconds to spare. “I’m here . . . thought I might buy you that drink I owe you.” 

Meg popped up behind me and said, “Oh, I think you owe me more than a drink after the last time I saw you.” 

“How about a liquor store? I could get you one of those.” 

She must not have liked my liquor store idea, because I went flying into one of the pillars behind me. I hit it hard enough that it took me a little longer to shake it off before I was back on my feet and even then I needed it for support. “Right. Loyalty . . . Can’t be bribed with a liquor store . . . how about a cantina in Mexico or a place in the French Alps . . . You could go on demon-ski breaks?” 

Meg walked up to me and pinned me up against the pillar by the throat. “Why would I need you to get me something I could already take?” Good point. I’d really just needed her to get closer, so I could stab her in the chest with the little tiny iron pin knife I thought was incredibly cool when I picked it up in a specialty place in Mississippi. I knew it wouldn’t kill her, but it’d hurt, and it did. It also pissed her off. 

Slamming me back up against the pillar with one hand, she held me there, as she pulled the knife out of her chest and said, “You must not have that Kurdish knife . . . Where’s the Colt?” 

“Funny story –“ 

She threw me somewhere . . . whatever I hit hurt . . . _Who the fuck leaves machinery just lying around to rust like this? What a waste._ When she got to me again, I was trying to get on my feet, but had really just managed to get up on one knee. “Was the punch line you don’t have it? Because I don’t think it’s funny. I only need one of you, so I’m going to kill John. I’m going to slit his throat, and then I’m going to tear the flesh from his –“ 

“Probably hurt worse if you did it the other way around . . . He’d be dead if –“ 

I heard John say, “Maybe keep that one to yourself, Beth,” and felt myself relax, because it meant he was still alive and awake. She may have beaten him badly, but it could’ve been worse. 

Meg picked me up the rest of the way and slammed me into another pillar, so she could hold me up against it. Then she smirked and went through my pockets. “I thought of a way you could repay me . . . for Chicago. Think I could use a new place . . . one that’s not falling apart.” She grabbed my anti-possession charm, and I thought, _‘This is going to suck,’_ before everything went black for a few seconds.

 _”You good? How’s that bright light from in here.”_

“I think I’m going to –“ She gagged. 

_Ha . . . hahahaha._

“You’re a bitch.” 

_”Compliments already?”_

“How are you doing that? The only thing I can hear is your annoying voice . . . I don’t know what you’re thinking.” 

_”Well, how can you not hear what I’m thinking if you can hear my voice? I can’t actually open my mouth._

“You’re a smart ass . . . You know exactly what I mean. I mean I don’t know everything about you . . . Your inner most secrets . . . nothing. Only what you want me to know.” 

_”Still think this was a good idea?”_

“When I kill John and use you to do it . . . You’ll see how good of an idea it was.” 

_”Good luck with that.”_

She looked towards John, and he looked . . . well, he looked horrified but also confused. 

_”Can he see you talking to yourself?”_

“I think so. I can’t talk to you any other way. How the fuck are you doing this?” 

_”Kind of makes you look less intimidating.”_

“Go to sleep.” 

_”Are you sure you want me to do that? How could you make me watch you kill John if I’m asleep?”_

“What are you planning?” 

_”Like I’d tell you. I would’ve said it if I wanted you to know.”_

She doubled over and gagged a second time, and John started laughing. Meg really didn’t like that. She took us over to him and started punching him over and over, and well . . . I couldn’t stop her until she decided to use my iron blade to slit his throat . . . I couldn’t let her do that. I couldn’t let her kill Dean’s Dad just because I fucked this whole thing up by not asking for the Kurdish knife. I put everything I had into imagining that my right arm was like a robot arm that I could control, but one that wasn’t quite physically mine and stopped the knife about 6 inches away from his neck. I don’t know if she or John was more surprised by it. 

_Okay . . . release the fingers . . . pinky finger first . . . then the next fingers should follow easier._

“What the fuck are you doing? Go to sleep . . . Do what I fucking tell you to do.” 

_Nah, I don’t think I will._

John spat out some blood, sat up and watched us before he exhaled an exhausted laugh and said, “She never does what you tell her to do . . . been a pain in my ass for years.” 

As soon as she dropped the knife in his lap, I worked on my robotic feet, and she said, “What the fuck are you doing?” 

_”The moonwalk? Do we look cool? Maybe you can do it better than I can. Try to get the arms right, because that –“_

“Shut up . . . Where are you taking me?” 

_”Not far . . . right about here should do it. Remember Chicago . . . good times. Glad you got out of the daeva market.”_

She looked up and saw the devil’s trap. “You fucking bitch . . . I’m going to kill you. See if you can stop this.” She grabbed another knife I had in an ankle strap, but John started saying an exorcism, while he knocked the knife in his lap on the ground, so he could reach it and cut the ropes around his wrists. 

_”You really shouldn’t use rope . . . or zip ties . . . They can be cut, and I guess handcuffs . . . we’re all good at picking locks on those. Kind of hard to keep us –“_

Meg started convulsing, and I could feel her being pulled away from me but then she started laughing a few seconds before smoke came filtering in through the shafts, and John stopped saying the exorcism. _Well, fuck._

“I knew my Father would –“ She stopped when the smoke circled us. I don’t know what it said to her, but she didn’t seem happy about it. “No . . . I haven’t failed you twice. I –“ The smoke went over to John, who was trying to crawl to one of the other devil’s traps I’d put up there, but he didn’t make it in time. 

I saw the demon cloud go into him, and then he stood and came back over to Meg before he looked up and said, “I ended up back in Hell because of your incompetence. Find your own way out this time . . . You won’t be given another chance,” before he disappeared.

 _”Where did he go?”_

“Fuck if I know . . . you really fucked this up.” 

_”I didn’t . . . take some responsibility for yourself. You know looking at me makes you sick, so why the hell would hop inside? I’m betting it weakens you assholes. You know why? I think the half of my soul that’s been rebuilt –“_

“Shut up.”

 _”Where’d he take John? . . . You’re giving me the silent treatment? Want to see if I can read your mind?”_

“No . . . stay out of my fucking head.” 

_”Want to see if I can perform an exorcism from here? It might send you back to hell, but I don’t see how you’re getting out of here any other way.”_

Meg didn’t like that idea. In fact she hated it, because she used my knife to slice down my left wrist before she calmly did the same thing to my right wrist. 

_”I have a high pain tolerance, so that didn’t hurt.”_

She got mad and threw the knife while she said, “Good to know . . . I can use that after I get out of you to make your last few minutes the worst –“ 

Her knife throw was perfect throw. _”How’d you do that? I can’t do that . . . at all. I suck at throwing knives.”_ She didn’t answer. _”Do you smoke? I could really use a cigarette right about now . . . right pocket.”_ She looked like she was going to smash them all up and throw them the way she had the knife, but stopped at the last second and pulled one out before she lit it and put the pack back in my pocket. 

_”So, what do we do now? How’d you get out the last time? Demon friends on speed dial?”_

“Something like that. Let’s see who you’ve got on speed dial.” 

_”Are you sure you want to do that? My friends are all hunters. I could just do the exorcism –“_

“I slit your wrists . . . Why do you think I did that? I’m staying where I am.” 

_”Not if you call my friends.”_

She looked like she was about to throw my phone too, but stopped and asked, “Who is this?” 

Missed call from Cheryl and then a text from Paige saying, ‘Sorry. I tried. Just a cat. May need cat food.’ I didn’t respond to Meg’s question, but I did ask, _”‘Want to know what it’s like to feel possessed?’”_

She was in the middle of some kind of shitty response, so I concentrated on making my robot arm do two things. One, was being as gentle with that phone as possible, because I didn’t want her to crush it. Two, was moving my thumb to the voicemail recordings, flipping through them until I had the one I wanted, and pushing play, so I could hear the voicemail of me calling from another one of my phones and leaving an exorcism message. 

“Oh, you bitch . . . I let you smoke.” 

I really had to concentrate on not letting her throw the phone after that. _”Go ahead. Throw it. It’ll just exorcise you, and you won’t have a chance to try and stop this.”_ She dropped to her knees . . . or my knees, I guess, and it was a fight over control of that phone. She did the smart thing and switched it to her other hand, so she could shut it off, and it was smart, because it’d taken a lot of concentration to get my right hand to do what I wanted it to do, so starting over with my left hand was harder, and I needed to do it faster. 

“I’m going to rip your hands off. Let’s see how you do without them.” She dug the nails of her right hand into my left wrist where she’d cut me and started to pull the flesh apart, which wasn’t very pleasant to watch and ruined my concentration, so I couldn’t stop her from doing that or anything else. It was awful, and then I saw at my watch that Dean gave me and that helped me focus enough to do what I needed to do take her right hand out of my wrist and use it to get that message going again. 

_”I can do this all day. The more I practice at something, the less I have to think about it, just like with blocking you. I don’t have to think about that at all. You’ll be trapped in here . . . in this body . . . doing whatever I want you to do forever. Where’s John? You tell me that, and I’ll let you call my friends. They can get you out of here.”_

“Fuck you . . . I’m not telling you.” 

_”Okay. You asked for it. I’ll just toss the phone out of the devil’s trap. Have fun in Hell.”_

She started convulsing and screamed, “Wait!” I used my right hand to push the button to turn off the voicemail and waited. “I don’t know where he is.” 

_”Guess we’re starting over, and I’m not stopping this time. Have fun with that.”_

“No . . . Springfield, Missouri . . . that’s all I know.” 

_”Springfield, Missouri? Why?”_

“I don’t know . . . That’s where he wanted me to take you after I killed John if you didn’t have the Colt.” 

_”Anywhere specific? Is Azazel a big fan of the world’s largest fork?”_

“What? No . . . Sunrise apartments. That’s all I know.” 

_”Okay . . . Go back to Paige’s number and when she answers, say ‘I went out for a bear claw on my own,’ so she knows it’s me.”_

“You’re going to help me?” 

_”Are you serious? No, I’m not going to help you. What the fuck is this, amateur hour?”_

I quickly scrolled through the messages using the power I had over my thumb, pushed play on the one I needed, put it speaker phone again, and put everything I had into forcing my hand to throw it out of the devil’s trap. I only had about a minute to figure out how I was going to stay alive when she was gone, and her shaking violently and the racket she made didn’t really help at all.


	27. POA

Everything was . . . completely fucked is just about the only way to describe how things were if you didn’t want to use too much brainpower coming up with a bigger word, and Dean couldn’t afford to waste any spare brainpower. If he had the spare brainpower to waste on coming up with something better, then it'd mean everything wouldn’t be completely fucked, and it was. He was losing it. They had no idea where his Dad and Beth were. Beth didn’t have the demon-killing knife. Dean knew that, because he had it. He and Sam had missed their shot with the yellow-eyed demon, because the yellow-eyed demon was wearing Charlie, and Dean couldn’t let Sam kill the guy after he just met him with his wife and daughter, so they’d exorcized the yellow-eyed demon. Who knew how long that would really keep Azazel away?

Sam explained to Charlie what happened and was taking him home to make sure his family was okay. Dean was back at the motel trying to think of a way to summon that Meg demon, so he could buy his Dad and Beth more time . . . if they weren’t already dead, but he didn’t know Meg’s real name. All he knew was the name of the girl she was possessing. Meg Masters. He found that. No way for him to know the demon’s name, and they needed her name to summon her. Maybe he should just start summoning demons that were high up the ranks and killing them with the knife until he got the right one. That’s what he was going to do. Dean was declaring war on them. 

He started setting up the devil’s trap in their motel room and got everything he needed from Beth’s summoning kit. When he was ready, he checked a list of demon names he found . . . Aamon . . . alphabetical worked for him. He was about to start when his phone rang. The caller ID said it was Beth. “Did you find him? Is he –“ 

_“I’m sorry Dean . . . I messed up. I didn’t have the demon-killing knife. Azazel came and possessed your Dad. He’s in Sunrise apartments in Springfield, Missouri.”_

At least they knew where he was. They could go get him. _“It’s another trap . . . I think . . . remember he’s possessed, or he was the last time I saw him.”_

Where the fuck is Sam? “Are you near there? How long –“ 

_“I’m not going, Dean.”_

“You’re leaving now? You promised –“

Beth took a deep breath and said, _“I said if I was going to make it out of this I’d come back . . . I’m not.”_

Dean stopped pacing. “Where are you? I’ll come –“

_“You can’t. I don’t know where I am . . . just some warehouse, like every other warehouse . . . Go find your Dad.”_

No, that’s not . . . this wasn’t going to be the last time he talked to her. He needed more time . . . he was supposed to have more time. “What about God? Did you try asking Him to heal –“ 

_“God stopped listening when I got here . . . I think I used up my prayer requests getting here . . . only get one on the big things, it would seem. Maybe I can crawl outside and see where I am?”_

If she could crawl, maybe it’d be all right. Maybe someone would find her and take her to a hospital? “Yeah, try that. Let me know.” 

Dean hung up and tried calling Sam. There was still no answer. He couldn’t keep calling, because he didn’t want to be in the middle of trying to call Sam when Beth called him again. 5 minutes later the phone rang, and he said, “You figure out where you are?” 

Sam answered. _“I’ll be back in less than 10 minutes . . . what’s going on?”_

Dean needed his car sooner than that. “Beth called. She knows where they took Dad. Need you to get here now . . . I have to go. Beth’s on the other line.” He hung up and answered the incoming call. “You know where you are?” 

She was quiet at first. _Why the fuck isn’t she talking?_ “Need you to give me something, Beth.” 

He heard her take a deep breath before she answered, _“I don’t know . . . corner of Wabash and Lake . . . somewhere. Could be anywhere. They’re pretty popular street names in the Midwest. It’s a pretty run down part of town . . . It’s quiet.”_

She crawled that far. She could keep going or maybe there was an easier way. “Ask God to bring you here . . . if God is being a dick the way I think He is, ask Him to bring you here, and I’ll take care of it.“ 

She took a couple of shallow breaths and said, _“You can’t do anything for me . . . Your Dad is still alive, or he was the last I saw him . . . Go save him . . . I –“_

“Beth, just do what I said . . . if you don’t . . . expect to see me soon, because I’m not –“ 

Beth raised her voice a little to get his attention. _“Dean, stop. It’s over . . . You can’t –“_

Maybe I’m not making myself clear. “No, I mean I’m done . . . I’ll find a way to –“

_“I know what you meant. Go live your –“_

Dean ignored her and carried on with it. “Colt kills anything, but I don’t need that . . . could use any of the guns I have or –“ 

He stopped when she said, _“I’m going to hang up.”_

Slowly sitting on the bed, he tried again. “Beth . . . I need you to come back . . . please . . . not like this. Give me a chance to try and fix -“ 

He stopped when she appeared on the motel floor and quickly got off the bed. She was face down, so he rolled her, so he could get a better look. It was worse than he’d thought. She was covered in blood and pure white. Her lips were blue. “Where’s this coming from?” 

“Wrists.” 

He pulled up her sleeves and fuck . . . right wrist . . . it was bad, but the left one was really bad. She’d tried tying them off with . . . were those socks? He noticed for the first time she wasn’t wearing boots. He guessed she couldn’t really tear her shirts to make bandages with her wrists being as fucked as they were. Quickly getting up, he grabbed his and Sam’s ties for their monkey suits, so he could use them as tourniquets higher up her arm and then got a first aid kit. Maybe if he could stop the bleeding, he could get her to a hospital? 

Her left wrist really bad, so he worked on it first. The demon had really gone to town on it . . . It’d tried to tear the flesh off from what he could tell. When he was done wrapping that forearm, he started on the other one and asked, “What happened?” 

She looked at up at him and sighed. “It’s a long story . . . and I’m tired.” 

_That’s not like her._ Dean paused in what he was doing to look at her before he grabbed her wrists to put pressure on them and asked if that was too tight. 

She shook her head slightly and answered, “I lost too much blood because of the exorcism. Even if you stop the bleeding, I won’t –“

Holding onto her wrists, he brought them up between the two of them, while he straddled her body, so he could rest his forehead on hers. It always made him feel . . . just better. Didn’t matter what it was. It made him feel better. “Stop saying you’re dying . . . I’m not gonna let that happen.” 

_”I didn’t come for you to save me. I came to say goodbye, Dean. I didn’t want you to see it happen, but you sounded –“_

“You’re letting me know what you think.” 

_”I’m too tired to block you.”_ She lost a couple of tears and added, “It’s been a really bad year, Dean.”

_Don’t die and I promise that I’ll make it better._ “We get Dad back, and you and me are gonna go away . . . just the two of us. Don’t care if the yellow-eyed demon is dead or not.” 

_”I don’t understand any of this . . . I don’t know why you left . . . I don’t know why you came back . . . I don’t know why you’d say the things you just said on the phone to an ex . . . I don’t –“_

“You’ll never be an ex . . . We’ll always be together even if we’re not. Hold on . . . I need to make a phone call. I need you to promise me you’ll hold on.” 

_”Best I can do is say that I’ll try.”_

“Not good enough . . . you know what . . . I’m not going anywhere. I’ll just . . . “ This all started because of what her Dad said to him. Her Dad was kind of the only answer if God wasn’t gonna do anything. He dialed her Dad’s number, and . . . it went to voicemail. He left a message telling him that Beth was dying and gave the motel name. 

_”Who was that?”_

“Your Dad.” 

_”Oh . . .Fuck . . . What’s he gonna do when he finds out I’m gone . . . I’m all he has.”_ That sparked a little life back into her. Not much. Maybe the call was good for that if it wasn’t for anything else. He needed to come up with something else. 

“You tried asking God to heal you, and you got nothing, right?” She nodded, so he said, “But then you asked to get sent to me, and now you’re here?” She nodded again, and her breathing started getting bad . . . Her eyes looked like they were starting to lose focus, so he gave her a little shake. “Stay with me . . . Why would God do that?” 

No answer. She was dying. He needed to figure something out on his own . . . maybe she couldn’t do it for herself . . . Panicking, he let go of her wrists and put his forearms on either side of her head, so he could lean down and talk to into her ear. “Beth . . . I need you to hand it over . . . ask for me to be your POA with God the way I am with the hospitals . . . I need you to find a way to let me know when you do it. Hold on until you do . . . don’t leave me. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this without you. I won’t. I’ll –“ 

He heard Sam say, “You’ll what? What happen –“

“Not now, Sam. I’m waiting for her to give me an answer . . . Come on Beth.” He checked for a pulse, and it was there, but faint . . . wasn’t gonna hold out much longer. 

“Did you call an ambulance? Dean? Did she say where -“

“Shut up, Sam!” 

Dean went back to listening for her thoughts. “Beth . . . come on . . . give me something . . . I need –“ 

_”Try it.”_

_Now? Uh, God, fix what that demon did to her. Keep her heart beating for me. Is that it?_

Leaning closer, Dean whispered, “Did it work? Cuz if it didn’t I need you to –“ 

Sam interrupted him again. “Dean, I know you don’t want to hear –“ 

No, Dean didn’t want to hear it. He checked for a pulse. It was still faint, but it was there, so he put his forehead on Beth’s again and said, “Beth . . . if it didn’t work, I need you to try. One heart beat at a time . . . keep ‘em coming. I’ll get you to the hospital . . . just keep –“ 

“Dean-“ 

Dean, ignoring Sam, quickly moved to pick her up, so he could get her to the car. Wasn’t over. The last thing she needed to hear was someone saying that it was. It was the last thing he’d wanted to hear when his heart was giving out. He put her in the backseat of his car and . . . Yeah, she did look dead, but he knew he felt her pulse in there, and her eyes were closed, not open. She was concentrating on keeping her heart going. Yeah, that’s all it was. He checked her pulse again. Still there. 

When Dean went to climb out of the back of the car, Sam was behind him. “Dean, we need to go get Dad. If Beth told you where he was before she . . . Dean, I’m sorry, but we –“ 

Dean tried to take the keys from him, but Sam quickly pulled them away. _What the hell is wrong with him?_ “Give me the keys, Sam. I need to –“ 

“To do what? Take her to the hospital? I’m sorry. I am, but Dad is still alive. We need to go get him.” 

_”Beth isn’t dead. If we wait any longer, she will be. Why is this so hard to understand? Maybe I need to knock Sam out.”_

“I didn’t really want to have to do this, Dean.” Sam pushed Dean out of the way, climbed in the backseat, and felt for a pulse himself. “Dean, she’s gone. I don’t –“ 

_”No she isn’t. She can’t be.”_ Dean pulled Sam out of the backseat and climbed over her, so he could check for her pulse again . . . It was still there. He fucking felt it. “You’re wasting time, Sam. I need to get her to a hospital. I need –“

“to let her go. We need to go find Dad. We can give her a funeral later, but if Dad is alive, we –“ 

Dean lost his patience and yelled, “Right now, I’m the only one that knows where Dad is. You want to find him. Get in the fucking car and give me the fucking keys, Sam.” 

_”Dean?”_

_See. She is still there, or I wouldn’t have heard that._ “What is it?“ 

_”Can you stay with me?”_

“Yeah . . . sure. That doesn’t mean you’re gonna give up though, right?” 

_”I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know what you prayed, but my heart –“_

Sam pulled Dean out of the car and pushed him up against it to get his attention off of Beth and said, “Dean, you need to pull it together. I get it. I do, but right now we need to focus on finding Dad.“ 

Sam didn’t get it. Sam was already starting to move on without Jess. Dean wouldn’t be able to do that if Beth died. Dean shoved Sam off of him and quickly crawled back over her. “Beth?” Nothing? “Come on. What were you saying, Beth?” 

_”Wasn’t sure the first couple of times, but now I am. My heart keeps stopping when you aren’t touching me._

_Damn. Well is it for forever or until we get her to the hospital? What happens when the doctor’s take her from me? They’ll think she’s dead, and she isn’t, or she kind of is unless I’m touching her? What the fuck did I do?_ “Sam, go to a blood bank. Need you to get as much O negative as you can. I’m staying here with her.” 

He heard Sam sigh and start to say, “Dean-“ and he could tell by his tone Sam was going to argue with him again, so he added, “You wanna find, Dad? Do it, now.” 

Yeah, Dean was holding saving their Dad over Sam, but Beth was still alive. He wasn’t going to lose her or his Dad when they could save them both . . . but what if he was choosing her over his Dad? Is that what he was doing? No, he was saving someone that was still alive . . . but he couldn’t lose his Dad. He couldn’t lose either of them. 

He got Beth out of the car, and Sam threw him a glare, but left. On the way back to the motel room, Dean said, “Dad’s still alive, right? Tell me he’s still –“ 

_”Do you think you’re making a mistake?”_

“What? No. No, that’s not –“ 

_”I do. It’s your Dad. Just say goodbye and let go. I should be dead. I –“_

“No, I’m not leaving you. I can’t lose either of you.” 

_”I should’ve just texted you his location. I should’ve never –“_

“Yeah? Well, you did call. Can’t change it, so shut up.” Dean got her on the bed and pulled her against his chest while he sat back against the headboard. “And what kind of crap is that anyway? You want to live. You wouldn’t have handed over the God POA if you didn’t. You wouldn’t have asked me to stay with you to keep your heart going either.”

_”It was a last second panic after my heart stopped?”_

“I don’t wanna hear it.” 

_”Too bad you can’t leave, huh?”_

“Stop trying to piss me off. It won’t work.” 

_”You know you look crazy, right? You’re basically talking to a dead body.”_ He looked at her face and took a deep breath. Didn’t look good. He checked her pulse again and felt it. _”What if I am dead, and you just think you’re talking to me or feeling my pulse?”_

“That’s not gonna work. I’m not crazy. I’d know if you were dead. No way something like that happens, and I don’t know about it. Besides, Sam left with the car. What can you tell me about Dad?” 

_”I only know that Azazel possessed him, and they want the Colt. The Meg demon said they’d need him alive for the exchange, and I think she’s right.”_

“But you think it’s a trap? What do they get out of keeping him alive?” 

_”I don’t know. Maybe he wants insurance that you won’t just kill him with the Colt, and he knows you won’t if he’s in your Dad?”_

Sounded about right. He hated demons. “We’ve got time. You wanna tell me what happened?“ 

_”Now that I’m on Dean life support?”_ He smiled briefly. He guessed she kind of was. _”I got possessed. She tried to kill your Dad. I made her stop. Then I made her do the moonwalk into a devil’s trap I put up when I first got there. It was only about 3 feet behind us. Your Dad started the exorcism. The yellow-eyed demon came in through a vent or window or something. It took your Dad before he could get to a devil’s trap. It left her there. She slit my wrists to make sure I didn’t exorcise her from –“_

“Wait. So, you exorcised it. It wasn’t Dad? You can’t do an exorcism if you’re possessed.” 

He was feeling all right with things until then. Moonwalk? That’s something Beth would say. Exorcising a demon in her? It wasn’t possible, and it made him start to have doubts again on whether she was really in there or not. 

_”I think my soul weakened her . . . she kept gagging from it. Every time I thought of you, it made me a little stronger . . . I told her I was going to exercise her, and she didn’t know if I could or not . . .That’s why she slit my wrists. I waited until she grabbed my phone to look for contacts she could trick into letting us out and took control of my hand back from her. I played the exorcism voicemail. She put the phone in her left hand that I couldn’t control yet and said she’d rip my hands off. That’s why my left wrist is mangled. I lost control of her for a while until I started focusing on the watch you gave me, and then I got my right hand back and made her stop. I used the threat of playing that voicemail again to get her to tell me where Azazel took your Dad, and then . . . I just played the exorcism again, hit the speakerphone and tossed my phone out of the devil’s trap.”_

Dean wasn’t sure. There were a lot of details he wouldn’t have come up with, but he did know about that exorcism voicemail she left herself, so he could’ve made that up in his head and was just imagining that he heard her voice. The only thing he could do was keep doing what he was doing and talk to her until Sam came back with that blood.


	28. Saving Dad

I kept waking up at various states of consciousness. Some things I could remember, and some things I couldn’t. I think I remember being in the car at one point, and then I wasn’t. I really didn’t like the feeling of having my heart stop. It was unpleasant. 

_I think I’m in the Impala again now, so was I ever not in the Impala? . . . Yeah, remember they gave you two pints of blood in the motel room . . . I lost a lot more than that . . . Stop complaining. It’s more than you had._

The last thing I remember was Dean testing whether my heart would stop after they gave me the blood and telling Sam to check my pulse when he let go of me. As soon as Dean let go, I blacked out. It seemed like my consciousness was linked to Dean touching me as much as my heartbeat was, or it was until now. Maybe I’d turned a corner? That or I was dead and just hanging out in the backseat of the Impala. It wasn’t moving. I didn’t hear any voices. 

_Where are they? Where am I?_ I took a deep breath, and it seemed like my lungs were working, but I felt really weak, and sick. Maybe food would make me feel better? It’d have to be the most magical fucking food on the face of the planet to make me feel better. I felt like crap, and now I was getting a monster headache. I needed more fluids, and maybe more sugar and electrolytes, because I had to be dehydrated. What about my Dad? The last he knew I was dying. Did he ever call back? If he didn’t, maybe the demons finally decided to make a play against him. I’d been lackadaisical in my attempts to protect him, because he’s my Dad, and he can do anything, but what if he couldn’t this time for some reason? 

I had to go check on him, but first I had to open my eyes. Oh, and find my fucking sunglasses . . . too fucking bright. I felt like Gizmo. It was daylight anyway. I had to sit up. _Do I have to open my eyes to do that? No. Ugh, they didn’t change my clothes. They’re really crusty now. I need to change those and find a phone to call my Dad. I need to get some kind of a sports drink, or a couple of them. I need to try not to throw up. I also need to figure out where in the hell I am._

I had to open my eyes again after I sat up enough to rest against the door. Opening my eyes didn’t really help anything. It put me in a bad mood, because it made my head hurt worse, and we were parked . . . well, it was somewhere like any other place in the continental US. Just like that fucking warehouse where that poor girl who’d been Meg’s previous meat suit was. I just left her there. Now nobody would know where she was, because that warehouse was well and truly abandoned, and I was definitely the one that killed her. I checked her. She had a lot of lethal wounds from those daevas, and the one from when I stabbed her in the chest with my iron blade. After I found my Dad, I had to find her.

 _Where would they have gone in such a hurry that they would have a near corpse in their backseat covered in blood? ... Springfield to get their Dad . . . You need to find your own Dad. He doesn’t have anyone else, and he has never let you down . . . I’m coming Dad. Just might take me a while . . . or not._ I closed my eyes again and thought, _’God, please take me to my Dad.’_

The next thing I knew I wasn’t in the Impala anymore. I think I was laying on the floor somewhere. I felt carpet underneath of me. “Dad? Are you –“ 

I stopped when I heard his voice. “Elsbeth, I wish you hadn’t come . . . uhhh, I, uh . . . I can explain this . . . Just need you to let me out . . . Why aren’t you moving?” I rolled towards his voice, and he started to ask, “What –“ 

“Exsanguination by demon. It possessed me, I got ahold of it enough to walk it into a devil’s trap, and then it slit my wrists, and I used my phone to exorcise it. I feel like crap. Not really up for moving much.” That’s when I opened my eyes. “When did you join the circus? Why are you in a ring of fire?” 

He looked around the room, like he was expecting the bad kind of company and then looked at me. “Magic demon fire . . . They, uh, wanted to keep me here until they could get some much, much bigger fish. I think it’s taking longer to get through the back channels to find those fish than they thought it would, but they could be here any second. We need to get out of here. I need you to put the fire out, and I’ll take us somewhere safe.” 

I pushed up on my hands and knees and Dad said, “There’s a foam fire extinguisher behind the couch.” I crawled to it, and yep, sure enough, it was there. We always had fire extinguishers everwhere you wouldn’t expect them to be when I was growing up. It’s probably one of the things that led to my affinity for hiding supplies within arms reach in the event of an emergency.

As soon as I put the fire out, I collapsed, and my Dad got out of the circle, knelt beside me and said, “You’re wrists are okay now, so it’s just blood loss and organ damage from blood loss?” I nodded while he petted my head. “I’ll take care of it. Get some sleep.” 

I must’ve been tired because I went straight to sleep and woke up I don’t know how many hours later on a couch feeling a lot better. I didn’t know where I was again, but my Dad was there, and he seemed to be looking after things. “I take it you found Dean?” 

“He found me. I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t handle it very well. I wasn’t mad at you. I just didn’t want anyone to know what I was feeling. I was selfish. I thought if people felt sorry for me, it’d make it worse. I felt and still feel . . . I –“ 

“I shouldn’t have said anything to him. He wasn’t ready. He has a long road to go until he’ll really understand it, but he should feel his past somewhere deep down the way you do. I think my Father put some extra power into reseting him, so he wouldn’t.” That sounded ominous. 

“I don’t want him to feel like I do.” 

My Dad ignored that and asked if I told Dean where I was going. _Uh oh._ “I didn’t even think about it. I don’t think I was firing on all cylinders. I figured that they were getting their Dad, and my Dad didn’t have anyone else. I know Dean called you, and you didn’t answer, and I don’t think you called back from what I could remember. I wanted to get to you in case you needed help.” 

I quickly sat up and got a little light headed, so my Dad handed me a sports drink and said, “Drink this, and you should be fine. I picked you up a new phone. If you need me, I’ll be here. What do you think of the new place?” 

Taking a good look around for the first time, I smiled. “I really like it, Dad. It’s got that gingerbread house feel to it. It’s perfect . . . Do you want to come with me?” That was the first time I’d ever asked him that in all the years I’d been hunting, and you could tell he hadn’t expected me to say it, so I felt like I needed to explain. “I want to keep you safe and keeping you with me is the only way I can.” 

He laughed and said, “So, I screw up once, and you think you need to babysit me now?” 

I nodded. “Yeah . . . and I don’t want you to get bored or be lonely on your own.” 

He sighed before saying, “I don’t know. What would I do with the call girls I have coming over later?” 

“Dad! That’s disgusting. You’re coming with me, and that’s final. I’ll bring you back when I know the coast is clear.” 

My Dad shook his head and said, “I’ve got things here to set up. I tracked Dean’s phone while you were out. Drink that and take a shower, and I’ll tell you where he is.” 

I looked down at my clothes. I guess I was a mess. “I’ll compromise. I’ll do that, and then you’re coming with me.” I got up to go take a shower and ignored him saying that wasn’t a compromise.

While I was chugging my sports drink and getting cleaned up, I tried calling all of Dean’s phones a few times, and then I tried Sam, and then John. John was the only one that answered. 

_“Where are you?”_ I could ask him the same thing. 

“I don’t know. Where are you?” I was starting to rethink calling John. 

“We’re gonna have to come up with some rules on this talking to God thing. I’m guessing that’s why you disappeared. We’ve been looking for you. Thought you were taken or dead.” 

Didn’t really answer my question. “Are you still in Springfield? How do I find you?” 

Come on give me something. “I’ll send you coordinates. We’ve got some things to discuss.” He hung up. Not really surprising. He always hung up on people.

When I got back in the living room, my Dad stopped painting some kind of a ward on one of the walls and said, “Head North about 5 miles and then West another 2 miles, and Dean should be in the area.” 

_How long was I out again?_ I looked out the windows onto the front porch. We were in the middle of nowhere, not Springfield . . . even so . . . for us to be that close to Dean based on driving times and everything else, I must’ve been missing more time than I thought. I actually had no idea how long I’d even been out before I woke up in the back of the Impala either. I was such a bitch. I should’ve told Dean where I was going after all the work he put into saving me. 

“Get your coat. You’re coming with me,” I said while I grabbed my jacket. I paused when I noticed it was clean. _He was busy while I was passed out if he had time to clean this too._

I looked back up at him and could tell he was going to argue with me, so I gave him my stern look and pointed at the door, and he laughed. “Where do you think you got that? I need to stay here and finish putting these wards up.” 

_Why?_ “Is it for those big fish you were talking about?” 

He went back to painting the wards and said, “What do you think?” 

_Yeah, it was._ “If you come with me, whatever they are won’t find you.” 

He sighed and said, “It’s better for you if I don’t. The rules in this universe aren’t ones we’re used to playing by . . . I didn’t come up with them. Someone else did, and they are making it a bitch to stick to them.” 

I had no idea what he meant, but there was something he really wanted to say and couldn’t. “Do you stand out to them like a beacon the way I do?” 

He paused again. “Something like that. I’m pretty good at what I do, but face to face with my . . . big fish, they’ll know in a second who I am. They didn’t know I had you until now, so they didn’t know to look for me.” 

That sounded bad. “If you’re good at staying hidden unless you’re face to face with them, it’s better to stay on the move with me for a while to throw them off your trail, and then we can come back here. I’m guessing these were up at the old house along with anti-demon wards. I take it the demons convinced a human to get around them. The same thing could happen with the angels, and I know its angels, because they want me back, right?” 

My Dad’s shoulders slumped a little. “How’d you know?” 

I looked down and answered, “I didn’t know for sure until you said that. If there is a God answering me, then there’s something out there more powerful than demons . . . angels . . . I don’t mind demons, but the idea of angels doesn’t give me a warm fuzzy feeling. Is that why God started answering me when He did? Did God want me to think about the universe more and think that there must be angels, and if there are, that they’re bad news?” 

He glanced at me and said, “I don’t know why God started listening when He did. I’m thinking it has to do with what you can handle and what you can’t, and right now . . . at this point in your career . . . Azazel finding you and knowing how important you are is a more serious threat than I would’ve thought, so you need a little extra help . . . That’s my theory at the moment.” Well, Azazel was more a threat to my Dad than I’d thought he would be too. 

“So, are you going to get your coat, or what? It’s kind of cold out there?” 

He shook his head and answered, “You’re not going to drop this, are you?” 

_No, I’m not going to drop it. I want my Dad._

“You don’t need me, kiddo. You never have.” 

_Yes, I do._ “I spend a lot of my time being the outsider in a different family. You’re my only real family.” 

My Dad finally looked at me and said, “What about Dean? He’s your family. The two of you have a daugh – Don’t let what’s happening now shake your faith in him. He doesn’t always think things through, but he means well. He didn’t leave you because he wanted to do it. I gave him more than he could process, and his knee-jerk reaction was to think that you were better off without him. If you only knew all the things he’s done for - He’s a good man. You both have young impulsive brains right now, and you make mistakes too. You’ve been making the same mistake he did since he tracked you down, because you won’t listen to what he’s telling you, and you’re pushing him away. Neither one of you think you’re good enough for the other one, and neither one of you thinks the other one wants them now, so I guess it still fits with your 50/50 rule that’s actually working really well for you two. He needs your help. Go find him.” 

I looked down and nodded, because he was right about how things had been with Dean for the last month . . . I guess I was just scared, because what if it happened again? But I wasn’t leaving my Dad there alone. Nothing was supposed to happen to him, because to me, he was invincible, but something almost did happen to him, so I said something to my Dad that Dean would say to me. “You’re coming with me. If you don’t, I’ll start praying to the first angels I can find in a book on angels, and tell them where I am.” 

Yeah, that did not go over very well. I think that was the angriest I’d ever seen him. I didn’t necessarily see it, because he was trying to keep his cool, but I could feel a change in the air that let me know he was pissed. He pinched the bridge of his nose and turned away from me while he said in a very controlled manner, “Go out to the car . . . now. I’ll be out in a few minutes . . . I need to go to the other side of the world and blow off some steam.” 

I don’t know what he meant by going to the other side of the world, but maybe it was some kind of a euphemism for getting drunk or high, or maybe there was a bar near here called that, but how could he be out in a few minutes if he was going to a bar, or - “Elsbeth . . . just go.” Okay. 

I waited in the car and wondered what made something like that kind of blackmail work. I think the other person had to know you were serious and would follow through on it, and the person had to care about what happened to you. It’d helped me survive quite a few times when Dean did it to me, so as long as my Dad survived, I could live with him being mad, but then I started to feel guilty about it. I shouldn’t have talked to him that way. 

When he came out, he still didn’t look all that happy, but before I could apologize, he climbed into the car and said, “I am the parent. It is my job to keep you safe. I will not let you sacrifice yourself for me. If you say something like that again, I’ll just hand myself over, and you won’t see me again.” 

_Oh. Turn about’s fair play, I guess._ I put the car in drive and said, “I’m sorry I said it, because it was disrespectful, but I’m also not sorry I said it if it keeps you alive. It’s just . . . You can talk about Dean being my family, but you’re my Dad. I don’t think you understand how important that makes you to me. I think you’re more than a little like me on the emotional side of things, so you’re banking on Dean being able to give me everything I need from a family without knowing that you already give that to me, and it’s not just because you’ve taught me everything I know on how to survive, or because I get a lot of my quirks from you. I think about things we did when I was little, like making snowmen or Halloween costumes, and it makes me happy and sad at the same time, because you gave me that, but it’s in the past, and I can’t go back to when I could spend all my time with my Dad, and have fun and learn and feel safe and important and like I could do anything if I put my mind to it. You inspire me to be as good as I possibly can be at what I do, so I wouldn’t be a good hunter if it weren’t for you, and I know I have to be better, because it’s what you’d expect. You never let me down, and I almost let you down, because I took for granted that you could take care of yourself, and there is always a time in parent/child relationships, when the child has to take care of their parents. I can’t lose you. You’re too important to me, so I guess take it as a compliment if it makes you feel any better about me blackmailing you.” 

He didn’t look like he knew what to do with that any better than I would if someone said that to me, so he decided to ignore it, but I think it meant a lot to him. “So, what’s the plan when we get there?” 

I didn’t have any of the things from my bags that I would need for a demon. “We check it out and make a plan from there. I’m guessing that wasn’t John. Out of the three of them, he wouldn’t answer me at all if the other two were okay. And if they were looking for me, they should be in Springfield or near there, but they aren’t. I don’t think Dean would’ve stopped looking for me if I vanished without a trace unless something else was wrong. I just don’t understand how something could go wrong when they knew going in that John was possessed by Azazel.” 

Dad took a deep breath and looked out the window while he said, “You like graveyards, right?” 

I glanced at him, because . . . well, it was an odd thing to say in response to what I’d said, but I also knew he was going somewhere with it, and yeah, he knew I liked graveyards whether they had spirits in them or not. I liked that people, who may not even have anyone left alive that remembered them, had something that said they’d existed. “Yeah.”

“Gravestones weather away . . . the details may be lost, but important markings, like names and dates, are harder to make disappear. That’s the way Fate works. Maybe John got possessed by Azazel, and they ran into problems, because it was meant to turn out this way.” 

_Interesting way to put it._ “Nothing is truly set in stone though . . . Just have to work harder to wear it all away and get a blank slate.” I waited a few seconds and then added, “Sure would be a lot easier to do that if we knew what the markings were,” and my Dad laughed. 

“Come find me in a couple of years and tell me if you still think that.” He was acting really strange. I think having to tell Dean whatever he’d told him, me taking off, and then him getting stuck in a ring of fire had thrown him. 

When I turned west, Dad looked at me and said, “When we get there, do everything I tell you to do. You’re going in the back, and I’m going in the front.” 

_But I’m the hunter._

“You wanted me to come along, so this is the way we’re doing it. I still know a thing or two about what I’m doing. You’re just going to have to trust me on that.” 

Okay. I guess I did bring him along, and I couldn’t just leave him in the car. What if I came back out and found him in another magic demon fire circle? I guess now I got to be the element of surprise if he came in the front, but going in the front was more dangerous for him. I didn’t really think bringing him with me through, but then what else could I do? He had angels after him, and they were worse than demons.


	29. Rules of the Game

Dean knew he was dying. Whatever the fuck that yellow-eyed dickhead did to him before his Dad took control and made it stop . . . Dean wasn’t walking away from this, but he’d be damned if his Dad was going to talk his brother into killing him along with the demon just to end this. “Sam, don’t you do it. Don’t –“ 

Everything going on in the room was interrupted when the front door got kicked in and landed on the floor. Beth’s Dad was standing there and then he leaned casually against the doorframe before looking at Dean’s Dad. “Let the grown ups talk, John.” Dean’s Dad gave him a nod, and then his eyes went yellow. “Azazel, long time, no see. How’s being Lucifer’s lackey working out for you?” Dean felt himself relax. Sam would be okay now. His Dad would be okay. 

“Ga-“ Azazel stopped himself from saying Gabriel’s name, because of the look Gabriel gave him and switched what he was going to say to, “You’re not supposed to get involved.“ 

Gabriel looked at his fingernails nonchalantly and said, “See, that’s what I thought until I ended up in a ring of fire and was told you were putting the word out on where my daughter is.” 

Azazel relaxed. “Give me the names of who did it. I don’t want your brothers to know about her any more than I want to pull you into it.“ 

Gabriel laughed. “Ah, Azazel . . . I see your ability to lie hasn’t gotten any better with time. "Then his smile faded, and he casually flicked his wrist to make Azazel fly back into the wall. A devil’s trap magically appeared on the ceiling above Azazel, and Dean didn’t understand why Gabriel would put that there, because Gabriel was still using his archangel mojo to keep Azazel pinned to the wall. It’s like Gabriel wanted it to look like that’s what was holding Azazel there. 

Then there was a change in the air. Gabriel felt every bit as powerful as he had been when Dean saw his wings even though he looked normal . . . pissed, but normal as he walked towards Azazel and said, “I chose my own side after The Fall. You know where that puts my daughter, but I think you underestimated what she means to me . . . I would literally torch Heaven before I let anyone up there have her again. What do you think I’d do to you?“ 

Dean missed the rest of what was going on with them, because Beth came out of nowhere and was kneeling over him. She was a sight for sore eyes. “I thought they –“ 

Giving him an apologetic look, while she tried to help him sit up, Beth said, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I thought my Dad needed my help, and he did, but I should’ve let you know where I was going.” 

Dean was just really glad to see her. She put her hands on either side of his head while she touched her forehead to his and took a deep breath. “You know if I almost die, you don’t have to almost die too. I think that’s taking the 50/50 thing a little far.” 

He smiled and replied, “How else was I gonna let you know how serious I was about wanting you to take me back?” 

She wrapped her arms around his chest, so she could try to lift him, and he wasn’t so sure about that idea, but she distracted him before she lifted by saying, “Better be serious enough to make it the way I did.” 

_Ah, that really fucking hurts. Think I’ll just stay here._

“My Dad’s got some stuff in the car you can drink. It helps with the blood loss. We’ll figure out what Azazel did to you when we get you to a hospital.” 

_What about Azazel?_

“He’s gone, Dean.” 

Dean grunted after she tried to lift him again and said, “Dad? Is he –“ 

Leaning closer, Beth whispered, “I need you to help me get you up, so you can help your Dad convince your brother not to shoot my Dad with the Colt.” 

Dean put his arms around her and used her and the wall for support while he got his feet under him. When he was standing, he clung to her while he looked over her head to assess the situation. “Stand down, Sam . . . Give Dad the gun.” 

Sam turned to look at him and said, “No, did you see –“ 

Gripping Beth tighter as pain coursed through his body, Dean cut Sam off and gritted out, “Give Dad the gun, or I’ll take it and melt it down if it’s the last thing I do.” 

Their conversation had distracted Sam, so their Dad disarmed Sam before giving him a look and coming over to help Beth take some of Dean’s weight. It made Sam snap out of whatever the hell was wrong with him and rush over to pull Beth out of the way, so he could take Dean’s other arm. 

Beth brushed off Sam excluding her and ran out of the house. Dean slumped a little more as Sam and his Dad started walking him towards the door, and his Dad said, “Put it away, Sam. Focus on Dean.” 

_Why is Sam still giving Gabriel a hard time? He already knew Beth’s Dad was a lot more powerful than that yellow-eyed demon. I told him that._

Because Dean and Sam had already exercised the yellow-eyed demon once in the last 24 hours, the demon had put something on their Dad that kept him from being exorcised. Their choices had been: kill him, let Azazel take off with him, or fake like they believed the second exorcism had worked and find a way to trap him until they could figure out what was keeping him from being exorcised. Gabriel solved all of that, and now they had their Dad back. Dean didn’t care how Gabriel did it . . . The same way he never cared how Gabriel pulled off all the shit he’d done for them over the years. Gabriel was family no matter what he was. 

Before they’d even gotten to the door, Beth came back with whatever drink her Dad gave her. She tried to hand it to Dean, and Sam slapped it out of her hand. “Don’t touch him! I don’t want you anywhere near him. This is your fault, and you have no claim on him.“ 

Beth ignored it while she bent down to pick the drink back up and went to his Dad’s side to try again. His Dad told her to do whatever she had to do, so she handed Dean the drink in that hand, and his Dad had to let go of him, so he could shove Sam against the wall to keep Sam from attacking her. 

“Dad, can you help me with him?” Gabriel’d just been standing back and watching the whole thing. He couldn’t help on things like this until Dean or Beth asked, or that’s what her Dad had told him, so now that she’d asked, Gabriel came and took Sam’s spot. They got Dean to the car a lot faster than his Dad and Sam had been going. 

After Dean was sitting in the back of the Impala, he finally took a look at the bottle Beth had given him. “Will this stuff really work?” 

Beth looked at it and said, “It should. It helped me.” 

It looked all right. It looked like water. “Does it taste like crap?” 

Beth gave him a dry look and said, “Does it matter?” 

Not if it worked. Bottoms up . . . It wasn’t bad actually. Tasted like watermelon. Made him feel a little better almost straight away . . . took an edge off the pain at least. Gabriel was being really quiet. Maybe he was going to kick his ass for taking off on Beth? “Elsbeth, go see if you can get John and Sam to pull it together enough to put Dean first for a change.” 

Beth gave her Dad a quick nod and headed back into the house, and Gabriel crouched down in front of Dean. “Imagine my surprise when I got in there and could be myself until Beth got in there. How much did you tell Sam about me?” _Uhh . . . Some . . . not really any details._ Gabriel sighed and said, “Dean, maybe I didn’t make myself clear when we talked. Run through what I was allowed to tell you when you asked me why Azazel called Beth, North Star, so I know you know, because Beth has no idea, and I want at least one of you to be prepared.” 

“The angels that had her know she should be with me.” Dean paused to see if that was right. That was part of the reason he left. Gabriel nodded, so Dean added, “But they don’t know we’re soul mates, and they don’t know that the prophecies that mention us are meant for us, not them . . . We don’t know what prophecies they have, but it’s only a matter of time until they figure out Beth is the key to taking God’s place?” Is that it? Seemed like it was. It’s all he remembered about those prophecies anyway. 

Gabriel rolled his eyes and said, “Close enough. Azazel knows at least two of the prophecies.” 

_Azazel knows 2 out of 10 prophecies? That sounds bad._ “What the hell is he? You knew him . . . and you said something about the Fall . . . what Fall? _The_ Fall?” Gabriel looked at the drink in Dean’s hand, and Dean felt like a little kid being told to drink his juice, but he did it anyway. 

Getting the topic back on course, Gabriel said, “My daughter has a whole soul now, but they’ll still come for her now that they know where she is, and if they get ahold of her –“ 

Dean looked around their surroundings. “Are they coming here now? How the hell do they –“ 

“The year, not the place . . . yet. I could hide her in a different year, but it’s against the rules this time around.” _Who made these rules?_ Gabriel gave him a look. _God?_ God was really starting to piss Dean off. “She needs to stay on the move, and you’re good at that. If they find her, they will rip her soul apart again, so she can get the tablets for them, because they think she’s expendable. She’ll have to go through it all again. You need to be careful whom you tell about any of this . . . Remember that the consequences are real here just like real life. What you walk away with at the end of this is what you’ll have to live with later.” 

_The consequences are real? Why does that seem familiar?_ “What about you?” 

Gabriel sighed and said, “She wants me to come with her on the road, but I can’t. I need to set up a place that is impenetrable, so she has somewhere safe to go. For it to be as good as it needs to be to hold off my brothers, it will take more time than I normally have to spend on things like this . . . that and me being near her might draw too much unwanted attention.” 

“And you don’t want to change too much, right?” Dean said finishing off that bottle and grabbing another one next to him on the seat. This stuff was even better that gel Gabriel gave them. 

“Can’t change too much . . . big difference.” So, it wasn’t just about keeping the other archangels finding them. It was one of the rules God gave Gabriel. 

Dean looked at sports bottle and said, “You found a way around the rules. You can help however you want after-the-fact.” Gabriel didn’t answer that one way or the other, but the drink in Dean’s hand was a good enough answer for Dean. “Do you know a way to hide us from them out on the road . . . some kind of a permanent mark you can put on us?” 

Gabriel grinned and said, “You asking?” 

Dean started to nod and then said, “Son of a bitch,” when Gabriel touched him, and it felt like his lungs were being branded. 

“Just putting them back . . . Think there’s more hidden in that head of yours than either of us thought.” Gabriel looked back at the house and added, “Beth knows where to find me, but it’s a little too close to here. She likes the house. Think I’ll move it to a different part of the country. I’ll let you know where. Call if you need anything, and don’t leave my daughter anymore. You brought her here, and it is your responsibility to make sure she comes back in one piece.” 

Gabriel disappeared, and Sam and their Dad came storming out of the house a few minutes later. Beth wasn’t far behind. She looked annoyed with Sam. His Dad was pissed at Sam too, and it didn’t look like Sam liked having those markings put on his ribs. Dean wondered what Gabriel told Beth to explain that one to her. Probably didn’t have to tell her anything. She never questioned anything her Dad did.

Dean got out of the car because Sam was bitching to their Dad and Beth about how Dean needed to go to the hospital. “I’m good, Sam. I don’t need to go to the hospital unless Beth wants to sneak me in and run some experiments on me. This works even better than that Christmas stuff he –“ 

Sam grabbed the bottle out of his hand, and Beth dodged around their Dad, so she could intervene. She disarmed Sam of the bottle before he could open the cap and dump what was left of it out and then she tossed the bottle behind her back to Dean. When Sam took a couple of steps closer to get in her personal space and try to intimdate her, she held her ground and said with an edge to her voice, “Don’t touch it again.” 

In the entire time Dean had known her, she hadn’t been physically confrontational with Sam. Dean went to get involved, but his Dad came up beside him and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder to stop him. “Stay here and drink that. I’ll step in if it needs to be done.” 

It didn’t look like it was going to come to blows . . . more like Sam asking her what the hell she was, and her saying, “I’m human. What the hell are you, psychic boy?” and Sam saying that was real mature. 

Dean glanced at his Dad and said, “Why did you watch them at the motel in Salvation? It wasn’t so you could get the Colt if you stayed quiet, and it wasn’t so you could see how she moved the pieces into play for your game.” 

His Dad’s eyes stayed on Beth and Sam, while he answered. “I know there was a rough patch for a few months . . . When’d he go back to being her bodyguard?” Dean looked at his Dad, and his Dad explained what he’d meant. “Sam is as stubborn as me when he gets something in his head . . . probably why we’ve always butted heads. How’d he go from wanting to kill her to looking up to her again? Only way he’d ever let anyone scold him the way she did then . . . or the way she is now is if he’d turned a corner. I know what she thinks. What’s your take on it?” 

Wasn’t really expecting that. One, his Dad was asking his opinion. Two, his Dad let him in on what he was thinking. Three, his Dad was actually studying Sam, not Beth and Sam. “Wasn’t overnight. After the rawhead hunt, it seemed like he wanted to be my brother again, so he stopped trying to take her from me for –“ 

“What do you mean take her from you?” 

Dean glanced in Sam’s direction, and Sam was looking off to the side in a huff after something Beth had said. Dean’s gaze returned to his Dad. His Dad had meant how did Sam go from literally wanting to kill her to looking out for her again. Beth must’ve told his Dad, so now his Dad wanted Dean to either confirm or deny it. She had a big mouth sometimes. He should deny it . . . maybe say Sam was hitting on her or – 

“Dean, I already know he tried to kill her. You said it when you were drunk as a skunk in Colorado. She filled in the details for me about a case with a shifter. I want to know if there were any other times. You didn’t want him going anywhere near her . . . thought he would try it again. Why would you believe that if he’s turned a corner the way it seems he has?” 

_I had the big mouth this time._ Dean took a deep breath and said, “Don’t really remember why I said it in Colorado, but . . . off the top of my head maybe it’s because every time he’s pissed at me, he takes out on her . . . He was probably pissed off with me, and maybe I thought he’d blame her for me being the way I was . . . but like I said. I don’t really remember it, and that shifter case was the only time I know of that he tried . . . rest of the time was just him trying to break us up every chance he got.”

His Dad leaned back against the car and said, “So, him trying to kill her was about you, not her?” 

“Yeah, I guess. He blamed me for saving Beth and not being able to do anything for Jess.” He didn’t want his Dad to get the wrong impression of how Sam was now, so Dean decided to answer his Dad’s first question on when Sam turned things around. “After the rawhead hunt, we thought there was a case in Hibbing, Minnesota, but it was just a fucked up family that liked hunting people . . . Beth and Sam got taken by the family, and they had to work together to try and get out of it until I found them . . . She always would’ve taken the lead on a hunt with just the two of them, but he would’ve bitched and moaned the entire time the way he is now if he thought he knew better than her. I think he didn’t know what to do that time, so he needed her to take the lead. After that is when things really changed.” 

His Dad exhaled and said distractedly, “That’s when she went back to being like his big sister instead of collateral damage.” Maybe that was a good way to describe it. His Dad glanced at him. “But you still think it’s a possibility he could go back to it given the right circumstances?” 

_Because I said something stupid while I was drunk?_ “No, I mean . . . I was drunk. You can’t hold that –“ 

“You were with it enough to send us off chasing our tails in Chicago when you knew where she was really going. Tell me more about this Max kid.” _Oh fuck._ Dean’s breath caught in his throat. That hadn’t come from him. His Dad leaned closer and said, “Dean, you heard the demon in there . . . You know he has a plan for them. I want to know about Max, not your brother.” 

_Is Sam gonna turn out like that Max kid?_ Dean knew better than to ask any questions, like how many there were . . . how many went bad? His Dad wouldn’t answer him on any of it. “Uhh, well . . . his powers started around the same time as that fire in Stanford.” 

“Around the same time Sam’s did?” 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, but Sam’s . . . his were dreams . . . wasn’t until that case with Max that he started having visions during the day, but he doesn’t have them very often. Max was using his powers the whole time . . . practicing. His Dad and his uncle beat him from the time he was a little kid . . . beat him again the week before he finally decided to do something about it . . . locked the Dad in his car with the car running . . . made a window fall and cut his uncle’s head off . . . was gonna kill his stepmom even though she never hit him, because she never did anything to stop it.” 

His Dad watched Dean to read his reaction to the next question and said, “And he killed himself?” 

Dean took a deep breath. “Yeah, but the only reason he had my gun is because I brought it with me. Sam calmed him down, but he saw my gun and was a hell of a lot faster than I was expecting at getting it from me. He was powerful . . . maybe not as powerful as the yellow-eyed demon, but at least as powerful as a lower level demon with his telekinesis . . . knocked Beth and Sam into a closet, shut the door, and pushed a big cabinet in front of the door before any of us could do anything about it.” 

He knew his Dad had the answers to all the questions he’d been asking himself all year, and he finally had a chance to ask them. Maybe he should, even if his Dad wouldn’t answer them. “Dad, is the yellow-eyed demon trying to collect people with powers, or does he make them happen?” 

His Dad ignored the question and glanced at Sam and Beth. It looked like they were friends again, so his Dad said, “Come on . . . we need to regroup and finish this.” Yeah, the sooner the better. Dean was ready for this to be over too.


	30. 2 Days

Rogue may have helped Cas get through yesterday, but today was a different story. 2 days. He decided to go seek Chuck out in between classes. Chuck was still teaching literature, and Cas was teaching History and Lore. He needed to find out how things were going. The suspense as a human was much more difficult to live with than when he was an angel.

Walking into Chuck’s classroom after the last child filed out, Cas saw Chuck at the front of the class erasing a blackboard with his assignment on it. He didn’t look very God-like right now. “What is it you want to know, Castiel?” Chuck still called him Castiel the same way Gabriel did. It annoyed Cas somewhat, but unlike with Gabriel, he didn’t think he should tell Chuck that it annoyed him. 

“Are they still alive?”

Chuck turned to look at him and said, “Well, you held off on asking that longer than I would’ve thought. You haven’t even asked what they decided yet.” He hadn’t thought he should. Chuck didn’t want them to know one another’s choices. “I didn’t want you to know before your choice has been made. I don’t think you listen any better than Dean.” As far as comparisons go, Cas didn’t mind being compared to Dean. “They chose to do the training. They’ve survived this last year they were put through pretty well. There were some near misses, but they found a way around them, and Gabriel has been finding a way to bend the rules I gave him to help them when that’s not enough.”

Cas felt himself relax. “You gave Gabriel the option to go with them too?”

Chuck shrugged before casually sitting at his desk. “I told Dean I’d ask his family, and Gabriel is a part of that family.”

“You didn’t ask Rogue.”

Chuck thought about how to answer that and said, “She wouldn’t have fit. The period of time where they are happened long before she was born.” 

“But she can go with them on the mission?” 

Chuck’s eyebrows rose in slight surprise. “I did tell Dean that. I didn’t say it to you.”

Cas slumped. He was disappointed he’d been right on that. “Yes, well, this particular mission you want them to do seems important, and they will not want to leave her again if they make it back from this training you have them doing. I think the only way they would do the mission is if they could bring her with them. How much danger will she be in if she goes?”

“With all of you there? Less than she’s in now with this universe being the way that it is.” 

Cas came up to sit at one of the desks at the front of the classroom and said, “Then why make their training so difficult?”

Chuck relaxed and put his feet up on his desk before saying, “Because they won’t know the future in many of the places they are sent on the mission any better than they do where they are right now. They need to remember what that's like again. And they need to be able to look back and compare what happened the first time to what happens this time . . . right now, Sam blowing up this universe is the only way they’ve seen that works at changing Fate, but I don’t really want them destroying every place I send them. Sometimes, it’s changing the steps along the way that make the biggest cumulative impact . . . Plus, I want to see what they do this time around . . . I’m finding it highly entertaining. They’ve changed a lot already.”

“Have they changed enough?”

Chuck leaned back to look up at the ceiling and said, “It’s hard to say. Beth wasn’t there at all the last time. She’s-“

“But Rachel was.”

Chuck looked at Cas and said, “Yeah, but not for as long, and Gabriel wasn’t around because of her the way he is because of Beth. The downside is that angels and demons still want her because of the prophecies, and that is a little above their pay grade at the moment. Dean and Sam’s emotional journeys have changed dramatically. Like I said, sometimes, it’s the small things along the way that make the biggest impact. I’m looking forward to seeing how they get through the next year.”

Cas sighed and tried not to let his frustration at Chuck’s amusement at their lives being in peril get to him. “And Sam? Has he –“

Chuck exhaled a deep breath and said, “It’s been hit and miss with Sam. I did tell him the dark part he fed while he was destroying this universe would be harder for him to control without his memories. He’s only tried to kill Beth once, so it could be worse . . . On the other hand Azazel hasn’t had a chance to really get started on trying to recruit him yet.”

Cas thought through what he knew about there lives. “That should happen today, correct?” Chuck nodded in affirmation, and Cas said, “Then the deal will be struck at the end of it?” 

In response, Chuck shrugged and said, “I don’t know. I still help Beth out when she needs it, and Gabriel is there.”

Cas’s eyes narrowed in thought. “But Gabriel has rules he has to follow, and if they are in the past, then Michael and Raphael are still alive, so they could kill him . . . and you seem to follow some kind of a code when you help her that I don’t think you will explain, or at least not to me . . . so even with help, it won’t necessarily be easy.”

“It’s not meant to be easy. Even as things stand, I’d give them a . . . 25% of changing things enough that they all come back at the end. But the chances were more like 5% when they started. They’re making progress, and most of that was made this last year. They still have 2 more years to go.” Chuck sighed at the look Cas gave him and then dropped his feet to the ground before sitting forward. “We’re all on the same team, Castiel. They need to learn the lessons I told you and some I didn’t.”

Chuck had finally admitted that there was more he was not telling him, so Cas said, “I suppose they need to learn how to work together better . . . was it a mistake for me not to go with them if that’s one of the lessons they’re supposed to learn?”

Chuck smiled and said, “Are you trying to trick more answers out of me?” 

_Perhaps._

Chuck laughed, and then said, “I think you choosing to stay here with Rogue was noble. The children around here also need you, and things around here are going to require your restraint very soon. I think the news that Beth and Gabriel are missing might be about to hit . . . The kids around here aren’t going to like that.”

If Chuck was saying that to try and take Cas’s focus off of questioning him further, it worked. The teens around here were a handful at the best of times. “How are they going to find out?” 

Chuck glanced at the door behind Cas and said, “Ivan, Yuri, and Max have gotten there to relieve them of their posts and are looking for them as we speak. I think they’ll radio in Beth’s abandoned truck and tell Jody what the people at the camp have to say about how they disappeared. It happened almost 2 weeks ago, and she and Gabriel haven’t been here. They could just be out there on another mission they heard needed to be dealt with straight away, but you know how people tend to overreact. ”

“The camp has been unprotected for this long?”

Chuck sighed and looked at him. “The snow may be melting, but the camp is high up in the mountains and driving to get there still takes a while. Nothing else is near the camp. Gabriel made sure of that before I contacted him.”

“But they won’t trust us . . . If Gabriel and Beth just disappeared, the people in the camp may have fled or maybe they might even attack the people from our camp who are there to help them.”

Chuck relaxed back in his chair again and said, “You’re learning the human condition remarkably well, Castiel, but I think you underestimate how important things like food and blankets are to people who haven’t had either in too long . . . Beth had time to give her pitch. Time will tell, but I think they’ll be okay . . . they’ll be better allies to this camp than Kansas and Iowa.”

“Even with Bobby in Kansas?”

“He can rebuild the camp and lead them, but the most corruptible hearts are there.” 

That was good to know. Cas stood to leave and said, “I can talk to you tomorrow about how today went for them?” 

“Sure.”

“Okay . . . I’ll tell Jody that Beth and Gabriel may be . . . on their way to the Alpha Vamp Army with Dean and Sam, since that’s what I told them about where Sam went.”

Cas stopped at the door when he heard Chuck say, “Do that . . . but maybe work on your ability to lie, Cas . . . You still aren’t very good at it.” Well, he may not be as good at it as Chuck, but he thought he was better at it than he used to be. He just didn’t lie to his family anymore. Right now he had to go give lunch to the only family he had left if Gabriel, Dean, Beth, and Sam didn’t come back the day after tomorrow.


	31. Something Unexpected

I stood motionless in the middle of the hall. There was a buzz of activity around me, but it was moving in slow motion. Sounded was distorted, muted, and dull. Sam was saying something to me, but I didn’t understand it. He got frustrated and grabbed my hand to pull me with him. The room where he was taking me wasn’t one I wanted to go to but it didn’t look like I had much of a choice in the matter. 

Or maybe I did. Sam looked back at me just before he went through the door and looked sad for a second before he said something else and went into the room on his own to talk to the doctor. I felt like this after Dean was electrocuted, but not to this scale. From my spot out in the hall, I could see him on the bed with wires and tubes sticking out him. 

One second he and his Dad were driving in the Impala in front of the car Sam and I were in and the next a truck came out of nowhere and slammed into them. It shouldn’t have happened. We weren’t in a hurry. We were on our way to the nearest town to get some food and a place to stay for the night, so we could come up with a new plan. The impact is when things had started moving in slow motion. Sam got out of the car before me, and I guess the truck driver must’ve been possessed, because he pulled the Colt on him. I stayed where I was and slowly called 911 before I got out. The Impala was destroyed. The demon had fucked off when Sam threatened it with the Colt. He’d already gotten to the Impala by the time I – I didn’t want to think about it right now.

Somehow my feet had carried me into the room without me really noticing. _”Oh, screw you, Doc, I’m wakin’ up.”_ The doctor left a couple of minutes later, so I said, “You should go check on your Dad.” 

Sam hesitated. “You’ll be okay if –“ 

I nodded, and he went to go ask someone where his Dad’s room was. As soon as he was gone, I looked to my left where I’d heard Dean’s voice and said, “You’re not where you should be. Can you get back into your body, or did you just get bored of lying around?” 

_”You can hear me?”_

I turned towards the direction his voice was coming from now. “Yeah . . . loud and clear.” 

_”You’re not gonna start going through my head now, are you? Don’t want you knowing how many dirty things I think in a day.”_

“Why? You already say them to me.” 

It sounded like he was right in front of me when he said, _“That’s the clean dirty . . . I mean filthy dirty.”_

I smiled. “I don’t know what you’re thinking. Think I can just hear you talking wherever you are . . . Are you patting the top of my head, like I’m a dog?” 

_”You can feel that?”_

“Yeah . . . kind of. It’s –“ 

_”Wonder what other things I can make you feel.”_

“Stop it . . . You’re not supposed to be horny. You’re dying.” 

_”That’s the best time for it, and it’s been a while . . . thought I’d . . . thought we’d . . .”_ He trailed off, and I ducked my head. Yeah, I thought we’d have more time too. We were going to fix things between us, or I’d hoped we would, but now I didn’t know if we could. _”FBI agent and mechanic is looking pretty good right about now, huh?”_

I took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay and said with a sad smile, “Yeah . . . but we fixed your heart, so we could still be partners, and I wouldn’t get in trouble for going over the cases with you at night.” 

_”I can’t get back in my body . . . Think that means something?”_

“Nothing good.” 

_”You tried asking God to fix this?”_

“Yeah, ever since I found you in the car. I don’t understand the rules. Wanna try and switch off on it again? Or I know you’re intubated right now, but I brought some of that drink my Dad gave us. There’s not a lot left, and drowning you isn’t advisable, but I could try – “ 

_”Why do you always look like that when I’m dying?”_

I looked down at my clothes and said, “Because you bleed on me?” 

It sounded like he laughed. _”No, you’re pale and look tired.”_

“I don’t know. What did you look like when I was dying?” 

_”Probably better than you.”_

“Thanks?” 

_”You should get some sleep.”_

“I don’t want to sleep. I want to –“ 

_”I’m gonna go check on Dad. Stay here and crawl up next to me.”_

“You want me to lay next to your body? You won’t be there. It’d be like – “ 

_”Do it for me.”_

“It’s kind of weird though isn’t it?” 

_”I’ll let you do whatever you want to try and fix my body if you – “_

“Can’t exactly stop me from doing that right now, can you?” 

_”I’m still here, and as long as I am, I’m gonna take care of you.”_

“Go find your Dad.” 

All in the room was quiet for a minute, so I looked at his charts and turned to leave. _”Where you going, Beth?”_

I slumped and said, “You didn’t go find your Dad?” 

_”Nope. Thought I’d stick around to see if you’d do what I asked.”_

“Do you know where my first aid kit is? I was going to get what was left of that cream my Dad gave us. Your brain is starting to swell. I think I can stop it with that.” 

_”If I don’t make it out of this . . . you gonna listen to anything I ask you to do?”_

“Why? Are you going to follow me around like this after you go?” 

_”No, I mean if it looks like I’m not gonna make it . . . if I asked you to give up hunting as a dying request, would you?”_

“You asking?” There was silence again, so I started heading for the door. 

_”It was in the trunk.”_ I stopped dead in my tracks. Fuck. _”How bad is she?”_ I didn’t want to answer that. I didn’t want him to get upset. _”Lay it on me.”_

“You’re going to have to rebuild her from the lug nuts up.” 

_”Do you know what lug nuts are? They’re –“_

“Yeah, they keep the wheels on . . . she looks kind of how you’d expect if someone put her in one of those car compactors.” 

There was silence again for at least a minute. _”Have Bobby tow her to his place . . . guess you’ll be taking a lot of showers.”_ I exhaled a laugh and turned to my right where I assumed he was standing. _”Think you gave me a reason to fight harder to stick around . . . she’s really that bad?”_ I bit my bottom lip and nodded. _”Shit. I can’t leave her like that . . . I can’t leave you like this . . . intubated . . . that’s the hose down my throat, right?”_

I looked back at his body and sighed. “Yeah, it’s helping you breathe.”

 _”Take it out. Pour that stuff down my throat. If they kick you out, sneak back in, but I’m not giving up that easy.”_

I went to where I think he was standing by the foot of his bed. He was probably looking down at his body, so I took a good look at it too. I could do this. “Okay.” 

_”Get some sleep first . . . won’t get any if you get caught and have to break back in.”_

“I can sleep when I know you’re all right.” 

_”You look worse than you did 5 minutes ago.”_

“No, I don’t. You’re just exaggerating to get what you want.” 

_”No, I’m not. Go look at yourself in that mirror.”_

What mirror? I looked around the room until I saw what he was talking about and went over to look. “I look the same, Dean.” 

_”Not to me you don’t.”_

“Well, then you’re seeing something I can’t see . . . probably something nobody else can see.” 

_”You think so?”_

“Do you really think I look bad?” 

_”Not bad. You could never look bad . . . just like your batteries are draining.”_

“You think it’s the kind of thing a nap could fix?” 

_”I don’t know . . . It worked the last time.”_

“Maybe that’s because you were getting better when I woke up.” 

_”You think it’s because of what’s happening with me?”_

“I don’t know . . . I can’t see what you’re seeing. I’m just trying to come up with reasons for why you’re seeing something I don’t . . . maybe it’s a soul mate thing. You’re Dad always did say –“ 

_”If I wanted to keep you safe, you had to stay with me . . . if you go, I go . . . If I go, you go? What the hell is that?”_

I shrugged and said, “What it is, I guess.” 

_”No. You can’t die . . . There are things worse than -- Go rip that tube out. I want it done now.”_

“Is this because of the angels?” 

_”You remember?”_

“No, just a feeling . . . after God started granting wishes, I started thinking if there is a God, there must be angels. I don’t particularly care when I’m around a demon, but I don’t think I’d like to be around an angel.” 

He thought that was funny for some reason, because he laughed. “What?” 

_”Nothing. Go try your thing.”_

I went back over to his bed to switch off the alarms on the machines and grabbed the one drink bottle left out of the ones my Dad gave me before I went back over to him and untaped the tube from his face. I paused before I did anything else and said, “You’re sure?” Silence. _Did he go look for his Dad?_

_”What the hell did you do?”_

I looked down at his body and said, “You’re in there now?” 

_”Yeah, I got sucked in here when you touched me.”_

“What happens if I don’t touch you?” 

_”Try it.”_ I took a step back and waited for about half a minute before I almost jumped when I heard him say, _”Think I found a way to make you stay in that bed with me,”_ right next to my ear. 

“What if I do my thing and get kicked out?” 

_”Hold off on it. Maybe I’ll get better on my own if I’m actually in there.”_

“You wanna try it?” 

_”Yeah, ready when you are.”_ I took a deep breath and touched his shoulder, reached back with my foot to pull a chair closer, and used it to sit next to his bed. _”Thought you were gonna curl up next to me.”_

“You’re in critical condition, Dean.” As a compromise, I put my head on his shoulder and and arm over his chest. 

_”That’ll work. Try to sleep. I wanna see if you wake up looking any better.”_

“Okay. I’ll give it a try, but I can’t make any promises.” I made myself a little more comfortable and drifted off.

Half an hour later, I woke up to John coming into the room. “Mind if I?” Leaving my right hand on Dean’s shoulder, I quickly got up to give John my chair. The poor man had a broken arm and leg from the looks of things. Looking at my hand, John asked, “What are you doing?” 

_”Tell him. See if he has any ideas.”_

“Uh . . . the only way he can stay in his body is if I’m touching him, so . . . that’s what I’m doing.” 

John seemed to relax a little. “Harder for a reaper to take him if he’s still attached to his body.” 

_”Reaper?”_

“Dean wants to know what you mean.” 

John looked over at Dean and said, “He was out of his body and didn’t hear one?” 

_”What do they sound like?”_

“He wants to know what they sound like.” 

John sat back in his chair and said, “Could sound like a normal person, or in their natural form, they could be silent or wail like a banshee. He doesn’t have anything wailing over the bed right now, does he?” 

_”No . . . heard some chick out in the hall shouting for help earlier, but I haven’t heard anything since I’ve been in here.”_

“Not right now . . . He heard some girl out there in the hall shouting for help earlier, but it stopped when he got back in his body.” 

John pondered that and then said, “Right away or took a little while?” 

_”Right away.”_

I looked at John and said, “He says right away.” 

John took a deep breath and shook his head. “Keep him in his body. Don’t let him out again.” Then he nodded towards the machines and said, “Noticed the alarms are all off. What were you two planning?” 

Looking at the bottle by the foot of his chair, I said, “I was going to take the intubation tube out and pour some of that drink my Dad gave us down his throat, but we figured this out before I could. He thought maybe he’d have a better chance of getting better if he was in his body and wanted to try that first in case I get kicked out for doing the other thing.” 

John looked at Dean and said, “Do the other thing while I’m here. I’ll take the rap for it, so you can stay here with him while you’re waiting for it to work.” 

_”He doesn’t think this is enough?”_

“Dean wants to know why you don’t think this is enough.” 

John didn’t like to be questioned, but right now he wasn’t sure which one of us to be upset with if Dean was asking, so he said, “You shouldn’t be able to hear what he’s thinking. You should have to wait until he’s awake, like the rest of us . . . When you stop being able to hear him, you know he’ll be all right . . . Make sure you put on a good show for the doctors . . . Have Sam come find me if it doesn’t work.” 

John handed me the bottle and got up so he could go be the lookout, and I looked down at Dean. “You ready?” 

_”You didn’t happen to call your Dad did you?”_

“I’ll call him when you’re okay . . . Why would I call him now?”

_No reason . . . Guess I don’t have much choice, do I?”_

“I guess not. This is probably going to be unpleasant.” 

_”Can’t really feel anything except where you’re touching me. Think I’ll be all right. Just don’t drown me.”_

_Check with John to make sure we’re in the clear . . . We are . . . Deep breaths . . . steady hands, and . . . go!_ I was as fast about removing the tube as I could be, while also doing everything I could not hurt Dean or cause permanent damage to his vocal cords . As soon as the tube was out, I put my arm under his head to lift it up and saw his monitors flashing. _Better make this fast._ Quickly taking the lid off the bottle, I brought it to Dean’s lips and poured it in . . . It was going everywhere. 

I got about a quarter of a bottle actually into him and John said, “Hurry it up, Beth . . . They must have alarms in the nurses station.” 

I didn’t think I’d given him enough, but I was out of time, so I put his head down, ran around the bed, splashed John with what was left of the drink, so it looked like we’d fought over it, and then handed the bottle to him before knocking my head off the foot of Dean’s bed as I fell on the floor about 3 seconds before the nurses came running into the room. Clutching the side of my head, I pointed at John and said, “I tried to stop him . . . I don’t know what he was –“ 

The female nurse went straight to Dean and put in a call for a doctor, while I picked myself up off the floor and put my hand on Dean’s foot to make sure he went back to his body if he’d gotten out of it again. The male nurse tried to get John out of the room, and John put up a hell of a fight for a guy with one arm and one leg. After passing off to security out in the hall, the male nurse came back in a minute later. When he got to me, he looked like he was going to strong arm me into leaving too until he saw the blood running down the side of my face.

His expression changed, and he helped me sit in a chair, so he could clean me up and get me to calm down. Part of me being upset was an act, but it wasn’t a hard part to play, because with the way they were working on Dean, I wondered if I’d just killed him. One of the nurses had been shouting at me to find out what happened, but I hadn’t heard her, so the nurse in front of me asked, “You wanna tell me what happened?” 

I nodded and said tearily, “I was asleep next to the bed, and I woke up when I heard these awful sounds . . . His Dad was pouring some kind of a liquid down his throat . . . I tried to stop him . . . I don’t know how . . . how could I miss something like that? I should’ve heard something . . . why didn’t I hear anything?” 

I hung my head, and he put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me while he looked over his shoulder and told them what I’d said. They’d gotten Dean stabilized, and now that they had, they were talking about taking him down to get a chest CT to see how much had gone into his lungs. They started to wheel Dean away, and I asked, “Is he gonna be okay?” 

The nurse finished bandaging up the side of my head and said, “You took quite a knock to the head. Maybe I should –“ 

Watching Dean until I couldn’t see him anymore, I said, “As long as he’s okay, I’ll be okay.” 

The nurse pushed out a breath and said, “You look tired. Why don’t you go down to the canteen and get some coffee. I’ll let you know when they bring him back.” 

I cried a little more and said, “I don’t like coffee,” and he smiled. 

“How about tea or hot chocolate?” 

I nodded, and he helped me stand before saying, “You’re sure you’re okay? I don’t want you to collapse if -“ 

Sniffling, I said, “Do you really think I’m going to collapse.” 

Was he worried about a lawsuit, or was he starting to be able to see me the way Dean could before he got back in his body? If I was starting look the way Dean saw me, then I was getting worse, and maybe that meant that what I’d just done to Dean had made him worse. The nurse took his pin light out of his pocket and had a look at my eyes. “I think you’ll be okay. You’ve just had a bit of a shock. I’ll come find you when they’re done.”


	32. Surreal

Dean sat up and tried to gasp for air, and then started to panic as he pulled at the tube in his mouth. _What the hell is going on? Get it out of me!_ Sam called for help, and a nurse came in a couple of seconds later. She stopped short when she saw Dean and then quickly helped him with his tube before running out to get a doctor. 

After she left, Sam grinned and looked back at Dean. “Think she was expecting it to be like the last time they got called in here.” Dean relaxed back into the pillow while he waited for Sam to explain. He didn’t feel like talking with the way his throat felt. “Dad pulled your breathing tube out and poured that drink Mr. Foley gave us into you.” 

_Mr. Foley?_ Dean looked around the room. _Where’s Beth?_ Sam intuited that’s what he was thinking and said, “They sent her to the canteen while they took you out to run tests on you. I got back around the time they were bringing you back. One of the nurses said he’d go update her on what was happening.” 

_If she was here when it happened, I bet she’s the one that did it._ “Any more of that stuff? Feel like crap.” 

Sam shook his head and smiled. “You’re just going to have to suck it up and heal the hard way, I think.” _Not sticking around here to do it._ Sam must’ve known that’s roughly what he was thinking because he said, “You’re not going anywhere until you get the all clear. It was way too close this time, Dean.” 

The doctor came in after that and wanted to run more tests. _Didn’t they just run tests?_ Sam agreed with the doctors. To keep him happy, Dean agreed to it. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind to really put up much of a fight about anything. Something felt wrong . . . in a good way, but it still felt wrong, and he didn’t know why. It was making him feel uneasy and a little detached from everything at the same time. 

After the tests were over, they brought him back, and the doctor said Dean wasn’t going to be at 100% for a few weeks, but he was, ‘out of the woods,’ apparently. Beth got there while the doctor was filling Sam in on it. She’d been hurt. _How’d that happen?_

After the doctor left, Dean said, “Think you could go check on Dad, Sam?” 

Sam breathed out a quick laugh. “He’s in the psych ward. I don’t think they’ll let me see him, but I can see how long they’re going to hold him.” _Psych ward?_

When Sam was gone, Dean pointed to Beth’s head, and she said, “The nurses were coming, so I made it look like I fell trying to stop your Dad from pouring that sports drink into you. He wanted me to make it believable.” She always went over the top to sell a story.

“Take it things were bad?” 

She glanced back at the doorway to make sure they were alone and then answered, “You might’ve heard a reaper out in the hall, and the only way you could get back in your body was if I was touching you, so your Dad said he’d take the fall for it. It didn’t quite work out the way we planned. You got taken down for tests, and I couldn’t go with you.” 

“Can’t escape a reaper, Beth.” 

“What if there’s not a reason for you to be taken by one anymore? Maybe we erased, ‘your time to go.’” 

_Is that even possible?_ “You didn’t do anything else? Dad didn’t? What about Sam?” 

She looked towards the door again and said, “I don’t know where Sam was. Your Dad said something about having Sam come find him if the drink didn’t work.” 

Dean wanted to talk to Sam to find out where he’d been. Until then . . . he moved over and patted the side of the bed. It felt like her being closer was something he needed. As soon as she climbed in next to him, it made him feel better. If everything else felt cold and surreal, she felt warm and safe. That’s the only way he could describe it. 

When Sam came back, Dean hoarsely said, “What were you doing while I was out?” 

“For starters, I had to call Bobby and sort out the insurance. Then Dad had a list of stuff he wanted me to get for protection against a demon. I went to go meet up with Bobby, and he told me that the stuff on the list was for summoning one, so when I came back, I was going to confront Dad about it, but he wasn’t in his room. I came here, and they told me he’d been taken to the psych ward. He’ll be there for 72 hours. Anything he was planning, he can’t do now.” 

Wouldn’t Sam have known what the stuff on the list was for without Bobby’s help? “It was different than the stuff Beth gave us to use?” 

Sam nodded while he handed Dean some ice and said, “Yeah, maybe it was because he didn’t want me to know what it was and because anything she had . . . “ 

_Why’d he stop talking?_ “Wait . . . why was Bobby here? Was it just to give you the stuff on the list?“ 

Sam looked at Beth, and Beth took a deep breath. _”Guessing you really don’t remember any of the things we said while you were out, huh?”_ Dean looked at her, and she slumped before she said, “The Impala is in bad shape. You’re going to have to rebuild her . . . maybe the lug nuts might be usable, but that’s about it.” 

Dean quickly said, “Do you know what the lug nuts are, because –“ 

Beth cut him off with a laugh. “Yeah, they keep the wheels on . . . Sam, tell him.” 

Sam, looking awkward, responded, “Bobby said it wasn’t worth towing, so we should empty the trunk and sell the rest for scrap –“ 

Dean sat up in a panic. “Tell me you didn’t . . . Sam –“ 

Sam put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I told him even if there was only one part still working, that was enough . . . I think the lug nuts on the driver’s side might be all right . . . the engine’s ruined . . . frame’s a pretzel.” 

Dean covered his face with his hand and laid back down. He didn’t even know what to say to that other than, “How’d it happen?” 

Sam pulled his chair closer to the bed and took a seat before saying, “A demon possessed a guy driving a Mack truck. It must’ve been waiting for us when we left.” 

Dean pulled his hand away from his face and blinked a couple of times. “Didn’t find out what’s it name was did you, cuz I think I’m gonna hunt it down after I get done fixing her.” 

Sam snorted while he shook his head. “No, I threatened to shoot it with the Colt, and it took off.” 

Didn’t matter. He’d find it somehow. Dean sighed before he looked at Sam. “She’s going to Bobby’s?” _Bobby should have everything I need to fix her._

“Yeah, he said you could come anytime you want and take all the time you need to do what you have to do with her.” 

Fuck finding the yellow-eyed demon. That’s what Dean was doing as soon as he got out of here. “Think it’ll take a couple of weeks?” 

Sam made a face before he said, “More like a couple of months.” 

_Even better._ “Well, then that’s where we’re going after I get out of here, and we’re staying until she’s done.” He stopped Sam from disagreeing by adding, “I’m not leaving her like that.” 

Sam smiled. “Yeah, okay . . . but I don’t think Dad’s going to be too happy about it, and there’s no way he’d stay at Bobby’s.” 

_Dad? What about Sam?_ “Thought you’d put up more of a fight about it.” 

Hanging his head, Sam said, “I don’t know. Maybe the last week has reminded me some things are more important . . . We’ll have our chance again, but we don’t have to rush into anything if it means getting one of us killed. We need to be smart about it.” Yeah. They needed a breather before they tried again. When Dean didn’t say anything, Sam asked, “So, you two are okay?” before he glanced at Beth. 

Dean looked down at her. She’d fallen asleep. “Think so . . . She said something about 50/50.” 

“You know, I never understood that.” Dean glanced at him, so Sam explained. “That 50/50 thing you guys have. She almost always does things on her own during a hunt.” 

Dean didn’t know how to explain it. “Guess it means I take care of her, and she lets me . . . She takes care of me, and I let her

“So, when we were on that demon crashing planes hunt . . . You wanting to take her off the case . . . How would that have broken it?” 

Dean pressed back further into his pillow, while he thought about it. “Half of it is letting her have my back no matter what . . . That’s the hard part, but if I didn’t do that, than she wouldn’t either, and I need to be able to take care of her.” 

Sam sat forward and said, “But when she takes off on her own to do things during a hunt . . . isn’t that the same thing as not trusting you to have her back?” 

Dean smiled briefly. “No, that’s her trusting me to be there when she needs me . . . It’s my job to keep up and figure out what she’s going to do before she does it, so I can be there before she needs me.” 

“But what if she finishes a hunt before you get there?” 

Dean yawned and said, “Doesn’t matter . . . Maybe we compete on kills, but it’s not just about hunting, so it doesn’t end when the hunt finishes. Usually means I’m proud of her for pulling it off and go buy her a drink. She does the same thing when I get the kill first.” 

“How does it work when you’re not on a hunt?” _Why all the questions?_ Sam answered that one before Dean had a chance to ask it. “I was never able to tell Jess a lot about my life and who I was. Just wanna know how you make it work.” 

Sam wasn’t gonna start ragging on himself for the way things were with Jess, was he? Maybe not. Seemed like he really wanted to know. Should probably start with the obvious. “We don’t keep secrets for one,” Dean answered. 

“Except about her Dad and her past?” 

_No, that’s not the same thing._ “I’ll tell her when she’s ready to ask, but she isn’t yet. I got it all wrong and had to understand it first anyway.” Sam nodded like he thought that almost made sense, so Dean added, “And I get her stuff I know she’ll like all year long . . . and she saves up all year and spends her cash on big Christmas and birthday gifts, so it evens out.” 

Sam looked interested in that. “But you cook more than she does.” 

Dean smiled again and said, “Could say it’s because she’s learning a new language and running 5 miles a day before we train, so she can be better on hunts for me, but really it’s cuz it makes her happy. I’d do it everyday if I could.” 

That surprised Sam for some reason, and then Sam asked, “Have you ever thought about giving it all up?”

Dean licked his bottom lip before he looked towards the foot of the bed and said, “I’m good with being a hunter, Sam.” 

“You’ve never questioned it? Never wanted Beth to get out with you, so you could make her dinner every night? Weeks like this last one are okay for you? I’m the only one that’s ever felt like having something normal?“ 

He wanted Sam to know that he was good with his lot in life, but he didn’t want Sam to think he didn’t understand why Sam left . . . He never understood Sam cutting him out, but he understood Sam wanting something normal. “Once . . . after the rawhead hunt. I was kind of hoping that stuff wouldn’t work as well as it did.” 

Sam sounded confused when he said, “Why not?” 

Dean shook his head and answered, “I came up with plans when my heart wasn’t right that I couldn’t do if it was.” 

“Like what?” 

Keeping his focus on his feet, Dean took a shallow breath and said, “The three of us were gonna live in Chicago. I thought maybe you and me could convert the room over the garage for you, so you could live there and go to law school or live there when you were done with law school until you could afford your own place down the street . . . If I had a bad heart, she couldn’t hunt, or I wouldn’t be able to handle it every time she walked out the door. We were going to get her Dad to fix it, so she could be an FBI agent, and I was gonna be a mechanic. She’d bring her cases home at night, and we’d go over them together, and you could either defend the people she arrested and argue about it over dinner, or you could be a prosecutor for the people she arrested and work together.” 

Sam didn’t say anything, so Dean glanced at him, and Sam gave him a sad smile before he slumped back in his chair. “Yeah, that would’ve been good . . . Think I would’ve liked that . . . Did she know about your plans?” 

Dean looked back at the foot of the bed. “Yeah, we worked out what her job would be together . . . If we both couldn’t save people, I thought one of us should. I said EMT, and she thought fire woman or detective. I told her I couldn’t handle her being a fire woman. I could probably handle her being a detective, but I didn’t want her to be a beat cop like she’d have to be to become one . . . people are too unpredictable, and I wouldn’t want her to do it if I wasn’t there to be her partner . . . She said we’re already FBI agents half the time anyway, and she wouldn’t have to be face to face with criminals everyday. Thought it sounded all right, and she let me pick the place to live.” 

“So, you helped her pick a job, and she let you pick where you lived, but you picked her favorite city, so it’d be 50/50?” Dean nodded. Sam sighed and looked off to the side before he said, “Yeah, I think some time at Bobby’s is what we need. Don’t worry about Dad. I’ll deal with it . . . without it turning into a fight if you promise to stay here at least until he gets released. I’m gonna go get some food from the canteen. You want anything?” 

“Nah, probably just catch some sleep.” Sam gave him a nod and stood up to leave, and Dean wondered how Sam was gonna convince their Dad to leave off hunting for the yellow-eyed demon for as long as it took to fix the Impala without it turning into a fight . . . He didn’t really care as long as he wasn’t the one that had to deal with keeping them apart this time.


	33. Fate Rears Its Ugly Head

Sam was on his way to the canteen on day 2 of us waiting for John to be released when I caught up with him. “So, I was thinking –“ 

“That’s never a good thing.” He laughed at the way that threw me and said, “I’m kidding . . . what were you thinking?” 

Holding up the bag of supplies I’d gotten, I answered, “I was thinking that you and me should summon old Yellow-eyes and try to finish this before your Dad gets out. It’s the only way he’s going to let Dean get the rest he needs to get better and fix his car.” 

Sam snatched the bag away from me and had a look inside. “Did you get the stuff on that list? I didn’t let you see it, so you could –“ 

_Oh, Sam, you should know better than that by now._ “Too bad. I did. You can be my backup, or I can do it alone. I just thought I’d give you a choice in it.” 

He glanced from the contents of the bag to me. “What about Dean?” 

I took a step back and said, “Keep in mind that having time to recover is more important than where the recovery takes place,” before I took another step back. 

“You told him? I can’t believe you’d do that. You know how injured he –“ 

_This is almost too easy._ “I do, but if you want him to have time to get better at Bobby’s, this is the only way.” 

He turned in a huff and headed for the hospital exit. “You know he’s going to check himself out the second we leave to do this, right?” 

“Or you could stay here with him and keep him here . . . like I said, I thought I’d give you a choice.” 

Sighing, he stopped and turned to face me. “So, you don’t really want me to summon the demon with you . . . You just wanted to set it up, so I’d choose to stay here and not be pissed that you took off to do it on your own?” _Something like that._ “When did you tell him?” 

I held my hand out to take the bag back from him and said, “Just before I left to get this stuff.” 

Sam looked towards the direction of Dean’s room. “So, the real reason you stopped me from going to the canteen to get coffee instead of taking off on your own first is so you could tell me to go back to his room, and not leave him out of my sight?” 

“Nope, just letting you know why he might not be there when you get back.” 

He gave me an annoyed look before he started walking towards Dean’s room. “I’m not playing by your rules. Wait there until I get back.” 

When Sam came back a few minutes later with a dressed Dean following slowly behind him, he said, “You two worked this together, so I’d go along with it?” 

Dean put his arm around my shoulders when he got to me and grinned. “What are you complaining about? You don’t have to worry about dealing with Dad. I’m out. You’re on board with it. She’s not going to do this by herself . . . win-win-win.” 

Sam pointed at him and said, “Beth’s putting those demon wards on the car, and that’s where you’re staying. You can’t even stand on your own.” 

Dean laughed at that until Sam went to grab a wheelchair he saw sitting outside of a nearby room. “You’re not taking me out of here in that. I don’t need one. Beth’s the right height for a crutch.” 

Sam was having none of it. “If you want to come with us, than we’re doing it my way. If you don’t, I’ll just tell them that you’re a danger to yourself, so they put a 72 hour hold on you too.” Dean rolled his eyes, but did what Sam wanted and got in the wheelchair before Sam started pushing him towards the door. This should be interesting.

Turns out that it wasn’t nearly as interesting as I thought it’d be. Sam let Dean come into the abandoned house we found, but only after I said it’d be better if we were all together, so nothing could attack us individually . . . Maybe another demon might plow through the car, or find a way to tip it over or something, and that’s the last thing any of us wanted to have happen. The reason it was uneventful was because Azazel didn’t show. 

“Are you sure you did it the right way?” Sam asked for the millionth time after checking his watch. 

I gave him an annoyed look and muttered, “Why don’t you give it a try?” 

Dean laughed from his spot on the floor at the back of the room where he’d invented some kind of a bowling game with holy water bottles. “He already has . . . a couple of times . . . didn’t work for him either.” Must’ve been why Sam sent me for a food run. 

Sam ignored Dean and said, “No, I mean are you sure that’s the way the ritual should be done? I thought they had to come if they were summoned by name.” 

I pulled out the grimoire I’d found that had the ingredients his Dad was going to use for the summoning and flipped through it again. “I’m sure it’s right, and I didn’t think they could get around being summoned either . . . but then I never thought they could get around being exorcised.” 

Sam paused in taking a look over my shoulder at the book. “Wait, so you think he found a way to get around it?” 

I shrugged. “Seems like the most likely explanation. We showed our cards on summoning him being a part of the plan, and he’s had time to act accordingly the same way he did to being exercised.” 

Dean sat back against the wall and said, “Or maybe he can delay it . . . make us think he’s not gonna show and then show up after we leave.” That was a possibility too. 

“So, how long should we wait?” Sam asked. I didn’t know. We’d been trying for about 6 hours already. I suggested that we give it until daybreak. None of us really liked the idea of waiting around that long, but we agreed to it. Might as well do everything we could before John got out, so we could tell him about it when we saw him again.

The next morning we walked down the steps towards my Dad’s car, and Sam said, “So, that’s it. Now we just go back to the way things were with us driving around the country until we find it again?” 

Dean shook his head. “Well, now we know what to look for with the signs Dad was talking about . . . we could track it.” That wasn’t nothing. Maybe we could find patterns and start beating it to wherever it was going to hit next. 

Sam added, “We need to get a better idea of the timing on things. How long is it between when the early warning signs Azazel is going to be somewhere happen and the house fires?”

Dean thought it over. “Yeah, if there’s enough of a time gap, we could look for kids born 6 months before that, narrow down our search and spring a trap for him . . . might help to see if Azazel’s signature ever showed up in those towns before. I mean the demon has to pick these places for a reason.” 

Sam quickly said, “The kids, Dean . . . He’s after the kids.” 

Dean stopped and sighed. “I know that, Sam. What I wanna know is how he knows about these kids at all?” 

Sam shook his head. “That’s assuming they were born this way. What if they’re not? What if he’s making them this way?” 

I glanced at Sam and said, “That’s why we should look into it more . . . which we can do after we go pick up your Dad. I’ll be right back,” before I grabbed what I needed out of the trunk of my car and went back into the house. I sprayed the entire bottle of lighter fluid around the bottom floor. The last thing I wanted was for some family to move into that house or some teenagers to go exploring and have Azazel or any other demons show up. I had no idea what kind of doors summoning something like that could open. It was better if we got rid of the place now before it became a problem. 

We were in the middle of pulling away from the house, when Sam shouted for me to stop the car, so I slammed on the breaks, and he hopped out and started running back towards the house. Dean and I got out to follow him, but he didn’t go far. Looking at the front door, I asked, “Did we forget something?” 

“No, look,” Sam said before pointing to the second story window. The figure of a shadowy man was just standing up there with the flames lapping around him. 

_That’s not creepy at all._ I tried to ignore the pins and needles running down the back of my neck, before Dean put his arm around my shoulders to support his weight and said, “Was he in there with us all night?” 

Sam watched the figure as it came closer to the window and said, “You’d think I would’ve felt him being close if he was.” 

Watching the figure, I shook my head. “I think we all would’ve felt him if he was . . . It looks like –“ 

Dean finished my sentence with, “He’s not in a body, and they’re stronger when they’re not . . . Can we even shoot him when he’s like that?” 

Sam raised the Colt and said, “Only one way to find out,” before pulling the trigger. The figure vanished before the bullet could hit it. 10 seconds later, Sam asked, “Why didn’t he do anything to us?” 

Dean shrugged. “Maybe he just showed up after we left to fuck with us.” 

I agreed with him. “Yeah, it’s like a giant fuck you for trying the summoning ritual again.” 

Sam shook his head. “Why isn’t he out here attacking us right now? It’s not like he’s bound to the house.” 

Dean looked at the Colt in Sam’s hand and said, “I can think of three reasons he wouldn’t, and they’re all we have left, so don’t waste anymore bullets unless he’s in a meat suit.” 

Sighing, Sam looked down at the gun. “What are we gonna tell, Dad?” 

Dean looked from the Colt to Sam and said, “Now that summoning it is off the table, we have to keep that gun away from him, or he’s gonna take off again and try to finish this himself some other way. We need to do it together. No more separating. It’s where they got us the last time.” 

Sam looked like he agreed with Dean about keeping the Colt away from John, but wasn’t so sure about us separating being a bad thing. Turning towards the car, he said, “You know that was as much of a disaster for them as it was us. You think maybe it was waiting for Dad just now, and that’s why it didn’t show until after we left?” 

Heading for the passenger side door, Dean said, “Maybe . . . We should get back. What time is he supposed to be released?” 

Sam looked at his watch. “Not until this evening . . . Could maybe have the doctor look at you again and see what you need if you’re checking yourself out against medical advice. That should kill some time.” I had to smile at Sam’s tenacity. Dean was in for some mother henning from Sam when we got to Bobby’s.

The doctor wasn’t happy when we came back. In the event they’d checked the security cameras to see where Dean went and saw him walk out with us, Sam came up with a romantic star gazing excuse, like now that Dean was somewhat recovered, he’d needed to see the stars or something. I don’t know how he said it with a straight face. 

I took care of telling the doctor that Dean wanted to check out and smoothed it over by saying that we’d all been on our way ‘home,’ when the accident happened, so Dean wanted to seek medical care closer to ‘home.’ That meant the doctor was going to send Dean’s files to a hospital in Sioux Falls, and Sam kept me from saying we’d just take them with us by telling them that was fine. Apparently, he really thought he could get Dean to go to that hospital when we got to Bobby’s. That wasn’t happening, but who was I to ruin his delusional hope? I thoroughly went over Dean’s charts to see how things were progressing and to find out what they were giving him in the likely event that Sam couldn’t get Dean to go to another hospital. I’d sort out making sure he kept taking whatever they were giving him, because it seemed to be working. 

Doing all of that only killed time until noon, so we found a nearby motel, where we could stay until John was released. We needed sleep, and none of us felt like hanging out in the hospital after all the time we’d spent there in the last four days. By the time we had a nap, got showers, and had some food, we were pushing it on being there on time. We only made it with about 30 minutes to spare. 

Things with the check-in desk were a little odd. Maybe it was because Dean was with us, and the nurse knew he should be in a hospital and wasn’t yet? There wasn’t much we could do about that. We weren’t going to drive Dean all the way to a hospital in South Dakota and come back for John. 

Then a doctor came out, and . . . that’s not what had been causing her jitteriness at all. I never knew anyone that died of natural causes. I think when someone dies of a heart attack, it throws you for a loop more than a violent death would, or it does when your line of work is violent and you expect people to die violently in front of you. I watched the doctor try to explain what happened to Sam and Dean while I sat on a bench nearby. 

Dean wasn’t saying much, but Sam wanted to know the specifics, like how time of death had been a half hour before anyone knew about it, or why he hadn’t been notified sooner. I guess they’re things people ask when they don’t see it coming and are in shock. People like to have as much information as possible on how their loved ones have died, I think, because they need to feel like they have some kind of retroactive control over the situation, when none of the details really matter. The person is still dead and gone, and nothing can be done to bring them back. 

I wasn’t sure how it made me feel. I’d known John for a long time . . . numb might be the best way to describe it. Numb, and maybe relieved in the sense that at least he hadn’t gone out at the hands of Azazel. And maybe a little sad that he couldn’t see his life’s work through to the end . . . maybe I also thought of it as a reminder that all of us would die eventually, and we’d never see it coming . . . maybe I should do more meditation. I needed something to manage my stress levels better . . . and to quit smoking. 

I think it also made me feel reflective, like the last time I saw John was really the last time I saw him. I couldn’t really think about how we’d never have a drink together again or hunt together again . . . I couldn’t really think about how we’d done those things in the past either. 

Along with all of that came the knowledge that there were practical things that needed to be done, like arranging to take the body and a hunter’s funeral . . . that was something I could do for them . . . I couldn’t fix John being dead, and I couldn’t fix how that must make them feel, but I could fix the practical things, so they wouldn’t have to worry about them. The first thing I needed to do was go find something to steal, so we could transport John to Bobby’s after I snuck into the morgue to steal his body . . . I think he would’ve appreciated going that way with it more than he would have if we got the hospital to transport his body across state lines . . . what kinds of forms were required for that? Who knew? I wasn’t going to find out.


	34. Mourning

“What the hell is she doin’ now?” 

Dean slid out from under the Impala and watched Beth traipsing off towards a van. He didn’t know. Leaving? He glanced back up at Bobby and said, “I don’t know. Why don’t you try asking her, Bobby?” before he slid back under the car and picked up a socket wrench. 

“She’s been here a week, and all she dose is buzz around the place . . . caught her reading in my study at 3 am the last 3 nights in a row. Now she’s stealing the only working vehicle I’ve got around here.” 

Concentrating on what he was doing, Dean said, “Go ask Sam. He probably knows.” She was probably trying to get away from Sam and Bobby. Neither one of them would leave her alone. So what if she was reading at 3 am? There was a lot of lore at Bobby’s house. She might as well read up on it while she could . . . Sam kept trying to talk about his feelings with her. She probably had one conversation with Sam, and now Sam thought he could go to her anytime he wanted when Beth probably only did it, because she expected it to be a one and done kind of deal. She didn’t like going over things more than once.

Here came Sam again. Sam was getting on his last nerve. If Dean wanted to talk about it, he would, but he didn’t. He just wanted to work on his car and fix something he could fix, not dwell on what he couldn’t. “Me and Beth are going on a road trip. Something about cat food in Nebraska, and I traced a number on Dad’s phone to another place in Nebraska she wants to go see . . . thought we might go check it out.” 

_Cat food in Nebraska?_ Cheryl and Paige . . . no way was she seeing them without him being there, and what was this other number she had Sam trace? Dean wouldn’t mind getting out of here for a little while as long as Sam didn’t keep bringing up the one thing he didn’t want to talk about . . . _Yeah, right. That’s all Sam’s gonna want to talk about._ “Don’t let her talk to Cheryl on her own. If Cheryl gives her a hard time, have Beth’s back . . . and don’t let on to Beth that those bridges are burned.” Dean paused in what he was doing to wait for Sam’s response. He could actually see Sam slump just by looking at his feet. 

“I thought maybe you’d come with us? We could –“ _That’s what I thought. It’s just gonna be another way for Sam to try and get me to talk about it._

“There’s no way I’m riding around in that van . . . I’ve got other things to be doing here. Besides, I thought you wanted me to ‘recover.’” 

“Yeah, all right, but this isn’t over. You need to start dealing with it, Dean.” 

Dean took a long slow breath and counted to 10 before he said, “I am dealing with it, Sam. I’m okay.” 

It was Dean’s turn to slump when Sam said, “What about your 50/50 thing? Shouldn’t –“ 

“Just have her back the way I said.” 

Speaking of their 50/50 thing . . . maybe Beth was biting the bullet and taking Sam with her to get Sam out of his hair, but he wasn’t gonna say that to Sam unless Sam kept pushing him. Didn’t look like Sam was going to do that. Dean watched Sam’s feet turn and start walking towards the van. Beth would probably have to listen to Sam bitch about him not going, but she’d find a way to smooth things over, so Sam should be better when he got back. She’d been doing a lot of things like that to help without letting on that’s what she was doing.

She was giving Dean the right amount of space . . . kept herself occupied during the day, and kept coming up with some pretty killer sandwiches he wished he could appreciate more at lunch, because they were awesome. It’s just he wasn’t really hungry, so he only ended up eating half of them. Beth never gave him a hard time about it. She just started making one sandwich they could share to keep the focus off of him not eating. She was there when he curled up next to her at night . . . She might get up at some point to start reading, but she was with him when he went to sleep, and having her next to him . . . just like at the hospital, she felt warm, safe, and real when everything else felt cold, dark, and surreal. 

She hadn’t talked about his Dad. She’d wait until he was ready to say anything about it . . . didn’t matter how long it took. Could be years, and she’d wait. The only thing that she’d done that had annoyed him was completely cut him off from any kind of alcohol, even beer. She said he could drink as much as he wanted when he was better, but not until then. He’d tried to argue she still smoked after she’d been in that fire in Stanford, and she’d said that he should’ve said something about it then, but he hadn’t. He guessed he hadn’t, but he’d thought about it. The next time she got hurt, he would.

Maybe he could take advantage of her being gone to go grab a beer. Yeah. That’s what he’d do. He stopped when he heard Bobby walk into the kitchen and say with a chuckle, “She’s not even gone a half hour, and you’re already on it?” Dean closed the fridge and leaned back against the counter with the bottle in his hand trying to decide if Bobby was going to give him a hard time about it. “I’m the last one that should be dolin’ out advice on drinking, and I ain’t gonna say nothin’ to her. Figure that’s between you and her.” 

Dean popped the cap and said, “I’m not gonna hide it from her . . . just easier to tell her after than it is before.” 

Bobby waited until after Dean had a sip before he said, “So, I guess you wouldn’t be interested to know she said she was gonna come back and make you a pie . . . to make it up to you, since you’ve been doin’ so well and all.” 

_Damnit. Really?_ Dean looked at the bottle in his hand. “Beth can’t bake pie.” 

Bobby chuckled again and said, “Can’t or doesn’t? Said she has a recipe for one memorized.” 

Dean sat down across from Bobby and said dismally, “Think I would’ve –“ 

“Didn’t want to say too much about it, because Sam came into the room . . . not sure why. She’s got a lot of secrets.” 

Not really. She was an open book if you knew her. There were only two reasons why she’d clam up on something in front of Sam right now. There’s no way she’d ever made a pie with his Dad, so she must’ve made one with Jess. Now that Dean thought about it, he did remember her saying something about that back when Sam had her keep going over that weekend at Stanford. “She made one with Sam’s girlfriend that weekend that the Yellow-eyed demon showed up at Stanford. That’s why she didn’t want to say it in front of Sam.” 

Bobby looked at the glass of whiskey in his hand and said, “How long were they together?” 

Dean shook his head and sat back with a sigh. “Couple of years . . . I guess he was gonna propose, so it was serious.” Bobby nodded, and Dean didn’t have to be able to read his mind to know Bobby was thinking that meant Sam had two big losses in the last year, but Dean didn’t really want to talk about it. The good thing about Bobby was that he didn’t have to. He could just grab another beer to take back out with him and work on his car after they talked about what parts he needed to get. 

The next thing he knew, he was waking up under the car, and it was dark and cold outside. Probably shouldn’t have drank the second beer, because whatever stuff he was on plus that must’ve knocked him out. He climbed out from under the Impala and glanced around the lot. Didn’t look like Sam and Beth were back yet. He’d just go get one of Bobby’s mechanic work lamps and keep on working on the car until they got back. He needed to make up the hours he’d been asleep anyway. 

Dean worked away on the car for a long enough time that his thoughts started to drift onto when they saw that demon at the abandoned house. It was the first time he’d really thought about The Demon in the last week. He’d had other things on his mind to keep other things off his mind. How did it get around them summoning it? How could they get around The Demon being able to do that? Maybe Bobby had a way in one of his books . . . maybe that’s what Beth had been searching for without saying it. Maybe there was no way around it, and they’d just have to wait until they ran into The Demon on down the road . . . but what if there was a way around it? What if she found it, and that’s what she and Sam were off doing? 

She hadn’t told Dean where she was going or even that she was leaving. She’d just headed off, and that’s what she would do if she didn’t want to lie to him about something. Sam on the other hand would have no problems lying to him to keep him here if he didn’t think Dean was up to it physically. Maybe that’s why Sam came to talk to him before they left. . . maybe he’d wanted Dean to choose to stay here, so he’d pretended to want to talk about their Dad. _Did I get played?_

Maybe that’s the real reason Beth was going to make a pie . . . to make up for not bringing him on a hunt for Azazel. Dean slid out from under the car and went to the house to find his phone. No missed calls. It was after 2. How long were they going to be gone? He didn’t even know . . . hadn’t bothered to ask. He was slipping if he let them leave here without him just so he didn’t have to talk to Sam about their Dad. He was so far beyond slipping that he didn’t even know what to call it if he only just now figured out they might be going after that demon . . . What if they were already dead? No, they wouldn’t have died without him knowing about it, but then he hadn’t known his Dad was dead either. He’d thought everything was fine until the doctor said it wasn’t. What if this was the same? It was his responsibility to take care of them, and he’d more than dropped the ball . . . he’d punted it into another field and said Beth could play instead of him. _What the hell was I thinking?_

Dean rang Beth first, and she didn’t answer, so he tried Sam. On about the fourth ring, Sam answered. “Can’t talk now, Dean . . . I’ll call you back in a little while.” Then the line went dead. _No, that isn’t suspicious at all._

Trying to keep his cool, Dean started looking around for anything that might indicate where they were. Sam had something about Nebraska . . . both places they were going were in Nebraska. Dean doubted Cheryl would’ve let them hang around for long . . . unless Paige convinced her to let them stay the night, but Sam hadn’t sounded like he was asleep. He’d sounded like he was in the middle of something. 

Dean held his breath and tried calling Beth a couple more times and got no answer. Maybe Bobby knew where they went . . . wait . . . Bobby said something about them taking the only vehicle around here that worked. _How the hell am I supposed to get to them? Why didn’t I go with them? What the fuck is wrong with me?_ He’d figure out a way to get them, but he couldn’t get them until he found out where they were. Once he found that out, he could go steal a car in town . . . that was miles away. They might not be dead yet, but they could be by then . . . one thing at a time. He needed to wake up Bobby and find out where they went, and then he’d deal with the rest.

“Surprised you didn’t come back in askin’ for a way outta here earlier than this.” 

Ducking his head, Dean said, “Yeah, Beth might’ve been right about me not drinking.” 

Bobby chuckled. “They usually are . . . How long you two been together?” 

_What the hell kind of a question was that?_ “Over 10 years.” 

Bobby went over to grab some keys out of a basket full of keys and tossed them in Dean’s direction. “Take my truck . . . Ya know, after 10 years, I’d say you know her well enough to know what she’s gonna do before she does it . . . Didn’t think nothin’ of it when they left. Whaddya think they’re getting themselves into out there that ya need to be a part of now?” 

_Lots of things. None of them good._ “Not sure . . . I was thinking that maybe they’re goin’ after the Yellow-eyed demon,” Dean answered while he grabbed his coat. 

“And if they are . . . what are you gonna do about it, Dean? You’re struggling to walk as it is.” 

Dean looked down at his body and said, “I’m fine.” 

Bobby shook his head. “Says the man that fell asleep under his car all day after havin’ two beers . . . You go bargin’ in there now, and you might distract ‘em from where their focus needs to be.” 

_How the hell did he know I fell asleep under the car . . . must’ve come out and checked on me at some point and just left me there. Why? Is he a part of this too?_ Dean rounded on him and said, “I have to be there, Bobby! It’s my job to –“ 

“Didn’t say you shouldn’t go . . . just said you need to be mindful of their situation . . . if they’re even where they said they were goin’. They wouldn’t go after that demon around your friends’ safe house or anywhere near Ellen’s Roadhouse. You want my advice, sit there on the couch and wait for your brother to call you back like he said he would, so you at least know where they went and what’s goin’ on. I’m goin’ back to bed.”

_Awesome. Didn’t even think of that._ He might know where they said they were going now that he’d talked to Bobby, but they probably weren’t there . . . He could get in Bobby’s truck and start heading towards Nebraska . . . unless they were in Iowa or Illinois or anywhere else but Nebraska. Dean went over to look at some of the books Beth might’ve been reading, but it was hard to know which ones those were when there were so many. Maybe they were the ones on top, or near the top? 

He didn’t see anything that really stood out, so he went over to the couch and tried calling Sam back . . . straight to voicemail. Maybe Beth and Sam did stop by Cheryl and Paige’s place to make sure they were stocked up on supplies . . . Maybe Cheryl and Paige knew where Sam and Beth were heading after they left. Dean wasn’t calling Cheryl. He tried Paige and got nothing. This sucked. He hated waiting. He hated not knowing what was going on . . . he hated being lied to . . . and he hated himself for letting them get in that van without him.


	35. Awkward Moments

Paige handed her phone out to me and said, “Dean’s calling again. I think you should answer it.” 

“Why? How long has he been calling?” She pushed the send button and held it out to me in response, so I took it. “Uh, hey . . . this is Beth?” 

There was a brief pause, and Dean started off in a controlled voice saying, _“Beth? Where the hell are you? Why can’t I get ahold of you or Sam? . . . “_ but his voice steadily got louder as he continued asking me more questions without letting me answer. He was pretty pissed, and I didn’t know why. 

“Lying? Who lied to you? I thought Sam told you we were going to see Cheryl and Paige, so we could get them more supplies, and then we were going to Ellen’s . . . We’re on our way to the Ellen’s right now, or I am anyway.” 

There was another brief pause. _“So, you’re on your way to the Roadhouse Bobby told me about?”_

I relaxed a little, because he had and said, “Yeah, me and Paige are. I wanted to make sure Ellen was okay, because she was one of the few contacts your Dad had. The last time I talked to her, I told her that Azazel was coming after your Dad’s friends, and I thought she should have an update in person.” 

Dean cleared his throat awkwardly and said, _“Is that why Sam’s not with you? You wanted to . . . so he doesn’t have to . . . When are you coming back?”_ I wish I could say I hadn’t brought Sam, because I didn’t want him to have to deliver the news of John’s death to John’s friends. 

“No, that’s not why Sam’s not with me. If I ever have to hear your brother having sex again, I’m going to ram a screwdriver through my ears . . . Cheryl was even worse . . . think she was going overboard to be a bitch to Paige, so I took Paige and left them to it in their new love shack.” 

There was silence before he started laughing. _“Sam … with Cheryl? … Is that? … Think I’d rather know you were going after Azazel without me than know my brother answered my call during . . .”_ He got quiet and then said, _“That’s not like him . . . Kinda surprised he’d . . . Paige all right?”_

“Not really . . . Speaking of Azazel, I’m also going to ask Ellen what she knows about him while I’m there. I thought it might be a good place to start.” He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, so I said, “You can meet us there if you can find a way to do it . . . unless you want to stay there and –“ He quickly asked how much of a head start I had on him. “We stopped to get tattoos, so I’m only about an hour closer than you are. Do you know where it is?” 

It sounded like he was getting his stuff ready when he said, “Yeah, Bobby told me. I’ll race you there . . .Wait, a tattoo? Where?” I hung up at that. It was better to leave him wondering.

I handed Paige back her phone and asked, “Why didn’t you want to take his call?” 

She sighed and looked at her phone. “I don’t know . . . Didn’t feel like talking to the brother of . . . think he was expecting me and Cheryl to get back together. Didn’t wanna talk to him.” 

While changing lanes to pass out another car, I said, “Did you think you were going to get back together?” 

She shrugged and looked out the window. “It’s what she said she wanted the last week or two . . . Things were going pretty well again, getting back on track . . . I don’t know what happened.” 

_Me._ “I don’t think she necessarily liked you keeping her from burning my journals when we got there. That might have something to do with it.” 

Quickly looking at me, Paige said, “And that’s another thing. It makes no sense for her to be such a bitch to you . . . It was our own damn fault we left that psychic’s house . . . It was my fault I wanted a bear claw. If she’s pissed at you enough to throw away a decade long friendship over what happened to me, how the hell could she do what she did to me tonight?” 

I focused on the road. I didn’t want to say this. It sounded bad. “Honestly . . . this is going to sound awful and conceited. There’s no way for it not to sound like that, but it’s not about you. It’s about me.” 

She laughed a little bitterly before saying, “Think I should’ve heard something like that from her. You’re not breaking up with me, are you, Beth?” 

I shook my head. “No, I think if anything. Dean is going to be happy about this turn of events. He cares about Cheryl, because he’s known her for a long time, but he’s only her friend because of me. If she’s a one-night stand of his brother, he gets to have an excuse to keep you as a friend, because it doesn’t matter if you’re her ex if he doesn’t have to be her friend anymore. He’s always liked you better than Cheryl, because you guys click.” 

She gave me a more genuine laugh and said, “I never picked up on any of that. Where did go it wrong?” _Long before we met you._

“Dean’s always been apprehensive about the way Cheryl is with me. He went to the prom with Cheryl and two other girls and left with me to crash the prom. The first time I met her was after that, and she called me a slut and whore . . . I might’ve told her –“ 

“You really told her that if she was asking for career advice she should go with the one that paid?” 

I breathed out a nervous laugh and said, “Yeah, I did . . . and then I talked to all the girls that were there, and she –“ 

“Was impressed . . . looked up to you, because you were younger than her and still seemed so sure of yourself.” 

I didn’t know she’d looked up to me. “I don’t know about that, but I know I offered her help if she wanted it, and Dean thought it was crazy. I didn’t. I didn’t care about what she’d called me. I mostly just wanted to help, because I didn’t understand why she would play dumb and screw up her future just to get laid. She threatened Dean when he apologized about prom and told him he’d better treat me better than he had her, so he liked her a little more after that.” 

Paige rested back in her seat and asked, “And you helped her during her senior year when you came home to visit your Dad, right?” 

“Yeah. To pay me back for giving her lessons, she wanted to hang out, and we got to be friends . . . And when she got to college and medical school, she still needed help on some things . . . not a lot, because she’s smart, but maybe a couple of times a month, so we still kept in touch.“ 

Paige flicked the overhead light on and off a couple of times, like she was bored and then said, “I read your journals. You’re always busy. How’d you find time to drive to college and help her?” 

_Might as well let her know how pathetic I am. I know a lot more than Dean thinks I do._ “She didn’t want to look weak with her classmates, and they didn’t know about me, so she’d call me up with a problem she had on understanding something and tell me the book they were studying. Then I’d go to the nearest university library to wherever we were hunting, read up on it, and figure out a way to explain it, so she could understand over the phone . . . It meant she got to stay at the top of the class and could walk into group study sessions being the one able to explain it to the other students.” 

I waited for her to respond, but she didn’t. She just looked out the passenger side window, so I continued. “Then she got her degrees. I didn’t notice it as much when she got her undergrad, but when she finished her medical degree, there was a definite change in temperature . . . You probably didn’t notice it, because it only ever happened when we went to visit her at the hospital. She’d asked me all kinds of questions on things she didn’t think I’d know. When she caught me out, she’d made a show out of how much more she knew than me now. Dean and I never talked about it, but I know he noticed it too, because he started coming up with any excuse he could not to take me to the hospital after it happened a few times. It’s why when she started going on about the stuff I stole in my first aid kit, I said –“ 

“That you encroached on her territory . . . Dean was right when he said you showed her the journals to prove your point, not to disprove what she said about you before that. You wanted to show her why you didn’t want to be a doctor like her. It’s why you wanted her to look at the pictures. You thought she’d understand if she saw that you do it to keep them from becoming the morgue photos on the back . . . and Dean made you stop, because you talking about the morgue photos was getting too close to her territory again?” 

I hadn’t thought of it like that. “Yeah, giving the autopsy summaries is where where my argument started to fall apart. I was mainly trying to point out the differences between what I do, and what she does. How many times does she come across ectoplasm leaking from the ears of patients?” I slumped a little and added, “But you’re probably right on why he stopped me . . . He told me going into Wednesday Addams territory wasn’t helping my case . . . If she saw how excited I got about the morgue stuff, she probably wouldn’t have taken too kindly to any medical terminology I may have started throwing around.” 

Paige arched one of her eyebrows in response. “You like the morgue stuff?” 

_What’s not to like?_ “Yeah, I’m good at it. I like figuring out the puzzles on how people died. Dean and John always let me take the morgue.” 

She smiled briefly and then said, “It’s probably a good thing he told you to stop. She probably would’ve started ripping the pages out.” _Didn’t think of that either, but she’s probably right._ Paige ducked her head and added, “I’ve never seen her like that, but it makes more sense now. She used you for years, so she could be what she always wanted to be and finally thought she was better than you, but then you come along and do something she thought only she could . . . and it’s why she’s sleeping with your boyfriend’s brother to get back at you, because he’s like your little brother too. You messed around in her world, so now she’s messing around with yours?” 

_Pretty much. That and Sam was an easy target, because he used to have a crush on her when he was younger. Might’ve said that to her at some point over the years._

I turned on the windshield wipers when the rain started coming down and said, “I was giving her the benefit of the doubt about it until this thing with Sam . . . I thought maybe she knew we probably weren’t going to come back, so she was distancing herself from us, but I think I was wrong. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have brought him if –“ 

“It’s not your fault, Beth . . . You think you know someone. I mean really know someone . . . I knew you helped her in high school, but not after that. I lived with her for years . . . must’ve meant a lot to her to keep it quiet all that time . . . think you did me a favor by showing me what was really under the surface . . . getting back at you was more important to her than me. Guess I should’ve seen it coming. I knew I wasn’t enough. It’s why we broke up. Even when she was home, she wasn’t really there. Part of me was wondering if that was going to happen again when we got back to our lives, and part of me was telling that part of me to shut up, because it wouldn’t . . . not this time. This time things would be different. It’s better to find out now before I got too reinvested than to waste more of my life on someone that doesn’t care about me as much as I care about them.” 

Yeah, but I still felt bad about it. Sometimes it seemed like being around me brought out the worst in people. I just hadn’t expected it to happen with a friend . . . but then going back over it with Paige made me think that maybe I should’ve seen it too . . . I mean I had, but I’d ignored it. It’s so easy to do if you only focus on the good in someone, but I guess you couldn’t afford to forget the bad. When you do people can surprise you, and not in a good way.


	36. Team Building

Dean watched the guy with the mullet, who was hitting on Beth . . . badly, and had to say something. “Listen, uh, Ash . . . No offense, but she’s taken.” Lines like that should be banned from ever being used to pick up chicks. Ellen apparently thought Ash could help them with finding the yellow-eyed demon. When Ash turned his attention on Paige, Dean said, “Trust me, she’s not interested . . . this was a mistake,” before he picked up the folder and started to pack it away. 

Jo told him to give Ash a chance, and Dean got a look from Beth, so he sat back down and opened the folder to let Ash see it. He didn’t care what anyone said, he knew geniuses, and this guy wasn’t one . . . all right maybe he was a little impressed that Ash knew just by looking at a few papers what their Dad had been doing, and maybe he recognized that complete transition of focus onto one thing and forgetting about everyone else in the room. 

Beth smiled while she watched Ash and said, “You can track it, can’t you . . . How long do you think it’ll take?” 51 hours? What should they do in the meantime? Dean didn’t really want to hang out here for that long, and he didn’t feel like driving to Bobby’s and driving back here and then back to Bobby’s again. They could find a new place to put Paige.

“What’s that?” Paige asked pointing behind Ellen. Ellen told her it was a police scanner, and Paige said, “No, the folder . . . it looks like the one he had.” _What’s she talking about? It doesn’t look like . . . oh, fuck._

Ellen picked it up and said she was going to give it to a friend, but they could have a look if they wanted, and as soon as Ellen put it down on the bar in front of Paige, Beth slammed her hand down over the top to keep it closed. Paige looked annoyed and quickly argued, “This is the kind of stuff you guys have to go on when you go on a hunt, right?” 

Dean jumped in and said, “You’re a personal chef. You’re not a hunter.” 

Paige held her breath briefly before she gritted out, “Be a neat trick to see how a guy who’s a year younger than me pulled off being my Dad.” 

Beth kept her hand on the folder, even when Ellen went to take it back. She wanted to check it out. She got one of those sly looks she got sometimes and looked at Paige. “How much is it worth to you?”

Paige looked confused. “You’re going to charge me?” 

Ellen, intrigued by the turn of events, was waiting to see how they played out, as Beth said, “I’ll let you look at it, but it’s going to cost you.” Paige got her purse and started going through it until Beth said, “I don’t want money,” and then she leaned forward and whispered something into Paige’s ear. 

Paige leaned backed to see if she was being serious. “You don’t ask for much, do you?” 

_What’s Beth want, a promise not to go on the hunt? No, that’d be too easy. Paige’s reaction made it seem like it was going to be a pain in the ass. Maybe she wants Paige to go pick up Sam. It’d keep Paige out of our way during the hunt, and she’d have to drive all the way here with Sam and see Cheryl again. That’s kind of mean. Beth wouldn’t do that, and why’d she whisper it?_

Then it clicked. “No, you’re not using her to keep me here while you go off to do this hunt by yourself!” 

Beth smirked. “Oh, good . . . All the players are aware. That should make this game more interesting.” Looking at Paige, she said, “Think you’re up for it?” 

Paige eyed Dean and then looked back at Beth. “I don’t know. He seems pretty serious.” 

That looked like it’s exactly what Beth had wanted Paige to say. “Well, then I guess your offer has expired, and you guys are going to have to team up to try and find a way to stop me . . . Keep in mind that he’s still struggling from a car accident that happened a week and a half ago, and you had surgery 3 weeks ago. Good luck with that.” Then she turned around and headed for the door.

Paige looked down at the folder. “She left the folder.” 

Dean got up to reach for it and muttered, “I bet there’s nothing left inside.” He flipped it open, and . . . _Sonofabitch._ “What was in it, Ellen?” 

Ellen looked at the door and said, “She should be –“ 

“She’s already gone . . . I have to get to where she’s going before she gets there if I want to catch up with her.” _If she didn’t just hitch a ride with God . . . depends on how much of a game she wants.She is good at throwing down a challenge._ “We might make it there around the same time. She had to stop and read through what Ellen told us, but she’ll make up the time driving . . . probably why she left this van for me to use . . . can’t push it much faster, or it’ll break down.” 

“Are you sure she wants you there? You look like you might break down too.”

“Like I said, she wanted me to know. She wouldn’t have left that newspaper clipping with you if she wasn’t leaving breadcrumbs, and she would’ve taken something, like the carburetor out of the van to keep it there if she really didn’t want me to have a shot at the hunt.” 

“Does she doe this a lot?”

Yes and no. On a normal hunt Beth didn’t tell him what she was going to do before she did it, but he didn’t tell her either. They both just knew each other well enough to know what the other would do before they did it. She did stuff like this to pull him out of the dark place he went to sometimes. “Only when I need it.”

Dean was heading for the detectives, but stopped when Beth stepped out in front of he and Paige to tell them what the detectives had already told her. Paige listened and then said, “We get to join the circus now?” 

Looking over Paige’s head at Dean, Beth said, “That’s what I’m doing. What you’re doing is up to your teammate,” before she headed off in the direction of the office. 

Dean laughed until he caught a look from Paige that said she wanted an answer on what she was doing. She wasn’t doing the hunt, but he’d told her she stay with him during the investigation. She’d talked him into letting her do that much by saying if he really thought a demon was after her, he couldn’t just leave her behind in a van. She hadn’t been wrong. “Come on . . . I’m not leaving you out of my sight with vanishing killer clowns around. Just follow my lead.” 

Dean stopped in his tracks when he heard Sam’s voice behind him. “What are you doing, Dean? You should be at Bobby’s working on your car.” 

Dean turned to look at him and said, “Let me guess . . . Beth called you on the way here and told you she was taking a case?” 

Sam gave him an incredulous look and exclaimed, “Yeah, and you told me to have her back, because you didn’t want to come, so that’s what I’m doing! What are you doing here?” 

Dean heard Paige snicker and say, “She is good . . . Now you have to find a way to get around him.” _No, that’s not what this is._

Focusing on Sam, Dean asked, “Where’s Cheryl? “ 

“She’s safer where she is than Paige is on a hunt.” 

Dean’s eyes narrowed. “Nuh uh, Sam . . . You’re not the love ‘em and leave ‘em type. She’s here somewhere. Did you leave her in the car or the motel?” When Sam didn’t say anything, Dean took another step closer and said, “Did Beth tell you this is a killer clown case?” 

Sam hesitated and unintentionally started looking around for any clowns that might be near him, and Dean laughed before Sam said, “Shut up!” before he leaned closer and asked, “Is it really a clown?”

Dean smiled. “Yeah, it is . . . You sure you want in on it, Sam?” Paige laughed and asked if Sam was really afraid of clowns, and Dean’s grin grew. “Yeah . . . he still busts out crying every time Ronald McDonald is on TV.” 

Sam gave him a bitch face and said, “So, Beth said whatever is tearing these people apart is attached to the carnival. What do we think it is, a cursed object?” 

Dean clapped him on the shoulder and said, “Welcome to the team, Sam,” and Sam looked confused. 

“What team?” 

Paige quickly filled him in on it. “Beth thinks she can finish this hunt on her own, and we’re trying to stop her.” 

Sam looked confused again. “So, what, is this some kind of team building exercise because of –“ Sam cut himself off and answered his own question. “Of course it is . . . She makes me so mad. You should be in bed, Dean.” 

Dean smiled now that Sam finally got it and added what Sam refused to admit, “But there’s no way you’d do a hunt for killer clowns without me.” Dean looked at Paige and said, “Were you around when she called Ellen and told her we were on our way?” 

Paige shook her head. “No, she gave me money to go pay at the gas station and said everything was sorted when I got back out.” 

“It was after she talked to me, right?” Paige nodded, so he said, “She told you to ask about the file when you guys got there, didn’t she?” 

Paige looked towards the direction Beth had gone and answered, “Yeah, but she didn’t tell me why. That’s why I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t let me look at it.” 

Sam asked where Beth was, and Dean said, “I’m not sure. She could be getting a job here the way she said, so she can work the case the hard way, or she might leave us to it and swoop in to take the kill at the last second.” 

Sam cracked a smile. “So, either way we have to work the case without her if we want to kill the killer clown before she does. What’s the plan?” It looked like it was game on now.


	37. Hunting Isn't a Game

_“Your boys just called askin’ the same thing. I’ll tell you what I told them. Sounds like a Rakshasa . . . They live in squalor and you need a knife made of pure brass to kill ‘em.”_ I knew they called her. I’d been keeping tabs on them. I stayed behind to keep an eye on Paige when she was left in the car, so I saw what happened through the windows when they went into that house to confront the clown. The clown was solid. It wasn’t a spirit at all. 

“I had to let them think they were ahead of me for at least part of the case.” She was quiet, so I said, “Thanks, I’ll –“ 

_“What are you playing at here, Beth? Hunting’s not a game.”_

_How should I put this?_ “I’ll tell you what I used to tell John. All hunts are a game. They’re a game you don’t want to lose, but they’re still a game. This one is different. This one is a scavenger hunt for hunters. If they treated this like a normal hunt, instead of a competition with me, they’d have time to bicker over how they’re both dealing with John’s death. Now that time is being used to strategize against me, and they need something to bring them together. His death is hitting both of them really hard. Neither one of them are acting like themselves. Plus, I think Paige is going to be a part of our lives a little more than she has been, so she and Sam need to find a way to get along. Gotta go. It’s a race to the finish line now that they know what we’re up against. Thanks again for all your help.” 

_Now I just need to find a brass knife. They’ll go to the carnival to find one. It’s the most logical place they could look. That blind, knife-throwing guy had some. Think I’ll find one somewhere else._

There was pioneer museum and town not far from where the carnival was bedded down for the night, so I broke in to get a knife there. I wasn’t sure if I’d find one, but it was a surer bet than going to a pawnshop and nowhere near where they should be looking for a brass knife. My job was to keep them from knowing what I was doing at all times and show up at the end if they needed a bit of back up. It wasn’t necessarily about stealing their kill from them this time. Them being okay-ish again would be enough of a win for me. Sam finding comfort in the arms of a woman . . . any woman . . . was really out of character, and Dean not wanting to come with us when we left Bobby’s . . . That was really out of character. This should help fix both of them even if they were still grieving under the surface. I didn’t expect them to come to terms with it overnight, but this was a step in the right direction. 

I might’ve cheated a bit when I got to the pioneer village, because there weren’t any brass knives, or at least none I could see in the places I looked, and I didn’t have the time to go searching every inch of the place. I got a little help from God on the knife and a lift back to the carnival . . . I justified it by telling myself that I put the work in, and that’s what really mattered. I couldn’t have left it any later than I did anyway, because when I popped up in the middle of the carnival, it was just in time to see Sam and Dean run into the funhouse. 

The door slammed shut behind them, and I tried it, but I didn’t expect it to open because of the way it’d shut. _What now?_ Looking around the building, I found something that I could use to climb up to the roof, but stopped when I got there, because I heard a voice down below me. “Hey, where’d you come from?” 

Looking down at Paige, I replied, “Could ask you the same thing. You’re supposed to stay in the car the way you did earlier. Stop trying to delay me.” 

She smiled, and then looked behind me before she said, “Yeah, go on . . . think that should just about do it.” _That’s good. I thought maybe she saw me show up out of thin air. Must’ve just seen me run up to the funhouse and didn’t know where I came from before that._

When I got to the air vent, it took me about a minute to get it open. Sticking my head in with my flashlight to see if the coast was clear, I sighed when I heard Paige’s voice right behind me. “What are you doing now?” 

Pulling myself out and looking up at her, I said, “What’s it look like I’m doing?” She didn’t get to answer before I heard Sam shout Dean’s name somewhere from the left. While squeezing myself into the vent, I told Paige to stay there, and then headed in the direction Sam’s voice had been. It was dusty and dead bugs were everywhere, but I wasn’t thinking about that as I belly crawled my way to where they were. I stopped when I heard them down below me. _No time to be subtle about this. They look like they’re in trouble._ Dean was pinned to the wall by a couple of knives. 

I kicked the vent open, shoved myself through the hole, and landed in a crouch on the floor. By then, Dean had turned up the steam in the room, which I thought was ingenious, because you could just start to make out the shape up the Rakshasa. It was standing with its back to me. Sam was in front of it. My hand with the copper dagger in it was about a foot away from stabbing it in the back when it dropped unexpectedly to the ground with a brass pipe sticking out of its chest. That’s when I saw the pipe organ. _Damn. That was ingenious too._ I looked down disappointedly at the body, and Dean laughed. “Better luck next time, Beth. Told you that you need to learn how throw a knife. Drinks are on you.” _Yeah, well . . ._ I looked up at the vent when Paige asked if the blood on the ground belonged to the monster. She wanted to know if it was dead yet. 

Sam looked at her and shook his head in disappointment. “Yeah, it’s dead. It’s invisible, and you were supposed to stay in the car.” 

Paige retorted, “If that’s where it is, look at how close she was. If it weren’t for me distracting her, she would’ve beat you to it.” 

Sam looked back at me, and I shrugged. “You may not have known her mission was to distract me when I showed up, but I suspect Dean did. He cheated.” 

Dean smirked and said, “Yeah? Where’d you get the new knife, Beth?” 

Looking down at the knife in my hand, I answered, “In a pioneer village not too far from here.” 

As we walked towards the door, Sam asked to look at the knife, so I handed it to him, and he shook his head. “This has to be from the Bronze Age, and you just found it in a pioneer village?” 

“It’s amazing the kinds of things that fall in your lap sometimes . . . By the way, we need to go back, so I can get Bobby’s truck.” They both laughed, and then Paige asked how she was supposed to get down before Sam went back to coach her through it. Yeah, this was a definite win even if I didn’t get the kill.

Going back to the Roadhouse, I think things were still going to plan for the most part. Sam and Cheryl got stuck with the van, and the rest of us got the truck, so there wasn’t any tension along the road. When we got back, Ellen said they did a good job. She may have included me in that, but I didn’t consider me a part of it, because their team won, which I told her, and then she pulled me aside to have a talk. 

“Look, I’m only gonna say this, because I’m tryin’ to help even though it may not seem that way now. I know you got started doin’ this real young, and you think that means you know what you’re doin’, but I’m not sure this is the career for you. You seem sweet . . . and smart. Might be best if you found somethin’ else to do.” 

I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about that. I think that I thought it was a bit of a downer after the high of a successful hunt. “Did John ever talk about me?” 

She didn’t look like she thought I’d respond that way. “Was a time he was like family, but that was a long time ago . . . must’ve been before you came on board. Haven’t seen as much of him since then.” Yeah, John was pretty good at being able to cut off ties with his friends. 

“He and I used to have a game we played,” I paused, because saying that in the past tense hit me harder than I was expecting. I ducked my head and took a couple of slow breaths before I carried on with what I’d wanted to say. “After the investigation was over and before we started the hunt, he’d give me a note . . . He wouldn’t hand it to me. He’d leave it somewhere for me to find, like an Easter egg, and I really had to search, but I always found it. I’d leave it unopened, and we’d do the hunt, and then I’d check to see if his prediction for what I’d do during the hunt was right or wrong. If he was right, he’d say something like, ‘I thought you were supposed to be a genius . . . need to do more to think outside the box,’ and I’d usually respond by leaving a note for him that had ways I could’ve or maybe should’ve done that . . . If he was wrong, he’d leave me something for the next time we had to hunt whatever it was . . . could be a short passage in one of my journals on lore he knew that we hadn’t gone over for the hunt or a knife or a protection amulet. He was right a lot more than he was wrong, but it was our game, so you see . . . me thinking of it like it’s a game isn’t a bad thing. It’s how I learned. 

Now Dean and Sam had an entirely different experience growing up with him. For them, it was like being in the military. There was no fun. There was no joy. It was do what John said without question. He had to cut himself off from being their Dad, because teaching them how to stay alive was more important to him than coaching their little league teams, and it probably worked, because if they aren’t already, they will be the best hunters that have ever lived, but it left a hole where their Dad should have been . . . It’s a hole that is that much bigger now that he’s gone, and they don’t know how to fill it. They needed this hunt to not just give them something to take their minds off of grieving, but to help them both remember that they still have each other, even if they deal with their loss differently . . . It doesn’t mean that it’ll be that way now for every hunt, although Dean and I have done this in the past when he needs something to cheer him up, but it’s what they needed at this specific moment in time.” 

She nodded that she understood, and then I heard Sam say, “Did you really mean all that?” Ellen made herself scarce, and I turned to look up at him while he came around the side of the booth to take her place next to me. 

“What’s not to mean? I just told it the way it was. She thought I was too naïve to be a hunter.” 

He smiled briefly before saying, “Do me a favor and don’t tell Dean that you think he’ll be one of the best hunters that’s ever lived.” 

“Too late . . . I tell him that all the time. You on the other hand . . . I know it’s not really what you want, but that doesn’t mean you still won’t make it to second best.” 

He laughed and then looked a little sad before he said, “You really think Dad was the way he was with us, because it’s the only way he knew how to be . . . He could either be ‘Dad of the Year’, or teach us how to hunt?” 

I nodded. “Yeah, it’s not what he wanted for you any more than you wanted it for you, but it’s what he had to do, so you two would be ready to protect each other when the time came. I think part of his quest for Azazel was as much about wanting to finish him off before you had to face him as it was revenge for your Mom, because I think it’s pretty obvious that Azazel’s got an interest in you for some reason . . . If I were a parent, that’s what I’d want . . . not the revenge, but for my kid to be able to protect itself from anything, and for me to take out all the bad things I could before it had to deal with them . . . I would’ve gone about it a different way. I would’ve wanted my child to know why I was doing what I was doing, because I would’ve wanted my child to know what it meant to me, but I don’t think John had it in him to do both after what happened to your Mom. Sorry to be a buzzkill . . . really just wanted you guys to have fun.” 

He’d started tearing up, and my intention hadn’t been to make him feel worse at all. It didn’t last long. Dean quickly sat across from us and said, “Keep the crazy chicks away from me.” It made Sam laugh before he looked over his shoulder at the bar. Jo and Cheryl were arguing, and Paige and Cheryl were arguing. Sam asked why they were fighting. Dean looked awkward for a second and said, “I don’t know . . . That Jo girl keeps flirting with me, and then Cheryl started in on it, and Paige said something about her working her way through both of us, and now they’re all fighting. I didn’t even do anything.” 

Sam leaned forward conspiratorially to say, “I’ve got something to take your mind off of that . . . Beth’s thinking about having kids,” and then started laughing when I shoved him and said I hadn’t said that. 

Dean quickly got over his shock and said, “Is that why you were all misty-eyed when I came over, Sam? Does the thought of being an uncle bring a little tear to your eye?” 

Dean laughed at Sam’s reaction, and before Sam could say something equally as awkward for me as the last thing he’d said, I promptly climbed over the back of the seat behind me saying, “I’ll, uh, go see if I can sort this out . . . rather take on a pack of banshees than talk about this,” and left them to it.


	38. Things That Never Change

Finally, his baby was done, and she looked good. Dean ran his hand down along her body and admired how she shined in the morning sunlight. He felt like he’d put a part of himself into her. They’d been in it together. She’d helped him recover from the crash as much as he had her. If she wasn’t his before this, she was now. He couldn’t wait to get out of here, not for a single hunt, but to hit the road and see where it took them. Nothing against Bobby, but he was ready for a little freedom with his brother, Beth, and his Impala. Even had the case picked out, and it was nothing but the open road between here and there. His bags were packed, and he was ready to go. Now he just had to go wake up Sam and Beth. 

“Oh, good. Getting a little sick of the FBI routine. I’m looking forward to being a reporter,” Beth said from the back seat as they rolled into Red Lodge. 

Looking over the seat, Sam said, “Actually, I was thinking you could go check out the farms while me and Dean go to the sheriff’s office.” 

Beth paused for a few seconds before quickly saying, “Okay, but I can still be a reporter, right?” Sam laughed and told her to go for it. She started digging through her bag for her press badge and said, “Hey, can I say I’m competing with your newspaper?” 

Sam looked at her again and shook his head. “What is it with you and competitions? How don’t you have an ulcer?” They were both in a good mood too. Could crash and burn any second, because all of their moods were up and down these days, but right now they were all running on a high. 

“Ulcers are caused by H. pylori. I must not have any attacking my stomach,” Beth answered distractedly as she found her badge and started looking for a notepad. 

“All right, high blood pressure, then?” 

“Seriously? We’re hunters, and you’re worried about me having high blood pressure?” 

Sam snorted. “Good point . . . Yeah, we’ll be the Weekly World News. You be whatever you want.” 

Beth thought about it and said, “Bizarre Weekly. Meet you guys in the morgue later,” before she hopped out and started heading off on her own.

“That sounds all kinds of wrong,” Sam muttered before he glanced at Dean. “I honestly have no idea how she is on all the time. She never does anything the easy way. She never just relaxes.” 

Dean reached over Sam to look in the glove box for their press badges and said, “She can’t. She has to keep a step ahead of the memories she doesn’t remember.“ 

They got out of the car together, and Sam said, “She still doesn’t know?” 

“She has a feeling about the kinds of things that happened, but she doesn’t know, and it’s better if she doesn’t.” 

Sam looked like he wasn’t sure how to ask the next part. “When did this happen Dean? You met her when she was 5, and I don’t see anything messing with her when her Dad is whatever he is.” 

_I know what your next question is gonna be._ “The way he explained it was that it was in like a past life. In the history of mankind only two other people have gotten this kind of a do over . . . but the things that had her in her old life are still after her.” 

“What is she, Dean?” 

_That’s what I thought._ “I already told you. She’s human. Her Dad might not be, but she is.” 

“But she doesn’t know he’s not human?” Dean shook his head, and Sam exclaimed in disbelief, “How can she not know? She’s never once questioned it?” 

Dean smiled a little sadly. “Why would she? He’s her Dad, and he does things to keep her from looking too hard, like when he had Azazel pinned to the wall, he put that devil’s trap above him to make it look like that’s what was holding him there when she came in the room.” 

Sam opened the door to the sheriff’s department and said, “She didn’t think it was weird that her Dad could have a chat with Azazel, and it made Azazel cut the binding sigil on Dad’s arm and take off?” 

“Nope. Didn’t think anything of her Dad being trapped in a ring of fire before that either, because he told her it was magic demon fire.” Dean stopped Sam from turning to ask him another question by nudging his arm to keep him going forward. He didn’t mind Sam talking to him about it if it meant Sam wouldn’t talk to her about it, but right now, they had a hunt to do.

_Well, that was a bust._ They walked down the steps of the police station and made their way towards the morgue, and Sam started back up again. “He’s an angel, isn’t he? He said something about the Fall, and he said something about Lucifer. He said he’d torch Heaven before he let anyone up there have her again.” 

Dean stopped in his tracks, and said, “Yeah, not just any angel though,” and started walking again. 

Catching up with him, Sam whispered, “I thought angels were supposed to be good guys, but you said that the things out there like him are worse than demons.” 

_I did? Yeah, I did . . . forgot his brain is like a sponge._ “They’re a lot worse, Sam . . . and a lot more powerful . . . It’s why I left. How am I supposed to keep her safe from them when we’re having a hard time with the Yellow-eyed demon? Thought she’d be better off if she stayed with him, but she took off the first chance she got, and her Dad and Dad both said she was only safe with me.” 

Sam asked him who her Dad was . . . Gabriel told him to be careful who he said anything to about it. “I can’t say right now . . . ask him if you wanna know.” 

“Azazel knows . . . They knew each other.”

_Doesn’t matter._ “I’ll never forgive myself if I get her Dad killed. She needs him. I need him. I can’t explain it . . . I just know we need him on our side.” 

Sam stopped him and was totally sincere when he said, “I swear I won’t say anything. She’s a part of this family. I wanna know what we need to do to keep her safe.” 

Dean took a deep breath. _I want to tell you, but . . ._ “What about things that are near us that can read our minds, Sam? Angels and demons both can.” 

Sam slumped a little before he said, “But you know, and Dad knew.” 

_Ah, come on . . . don’t give me that sad look._ “Gabriel . . . Her Dad is the archangel Gabriel.” 

Sam started to crack a smile before he saw that Dean was being serious, and then his smile fell. “The archangel Gabriel hates me?” Dean turned and started walking. Sam caught up to him again and said, “Ever since that stunt I pulled with the cops when we were kids, he has always given me the . . . Wait a minute. That’s how he knew what I did. Micro-expressions? Come on . . . how can she not know?” 

Dean saw Beth walking their way and looked up at Sam over his shoulder. “She’s not ready to hear it, and it cannot come from you . . . don’t even hint at it to get her to ask you what you’re talking about. He’s her Dad, and that’s it.” 

Sam glanced at her and sighed before he nodded in agreement. “Is that why she can ask God for things? He’s like her grandfather, right?” 

Dean hadn’t thought of it like that, but it made him laugh. “No, but I hear she met Him, so she could get that second life. Maybe that’s why.” 

“Why do I feel like everything in our lives just got a whole lot bigger?” 

_Yeah, tell me about it._ “Probably not the time to say it, but Gabriel’s big brother Raphael is the one that had her, and he knows where she is now . . . not the place, but the year. That’s why her Dad put those marks on our ribs to hide us from angels, and why he was pissed with Azazel for giving it away, and if their oldest brother Michael, the most powerful thing in creation, finds out about her, he’ll wipe her out, because angels aren’t suppose to have children. The only other archangel is Lucifer, so yeah, his brothers are bad news.” Sam stopped walking again, so Dean smiled and kept going. Part of him wanted to mess with Sam and tell him about those prophecies, but Sam’d had enough for now.

Beth watched Gordon drive away and shook her head. “Is that guy for real, a chupacabra? What do I care if something is sucking goats dry. It’d be like saying let’s murder a tiger, because he eats goats.” 

Sam laughed and said, “You know that’s what we do, right? We kill the man-eating monsters out there.” 

Beth threw Sam a look while she climbed in the back. “When tigers are as smart as humans and start looking like us enough that they can have a 9 to 5 without anyone noticing, then I’ll worry about hunting them.” Dean put the car in reverse and hesitated for a second before he decided to start tailing Gordon. If this was already Gordon’s case, they should leave it, but Dean wanted to hunt. It’s why they were here, and they’d put the legwork in on it . . . and they’d dropped a 50 with that bartender. They were seeing this through, and following Gordon seemed like as good a way to do that as any.

When they got to the mill, they separated. Sam went with him, and Beth did her thing. Looked like Gordon was having some trouble. Dean and Sam sprinted up the ramp and Sam pulled Gordon away from the power saw while Dean took on the vampire himself. Before he could finish it off with the power saw, a machete swung down through it’s neck, and its head went rolling past Dean’s foot. He looked up in annoyance, and Beth smiled. “What? I need to make up my numbers somehow.” 

Dean quickly said, “You’ve already killed –“ He stopped when Sam cleared his throat. What? Dean was the only one of them that hadn’t killed a vampire yet. Oh, that Gordon guy was watching them and apparently wanted to buy them drinks. Might as well get something out of this hunt.

Dean didn’t know what to make of Gordon. Apparently, Gordon had met their Dad once, but it was what Gordon knew about John Winchester’s reputation that kind of drew Dean in . . . maybe a little. He’d always thought of his Dad, like he was a legend, but to hear someone else he didn’t even know say that his Dad was . . . it meant a lot. It was like there was this whole other life his Dad was a part of all these years, and now that he was gone, they were just now starting to see it for the first time. 

On the other hand, Dean didn’t necessarily like all these people, specifically hunters, knowing about him and his family when he didn’t know them. Maybe there was a reason his Dad kept them from other hunters all these years. Maybe Bobby, Pastor Jim, and Caleb were the only ones out there that his Dad trusted. Wouldn’t hurt to get to know why. From the sounds of things, his hunter worldview was extremely limited. There were a lot more of them out there than Dean had thought. 

When Sam and Beth decided to take off after a couple of drinks, Dean stuck around to talk to Gordon more. He empathized with the guy. Gordon’s sister turning into a monster was something that Dean had worried about happening with Sam over the last year. Even more after the last real conversation he’d ever had with his Dad. 

Dean got the feeling that the reason his Dad kept them on the road growing up was so he could keep Sam away from Azazel. He knew that Beth thought something along those lines too. He and Sam had talked about it back at that Roadhouse that one night. Well, he hadn’t, but Sam had. Whatever she’d said to Sam made Sam seem . . . maybe like he finally understood their Dad. Beth knew their Dad pretty well in a different way than they did . . . In some ways it was like she’d been their Dad’s friend and co-conspirator when it came to protecting them instead of another kid he had to raise. Dean wondered if he should talk to her about his Dad. Maybe he was almost ready. Gordon hadn’t really known John Winchester the man. 

He’d stuck around to find out what other hunters were like, and half an hour later, he had a pretty good idea. Something in his gut told him Gordon was bad news the more he talked to him. “Nah, Beth was born to do this the same as I was, and it’s all right if Sam was –“ 

“I heard she took out Luther’s nest. I was tracking that fang for a long time.” 

_How’d he hear that? Wasn’t anyone there except Dad and Sam . . . I guess they did save some people. This guy must really do his research . . . must’ve talked to those people . . . and shouldn’t that prove that Beth was born to do this._

Dean didn’t like all this interest in his family that other hunters seemed to have. His family had a lot of secrets to hide from guys like this that would kill Sam and maybe even Beth with their black and white view of the world. “She killed him and couple of others, and maybe she shot the rest full of dead man’s blood, but my Dad and Sam killed the rest . . . like I said, she was born to do this the same as I was.” 

Gordon sat back and said, “Don’t get me wrong, but little girl’s that think this is a game, aren’t people that were born to do this . . . more likely than not, they create the game, so they can escape the reality of what they’re doing, and it’ll get them killed some day, because they’re not cut out for it.” 

_That’s not a million miles away from what Ellen said to her, but they don’t know Beth._ “My Dad used to say that thinking of it like a game is what made her good at strategy . . . and because she’s small, she needs to compensate for it by using her head more. He also used to say that her looking so cute and innocent is what made her so lethal, because the things we hunt underestimate her.”

Gordon tossed his last shot back with a grin and said, “Guess we’ll have to see . . . Better know not to steal any kills from me.” She was smarter than that, but Dean wasn’t entirely sure Gordon wouldn’t try to goad her into something. _Damn._

When they got to the motel, Sam and Beth weren’t there. When Sam came back without her 10 minutes later, Dean asked where she was. “Uh, she made some new friends . . . You know how she is.” Beth didn’t make friends. She attracted weirdos. 

Dean went to grab his keys. “Why the hell did you leave her? What bar is it?” 

Sam laughed nervously and said, “Uh, yeah, can I talk to you outside?” 

When they got outside, Sam explained the situation, and Dean almost shouted, “They kept her as a hostage?” 

“No, they were going to let us both go, but Beth wanted to stay and talk to them . . . She feels bad for killing that one at the mill. You’re gonna have to talk to her. She’s taking it pretty hard.” 

_That can’t be right. Beth wanted to get Sam out of there for a reason. Maybe she left me a message?_ “Well, what did she say?” 

“She wasn’t saying a whole lot . . . she shed a few tears and said she felt like a murderer.” 

Dean brought his hand to the bridge of his nose, while he thought it through. Her crying had to be some kind of a message. He was mostly talking to himself while he said, “Beth doesn’t cry, Sam . . . She didn’t even cry when Dad died. She -” 

“Yeah, she did . . . She’s not a blubbering mess kind of person. She’s a silent crier, but she lost some tears over Dad . . . a couple of times. She just didn’t want you to see it. She’s not trying to send you a message. She just feels really bad for killing something innocent that was trying to make a living working on the night shift. That’s what she said.” 

Dean dropped his hand and said, “How bad? Bad enough that the reason she really stayed behind is to protect them while they get out of town?” Sam paused, like he hadn’t thought of that and reluctantly nodded. “All right. We’ll send Gordon in another direction, and then you can try and help me find where they are,” Dean said turning to go back into the room. When they got there, the room was empty, and his keys were gone. Fuck.

“Left down this road?” Dean didn’t even wait for Sam to say it was the right road before he took a hard left and hit the accelerator. 

“Why are we in such a hurry, Dean? There’s no way he –“ 

“Would kill another person for trying to protect a monster? Yeah, he would. He’s not like us.” 

“Well, then why did you spend all night talking to him?” 

“I mostly wanted to find out why we’ve only met 3 hunters when there are so many others out there. I thought maybe there was a reason why Dad kept us away from them, and I thought right. We’re all killers, but there’s a difference between doin’ it for the right reasons and the wrong reasons. I think most of ‘em do it for the wrong reasons.” 

“We save people first, and hunt things second? Is that what you mean?” Yeah, actually . . . that seemed pretty on the mark, so Dean nodded, and Sam said, “I think it’s just up here.” 

When they got in the house, Gordon had a vampire tied up in a chair, and there was no sign of Beth. Gordon invited them in, like he was having a party. “Hey, Gordon. What’s goin’ on?” _Yeah, I can see that’s what you’re doing with the vamp. Thought you’d give me more than the obvious, psycho._ “Where’s Beth?” 

Dean heard Beth’s voice come from the room behind him. “I’m here. I just wanted you to see how much of an ass he is before I said anything. In case you have any doubts about Lenore . . . I’ve been bleeding for a while, and she hasn’t done anything about it . . . Well, she made a face at me, but she put her fangs away and tried to help me stop the bleeding until Gordon came up and stabbed her in the back.” 

Keeping his eyes on Gordon, Dean asked her why she was bleeding. “Well, one second I was explaining why these vampires aren’t bad, and the next there was a knife in my chest. I wasn’t expecting him to throw it, because I’m unarmed. I have no idea what kinds of diseases I now have if it had dead man’s blood on it . . . He says it didn’t, but I don’t believe a word he says . . . He’s a liar. A big freaking liar that knew they weren’t killing anyone.” 

Dean’s look turned dark. “You threw a knife into my girlfriend’s chest?” 

Gordon laughed and said, “Well, you’re the one that told me she’s lethal because she looks so cute and innocent . . . Relax. If I wanted her to be dead, she would be . . . it was something to teach her a lesson on which side we play for . . . think she’s got her wires a little crossed,” just before he sliced across Lenore’s hand with the knife dipped in dead man’s blood. Sam took a step forward to stop him, and Dean put his hand up to keep him in check. They were standing in a powder keg that was set to go off, and the last thing they needed was Sam lighting the match. 

Dean tried to empathize with the hostage taker and found out that was a big waste of time. The guy killed his own sister, and no, there’s no way Dean would do that to Sam. If it’d been him, he would’ve locked Sam up until he was sure Sam would stay off the human blood the way these vamps did . . . Sam could have his steak as rare as he wanted it as long as Sam was still around. “You’re sure about the tigers, Beth?” 

Dean trusted her judgement on the vamps. “Yeah, they had a lousy start to the season, but they turned it around and made the play offs.” 

Dean laughed briefly at what she’d said to look more relaxed before he pulled his gun faster than Gordon was expecting it. This guy was seriously unhinged if he thought Dean was going to let someone stabbing Beth go . . . teach her a fucking lesson? What was this the Ted Bundy school for hunters? “Sam, get the vamp out of here . . . make sure she gets out of town all right.” Sam went to Lenore, cut her ropes, and picked her up. She was in bad shape. Dean kept his gun trained on Gordon, and provided safe passage for them out of the room. 

As soon as they were gone, Gordon was more than a little pissed at the turn of events, so Dean told him if he wanted to get those vamps, he was gonna have to go through him. Gordon said, “Fine,” and jammed his knife into the table. If Gordon wanted a fair fight, Dean would give him one, but he didn’t think it was going to be a fair fight after what Gordon did to Beth. 

“Keep it . . . You’re gonna need it, but I won’t need this,” Dean said as he pulled the magazine out of his gun and put it on the table just before Gordon punched him. It wasn’t even a close fight. Dean might’ve been fueled on by anger, because he had no idea how bad Beth was . . . had to be bad if a vamp had felt like it had to help her over protecting its own back . . . but Dean didn’t let his anger get the better of him. Every move he made was cold and calculated. He was faster, stronger, and less forgiving in his strikes than the man he was fighting. Gordon grabbing his knife again didn’t really make a difference. Dean was expecting it, and quickly disarmed him. Gordon wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while, and it wasn’t just because Dean tied him up. Dean left him kind of a mess.

Picking up his gun on his way past the table, Dean went to go check on Beth. She was tied up in the other room. He cut the ropes around her wrists and ankles, so he could sit her up against the wall, and then rested his forehead against hers. She smiled tiredly and said, “We’ve gotta stop meeting this way.” 

_Yeah, we do._ “Think we need to have a word about ‘stranger danger’ again . . . just because you wouldn’t do something like this,” he said pointing at where the blood was leaking out near her collar bone, “doesn’t mean other people won’t. Don’t let your guard down around anyone you don’t know.” 

She whispered, “Can I let you in on a secret?” He nodded, so she said, “That Bender family wasn’t human. They were monsters that needed to be stopped because of all the other people they killed, but . . . I have a really hard time making myself fight for me if it’s just for me. I don’t know if I can . . . for you I could . . . for innocents I could . . . but not me.” 

He put his hand on the side of her head and said, “I know.” 

“Do you think something is wrong with me?” 

He took a deep breath and said, “Yeah, there are a lot of things wrong with you,” before he smiled to let her know he was kidding. “But not this . . . I don’t understand it, but it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. You just don’t think you’re as important as the people you should be protecting yourself from, and it overrides your natural instincts . . . I mean I know they’re there. You use ‘em with the monsters we hunt, no question.” He paused to brush her hair behind her ear before he added, “That’s why I take care of it when I can . . . but I’m not always gonna be there . . . I don’t want to lose you to some second rate hunter or a dickhead in a bar . . . Can’t hold up your half of the bargain if you’re not here. That’s why I’m gonna keep saying it. I’m hoping you’ll get it one of these days.” She breathed out a slow breath, and he thought she’d had enough, so he changed the subject and said, “Let’s get you out of here, so I can stitch that up. I found what was left of your first aid kid in the trunk. We’ll use the rest of that Christmas stuff that your Dad gave us on your cut, so you can be ready for our next hunt.” 

She stopped him again by whispering, “I did something bad tonight.” 

No, she didn’t. “You didn’t know. It looked like any other monster when we saw it.” 

Beth teared up a little and shook her head. “But I should have known better . . . The only ‘people’ that were dead here were vampires. Everything else was a dead cow. Every other hunt we’ve been on was when there were dead people.” 

Dean licked his lips and said, “Gordon might’ve brought it on himself, but if we hadn’t stepped in when we did, it would’ve killed him.” 

“But it was just defending itself . . . isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?” 

He wasn’t quiet sure how to answer that one. “Yeah, but all the monsters we kill are just trying to defend themselves when we hunt them down. It doesn’t change that if we didn’t do our job, they’d kill again, and that vamp would’ve killed Gordon. Might’ve even pushed it back over the edge.” 

She bit her bottom lip briefly before she dropped it and asked, “Did you really tell him I’m lethal because I look cute and innocent?” 

“What? Me call you cute and innocent? Never. Thought you said you didn’t believe a word out of his mouth.” 

She smiled before she gave a quick laugh and said, “Now, I think you’re a big liar.” She’d be all right. Gordon on the other hand . . . they should be all right if they stayed out of his way. They’d done it their whole lives up til now. Hopefully, they wouldn’t have to see him again.


	39. It Could Go Either Way

Pulling up at the Roadhouse, my happiness levels decreased by a factor of 10. This place stressed me out. I don’t think Dean was particularly keen on going in there either, but Sam was already out of the car on his mission to look into his latest vision, so we followed him. We’d left Cheryl and Paige here. Paige agreed to be their cook, and Cheryl . . . I don’t know what she was doing. She still wasn’t talking to me. I wondered how she was getting on with the people that came into the Roadhouse. I think more hunters were patrons here than Ellen had let on the first time we came here. Mostly, I thought that because of things like the two men sitting at a table cleaning their guns out in the open. I’d say that pretty much summed this place up.

Dean awkwardly sidestepped Jo after almost running into her. I didn’t know what her deal was. Maybe she was a little into him, but I don’t think that’s what all this was. I think she wanted something from him and was trying to cozy up to him to get it, but she was too immature to figure out a better way of getting it. If anything, she was making him want to run the other way. Dean and Sam took off to go find Ash, so I stopped Jo and said, “Can I ask you something?” 

She seemed a bit cold whenever she talked to me, but I was chalking that up to the part of her that had a little crush on Dean, so I ignored it. “What do you want from him? You’re playing games. I just haven’t figured out what they are.” She paused, like she was considering answering me, but was interrupted when Paige came running out of the back to give me a big hug.

“You have to bring me with you. I can’t stay here anymore. The people who come through here . . . They make you guys seem like tame little kittens, and I can’t take being around Cheryl for another second. I swear I won’t get in the way. I just need some space and breathing room, or I’m gonna take off . . . well, I would if it didn’t feel like Ellen has me on lockdown.” 

I wasn’t expecting that. “What about Cheryl? She’s not going to try and leave too, is she?” 

Paige stepped back and said, “Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t care. I think she’s having fun in her clinic that she set up out back. Probably shouldn’t let her see you. She’s just now getting calmed down again after the last time.” 

_Pretty sure this kind of high school drama is why I started hanging out in libraries when I was a kid._ “I’ll have to talk to Dean and Sam about it. I don’t know how much more space you’ll have if you’re with us. It’s the three of us in the car and sharing a motel room most of the time.” 

Heading off towards the back, she muttered, “I’ll manage. I’m just going to go pack. They can’t turn me down if I’m already packed.” 

A little later, Dean came and sat next to me at the bar. “This was a bad idea. I don’t think we should be here.” 

I didn’t think we should be there either. The last place we should’ve been researching this thing with Sam was here. I knew time was of the essence, and Ash was a computer genius, but this is something we could’ve researched ourselves. I didn’t say that though. I didn’t have to say it. He already knew, so instead I said, “Paige wants to come with us. I told her I’d have to talk to you and Sam. She said that you can’t turn her down if she’s already packed, so that’s what she’s doing right now. I don’t think she likes the clientele or being around Cheryl. She’s talking about taking off on her own.” 

Dean brought his hands up from the bar and rested his head in them before taking a deep breath. “For how long? And what about Cheryl?” 

“Not sure how long she’ll want to stay with us. She says she thinks Cheryl likes her clinic that she’s set up in the back, but maybe she just said that, so we wouldn’t bring her. We’re going to have to separate them if we want them to stay wherever we put them. They can’t be together anymore.” 

“All right . . . Who the hell put on REO Speedwagon?” Dean looked over his shoulder and saw that it was Jo. When she smiled at him, he threw his eyes to Heaven and put his head back in his hands. “Do you ever feel like . . . I don’t even know how to explain it, Beth . . . It’s like things are the way they’re supposed to be, and they’re not . . . You know when that doctor told me and Sam about Dad . . . I was relieved. I thought at least the Yellow-eyed demon didn’t get him. What the hell is that? I mean my Dad is dead, and that sucks. It really sucks, but there’s a part of me that thinks that if it had to happen . . . at least it went down this way. I don’t know what to do with that.” 

I ordered two shots from Ellen and slid the whiskey towards Dean. “I felt the same way. I felt mostly numb and a little relieved that Azazel hadn’t taken him out too and maybe a little sad that he couldn’t see his life’s work through to the end, but at the same time it was like there was a tiny voice in the back of my head saying that maybe he wasn’t supposed to be the one to finish it.” 

Dean dropped one of his hands and moved it to the shot glass before he rolled his head to look at me and said, “You think that means something?” 

I leaned forward and whispered, “Do you believe in Fate? Because my Dad –“ 

Sam interrupted us to say that he’d found a match, and we had to go. Dean gave me a tired look and raised his glass to me before we both downed them and got up to follow Sam. I’d forgotten about Paige, but she was on the ball. She ran around the counter with her bags, and for now it looked like we’d picked up a fourth.

“What are they talking about? The demon? The one that you’re trying to hide me and Cheryl from?” 

I glanced at Dean in the rearview mirror, and he wasn’t paying attention, so I guess this one fell to me to handle. “Yeah, but the demon isn’t going to be where we’re going. There just might be something bad that’s happening because of something he left behind there. Sam got a lead on it during our last case, so we’re going to check it out.” 

While I was talking, she was listening to me, not Sam saying things about having premonitions, so that was lucky timing. Dean glanced at me in the mirror and gave me a slight nod to acknowledge what I’d said. I guess he’d been paying more attention than he’d let on. He just had a lot of other things on his mind and had decided to let me deal with it. After that, he nudged Sam to get his attention and indicated towards the backseat, like Sam should watch it. For his effort, he got a moderately annoyed look from Sam and then silence as Sam focused his attention on quietly reading some papers he had.

When we got to Guthrie, I set Paige up in a motel room while Dean and Sam went to go hunt this Andy down, starting at Andy’s previous place of employment. By the time I caught up with them, they knew he lived in a van on Orchard Street, so that’s where we went. 

Dean and Sam were arguing about how Sam was one of ‘them’ . . . one of Azazel’s kids, I guess, and a minute or two into their discussion, I said, “I don’t know. I thought you were one of us.” 

“Well, I’m not . . . I never have been. I’ve always been different.” 

“That’s because you’re a hunter.” 

Sam shook his head. “No, I’ve always been different than you and Dean and Dad.” I was going to refute that, but Sam looked back at me and exclaimed, “Stop trying so hard. I know what I am. I’m one of them. We’re all a bunch of psychic freaks, and he wants us to be-“ 

Dean finished Sam’s sentence with, “What? Killers?” and I decided to leave them to it on whether or not Sam was capable of being a murderer. Obviously he was or that shifter fiasco in St. Louis wouldn’t have happened, but I wasn’t going to say that. It wasn’t something he needed to hear right now. Turns out I didn’t need to bring that up at all, because he did. 

“What about what I did to Beth on that shifter case? You can’t tell me you-“ 

I tagged back in on the discussion and said, “But you didn’t use your powers to do that. You were just a standard, run of the mill, attempted-murderer about it.” 

That earned me a glare from Sam. “Do you even hear yourself?” 

Sitting back, I sighed before saying. “Look, he can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. If you don’t want to go out there and blow people up with your mind, then don’t. End of story.” 

That’s when we saw Andy leave a house, and a minute or two later, Sam saw the shooter from his vision and decided to follow him. Dean told me to stick with Sam and make sure he was all right, so I took off after Sam, while Dean followed Andy. Sam barely acknowledged that I was there. His focus was completely on the man. He was waiting for something. 

A few minutes later, the doctor got a phone call, and Sam said, “It’s happening,” before he took off towards a sporting goods store. I thought the timing on all of this was pretty damn convenient. We just saw both Andy and this guy for the first time, and now Sam’s premonition kicks in? This yellow-eyed demon was pulling the strings of these psychics, like a puppet master, and we were indulging him . . . I mean maybe this doctor wouldn’t even be in danger if we weren’t here. 

Sam pulled the fire alarm and came back out. The doctor turned around, and started to walk in a different direction now that his concentration had been broken, or was it something else? Coming up behind me, Sam said, “Hey, is that the Impala?” 

It was, but I barely glanced at it, because my attention was on the doctor. If he were truly suicidal . . . not just suicidal, but committed to it . . . he wouldn’t let something like a fire alarm stop him, would he? He would’ve gone into the store anyway and gotten a gun in all the confusion, or if the building was truly on fire, that’s where he would’ve wanted to be to finish the job, or maybe he would’ve found something else to do equally as self-destructive. 

He got another phone call, and a vacant expression came over his face again . . . he’d had it when he was going into the sporting goods store. Sam was on his phone calling someone, but I nudged him to get his attention. “I don’t think this is over, Sam.” I barely got it out before the doctor stepped out in front of a bus. It was so last second that there was no way anybody could’ve stopped it. Death by bus is not a pretty way to go.

After that Dean found us. Andy had his car. Sam was in a self-loathing spiral for some reason. He’d been quiet about all of this psychic stuff lately. I guess his Dad died, so he’d had other things on his mind. My job was to keep either one of them from spiraling. It’s just that Sam rarely did. “I don’t know. Dean met him, handed over his car, and if he still doesn’t think he’s our guy, I believe him.” 

Sam looked up at me from his spot on the curb and said, “How can you say that? You know what I’m capable of doing,” before he looked at Dean next to him and added, “Both of you do . . . Why couldn’t he be capable of the same thing?” 

I shrugged and answered, “What’s the motive? He makes creditor’s leave him alone, but he kills a doctor for kicks? It doesn’t make any sense.” 

Dean snapped his fingers and pointed at me before saying, “What she said. Even crazy psychic kids need a motive for doing something like this. Max did. I just don’t see Andy being behind this when he’s living the dream.” Sam looked like he might drop it for now, but I was sure it was going to come up again.

We spent a little while on foot trying to locate the Impala, and we found her in an abandoned lot. Andy didn’t wreck her, and her keys were there. To me, that showed he wasn’t mean spirited. He took things that didn’t belong to him, but what 23 year old wouldn’t if they found out they could have anything they wanted handed to them on a silver platter just by asking? 

Dean glanced at me through the rearview mirror after I thought that and said, “You don’t ask God for things unless you need them.” 

Maybe Dean wasn’t so sure of Andy. “Maybe I would have 3 years ago?” He didn’t look like he thought I’d matured that much in 3 years, so I said, “He lives in a van, not a mansion, and I do my fair share of not asking for things I need. Lifts when you leave me along side the road after kicking the shit out of the Colt comes to mind.” Dean smiled, and as Sam got in the car, I added, “And I didn’t necessarily need that box of pizza or your TAURUS. I think they were freebies, because we were figuring it out, but I think from now on I need to be more careful on how I word things. I think I need to not ask for things, but help with situations instead.” 

God didn’t heal Dean after his car accident, and God didn’t give me the demon-killing knife when I went to get John back from Meg. I got a piece of chalk. It was like my Dad with Christmas presents. Sometimes I got something better than I wanted and sometimes I got something worse, and just like I eventually learned with those, being vague was probably a better way to go when it came to asking for things. My Dad had trained me well. 

“What about that brass knife? You didn’t ask for that?” 

I smiled in response and said, “Nope . . . just asked for help in winning the game, not to win the game. I got what I needed and ended up where I had to be without having to ask for either.” 

Our next stop was Andy’s van again. I got an idea on the way there and had Dean pull over at the sporting goods store first. I wanted to try something. “Can I experiment on you guys if we see him again?” 

Dean smiled briefly and said, “What are you thinking?” 

Rummaging through my new purchases, I answered, “Well, I’m going to wear ear plugs, so I can’t hear what he says, and if it looks like he’s going to mind control you guys into anything, I’ll blare this air horn. I want to see if it breaks his hold on you. That’s what the fire alarm seemed to do with that doctor.” 

Sam and Dean glanced at each other before Sam look back at me and said, “About that . . . we were thinking. What if you asked for a little help in not being mind controlled?” 

_From God?_ Dean nodded marginally to answer the question I’d asked in my head, so I said, “For all of us, or just Dean? He’s the only one of us that’s been mind controlled. If Andy can’t do it again the next time they see each other, then we’ll know it worked, and Dean can have the air horn, so we can see if that works to break the hold.” 

Dean came up with a different option. “I know it messes you getting to do an experiment, but go for all 3 . . . I don’t think it’s Andy, but that doesn’t mean there’s not something or someone else in this town doing it. Probably better if we’re all covered.” 

_God, mind control sucks. However you want to help keep that from happening to the three of us for the rest of this case . . . have fun with it._ Dean gave me a smirk at my lame attempt at a prayer, and I sat back and shrugged. I still hadn’t quite gotten the hang of it, but it’s the best I could come up with on short notice.

We checked out Andy’s van, and there wasn’t much there to indicate that he was evil. He was smart, liked weed, and lived in a pimped out van. He was harmless, or he seemed to be. After we went to get some food and came back to stake out his van, Andy found us, and I was expecting something noticeable to happen, like the air horn magically going off on its own whenever he talked, but it didn’t. 

Andy asked us why we were there, and Sam started to tell him we were lawyers . . . Dean didn’t say anything. Andy told us to tell the truth, and Sam said he was . . . Dean didn’t say anything. I said, “I think he should know, Sam. This guy isn’t a killer. We’re scaring him, and he’s still hasn’t done anything like tell us to jam a screwdriver in our eye.” Looking at Andy, I added, “Put your powers away, and we’ll talk.” 

You could say that Andy’s fear escalated after that. He quickly started to walk away from the car, and Sam and I got out to follow him. Sam started his psychic powers spiel, and Andy freaked out. He thought that Sam was crazy and wanted us to leave him alone. Sam seemed to have it under control, like he wanted to be the one to deal with this, so I went around to the driver’s side to see why Dean hadn’t come with us. 

I opened the door. Still nothing. _He looks like a statue._ I poked his shoulder to see if I could get a response, and Dean immediately got up and pushed past me to go be with Sam, but the second he and I were no longer touching, he stopped moving again. _What the fuck?_

I looked over at Sam to see if he had seen any of that, but it looked like he was starting to have another vision. “Andy, don’t just stand there! Catch him!” Andy snapped out of his state of shock and went to help Sam to the ground. My attention went back to Dean, who was still standing there like a mannequin. 

_What am I supposed to do with you?_ I put my hand on Dean’s forearm, and he looked down at my hand before he looked at me and said, “God’s a dick.” Tagging along with him as he walked with determination towards Sam, I wondered if Sam touching Dean would have the same effect, so when Dean crouched down next to Sam to see if sam was okay, I let go of him again. _Nope. Just a statue again . . . He’s gonna be pissed I did that._

Glancing at Andy, I came up with an idea. “Hey, Andy, uh, I know this is weird, but I need you to promise something . . . I need you to promise that you won’t do your mind control thing on Dean again, and I want you to mean it.” 

Andy looked at Sam in concern before he said, “Yeah, sure . . . I won’t,” and just like that, Dean was fine. 

Dean turned to give me a look and said, “Why the hell did that work?” 

“I don’t know. As long as Andy’s not going to do anything to you, there’s no need for you to be frozen or whatever . . . and now you know he’s a decent guy, because he said he won’t, and that seemed to be good enough for –“ 

Dean put his hand up to stop me from saying it was good enough for God, and then listened to what Sam had to say about his vision. Not long after that, we heard sirens, and Dean went to investigate them, while I kept an eye on Andy and Sam. “He’s not a bad guy, Sam . . . I just know he’s not.” 

Sam rounded on me and yelled, “And what the hell was that? Why did Dean freeze the way he did? I understand Andy not having an effect on me, but what about you?” 

“Maybe we each got different things out of the deal, or maybe people that can block demons from being able to read their mind can block people from controlling them, or maybe–“ 

“And how many people can do that?” 

“Some, I’m sure . . . like people who are Zen probably could.” Andy started laughing nervously when I said the Zen thing, and that drew Sam’s focus back onto Andy, so I had to step between them. “You know, Sam . . . I think you need to learn how to chill out, especially after you have these visions. It’s probably not good to get pissed off when you have them . . . might feed into something you don’t want.” Sam seemed a little hurt that I’d said that. _What? He’s the one that’s been saying he’s going evil all day._ “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean –“ 

Sam’s phone rang and cut off my apology. It was Dean. The woman Sam saw in his vision was already dead. Sam must’ve been having his vision around the same time that it was happening. Again the timing was completely circumspect.

When Dean came back, he and I went to go investigate the dead woman, and Sam stayed with Andy to fill him in on everything, I guess. As soon as we pulled away, Dean said, “Seriously, what the hell was that back there, Beth?” 

_God does what He wants, and He’s a practical joker?_ “I don’t know . . . What was it like for you?” 

Dean’s eyes flickered back and forth a couple of times while he tried to find a way to explain it. Eventually, he said, “Like the opposite of mind control . . . My mind was my own, but I couldn’t make my body do what I wanted.” 

_”That’s a good thing isn’t it?”_

“Is it? What the hell am I supposed to do if I can’t move when you two need me? And why did it stop when you were touching me?” 

“I don’t know. Either God wants you and me to touch more, or it has something to do with us being soul mates?” 

Dean weighed that up and relaxed some. “You think God wants us to touch more, huh?” 

_I wouldn’t mind it._ Dean groaned and then said, “I miss . . . the way things were before . . . everything was so much easier.” 

_I know. We never even got to have mind-blowing make up sex._

Dean looked like he was shocked by that and quickly said, “We didn’t?” 

_”The fact that you don’t know that is so sad.”_

“See, that’s what I’m talking about. That was months ago. It’s just been one thing after another without us being able to catch a break.” 

_What kinds of dirty things do you think about me?_

Dean laughed. “What?” 

“When you were having your out of body experience, you were worried I was going to start listening in on your thoughts the way you can me. You didn’t want me to hear all the dirty things you think in a day. I told you that you already tell me, and you said those were the clean dirty things. You meant the filthy dirty things.” He laughed again and asked what else he’d said. “You patted me on the head, like I was a dog, and I could feel it. It made you wonder what other things you could make me feel.” 

He glanced at me and said, “You know you and me never really talked about that.” 

“We talked about how bad the Impala was then too, and you said I gave you a reason to fight harder to stick around, because you couldn’t leave her like that, and you couldn’t leave me the way I was.” 

He licked his bottom lip in thought and then said, “What do you mean I couldn’t leave you that way? What way were you?” 

_”I wasn’t any way.”_

“What do you mean you were draining?!” 

_He caught that, did he?_ “You’re getting really good at this mind reading thing.” That’d been way at the back of my mind for a split second right after he’d asked me the question.

Me not answering annoyed him enough to actually pull the car over. “Stop stalling . . . and stop blocking me. What’d you mean?” 

Looking down, I sighed and then said, “You asked me why I looked that way every time you’re dying. I didn’t know what you meant. You said that I looked drained and like I was pale and had bags under my eyes, and when you had me look in a mirror I thought I looked fine. I believed you. I just didn’t see it, so we thought maybe . . . “ 

He used what I was thinking to finish my sentence. “If I go, you go, and if you go, I go? What about when you were dying? What’d I look like to you?” 

_Honestly, I don’t know. I was pretty out of it._

I jumped a little when he unexpectedly shouted with concern, “Why didn’t you say anything about it until now?” 

“I forgot . . . A lot has happened since then. I know I should’ve told you if –“ 

Dean moved a little closer and said, “I don’t care what it means for me. You should’ve told me –“ 

“About what it means for me? Why? I’m good with my side of things.” 

He held his breath for a few seconds before he looked down and said, “The things that are after you –“ 

“The angels.” 

Looking back up at me, he asked, “How’d you know?” 

_”I wouldn’t if it weren’t for pizzas from Heaven.”_

His shoulders dropped a little. “If there is a God, there must be angels?” 

“Yeah, and the thought of them being real doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy.” 

He looked down again and shook his head. “Guess I’ll have to be more careful.” 

“If you do that, you’ll get us both killed. Just do things the way you always do, and we’ll be all right.” 

Dean flicked a glance in my direction before he asked, “Do you think this is why my Dad brought you with us . . . Once we met, that was it . . . even if we’re apart?” 

“I don’t know if it’s just a meeting thing, but I think once we committed –

“Like with our 50/50 deal?”

“Maybe.”

Dean sat back and said, “There are so many things he should’ve told me. Starting with this psychic thing . . . I think the demon wants to create an army out of them. I can’t believe they’re all bad. I mean they can’t be, right?” 

“Nah, I mean what about Lenore? She’s a vampire, and she isn’t bad.” 

Dean started the car and smiled while he thought about it. “Yeah, and she had that other one with her too, which is good, because if there can only be one good one out of these psychic kids, I want it to be Sam, but I think I’m pulling for Andy too . . . Hey, why do you think nothing happened to you when Andy was trying to tell us what to do earlier? Is it a blocking demons from knowing what you’re thinking thing, or a God thing?” 

“It could be either one, and I wouldn’t know.” We were quiet for a couple of minutes, and I said, “You know the next time you freeze, we’ll know who the person or thing is that’s doing this. That could be a good thing.” Dean didn’t look, so sure. Maybe he was right. Maybe God just liked messing with us. 

The rest of the case was a breeze after that. Having Andy help us with the investigation made it a lot easier. It turns out he had an evil twin. I thought that was pretty funny for some reason. 

When it came time to confront the evil twin on the bridge outside of town, I stayed with Dean far enough away that we wouldn’t be noticed. Dean was okay right up until he wasn’t and froze again, so I took the sniper rifle and well, I’m the one that took the shot. Did I feel bad about it? Not really. 

Weber had killed at least two people that we knew about, and he’d done it in a pretty horrific way, especially with his birth Mom. He was going to kill Andy’s girlfriend, and maybe Dean if that’s why Dean froze the way he did. He was too far-gone and there’s no way a jury would convict him. One, there was no physical evidence to tie him to the deaths, just like there hadn’t been with Max, and two, he could tell the cops to let him go, and they would. Plus, I didn’t feel bad about it, because Andy hadn’t had to kill him, and it’d looked like he was planning to do that when he picked up Sam’s gun. Now, Sam knew they weren’t all a lost cause, or I hoped he saw it that way. 

“Hey, uh, you think Sam knows which one of us took the shot?” 

I glanced at Dean on our way down from the perch. “Not yet, why?” 

Dean stopped us and said, “I don’t think he should. Now he knows at least one of us is willing to take them out, and he thinks he’s one of them. Either he’s going to nag that person to be the one to take him out if he goes dark side, or the demon will get in his head somehow and know for sure which one of us did it. It makes that person more of a threat to whatever the demon is planning, because until now, we haven’t killed any humans.” 

I shook my head. “That guy was an evolution in human biology. Just because he didn’t know about it until a year ago, doesn’t make him any less of a monster than the ones we kill.” 

Dean’s jaw clenched a little. “You know you just described, Sam, right?” 

“Yeah, and you can get all politically correct about it or you can listen to what I’m saying . . . That’s why I said what I said about Lenore earlier. She used to be a human until she was turned into a vamp, but it doesn’t mean she was bad. Look at Andy and his evil twin. They were twins, raised apart, and they both had the exact same power. Andy would never think of doing what his brother did. He’s like the Professor X to his brother’s Shadow King. Well, I think his brother was stronger, but you get what I mean.” 

Dean looked in Sam’s direction and said, “Which one do you think Sam is?” 

I looked at Sam too and answered, “Honestly? Jean Grey.” Dean could’ve been a smart ass about me saying Sam was a female character, but instead, he nodded reluctantly before hanging his head. He got my point. Jean Grey was a good guy, but her alter ego, the Dark Phoenix, wasn’t. 

“Denying that Sam’s got these powers and that he’s got some serious decisions to make isn’t going to make either thing go away . . . If you want my advice, you need to tell Sam to stop following up on these visions, because that is playing into what the demon wants. On the Max case, Sam thought he could save Max, but he thought he was the only one that could do it. He’s starting to think he can’t save them, so now he thinks he’s the only one that can or should be able to put them down. Look at the way he approached this case . . . How was he with Andy until he saw that Andy was innocent? Where were we during the final showdown? Way up on the hill as far away from them as possible. The last thing you want is for him to think these powers are a good thing. Masking them in good intentions, so he can meet more people out there with these powers and either convince them to stay good or kill them is exactly the kind of thing a demon would do if he wanted someone who was good, like Sam, to fall into his trap.” 

Dean didn’t say or do what I thought he would. He pulled me in for a hug and said, “You’re right . . . about not following up on his visions. When we were in Salvation, Dad said that it was good that we shouldn’t put so much faith in these visions. We have to find a way to keep him from chasing them down . . . not sure how, but we’ll come up with something.” 

I could’ve come up with some things right then and there, but I was perfectly happy where I was and felt like reveling in that for as long as it lasted. I liked getting hugs from him even though I’d never say that. 

“You know I still know what you’re thinking, right?” 

I mumbled, “Don’t tell anyone,” and he laughed. We’d be all right, and we’d be able to help Sam as long as we stuck together.


	40. Training Day

“I don’t understand. How is their Dad being on a hunt with Jo’s Dad when Jo’s Dad died, their fault?” Paige asked Beth, not all that quietly. Dean didn’t really know, but he knew it didn’t feel great to think that his Dad messing up had gotten Jo’s Dad killed. He hadn’t thought his Dad ever screwed up. 

Beth looked kind of annoyed before she quickly unleashed what she really thought. “Because he’s not here to take her anger out on, so they’re the next best thing . . . and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but this place thrives on drama . . . fabricated or not. Hopefully, we don’t have to come back for a while.” Then Beth gave the Roadhouse one last annoyed look and walked to the Impala with Sam close on her heels. 

That last case had sucked . . . well, the H. H. Holmes part was kinda cool, but being on a hunt with Jo was annoying. She kept her composure in the end, but if she’d listened, she wouldn’t have been taken in the first place . . . Yeah, Beth did her own thing all the time, but she could back it up. Even when she was first starting out, she could back it up. 

Dean felt a little bad for Paige. She’d been researching the case with them until Jo showed up uninvited. Sure, it was Jo’s hunt to start with and they took it, but that didn’t mean that Paige should’ve been sidelined the way she was. They kept her with them this time, so she didn’t have to stay in a motel on their own the way she’d had to do the last couple of hunts, but because she had blonde hair the way the victims did, they’d kept a closer eye on her, and then Jo got taken, drama insued, and Paige was forgotten about. 

Paige had been more qualified to be there than Jo, because she’d been on a few cases now, maybe not the actual hunts, but she’d been helping with investigations. She’d kept her cool on everything she’d done so far, and they hadn’t run into any problems with her the way they had on this hunt with Jo. Maybe it was time to teach Paige how to take care of herself . . . Beth said that knowledge was power all on it’s own, so Paige learning lore was the most important thing she could do. It’s the argument she used every time Paige going on a hunt was brought up, and Sam always agreed with Beth, but there was only so far that would get Paige.

The next morning, Dean flipped on the lights in Paige’s room and kicked her bed to wake her up. She shot up off the pillow and looked around. “Is it here?” 

Paige wanted her own space, and blah, blah, blah . . . Well, if she wanted her own room, she needed to be even more vigilant than they were. “I shouldn’t have been able to break in here without you knowing. Get dressed. You’re gonna train with me and Beth today.” 

Paige looked at the clock. “Train? At 5 o’clock in the morning?” 

Turning to head for the door, Dean said, “Be dressed and outside in 10, or I’m sending Beth in, and she’ll start jumping on your bed.” Beth didn’t know Paige was going to train with them today, but it was a good threat. Beth had woken Paige up that way a few times when they were getting ready to head to the next town. Paige never seemed to appreciate it all that much.

Paige was outside in almost exactly 10 minutes. In fact, she and Beth came out of their rooms at the same time. Beth glanced at Paige in confusion and then at Dean for an explanation. She’d been running every morning and going for target practice, but he hadn’t trained with her, since the car accident. “Uh, you do your jogging thing with her, and I’m gonna go . . . do something else. You can leave your weapons bag. I’ll bring it.” 

Dean grinned at the look on both their faces before he turned and headed for his car. So far, so good. Beth couldn’t argue with that. There wasn’t any reason why Paige couldn’t run with her, because it was just running. 

He knew where Beth was heading, because she told him last night, so he went to get himself some coffee, drove the 3 miles it took to get there, set a few things up and waited. It took about twice as long as Beth would’ve normally taken to run something like that, but then Paige wasn’t in shape, and she definitely wasn’t used to early morning anythings. In fact, it looked like she was struggling to stand after she stopped at the finish line, so Dean kept her from sitting on the ground by herding her into the field. “Are you trying to kill me? You could’ve been nice about it and drove me to a field to put me out of my misery . . . didn’t have to make me run there first.” 

Dean laughed and readjusted his weapons bag over his shoulder before he looked at Beth when she asked him what the plan was. She wasn’t putting as big of a fight up about it as he’d thought she would. Usually, she stepped in every time she though Paige was taking another step closer to becoming a hunter. Maybe she thought Paige should learn how to defend herself too, or maybe she . . . Oh, she didn’t want to undermine him in front of Paige, but she wasn’t all that happy about where this was going. He liked this soul mate thing more and more . . . no guessing required.

“Uh, well, 50 push ups, and then we’ll try her out on shooting those bottles I put up along the fence back there.” 

Paige glared at him and snarked, “What are you going to do?” 

Dean grinned and dropped to do 50. When he was done, he jumped back up and said, “I can already do all this stuff . . . Beth likes running to clear her head in the morning. I don’t.” 

Beth got down to do the push ups and helped Paige out as something of a motivational trainer when she was done. It seemed to work, because Paige did all 50 even if she was slow about them. They weren’t the only ones she’d be doing, but at least she got that many done. 

Dean looked towards the bottles along the fence and said, “I’ll show you what to do, and then I’ll tell you what to do, and then you do it . . . Every bottle you miss is another –“ He heard Beth think, _’10. She’ll get frustrated and give up if it’s more than that,’_ so, he said, “10 push ups.” 

Paige gave him an unsure look. “What is it if you miss?” 

“Oh, I don’t miss, but if I did . . . probably 1000. The better you are, the more it is.” 

Paige smirked and said, “Why not make it 5000 or a million then?” 

“Could . . . wouldn’t matter, because I’m not gonna miss.” 

After that he handed her the TAURUS he’d given to her back at that cabin in Nebraska. It was hers now even though she kept trying to give it back to him. He liked that gun a lot, but he’d rather she have something to protect herself with than have it back when he had more. She took it, and said it was just for practice, and Dean rolled his eyes. “Have you seen how many guns I have?” She looked back towards the Impala and nodded, so Dean said, “Keep it. I have more, and you don’t.”

“Okay, but I’m going to pay you back as soon as I can access my bank accounts.”

“I don’t want –“

“I’ll keep the knife you gave me, but I want to pay you back for this.”

Dean laughed. “Well, if you’re trying to pay me back for the most expensive one, the knife was 3x what that gun cost.” 

Paige slumped and shook her head before she said, “I’ll figure something out . . . What if I use this until I get my own?”

Yeah, that was okay with him, so he agreed, and ignored Beth sighing beside him, while he pulled out his Colt 1911. He showed Paige step-by-step what to do, then pulled the trigger, and hit his target. Now it was her turn. He coached her through what she had to do; made sure she was lined up; and then had her take the shot. She hit it, and that’s exactly what she’d needed to have happen, because it let her know two things. One, that she could do it, and two, that if she listened to him, he wouldn’t steer her wrong. It also kept her from being too upset when she missed the next 8 shots. She hit the last one on her own, and that made her really happy. 

He and Beth took turns shooting the bottles she’d missed, and cleared them all, so now it was time to try her out with a pistol crossbow, like the one Beth used. Beth talked her through that while Dean went to put up a couple of targets for her against some trees. Paige liked the crossbow better than the gun. She laughed every time she shot it even if it didn’t go anywhere near the target. Then was his and Beth’s turn again. Paige watched what they both did a little closer, and after they were done, she wanted to try again. She missed the next couple, but she hit one after that. 

Dean showed Paige how to load a shotgun and explained how to use it and what to expect. He’d already told her all of that when he gave her this one in Nebraska, but she really seemed to be paying attention now. He wanted her to get an idea of what the kick was like, so he let her shoot it a few times without really having her aim at anything. Yeah, she didn’t really like that one, but it didn’t matter. At least she knew how to use it now. He almost thought about skipping over knives, but Beth gave him a look, that said they might as well let Paige see that they weren’t perfect, so he did, and Beth did the push ups right along with Paige every time she missed. 

“Thought you said it was supposed to be 1000 for you guys?” Paige said teasingly after her last round of pushups. 

“I said if we’re good at something. Beth sucks at throwing.” 

One of Beth’s eyebrows arched, as she said, “I suck at throwing knives, but watch this,” and then she dug through his weapons bag, found a ceremonial axe, stood up, and threw it at the target . . . wasn’t a bullseye, but it hit the target somewhere near the middle and stuck.” 

Dean looked from the target to Beth. “Why the hell don’t you do that with knives, or forget knives, and just use those?” 

She shrugged and said, “I don’t like axes. They creep me out.” 

Dean looked at the target again. “How long have you known you can do that?” 

Smirking, Beth said, “Years . . . Your Dad switched me to these when it became obvious I was a lost cause with knives.” Dean gave her a look that said they were going to talk about this later, because he should know every last thing about what she could and couldn’t do when it came to hunting. They were partners. Beth could tell he wasn’t happy and tried to smooth it over. “It’s not a big deal. I’ll never use them. I don’t like them.” You could never say never with this job. He bet his Dad told her the same thing. It’s probably why his Dad had her train with them even if she didn’t want to do it. 

That’s all they were going to do as far as target practice went today, so to wrap things up, they tried sparring. Beth focused on showing Paige one move. It was how to break somebody’s hold on her wrist if they grabbed her. It’d take forever if they were just going to show her one move a day, but then maybe that was Beth’s way of making sure Paige stayed away from hunting a little longer. 

When they were done with that, Dean thought they should probably get back. Sam would be getting up soon, and they needed food and showers before they hit the road. “I want to see what you two can do . . . when you’re fighting.” 

There wasn’t really time for it, but Beth left the door open on it by saying, “Sparring, not fighting. There’s a difference.” 

“What’s the difference?” 

Beth beat him to the answer. “We don’t try to kill each other.” 

Paige laughed until she saw Beth was being serious. “So, you guys know like the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique?” Beth and Dean both laughed. Not quite. Dean glanced at Beth to see if she was up for it, and she was, so they showed her what they meant. 

Beth was on fire today. He liked it when she was a little rougher with him. When he finally got her pinned, she tried to catch her breath and muttered, “I’ll win tomorrow.” 

She’d been really good today, so he said, “You could’ve won today.” 

He never really let himself think about it much, because it was something that was just a part of him that he didn’t have to think about, but he loved her . . . everything about her, the good and the bad . . . how smart she was and her smile . . . how she could make his heart race with a look . . . that little temper she had and the way she was a little too honest when she gave her opinion on something he didn’t want to hear, and how she swore more than him, and how she loved playing board games and cheated, and when she read books and got excited when she was telling him what they were about, and how she always offered to let him read them before she did that, because she knew he didn’t mind reading when most people thought he was too dumb to read, and how excited she got about food, and the way she liked cemeteries, and her Wednesday Addams sense of humor, and how excited she got in the morgue, and the way she hid things like a ninja, and how excited she got over small things, and they were usually pretty nerdy things, like comic books and movies, and how she how she was clumsy, and still almost just kicked his ass . . . all of it. He didn’t want to take her for granted, and he felt like he had been. He’d make it up to her. He wasn’t sure how, but he would. 

She gave him that genuinely happy, relaxed smile that was probably his favorite one. “The only times I win are when you do something to mess up . . . When you’re on top form, I don’t have a chance, or at least I don’t without hurting you, and I’d never do that.” 

He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and remembered Paige was there, so he got up and helped Beth to her feet while he said, “What if I was possessed? You’d have to –“ 

“Not even then . . . I’d find another way, and you and Sam need to get tattoos the way Paige and I did, so that doesn’t happen, or at least so it’s a lot harder for it to happen.” 

He’d been meaning to do that, so while he picked up his weapons bag, he said, “Yeah, all right . . . We’ll do it tonight. I’ll get him good and drunk and take him.” 

Paige started walking with them back towards the car and said, “I think I should supervise that . . . Make sure he doesn’t end up with something, like a clown, instead.” 

_Oh, she really shouldn’t have said that. Now that’s all I want to do._

“How can you two do that and walk away friends?” Dean looked down at Paige, so she explained. “She knocked the wind out of you a couple of times, and she didn’t back off, so you had to shake it off really fast, or you would’ve taken some pretty hard hits, and you didn’t go easy on her either . . . How can you keep it at that level, and not get mad and take it too far or get pissed off after it’s over?” 

He let Beth take that one. In truth, his Dad had them sparring together early on, and he wouldn’t let Dean go easy on her. If he’d held back, his Dad would’ve taken over, so he’d made sure he did anything he had to do to keep that from happening . . . even giving her the occasional black eye that he’d felt really bad about. She always told him that if she hadn’t messed up, it wouldn’t have happened, and it was better that she learn that from him than a monster . . . maybe. That’s what his Dad had said about it. But it didn’t change that what she’d said a couple of minutes ago was right. She would never really hurt him, and maybe bruises or black eyes or whatever weren’t as bad as what monsters could do, but he’d still hurt her, and he didn’t like that he had anymore now than he had back then. 

Luckily, she’d caught up fairly fast, and it hadn’t been a problem after the first few months. Now they went all out, because it made both of them better. There were still times when one of them would throw in a new unexpected move, and those times were just awesome, because after years of doing this, something new was always good . . . Kinda like this tattoo he was looking forward to getting. It was weird, but after he and Sam got them, Dean thought maybe it’d make him feel a little more relaxed, the way he had after Beth got hers. It was just one less thing they had to worry about going wrong.


	41. Loophole

My Dad pulled up in a car across the street from where I was waiting. I was expecting him to be at least a few hours, not 5 minutes. “Wow, that was pretty fast. When you said you were in the neighborhood, you really meant it, huh?” 

He laughed awkwardly. “Uh, yeah . . . You’re always traveling, so I thought I’d come see the great sights that Baltimore has to offer.” 

I smiled and retorted, “I know. The call girls here are better than other parts of the country, aren’t they?” 

He made a squicked-out face and said, “Don’t ever say that to me again. It’s only funny when I say stuff like that,” before he looked towards the police station. “What are we looking at here?” 

_Our worst disaster with the authorities to date?_ “Well, I was with Sam and Dean at a crime scene . . . It was the first victim’s office, and Dean was bored, so he went to go check on the wife of the dead guy to see if she knew a Dana Schulps. The wife died not long before he got there. From what I heard, I’m assuming that he was checking her for signs of life when the cops arrived.” 

“So, they caught him red handed.” 

I smiled at his joke. “Yeah. He was gone for a while, so Sam sent me to find out why and went back to the motel room. I saw all of the detectives . . . blended in with a few to find out what was happening, and by the time I called Sam to let him know –“ 

My Dad shook his head. “You didn’t get an answer, so you went there, and the police already had him . . . along with your friend Paige, and you called me when you got here?” 

“Yeah, pretty much.” 

He dragged his attention away from the police station to look down at me and said, “You wanna tell me why you went to get the car before you called me?” 

My shoulders dropped a little. “She doesn’t belong in an impound lot. She should be free. I couldn’t leave her there.” 

Giving me a dry look, Dad said, “And now the real reason.” 

“I took care of the security tapes in the motel while the cops were hauling Sam out of there, and I took care of the ones across the street. I blended in as a detective again and had a look for our weapons bags in the room while they were going over it. I didn’t see them, but I emerced myself in the investigation and grabbed any evidence I could get my hands on while I was there, like our clothes, toothbrushes, hairbrushes, basically anything that would have our DNA, and I wiped down anything that might’ve had my fingerprints on it that wasn’t a part of the room, like our shampoo bottles and things like that. The pizza box, I put in an evidence bag and got rid of as soon as I could. I was hoping that Sam figured out what was going on fast enough that he put the weapons bags in the car, so I went to the impound lot to check. They were under the false bottom in the trunk . . . kind of dumped out all over the place, so they’d fit, and since I was there, and since my fingerprints are all over the weapons and the car, and since the last thing they need is for anyone to search the car, I took it . . . I was covering my tracks the way you taught me.” 

He withheld being proud until after he asked if I remembered the cameras at the impound lot, and I gave him a look that said, ‘Do I look like I’m new at this?’ and then he was proud, so I said, “Let’s see what you’ve got, Dad. If you can pull this off . . . I’ll take a week off after the first snowfall, and you and I can go on vacation . . . We’ll go ice skating and skiing, and have hot chocolate and –“ 

Looking at me expectantly, he said, “Make snowmen?” I smiled and then gave him a nod. “All right. They’ll all still have a clean record when I’m done. I’ll have them out in 10 . . . better make it 15 . . . Stay here. I don’t want you involved in this at all.” 

I always wondered how he did stuff like this. I kind of liked that I didn’t know for sure. I wonder if Dean would get a glimpse of it this time. Sam and I never ever got caught. Well, Sam hadn’t until now, but Dean did a few times, and his Dad had a few times. Never allowing myself to be caught was my Dad’s condition for letting me go with them when I was a kid. He’d made it clear to John it wasn’t negotiable, and John had enforced it. Besides, it helped them more if I wasn’t caught, because it meant I could get them out of trouble, and if I couldn’t, I could always call my Dad. 

Exactly 15 minutes later, they came bounding down the front steps. Dean looked like he was on a mission. Sam looked freaked out, and Paige . . . if anything she seemed to be having the time of her life. My Dad was fine, but he was keeping an eye on a woman that was with them. She’d seen me twice tonight, but I didn’t know if she’d recognize me. I didn’t have time to run to the car and change, so I hid behind a tree, took my hair down, unbuttoned my dress shirt a couple of buttons to look more casual, rolled up the sleeves and slung my jacket over my shoulder before they got there. 

When I stepped out from behind the tree, Dean stopped and smiled before he looked past me at the Impala, and I thought he was going to run to her, because he looked really happy to see her. Wasn’t exactly expecting him to go the 10 feet or so he needed to get to me and pick me up in a big hug. When he put me down, the woman they were with had seen the Impala too and said, “How’d you get that car?” 

I opened my mouth to say something, and glanced at my Dad, who shook his head, before I ignored her question and asked Sam why he looked freaked out. “Caught him trying to go out the back. He was a little surprised to see me, especially when I told him he could walk out the front door, right Sam?” 

My Dad waited for Sam to nod, which Sam did reluctantly, and then Paige gave me a hug. “You’re Dad is amazing.” _Yeah, I know._

Dean looked down at me and said, “So, Dana Schulps . . . we think it’s an anagram. There’s an Ashland street not far from there. We need to set up somewhere else, so we can look into it.” 

Okay, I had our laptops and stuff in the car. “Come on, Dad. You can help us out with the rest of the case. I know you were here to see the sights in Baltimore, but I’m not just going to use you and tell you to fuck off.” 

I turned towards the Impala and Sam muttered, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

When I turned to look back at him, because I didn’t like his tone, my Dad said, “I’ll follow you. Sam can stay with me and keep me company on the way there.” 

Dean grinned and said, “All right. Sounds like a plan.” As we walked towards the Impala, I asked Dean if he had any idea what we were looking for here. He looked back at the detective and said, “Uh, well, she saw it, so she’s staying with us, since everyone that’s seen it has ended up dead, and maybe if we can narrow down missing persons, she can ID our spirit.” Live witnesses were always helpful.

“My Dad really sorted it?” I whispered. 

“Yeah, he did. He worked his lawyer magic, so they had to let us go. My confession tape got erased. All the evidence they had disappeared, and for some reason there was a computer failure, so everything in their system got fried . . . even the back up. Think they said something about the server too . . . no record we were ever here.” 

I exhaled a relieved breath and said, “I wish I was that good.” 

Dean gave me a little look and jested, “I don’t know. You’re our ghost . . . haven’t been caught yet. I’d say you’re not too bad.” I liked that he called me that. 

The rest of the case didn’t seem that hard except that Claire Becker scared the hell out of Detective Ballard when we were looking around a building on Ashland Street. That’s what helped us find her body, and Sam figured out that she was a death omen. Those were extremely rare. We’d never come across one, or I hadn’t. I quite liked them. They were usually helpful and all about justice instead of revenge. 

While we were taking a look at the body, Detective Ballard noticed Claire’s necklace. It was the same as hers, and hers was a custom made necklace that her partner gave her. She put two and two together after that. Her partner was tied to Claire’s death through the necklace, and the only ones who knew about the necklace were Diana and the guy who made it. Snuff those two people out, and her partner would be home free. While she phoned the body in, I looked at the others and whispered, “I don’t think we should leave her until she can arrest him. Claire went to her for a reason. Maybe it was to make her want to listen to you two, so she could find Claire’s body, or maybe it means Detective Ballard might be in trouble. If her partner thinks she’s onto him, he’ll kill her before she can finish the investigation.” 

Sam looked at the Detective over his shoulder and said, “I don’t know. Being body guards is kind of outside our jurisdiction.” 

I knew that, but it still didn’t feel right. I felt like arguing my case a little more. “It doesn’t feel like it’s case closed though. I don’t think Claire is going to be at rest until he’s arrested.” 

Paige joined in and said, “Did you see what he did to the guy that was supposed to be his friend? They showed me the crime scene photos. He almost cut Tony’s head off . . . I agree. I don’t think it feels right leaving her until we know he’s going to be behind bars.” 

We all looked to Dean to see what he had to say, but he didn’t get a chance to respond before Detective Ballard came up behind us. “I can take it from here. You have your job, and I have mine, right?” She shared a look with Sam, because he’d said that to her earlier, and Dean finally said what he was thinking. 

“How about this . . . we’ll stay hidden, but we’ll stay with you until the coroner comes for the body. After the call you just made, your partner will know why you’re here. He’ll want to be on the scene before anyone else, so he can either get you to agree to get rid of the necklace before it goes into evidence or kill you . . . Works out better for him if you’re dead. He’ll probably say something like you drew on him first. You’re the perfect patsy. You’re a cop, so you could’ve gotten that heroin. How else would you have been able to find that body in a wall if you didn’t put it there? You have the same necklace. If I’m not mistaken, you and your partner don’t want anyone to know you’re an item, so nobody at the station will know he gave it to you. If he kills the guy that made it and makes it look like an accident this time, he’s in the clear.” 

Detective Ballard started to deny it, and Dean added, “Look, I know you don’t wanna think he’d do something like that to you, but Paige was right. You saw what he did to his friend. I don’t know how good of friends they were, but they were close enough that the guy probably knew what Pete did here. I’d say that’s a good friend. He killed Karen tonight, probably for no other reason than her husband might have said something to her about this. If you include Claire, that’s 3 people he’s murdered to keep it quiet. You’ll be the answer he’s been looking for if he gets here, and you’re alone. Expect him to come in with his weapon drawn, and expect him to try and put you down when you least expect it, like when he’s in the middle of saying something. We’ll make sure he doesn’t get to take his shot, but don’t take your weapon or eyes off him for a second.” 

Looking rather dubious, the Detective said, “I won’t let you murder him. That’s what you’re talking about, right?” 

I had a way to put her mind at ease a little . . . maybe. I hoped. “No, he didn’t say that . . . Your partner isn’t going to shoot you if he gets distracted by say a homeless girl, who wanders into the situation . . . He might even try to convince you to go along with pinning it on her, and you’ll get your confession.” 

I glanced at Dean to get the go ahead for me being the homeless girl. I was the only one of us that Pete hadn’t seen in the station tonight, so he wouldn’t know it was a set up the way he would if he saw Sam, Dean, my Dad, or Paige. Dean rolled his eyes, but then nodded that I could give it a try. It was a good thing I’d already changed out of my detective costume on the way here. According to Cheryl, I could pull off homeless better in what I was wearing now . . . not that I thought I looked homeless. I may not have a lot of clothes, but the stuff I had looked normal, and I was clean, because I had access to showers all the time and washed my clothes on a fairly regular basis. In fact, I was too clean. I got to work making myself look dirtier, and Detective Ballard asked, “Is she serious?” as she watched me roll around on the dirty floor. 

Dean looked down at me and laughed. “Looks like it. I think she needs to scrub off having to wear a suit all night.” 

_Nah, that’d been all right. It was pretty fun blending in with the detectives while I got rid of everything that could be connected to us in our motel room . . . better than when I was finding out what happened at Karen’s house._

Dean stopped me from doing another roll with his foot and said, “You were at both places?” 

I looked up at him and nodded. “Yep. I know he was too, but so was she, and she didn’t even recognize me when I was still wearing the same suit.” 

Dean helped me up and glanced at Detective Ballard. “You didn’t, right?” 

She looked confused. “Didn’t what? Recognize her? Was she at the station?” 

Dean smiled and looked down at me before he said, “Not bad,” and then messed up my hair. 

After that, we all got into our positions. Pete came in with his gun drawn the way Dean had said he would, but Diana’s gun was already aimed at him before his foot had even hit the bottom step. They started talking, and it was obvious that she knew what he’d done. At first he was going to deny it, but then he decided to just go ahead and tell her. That was bad. He’d just kill her in the middle of her listening to his confession, so that was my cue. 

I stumbled into the room from another room holding an empty beer can I’d found, and it did distract him, but that’s not what got him shot. What got him shot was Claire showing up not too far from me, him aiming his gun at her . . . and taking a shot at her, not me. That’s when Diana shot him, because it looked like he was shooting at me. He didn’t die, but he went down, and she quickly kicked his gun away from his hand before rolling him over to cuff him. 

I didn’t really see what was happening with them after that. I was too busy watching Claire, because she did something weird. She should’ve just fucked off and been at peace or whatever now that her killer had been caught, but she decided to stick around a little longer, so she could come up to me and point to my chest. Then she pointed at hers, like we were the same, smiled, and then disappeared. 

“What the hell was that?” I asked, not Dean when he came up behind me, but my Dad who was behind him. I figured he’d be able to answer that better. 

“Uh, maybe she recognized a kindred spirit.” 

“I’m not a heroin dealer.” 

He started talking to himself, while he worked it out. “No, but you’re all about delivering justice . . . It was always strong, but you rebuilt it stronger . . . because of the life you lived . . . Can’t believe I didn’t think of it until now. Could be a loophole or not . . . might make things worse.“ Looking at me, he said, “Not sure. Think I’ve got some things to figure out . . . You’ll be all right if I hit the road?” I nodded, and he looked at Dean. “Expect a vacation in the next month or two whether you want one or not.” Heading up the stairs, he shouted, “And don’t forget what we talked about, Sam,” before he was gone.


	42. Dark Awakening

Dean didn’t like this case. In fact, he couldn’t think of a case they’d ever done that he’d hated as much as this one. The second his brother said, ‘Black Dog,’ Dean started getting a bad feeling about it, and it’d only gotten worse. Currently, he was leaning up against a wall with his hands on his knees trying to keep himself from having a full-blown panic attack. He felt like he’d royally fucked something up . . . massively in a way he couldn’t fix. 

He was startled when Sam and Beth came around the side of Lloyd’s bar. Both of them stopped short at the sight of him, so he played it off like he’d had a bad burger. Sam seemed to buy it and said something about the crap he ate, but Beth new it was more than that. She could feel what Dean was feeling. 

It was the crossroads that had set this off . . . the tin box they’d found. He couldn’t . . . He didn’t think he could do this case. It was bringing up all kinds of other crap that he didn’t want to feel . . . things he couldn’t explain, like pain and terror and guilt and rage. Sure he’d felt those things in his life, but never as strong or as intense as he felt them right now, and not all at once . . . he didn’t know why this was happening or how to make it stop. It was getting worse again. He just wished Sam and Beth would go away.

Beth glanced at Sam and said, “Sam, go wait in the car with Paige. I’ll make sure he gets there okay.” 

She waited for Sam to go back around the corner of the bar before she came up to Dean, but he didn’t want her there either, so when she put her hand on his back, he shrugged it off and abruptly told her to leave him alone. She hesitated before pulling her hand away, and now he felt like a dick, but Beth didn’t give up. She moved around, crouched down in front of him, and said, “Now you know.” 

That’s not what he’d expected her to say. When he looked at her, she explained. “I don’t know why you’re feeling like that, but the way you’re feeling right now is pretty close to the reason I have to stay on the move all the time. That’s the only way I can keep it from getting worse and taking over everything else. Well, that and being with you.” 

He took a couple of breaths and tried to calm down. “You didn’t say anything about this . . . rage . . . this hate, I’m feeling.” 

Beth shook her head. “No, I don’t feel that. I feel panic, and like I need to find a way out . . . like I’ll lose myself if I don’t, but the sorrow and humiliation; the weakness and fear . . . I feel that. Those are the bedrock of what you’re feeling, and the guilt and anger grew out of whatever made you feel the other things.” 

He didn’t think he’d ever been so glad that her soul mate thing worked the way it did. He couldn’t have explained what he was feeling better than that. Dropping to his knees, Dean pulled her to him and buried his head in her shoulder. His vision got blurry. “I think I lost myself . . . think that’s why I feel it.” 

Beth put her arms around him in a comforting hold and said, “But whatever happened to you . . . whatever you did that’s making you feel guilty. You found your way back. That’s why so much of the hate is directed at you . . . in fact almost all of it is. If you had you in front of you right now, you’d tear yourself to shreds.” 

Dean stopped breathing for a few seconds. It felt like a moment of clarity for something he had no memory of at all. He didn’t feel like saying that or anything else. He just wanted to let her hold him a little bit longer. He didn’t know how long they stayed like that. It must’ve been a while. He lost the feeling in his lower legs . . . might’ve started to drift off some, because she made him feel more relaxed. 

It was a real thing he’d been feeling. He wasn’t going crazy. He’d been feeling it for a reason. He must’ve been one of the other two that had one of these past lives her Dad talked about. He wondered if he’d lived it with her if this is what she felt all the time. It felt like a dark awakening. He didn’t think he’d ever be the same again. 

They heard the car door slam. Sam must be getting tired of waiting. Beth sat back on her heels and put her hands on his shoulders to look at him. “You can sit this one out if you want. I’ll take care of it.” He took a deep breath and swallowed before he shook his head. He needed to see this one through. He couldn’t start bailing on cases just because he felt like this, and he needed to figure out whatever it was about this case that’d gotten to him. She smiled, like she was glad that he wasn’t going to give up, before she helped him get to his feet. He felt a lot older than he did before they started this case . . . that and it didn’t help that he couldn’t feel his damn feet.

Beth had been quiet the entire time they’d been in George Darrow’s apartment . . . right up until she wasn’t. “I’d like a painting.” She started flipping through the man’s paintings stacked up against the wall and added, “I like this one, and this one . . . ” None of them really knew what to do with that. The guy had already yelled for them to get out and had started painting the one he wanted to finish. That was their cue to go, and it was like it went right over her head. 

Beth paused and looked at them when she noticed they were watching her. “What? He said he’s broke, lonely, and nobody wants his paintings. I can’t exactly become his friend in 5 minutes, and I’m not giving him money if he doesn’t want to be saved, because what’s the point, but I do want a painting. If he doesn’t want to give me one, I’ll just come back and steal one after he’s gone.” 

George put his paintbrushes down and turned to look at her. “You think that’s funny?” 

She watched him and answered, “No, I think it’s the truth. You’re willing to punish yourself by dying and going to Hell because of the guilt you feel over the other 3 people who made deals. If that’s what you’ve really decided to do, I’ll get a painting either way.” She paused . . . She was setting it up for something else, waiting for her moment. George looked past her at the paintings and nodded towards them. The second he opened his mouth to say she could have one, she continued, “I think that personal responsibility is seriously lacking in our society. I think that Sean, Dr. Pearlman, and Evan all knew what they were giving up at the end of 10 years and agreed to it anyway. You have to know that the fame the doctor and architect achieved means nothing to them now that they’re in Hell. Their deals were just as wasteful as yours. The difference between them and you is that you’re not dead yet, so you can turn it around and be better . . . I know that you never planned on hurting anyone, except yourself, and I know without a doubt that you’re a good man. I will not let demons steal more good from the world . . . punishing yourself by living a solitary existence and not profiting from your talent is punishment enough . . . Either let me stay here while they go see this Evan guy and figure out how to get you both out of the deal, or I’m taking a painting now and will burn the rest after you’re gone.” 

_I can’t believe she just said that._ Dean quickly looked at Sam, and Sam was watching the old man. George slumped a little and asked her pitifully, “Now why would you go and –“ 

Beth cut him off by pulling out her handgun and saying, “You’re not ambidextrous are you? I could shoot you in the hand, take the unfinished painting with your blood splatter on it, say it’s done, and burn the rest after you’re gone, but that unfinished painting will never become the vision you have for it. Obviously, these paintings mean something to you if the only reason you’re holding the hellhounds off is so you can finish the last one.” 

The old man looked to Dean and Sam for help, and Sam immediately said, “I can honestly say I have no idea whether or not she’s being serious, but I do know that you don’t have a phone up here. The only way you could get help is if you opened a window and yelled for it, but then you’d let in the hellhounds, and you’re last work won’t be finished . . . the way you want it to be anyway.” That’s not where Dean had thought this was going. 

George shook his head and turned back to his painting. “You best get goin’ . . . but there ain’t a point to any of this.” 

Sam quickly grabbed Dean by the jacket and pulled him into the hall before he shut the door and took off at a brisk walk. Keeping pace with him, Dean said, “What the hell was that?” 

“We have to save both of them.” 

Dean stopped and pointed back at the door. “We can’t hold him hostage if he doesn’t want to be saved.” 

Sam shook his head and argued, “He’s only saying that, because he doesn’t see a way out. We have to give him a chance even if he doesn’t think he deserves it. I just know it’s something we have to do. He doesn’t even have to thank us. If he calls the cops when this is all over, it means we did our job.” 

_What is it with this hunt?_ “All right, but I’m only going along with this, because I want this case done and over with, like yesterday.” 

Dean kneeled in the dirt at the crossroads and dug a hole. He paused and felt like he was gonna throw up. _Shouldn’t have been the one to do this. Should’ve stayed with that Evan guy and let Sam take this part . . . I’m here now. Might as well get this over with._

He put his picture in the box and put the box in the hole before covering it over with dirt and felt it behind him before he’d even gotten to his feet. That was fast. He didn’t even really know what she said to him, so he turned and responded by saying what he was thinking. “I’m just glad it worked.”

What followed made him feel like he was reading a script . . . It made everything he’d been feeling about this case boil closer to the surface, but he couldn’t let this thing see him have a panic attack, so he had to play the part . . . just say whatever felt like it was the right thing to say and not think about it too much.

“First time?”

 _Not sure._ “You could say that.” 

“Oh, come on now. Don’t sell yourself short. I know all about you, Dean Winchester.”

 _It knows who I am. Fuck, it’s got that whole mind reading thing going on . . . doesn’t know how I’m feeling though . . . just don’t think about it._ “So, you know who I am?” 

“I get the newsletter.”

“Well, don’t keep me in suspense. What have you heard?”

“Well, I heard you were handsome, but . . . you’re just edible. What can I do for you, Dean?

 _Edible . . . I bet._ “Maybe we should do this in my car. Nice and private.” _I don’t want this thing in my car._

“Sounds good to me.” 

“I was hoping we could strike a deal.” 

“That’s what I do.”

 _Yea, I know that’s what you do, or you wouldn’t be here._ “I want Evan Hudson and George Darrow released from their contracts.” 

“Hmm. So sorry, darling. That’s not negotiable.”

 _Everything with you things is negotiable as long as you get your way._ “I’ll make it worth your while.” 

“Oh really? What are you offering?” 

_Here goes . . ._ “Me.” 

“Their lives for yours? You’d sacrifice yourself for someone else?”

What she’d said didn’t feel right. It made him relax a little and gave him more confidence. It was missing a bit of the punch he was expecting for it to have. Yeah, he’d sacrifice himself for someone else. That was an easy one to answer. He just wouldn’t want someone else to do it for him. 

Opening the door to let her into the car, he said, “After you,” but she saw the devil’s trap under the car before she got in. _Good. Glad she saw the trap. Really didn’t want her in there._

“You stupid, stupid . . . I should rip you limb from limb.” _Probably shouldn’t let her get to close. Bet she could make good on that._ She followed him and said, “George Darrow is dead. Came across the wire a few minutes ago. That a problem for you, Dean?” 

_What about Beth? She couldn’t be . . . No, demons lie. ___

The demon followed it up with a sneerful, “You wouldn’t happen to know anyone that might’ve tried to get in the way would you? Nothing stops a hellhound from getting what it wants. Beth’s dead and in Heaven being ripped apart as we speak.” 

_No. She can’t be. I'd know._ Dean asked the demon what it knew about what the angels had planned for Beth, and the demon walked away from the water tower to bait him into asking for help. “Can you bring her back?” 

“I can give her a long and natural life.” 

“What about me?” 

“I could give you 10 years. 10 long good years. That’s a lifetime.”

 _10 years? Big surprise. Then what? I go to Hell, and she goes to Heaven and gets tortured without me being able to help her . . . Take another step, bitch . . . Gotcha._ “Think I’ll pass.

Dean got pretty far into the exorcism before she caved. George was a sticking point. She kept saying he was dead. Dean didn’t buy that. Beth wouldn’t have let that happen, and Beth wasn’t dead . . . He’d feel like he was dying if she were, wouldn’t he? He wasn’t sure. She said she felt fine when he was walking around outside his body. 

He was starting to second-guess how okay Beth really was, but even if George was dead Dean wanted his soul out of Hell. The demon wouldn’t go for it. Might as well finish this and go see how Beth was . . . maybe start making plans on being able to join her a little faster. See if Gabriel could sneak him into Heaven the back way or something. “I’m going to enjoy see you go through all that again. Have fun getting out of Hell,” Dean said before starting over on the exorcism.


	43. Rivergrove

“I don’t know how you did it, but thanks for taking care of that for him, Dean.” 

He followed me down the stairs and said, “Are you just gonna bring that with us everywhere we go?” 

I looked at the giant painting under my arm. “Yeah, I want him to know that no matter what happens from here on out at least someone noticed him.” 

Dean shook his head. “His talent didn’t go into making that. That painting might as well have come from Hell.” 

_Yeah, well, some people get talent from their parents and some get it from demons. Neither comes from them._ “I know you listen to Robert Johnson on the juke box from time to time. His guitar playing is the same thing. Maybe lots of things we don’t know about are. What if Keith Moon, Jim Morrison, Janice Joplin, Jimmy Hendrix, Bon Scot, Clif Burton, or Ian Curtis didn’t really die from drugs, alcohol, a bus accident, or suicide? What if they made deals?” 

Dean paused on the stairs, and I smiled and kept walking. When he caught up with me, he quickly said, “Did you have ruin half the good music that’s out there?” 

_Not even close to half._ “I don’t know. Bowie’s still alive, and –“ 

Dean put his arm behind me to pull me closer and landed his mouth over mine. A minute or two later, he pulled back a couple of inches and gave me a soft smile. “I didn’t know if –“ 

_”Uh, yeah, I know.”_ “You kicking in the poor guy’s front door told me that much.” 

Nuzzling his face against mine, he said, “New rule. Keep your phone charged, on, and with you at all times on a hunt.” 

_”Okay. I’m sorry.”_ I’d left my phone in George’s apartment while we were out on the balcony getting him some fresh air after the hellhounds disappeared. I think the front door flying in the way it did almost gave poor George a heart attack. 

“So, we’re taking people that don’t want to be saved hostage now?” 

_”We are if they deserve a second chance and don’t want to take it. He’s been punishing himself ever since he made the deal instead of living it up the way he could have been.”_

“You taped the goofer dust down?” 

I smiled and nodded. Now he was just making questions up, so he could have an excuse to stay like this a little longer. I was worried about him after what happened yesterday at Lloyd’s bar, but I don’t think that’s what this was about. Lately, he’d been making more time for moments like this. It seemed like he was trying to get us back on track. I’d been getting that look from him that let me know what I meant to him more often than I used to get it. I hadn’t even known I’d missed seeing it until I saw it again. It’s what let me know that we were honestly good again. He couldn’t fake those looks. 

“Sam and Paige are okay?” 

Dean nodded before sighing at me ruining the moment and saying, “Yeah, we should go pick them up. I want to get out of here before George changes his mind and calls the cops.” 

Dean let me go, and I picked up the painting that was now resting against my leg. “I don’t think he will. I told him we’re going to be pen pals.” 

Dean shook his head while he went around to the driver’s side door. “How does that work? Are you going to have him send stuff to your Dad’s new place? I don’t know if that’s a good idea after . . . “ 

“Those people trapped him with magic demon fire? I agree. I’m never giving anyone Dad’s address.” 

Dean exhaled a laugh before he opened the door and got in. I wasn’t putting my Dad at risk, and I wasn’t putting George at risk the way I had Cheryl and Paige. I climbed into the passenger seat and said, “Well, I told George that for now we’ll have to be one-sided pen pals. I think people feel special when they get letters in the mail, so I figured it was something he could use even if he couldn’t send me anything back. I just won’t ask any questions in the letters, so he doesn’t feel like he has to respond.” 

Paige wasn’t clawed to death by a hellhound, and neither was Evan. Sam did a good job. Evan and his wife had a new baby, and I guess if you think about it, that baby wouldn’t have been born if he hadn’t made the deal. That baby and the people Dr. Pearlman had saved while she was chief surgeon were the good things that came from those deals . . . if that’s the way you wanted to look at it. They didn’t make the deals for those reasons. They did them for themselves, but I guess some good came from the deals . . . even if it could be argued that Evan could have found a new wife in 10 years and could have had other children that wouldn’t be born now. It could also be argued that if the doctor hadn’t been gifted the role of chief surgeon, someone else just as worthy would have done the job, so the people on the operating table she saved still would’ve lived. Thinking about it too much was depressing, so I tried not to focus on it. Instead, I focused on George still being alive. I think him not thinking that he deserved to be saved and his willingness to accept his punishment were what made me want to save him. Sure the way I had us go about it was more than a little underhanded, but it worked. I just hoped that now he’d stop punishing himself and turn it around, so he could do some real good.

A couple of weeks later, a moment I wasn’t really looking forward to happened . . . again. Dean, Paige, and I came in from our morning training to find Sam on the floor by the beds. He’d had another vision. By that point, Paige knew what was going on with Sam, because she’d been living with us, and she was smart, so she gave me a look that said, ‘You have to tell him,’ while Dean helped Sam off the floor. 

It wasn’t really my job to say anything to him. It was Dean’s. Then maybe Dean and I might tag team in on the argument, and if that didn’t work, I wasn’t sure what we were going to do, but I was toying with the notion of sedating Sam and tying him up . . . probably shouldn’t do that, but it’s what I was considering doing. 

Sam got up from the bed and started packing. I sat down on my bed and watched him go. Dean sat next to me and said, “Uh, Sam . . . sit down. We need to talk.” 

Sam grabbed another to put into his bag and said, “Yeah, all right. We can do it in the car. Rivergrove . . . that’s where we’ve gotta be,” before he went to his laptop and flipped it open to have a look at which Rivergrove it might be. As soon as he found it, he put his laptop away and paused when he saw me and Dean weren’t moving. 

“What? I know –“ 

Dean interrupted him. “You a mind reader now too? You don’t know what we’re going to say. Sit down.” 

Sam pointed at the door. “We don’t have time for this. You had some guy tied up, and then you just wasted him. We need to –“ 

Dean’s annoyance bubbled to the top. “So, us going there seems like the best idea to you? Sit down!” At Dean’s shift to an authoritative voice, Sam sat on the opposite bed, and Dean said, “Unless we get word from Ash that the Yellow-eyed demon is there, we’re not going to check out anymore of these visions . . . end of.” 

“Dean, you can’t be serious. We need to stop –“ 

Dean kept control over the conversation, but relaxed some. “It’s not reliable. We had days to get to Guthrie to try and save that doctor. Nothing happened to him until we got there, but when Andy’s evil twin killed their Mom, you got the vision while it was happening. What about the vision you had when Meg and that other demon crashed yours and Dad’s party early? The demon is sending you these visions for a reason, and they’re not good reasons.” 

Sam considered what Dean said before he slumped. “What about why we were Rivergrove? Something –“ 

“I’d say you saw us there after we went there because of this vision, Sam.” 

Sam shook his head. “No, there was something really wrong there . . . We have to check it out, but –“ Sam gave Dean a look that said to let him finish this time before he said, “If you and Beth go check it out, I’ll stay here with Paige. I was there in the vision, so if I do everything I have to do to stay away, we can see if it changes anything . . . If you really think that the Yellow-eyed demon is sending me these visions because he wants me to go to these places . . . maybe we could try changing this one by having me not go and see what happens.” I don’t think Dean or I were expecting that, and it must’ve been written all over our faces. Sam gave us a half-smile and said, “Is it so hard to believe I’d actually listen to you?” Yeah, it was, but it didn’t change that I was happy enough about it to get up and go give him a hug. 

“You’re not just going to find another way there the second we leave, right?” I pulled back to look him in the eye and see how truthfully he’d answer my question.

“No, maybe we do need to experiment on the visions a little . . . This one, the one that put us onto Andy, and the one that happened when I was with Dad stand out as oddly timed. The one with the poltergeist in our old house, the one with Max’s step-mom, the one right after that with Dean, and the one with Andy’s girlfriend . . . those are the only ones that we’ve been able to do anything about. Maybe they were breadcrumbs to make me think I can stop these things from happening, so I pay more attention to them. And why would I have this one about Dean? It’s painting him out to be the bad guy. I know he wouldn’t do something like that for no reason. I don’t want something like these visions making me question him . . . If I turn off my phone and take Paige to the zoo or something, maybe it’ll work . . . but I’m trusting you with my brother, and . . . the next time I have one and see the three of us in it, one of you is being left behind . . . I mean it’s the only way to really do an experiment on them, right?” 

That was true, so I nodded. Dean was pretty much, “Well, see,” about it, but I didn’t think it was a bad idea, and Sam was willing to bite the bullet on this one, so it was only fair Dean or I do it the next time.

Dean and I decided that the best way not to play into the vision was to not hear anything about it other than the location of the town. We cut off all contact, so Sam wouldn’t be tempted to call us and ask for updates or be tempted to come to the town if he thought we needed help. If he had any more visions, like one of us dying, he was to stay where he was, because it didn’t necessarily mean anything. If anything it probably meant that the Yellow-eyed demon really wanted him to go there, so it was the last place he should go. 

The town was in Oregon, which was a pretty long drive, but we made it in a couple of days, because we didn’t stop longer than it took to get food and fill up the tank. When we pulled up in Rivergrove, we had no idea why we were there. We didn’t even know where to start the investigation if one needed to happen. “How should we play this?” I asked getting out of the Impala. 

Dean looked around before he shrugged. “We should blend in and get a feel for the place first. Maybe we could see if anything out of the ordinary’s happened?” 

I’d been using my laptop to check the regional newspapers and the history of the town every time we stopped in a diner that had wifi and hadn’t found anything yet, except that it was something of a secluded town that had an influx of tourists during the summer and had a much smaller population in the winter. If this town had its own newspaper, it wasn’t online yet, so we’d have to check a local shop to see if it had any in stock. 

As it turns out, there was a local paper, but there was nothing noteworthy in it for today’s paper. Maybe there had been something in an older issue. We decided to go to the newspaper office, so we could look through the archives. It was mostly just a little house that’d been converted into office space and was operated by one old man. We told him that we were from a newspaper in Seattle and were doing a story on small town news . . . Going through the archives didn’t reveal anything odd over the last couple of months. Nothing supernatural had ever happened here from what I could tell. We were there for a few hours and decided to call it quits. 

Then we went to the local diner to hang out and talk to the locals. None of them had noticed anything strange going on . . . I wondered how long we were supposed to wait. There wasn’t a whole lot to do in this town. Looking at Dean, I asked, “How long was it between when Sam had that premonition of the doctor in Guthrie to when we got there?” I have to say. I might’ve been getting bored, but he was doing a pretty good job of staying on point, because he hadn’t relaxed the entire time we’d been there. 

“I don’t know how long we’ll have to wait. Feels like if something were going to happen. It would’ve happened by now . . . I think the demon’s gotta have someone or something keeping a look out for Sam in these places . . . and maybe they’re what sets these things in motion. I’m starting to think that maybe these visions act like a one-way radio . . . The Demon doesn’t know where Sam is . . . sends him a vision, Sam checks it out, because he has to save whoever it is that’s dying, and then the Demon can pick him up again.” Then Dean leaned into my shoulder and whispered, “And why is Sam only getting visions of some of these psychics? There have to be a lot more of them out there, and we’ve only found 3 . . . 2 of them were killers. Where are the rest? Are they out there killing, and Sam doesn’t know it, or are they all just . . . still normal?” 

I leaned back into his shoulder and said quietly, “Wanna find out? I know we’ll only be able to find the ones with fires in their nurseries, but we could track those down and see what they’re doing. Find out if anything is happening to them . . . We have a couple of free days if you really think this place is a bust.” 

He wasn’t expecting me to say that. “We can’t just look into this without letting him know . . . And what if we find out they all go bad? What are we supposed to do then?” 

“I don’t think we should keep it from him. I think we should tell him, and I think we should split up. You go with him. I’ll stay with Paige, and we’ll look into it separately . . . but I think you and me should look into the first one together now, so we can be prepared for what we’re going to find with the rest. We can’t just bury our heads in the sand and hope it’ll go away. Knowledge is power, and it’s better to know what to expect than to wish we had the answers when we need them.” 

Dean looked down at me over his shoulder and said, “We’re keeping Sam in the loop, and we’re not separating. I know we’ll cover more ground if we do, but I don’t want you on your own, and . . . I think we should get out of this town. The longer we wait, the more time the Demon has to think about making a play for you again,” before he threw his cash on the counter and waited for me to get up and follow him out the door. Nothing ever did happen in that town.


	44. Forced Holidays

Sam took a look around and leaned closer to Dean before he quickly whispered, “I thought we were going to look into what is going on with me, Dean. Why are we here?” 

_Uh . . . Beth’s Dad is making us?_ “Beth promised her Dad that if he got us out of jail in Baltimore, she’d take a week off and go on vacation with him after the first snow. It snowed last night. He wants us here too, so here we are.” 

Not that Dean could complain. They needed this. He half-thought her Dad made it snow, just so they could have an excuse to take a break for Christmas. This ski cabin was even nicer than the cabin Beth got Dean for his birthday a couple of years ago. It was decked out for the holidays, and there was beer on tap and food everywhere. Sam was just complaining, because Gabriel freaked him out. 

Paige came into the room eating some kind of a tiny cake and said, “I love Beth’s Dad. First, he pulls off some kind of a miraculous deal without leaving any trace of us behind in Baltimore, and this place . . . I don’t think there’s anywhere on the face of the planet that could be as close to his daughter’s own private fantasy world than here . . . There’s even a little library nook in the corner near the fireplace with a beanbag chair that’s just her size, and I can’t fault anything I’ve tried . . . It all tastes amazing.” 

Sam looked at Dean and exclaimed in exasperation, “See . . . even she gets it, and she’s met him twice!” 

Paige reached for a bon bon and said, “What do I get?” 

Sam answered her before Dean could stop him. “This isn’t normal.” 

Paige shrugged. “So? I’m thinking of ways to have him adopt me as we speak . . . beats the hell out of deadbeat parents I haven’t talked to in years. Why do you think I used to look forward to spending Christmas at Cheryl’s parent’s house? If I hadn’t gone with her, I wouldn’t have had anywhere to go on the holidays . . . just glad I get to be a part of this.” 

Sam looked around for any sign of Gabriel and leaned down to whisper, “Don’t you think she should know this isn’t normal though? Don’t you think –“ 

_He’s getting way too close to saying something he shouldn’t._ “Stop talking about it, Sam.”

Dean started eyeing the mini-pie that Paige grabbed from a stack that he’d already decided were his. The ratio of crust to filling was perfect. He waited all year long for these damn mini-pies. She hadn’t tried it yet, so she had no idea how good they were. He still had time to hide the rest. He covertly started sliding the rest of the stack behind him. Good thing she was preoccupied with Sam. “This is normal for her, just like the royal family thinks growing up in a palace is normal.” 

Sam shook his head. “But wouldn’t you want to know . . . if there was something not quite normal about-“ 

Dean stepped in to stop Sam again. “Last warning, Sam . . . There is nothing wrong with Beth, and there’s nothing wrong with her Dad.” 

He wasn’t expecting Sam to get his face and yell, “If you really cared about her, you’d want her to know the truth . . . If you found out something like that about me, would you tell me, or would you keep it a secret?” 

So, this was more about Sam thinking she should know, because he wanted to know what was going on with his powers? “You don’t know anything, just enough to be dangerous to both of us. This is just like when I trusted you to keep her crashing the prom a secret, and it bit me in ass . . . should’ve known that it would now.” 

Deflating, Sam said, “What do you mean dangerous for both of you?” 

“I shouldn’t have even said anything to you, but I did, because you’re my brother. Nice one on trying to bring Paige into it. You can fix that one yourself.” Dean asked Paige if she knew where Beth was, and she said she thought she was out ice-skating with her Dad. He’d always wanted to see if she could do that. He knew she said she did it a lot growing up, but she hadn’t had a chance to do it in years . . . maybe she’d fall. That might cheer him up, so he picked up the rest of his mini-pies and put them in his and Beth’s room before he grabbed his jacket and headed outside.

When he got out to the little lake where they were, it wasn’t quite what he was expecting. It should’ve been. It wasn’t like they were figure skating. It was more like they were playing ice hockey. Her Dad was on goal, and she did anything and everything she could to get a goal . . . some of the slides and some of the moves she used . . . kind of thought he’d seen her do similar things on hunts. Her Dad had trained her to be a hunter from the time she was little, but he’d made it fun for her, and he’d made sure Dean’s Dad still made it fun for her. She was never going to want to give up this life. He didn’t know what made him think that just then, or what made him think that her giving it up was something he wanted. It just kind of hit him out of nowhere.

“You think maybe these visions go both ways . . . He may not be able to find me, but he can find out what we’re up to from me that way? Is that why you haven’t told me everything yet?” 

Grateful for the distraction, Dean looked at Sam. He didn’t want to fight with Sam. He just wanted to be brothers and for things to be good again, and he wanted Sam to have his back the way he had Sam’s. “I don’t know if he can or not, Sam. What if one of the other psychics can do it for him from anywhere?” 

Sam exhaled a puff of frozen air and said, “If God being on our side doesn’t mean anything . . . How screwed are we, Dean?” 

“God needs to be on our side . . . We’re supposed to protect Him. Beth has the ability to find and retrieve these . . . things, and if someone had all of them, they could take over and kill God, and I think if that happens –“ 

Sam froze for a couple of seconds before he looked at Dean and said, “Everything else gets wiped out? I mean God created everything, so everything He made goes with Him . . . Don’t tell me anymore. If the Demon can get in my head, I don’t want . . . Why’d you say it was dangerous for both of you if anyone finds out? There was more to it. I could tell.” 

“Do you really wanna know? It goes with the rest of it. If word gets out . . . “ 

Sam ducked his head. “How am I supposed to protect you if I don’t know how to do it?” _I hear ya, brother._ “God, I hate this . . . I want to help you. I want to help Beth . . . I feel like these powers and whatever is connecting me to the Demon is keeping me from being able to do that. I feel like they’re separating us when we can’t afford to be separated.” 

“So, we don’t let them. You may not be able to know what I know until we can kill that Yellow-eyed Son-of-a-bitch, but if we stick together, he can’t really tear us apart, right?” 

Sam gave Dean a small nod before he smiled. “Think we could take them? I know you can’t skate, but you could stay on goal and stop anything from getting past.” _Not a bad idea._ “Take the clip out of your gun. You can’t shoot the puck to stop it.” 

Dean quickly said, “I wouldn’t do that.” 

Sam gave him a disbelieving look before he laughed at Dean flipping him off and said, “Yeah, we’ll see . . . If we’ve gotta be here for a week, we might as well make the most of it. I can’t wait to see you try to ski . . . That’s going to be hilarious.” 

_Skiing?_ “How the hell can you ski? Oh, wait . . . let me guess, you went with your college friends . . . Well, I ain’t skiing. I’m hanging out in the hot tub while you all do that.” 

“Is there really a hot tub?” 

Dean grinned and said, “Hell yeah, there is, and a pool, and a games room with a bar and a jukebox . . . think I even saw a movie room.” 

They started walking towards the lake, and it felt like things were going to be all right for a change. Sam leaned closer and asked, “Is he just showing off now that we know who he is, or is this . . . I don’t know. A last hoorah?” 

“Well, I think things are gonna get a whole lot harder before they get any easier, but I’m thinking he just misses his daughter. If I had a one, and I could do the kinds of things he can . . . think I’d do stuff like this for her as much as I could.” 

Sam watched him and asked teasingly, “Thinking of having kids, Dean?” 

_What? No . . . well, maybe. Think I’d want a girl._ Dean made a face and said, “Dude, I’ve already got one giant kid too many.” 

“Nope, not buyin’ it . . . You took too long to answer.” Sam went towards two hockey sticks that were resting up against a tree, like they were waiting to be used by them. They were the right height and everything. Sam handed Dean his and asked if they were really only staying a week. Dean loved the fast turn around in Sam over that one. 

_I know, Sammy . . . We need this, and it doesn’t hurt that you’re safer from the Demon with Gabriel around than you are anywhere else._ Dean smiled and answered, “Oh, I don’t know . . . think we should stick around for New Years . . . make it a bit longer than a week.” 

It was probably the best week he and Sam’d had together since they were kids. They hung out the whole time. It wasn’t all about the Demon or Sam’s powers or hunting, it was just them drinking a few beers and shooting pool, or daring each other to do things, like jump from the hot tub to a big pile of snow outside . . . fair play to Sam for actually doing that one. They hung out with Paige and watched movies at night, while Beth played board games with her Dad.   
The food was unreal, and then there was Christmas.

Gabriel gave Sam a cheerleading outfit to go along with the doll and pom poms he got when he was a kid. Sam’s face had been hilarious when he opened the present, but Gabriel sending Beth and Paige to go get more food, so he could snap his fingers and put Sam in the cheerleading outfit had been priceless. When Sam got upset about it, Gabriel shrugged and said that it was his present to Dean, and then he set things right before Paige and Beth came back with more stuff to snack on. 

Beth and Gabriel’s snowman war on New Year’s Day had been epic. They’d been building them all week, when they weren’t sledding down the mountain, and then they destroyed the two armies . . . It’d ended up the way it had all week with Beth and Gabriel on one team and Sam, Dean, and Paige on the other. Paint grenades and paintballs were flying everywhere until Beth rigged it, so all of their snowmen blew up at the same time, so they didn’t have any left. She said that meant she and her Dad won, because they had lots of snowmen left, and then it just turned into a free for all. That was something they had to do again. 

A couple of days later, they were pulling up to the Roadhouse when Beth spoke up from the back. “I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to ask them for help on anything. The only time we should be in contact with anyone here is when Ash calls to tell us that there’s been a demon sighting. I think we should find the other psy kids ourselves.” 

It was the first time she’d said anything since they left her Dad’s. Dean and Sam shared a look before Sam looked back over the seat and asked why. She shrugged and looked back out the window. Something was going on with her. She never got this disappointed when she left her Dad’s, and she was never as quiet as she had been the last few days. Dean didn’t know what was going on, because she was blocking him. 

It was putting a buzz kill on the week and a half that they’d had at her Dad’s, and Dean was getting a little annoyed by it. Finally got Sam to relax and have a good time, and now she was being a pain in the ass. If she didn’t feel like filling the rest of the class in on why they shouldn’t be here, then they were going in without her. Dean got out of the car and said, “Then stay in the car,” before slamming the door shut and heading for the bar with Sam and Paige. 

Catching up to him, Sam said, “She still hasn’t said anything?” 

Dean shook his head. “That is the first thing I’ve heard her say in days . . . You think she’s gonna quit? That’s what it feels like . . . like she’s done. She just wants to go live with her Dad and–“ 

Sam stopped him and asked Paige if she could go into the bar without them. “I think her Dad had a talk with her, Dean. He hardly ever gives her good presents, and this year he gave her an angel blade. I don’t even know what that is, but I’m assuming it can kill angels, and he said it was custom made for her . . . Did you see them training with it?” 

_When the hell did they do that? How did Sam get to see them train if I didn’t?_

Dean hesitantly shook his head, and Sam glanced back at the car to make sure Beth was still in there before he whispered, “He had one too, but it looked different. Ask her to show you some of her moves, but if I were you, I wouldn’t practice with her . . . She’s -” Sam laughed in disbelief before he shook his head and said, “You were right . . . I had no idea how good she is, but I don’t think you do either. There is no way she could pick up a new weapon and use it the way she did if she a) didn’t know what he was and know he would be able to keep up if she went all out, and b) if she hadn’t been trained in the past . . . I think that angel blade actually was made for her . . . in that last life you told me about,” before he pushed in through the door and left Dean standing there.

She hadn’t gone the way Dean had thought she would with it if her Dad told her that he was really Gabriel. She hadn’t taken off or started thinking that she wasn’t human . . . if anything she’d gotten closer to her Dad and was apparently embracing the angel way of life if she was training with him . . . _Seriously, when the hell did that happen?_

Sam could handle asking Ash what they wanted to know, so Dean went back to the car, climbed in the front, and leaned over the seat. Had to tap her leg and get her attention. He knew she knew he was there. Now she was just ignoring him. When she took the headphones off he asked, “What’d your Dad say to you?” She looked like she was going to play dumb, so he said, “I know he must’ve told you something . . . What’d he say?” 

She sighed and answered, “You wouldn’t believe me.” 

There wasn’t much he wouldn’t believe, except maybe anything to do with aliens. “Try me.” Usually, she told him everything. Couldn’t really think of a time when she hadn’t. All she did this time was put her headphones back on to shut down anything else he was going to say.


	45. Who Am I?

_Don’t look at me like that Dean. I don’t want to make you feel bad . . . I just need some time._ He went from looking hurt to looking pissed off and decided to slam the door again on his way back to the Roadhouse. I wasn’t mad at him . . . I wanted to understand why he’d done what he did. There were a lot of holes in the story that my Dad couldn’t fill in for me, either because he didn’t know, like what happened when Dean met with God, or because he couldn’t tell me as a general rule laid down by God. If he broke that rule, he’d get kicked off the team bus, sent back home, and Dean and I would be here on our own. 

I knew this Dean had no idea about any of it, so I couldn’t get any answers from him. I knew Dean, young or old, wouldn’t do something like this if he weren’t trying to do something good . . . I think he was tricked, and it made me fairly angry with God. In fact, I’d said that to God more than once since I found out about it. I had a direct line with Him that He’d set up Himself. He was God, so He could shut it down, but He wouldn’t, because apparently He and I had a deal, so I was using it to be narky with Him at the moment. 

Why did I know about the direct line that God wouldn’t shut down? The same reason I now knew Dean and I were in the process of reliving a part of Dean’s life that he’d lived without me the first time. Dad found a loophole on the deal God said Dean had made with Him, so he took it to God hoping to cut the deal short, and God said that wasn’t an option. He could remove all the parts of my soul that Dean and I had rebuilt over the years, so I would match up exactly to the way I would’ve been when Dean and I met as teenagers and start this life all over again, or Dad could give me some useful things, like my angel blade and some information about my previous life to motivate me to keep Dean’s fate from happening. Obviously, Dad didn’t like the first idea, so he went with the second option and said he was starting to think that had been the point all along, because God didn’t make mistakes, which meant God had planned for this loophole. He’d just been waiting for Dad to figure it out.

The way Dad explained it. My childhood was part of my previous life right up until I met Dean in high school. I guess Dean was fated to die and go to Hell at the end of us being here . . . He would’ve come back in 4 months, but if the game ended when Dean died, that couldn’t happen . . . This was beginning to feel like a test. If we succeeded, we’d live. If we failed, we’d die . . . just like real life, I guess. I mean when I thought I was dying a few months ago, I thought that was it, but we had a lot more on the line than I thought we did then. We had to make it back to our previous life. 

I took the picture my Dad had given me out of my pocket to look at it again and willed myself to remember her. She had straight brown hair, like mine, and she had quite a lot of it for a little girl her age. She was sporting a little barrette with an elephant on it and wearing a little Bears sweatshirt, that was probably one of the cutest things I’d ever seen, and a pair of little jeans and a pair of tiny little shoes with Thundercats on them. My Dad said that he got her those shoes, and it made me think about when I first met Dean when we were little kids. If the first part of my life was the same in both that life and this life, it made so much sense for her to be wearing them if she was our daughter. There was more of a romantic in my Dad than I’d thought.

She was concentrating really hard on the ring pyramid toy in front of her. There were about 12 different rings. It looked pretty complicated for a kid her age. There were alphabet blocks and a My Pet Monster just like mine lying on the ground behind her. I guess her Godfather got her the My Pet Monster and the Bears sweatshirt. Dad couldn’t tell me who that was, but whoever it was had good taste. She seemed pretty relaxed and healthy . . . maybe a little happy, or she would be when she got the rings all on the right way. 

I wondered if she succeeded after the picture was taken. It was a good photo. I didn’t remember taking it, but apparently I had. I also didn’t remember her, but I was quite attached to her. She was adorable, and she looked smart, and I wanted to see her in person. Maybe I’d remember her the next time I looked at the picture. I wanted to miss her and for it to mean something not just look at the picture and wish I could meet her.

I saw Sam, Dean, and Paige coming back to the car and put the picture back in my pocket. It looked like we were heading out again . . . Good. I hated this place. It wasn’t other hunters in general that I didn’t like, because I thought Bobby was fine, just a guy that’d gotten used to living on his own and didn’t know how to deal with house guests for extended periods of time. He was a good man . . . one that still cared about Sam and Dean even after not seeing them for such a long time. I also liked Caleb. 

Before the year that John fell completely off the grid, Caleb was the guy Dean used to call when John was late getting back from a hunt he didn’t think we should do with him. John never told us where or what he was hunting those times, because he didn’t want us to follow him, but he usually told Caleb, and Caleb had brought John home more than a couple of times for us. He was loyal to John, and he was a good contact to have when it came to looking for information. He was a good man from what I could tell even though I didn’t know him all that well, because it’s not like we saw him very often. 

He and Bobby both knew when to keep their noses out of other people’s business, and while I thought Ellen was a good woman and liked her well enough . . . I didn’t like how she told me I shouldn’t be a hunter. I also didn’t like how she forced us into telling her why we’d looked into Andy Gallagher. It wasn’t any of her business, and I didn’t like how she’d told Jo that Bill dying was John’s fault to try and keep Jo from hunting. 

I understood her not wanting Jo to hunt, but I didn’t like the way any of that had gone down, because the guys were still grieving for their father. Hell, I was grieving for their father, and the last thing any of us needed to hear was that he’d made a mistake that got someone else killed . . . if that even happened. Sure, mistakes happened in hunting, but I knew John pretty well, and it was just as likely that he took responsibility for any mistakes Bill made to keep Ellen from blaming Bill for being dead . . . to maybe make the grieving process easier for her, and what does she do? Throw it John’s sons’ faces when she can’t keep a tight enough reign on her own daughter . . . Well, she may not have thrown it in their faces, but her daughter sure did. 

Baby Bear was an immature, selfish brat that took her anger at the loss of her father over a decade ago out on two men that were freshly grieving for their own father. It pissed me off. It was disrespectful to John’s memory and hurtful to his sons. That may have pissed me off, but it isn’t why I didn’t like this place either. 

The Roadhouse was like a breeding ground for the wrong kind of hunter. They were the type of hunters John might have been able to blend in with and be respected by, but he was a good judge of character, and the people here weren’t ones he’d wanted us to know for a reason. I suspected more of them were like Gordon that not, and I also suspected that as long as their money was good, Ellen didn’t care what they were like as people, which I found bizarre considering how protective she was of her daughter, but whatever. However she chose to pay the bills didn’t concern me. What did concern me was the kind of attention we might be attracting here. Call it a gut feeling, but I didn’t think we should be here at all.

It turns out I was right, but rarely was I this right with little to no evidence to back it up. Someone took a crack shot at Sam through our motel window when we were in Lafayette, Indiana. Well, I say it was at Sam, but I was the one that got grazed by the bullet, because I was standing next to him. I wasn’t all that happy about it, because well . . . I got shot, but it wasn’t just that. It was my reaction. 

I wasn’t all that surprised that someone had tried to assassinate Sam. If I wasn’t all that surprised by it and if I had the feeling this had something to do with that damn Roadhouse, then maybe this was something Dean had told me about his past in our previous life, and that’s why I had the gut feeling that I did about the Roadhouse. It made what we had to do to keep Dean from dying seem that much harder, because Sam being shot at still happened, except why the fuck did I get shot if I wasn’t here the first time? 

It meant nothing was as it was supposed to be even while it was . . . Rubbing those Fateful etchings out of Dean’s gravestone was going to be a bitch. Maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t know the specifics on what was going to happen, or I’d start panicking every time something wasn’t changed, but I was for damn sure going to listen to my gut feelings about things a lot more. I didn’t really have time to think about all of that too much right now though. I had to figure out a way to get us out of the motel room.

Going out the front seemed like the worst option. If there was only one shooter, then he’d get us on the way out . . . He was still there, because he shot a few more times after he hit me even though he didn’t have a shot. If there were two shooters, then the shooter across the road could keep us in here by doing what he was doing while the other one waited for us at the back near the bathroom window. If there three or more, then the shooter across the road could keep us in here, while the others stormed the room from the front and back, and then we’d be fucked. Going out the back seemed like the best option, and we had to be fast about it before they could put their plan into action if there was a team of them, so Sam and I lead Paige and this Ava chick out the bathroom window. 

We didn’t get any resistance, so that was good, I guess. As soon as we were out the window, Sam pulled me aside and said, “Beth stay here, and let Paige –“ 

I ignored him and walked towards the side of the building, so I could find a way to get to the other side of the street. The shooter had to have been on one of the rooftops over there. I was stopped when Sam grabbed ahold of my forearm and said, “Look, I know you’re . . . going through some stuff right now, but you’re not the terminator. You’re bleeding. Let Paige take care of it, and I’ll go have a look with Ava.” 

That was another thing. I knew he’d latched onto this Ava girl, because she had the exact same power as him, but I didn’t like her, and since I decided less than 5 minutes ago that I was going to trust my gut feelings more, I decided that maybe I didn’t like her for a reason. Looking up at Sam, I said, “I’ll be fine. I’m not leaving you out of my sight. I don’t know where Dean is with the food, but it’s my job to protect you until he gets back,” before I grabbed his hand, like a mother taking her child across the street and started leading him to the building to the right of the motel. 

In fairness to him, he let me drag him all the way to the cover of the next building before he laughed and said, “I’m not a little kid, Beth . . . You’re going to need both hands if –“ 

I dropped his hand and ran us to the back of the next building and kept going until we could get around this row of buildings. I needed to get us across the street, but I couldn’t do it anywhere near here. When we got to the end of the road, I ran across the street to take cover behind one of the buildings over there and kept going, until I’d circled all the back around to the buildings directly across the street from our motel. 

It took us a while, because I was cautious the whole way, but nobody should have seen us. I was pretty good at my job even though I had a ragtag group of inexperienced people, and Sam, the giant, to keep an eye on. I waited until we got to the shadows of the building I wanted before I pulled my handgun out and said, “Paige, stay here with Ava. Try to look like you’re not up to anything,” before I dragged Sam towards a fire escape. I went first, so if anyone was going to get his or her head blown off, it would be me.

When we got to the top, I didn’t see anyone on this roof. I didn’t see anyone on any of the other rooftops either. This one seemed like the right one considering the trajectory of the bullet. We couldn’t spend much time looking for the person who’d shot at Sam when they could be making another attempt at any second. Staying low all the way to the front of the building, I kept my eye out for any tripwires . . . still no activity. 

There wasn’t much in the way of evidence that anyone had been here except for some shell casings. Bending down to examine them, I handed one to Sam over my head and said, “Pro, but sloppy.” Looking at the angle from here to the motel room, I added, “And not a great shot . . . at least not as good as the three of us. There’s no way we would’ve missed. I don’t see any sulphur. I’m thinking it’s a human, and I’m thinking that whoever it is followed us from the Roadhouse. This is exactly why I didn’t want to go there,” before I stood and started walking towards the fire escape again.

When our feet hit the ground, Sam called Dean, and Dean answered, but apparently he wasn’t alone, and whomever it was he was with had a gun on him . . . probably our shooter. I was in the process of telling Sam that I would take care of it, when he dragged me away from the other two and put his hands on my shoulders to make me listen to him while he said I wasn’t going anywhere on my own. 

“Why not, Sam? I wasn’t in Ava’s vision, so me being there shouldn’t be a problem.” 

He squinted in confusion and said, “So? You and Dean are the ones that said not to put much faith in my visions, and . . . “ He paused while he thought about how to follow that up and finally said, “You weren’t in my vision about Jess, and look what happened to you anyway. You’re not going there on your own. If your job is to look after me until we get Dean back, mine is to look after you.” _Aw. That’s really sweet, Sam._

I didn’t say anything to counter that, because I think not talking is hard to argue against, so he tried reiterating that I’d been shot and needed that to be sewn up. “I can’t feel it.” It made him pause, so I explained. “I know it’s there. I’m aware of it, but it doesn’t hurt. I never feel things when I get hurt. Mostly, I just think, ‘Oh, I got hurt,’ and then I carry on until the hunt is over, and then it hurts, but I can’t feel it right now . . . Like I keep telling you, ‘I think I’m more Zen then most people.’” 

When he didn’t respond, I said, “What? You didn’t know?” He shook his head. “It’s why I wanted that shifter in St. Louis to take me. I thought me not giving it what it wanted, the crying and screaming and begging, would make it want it more, so it’d go harder on me in the short amount of time I thought it’d have me. This is nothing. Don’t worry about me. I’ll get Dean back. You stay here with Ava and Paige.” 

He looked guilty, so I said, “I didn’t say that to make you feel bad. It’s something I use when I have to use it. It’s like a weapon in my arsenal.” 

He still hesitated. “I thought you weren’t letting me out of your sight.” 

_I did say that, didn’t I?_ “Well, that’s when I didn’t know what was happening. Now I do. I think you’ll be okay here. Whoever it is won’t leave Dean’s side now that he or she has him.” 

“What if there’s more than one?” 

“Someone would’ve been waiting for us to exit out the back of the motel if there were two or more.” I looked towards Ava and Paige. “You can finish your psychic spiel with Ava if you stay here.” 

The looke he gave me said that wasn’t more important than Dean. “What’s going on, Beth? You’re not acting like you. Whatever it is, you can tell me.” 

“The honest truth is that I don’t know Sam. What I do know is that I have a bad feeling about Ava. Get her to stay here until we’re done, and then we can take her home to make sure she gets there all right . . . Don’t worry about me. She already told us what we needed to know about the layout, and I know not to go through a door when I can use a window. Whoever it is will never see me coming.” 

He looked at me and then at Ava before he nodded. “All right, but this isn’t happening again, and you’re talking to someone even if it’s not me when this is done.” 

Smirking, I said, “Yeah, sure. Set me up an appointment with Dr. Waxler while I’m gone,” before I headed off to see if I could find a car to steal. My Dad told me that I could do something that I wanted to try out. This seemed like the perfect opportunity for that.


	46. Gone

Someone knocked on the back door, and Dean and Gordon gave each other a look. Why would anyone knock? Maybe it was a neighbor? Sam and Beth wouldn’t knock to say they were here. Gordon had a look out the back, and from the sounds of things nobody was there. Maybe something was happening. 

Gordon came back into the room to cover the front. Then they heard a few boards breaking upstairs, like someone was trying to come in a window, and Gordon laughed. He thought the hunt was on now. He was gearing up. This is the kind of thing he lived for. Gordon was halfway across the room on his way to check the stairs when they heard a thud upstairs. Picking up the pace Gordon made it half way up the stairs, before there was a knock at the front door. Gordon stopped. He’d have to commit . . . Upstairs or down? 

If Gordon was upstairs, then Sam or Beth or whichever one wasn’t upstairs could come in at the front and untie Dean. As soon as Dean was gone, Gordon’s shot at finishing the hunt was over. His best bet was to stay near Dean. That must be what Gordon figured too, because he came back down the stairs, crossed the room, and went back to covering the front door. There was silence . . . the seconds ticked by . . . should unnerve Gordon some. There was a creak upstairs. Gordon was going to stay put at the front door, but half his focus was on the back room . . . silence . . . Gordon was in the middle of saying, “Always like it better when –“ when there was an explosion in the room behind Dean. 

Dean instinctually ducked as well as he could in the chair. _Tell me that was on purpose._ Nobody had come in through the back door, so the tripwire by the door wouldn’t go off, but if someone came in upstairs, they could have set that second tripwire by the stairs off. Gordon went to the back of the room to have a look, but paused just inside the doorway to listen. 

The next thing Dean knew, Gordon was flying backwards into the room, fell over a piece of furniture, and landed on is back. Beth must’ve swung down from a beam above the doorframe to get the right amount of force to do it, because she landed on both her feet not far from Gordon, and kicked him in the face while he was in the process of standing. It might’ve given him busted lip, but it wasn’t enough to keep Gordon down. 

Dean wasn’t entire sure what the fuck he saw next. It was someone that looked a hell of a lot like his girlfriend wearing sunglasses even though it was night. She had super-fast reflexes, disarmed Gordon of his rifle in about 5 seconds, and blocked every single one of Gordon’s kicks, jabs, and left and right hooks, like they were nothing. She wasn’t intimidated at all when Gordon pulled out his knife. She dealt with it in less time than it’d taken her to disarm him of his gun. 

The moves she used were the ones she used with Dean during training, but she was really fast. He knew she held out on him when they trained, so that she didn’t hurt him, but . . . either what she was doing is was what she always did when she fought against monsters, and it looked a hell of a lot more badass when she was up against a human, or something was off. She kicked Gordon’s ass and knocked him out in about a minute, and she wasn’t really a fighter unless she had to be. She was a weapons kind of girl. Then she was cutting the ropes that bound Dean and helping him stand before she started dragging him towards the front door without giving him time to process any of it. 

“Where’s –“ 

She pushed Dean forward and kept him from heading back to look for Sam. “Sam’s not here. He’s safe. We won’t be if Gordon wakes up before we’re gone.” 

_Beth did all that on her own?_ There’s no way anyone could be in that many places that fast . . . maybe some of the things Gordon was saying he’d heard about her were right. Maybe Dean did need to start looking into nephilim a little more. Dean pulled back to stop her from taking him any further and shouted, “Don’t get me wrong . . . I’m glad you’re not dead and all, but what the fuck was that?” 

She paused, and then movement caught her eye behind him, so she grabbed him again and took off . . . guess Gordon was awake. They could talk about this later. It took them about 30 minutes to lose Gordon well enough that Dean felt confident in calling Sam and telling him where to pick them up. Beth wasn’t saying much of anything, but at least she’d gotten rid of the sunglasses, so she didn’t look like Blade anymore . . . She seemed kind of tired and worn down. Dean would wait until they were out of this town to find out what was going on with her, but he wanted answers, and he wanted them tonight.

When Sam pulled up in the Impala, it looked like that Ava chick was still with them. She was driving her own car, but Sam said something about following her home to make sure she got there all right. They’d been on the road for about 20 minutes when Sam asked, “Have you taken care of your arm yet, Beth?” 

Beth briefly looked away from the window to look at Sam. “No, it’s only about 3 hours to Peoria. It can wait until after she’s home and filling out wedding invitations.” 

Dean glanced at Sam before asking him what happened to her arm, and Sam gave him an annoyed look before he exclaimed, “He shot her! She didn’t tell you?” 

_Didn’t seem to bother her back at the house._ “I’m sure it’s fine, Sam. She –“ 

Paige interrupted him from the backseat. “No, it’s not fine . . . Sam was wearing her blood all over his clothes half the day, because she was standing right next to him when it happened . . . She wouldn’t let me give her stitches, because she just had to go save you on her own.” Looked like he wasn’t the only one getting tired of Beth’s bullshit, and she handled it by pulling out her iPod and putting her headphones on again. Awesome. Dean thought about taking it and smashing it or throwing it out the window . . . The next time they stopped, he was taking it anyway.

3 hours felt like 3 days by the time they got there, and the tension was palpable. Beth was not going to have an easy time when she came back from walking Ava to the door . . . didn’t know why she felt the need to do that. Dean hadn’t thought that she particularly liked Ava. Maybe it was another way for her to buy time before the inevitable. Paige she sat up to look over the back of the seat and asked, “What’s going on with her?” 

“Uh, she’s just dealing with a lot at the moment . . . She should be able to handle it however she wants, so you two need to back off after I stich her arm. I just want her to take better care of herself,” Sam answered. 

That wasn’t what Dean had thought Sam was going to say. Maybe the tension was coming from him and Paige? “I don’t know, Sam. You didn’t see her with Gordon. She kicked his ass, like he was rookie. Something is definitely going on with her.” 

Sam’s eyes narrowed while he said, “I told you that she is at a whole other level than we thought . . . maybe more things are coming back to her. I just think the last thing you should be doing is jumping on her case.” 

Dean looked out the driver’s side window and muttered, “Or maybe she’s not all human.” 

Sam slapped Dean’s arm with the back of his hand to get his attention and said, “Gordon wasn’t just aiming at me earlier, was he? So, a demon said some crap about us to him, and what Gordon told you it said is getting to you? Good to know you’d turn your back on your girlfriend of almost 12 years because of something that psycho says . . . wonder when you’ll do the same thing to me,” before he opened the door and got out to go see what was taking Beth so long. 

“What’d you mean by ‘not all human?’” Paige asked a few minutes later. 

“Her Dad’s an archangel,” Dean answered, because there was no point in denying it anymore. Paige had been on the road with them long enough that she knew something was different about Beth’s Dad. 

“So, Beth’s half-angel?” 

_Well, the last I checked that’s how having kids works, so yeah, she’s half-angel no matter how anyone wants to pretend like she’s all-human._ “Yeah . . . guess they took the part out of her that gives angels their power . . . so it’s not like she can do anything that angels do. Makes her mostly human,” Dean said distractedly while he watched Sam come back out of the house in a hurry. 

Dean was out of the car before Sam got there, and Sam said, “You’ve gotta come see this,” before he turned and started jogging towards the house. Sam led the way upstairs, like it was okay for him to be walking around some stranger’s house. Something must be wrong, or Sam wouldn’t do that. 

Dean didn’t hear Beth or Ava talking. He didn’t hear anyone talking or any noise at all. He stopped out in the hall when they got to the bedroom, but Sam walked right on in, like it was an okay thing to do, so Dean followed him and stopped again when he saw the body on the bed. There was arterial spray on the ceiling and walls. The sheets were covered in blood. A cut like that would kill someone fast enough . . . couple of minutes. The blood hadn’t dried yet, so it was fresh enough, but the guy was dead, as in no hope of coming back, dead. 

There was a crack in the wall . . . maybe the fight started in here? Dean thought he saw one downstairs too. Maybe the fight started downstairs and moved up here? He needed to go look at the other one and see if he could piece together what happened. “Sam, stay here and see if you can find anything.” Dean turned to walk back out the bedroom door, but was blocked by Paige who had apparently decided not to stay in the car. Dean tried to get her out of here before she had to see her first fresh body, but she looked past him and saw it anyway. Gasping, she said, “Did Beth do this?” 

What? Dean stopped and looked down at her, but Sam beat him to the punch. 

“Why would you think that Beth did this?” 

Paige’s eyes stayed glued to the body while she answered, “Well, if she’s half-angel, and that Gordon guy was trying to kill her . . . Maybe that means what she is . . . I don’t know. Maybe she’s a bad thing. I mean –“ 

Sam moved away from the body and shouted at a Dean. “So, we’re just telling anyone now? Let me guess. You thought the same thing. Well, why don’t you go look at the windowsill? Maybe you can explain to Paige why I know that The Demon or demons working for him did it before they took Beth along with Ava.” Then he stormed past Dean and Paige. Dean didn’t look at Sam. Didn’t look at Paige either. He went to the window to confirm what Sam had said, and once he saw the sulphur, decided to just focus on that. 

Hadn’t once thought that Beth murdered this guy . . . He hadn’t really gotten past the idea that there’d been a fight and now this guy was dead. If he was honest, he thought maybe Ava had done this, because she was one of those psychics. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do now. Mostly, he felt like standing here and staring at the sulphur until he saw Sam’s flashlight on the lawn outside looking for clues and decided to watch that to help him focus on what to do. 

He kind of got them taking Ava . . . the reaping of the psychic soldiers was starting before anymore ended up dead because of hunters, like Gordon or them, but why would the demons take Beth? Were they going to hand her over to the angels? Did her Dad tell her this was going to happen? Is that why she’d been off lately? There was only one way to find that out. Something told Dean that they weren’t going to get anything here that would really tell them which way to go, so he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and stalked back towards the bedroom door, while he called Gabriel. 


	47. No Help

“So, let me get this straight. You know where she is, but you won’t tell me, because she’s doesn’t want your help? I’m asking for your help. Since when is that not enough?” 

Gabriel gave Dean a look before he turned to go into the other room. “Sam, keep him out of my way for a while.” 

He stopped in his tracks when Dean said, “Did you know this was going to happen? Is that why she’s been so off, lately? Did you –“ 

Gabriel turned and stalked back over to him saying, “I just told her the truth on who she is and what she’s doing here . . . racist,” before he turned back around and stomped out of the room. Dean gave Sam a confused look, and Sam laughed before going over to take a seat on the couch across from the couch Paige was sitting on. 

When Dean went to sit next to him, Sam said, “Nuh uh, go sit next to Paige. I’m not sitting next to either one of you in case he comes back and decides to smite you two for whatever it is you’ve been thinking about Beth being half-angel.” 

Is that why Gabriel had been giving Paige a hard time, since they got here? “What? She is. I don’t –“

Sam laughed again when a beer showed up in his hand out of thin air. “Keep telling yourself that and thinking that it makes Gordon right for wanting to hunt her, Dean. I’m liking being Gabriel’s favorite at the moment.” 

Dean quickly exclaimed, “I never said-“ 

“You didn’t? So, what you said about her not being human, and you being you and not having a tolerance for anything that isn’t human, didn’t mean anything by it? Gordon was hunting her, and you didn’t say anything to her or me about it. I had to figure it out on my own, and she still doesn’t know. You were so pissed off at her for not talking to you about what’s been going on with her lately and at the way she kicked Gordon’s ass that you didn’t even notice that she was hurt. Face it, Dean. It’s a problem, and I’m guessing it’s why you took off when you found out what she was a few months ago too.” 

Dean started pacing. “You know she said the same thing before –“ 

Sam laughed again, and when Dean turned around to look at him, he saw a plate of mini-pies sitting in Sam’s lap. “Don’t you think it’s a little childish for a billion year old angel to –“

Sam picked up a mini-pie while he shook his head. “No, I don’t. That billion year old angel is insulted on his daughter’s behalf, and he’s letting you know it. I’m guessing that he wants to know why you really want to find her if you are fine with other hunters trying to take her out . . . and you can deny it all you want, but her Dad being Gabriel is why you broke things off with Beth. We could’ve stayed at her Dad’s with her until you found out from him what you had to do to keep her safe yourself, but instead, you took off, and that’s not like you. You’re always going on about having her back no matter what, and a few angels scared you off? Come on. It’s because you freaked out about who her Dad is and what that makes her.”

Dean huffed and started pacing again. “That’s awesome. Did you two have a little meeting on –“ 

Sam chuckled and said, “If she told you the same thing I just did, she came to it all on her own,” before he got more serious and added, “I probably should have figured it out sooner, but maybe I didn’t want to think that you would turn your back on her like that. I mean this is still the same girl who gave up her entire future to be with you, and you threw her away. Sure, you regretted it and went back to her, but now you’re pissed that she knows Gabriel’s an angel and seems to be embracing it instead of being ashamed of it. Whatever she’s been working through the last few weeks isn’t Gabriel being her Dad. It’s something else. Something big that she doesn’t think you can handle, and why would she? You took off on her the last time you found out anything real about her. You’re the one who’s being a jerk. She hasn’t changed at all.” 

“She has. You didn’t see her with Gordon. She –“ 

Sam waved that away by saying, “Yeah, the knocking and the thuds . . . ever stop to think that she put something in place, like a rope or a stack of boxes, so she could climb onto the roof before she knocked the first time, then climbed onto the roof, tore out the boards, hopped down, threw a brick or something through the window to make it seem like someone was up there and then ran around to knock on the front door to remind Gordon that if he wanted to keep you, he had to stay there no matter what, so she could make as much noise upstairs in a rickety house as she wanted?” Dean paused, and Sam shook his head while he focused on picking up another mini-pie. “What’d you think she grew wings and started flying around the place?” 

“Funny, smart guy! Take you the whole drive here to come up with that one?” 

Sam quickly looked up at him and laughed in disbelief. “Oh my god, you totally thought that’s what she did. 11 ½ years, and you think your girlfriend has wings.”

Paige broke into the conversation and said, “Is he really a billion years old?” 

Sam gave her a mildly disgusted look, because he was still pissed that she thought Beth could’ve done that to Ava’s fiancé. “Well, if he’s been around since creation, and the universe is 14 billion years old, than he’s over 14 billion years old.” 

Paige took a deep breath and looked out towards the kitchen. “And Beth’s his first daughter?” 

Sam shrugged. “First one I think he’s claimed as his, but she’s definitely the first one he’s raised.” Paige asked why Sam thought that, and Sam went back to focusing on his pie before saying, “He’s always seemed like a first time parent. He’s proud of her for everything she’s ever done. There are pictures around here somewhere of her when she was 4 or 5 with a cake he made to celebrate her learning how to tie her shoe and another one he made for her learning how to ride her bike. Don’t even get me started on all the stuff he gave her to celebrate her getting straight A’s. The most I’ve ever seen him do to punish her is ground her from things. She had curfew of 11 o’clock when she was 16, because she got caught blowing up the neighbor’s garage, not for blowing the garage up, but letting the neighbor see her. If she’d been caught by the cops in Baltimore or left any evidence that she’d been there for them to find, he probably would’ve gotten her out of trouble and then taken her HK P30, since it’s her favorite.” 

Gabriel came into the room and said, “I wouldn’t take something she needs. If she’d been caught, I probably wouldn’t have let her go on the next 10 hunts.” 

Paige started to laugh until she saw that Gabriel was being serious. “You can’t be serious. She’s an adult. You –“ 

Gabriel gave her a slight glare to let her know he meant business. “There is nothing more important than her not getting caught by anyone or anything.” 

Dean looked down at Gabriel and said, “Yeah? What’s the penalty going to be for her being caught by a demon tonight?” 

Gabriel looked past Dean at Sam. “Sam, you want to tell him how many demons were there?” 

Sam looked up from his plate and answered, “Uh, at least 4. There were cracks in the walls where they threw her, but there was blood splatter on the floors and on the wall near each of the cracks. It could be hers, but I don’t think it was. I think she killed 2 of the demons and a third grabbed her just as she was killing the second one in the bedroom upstairs. If her attention hadn’t been on something like killing another one, she would’ve found a way to kill it too. The 4th one grabbed Ava and got rid of the meat suits before we went in to check things out.” 

Gabriel bobbed his head from side to side and then said, “It was unavoidable. She was outnumbered, and she’s still learning. Won’t be long before she’ll be able to handle twice that many without breaking much of a sweat, but then she was a little drained from tapping into her soul to deal with Gordon, so that might’ve made her a little slower too. It’s definitely why she didn’t feel like talking much after that. It drains her emotionally as much as it does physically.” 

Dean didn’t get a chance to ask what that meant, because Sam sat forward and did it for him. “What do you mean tapped into her soul?” 

“Well, according to Dean, she was wearing sunglasses when she fought with Gordon. If she was, then it’s because I told her that when she taps into her soul, her eyes change color. She was testing it out to see if she could really do it and trying to hide it from Gordon if she didn’t know he was hunting her already.” 

Sam put his hand up to silence Dean from any other questions and asked with genuine interest, “What does her being able to do that mean, and how does she do it?” 

Gabriel shrugged. “The human soul is extremely powerful. Each one is worth the power of a hundred suns, and she knows how to access that power to help her fight faster and smarter. She knows how to do that, because after what my brother did to her, the only way she could keep her soul from disintegrating into nothing is by severing her thoughts from her feelings. It put her mind in charge, so she could focus on holding herself together on a molecular level . . . wisdom and justice are the strongest parts of her soul. She accesses the power through the part responsible for wisdom, but she couldn’t do that if she felt any emotions when she does it.” 

Sam nodded, like that made sense and said, “So, she really is more Zen than most people.” Gabriel smiled and snapped his fingers before a chicken ceasar salad showed up in a bowl on Sam’s lap, and Sam looked genuinely happy to see it. 

Dean finally snapped and shouted, “How the hell does any of this help us find her? If you won’t help her because she doesn’t want your help, then why the fuck aren’t you telling us where she is, so we can?” 

With barely bridled anger, Gabriel replied, “If she sticks this out, she is exactly where you want her to be. You’ve been with her almost every single day for 11 ½ years. What does it matter if you don’t see her for the next 5 months?” 

_5 months?_ Dean balked at that, and Gabriel added, “She’s got this covered. Think of it as a training ground for her to be as good as I know she can be.” 

Dean took a step closer and said threateningly, “Why the hell won’t you tell me where she is?” When all Gabriel did was arch an eyebrow at him in response, Dean turned around and stormed out of the house. He needed to clear his head. He needed to drive.


	48. Waking Up In No Man's Land

“Hey, you okay?” I felt someone shaking me, and my eyes slowly blinked open. Things were a little blurry at first, but once my eyes focused, I saw a guy who looked like he’d been living rough on the streets for a while kneeling in front of me and a punk rocker chick standing behind him. I didn’t know them. I sat up and looked around. _Why the hell am I in a derelict saloon?_ The place was covered in dust and cobwebs. The windows were boarded over. _Where the hell am I? God, I don’t know what’s going on right now, but I think I could use some help . . . I’m not asking to get out of this place if these people need my help, but –_

My weapons bag, my sniper rifle bag, and angel blade showed up next to me, and the guy fell on his ass backpedaling to get away from me. The girl didn’t seem too bothered by it and crossed her arms over her chest before she asked, “What else can you do?” 

_What else can I do? Ava had seemed like those demons target. Maybe these two have powers too?_ “A lot of things, but none of the things you can do . . . and I didn’t make these things show up. My back up did. Can’t tell you who my back up is until I get you out of here and some place safe.” I tried to stand and wished I’d taken Sam up on his offer to take care of my arm before all this happened. It felt really stiff now. At least it was my left arm, I guess.

Taking my jacket off, I put it on top of the counter before I rolled up the three-quarter sleeve on my black and white Ramones t-shirt. It was mine, but I hadn’t been wearing it when I was taken. I’m guessing that it was God’s way of letting me know that I had more work to do on getting this girl onside than I did the guy. She took one look at my shirt and relaxed a little, so I guess it worked. 

The guy took a step closer and asked, “Do you know what’s going on? Why we’re here?” 

I pulled out some holy water from my bag and used it clean off my wound before I pulled out a spare roll of gauze I kept in my weapons bag and said, “I know what I am and what you are, but I don’t know why we’re here.” 

I flicked my eyes in his direction when he said, “What we are? What –“ 

“I know you have powers. They probably started about about 15 months ago. They were probably accompanied by headaches. I know that the man with the yellow eyes, who has probably been plaguing you in your dreams and keeps finding a way to get into your head, is really a demon, and he is the one responsible for bringing us here. He wants you to do bad things with your powers. I’ve met one psy kid, who could use telekinesis, and he killed his Dad and Uncle with them . . . He’s dead. He killed himself. Uh, I’ve met two who could mind control non-psy kids into doing what they want them to do. One of them was good, but his evil twin used his powers to make the doctor who delivered him walk in front of a bus and their birth Mom pour gasoline all over herself and then light herself on fire. He’s dead. I killed him. He liked doing it. He wouldn’t have stopped. There was no way to convict him . . . In case you’re wondering if I’ll do the same to you, I won’t. Neither one of you has killed. I have a way of knowing that. I’m not disclosing what it is at this time, but I will tell you that, I am a hunter. I hunt things, like demons and ghosts and vampires and werewolves and wraiths and just about any other kind of monster out there, but I only kill the bad ones, and if you want to make it out of wherever this is, I am your safest bet. If you want to save your families, don’t kill anyone, and I will teach you what you need to know to do that before I find a way to send you home. What else? Oh, my name is Beth Foley.” 

I finished tying off the gauze around my arm and looked at them when neither one said anything. When I pulled the sleeve back down over my arm, the guy grinned and started to say, “You’re crazy. I mean, I thought I was bad, but –“ 

Slipping my jacket back on, I said, “You’re not crazy, and neither am I. I know that you know what I meant when I said what I said about the man with yellow-eyes. I’m guessing he is part of the reason you’ve been living on the streets. He wants you to do some pretty nasty things to other people, and you wanted to get as far away from your family as you could to keep them safe in the even that you went off. The yellow-eyed demon’s name is Azazel by the way. I think it takes the fear away from something if you give it a name.” 

The guy looked freaked out and sat on the stool behind him before putting his head in his hands. It was kind of obvious that I hit the nail on the head with that one based on his reaction, so the girl said I had to be like them if I knew personal things like that. “Maybe you’re the one we need to be protected from.” 

I looked her in the eye to try and convey I was telling the truth and replied, “Not unless you start killing, and I will do everything in my power to keep you from having to do that. Leave it to me. Even if I only kill monsters so I can save people, I’m still a killer. I don’t want either of you to become one. Once you give into it and start killing people, I don’t know if you guys can come back from it, just like an alcoholic that has his first drink and can’t stop at one . . . Here drink this, and then we need to set up a base.”

I tossed her a bottle of the salted holy water I’d used to clean my arm, and she looked at it. When it became obvious she wasn’t going to drink it, I took it back, drank some and then handed it to her with an insistent look, so she gave in on it. She made a face, because of the salt and then handed it to the guy who took it and examined it too. He eventually gave in on it when he saw me and the girl weren’t going to die and then handed it back. 

“It’s salted holy water. I had to see if you were possessed. I have one more test for you to do, but that can wait until we set up a perimeter down here.” Grabbing a 5-pound bag of rock salt out of my weapons bag, I went to a windowsill to pour out a salt line and then went back and handed the salt to the girl. “Do the same thing at all the windows and doors. It’ll keep the demons out. We don’t have to do it for the entire building. Just this room should be enough as long as we get it across the doorways. While you’re doing that, I’m going to do something else.” All she did was stare at the bag of salt in her hand, and the guy got up from his stool and took it from her, so he could do it.

I didn’t think we had any time to waste, so I got to work spray-painting a devil’s trap on the ceiling above each of the entrances and the windows. It was a little tricky with the cracks between the boards, but I found a way around that by cutting off the upholstery on the backs of the chairs and painting solid devil’s traps on the backside of those. Then I had to figure out how to get them to stay on the ceiling. I used the tacks that had held the upholstery in place on the chairs and used the back of one of my ceremonial axes to hammer the upholstery into the ceiling. I guess axes could be useful for something. 

When I was done, I said, “I need you two to go stand under one.” They looked like they weren’t sure where this was going, but hesitantly did it. “Okay, walk back over here.” They looked at each other and then gave me a weird look, so I smiled. “Final test.” They both walked back over, and I exhaled briefly in relief. “If someone can’t get out of one of those, there’s a demon inside of them. Keep an eye on the salt lines. A human working for the demons could come in here and break them. That’s the last thing you want. Here’s an exorcism. Memorize it while I’m out. Memorize the devil’s trap and memorize this symbol.” I drew an anti-possession symbol on the page of my notebook with the exorcism I wanted them to learn on it and then said, “If a person’s wearing that, he or she won’t get possessed . . . Keep that in mind for you and your loved ones when you get out of here. I have a tattoo of it, but a charm will work unless the demon goes through a person’s pockets and takes it.” 

The girl started to ask if I really had a tattoo of it, and I silenced her by lifting the bottom of my shirt and pulling down the front of my jeans a little, so she could see the one I had on over the front of my hipbone. She nodded, so I turned to pick up my weapons bag and grabbed my thigh sheath my Dad had given to me, so I could strap it around my leg and put my angel blade into it.

While I did that, the guy said, “Wait, where are you going? And why haven’t you asked what we can do yet?” 

I smiled and replied, “I’ll come up with X-men names for you when I get back. I need to see if I can find anybody else. My adopted little brother has powers too, so he might be here. At the very least, I need to figure out where we are. I’ll be back. Just keep yourselves occupied by doing what I said. I’ll show you some demon wards when I get back. If you learn all that, then when you go home, you’ll be able to protect your friends, families or anyone else Azazel might want to use against you. I’m pretty sure you can’t use your powers against him. I’m not sure about other demons. Knowledge is the only power you really need to protect yourselves and anyone close to you.” 

The guy lifted the palm of his hand, and a little flame appeared just above it. _Guess he wants his X-men name now._ “How do you know I won’t burn this place to the ground while you’re gone?” 

I took a couple of steps closer to look at the flame. “Can you control it?” He looked at his hand and closed it into a fist to make the flame disappear before he nodded, so I said, “Well, then I guess it depends on whether or not you want to be Pyro, a villain, or the Human Torch, a superhero. Azazel can get in your head, but he can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.” 

He nodded to let me know he understood, and the girl said, “What if it’s something we want to do?” 

The guy quickly looked at her and then at me. “You can’t leave me with her. If she –“

She looked at him and responded drily, “I didn’t say I would. I just asked what if it was something we wanted to do. You left everyone you know to keep them safe from you. I think that’s because there’s a part of you that wanted to do it.” 

He ducked his head, and I didn’t think he needed anyone to knock his confidence on being able to keep himself good, so I said, “But the part that didn’t want to hurt anyone is bigger than the part that does, or he wouldn’t have taken off. If one of you kills the other one, then I will hunt you down and put you down myself . . . and I am very good at my job. How’s that as a motivation for not killing each other?” I paused, and he at least nodded, so I continued. “And, uh, if you stay here, Azazel can’t get to you except through whatever this telepathic link is that he has to you. If you go out there, you could meet him face to face. I’d also advise against you going to sleep. And if anyone else shows up here, watch them . . . protect each other, and don’t just trust anyone you meet. Like I said, you two haven’t killed anyone yet, but that doesn’t mean the others haven’t.” 

They nodded, so I pulled a sawn off shotgun out of my weapons bag and made sure it was loaded before I held it up and said, “Do either of you know how to use this?” They both shook their head, so I went back over to them and explained how to use it before I pulled out a few more shells and put them on the bar next to the shotgun. “These shells are full of rock salt. Rock salt is good at getting rid of spirits for a couple of minutes and stings demons, but it won’t kill people. If anyone comes in here and is a problem, shoot them with this, and then work together to knock them out and tie them up with these handcuffs, but don’t kill them or use your powers to do it. You’ll have more control over your actions if you do it the old fashioned way.” 

Running his hand through his hair, the guy said, “You want us to shoot people? I can’t believe this is happening.” 

I put my hand on his shoulder to get his attention. “Only if they attack you, and you have to be careful, because you may not even know they’re attacking until it’s too late. I have no idea what most of you can do, so don’t let anyone touch you either.” 

The girl came over to pick up the shotgun and said, “We’ve got this. Go do what you have to do.” I gave her a nod and headed outside. My plan was to stay in the shadows and have a good look around. It didn’t look like we were in a town teeming with people. It seemed pretty deserted. It also seemed like the place had been uninhabited since the 1800s. I guess that explained the saloon. 

_Uhh, Archangel Gabriel? Is that what I should say when I do this? Seems kind of weird, but I don’t think I could just pray, ‘Dad,’ and have it go straight to you though. I’m not even sure if this is going straight through to you now. Hopefully other angels can’t hear this. Just in case they can, I’m not telling you where I am. I don’t think it’s safe for you or me if you do. Anyway, I’m okay for now. I met two new psy kids. I don’t know their names yet. One of them can shoot fire out of his hands, but he seems harmless, and the other is a girl. I don’t know what she can do. I gave them a safe haven in the saloon and am out exploring the town. Hopefully they don’t kill each other while I’m gone, but I’m looking for others . . . uh, I see Ava. My feeling is that I should steer clear of her for now. It looks like she has another guy next to her. I’m steering clear of him too. I think he’s definitely fried at least a few people, but he’s not completely bad. He hasn’t killed Ava yet, so . . . uhh, I’ll get back to you Dad. Right now, I’m looking at a very bad psy kid. Gotta go._

_I don’t know how many of them were in this town, but now we were down by two. One of them walked out in front of Ava and that other guy. He had a really dark soul, but I didn’t even have to do anything, because the guy with Ava shot electricity out of his hands and killed him. Then a little girl appeared behind Spark Plug and tore him to shreds. The little girl smoked out when she was done, but it left Ava alone._

__A demon without a meat suit just happens to be in the area and decided to intervene?_ Ava seemed a little shaken by it, like she hadn’t known that was going to happen, but she didn’t seem all that scared by it either. She wasn’t looking around for the demon to see if it was coming up behind her. She mostly just looked at the two bodies in the middle of the street, like she was trying to work out what’d happened. _

_Are demons appearing her fear response? . . . I don’t know, but she definitely had something to do with that._ I had to get back to the saloon before she figured out that she was the one who got that demon involved if she didn’t already know. That had been an accident, but who knew whether or not she’d start using it now. 

_Uh, Dad . . . archangel Gabriel. I know we talked about this as a nuclear option. You said this universe is different than ours, so he doesn’t know me and never has . . . he’s a totally different person, so he could kill me on sight, and I’m guessing that means he wouldn’t do that in our universe. I may need to push that button if I want to keep you out of this and keep God as a back up for smaller things that come up . . . I think I know a way I can keep him on side if I have to go that way. I may wait and see how this goes first, but I’m here alone . . . I guess we’ll see. All I know is that when I told God, I needed help . . . not to be taken out of here if these people needed my help, but help . . . He gave me my weapons, so . . . I think that means He wants me to help some of them. Wish me luck._


	49. Soul Searching

Dean didn’t know how long he’d been gone, but it had been close to half a day. When he found a quiet place to park that didn’t look too bad, he pulled in, so he could have some peace. It was dark. Felt like it was always dark. Never felt like it was quiet though. Resting his head on the steering wheel, Dean thought about it and came to the conclusion that he hadn’t left Beth because of what her Dad was. 

Sure, Gabriel taking him across the world and seeing those wings . . . that was not something Dean had been prepared to see. It’d made him feel small and insignificant and had made him think that if that’s what he was up against, the only one who could protect Beth was her Dad. He hadn’t wanted anything like what happened to her when the angels had her the last time to happen to her again. And those prophecies said he and Beth were supposed to be together. If he was as far away from her as possible, then Dean had thought it would better her odds.

He hadn’t thought it through. He’d just reacted, and he’d made a mistake. She was his soul mate. He loved her, and he’d never turn his back on her for any reason other than to keep her safe. But . . . Maybe there was some truth to some of the other things Sam had said. 

Ever since he’d got back with her, Dean had been waiting for her to find out her Dad was an archangel. He’d been prepared to tell her that it didn’t matter to him if she had a problem with it, but she hadn’t said anything to him about it. Instead she cozied up to her Dad and was having secret training sessions with him, and she wasn’t telling Dean anything. They were supposed to be partners. It’d made him feel like he was losing her. Her dying or being taken away wasn’t the same as her willfully walking away. 

And if he was really being honest with himself, maybe he had been more than a little freaked out by the way she’d been with Gordon. He hadn’t thought she could fly, but he’d definitely thought she did something freaky to pull that off, and he hadn’t been wrong. She’d accessed the power of her soul. Why didn’t she just tell him that? Dean would’ve thought that if she could do something like that, she would’ve been excited to tell him, but he’d gotten nothing. 

She still talked to him after he pulled her out of that fire in Stanford, and she’d been wrecked then. She’d still talked to him in her head when she was dying in that motel room in Iowa, and she’d been in even worse shape then . . . He wasn’t buying what Gabriel said about her being too drained to talk after she got a power boost from her soul. She just hadn’t wanted to tell him . . . Okay, maybe she knew he was pissed off and freaked out if she could feel what he was feeling, and they were on the run from Gordon until they got to the car, and then Paige was there, so maybe she hadn’t wanted to say anything in front of her . . . Paige . . . He had fucked up in a major way when he let Paige know about Beth’s Dad, and he couldn’t take that back. 

He didn’t even know why he said it. He was always getting on Sam’s case about it . . . why did he feel the need to say anything to Paige? He didn’t know. All Dean knew was that he refused to believe it was because of what Sam said. He’d let vampires go a few months ago. He wasn’t totally intolerant of things that weren’t human . . . not that Beth was a thing. He wouldn’t care about losing her if he really felt the way Sam said . . . and not once did he ever say or think that Gordon should be hunting her. That’s not why he hadn’t said anything. The ride there, he’d been thinking about other things and getting more and more pissed off that he didn’t know what was going on.

A pang of guilt hit when he remembered thinking that maybe Gordon was right about her, but that hadn’t meant he wanted her dead or thought there was something wrong with her, did it? No. It didn’t. It couldn’t. He didn’t want the angels to find her, and she’d go straight to them if she died . . . he didn’t want to live without her either. He wouldn’t turn his back on her. He just wouldn’t. Sam was wrong. 

Paige, on the other hand . . . Paige knew Beth really well, but she’d still thought that Beth had slit Ava’s fiance’s throat. She only thought that because of how he’d been in the car, and Dean decided that he’d only been that way because he was frustrated and scared of losing Beth. And he didn’t care what anyone thought. He’d never once thought that Beth killed Ava’s fiancé. 

Part of him did think that Beth had let herself be taken though. Why the hell did she walk Ava to the door? It was out of character. He guessed he’d have to wait until after he found her to find out. He wasn’t going back until he did.


	50. Coming Up with a Plan

_Uh, Castiel, Angel of the Lord, I need your help. The Archangel Gabriel told me that you would give it to me if I really needed it . . . even if you haven’t been on Earth for thousands of years. I can’t tell you where I am, because I don’t know, and I can’t tell you who I am, because it isn’t safe for you or me to know that as long as you’re in Heaven. I’m asking God to bring you directly to me, vessel and all in . . . 6 hours . . . He’ll send you to your vessel in . . . 3 hours if you haven’t gone to start convincing your vessel to accept you before that, and as long as you don’t tell your superiors or anyone else that you have been contacted by anyone or that you’ll be coming to Earth, I expect to see you in 6 hours. Bring your angel blade. You’ll need it. If you don’t show up, I’ll know you told and are untrustworthy. If you do show up, then you’ll know God is on my side._

There, a double prayer to Castiel and God. Let’s see if that works. The more I thought about it, the more I thought it would be helpful to have someone, like an angel, around to send these people home to their friends and family. Maybe the only way to keep these psychic kids good was by letting them know their friends and family couldn’t be hurt or killed by Azazel if they didn’t do what he wanted them to do. If they went home, they could protect their friends and family with the things I was teaching them. 

I couldn’t ask my Dad to come here. I was pretty sure Azazel would notice him arriving based on the massive change in power in the area, but an angel that wasn’t an archangel? Maybe that wouldn’t draw as much attention. Also, maybe the whole point of bringing me here was for Azazel to trap my Dad . . . I would not let that trap be sprung by him . . . a third party angel could do that . . . if it was powerful enough to spring said unknown trap.

“So, now you want us to tape the salt down? What are you drawing on the walls now?” the punk rocker chick asked me as I went to the walls, spray can at the ready. 

“These are the demon wards I told you I’d teach you to keep demons out.” 

I heard the guy say, “But I thought the things on the ceiling and the salt on the windows and doors would be enough.” 

I paused in painting and turned to look at them. “Those are a good start, but we’re dealing with humans and demons here. Humans can get past all of these things, so they could come in here and mess up the salt lines without us knowing, or mess up the devil’s traps, and I guess the demon wards too, so that’s why we’re not telling anyone who comes here what these are or what they do. I just saw one guy kill another guy out there by shooting electricity out of his hands, and then I saw that Ava girl summon a demon to rip Spark Plug into pieces. I don’t think she meant to do it. She was just scared, but now she knows what she can do. Demons and humans working together is a scenario that is even more likely than I thought before I left to check out this town, and we’re the only three left other than her now. I know there have to be more psy kids out there. For starters, Sam’s not here. Neither is Andy, another guy I know. I’m not sure when the next batch is set to arrive, but we need a secure location. I think I’ll have to do something upstairs too just to be on the safe side. What are your guys’ names by the way?” 

“Jackson.”

Jackson and I looked at the girl, and she reluctantly said, “Annie.” 

“Hopefully, I have a lift out of here for you. It just won’t be here for another 4 hours. We need to stay awake, stay alert, not kill anyone, and if that ride doesn’t show up, I have another way to get you out of here.” 

Annie moved to another window with the tape roll I’d given to her and said, “Who is going to give us this lift out of here? I can’t get any cell reception. Guessing you can’t either.” 

Nope. No cell reception here either. _Uh, well . . . God, I know I have a prayer request in and you don’t do more than one at a time, but technically it doesn’t kick in for another 3 hours. This might sound ridiculous, and I hope you don’t think that I think you’re just a delivery boy, but I think I need to build up some good will with these two. I’m not exactly winning them over with my personality. I can’t seem to get out of hunter mode, and maybe that’s a good thing if I want to keep them alive and on a good path, but maybe it’s also making me come off too abrasive? Think maybe you could get them some food? Whatever their favorite things are?_

Seconds later, there was some kind of wonton dish on the bar next to some spring rolls and dipping sauce, and next to that, there was a steak and baked potato dish with butter, sour cream, and chives. Behind each of those there were two big two-liter bottles. One was of Coke, and the other was Pepsi. _Thanks, God._

The smell from the food grabbed Jackson and Annie’s attention almost straight away, so I said, “I think I have your lift out of this place covered. Didn’t need a phone to get you take out, so uh . . . Go eat, and I’ll finish up the windows and doors. Then I’ll do the wards, and you can watch.” 

They glanced at each other, and Annie slowly walked over to the wantons before she threw me a wary look. “Where’s yours?” 

_Crap. She thinks I did something to it._ I went over to the bar, picked a wanton out of her bowl and ate it before I dipped one of her spring rolls in the sauce, took a bite out of it, and opened her bottle of Pepsi to drink some. When I was done, I went over to Jackson’s food, and he put his arm around his plate to block me. “Nuh uh . . . Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve had any kind of real food. No way am I giving any of it up just so you can prove you didn’t poison it. Think I’ll take my chances.” 

I smiled and said, “Works for me,” before I got the roll of tape off of Annie and got to work taping down the rest of the salt lines. 

By the time I finished taping the salt lines down, Jackson and Annie were only about halfway through their food, so I waited until they were done to start putting up the demon wards. They needed to learn how to do it, but I went through it pretty fast. We had to get these wards up while we could still see well enough to do it. The sun was going down.

I needed to figure out what we were going to do about light. We had to stay awake, which was harder to do in the dark, but I didn’t want to draw Ava’s attention to us . . . but then what if she came here, and I could keep her from becoming bad after I explained all of this to her? That kill she got was a complete accident. That’s not the same as intentionally killing someone. I guess we should chance some flashlights. Jackson and Annie wouldn’t stay awake after the day they’d had and the meal they’d just eaten any other way anyway in a pitch black room . . . Plus, I didn’t necessarily want to guard a place when I couldn’t see. 

“Uh, here’s a pack of cards and a spare flashlight. I’m going upstairs to put wards on the walls up there.” I gave Jackson the flashlight and Annie the cards, and then I took my pocket flashlight, and left through the doorway at the back. I put wards on the walls in the next room, more on the walls going up the stairs, and around the rooms at the top. I had time, so I might as well use it to get this right, because I didn’t want this to become another Stanford. I didn’t have enough salt to go around, and demon wards would work even better than the salt. Salt was more or less a short-term solution until you could get the wards up, or if you were staying in a motel room and couldn’t go spray-painting the walls. Or at least it was these days after all the problems we’d had with demons. 

The demons at Ava’s house were the first ones we’d come across since John died though. Until now, Azazel had been pretty quiet. Where were the other psy kids? Why were there only 5 here? Why did that one have such a dark soul? I mean he must’ve killed about 15 people intentionally, but when did he start? My gut said he’d killed more like 4 before he got here, which meant he’d killed 9 people in this town. 

Ava and that guy didn’t seem like they knew him. How did the guy with Ava know to kill that guy as soon as he saw him? Did he have a look about him? I only saw him from the back. Maybe Thunder Bolt just liked Ava and had decided to kill anyone else they saw to protect her? Maybe he and Ava were new too, so they’d already bonded over that, and the other guy had been around longer? I didn’t see any bodies lying around the place when I was checking for other people. Where the hell did I fit into this? I didn’t have any damn powers, not that Jackson and Annie would know that with how much help I’d gotten from God so far. And why was He helping me so much?

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt a presence at my back. I spun to face it with my angel blade drawn, and might’ve almost given Jackson a heart attack. “Uh, sorry . . . Everything okay down there?” 

Relaxing enough to put my blade away, I waited for him to respond. His eyes didn’t leave my angel blade, even while he nodded and said, “I still can’t believe this is happening. I just thought, you know . . . if you want, I could give you more light if you want to get this done faster.” 

_So, he’s not thinking about taking my angel blade? I just really scared him. Does he have the other flashlight? What about Annie? Doesn’t she need it?_ “Yeah, sure . . . what about Annie? Do you think she’s all right downstairs on her own?” 

Jackson looked behind him towards the door and nodded. “Yeah, I think she’s got enough caffeine in her to keep her up for a while. She’s reading through your journal right now.” _Good idea on the copious amounts of sugary, caffeinated soft drinks, God._

Jackson lifted his palm, and a little flame appeared above it, and I smiled again. _That’s what he meant by more light._ “If your power was gone, would you miss it?” 

He shrugged and looked at his hand. “I don’t know. I’m getting used to it now. The headaches aren’t as bad as they were. It comes in useful when you need a fire to keep you warm, but if I could go home, I wouldn’t need a fire to do that.” I went back to spray-painting, and he said, “What do you think is going on here? I think you know more than you’re saying.” 

“I’m not entirely sure. I’m trying to work it out. I know that Azazel visited each of you on the day you turned 6 months old, and I know that you all started getting these powers at roughly the same time. I don’t know why yet.” 

He followed me to the next spot in the room and said, “This guy you killed. How’d you do it?” 

_Is he here on a fact-finding mission to see what I can do as far as powers go?_ “Sniper rifle.” 

I finished painting that ward, and he said, “How’d it make you feel?” 

_Why? Are we getting ideas?_ “Honestly . . . like the job was over. I don’t feel anything when I kill something evil. It’s something that has to be done to save other people, so I do it, and I don’t feel bad about it, but I don’t feel good about it either. I feel nothing, and as far as I was concerned, Weber was a monster. It kept Andy from having to kill him, and he’d been about 10 seconds away from doing that, because he’d picked up a handgun on the bridge. It’s the only way Andy could’ve saved the love of his life from being forced to jump off the bridge, so his reasons weren’t bad, but . . . I didn’t want him to kill anyone, because like I said, I don’t know what kind of a slippery slope that leads down for you guys . . . I did feel bad about one monster I killed. We were on a hunt for vampires a few months ago, and there was a hunter there that we’d never met. He was in town before us and told us to go, but we decided to stick around and follow him. He went to a mill and when we got there, he was fighting with one of the vampires. The vampire would’ve killed him . . . with a bandsaw, but it still would’ve killed him, and I took its head before it could. I found out later that it’d just been working a normal job to make money. The vampires in that town weren’t drinking human blood. They were living off of cattle in the area, and the other hunter had been killing them anyway. All they wanted was to be left alone, and they weren’t hurting anyone. I’m still pretty upset about it. After we got the other hunter away from the vampire at the mill, I guess maybe we could’ve let the vampire go, but I didn’t know the vampire wasn’t a normal vampire . . . I should’ve taken the time to figure it out. The only things dead in the town were dead cows and a headless girl, who we did an autopsy on and found was a vampire . . . I should’ve known.”

Jackson followed me to the last room and said, “I’m guessing coming across good monsters isn’t something you do often?” 

I shook my head. “They were the first ones in 11 ½ years, but it doesn’t matter. That vampire is dead because of me.” 

Jackson was quiet while I started spraying the first ward and then said, “Actually he was dead because of the other hunter though, right?” 

“I take full responsibility for the kill. Snuffing out something that was trying to be good is on me, because I’m the one who did it. What upsets me is that I fight against evil almost every single day, and I think there has to be more good in the world, but I took away a little bit of the light in the universe by doing what I did and made the universe a little bit darker . . . But the other hunter is definitely an ass. He’s the one who shot me yesterday.” 

He laughed until he saw I was being serious. “That’s what was wrong with your arm? So, hunters try to kill other hunters?” 

“I guess they do when they’re a bad shot and you’re standing next to a psy kid. He was aiming for Sam, but I think he was just as happy that he shot me. Can’t tell you why, because it’s not safe for me if the angel I’m expecting to come pick you up finds out.” 

Leaning closer, Jackson whispered, “An angel? They’re real?” 

Uh huh. You already know demons are.” 

“So, does that mean there’s a Heaven?” 

I carried on with painting the last symbol and said, “Yeah, and a Hell. Demons are human souls that have been tortured so much they turn into demons . . . or at least that’s what my Dad tells me.” 

When I finished and turned to look at him, Jackson exhaled and shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe this is happening.” 

_Yeah, I know. I’m hoping what I just told you will make it a little easier for you to stay good . . . Even if I don’t think that angels, and by that extension, Heaven, are all that good, most people do, and Hell is not somewhere you want to go._

Around the time I assume God was taking Castiel to his vessel’s house if Castiel hadn’t gone there on his own, Ava finally showed up. We were in the middle of playing a game of spoons, which was a lot harder to do when you were playing against someone who could use her telekinesis to take a spoon. Annie was the undisputed champ, and I hated losing. I hadn’t figured out how to cheat against her yet. Distracting her or pretending to talk to Jackson about something only worked a couple of times. 

I was standing behind the bar, so I could keep an eye on the entrances, which meant I was the first one to see Ava. Flicking the safety off on my gun, I kept my focus on the game, so nobody would notice, and said, “Hi, Ava.” Annie and Jackson turned in unison to look at her, and I grabbed a spoon. It was as good a moment as any. I’d been holding onto that 4 of a kind for a while. Jackson was the first one to notice what I’d done and grabbed the other spoon. Annie reluctantly dragged her attention away from Ava to look at the results and gave me an annoyed look. _That’s right . . . no big deal . . . we’re just playing a friendly game. Let me assess the situation._

I’ll give her one thing. Ava played the scared remarkably well. She had the tears and the ‘What are we doing here?’ and ‘What happened?’ and ‘How do we get out of here?’ down. I would have bought it if I hadn’t already seen her earlier in the day without all the tears and mostly fine. Shuffling the cards, I glanced in her general direction when she was done. “When did Azazel get to you? Was it after you fell asleep, or did he met up with you face to face?” 

Jackson and Annie looked from me to her. Maybe they’d been tempted to buy her story until then. I wasn’t worried that she would be able to hurt us. Her powers were to get a death vision or summon demons. A death vision wouldn’t hurt us, and her demons couldn’t get in here. We were locked down tight. She dropped the act fast enough, and based on the look of surprise followed quickly by fear that came over her face, she’d tried to summon a demon, and it hadn’t worked. I arched an eyebrow and said, “You’re on neutral turf. Your demon isn’t going to help you out here.” 

She took a step forward to confront me, and Annie and Jackson both tensed and got into protective stances, like they were about to strike. The last thing I needed was some kind of X-men vs. Brotherhood of Mutants showdown in my only safe haven, so I came around from the bar to separate them. Her anger was focused on me. “Where were you when they killed Brady?” 

_Based on the timing of your scream, I was downstairs killing the first demon._ “I’m sorry for your loss, Ava. I’m sorry that I told you to go upstairs and get your fiancé while I killed the demon blocking our exit. I should’ve gone with you. By the time I got up there, you and he were already gone. I’m here now though.” 

“Yeah, how is that?” 

The how was easy, the why wasn’t. “I killed another demon in your bedroom. While I was killing that one, two more showed up behind me. One of them knocked me out, and I don’t know what the other one did. If I hadn’t tired myself out fighting Gordon earlier in the night, and if I had taken care of my arm the way Sam wanted, they’d both be dead, but I think it worked out, because like I said, at least I’m here now. You don’t have to do whatever it is that Azazel wants you to do.” 

Squinting, Ava took a step closer and asked, “How did you know any of this was going to happen?” 

“I didn’t. Azazel only sends Sam visions when he wants him to get involved somehow, and I get that. Sam’s a hunter. He’s trained for this, so it makes sense to send Sam to deal with unruly psychics who are drawing too much attention to themselves before Azazel is ready to do whatever it is he wants with them . . . but you? You’re not trained for this. Azazel could’ve sent a vision to Sam, but he didn’t . . . Something didn’t add up, and I had a gut feeling that something bad was about to happen. I didn’t know what, or I would’ve been more prepared.” 

Ava took another step forward to invade my personal space and said, “He wants me to kill you.” 

_Kind of figured._ “Yeah, he’s been trying to kill me for almost a year and a half . . . hasn’t succeeded yet. Maybe he thinks you can do what he and his demons couldn’t . . . I saw what happened with the acheri demon, Ava. It was an accident. It doesn’t mean you have to keep going down this path. I’m going to get Jackson and Annie out of here. I can –“ 

She smiled. “I felt bad about what happened to Billy, but now that I know what I can do . . . I’m not so sure that unleashing me back out there is such a good idea. I mean I really hate my boss. If she asks me to stay late one more time, I might just kill her . . . no jury could convict me.” 

_She’s committed to a side._ I took a step back from her and said, “Your power is useless in here, but I know that you don’t need powers to kill someone. Stand down, or go. I can’t force you to make the right decisions, but I won’t let you hurt them, and I won’t let you push them into becoming like you . . . I’ll just say that you can still walk away from Azazel. If it were me, the last thing I’d want is to give into a demon that took –“ 

“Dean away from you? I’ll keep that in mind if he shows up.” 

“Dean’s not coming here. He has no idea where we are.” 

She took a couple of steps back towards the door and said, “What about your Dad? Is he coming?” _What does – Azazel’s using her for information. Is he planning on doing something to Dean and my Dad?_

I closed the distance between us and said, “Tell Azazel, that if he touches Dean or my Dad, it’ll be the last mistake he ever makes.” She smiled and tried to look innocent before she started to say something that was probably bitchy, so I grabbed her by the shirt and pushed her back into the wall to wipe that smile off her face. “Tell Azazel that he was right to be afraid of me. I know what I can do now. He won’t bring Dean into this. He won’t bring Sam into this to bring Dean into it. He won’t go after my Dad again. If he does, I’ll end him and lay to waste the plans he’s been putting in place for the last 3 decades. What he wants most will never happen. That is the message you are to deliver. Do you understand me, Ava?” 

She swallowed and then nodded before I let her go. Looking a little shaken, she said, “He wanted me to tell you that only one of us is going to make it out of here alive. You can’t save any of us,” before she scampered out the door.

“What’d she mean by that?” 

_Not entirely sure, Jackson._ “Highlander?” 

Annie, sounding confused, said, “He wants us to kill each other until there’s only one of us left? How many of us are there?” 

Looking back at them, I had to come up with something to say to diffuse this. “Well, I don’t think you can suck each other’s power up when you kill each other, like in Highlander, but I think the whole ‘There can be only one,’ thing applies.” I went back behind the bar to start shuffling again, so I could think this through. “I don’t know how many of you there are. I don’t think you guys are the first batch of psy kids that have come through here. Mr. Electric fried a guy earlier, who I think was the reigning champion. He’d killed 4 people before he got here, but he killed 9 after he got here. Bringing in groups of 3 or 4 would mean he went through at least 3 rounds. Max is dead, Weber is dead, Scott, the guy whose death we were investigating when we met Ava, is dead, Mr. Electric is dead, previous champion is dead, and those 9 the previous champion killed makes 14 dead psy kids. There’s you 2, Andy, Sam, and Ava. That brings it up to 19 psy kids. I’m going to guess that he’s got roughly 100 in the works, because I don’t think he plans on ending this anytime soon. He’s wrong though. I’m saving you two.” 

Annie stepped towards the bar and asked, “How? How are you going to do that? How do you know how many people that one guy killed? What can you do?” 

_Right now, nothing. The request for Castiel being taken to his vessel should have kicked in about 45 minutes ago . . . If he’s not the right kind of angel, he won’t be here, but it doesn’t change that the God request is in effect and God won’t answer anymore until its over. If something looks like it’s going to happen, I could ask Dad in an emergency to get these two out of here, and then tell him not to come back . . . then maybe for any other psychics that show up here, I can ask God to send them back home?_

"She has an angel coming to get us, right?” Jackson said when I didn’t reply. 

_I did tell him that, didn’t I._ Annie looked from him to me to see if he was being serious, and I nodded. “I do . . . I –“ 

“You know angels? Angels?! Why should be believe anything –“ 

Going to my weapons bag, I said, “Because I’ve kept you alive this long. You’d be dead already if it weren’t for me . . . and if it means you’ll stay here while I go outside to check the perimeter and set up a perch, so I can keep Ava from coming back and setting this place on fire to smoke you out . . . I guess I can tell you how you guys got dinner –“ 

Jackson put his hand up for me to wait and said, “Azazel can get in our heads, right?” I nodded, so he said, “Does he really know whatever it is you threatened him with when you talked to that woman?” 

“I’m not entirely sure that he knows the specifics, just that I might have access to a lot of power.” 

“So, you’re a wild card right now. That’s why he wants us to kill you. If he knows the specifics, it might help him figure out a way to kill you himself.” That sounded about right, so I nodded, and Jackson said, “If you can get us out of here, so we can go home and protect our families with the stuff you taught us, then I don’t care how you do it as long as you do it. If telling us too much about you might keep you from being able to do that, than we don’t need to know.” 

He looked at Annie, and she reluctantly nodded in agreement, so I picked up my sniper rifle bag and said, “Stay awake. I think that’s when you’re most vulnerable to him. He’s a demon. He’s evil. He will lie to get what he wants and try to turn you against each other. Right now all you have is each other.” 

Annie took in the sight of my sniper rifle and quickly said, “Wait! She isn’t all-bad yet. You can’t kill her. How do we know you won’t do the same to us.” 

“I’m an excellent shot. I can stop her without killing her.” Annie took a deep breath and nodded. With that decided, I turned and left the way Ava had, so I could do the rounds. 

_Dad, I’m not entirely sure, but I think you need to keep an eye on Dean. I think Azazel might bring him here to hurt me. You need to make sure that doesn’t happen if you want me to keep him and me from dying a lot sooner than that fateful gravestone says he should. Dates are easier to weather away than names._


	51. Seek and Ye Shall Find

Dean glanced at his phone. It kept ringing. It was Sam . . . again. He didn’t feel like talking to Sam right now. Right now, he felt like driving west. He didn’t know why. He just did. It felt like the right way to go. It’s the way he’d been driving all night, and every time he turned in another direction, it felt wrong, so he was just gonna keep driving west until he felt like he should turn another direction. He didn’t want Sam to be involved in finding Beth. That was his job, and at least with Sam being at Gabriel’s, he was safe . . . unless Sam was tracking his phone and decided to follow him. Dean glanced at his phone again, rolled down his window, and threw the phone out. Should make it a little harder for Sam to find him. 

Dean glanced at the glove box where his spare phones were. Their Dad’s phones were in there too. His Dad’s phones were too old to track with GPS . . . Dean’s spare phones weren’t much better. Should be all right to keep ahold of those in case anyone needed to get ahold of him for a hunt, but he didn’t think they would. His normal phone hardly ever rang unless it was Sam or Beth. Even fewer people called his spare, and almost nobody rang the back up for the spare. What about tracking him through cell phone towers? As long as he turned the phones off and didn’t use them, they shouldn’t give away his location. They couldn’t be turned back on remotely. He reached across the car and opened the glove box to fish them out, so he could turn them off one by one. 

This was something he had to do on his own. He had to find Beth, get her away from Azazel, and fix whatever it was that was broken between them, and he had to keep Sam out of it. That was the one thing that kept playing on a loop in the back of his mind. Sam could not be involved in any of this if Azazel was starting to collect his psychics. How Beth got a ticket to the psychic show, Dean didn’t know. It wasn’t for anything good. 

Maybe Azazel took her to keep her out of whatever he was planning, or maybe Azazel wanted to use her as a bargaining chip with Gabriel or the other archangels, or maybe it was for some other reason he hadn’t figured out yet. She wasn’t dead, or Dean didn’t think she was. They would’ve killed her back at Ava’s if Azazel wanted her dead, but what if they had killed her and then taken her body? No, it didn’t feel like she was dead . . . but she could be hurt. She was hurt. Gordon fucking shot her. But maybe the angels had her, or maybe Azazel was hurting her. She was alone and had no back up, and it was his job to be her back up. 

Dean flew through a cross section in the middle of nowhere and slammed on the breaks before he looked back and put her in reverse, so he could change direction. It looked like now he was heading south.

He drove until a couple of hours before dawn, and then he couldn’t drive any further. It looked like he was doing the rest of the way on foot, so he got out and went to load up on weapons out of the back. Bag nearly full to the brim of everything he might need, he paused when he saw Beth’s stuff wasn’t here. Even her sniper rifle was gone. He picked up his sawn-off and closed the lid before he looked over the top of the car in the direction he wanted to go. 

If Beth was that way, she had her stuff. She hadn’t had it when she walked Ava to the door, so God must be making deliveries for her. Dean wondered why she hadn’t just asked to be brought back home or to him. He guessed he’d find out. With that in mind, he started trekking through the woods.

It didn’t take him long to get to a break in the trees. When he got there, he paused, so he could get a good look at what he was facing here. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but an abandoned mining town wouldn’t have been at the top of his list. It wouldn’t have been at the bottom of the list either. 

He carried on along the dirt road and stopped at a place that gave him some seriously bad vibes. Kind of set the tone for the place. Some seriously bad shit was going on here. He didn’t know what it was, but it put him on edge and made him glad that he’d decided to ditch his phone. At least Sam wasn’t here.

Dean kept going and looked to the right at a wooden fence. His anxiety about the place grew. He tried to shake it off, so he could focus on finding Beth and succeeded when he got past this part of the town. He could walk down the middle of the main street through the town and announce his arrival, maybe make a bold statement, but something told him to keep a low profile, so he kept to the shadows of the buildings until he got to one that was across from a saloon or hotel. Someone was in there. Looked like they had flashlights. He didn’t think Beth was in there, but she was somewhere nearby.

Circling around the building to his right, Dean paused again before he took a few steps back and looked up on the roof. “Beth?” 

He couldn’t really see her, so she must be in the middle and hidden from view, but he could definitely hear her say, “Fuck . . . What are you doing here, Dean?” 

Not exactly a warm welcome, but he didn’t particularly care. “Thought it was my turn to show up when you least expected it.” 

A few seconds later, he saw her head come out over the edge of the roof. Probably a good thing he couldn’t see the look on her face. “I need you up here like 5 seconds ago.” 

Wasn’t exactly what he was expecting her to say given that she wasn’t all that happy to see him. Tossing his bags up onto the roof, he waited to make sure Beth caught them, and then took a few steps back to get a good running start, so he could jump, grab ahold of the roof, and pull himself up. By the time he crawled next to her, she’d gone back to keeping watch over the hotel, so he said, “What are we doing?” 

“Azazel is having the psy kids kill each other off until there’s only one. He’s bringing in new ones in small batches to replace the ones that die. There are two good ones in that saloon over there. Jackson can shoot flames out of his hands, and Annie has telekinesis. The saloon is locked down tight, so no demons can get into it, and that’s good, because Ava can control acheri demons and make them rip the others to shreds. I saw her use it to kill one of them earlier. It was an accident that time, but she knows she can do it now, and she’s decided to join Azazel’s side. I’m making sure she doesn’t have a chance to use her powers on Annie and Jackson. All Annie and Jackson have to do is stay awake to keep Azazel from getting to them through their dreams.” 

Beth glanced at Dean to make sure he knew she was here to keep Ava from trying to smoke the other two out of their safe house, but she didn’t want to say that in case Ava was close, heard Beth say that, and decided it was a good idea if she hadn’t thought of it already. He nodded that he understood before he looked down at the paint on the roof under him. “This isn’t a devil’s trap.” 

Beth went back to watching the saloon and said whispered, “Nope. Thought if something like this works for wendigos, it should work for demons if I put demon wards down instead of Anasazi symbols.” That’s why she’d wanted him up here. This roof, and that saloon were the only two safe places in this whole town if Ava was using demons to kill people.

“Any idea why they brought you here?” 

“Two birds, one fire?” Azazel wanted the psychics to kill her, but if she took any out along the way, it made Azazel’s job of killing off the psychics easier? “What about you?” she asked without taking her attention away from the saloon. 

“Your Dad wouldn’t tell me where you were. I got pissed off and started driving. Just kept going until I pulled up outside the woods and walked the rest of the way in.” She looked a little confused, so he said, “Soul mate benefits?” 

“Guess I don’t have to declare all out war against Azazel yet. That’s what I told Ava to tell him I would do if he brought you or Sam into this.” Sam . . . Sam could not be here if this was a death fight between the psychics. 

“How long until you think he does try to bring Sam into it?” 

She shook her head. “I don’t know. I think Azazel’s planning to be at this for a while. He’s not bringing many into it at a time. There was one guy here when we got here, and I think he’d been here for a while. He was like the reigning champ and had killed 9 psychics. Ava, Mr. Electric, Jackson and Annie were the newbie’s. Mr. Electric was with Ava and killed the reigning champ by shooting electricity out of his hands, and then Ava killed Mr. Electric with the demon. I don’t know when Azazel will bring Sam into it, but I’m thinking that Sam is one of his favorites, because Sam was raised to be a killer, like us. If Sam is one of his favorites, I think Azazel will wait until closer to the end to give Sam better odds.” 

Dean had been thinking in the last year that Azazel wanted Sam to hunt, but he hadn’t been able to figure out why. If it was to make sure Sam was out there killing things, it made so much sense now. “Your Dad said something about you being here for 5 months if you stuck this out . . . Guessing it doesn’t take long for them to wipe each other out if 2 went down that fast. The two in the saloon would be dead if you weren’t protecting them . . . If he’s bringing 4 here at a time, every couple of days that would make it more like . . . 300. I don’t get it. Why go to all this effort of finding all of them when they were 6 months old, activating their powers a little over a year ago, and then having them kill each other off? I thought he was building an army.” 

Beth took a deep breath before saying, “Survival of the fittest. He only needs the strongest one to survive for whatever his plan is, and you know what I think? I think whatever he did to them when they were 6 months old made him have some kind of a psychic connection to them. It’s why he can get in their dreams and why he’s driving some of them, like Scott crazy. You should go back and be with Sam. If-“ 

“No. Maybe your Dad was right. He told me that this is where you need to be. Maybe he said it because of when Sam gets here. They took you and Ava before any of us knew about it. What if they do the same thing to Sam? It could take me a couple of days to get here depending on how far away I am, and by then it could be too late . . . plus, I’m not leaving you here on your own. You were lucky that you found two good psychics if Ava turned so fast . . . and what about Andy. I like that guy. I don’t want him dead, and his powers against the others would be useless if they’re immune to him the way Sam was.” 

Beth gave him a look that said he’d made his case well enough she was okay with him staying even if she wasn’t happy about it and then said, “But then Ava used to only get death visions, like Sam, and now she can make demons do what she wants them to do. I think part of the battle is going to be keeping these psychics good . . . I told Jackson and Annie to let me do the killing if it has to be done. All it took for Ava to go over to the dark side was doing it once.” 

“Okay. What’s the plan?” 

To keep it quiet, Beth thought, _”We have to hold the fort for another hour until their ride out of here shows up.”_

“Gabriel?”

She glanced at him. _"Only in the event of an emergency."_

“G-“

She nudged him to make him shut up and thought, _“Not unless Plan A doesn’t show up . . . I need to keep God as an option for other things.”_

“What’s plan A?”

_”An angel named –“_

“An angel?! What the hell-“

Beth shot him a look and hissed, “Shut up, Dean . . . We have no idea where Azazel is.” 

“You expect me to –“

“Letting me handle this my way is exactly what I expect you to do. You have no idea what the stakes are . . . I’m going to use every tool in my arsenal to bring us home alive, and that includes using someone my Dad said might be able to help if I ever needed it. I need it.”

Dean waited a couple of beats and said, “I don’t know what the hell has been going on with you, but –“

“I will explain everything, but not right now . . . it’s more than a little complicated, and we have people to save . . . What I need is for you to trust me. I know you didn’t the last time I saw you or even a few days before that . . . If you can’t trust me then you can leave.”

Wasn’t sure if that made him more pissed off or knocked the wind out of his sails. Might be why he hung his head before saying, “Goes both ways, Beth . . . Whatever it is, you’re not trusting me to –“

“I’m trying to work it out myself. I don’t know how it makes me feel . . . I’m trying really hard not to be, but if I’m honest with myself, I’m a little upset with you about some choices you made, but then you didn’t really make them . . . another you did, but that you is still you even if you don’t remember him . . . When I tell you, I want to have all the answers to questions you are going to ask. Our life isn’t our life, and we’re not supposed to be here, but we are, and we can die, and if we do . . . there might be something I’m looking forward to telling you too . . . I’m not sure, but I think I am . . . I just can’t tell you right now and do the job I need to do. I will tell you after their lift gets them out of here.“

Somewhere in all that nonsense, he caught that maybe she was mad at him. That meant it was something he could fix after he found out why she was mad at him. If she’d been falling out of love with him, there’s nothing he could’ve done about it. “Okay.” She glanced at him and relaxed, so Dean decided to get both their heads back on where they were. “What if the psychics turn bad after they leave?”

She went back to communicating with him by answering him in her thoughts. _I’m hoping that an angel getting them out of here will show them that there is a Heaven and a Hell, so they know that if they go to the dark side, they will be held accountable for their actions even if it’s not while they’re alive. It works for normal people that believe in that kind of thing . . . and Jackson has been living on the streets for a while now, so he wouldn’t be tempted to hurt anyone the way Azazel wanted him to do. Annie acts like she’s tough, but I don’t think it’s ever seriously crossed her mind to use her telekinesis to hurt someone. And neither one of them have killed.”_

Yeah . . . about that angel thing . . . Dean knew she wanted him to trust her, but he still felt like it was something he should address. “Do you think it’s such a good idea to be getting angels involved in this? And what if –“ 

She nudged him again, so he stopped. _“Dean, we have to be careful what we say and what I think to you if Azazel can read your mind. Don’t give him any ideas he hasn’t thought of yet.”_ Dean exhaled a frustrated breath, but nodded, so she thought, _”If who I asked God to bring here shows up, it means the guy he brings is somewhat trustworthy. If he doesn’t show up, he’s not trustworthy at all, and I’ll have to find another way out for the good psychics.”_

Okay, so she asked God to bring the angel here if the angel was trustworthy. Dean still wasn't happy about it, but if it was already done, then there wasn't much he could do about it except keep an eye on her angel blade if that's the only thing that could kill angels. Even if Dean took her out of here, God might still drop an angel in their lap. It was just asking a lot to put any faith in God to make the right judgement call.

Dean looked at Beth after her next thought, _“Besides, I think God wants me to help Annie and Jackson . . . just a feeling I have.”_ If she really thought that, then there’s no way he could talk her out of this. _“I was thinking you should go as a chaperone to help them get set up faster when they get home.”_ Now she was pushing her luck. 

Dean went to say that he wasn’t leaving her here alone, and she smiled before thinking, _“You can have the angel bring you back when you’re done. I’m not really likable right now. You, in hunter mode, are friendlier than me, in hunter mode."_ That was true. Beth in hunter mode was more like the way she’d been the last few weeks, except she was only that way when they were in the thick of things. She was fine around him and the victims after that . . . Maybe that’s why she’d been off too, because he’d seen her mad at him, and that didn’t totally explain the last few weeks. She’d been in hunter mode this whole time for some reason. Why? 

__She must’ve picked up what he was feeling and looked down briefly before she went back to looking at the saloon and said, “Like I told you Dean. I’ll explain it when there’s time . . . need you to focus right now . . . Take my angel blade.” She slid her angel blade around in front of her to hand it to him a few seconds before he heard something behind them on the roof._ _

__Turning to see what’d made the noise, he saw a little girl standing there. He wasn’t sure what to do about her until her face warped, and she grew fangs and claws. Sitting up, Dean sliced through her with the angel blade at roughly the same time Beth pulled the trigger on her sniper rifle. When he turned to look back at Beth, she said, “Classic diversion. You killed it?”_ _

__“Guess it sparked or flickered when I –“_ _

__Beth pushed up onto her hands and knees and said, “Then it’s dead. Come on, we have a psychic to try and save,” before she slid down the other side of the roof, landed on the ground, and ran towards the hotel, saloon, whatever the hell it was._ _

__Catching up to her, Dean saw Ava lying on the ground along the side of the building. Beth took her angel blade back from him, so she could cover his back, while he picked Ava up and carried her into the saloon. He stopped when he got to the entryway and had two psychics standing there looking at him, like they were about to go off, but Beth pushed past him and said, “Put Ava on the bar, Dean,” before looking at the other psychics. “This is Dean. He’s a hunter too. He’s Sam’s big brother.”_ _

__They relaxed a little, and followed Ava with their eyes. The guy said something first. “The Dean you told Ava to keep out of this?”_ _

__Beth cut open Ava’s shirt with one of her knives and said, “Yeah.”_ _

__The punk chick started to say, “You shot her? I thought –“_ _

__Beth rolled Ava to see if it was a through and through and said, “I did what I had to do to keep you safe. I told you I wouldn’t kill her, and I haven’t. Her demon’s dead though. I don’t know how many more she has, or if she can get more, but they can’t get in here.”_ _

__The guy got closer. “What are you going to do? That looks like it’s bleeding pretty bad.”_ _

__Beth exhaled and looked back at Dean. “I don’t have my first aid kit. Do you?”_ _

__Dean handed Beth the first aid kit out of his bag, and she asked him if he had that Celox stuff. “All I’ve got is that little packet you gave me. Is that enough?”_ _

__Beth grabbed a packet of alcohol wipes out of the first aid and pulled on a pair of gloves. “Maybe you could have Jackson heating up something metal that will fit, so we can use it to cauterize the wound and stop the bleeding. It’ll be painful, and it might cause tissue damage, but we're in the middle of nowhere, so it's all we can do until we get her to a hospital.” She wanted Dean to take their attention off of Ava and give her room to work. He could do that, and it gave them a back up in case the Celox didn’t work._ _

__Dean turned his attention to finding something cylindrical in his bag that they could use and found an iron bar that looked like it might be about the right size. Looking at Jackson, he said, “So, you, uh, you’ve got that fire thing going on, right? Does that mean you can’t get burnt, or –“_ _

__Jackson smiled and said, “Guess we’ll find out,” before he took the bar from Dean and held it over the palm of his other hand. A flame appeared, and the metal started going red hot. Jackson held onto it as long as he could, and then dropped it, but it didn’t hit the ground._ _

__Dean looked at the chick when she said, “Let me hold it while you do your thing,” and the bar floated back up to the height it was at before that. Maybe these two weren’t all bad if they were working together to save Ava, a girl who flat out said she was going to kill them, but it didn’t mean that Dean trusted them._ _

__“How hot does it have to be?” Dean asked when the rod started going white hot._ _

__Beth glanced at the bar. “It’s definitely sterile now. It needs to cool to just before it goes to red hot, and then I think we should be good.”_ _

__Wait. Were they seriously going with this option? It was going to suck for Ava. “Didn’t that stuff work?”_ _

__Beth looked back down at her hands where she was putting pressure on the wound and said, “I’m not going to use it. I don’t think there’s enough to get the job done, and if we use it and then have to cauterize it, maybe it’ll melt and cause serious damage.”_ _

__Dean distinctly heard her think that they needed to hold onto the Celox as long as possible if they were going to be here for something like 5 months, so he went over and whispered in her ear, “You know, I could always get more while I’m out with the angel.”_ _

__She looked at the floating iron bar and said, “If he even shows up . . . and if he does that, we don’t know that he’d let you. We don’t know what he’ll be like yet, and I want Jackson and Annie to feel useful and know what it feels like to save someone’s life. I’m also hoping that it’ll make Ava less likely to want to kill them if they save her life.”_ _

"Game of chess?"

Beth nodded discretely before she looked at the other two and said, “That should be cool enough. If you think you can be precise about it, Annie, we can try it now. You’ll have to be fast . . . It’ll probably wake her up, but I think she’ll pass out again soon enough.” 

__Annie nodded, and the bar got closer until it was hovering right over the whole in Ava’s shoulder. Beth took a deep breath and said, “Okay. We’ll go on the count of three. Take it out as soon as a I say.” Annie focused all of her attention on the bar and then gave Beth a hesitant nod. Beth was just as focused and said, “One, two . . . three,” before rapidly taking her hands away from the wound just as the bar slammed through it._ _

__You could say Ava woke up. Her eyes shot open, and she screamed bloody murder. Jackson nudged Dean’s arm and looked towards the windows. You couldn’t see much, because the windows were boarded over, but in between the cracks, you could see the demented eyes of little girls that wanted to get in here, and then they smoked out as soon as Ava passed out. Had to have been least 6 from what he could tell, and those were just the one at the windows._ _

__A second later, Beth said, “Okay, take it out . . . now,” and the iron bar shot up with enough speed and force that it went through the ceiling. Annie dropped down to a crouch and put her head in her hands. Jackson went over to comfort her. That’d gone a lot better than Dean had thought it would. In addition to seeing just how many demons Ava could control at one time, which was useful to know, part of him had thought Annie would get off on hurting Ava and be tempted to leave the bar in there longer or that she’d try to kill Ava or something, but she hadn’t, and now she was muttering about how she was never doing something like that again. She was pretty upset about the whole thing._ _

__Maybe Beth hadn’t been wrong about these two. If Beth wanted him to help them get set up in a safe house or with their families, so they could keep them safe, or whatever it is she wanted them to do, he’d be up for that. Sure some of them were bad . . . maybe most of them were, but saving the ones who were good like Sam and Andy and these two was worth it, even if it meant staying here until this was over._ _


	52. Not All Angels Are Bad

_That was awful. So glad I’m not the one who had to do it._ Quickly grabbing more alcohol wipes, I tried to squeeze what I could out of them into the hole the way I had before it was cauterized and then wiped around the sides again. It didn’t look like she was bleeding anymore. Now the worry was infection. There is no way I would’ve done that if I had my medical kit or a phone or any other way to get her medical care. I doubted that Azazel would be forthcoming with an ambulance if I asked for one . . . and I honestly didn’t think there was enough Celox here to do the job. What happened when that stuff got hot? It was too new of a product for me to know, and as far as I knew no one in their right mind cauterized things like this, especially after using that stuff. This had been the safest option, and it was still a bad option. 

I took a deep breath and looked up at Annie. “You want to see what you did?” She looked confused, so I looked back down at the wound and said, “She’s not bleeding anymore . . . at all.” 

Standing up, Annie got a little closer, looked from the wound to me and said, “So, that’ll save her?” 

I went to say that it would until Ava got an infection, and Dean shook his head subtly, so I changed it. “Yeah, she would’ve exsanguinated otherwise.” I pulled some antibiotic cream out of Dean’s first aid kit and put that around the opening of the hole. He really needed to get some iodine. 

Dean came to stand next to me, so he could watch me put gauze over the wound at the front and tape it down. “You think that’ll help?” 

_The iodine?_ “Maybe, but I think some strong antibiotics would be better.” 

“Done.” He’d try to get them while he was out with the angel . . . if our angel showed up.

“How long until our lift is here?” Jackson asked while I finished tending to the wound in Ava’s back. 

Checking my watch, I exhaled. “I have no idea where the time’s gone, but it should be any minute.” 

Annie looked at Ava and asked, “What about her?” 

“I don’t think I trust her to go yet, but I’ll work on it. I won’t let anything happen to her.” 

Annie’s eyebrows arched in surprise. “You’re staying?” 

“Yeah, if there are more coming in that are good, like you, I need to try and save them.” 

Jackson asked, “What if there are more like that Mr. Electric guy or her?” 

Dean answered that one for me. “She’s got back up from as high up as you can go.” I glanced at Dean, and he shrugged. “What? You do. If it means they’ll get out of here and go somewhere safe instead of sticking around to help you out, they should know.” 

Looking at the devil’s trap above the door before I looked at him, I said, “You’re lucky you got through that trap, or I’d be doing an exorcism right now.” 

He grinned, and my gaze shifted to the other two. “He’s talking about what we agreed I wouldn’t tell you.” I glanced at Dean, and he took a deep breath to say something, but stopped himself. I guess he was right. I couldn’t have these two sticking around to try and protect me. I needed to get them as far away from here as possible. Looking back at the other two, I said, “I have a direct connection to God that God set up Himself, so I get help from Him when I need it. It’s how I got my weapons and how you two got dinner.” 

Jackson laughed, and Annie snorted. Both of them were about to call bullshit on that when a voice behind them said, “It would appear that is correct, or I wouldn’t be here.”   
_Angels wear trench coats?_

All three of them, Annie, Jackson, and Dean, tensed, and I came out from behind the bar to stand in front of them. “Castiel?” 

He had a pretty intense stare. “Why can’t I know who you are? What-“ 

Dean interrupted what I can only assume was going to be a barrage of questions. “Can you read minds?” Castiel nodded, so Dean said, “I shouldn’t –“ 

“Perhaps you shouldn’t be here if you wish to keep her safe.” Castiel looked from Dean to me and said, “You are a nephilim . . . I am supposed to –“ 

Dean took another step closer and said, “No, she’s not. She’s human. She has a soul. No grace. Look, if you just –“ 

Castiel touched his fingers to Dean’s forehead and two things happened. Dean collapsed, and my angel blade was at Castiel’s neck before he was expecting it. “You brought me here to fight?” 

“I brought you here to help me, and you attacked –“ 

“I did not attack your soul mate. You and I have business to discuss, and he was interfering.” 

My eye’s narrowed. “So, knocking him out seemed like the best thing you could do?” 

Looking down at Dean, he responded, “Would you prefer I send him to Australia?” _The other side of the planet? No._ Before I could say anything, Castiel said, “I do not know what you are thinking.” 

He looked behind me at Jackson and Annie and said, “They are abominations. They have demon blood in their veins. Do you wish me to vanquish –“ 

I took my angel blade away from his neck and put my hands on his chest to push him to the other side of the room. “No, I don’t want you to vanquish them. I want you to take them home, so they can protect their families. I wanted you to take Dean with you, so he could help them get put up demon wards and devil’s traps faster. I want you to tell me why you haven’t tried to kill me yet if you know that my Dad is Gabriel through what Dean was thinking.” 

My attention was on Castiel, but I heard Jackson say, “Gabriel, as in the Messenger of God, Gabriel is your Dad? I can’t believe this is happening.” 

Castiel ignored him and stared at me. “If God brought me here on your request, but only if I did not say anything to my superiors about your message, then helping you instead of killing you or turning you into my superiors would appear to be what he wants. I will not disobey a direct order from God, but you are a mystery to me. Everyone in this room is a mystery to me. I do not know why I am here.” 

He really just seemed to be confused and was making a balls of his introductions into our little world. “You’re on a secret mission without your superiors knowing and without knowing why you’re here?” He nodded, like that made sense to him, so I said, “If I touch you, can you get all of my pertinent memories at once, so you know the full story without having to take the time to go through my thoughts?”

“I do not know what –“ I touched his hand, and he stared at it for a few seconds before he looked at me. “How did you do that?” 

“I focused everything I know about this place and me into a ball and willed it to you . . . saves time. Think I’ve used it in the past. I don’t know who taught me.” 

“So, all you need me to do is take them home and help them get their houses in order? Why did you ask me to bring my angel blade?” 

Looking out the window, I said, “I’d like you to come back here when you’re done if you can. There will be more psychics coming after Jackson and Annie go home, but who I’m really concerned with in this town is –“ 

Castiel hummed in understanding. “Azazel . . . Yes, I have heard stories of him. He is beyond your capabilities. He may be beyond mine as well . . . but I suppose it is better not to get your father involved if you think it may lead to an Apocalypse.” 

I smiled briefly and said, “Well, then we’ll fight him together. We can train together when you return.” 

That gave him pause. “That is . . . It seems . . . “ Then he changed what he was going to say and went with, “Okay, and then I would like to know more of your life and his,” as he looked down at Dean. 

“Agreed.” He looked past me at Jackson and Annie and asked them if they were ready to go home. They looked skeptically at one another before the looked at me. I told them that he was okay, so they nodded, and then they disappeared. When I looked behind me, Castiel was gone too. I guess he liked to move fast.

I felt a little relieved that it was mission accomplished on keeping them safe. Looking down at Dean, I guess I was glad he was just knocked out and not in Australia? I took my jacket off and put it under his head. Even when he was knocked out from a standing position that man somehow knew how to fall gracefully. He hadn’t hit his head. He should be okay. I went over to check on Ava after that, and she was awake. 

Helping her sit up, I said, “We stopped the bleeding, but now I’m worried about infection,” before I handed her a bottle of holy water to drink . . . unsalted holy water. I had some of that too. 

“You know He’ll find them and kill everyone they care about, right? Should’ve left them here. At least then their families would be safe.” 

_Maybe. Maybe not._ “I don’t know. They’re under the protection of an angel right now, and he’s setting up their homes, so no demons can get to their families . . . He probably knows a lot more than I do on how to do that, and I gave them symbols they’ll need if they want to keep anyone they know from being possessed and exorcisms to use if they catch any demons in the traps I showed them how to set.” 

Shaking her head, Ava said, “You’re stupidly naïve. How long do you think this is going to take? Are their families going to stay in their homes under lock and key for that long?” 

“At least I gave them a fighting chance. It’s more than they had here.” 

I picked up Dean and mine’s weapons bags, put his next to him and brought mine with me to the window, so I could have a peek and see if we had any incoming yet. I wasn’t leaving Ava here alone with Dean while he was knocked out. I wasn’t entirely sure about leaving her here alone at all if she was just going to go around and scratch out all of the wards and mess up this place. I didn’t know what to do with her now that she wasn’t on Death’s door. Luckily or unluckily I didn’t have to make that choice. 

I turned back around to ask her if she had to tell Azazel the others were gone or if he just knew and got a knife to the gut. _I should’ve heard her. Whey didn’t I hear her?_ I looked down at the handle, and it was one of mine. _Knew I should’ve moved those weapons bags sooner._

She twisted the knife and grinned as I fell to my knees, and then . . . well, I’m not entirely sure what happened next. She was in the middle of saying something, and I flinched when her blood splatter went all over my face a few seconds before she crumpled to the ground. When I looked up, I saw Dean go from lying on his side with a gun in his hand to standing and running over to me before I could really process it. I looked back down at the knife handle when he got to me and wasn’t sure what to do with it. _Guess she owed me one for shooting her._

He looked like he was panicking, so I said, “Do you think . . . uh, did her blood splatter get on my wound, because . . . that’s gross.” 

He went from looking at my stomach to looking at me and tried to hide his fear by saying, “What, no movie quote?” 

That felt so familiar. Everything about him felt so familiar and had since I met him. Guess there was a reason for that. I hadn’t done the movie quote thing in a while. I used to do it when I got hurt all the time. Choking on some blood made this whole thing feel and taste more real. “Dean, we have a daughter . . . I can’t die. I have to –“ 

His eyes got big, and he put his hand on the side of my face. “You’re pregnant? Why –“ 

I put my hand over his. “Inside jacket pocket. There’s a picture.” He looked behind him to where he’d been laying and went to grab my jacket. Carrying it back, he dug through the inside pockets until he found it. When he held the picture out to me, I snatched it from him and looked at her before I said, “Her name is Rogue . . . She’s from our other life . . . the life we should be living now. We’re reliving part of your life . . . It’s why things feel familiar sometimes, but . . . If we die, we die, and we can’t get back to her . . . Don’t let me die.” 

I tried to wipe the blood from my hands off of the picture using my sleeve and handed it to him, so he could look at her when he crouched in front of me again. 

He shook his head and said, “Beth, I – “ 

“You don’t have to remember her. You can’t . . . just know that she’s ours . . . she has my hair and your eyes and she’s smart like both of us . . . look at her shoes, Dean.” 

He squinted and then slumped. “Thundercats?” 

“My Dad got them for her . . . That part of our old life is the same as this life . . . this life started when we met in high school . . . Dean –“ 

He leaned forward and put his forehead on mine before saying, “We can talk about it later. Right now –“ 

I shook my head. “I don’t know if it effects you the same way it does me, but maybe you can make it without me . . . You have to get back to her if –“ 

“You’re not dying. Call your Dad. He can –“ 

I shook my head again. “I don’t want him here. What if Azazel traps him? I don’t want him to get hurt if Raphael and Michael show up.” 

Brushing the hair out of my face, he said, “If you die, what do you think’ll happen to him when he goes to Heaven to find you?” That was a good point, but – “Want to try the POA thing again? It worked last time.” 

I nodded at his suggestion, but then thought of something. “But what if Castiel –“ 

“As long as he’s here, it might not work?” 

I nodded, so he said, “Castiel, we need your help . . . Beth –“

We heard Castiel say, “What happened?” before he came into my field of vision next to us. 

Dean sat back to look at him and was in the middle of saying, “We need to take her to a hospital. Ava, stabbed –“

Castiel pulled the knife out of my stomach, which Dean wasn’t all that happy about because I started bleeding more, but then something unexpected happened. Castiel touched my forehead and everything felt warm . . . I felt fine. _Did he just . . ._ I stuck my hand under my shirt and it felt like I was in one piece . . . no knife wounds were to be found. I didn’t quite know what to do with that. I guess that’s why I quickly wrapped my arms around Castiel’s neck in a death grip. 

He looked at Dean and said, “I don’t know what she wants,” and Dean exhaled a stressful laugh.

“She’s thanking you.” 

“How long does –“

Dean laughed again. “She should be just about done.” 

I sat back and said, “Thanks, Castiel. Thanks for everything you’ve done today . . . for not telling your superiors and for taking them home and for healing me.” I still wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself. How do you go through the mental whiplash of dying to not dying in a matter of seconds? I looked from Ava’s lifeless body to the window I’d been spying out of 5 minutes ago before I looked at Cas. “I think we need to make sure there aren’t any new psychics, and then we can train if you want.” 

Castiel looked confused. “Training is not something to be taken lightly. You were just on the brink of death.” 

I felt fine. I just didn’t know what to do after all of the fuss. “You healed me, so I feel okay.” 

He pointed to my head and said, “And there? It is more about your mind than it is physicality.” 

_I just need something else to focus on now._ “The next psychics could be here soon, and we need to be ready when Azazel shows his face.” 

Looking down at Ava, Cas said, “And what about her?” 

I glanced at Dean. He killed her. Was he okay, or – 

Dean cut me off from my thoughts. “The only thing I’m sorry about is that I didn’t do it sooner. If it weren’t for Cas, you’d be dead.” 

_Yeah, but –_

Before I could say anything Dean sighed. “Does it feel great? No, but I wouldn’t change it.” Then he held up the picture. “Now about this.” 

_Oh crap._ “How about that training,” I said looking at Cas again. 

Cas directed his attention from me to Dean and said, “I did tell her we could train, and then I wanted to know more about the two of you. Perhaps you could find out more about the picture when we talk.” 

I guess that was a fair compromise. Dean certainly seemed to think so, because he grinned at me not quite getting my way on just dropping it. I’d been looking forward to telling him about her the more that I thought about it, but I hadn’t exactly expected it to go the way it had. I hoped it went better on take two. 

“Okay, but first we’re checking the town for more people, and then we’re checking the town again between training and the talk.” Cas and Dean gave each other a look and nodded in agreement, and it looked like we had a team of three doing this thing now. For some reason, I thought we’d make a good team.


	53. Old Life

Dean wasn’t entirely sure what he was watching. It looked a hell of a lot like his girlfriend matching an angel . . . almost move for move. They’d started off slow until Cas figured out she was better than he’d thought she’d be. Their moves and style were so similar. This is what Sam had been talking about, but her eyes were just the normal bluish-grey that they usually were. She was all Beth right now. 

He looked down at the picture she’d given him when she was over there on the floor half an hour ago and tried a little harder to get the blood off of it. The little girl did look a lot like Beth. She even had a Bears sweatshirt. It wasn’t Beth. He’d seen pictures of Beth at this age, so he knew it wasn’t her, but this little girl looked a lot like her. He didn’t know what to think. He hadn’t really understood much of what she was saying. 

She’d been slurring her words and choking and . . . that was the last time he wanted to see her like that. It wasn’t just her dying. It was . . . she didn’t mention movies anymore and without those, it felt almost like . . . like she wasn’t fighting as much as she used to fight, and he didn’t know when the change happened, but it had . . . maybe after he broke things off with her? She’d still fought to hang on during that shifter case . . . referenced Willard. That was the last time she was hurt before the thing with Meg happened. The only difference between the shifter case and then was him ending things. 

Maybe he’d find out what was up with that when he asked her about the little girl again. He hadn’t been able to focus on what she was saying except she thought this little girl was their daughter. It didn’t make sense. What did make sense was what Sam had said. Beth had to have been trained on how to fight against angels in this other life she’d lived. How’d those demons catch her if she could fight like this? Tapping into her soul must really drain her. Is that why Ava got the drop on her too? How the hell did that happen?

There was a lull in the fighting, and he heard Cas say, “She can access the power of her soul?” Dean looked up and saw that Cas looking at him. 

“Uh, yeah, her Dad told her she could, so she tried it out, and then a few hours later she got taken by some demons and brought here.” 

Cas tilted his head to the side to observe Beth. “It would weaken you, and you would be slower, but your skills should have still been more than adequate to face a demon.” 

Beth ducked her head. “I was in the middle of killing one when another one teleported behind me. It stood far enough back that I couldn’t engage it when I turned, and then it threw me into a wall head first, so I got knocked out.” 

Cas nodded sagely and said, “Maybe you should learn how to land in such a way that you don’t get knocked out when being thrown into a wall.” 

Beth smiled briefly. “Have any ideas on how to –“ 

Cas lifted his hand and used telekinesis to throw her across the room. Dean watched her hit a beam and land in a heap on the floor. He was half way to her when she tried to push up onto her hands and knees mumbling, “You’re right . . . think I could use some work on that,” before she collapsed. 

Dean looked from her to Cas and shouted, “Well, are you going to help her, or –“ 

Cas went from one side of the room to the other in the blink of an eye, touched the back of her head, and she stirred a little. 

Angels were badasses. They had similar kinds of powers that demons did, but on top of that, they could heal people, and her Dad had been going on about smiting earlier. Dean didn’t know what that looked like, but he bet it was pretty hardcore. They were a lot more powerful than anything else he’d ever come across, but maybe having Gabriel and now Cas on their side, made him feel a little better about protecting her. Well, that and watching her fight just now had too. 

He watched Beth struggle to sit up and knew what she’d want to do. “I think training is done for today, Beth.” 

Beth sat up against the beam and gave him a goofy grin. “What about your training, Dean?” 

Dean looked up at Cas and said, “Did you drug her?” 

Looking down at her, Cas replied, “I thought she should relax. In less than two days, she has had two serious head injuries, was shot, and then stabbed. She can stay like that for now if you’d like to try training with me too. No harm will come to her.” 

Beth gave Dean a thumbs-up, and Dean smiled. “You all right with me taking your angel blade?” 

She shook her head. “No, Cas can use it, and you use his . . . I have the feeling you’ll be better with his . . . trust me.” Dean and Cas shared a look, and then Cas flipped his angel blade around, so the handle faced Dean. He took it, but he wasn’t sure about this. Beth handed her blade to Cas and said, “Don’t hurt each other. And show Cas the Colt when you’re done, so he knows it’s an option. I’m going to take a nap.” 

“Sam has the Colt.” 

Beth layed down and yawned. “Even more reason to train on this.” And just like that she was out. 

“You’re sure she’s okay?” 

Cas nodded, so Dean relaxed and released a breath he’d been partially holding since he got here. “I have no idea what’s going on right now. You’re here, and she’s here, and we’re at this place that is giving me some serious bad vibes . . . and you are being way too cool about helping us. Gabriel said you were supposed to be some kind of a soldier following orders right now or something.” 

Cas looked up towards the ceiling and said, “7 hours ago, I got a prayer. I can’t remember the last time anyone prayed to me. I didn’t believe that it was legitimate, but I was intrigued, and then 4 hours ago, I found myself standing outside of Jimmy Novak’s house. I spent the next 2 ½ hours convincing him to be my vessel, and then half an hour after that I was standing here. I haven’t been on Earth in over 2000 years, Dean.” 

Dean stepped forward and said in confidence, “I got in a car and started driving because I was pissed off that her Dad wouldn’t tell me where she was. I didn’t know where I was going. I just knew I had to find her. I drove all day and all night and ended up in the woods outside of town, started walking, and then I found her on the roof across the street from here.” 

Cas leveled his eyes on him and responded, “It feels like something big is happening, and like we were brought here to prevent it?” 

“Yeah, I get that feeling too. I just don’t know why.” 

Cas took up a defensive position and said, “I guess we will find out when the time is right,” before he indicated for Dean to attack. This should be interesting.

Dean didn’t know how long they’d been doing this, but this was awesome. He worked up a pretty good sweat. Cas had started off slow with him too, and then kicked it up a notch when he saw that Dean could handle it . . . maybe not as much as he had with Beth, but it pushed Dean to his limits. Dean found he did the best when he didn’t think about it and just let his body do it’s own thing. It was a whole other level of training than he was used to doing. He wondered how much better he’d be if he could’ve been practicing with Gabriel all this time. 

When they were done, Cas took a step back and said, “You are both much better than either of you should be,” before he lifted his hand and flung Dean into a support beam too. Dean automatically brought his arm up to soften the blow, landed on the ground in a roll, and got back on his feet. Cas looked at Beth. “You should teach her how to do that.” 

Dean laughed. “Kind of hard for me to pick her up and throw her like that. Maybe it’s just something you’re either born with or you’re not . . . you know survival instincts or whatever. Her’s suck when it comes to protecting herself from other humans.” 

Cas frowned a little in response. “She may be too conflicted when it comes to protecting herself from humans, but her survival instincts are in tact. I think that when you hunt with her, you do not let her take hits like that from monsters, so she has not had to learn how to react in such a situation . . . but you have not let her know that you step in at those times. Why not?” 

Dean had to think about that one. “It’s not that I don’t want her to know that’s what I’m doing. I mean I’m not reneging on our 50/50 deal. It’s just . . . I can’t stop myself from doing it, and I think maybe she knows that’s how I am, so she lets it slide as long as I let her take care of me afterwards, but 97% of the time it never comes to that, and she’s taken her fair share of hits for me too. Hers just tend to make her bleed more for some reason. And stop reading my mind, Cas.” That felt so familiar. “Have I said that to you before?” Cas shook his head and answered, “Not that I can recall.” No, it definitely felt way too familiar to be nothing. Dean flicked his gaze from Cas to Beth. The only one with any answers was out like a light right now, so he crouched down to give her a little shake and wake her up. 

She gave him a sleepy smile before she saw where they were and then sat up. “We’re off to check for more psychics now?” Yeah, see. That’s why Dean wanted to talk about this now. She’d find a way out of it if she could. 

Dean looked back at Cas, and Cas was gone before Dean even had to ask if Cas could check the town. It only took about 30 seconds, and then Cas was back. They would’ve saved so much time earlier if they’d just had him do it that way then. Before Dean could say anything to Beth, she asked, “Do you think that Azazel’s given up in this location now that we’re here, or is he waiting for the right moment to bring in more?” She was still delaying, but that was a good question. 

“When did you wake up?” 

She looked at her watch and said, “About 14 hours ago.” 

“Maybe he’s waiting for us to leave, like he did at that house you burnt down, or maybe he’s putting something in place to make things harder for Cas? We should wait it out as long as we can.” Beth nodded that she was okay with that, so Dean pulled the picture out of his pocket and said, “Think we should talk about this.”

Beth looked at her forearm and said, “We remember everything about our old life right up until you and I met when we were teenagers. After that, this life was plastered over that one, so we can’t remember any of it. We’re essentially reliving this part of our lives, but we’re doing it together. We didn’t in that life. We may not be able to remember our daughter, but she’s real, and she’s alive right now in that life.” She was trying, but that still didn’t make any sense. Dean had thought they’d been reincarnated. 

Beth took the picture from him and looked down at it while she said, “Our daughter’s name is Rogue. ‘Dada’ was her first word. ‘Book’ was her second. ‘Tiger’ was her third, because Sam gave her a stuffed tiger. He taught her what a roar was, so she roars when she’s showing it off. She said ‘hand’ before she could say ‘Mom’, because holding my hand means more to her than a hug would to most kids. She said ‘Sam’ before she could say ‘Mom’ too, but I guess I was taken right after she was born, and I didn’t come back until three months later, so you and Sam were with her every one of those days. You wouldn’t let him help you with her, so you were literally with her every second of those three months. You wouldn’t name her without me, and I helped her pick her name by giving her the names of comic book characters with green eyes, because I was convinced she’d get yours, and she did. You taught her how to check for your silver amulet, because I gave you one that’s an awful lot like the one you’re wearing now, I guess. Whenever you come back from a hunt, she looks for it and says, ‘Sil, Dad,’ which means you’re wearing silver, so she knows you’re her Dad and not a shifter. Dad said she just started doing it not long before we left to come here. I saved her from the Alpha Changeling and killed it along with a few more mother changelings that came after us, so she’s afraid of fire, but she’s not afraid of anything else. Her favorite book is the book you read to her every night that you’re there, and I guess it’s one you’ve been reading to her since she was 3 months old. The book is called _All My Friends Are Dead._ It makes you think she got my sense of humor. I read her _Where the Wild Things Are_ and sing to her. Her favorite toy is that My Pet Monster in the background. She calls it ‘Pet.’ I guess she takes it with her everywhere. Her Godfather got that for her along with the Bears sweatshirt, and Dad got her the shoes. I got her that ring toy and the blocks. She can say, ‘blocks.’ I don’t know if she solved the ring toy after I took the picture, but I’m hoping she did. She looks like it means a lot to her to get it right.” 

She took another hard look at the picture and turned it around, so he could see before she said, “Look at where she is, Dean . . . the background.” He wasn’t sure what she wanted him to see. “It’s Bobby’s. It took me a long time to figure out, but I did just before we got to Indiana. I needed some kind of proof, so that you would believe me, and I think that’s it.” 

Dean took the picture from her so he could have a closer look, and . . . he thought maybe she was right. It did look an awful lot like Bobby’s couch behind the little girl, and the floor looked the same. He sat down cross-legged next to Beth while he concentrated on the photo to see if he could pick out any other details. “You don’t remember her? Your Dad told you all of this?” 

“Yeah, he’s known almost the whole time . . . ever since you came over to my house to tell us you’d fixed things with the cops after Sam ratted me out over the prom thing, but he couldn’t tell us anything, or he’d get kicked off the team bus and sent back home, and he thinks we need him here if we’re going to survive this. If we don’t, we can’t see her again.” 

Dean glanced from the picture to Beth. “How old is she now?” It wasn’t anything he’d ever really given any serious thought to in the past, but if he ever had kids, he’d never wanted them to grow up without him. He’d want to be there for everything, but this girl must’ve grown up without him if he and Beth had been away from her since they were teenagers.

He wasn’t expecting Beth to laugh. “You won’t believe this, but I took that picture a week before we came here, and Dad said she’s only 19 days older now. We’ve only been gone for a little over 12 days.” 

“You said we’ve been living this life since we got together . . . That was almost 12 years ago.” 

Beth nodded before she bit her bottom lip and looked up. “Pretty sure God could pull something like this off.” 

Why would God do that? If this little girl was real, why didn’t he remember her? If he had a little girl out there somewhere, there’s no way he’d forget her. Maybe Gabriel was messing with Beth. “Why’d Gabriel tell you this now?” 

Beth took the picture back from him and looked at it, while she said, “That death omen in Baltimore gave him an idea. She was all about justice, and she recognized that one of the strongest parts of my soul is justice, but it’s only that strong because of the life we lived before this one . . . if that’s the case, then my soul went from about 35% on the night you met me when I was 16 to 86% the next day. It means the life we’ve lived isn’t exactly the same as it would’ve been if we’d really been starting from that point. It was a loophole, and my Dad took it to God. God told him that we could either start over with those parts of my soul removed, or Dad could tell me some things about our other life to motivate me into making it to the finish line. Dad went with the second option.” 

That didn’t make any sense. “Why does what your soul looked like when we met matter?” 

Beth took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “It matters because of the deal you made with God to bring us here, Dean.” 

“I didn’t do this! I wouldn’t . . . maybe a witch-“ 

“I guess my Dad originally took me away the night we met under the bleachers, and we didn’t see each other again until years later. You were sold on the idea of us living this part of your life the way we would have if my Dad hadn’t whisked me away, but it wasn’t exactly the way it would’ve been, because –“ 

“of your soul.” Beth nodded, and Dean said, “Well, when is it over?” 

Beth leaned her head back against the beam and answered, “A little less than 2 days in Rogue’s time, so I’m guessing around a year and a half or a little more for us.” 

_Fuck . . . I’m gonna have to wait another year and half before I meet my daughter?_ He hadn’t thought he had one, and the one in the picture was drawing nothing but a big blank, but if he ever took the plunge and decided to have kids, he’d been thinking that he wanted a girl. Maybe this was why, or maybe it was because he thought he’d have a better chance of not fucking things up if he had a girl. He hadn’t exactly had the best role model when it came to fathers and sons. 

“Know anything else about her?” he asked when he ran out of anything else to say about it. 

Closing her eyes, Beth tried to remember all the details she could. “I guess I sing a lot of different songs to her, but her favorites are _Birdhouse in My Soul_ from They Might Be Giants and a song called _Mistaken For Strangers_ by the National. The album that’s on won’t be out until May, so I’ve been listening to some of their older stuff to see if I can get an idea what that album will be like. Her favorite records are your Zeppelin II, IV, and I albums, in that order. My Pixies _Do Little_ album edges out III. “ 

_That’s why she’s been listening to her iPod non-stop. She’s been trying to see if she can get a feeling about our daughter through the music our daughter likes?_ Beth glanced at him, and her shoulders dropped a little in defeat, so it looked like she hadn’t been able to find a connection that way yet. 

Beth sighed and looked at the picture again before she said, “You were really sick at Christmas so I had to get a present for you to give her for her birthday . . . Her birthday is 4 days before Christmas. Anyway, it was a little toy drum, and a little set of maracas.” Pausing to exhale a brief laugh, Beth glanced from the picture to Dean. “You started putting on your Zeppelin records to show her how to shake the maracas, and then after the first couple of records were over, you had to go do something else, but she followed you everywhere shaking the maracas to try and get you to do it again. Dad said she followed you around for weeks, and you gave in when you could, but you finally had enough and hid them from her, so then she started banging on the drum. I guess the last time I saw her, the newest word she’d learned was ‘drum.’ Dad said we do a good job figuring out what she wants on our own, but we rely on him a lot to figure out what she’s thinking when we can’t. He babysits her a lot, and he said her Godfather and Sam do too. I guess she loves the Impala. She claps every time you carry her towards it.” If she loved Zeppelin, he must be doing something right, and if she loved the Impala, she was definitely his daughter, and his daughter needed her father.

Dean sat forward and put his head in his hands before he exhaled and said, “So, her Godfather isn’t Sam? Who’s watching her now if I’m here, you’re here, and her Grandfather is here? That means Sam has to be the one looking out for her, right, or is it her Godfather . . . or neither one?” 

When he glanced at her for the answer, Beth said, “I don’t know, Dean. If we said all this to Sam, would he remember that life any better than you or I do? For the record, I hope he’s not here . . . Same goes for her Godfather, whoever that is . . . Like I said if we die, we don’t get to go back, and she’ll be all alone.” 

Why’d she keep bringing that up? Dean sat back and took the picture from her to have another look. “But I mean we don’t die, right? You and me wouldn’t have been able to meet years later and live this other life if we did.” 

Beth reluctantly answered, “I . . . well, see if I wasn’t with you during this part of your life the last time, it means I wasn’t involved in this Azazel mess, and anything number of things could be different, doesn’t it?” 

He guessed so, but he didn’t think that was everything. “Do I die? Is that –“

“Not necessarily. Dad said we’re doing a good job of changing things.” 

_So, that’s a yes._ “But how did we -“ 

“You were brought back to life, and then we met, but the end of this little experiment is supposed to be when you die, so there is no bringing you back. I think God tricked you into making this decision for you and me, so he could test us and see if we could make it out of this alive. I think God made a deal with Dad independently of that deal.” 

_So, I made the decision to bring Beth into this? Where the fuck was she when I made this deal? What the fuck did I do? We could both die and leave our daughter an orphan? And Gabriel signed on because of what I did. What if Sam did too? What the fuck is wrong with me?_

“This is why your Dad said I brought you into this, so it was my responsibility to make sure you came out of it. He wasn’t talking about hunting the way I thought. He was talking about this. And this is why you can’t decide if you’re mad at me or not and why you’ve been in hunter mode for weeks . . . You’re waiting for the next thing to happen, so you can stop me from dying, right?” 

Beth looked down at her hands and said, “I didn’t know what to say . . . I didn’t think I should tell you, because maybe it’s not good to know something like that about your future, and maybe I have been a bit more . . . I don’t know hyper-vigilant. I didn’t want that for you.” 

Dean waited for her to look at him and said, “50/50 . . . You should’ve told me. What, were you just gonna carry this around for 2 years? This isn’t some small thing, like you ate the last piece of pie . . . this –“ 

“I didn’t eat that piece of pie . . . I don’t know what happened to it. Maybe I wished it away by accident, but I didn’t eat it.” 

He couldn’t help but laugh briefly. It’d just been the two of them back then, and he knew he didn’t eat it. They’d been arguing about it for a couple of years now. He gave her a fake glare and said, “What’d you have against my pie?” 

Crossing her arms, Beth answered, “I don’t know . . . maybe it’d been in that refrigerator all week, and I got sick of looking at it . . . I’m allergic to mold you know.” 

He laughed again. “You threw it away and are blaming God now?” 

“No, I probably thought something, like God, that’s disgusting, or God, why didn’t he eat it a freaking week ago, and it was gone when you looked. Why didn’t you eat it when you had the chance?” 

“I was saving it!” 

“For what? A pie-drought? You never save pie. What was so –“ 

“There’s pie and then there’s once in a lifetime pie, and that was once in a lifetime pie!” 

Beth shook her head and retorted, “Well, then you shouldn’t have saved it, because it would’ve been crap after sitting in the fridge for a week. Once in a lifetime pie is only good when it’s fresh.” 

Cas interrupted them by saying, “What was so special about this pie?” 

Dean wasn’t sure it was one thing. “Everything about it. The crust was perfect, the apple pie filling had like 4 different kinds of apples in it, it was in this little –“ 

Cas disappeared, and Dean looked at the spot where he’d been sitting before he looked back at Beth. “It was as good cold as it was hot, and that place where we got it was . . . I don’t know this perfect little backwater diner in Mississippi, and we’ve never been back there since . . . It was once in a lifetime pie.” 

Beth ducked her head and said, “Well, then I guess something good came out of you reliving this part of your life again, huh?” before she got up, and Dean went to follow her before Cas appeared in front of him holding an apple pie. 

“Is this . . . Did you –“ 

Cas held it out to him and said, “Perhaps you can stop arguing now,” and Dean grinned before he enthusiastically took it from him.

“Not sure if you’re in our other life or not, but if you are, you should definitely be the Godfather.”


	54. Are We Good?

“Stop using Sam to get me to leave! I’m not going anywhere as long as you’re staying here.” What? If he wanted to find out if Sam remembered this other life too, the only way to do that was to ask him face to face. I wished that I hadn’t said anything at all as Dean’s tirade continued. “You know who else used Sam to get me to do what they wanted? Dad . . . You did it too before you left to get Dad back from Meg, and you’re doing it now.” 

I looked at Cas. “Sorry your pie didn’t work for long, but it was a nice thought.” Dean stopped pacing, and before he could respond to that, I said, “Have I mentioned that you’re lucky you made it through that devil’s trap? Who the hell are you, and what have you done with Dean Winchester? The first thing on your list of priorities has been and will always be –“ 

“My family! I may not remember her, but if she’s mine, then I am a Dad, and that changes things. I’m not leaving her mother here to get killed and drag me down with her, so our daughter grows up alone.” 

_Nice. Where was that concern for her when you brought us here?_

“You know I can hear what you’re thinking, right?” 

_Why is he mad at me?_

“Because you didn’t tell me about this until now, and you’ve known for weeks!” 

_Okay, think I should go do something else now. Fucking pie debacle of 2002 . . . might’ve worked to side track him for a while, but now he's right back on it again._

I went to go check the town for any new psychics, and halfway through my check of the next building, Dean was right there beside me. “Where’s –“ 

Dean cut me off abruptly. “I told him to stay there. If some of these psychics can control demons, who’s to say that can’t control angels? You know his ass is on the line because of this too.” 

Picking up my strides to get away from him faster didn’t work, because he matched me. I couldn’t outrun him, so I stopped to look at him. “I can check this town on my own. I don’t –“ 

He leaned closer and said, “I don’t really care what you want. You’re not doing anything on your own.” 

_Awesome. Who is channelling John now? God, you want to do me a solid, and bring Sam here, so he can calm Dean down, and uh, while you’re at it, could you give everyone in my family a blanket of protection against the other psychics? Think that should be the last thing I –_

I got another couple of steps away, and Sam was standing in front of us looking more than a little freaked out, but relieved at the same time. He went to smile, and then Dean got in my face and shouted, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? He can’t –“ 

Looking at Sam, I said, “Can you take him off my hands. I have a job to do, and he’s making it nearly impossible. He can explain what’s going on.” 

Sam gave me a hesitant nod and focused his attention on Dean, so I walked around them and left him to deal with Dean. He’s the only one who could. Dean was pissed at everyone right now, but nobody more than himself . . . and maybe Sam if this Sam was the Sam from the other life. He kept saying if this was the Sam from the other life, then Sam should’ve stayed to look after our daughter instead of following us here the way my Dad had. He was mad at Dad too, or he was after he finished what he wanted of his pie. 

The only one who could put his mind at ease was Sam. If this Sam wasn’t that Sam, it meant Sam was watching her, and she wasn’t alone . . . unless she was with some unknown Godfather, but at the same time, it raised all kinds of problems, like what happened to this Sam if he wasn’t that Sam? Would he stay here alone when we left? Would he disappear? Would we end up with two Sams? Would the two Sam’s fight over who was Dean’s favorite? 

With all of the drama that’d taken place over the last couple of hours, I was somewhat relieved to find a very big man and a tiny woman conked out in what looked like it used to be a general store. The tiny woman had killed people already, but I didn’t know if they were accidents or not. Did it matter if they were accidental deaths if Ava accidentally killed Mr. Electric and then joined Azazel’s team? Maybe . . . I guess it depended on whether or not this woman had lost the love of her life in front of her the way Ava did just before she was brought here. Maybe that’s what had tipped Ava over the edge. I found the idea that these two showed up not long after Sam got here puzzling. I guess maybe it let me know Azazel was more present than he’d shown himself to be thus far. I looked at the man on the floor. He was going to be a pain in the ass to move, but he hadn’t killed anyone, so I was bringing him to the saloon first. 

“Seriously, what the fuck do you do for a day job? Defensive tackle?” I heaved another strenuous tug and got the big guy about 6 inches closer to the saloon before I slipped and fell on my ass. 

“Need some help?” I looked behind me and saw Dean. 

“Are you going to yell at me?” 

He ducked his head and said, “Yeah, about that.“ 

Getting to my feet, I got my hands under the guy’s arms again and said, “I think you should. It might give me the motivation I need to get this done faster, kind of like the fitness coach from Hell . . . or your Dad,” before I pulled again and drug the guy another 4 or 5 inches . . . There. Now we were tied on the John insults. 

“Actually think you got another one in back there . . . didn’t say it, but you were thinking it, so I’m counting it,” Dean responded while he nudged me out of the way and pointed to the guy’s legs. “Lift on 3?” I nodded after picking the guy’s feet up, and Dean said, “3.” 

When we had the guy up, Dean looked over my shoulder and grunted, “How the hell did you get him this far on your own?” 

“Sheer will and determination?” Things were okay until we started moving. _Why the hell isn’t Sam out here doing this?_ A minute or 2 later, I puffed out a labored breath and said, “I’ve gotta put his legs down.” 

Dean quickly shook his head. “If he goes down again, I don’t think I can get him back up . . . just keep going.” We got him another 12 feet, and then Dean said he had to put him down. 

“You wanna trade?” 

He gave me a little smile and said, “Nah, I’ve seen what you can do on this end.” 

I diverted my gaze to the ground. “I’m sorry . . . for bringing Sam here. I just –“ 

My focus shifted up to Dean when he explained what I was going to say. “You didn’t think Sam might’ve been in on it until I said it. That’s why you wanted me to go find him, right? You wanted to know sooner rather than later.” 

“Well, that’s why I wanted you to go look for him, but he’s in this horrible, little, deserted town, because . . . I wanted him to run interference for me. It was pretty selfish.” 

Dean squatted down again to get under the guy’s arms and gave me a nod when we needed to lift. When we got going again, he said, “At least if he’s here, I know where he is, and I was thinking . . . it’d be better if he was really in that other life . . . to look after her, you know, but . . . what if this isn’t him? This is the brother I’ve known all my life. What if he just goes away? What if the Sam from that life is a dick? I mean why wouldn’t I let him help me with her while you were missing or make him the Godfather?” 

_I wish I had some water._ “Well, the Sam you knew until you were 17 is the Sam in that life . . . were there differences in him after you met me that third time?” 

I stumbled a little, and Dean waited for me to get my feet under me before he started moving again and said, “I don’t know. Things might’ve changed, but I always thought it was because there were 3 of us instead of the 2 of us. How the hell am I supposed to know which of them it was?” I didn’t know. I was going to say something to that effect, and Dean grunted out, “Less talking, more walking . . . don’t think I can keep going if we don’t get this guy in there fast.” 

I exhaled a laugh and gave him a nod to let him know I understood his pain. “So, glad I didn’t become a mortician . . . I know they have all kinds of equipment to help them with –“

A groggy voice interrupted me by saying, “Who are you people?” 

Quickly looking at the young man, I said, “Can we put you down now? We’re taking you to a saloon, and you can talk to somebody there about what’s going on.” 

The guy looked up at Dean. “If you’re letting me go, don’t touch my hands.” 

Dean nodded and then we set him down. My first instinct was to want to help the guy get on his feet, but I figured I probably shouldn’t touch his hands if he said not to do it. When he got to his feet, I looked up at him. _Jesus, he’s tall._ “What’s your super power?” 

“Ain’t no super power. It’s a curse. Watch this.” He picked up a rock, and it turned to ice in seconds. Then he closed his fist, and it crumbled into dust. 

“Whoa . . . have you had a chance to test how cold it gets? I mean liquid nitrogen is about -196 degrees Celsius, and I don’t even know if it’d work that fast on stone like that.” He seemed surprised that I wasn’t freaked out, but I didn’t stop there. “Do you think you’re bringing things you touch to absolute zero?” He didn’t know what I meant. “Uh, it’s 0 degrees Kelvin, so I guess –“ 

Dean said, “Does it matter?” 

I shook my head and looked at the guy’s hands. “No, but I’d sure like to know the science behind that. Things only get cold when you suck all the heat out of them, so I’m guessing that’s what he does . . . He just sucks all the heat out of things, so it seems like he’s freezing them, and he is, but I wonder what his body temperature –“ 

Dean put his hands on my shoulders and directed me towards the saloon while he looked at the guy and said, “My brother gets death visions. He’ll explain it to you while we go look for more of you. Uh, just to give you fair warning the guy wearing a trench coat is an angel. He’s a little weird.” 

After we got The Fridge to the saloon, I asked Sam how much he knew about this place, and he said Dean had filled him in on it. “Everything that’s going on here?” Sam nodded, and said he’d take care explaining things to The Fridge, so Dean and I left again on a quest to find more psychics. 

“You didn’t tell him about this other life problem. You weren’t there long enough to do that and explain this place to him. He thinks he’s here, so he can help, right?” 

Dean quickly asked, “How am I supposed to tell him that he might not be real?” 

Crossing the street to start looking for psychics over there, I answered, “Alternate universe, remember? Even if he’s not from the other life, he’s real. You still need to talk to him. Ask him what it was like for him when your Dad died . . . I’m thinking . . . I’m thinking something like that packed a strong enough emotional punch that it helped break things down a little for you.” I looked through the window of a barn and saw a guy in there. 

“When else?” I looked up at Dean for an explanation, and he said, “When else do you think things broke through for me?” 

Well, there was the obvious. “That crossroads demon case for one . . . Jo for some reason . . . I don’t know when else. Only you do, but none of those things I just said really started until after your Dad died.” I put my hand on his arm to stop him from going through the door and said, “Leave him. He’s killed a few people.” 

“How do you know that?” 

I sighed and carried on to the next building. “Justice, courage, and wisdom are the biggest parts of my original soul. They’re the core of me and make me who I am. I added onto them more in my previous life, so they’re stronger than they would be in other people, and I can get a good read on the bad things someone else has done . . . I don’t mean like lying or stealing . . . Well, I know those kinds of things too, but they don’t really mark up your soul, so I’m not interested in them. I’m interested in the really evil shit other people do, like murder and torture. If I accessed the power of my soul, I’d be able to tell you exactly how many people he murdered, and how.” 

Dean got in front of me to make me stop and pay attention. “That’s how you knew the former champ around here killed 9 people?” He didn’t wait for me to nod before he said, “You were here yesterday on your own, and you tapped into your soul for that? It weakens you. Stop running experiments on yourself.” I think today might’ve been the worst day ever. It was full of a never ending stream of incessant nagging and info dumping and shouting and lecturing and carrying guys that were way too heavy and being stabbed. “I’m not nagging.” 

I arched an eyebrow at Dean in response and pushed past him, so he followed me. “I’m serious. If you’re doing it to test your limits, so you can be ready to protect me, than stop. I don’t –“ 

I turned to face him and said, “I only did it for a few seconds, and you need me at my best. I told you almost a year ago that it’s what I was going to do . . . get better. I just had no idea how much better I could get, but I have an idea about it now, so that’s what I’m going to try and achieve, and you wanna know what else? My Dad said that unless I’m tapping into my soul, you’re better than I am in this other life. Neither one of us have reached our full potential yet.” 

Dean shook his head. “I don’t know Beth, I did all right when I was training with Cas earlier, but it wasn’t anywhere near what you were doing with him.” 

Smiling, I said, “That’s because the angel blade is my thing. Your thing is everything else.” 

“Somehow I don’t buy that you’re a crap shot in this other life.” 

“I don’t think I am either, but you’re better . . . kind of like the way you are now.” 

He gave me a weird look and then argued, “Neither one of us miss now, so neither one of us is better.” 

I shook my head and kept on walking. “You’re response time and placement is still better. Take the damn compliment. You know you’re better.” 

He grinned and said, “Hey, which one of us do you think is better at sex?” I gave him an unsure smile, so he explained. “Not, between you and me. I mean between me and me?” 

“Not sure . . . sex with lots and lots of women compared to lots and lots of sex with 1 woman and a few before that? Hard to tell, but I think I win out either way.” 

Dean smiled briefly and then his smile fell. “So, are we good? Like on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do I have to do to make this up to you? I don’t even know how to –“ 

I’d had a long time to think about this. “Don’t die and go to Hell . . . Mostly, I’ve just been worried. Dad and I were talking about Fate one time, and he said Fate is like the etchings in a gravestone. The finer details get lost over time because of the changes wind or rain make to them, but the names and dates are scratched deeper and are harder to remove. At the time I told him that nothing was set in stone, you just had to do more to erase those etchings too, but . . . this is a big one. Look at your Dad. I think we both know that didn’t happen the way it was supposed to happen, but he still died. If we can stop this from happening the way it should, the fine etchings in your gravestone might be erased, but what if a brain aneurism or something else like that takes you out?” 

“That’s why you asked me if I believed in Fate when we were talking about my Dad that one time?” I nodded, so he said, “All right . . . think we need to figure out where things went wrong the last time and take it from there.”


	55. Questions Lead to More Questions

Dean watched Cas disappear with the two newest members of the ‘Psychics Worth Saving Club’ and hopped up on the bar. “What are we supposed to do with the other two?” 

Beth and Sam looked towards the bar door, and Sam said, “Other 3 . . . I guess we have to count me as one of them too.” 

Beth bit her bottom lip in thought and muttered, “I think we found a way to give Azazel exactly what he wants if you’re his number one draft pick, Sam.” Was this one of those feelings she had about their other life or just her thinking that’s what Azazel wanted? Beth looked back over at them, and was a caught a little off guard at the way they were both staring at her, like they wanted an explanation. 

She went over and sat on the floor against that beam Cas had thrown her into earlier. “Look at the psychics we’ve found here. How many of them were still living normal lives, or relatively normal lives . . . I mean Jackson might’ve been living on the streets to keep the people he loved safe, but that’s still a relatively normal life compared to being a hunter. Percy broke up with his girlfriend and stopped touching things, so he wouldn’t freeze them . . . people think he’s a germaphobe, but that’s still relatively normal. What did Azazel do when Sam looked like he was getting ready to commit to a normal life and went out shopping for engagement rings? He took Jess away from him, and Sam went back to hunting. Azazel’s been talking to all of them in their dreams and has been trying to push them into killing people the way he did Weber, and I’d say even that Scott guy was getting close to it . . . you heard the tapes with his shrink. He out and out asked his shrink if he wanted to shake his hand and find out if he was telling the truth, and he killed a freaking cat. That’s a big deal. Serial killers do that kind of shit . . . but Azazel’s never once contacted Sam directly. He doesn’t have to with Sam, because by our very definition, hunters are killers, and that’s what Azazel wants, killers. It doesn’t hurt that Sam has also been raised around supernatural entities his entire life, so he’s already at an advantage compared to the others even if they’re fast learners. I think Azazel was planning on saving Sam until the last round of this, so he’d have a better chance of living to the end, but with us here –“ 

Sam finished that for her with, “I have my own personal body guards? What the hell does he want me to do when this is over?” 

Beth sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know, but you can’t use your powers while you’re here, and I’ll tell you the same thing I’ve told the others. If any of them have to die, you’re not killing any of them. Leave that to us.” 

Sam looked from Beth to Dean. “She’s talking about murdering people, and you’re okay with this?” 

_Way to twist what she said, Sam._ “Have you seen her shirt? Where the hell do you think all that blood came from, Sam? It’s hers from when Ava stabbed her. If I hadn’t put Ava down, she would’ve finished the job before Cas got back and healed Beth. What would’ve happened with Weber if Beth hadn’t taken him out on that bridge? There was no way to talk a guy like that down. If the cops had come for him, he would’ve made them blow their brains out or told them to let him go, but he really liked killing, so I’m going with the first one. Once they go monster, I don’t think there’s any coming back for them.” 

Sam got all touchy and exclaimed, “You mean me, right?” 

Sighing, Dean said, “No, Sam, I don’t. We’ve gotten 4 of them out of here, because they were victims the same as any other hunt. The monsters would’ve killed them if we hadn’t. The monsters we kill are almost always wearing human skin right up until they show their fangs or claws . . . It’s just these monsters can shoot electricity out of their hands and get in our heads and control demons.” 

Sam threw him a bitch face, but before he could be a bitch about Dean calling the other psychics monsters, Beth said, “You all have demon blood in you.” 

That made them both pause. They both looked at Beth again for an explanation, and she slumped before she leaned her head back against the beam and looked at Sam. “When Cas first got here, he said that Jackson and Annie both had demon blood in their veins. He thought I wanted him to vanquish them because of it . . . I’m guessing it has something to do with why Azazel was there when you were 6 months old. Either that’s what gives you your powers, or it’s the way he’s able to keep tabs on all of you, or both, but I think giving into your darker nature, the dark nature every human being has, plays up to it and means when you go dark, you go really dark. It’s best not to give into it at all. Leave it to Dean and I.” 

Well, that effectively put an end to Sam’s ranting. Sam seemed equal parts shocked and defeated as he came to sit on the bar next to Dean. Beth looked like she felt bad about what she’d said and tried smoothing it over. “But I think you being here is a good thing. You can explain things a hell of a lot better than Dean or I can to the others. It’s not just about figuring out what to do with the ones that have gone bad. It’s just as much about keeping the ones that are good from going bad . . . and maybe now that you’re here, Azazel will finally let you know why all of this has happened. It’s what I think he did with Ava, but he only did it when she was asleep. I bet he’ll come to you in your dreams too. This is a mystery that’s been 24 years in the making . . . maybe it’s time for you to finally solve it.” 

Sam glanced at her and gave her a little nod of appreciation before his eyes narrowed. “It’s been a couple of days. When was the last time you ate or slept?” 

Beth looked awkward and then smiled when a thought struck her. “I got enough sleep when I was knocked out and brought here and Cas made me take a nap for about half an hour earlier.” Sam’s eyebrows rose in expectation, while he questioned her about eating. Holding her breath for a few seconds, like she’d been caught, Beth finally said, “I . . . well, I ate a wonton and a bite of a spring roll to let Annie know that the food I asked God to give them wasn’t poisoned.” 

Sam huffed in disgust and said, “You got food for them and forgot about you? You need to take care of yourself. What about your arm?” 

Giving Sam a big grin, Beth answered, “Cas healed it when he healed everything else,” before her smile fell, and she said, “You were probably right about fixing it before I left. It was sore when I woke up.” 

She was setting it up for Dean, so he could lead it into the next topic. “Yeah, but you wouldn’t know it to see her train with Cas. You were right . . . She is good. I actually think Cas is the one who trained her in that other life.” 

Sam quickly looked at him, so Dean explained his theory. “Their fighting style is exactly the same. Trust me. He was definitely her teacher.” 

Beth helped him out by pushing it to the next step. “And I wasn’t reincarnated the way I’m guessing Dean told you. He got it wrong. That life is happening right now . . . just in a different universe . . . you should see a picture of our daughter. She’s about 16 months old.” Sam went from looking like he was going to laugh to looking surprised when he read Dean’s reaction as being serious. 

The easiest way to do this was to show him the picture, so Dean pulled it out of the inside pocket of his jacket and handed it to Sam. “Check out the background. When you figure out where that picture was taken, I’ll tell you the rest.” 

Sam went from studying the picture for a few minutes to finally participating in Dean’s discussion with Beth on what they should do with the other two psychics. “You can’t say you’re psychics who just got here too. How do you know neither one of them can read your minds? We can’t lie to them, or they won’t believe anything we say. Right now they don’t know why they’re here, so unless they started killing everyone they met when they were out there in the real world, they won’t do it now until after Azazel tells them his plans for them. We’ll have time to explain things and tell them not to give into what he wants if we just wait for them to find us here. I doubt it’ll take very long. This town isn’t all that big.” 

But this was a neutral ground. “What happens if they destroy this place? Would we even have time to get to a new place and set it up before Azazel or his demons attack or another group of psychics shows up?” 

Sam glanced at Dean and shook his head. “I don’t know, Dean, but we have to try. We can’t just wait for them to kill each other. We need to find out why they’ve killed, and we have to do everything we can to keep them from giving into Azazel anymore than they already have. We won’t know if that process can be stopped if we don’t try.” 

“All right, but we stick together, and I want everyone armed and ready in case one of them goes off.” 

Sam breathed out a laugh and said, “You mean like when you brought that gun with you to go see Max? What if one of them takes it?” Dean ignored Sam and pulled his weapons bag closer anyway, so Sam looked at Cas. “What about him? Can’t he –“ 

Cas, who’d been watching their interaction, said, “I can help protect you from most things, but I don’t know what all of these psychics are capable of doing, and I think it would make your brother feel better if you all had something on hand that you can use to protect yourselves . . . even if what you have proves ineffectual.” 

Sam shook his head, like he didn’t understand that, and Beth quickly said, “Well, my outfit is accessorized with an angel blade, a silver knife, an iron knife, and my handgun. You’re always telling me to accessorize, and now that I have, you want me to stop?” 

Sam laughed. “Now you decide to listen to me after years of me trying to . . . Let me guess the dried blood adds to it? What, are you going to a Halloween party later?” 

Beth made a face and looked down at the blood. “I don’t know what to do about it. If we’re here for the long haul, I don’t know what to do about food or a fresh change of clothes or anything . . . We can’t just keep having Cas come and go out of this place the way he has been, because maybe one of the times he goes, he won’t be able to come back.” 

Shit. Hadn’t even thought about food or water or showers or anything else. Dean looked at Cas and said, “How about you go now and get us a lot of food . . . enough tins of it to feed us for 5 months –“ 

Sam quickly said, “5 months? That’s crazy, Dean!” 

Dean exhaled a laugh at how ridiculous this was, but it’s the only plan they had. “I know, but her Dad said that if she stayed here, it would be at least another 5 months.” 

Sam’s shoulders slumped as he remembered Gabriel saying that. “Well, then we’ll just have to find Azazel and end this sooner, because I am not going 5 months without a shower.” 

Beth laughed in response and said, “Nobody here wants to be around you for 5 months without a shower either.” 

Dean thought Sam’s reaction was pretty funny until Sam looked at him and said, “What about toilet paper, Dean? You gonna go 5 months without that?” _That’s not happening. Fuck. We need to think this out better._

Beth took a deep breath and got things back on course. “Here’s what I think. I think we should come up with a list of things that Cas can go get now, and then I think we should wait to make any other big decisions until Sam has his tete-a-tete with Azazel, so we can find out what he wants, or I guess we could try –“ 

Talking over her, Sam said, “Summoning him again? He won’t show up if he didn’t the last time. Whatever he did to stop himself –“ 

Cas explained that one. “For what it’s worth, if he has anti-summoning charms or marks on him, he won’t come unless he wants to come, and there are angel wards than could be used to keep me from returning here if they are put up after I leave.” 

Dean ran his hand through his hair and said, “Well, this just keeps getting better and better. Cas, you can read our minds, so I guess go get the stuff we’re all thinking we need. I don’t think we have time to make a list. The longer we wait, the more likely it is that he’ll lock you out of this town, so now would be better.” 

Cas disappeared, and Dean said, “What happens if we kill Azazel? Will all the psychics still have their powers? If they do, does that mean the ones that are already killing are going to keep killing? Will we have to track them all down?” This was a disaster. 

Sam tried to put his mind at ease. “One thing at a time Dean . . . And I give up. You wanna tell me what’s going on with this?” He held up the picture. _Damnit!_

Beth laughed while she got to her feet and said, “Good luck with that. I’m going upstairs to check the demon wards I put up and to have a little chat with my Dad.” As soon as she was gone, Sam turned and gave Dean an expectant look. He really didn’t want to do this, but it should come from him if it was going to come from anybody.

After Dean got it all out, Sam said, “So, you might not be my brother?” 

Dean quickly refuted that. “No . . . no matter what you’ll always be my brother, Sam . . . always.” 

Hanging his head, Sam said, “But what if I’m not? If Beth thinks this might be an alternate universe or something . . . what if God just fitted you into one where you would’ve died on that prom night for some reason, so nothing was out of place? Or what if my real brother didn’t die and just left? What if he’s out there somewhere with a different name and living a normal life? What happens to me if you survive this and make it home? Am I left with nobody? I guess if you die, and Beth dies, I’m left with nobody anyway, right?” 

Dean slumped and lowered his gaze to the floor before he exhaled a sad laugh. “I don’t know, Sammy. I mean what would you do if you were in front of God, and God said I was going to be reliving this part of my life . . . one where I died at the end? Would you –“ 

Sam shook his head and said, “There’s no way I’d turn that down if I thought I could do something to make it right the second time around.” 

Dean nodded, like that’s what he thought too. “But what if I had a daughter, and you knew she wouldn’t have anybody if I didn’t make it back?” 

Sam was quiet for a minute or two while he gave it some serious thought. “I still think I would’ve done it if I thought there was even a possibility of changing things, so you could make it back to her.” 

“Okay. We’ll go with that being what you did . . . anything about this life feel familiar? Like when Dad died, I felt like . . . there was a part of me that was relieved that he went the way he did instead of at the hands of the Yellow-eyed demon. Beth felt the same way. You get anything like that?” 

In confusion, Sam said, “I don’t understand how Beth could get a feeling about Dad’s death or Ava or the Roadhouse if she wasn’t with us the first time around.” 

Dean couldn’t remember, so he didn’t know for sure. “Maybe if she and I are together in that life the way we are in this one, I told her about it.” 

_Why does he look pissed off by that?_ “So, she remembers it better than us, because you told her about it? How does that make any sense?” 

“I wish I had more answers, but I don’t, Sam. What’s this place feel like to you? I just . . . there is something about this place that is screaming at me to get all of us out of here, and part of me thinking that this is where we have to be, because whatever bad shit goes down later starts with what happens here.” 

That seemed to wake Sam’s curiosity, because he looked around the room with a fresh pair of eyes and said, “No, I don’t get anything from this place, but then I haven’t seen the whole town. Maybe I would if I got out of here and had a look around.” 

Sam thinking that might be a possibility if he explored more could mean something, or maybe it meant nothing. It was hard to tell. “We’ll do that during our next break between psychics,” Dean promised. 

Sam sighed before nodding in agreement, and then a look of slight concern flickered across his face. “And we actually have angels that we have to worry about now too . . . Just when I think I’ve got my head wrapped around our lives, something else pops up that makes them even weirder. Anything else I should know?” 

“About this? I think you know everything I do . . . the other stuff can wait until after Azazel is gone.” Sam gave him a somewhat relieved side-glance, and it was a pretty good time to wrap it up, because it looked like they were getting the first of their psycho psychics now. Sam could do all the explaining on what was happening here to the psychic, and Dean was just going to cover the room, so he could be ready for any surprises.


	56. Talking It Out

Thankfully, Cas came back with a truckload of food. It may not have been steak and potatoes, but at least we could offer these two psychics something to eat while we all tried to pretend they weren’t killers. I flipped my sunglasses down halfway through our dinner and sat against the back wall, so I could sneakily get a better idea of what the two of them were all about. That guy had fewer kills, and they’d all been accidental. When he touched people, their lungs filled up with water, and they drowned in seconds. I swear as soon as the woman figured out that she could make people’s minds explode she lived for it. She was really dangerous. 

Dean came over to sit next to me and handed me a tin of peaches. “You’re doing it again, aren’t you?” 

Looking away from him, I answered, “Nah, just thought I’d catch some sleep, so I don’t have to listen to Sam complain about it when I stay up all night.” 

Dean leaned closer and said, “Seriously, what are we looking at here?” 

_A mistake?_ “He probably could’ve gone with the other two. He accidentally made a few people drown when he touched them . . . She is another story.” 

Dean nodded and looked down at his tin of food. “Might’ve been accidents, but those people are still dead.” 

_Can’t hold it against people for accidentally killing people._

“We can’t? Because I’m pretty sure that’s still . . . I don’t know . . . manslaughter or negligent homicide. How many are we talking here?” 

“3. It wasn’t until the second one that he realized it was his fault.” 

Watching the guy, Dean whispered, “What happened on the third one?” 

It was kind of sad actually. “He was helping somebody and forgot.” 

Dean shook his head in disappointment. “So, the first two . . . yeah, I get something like . . . let’s say he got some change from a cashier, touched her hand, and she just started drowning . . . It’d freak him out, but he wouldn’t think it was him until it happened again . . . But third one? If you figure out you can do freaky shit like that, you do what the big guy did, and you lock yourself away, so you don’t hurt anyone.” I was sure that there was more to it than that though. 

I locked down all of my emotions again to take a closer look at the man that time. “It was his grandmother. She fell down the stairs, and he went to check on her.” 

Dean’s shoulders dropped, and he closed his eyes briefly before he shook his head. “Fuck Azazel anyway . . . That really happened?” I nodded, so he said, “Was he the only one staying with her or –“ 

“I’m not a psychic. I only know what marks his soul. It was something bad he did, but it wasn’t intentional. There’s nothing but grief surrounding it instead of it being something he was proud of doing or did intentionally to get what he wanted. It’s not an unforgivable mark against him. It was an accident.” 

Dean looked at the guy again. “I don’t get this thing you can do. Why –“ 

“It gives me the facts, plain and simple. Did the person do something bad? What were the circumstances surrounding it? Is there remorse there? It makes it so I can be a jury to determine guilt and judge to determine sentencing. It prevents me from being an executioner if the situation doesn’t require it . . . Dad said that in this other life there’s nobody left to make those kinds of decisions, so I slip into the role of all three in extreme cases, and by extreme he meant people who were irredeemably bad . . . He says it doesn’t matter if they’re human or not to me, just whether or not there is anything good left in them.” 

Dean breathed out a disbelieving laugh. “What kind of world do we live in if there aren’t any judges and juries around?” When I didn’t say anything, Dean said, “If you’re killing people in this future life, what does your soul look like if you don’t feel bad about it?” 

_He wants me to do some self-reflection?_ I looked down at my chest. “I’ve killed a lot of people, Dean, but the only truly dark mark on my soul was put there when I killed that vampire a few months ago, because it was good, and my job is to protect the light in the universe, not destroy it and make the darkness stronger.” 

“How many?” Cas must’ve been listening, because he came over to us and defended me. “If you doubt that she is being truthful, because she is talking about herself, I can see her soul. She has only killed with good reason. She does not show mercy to those who were merciless themselves.” 

Dean shook his head and said, “What the hell kind of a life is it if she can go around killing people like that? And I left our daughter there alone?” He then looked down at his chest and then at me. “What about me? What kinds of –“ 

I looked away from him. “I can’t tell with you . . . I can’t maintain an objective point of view. I care about you too much.” Dean looked at Cas and asked him if he knew, and Cas said, “You have made mistakes, but you are a good man.” 

Dean looked back at me and asked about the girl psychic, and I said awkwardly, “Well, what Cas said kicked me out of my emotionless state, because he made me feel a lot of affection for him and you, but uh - From what I got when I looked at her a minute ago, she can fry people’s minds. The first one was a professor that was failing her in one of her classes. It was sort of an accident, but she wasn’t sorry that it’d happened. There are 9 more. Do you want the details? I can try it again.” 

Dean licked his bottom lip and then shook his head. “Nah, I don’t think you should use it much . . . how do you know it won’t have longterm effects?” 

“I don’t.” 

Dean gave me a once over and asked, “You feel all right?” 

“It takes a lot of concentration to get to that point, very little concentration to maintain it for as long as I need it . . . no more than I’d need to concentrate on walking, and no concentration at all to come out of it.” 

He went back to picking through his tin can. “Not what I asked.” 

“Yeah, but I thought you’d want to know that it doesn’t tire me out mentally to do it.” 

Before taking a bite, he clarified. “I know. Your Dad said it weakens you emotionally and physically. Don’t really know what that means, but that’s what he said.” 

Oh. Hard to say if what I’d just done effected either of those things. “I don’t know. I’m still sitting down, so I can’t tell if I’m physically tired, but I didn’t notice anything different yesterday after I did it.” That seemed good enough for him for now, because he started asking Cas more about angel wards.

Terry spent most of the rest of the evening alone, and Felicity seemed to have a bit of a thing for Sam. She seemed ok for now, but if any other girls had been here showing him any interest, I’d say she’d fry them in a heartbeat to get them out of the way. It’s not like she hadn’t done it for that exact same reason over a different guy already. When it was my turn to take the watch and let Dean sleep, we basically just switched it, so that I went from sleeping against his shoulder, to him sleeping against mine. Sam didn’t look like he was going to get much sleep at all. 

I remembered one time when we were on a hunt with John. Sam was like 17 or 18. We were out in the woods in Minnesota looking for a water wraith. It was Sam and mine’s turn to take the night watch, but he hadn’t really slept when he was supposed to be sleeping, because he’d had his nose in a book. He’d been pretending to read it, but he’d really been studying for the SATs, and I knew it. I’d called him on it, and he’d denied it at first, and then got annoyed that I’d been spying on him, but it wasn’t like I’d really been spying on him. I’d just picked up one of his books looking for a good read one time and saw what was hidden inside of it. I didn’t know if he necessarily believed me when I said that, but I think what he did believe was me telling him that if he wanted to go to college I was all for it. 

He’d been worried about telling his Dad and Dean, because he was worried about the kind of reaction he’d get from them. I’d told him that whatever reaction he got wouldn’t last forever. Dean wouldn’t be mad. He’d be hurt. John would be worried about him and sound like he was pissed off. That’s pretty much the way it’d played out. Dean had stood in the background watching Sam and John arguing, watching as Sam packed his bags and headed for the door, watching as John told Sam that if he walked out that door not to come back, and then flinched when the door slammed behind Sam. He hadn’t said a word. He’d been forgotten in Sam and John’s anger with one another. 

Anyway, as soon as Sam got what he’d been feeling out that night by the campfire and knew there was someone there who thought he should have a shot at going to college, he fell asleep on my shoulder. It might be a bit of a risky move considering Felicity was still awake and chatting to him about completely superfluous things, but I still waved Sam over, so he’d come sit next to me. I couldn’t be loud, because Dean wasn’t a heavy sleeper, but I waited until Sam settled in next to me, and then whispered, “You know if you aren’t from that other life, it doesn’t matter, right? I’ve known you for almost 12 years, and I’ve only known him for I’m guessing a 3 or 4 at most. You’ll be my favorite.” 

Sam ducked his head before flicking a puppy-eyes look my way. “What am I going to do if I’m not him?” 

Smiling briefly, I whispered, “I was thinking there might be 2 of you when we go back. My Dad said when we go back that we have to live with what we leave with from here we . . . I think he was mostly talking about my soul, or if we lost an arm or a leg just before the clock ran down, he wouldn’t be able to fix it when we got home, but what if it means people too?” 

Sam took that into consideration and then said with a smile, “You really think there’d be two of me?” 

Dean partially woke, and I waited for him to fall back asleep before I whispered, “Yeah, I do . . . I was thinking we could get you bunk beds or something, and you could play prank wars with each other . . . I wonder who’d come out on top.” 

Sam stifled a laugh. “I don’t think I want to have a prank war with me. I think we’d both end up losing.” His smile slid away before he looked down again. “So, you think I should think of him as some long lost twin or something?” 

“Yeah, Sam.” 

“I wonder what your daughter would do if she saw two of us there . . . maybe I should get a silver amulet too, so she thinks he’s the shifter.” I breathed out an almost silent laugh, and he said, “You think maybe Bobby is watching her if that picture was taken at his place? I mean I know he’s good at it, a lot better than our Dad was. Maybe I thought he could look after her if I didn’t make it back.” 

“If Bobby’s even still alive. I think where we come from is a really bad place. Maybe that’s why this is a do-over.” 

Sam pulled the picture out of his pocket and looked at Rogue while he said thoughtfully, “She looks a lot like you. Do you think your Dad spoils her too?” 

I licked my bottom lip and answered, “I think her own Dad spoils her, and my Dad helps . . . I think she has a good family around her, and that’s what matters.” Sam asked if Dean and I would let her go to college if she wanted, and I smiled. “You know it’s funny. Just before I called you over here, I was thinking about the SATs water wraith hunt.” 

He gave me a side-glance to acknowledge that he remembered that hunt, and then said, “Still a big fan of freedom to make personal choices

“Yeah, I am. I think it’s the way I told you I’d want it to be at the Roadhouse that one time. Dean and I are running around trying to rid the world of all the evil we can before she gets old enough to have to face it, and she’ll learn how to protect herself from anything that’s out there, but she can do what she wants as far as having a life goes. That’s what I think now, and that’s what I think we both want for her in that other life too.” 

He relaxed a little and then smiled. “So, if that’s what you were thinking about before you called me over here, I take it this is your way of telling me I should get some sleep?” I nodded, so he said, “I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to Azazel.” 

_I’d love a chance to take to that dickhead again._ “Dean and I are here. We’ll be here when you wake up, and we’ll be here while you sleep, so you’ll be safe . . . Plus, there’s an angel standing over there, and he’s keeping watch over everything too.” 

Sam nodded before he took off his jacket and balled it up into a pillow. “You’re too short to sleep on now . . . Plus, I don’t think Felicity would like it all that much, and I don’t have a good feeling about her.” 

“I’m not short. You’re too tall, and you’re right about her. She’s killed 10 people for personal gain.” 

He glanced at her again and shook his head before he tossed his jacket on the floor next to me and laid his head down on top of it. “If anything happens, wake me up.” Yeah. No problem there. 

“If anything happens, you two will be the first to know.” That seemed all right with him. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep after that.


	57. Too Little Too Late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's sex in this. If you don't want to read it, you don't have to read it. It's marked at the start and end in bold font.

Dean was jostled awake abruptly as Beth stood up and ran over to that Terry guy. He looked over to his left and saw Sam sitting up, and then Sam shouted, “Beth, no!” When Dean looked back over at her, she was standing over a sleeping Felicity with her handgun drawn and pulled the trigger. Sam was on his feet a second later and went over to Felicity while Beth went back to Terry and tried to shake him awake. That’s when Dean got to his feet and shouted for Beth not to touch him, but when he got there he saw that she was being careful to just touch the guy’s clothes. The guy was a mess. He had blood coming out of his eyes, ears, nose and mouth. What the fuck happened? Terry’s listless eyes landed on Beth’s face, and she touched the top of the guy’s head, so she could try to comfort him without touching his skin. “I’m sorry Terry . . . I wasn’t fast enough. I –“ 

Terry shook his head a little and breathed out, “Don’t be,” with his dying gasp. 

Beth looked behind her at Cas and said, “Is he?” Cas nodded, so Beth closed Terry’s eyes and got to her feet before she stalked over to Felicity. Sam was trying to help Felicity stop the bleeding, and Beth told Sam to get away from her. 

“Why? What are you going to do? You shot her, Beth! She was asleep, and you shot-“

Dean pushed Sam away from Felicity, so he could try to get Sam to calm down. “You wanna feel bad for someone, go feel bad for Terry. That Felicity chick just killed him.”

And then Dean didn’t know what happened, because he and Sam went flying across the room. When they scrambled to get back on their feet and turned, it was in time to see Cas receive the same fate, but land on the other side of the room. Beth was nowhere in site. Dean’s gun was in his hand. Felicity was on her feet even after being shot point blank in the shoulder, and Sam said, “Felicity? What –“ 

Felicity, looking like a kid at Disney World for the first time, looked around with wonder and said, “All you have to do is open yourself up to it . . . Stop trying to fight what we are, and you can do all kinds of things, Sam.” 

_Can they fucking heal themselves once they go dark? How the fuck is she still standing?_ She looked at Dean, and he froze. _What the fuck?! Oh, that fucking request Beth made to God that brought Sam here had that part to it too. God is fucking hilarious._

Felicity looked confused and Sam seized the opportunity to ask, “What are you doing to him?” 

“I want him to blow his brains out, but –“ 

Sam took a step forward, because for some reason he thought she could still be talked down. “You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to give into what he wants.” 

Felicity smiled a creepy ass smile and said,“I know, but I want to . . . it’s fun. It’s a shame I have to do this, Sam. I really would’ve liked to get you into bed first,” before Sam landed on his knees and started pulling at his neck with his hands, like something was choking him. Dean couldn’t really see him, but he could see movement out of the corner of his eye and heard him gasping for air. 

Cas tried to intervene and started being flung around the room, like a rag doll, knocking into walls and beams, and this whole fucking place was going to come down on top of them if she kept this shit up. Tables and chairs and a truckload of tinned food and their weapons bags were flying around the room, like they were in the middle of a fucking tornado. Something, it felt like a tin of food, smacked into Dean’s side. He was sure he heard a rib crack just before another tin of food pelted him in the side of the head, and that hurt, like a mother. _Didn’t think this one through, did you, God? Or maybe you did, and you just like fucking with me._ Felicity was saying some bullshit about having power over angels, and then amidst all the chaos, there was a gunshot from behind the bar, and Felicity landed on her face. 

Cas and everything that’d been flying around the room landed in a heap on the floor, Sam could breath, and Dean could move. He looked over behind the bar and saw a shaky Beth using the bar for support while she tried to get to her feet. Blood pouring down the side of her face, and she looked over at Sam. “The next time one of them starts killing the others like that . . . I’m just going for a headshot, not the shoulder, so they don’t have time to go nuclear . . . agreed?” Sam hesitantly nodded, and Beth’s flicked towards Cas. “You okay, Cas?” 

Getting to his hands and knees, Cas looked up at her and said, “I don’t understand . . . When they reach their full potential, these psychics, as you call them, are a more serious threat than anything I have seen in quite some time. Why are my brothers and sisters doing nothing about them?” 

Beth looked down at the bar and took a couple of deep breaths. “To do nothing is to side with evil. Maybe they’re in on it or approve, Cas . . . I think I’m going to be sick.” She went towards the door, and Dean went to follow her, but Sam said he’d take care of it and told him to take care of Cas, because Cas didn’t look all that much better.

Dean helped Cas to his feet and got him to a barstool. The first thing Cas said was, “You were hurt. Let me heal you.” 

Dean was in the middle of saying he was fine when Cas put his hand on Dean’s shoulder, and Dean felt warm and then like his side wasn’t on fire anymore. He asked Cas if there was anything they could do to heal him, and Cas said he’d heal on his own. It’d just take time. Looking down at Felicity’s body . . . It was a headshot all right. Perfect shot through the right temple . . . Dean rolled her over to have a look at where Beth shot her in the shoulder earlier, and hole was still there, so it’s not like Felicity had healed herself. She’d just blocked it out the way Beth blocked things out when she got hurt. 

“Do you think my brothers and sisters have something to gain from this?” 

Dean looked back over his shoulder at Cas. “All I know is that angels aren’t the saints we’re told they are. Look at what they did to Beth . . . They took her the day she was born, ripped out half of her soul, and tortured her for decades in Heaven.” Cas looked like he was going to disagree with that, so Dean stood and said, “Can you see my memories? Gabriel showed me what her soul looked like when he met her. If you can –“ He stopped and made an annoyed face when Cas put his palm on Dean’s forehead for a few seconds. 

“That is probably because she is a nephilim . . . They are abominations, therefore, whoever did this thinks that she is expendable and that they were not breaking any rules by doing it.” 

That was bullshit. “She’s a person. She matters.” 

Cas exhaled a tired sigh and said, “I did not say that it was right. I am telling you why it happened . . . She is lucky to be alive. We are normally told to kill nephilim on the day they are born. If we don’t know about them, we are still supposed to kill them when we come across them . . . although if I met her, I would not know that’s what she is. They tore out her grace. If I were to remove mine, it would be like you removing a vital organ with a spoon. I cannot imagine how an infant would survive something like that, especially if they also have had half of their soul removed. You are lucky to ever have met her. The odds of survival were not in her favor.” 

Dean looked back towards the doorway she and his brother went out before he leaned closer and said, “Her Dad said she can tap into her soul, because she had to learn how to hold herself together after what they did to her. Is that really why –“ 

Cas’s gaze followed Dean’s towards the door. “From what you just showed me, I’d say that is the case. She is not the first human to be able to do that, but it is rare . . . much rarer than preventing me from knowing what she thinks. You need not fear her. She has neither the height nor strength of a nephilim, and she cannot see my true form. She is not really a nephilim anymore. She ceased to be one when they took her grace.” 

_Fear?_ “I’m not afraid of her. I –“ 

“You are more afraid of her than you are your brother, and you don’t even know what a nephilim is, but you do know what he is and has the potential to become.” 

“Sam would never be like Felicity was. It’s just not in him to –“ 

Cas didn’t like that. “And why do you think Beth would?” 

“Stop putting words in my mouth. Why are you getting all defensive of her? Is this a half-angel thing, because her Dad –“ 

Cas stood up and said, “No, I could say that it is because God sent me here to help her.” Yeah, Cas could say that, but it’s not what he wanted to say. Cas looked at him and responded, “She has no more control over who her father is than you do, and if it were not for Gabriel, she would not exist, so ask yourself whether or not you would rather she not exist than have a father who is an archangel,” before he went out the door to see what Sam and Beth needed him to heal.

Sam helped Dean get rid of the bodies later, and asked him what he did to annoy Cas. “What? I didn’t do anything. Did he say I –“ 

Sam laughed. “He’s been going around complimenting Beth ever since he came out to take care of her head. She got annoyed and told him to stop, so he said he didn’t think she heard enough compliments from you . . . Either you did something to annoy him, or he’s trying to steal her away from you . . . maybe both.” 

Dean lit the match and threw it into the salted grave. “All I did was ask him a question about her being half-angel, and he got offended the way her Dad did . . . said I was afraid of her and that if it weren’t for Gabriel, she wouldn’t be here . . . asked if I’d rather have that than have Gabriel be her Dad . . . You really think he’s hitting on her?” 

Sam shook his head. “Man, I don’t get you. You have something I’ve been looking for my whole life . . . something normal, except you get to bring your piece of normal out on the road with you, and here you are letting a little thing like her Dad being an archangel get in the way of that? Or is that what this is? You thought she was normal, and now that you know she’s not, it ruins this little fantasy you have about the two of you?” 

Dean ignored it and threw some more accelerant onto the bodies to get this done faster, so Sam said, “You think you’ll let her go again?” 

_What?_ “Where the hell did you get –“ 

Sam shrugged. “That’s the other option. Get over your crap, and let it go, or let her go.” _Yeah, that went so well the last time._ “Is that what you’re thinking of –“ 

“Why, Sam? You finally want to have your shot with her?” 

That didn’t get the reaction he’d been expecting. He’d been hoping that it’d make Sam uncomfortable, so he’d shut up. Instead, Sam said, “You know what? Maybe I might . . . if I didn’t think you’d skin me alive. Nah, I was thinking more like Cas might be a good match for her.” 

_What the fuck?_ “If you’re so into her, then why don’t you go for it, and good luck getting out of the little brother-zone . . . That’s a hell of a lot harder to get out of than the friend-zone.” 

“You sure about that, Dean?” 

Dean pursed his lips together and shrugged before he said, “Yeah, sure . . . let me just go tell her it’s over, and you can see what happens . . . I’m guessing she’ll have this place burned to the ground and Azazel dead in the next 24 hours . . . and then you and Cas can have your shot with her, but she’ll always come back to me whenever I say the word, so don’t expect it to last.” 

Probably shouldn’t have said that, because Sam got all pissy and cried, “Do you have any idea how that sounds?” Yeah, he did, but it didn’t make it any less true. They were soul mates, but them staying together depended entirely on him. If he walked out the door and didn’t come back, she wouldn’t look for him. If he came back, she’d take him back.

Sam threw his shovel on the ground and turned to see Beth leaning against the barn behind them with her arms crossed over her chest. “Uh, Beth, I –“ 

Beth nodded in the direction of the saloon as a way to tell Sam to get lost, and he took off in that direction. When it was just the two of them, Dean said, “You here to help, or –“

Beth stayed where she was and casually said, “Well, I came to keep a look out, and I guess it’s a good thing I did, because neither one of you were paying attention to your surroundings . . . I’m not planning on picking up his shovel if that’s what you’re asking.” 

Dean ducked his head and nodded. “How long were you . . . Do we need to talk about –“ 

“Do you think we need to talk about it? I mean, I know you said what you said, because you were annoyed and trying to get him to fuck off, but it wasn’t necessarily a wrong analysis of how things are with us. If you wanted to leave, I’d let you go. There is nobody else that would ever mean what you do to me, so if you came back, I’d take you back.”

Dean rested his forearm on top of the shovel and said, “You telling me I can leave if I want?” 

As soon as he said it, he wished he hadn’t, because Beth said, “Well, I was saying that I understood why you said what you did, but if that’s what you want, I won’t stop you.” 

_She meant that. How the fuck could she say that and mean it? That’s why she didn’t call after I broke up with her. She doesn’t need me the way I need her._ It felt like he’d been punched in the gut, and all she’d had to say was, ‘If that’s what you want, I won’t stop you.’ Why not? Maybe he was more alone in this than he’d thought because if she wanted to leave, he’d do everything he could to get her to stay. 

Before he said anything she added, “I’ll always want you, Dean, but . . . if we can’t change Fate and things end up the way they did the last time, I’d understand if you want to see what else is out there . . . I know being with one person probably seems like a waste after –“ 

He dropped the shovel and told her to shut up while he closed the distance between them and slammed his mouth over hers. When he came up for air a few minutes later he put his forehead on hers and panted out, “I don’t want anyone else . . . I don’t want you to just let me go if I try to end things. I want you to fight with me . . . punch me, kick me, argue, burn my fucking wallet, whatever, but show me that it matters if –“ 

**She lifted** her chin to rejoin their lips. He felt himself start to be swept away by it, so he pulled back again a minute later, because he wanted a resolution to this, and she whispered, “I don’t want to force you to be with me if it isn’t what you want . . . If you want to go –“ 

His mouth claimed hers again, and the little moan she gave a few minutes later as his hands undid her bra brought him to his senses, so he pulled back enough to say, “What I want . . . is for you to tell me that you don’t want me with anyone else . . . tell me that it’d piss you off . . . tell me you only want me with you,” between kisses, and then he forgot what he was trying to do here until a minute later. “Say it.” 

Keeping his lips an inch away from hers, his hands gently felt their way along the skin under her shirt as they urged her to say what he wanted. Her body arched back a little when they got to their destination, and then she said, “Okay, I hate it . . . I hate the idea of you being with anyone else in any kind of way . . . I’m all yours . . . I want to know that you’re mine . . . and I don't think I am.“ 

His mouth crashed over hers before he picked her up and found the barn door. Bringing them through it, he kicked it closed behind him, so he could put her down and pin her body against it with his while he undid her belt. "I knew you got jealous . . . that’s the only way you could know what it felt like.” He’d just gone about getting her to admit it the wrong way. 

“I don’t get jealous, Dean. I just don’t get it.“ 

He paused. “Don’t get what?” She looked away from him. Whatever it was, she really didn’t want to say it, so he decided to distract her by roughly kissing her again and enjoyed the sound of her moan as he slid his hand inside her jeans. “Don’t get what?” 

She went from looking at his lips to looking him in the eye and said, “It’s like it’s forced on you . . . because of the soul mate thing . . . I’m not even human . . . You should be running away, and it’s what you want to do . . . but you haven’t, because you can’t . . . and it’s not fair on you . . . You could be with anyone else, and I may hate the idea of it, but you should have a chance to –“ He cut her off with a kiss and eased up on the interrogation by taking his hand back and focusing on that kiss. There was no way he could argue against that. He couldn’t tell her any of the things he loved about her and have her believe him, because she’d just say he only thought that because they were soul mates. 

**Somehow** she ended up on the ground under him before he got ahold of himself and pulled back. “Can you feel what I’m feeling?” 

“Yes.”

“Then you know.” She went to disagree with him, and he said, "You may not believe it or think that it’s real, but it is. So you know.” He couldn’t really tell her why she meant what she did to him, but he could show her. Words didn’t mean anything. Actions did. Sex . . . the kind of sex they used to have before Azazel came back into their lives . . . It meant something to both of them. Maybe she’d forgotten what it was like, because it was something they hadn’t had in too long, and if that was the case, then he needed to remind her. It seemed like the best place to start if he wanted to get something back that he felt was slipping away from him and had been for a while now. 

It wasn’t her not talking to him before she got brought here that was the problem. That was just a symptom, but none of the other symptoms had been big enough to get his attention the way that had. Things might’ve started down this road after Azazel almost killed her at Stanford, because they’d had to deal with Sam being a dick for a few months, but a big part of it was when Dean left her, and he’d never really fixed that the way he should have, because there hadn’t been time. There wasn’t much time left if he couldn’t find a way around dying, so he needed to start making the time while he still had it.


	58. Piecing Things Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is sex in this one too. You don't have to read it. It's marked in bold at the start and end.

“Uh, guys? You decent?” 

I laughed while I looked down at Dean. Not really. I still answered, “Why wouldn’t we be decent, Sam?” 

**Dean quickly** tried to sit up. When that didn’t work, because of the blindfold and handcuffs, he quickly started to protest, so I lifted up a little, circled my hips, and then pushed down harder. I had to cover his mouth my hand when he started to groan as Sam said, “Come on . . . I know you two . . . Not sure how burying bodies can turn you on, but you two always come back looking way too happy after you do.“ 

I kept my hand over Dean’s mouth until he nodded he’d keep quiet and then said, “What do you want, Sam?” 

Sam laughed. “You’re not really having sex, are you?” 

_Oh, I think I found just the right spot for Dean and I and oh . . ._ “No, Sam. What do you need?” 

Dean leaned up and whispered, “I need you to keep doing that.” 

I whispered, “Ok,” and kept it going while I broke out in a good sweat and I could feel the energy building and washing over me. 

“If I come in there, I’m not going to walk in on anything, am I?” 

_Good luck getting in here. You’ll have to climb in through a window._

I quickly said, “Yeah, sure go for it,” and laughed when Dean started to panic. 

“He can’t come in here!” 

“You’re only saying that, because you’re the one tied up right now.” I sat back, put my feet up by his shoulders, my hands on his thighs and changed the movement of my hips, and it got a whole lot harder for him to keep it quiet. “Oh, God!” 

I laughed a mischievous laugh and said, “If you’re really worried about it, Sam, you can wait for us to come out. Or come in through a window . . . We’ve got stuff up against the door, and we’re kind of tied up with carrying stuff around, so we we can set this up as a secondary site in case anything happens to the saloon.” 

I had to bite my lower lip to keep from making any noise myself as I moved a little faster, and Dean growled out, “Fuck, Beth . . . you trying to kill me?” 

After that, Sam said, he’d do a walk around with Cas and help us with the heavy lifting when that was done, so I went back to straddling Dean. It was his turn. “You ready to be let out of your cage?” 

He smiled. “What do you think?” 

I reached up for the key that was hanging on a nail above where his hands were cuffed and muttered, “I think I’m in for some serious trouble.” 

Just before I turned the key to let him go, he asked, “You close?” 

“What do you think?” 

He smiled again and said, “I think you are in for some serious trouble,” before he flipped me under him and simultaneously snapped the handcuff around one of my wrists. He took his blindfold off, so he could see while he took the key out of the cuff that was now on me and undo his other wrist. When he was free, I let him take my other hand and put it in the restraint, and then he looked down at me before smiling again. “Nah, I’m feeling nice . . . just have one rule.” I looked up at him expectantly, and he said, “No holding back . . . I want you to make as much noise as you can.” 

“That’s not nice!” Just before he took the plunge he gave me that cocky grin he has and said, “Deal?” 

I breathed out, “Deal,” and holy fuck, that was some re-entrance. I cried out seconds before my head hit the beam behind me, and then I had to push off of it to meet him, so I didn’t get brain damage as he hammered me home. I gave him everything he wanted, but he wasn’t done yet. He put my legs over his shoulders, and held my hips up to the right position, so every time he entered it was one glorious hit against my g-spot after the other. There was no way I could have held back unless it was one of the rules, and even then it would’ve been a struggle. 

That time he came with me, but he decided he wasn’t done yet and kept me stimulated in a multitude of ways. I was in the middle of a whimper when Sam came back. “Everything okay? We thought we heard someone yelling.” 

Dean started laughing and said, “Don’t forget the rule,” but kept going.

“Ohh, uh, ohh, fuck . . . Yeah, Dean stubbed his toe and then I accidentally dropped . . . ohh, fuck . . . a big heavy box on it.” 

**Dean and I** both started giggling before he rested his head on my chest and said, “I’m fine now though.” We both started laughing again, and he told me I didn’t have to follow that rule anymore before he looked back at the door and added, “Still don’t have everything moved away from the door . . . Might be another half hour before we do. I’ll come get you when we’re done . . . anybody new show up?” 

Sam stepped back from the door sounding confused and said, “Uh, no . . . I’ll make lunch when you’re ready.” 

When Dean looked back down at me, he exhaled another laugh. “There’s no way he thinks that was me.” 

I giggled again. “I don’t know. He seemed to buy it pretty fast.” 

Dean’s smile fell a little. “We’re good, right?” I slumped and gave him a nod. He’d been asking me that same thing every day for the last month. “I keep asking, because I’m still not sure.” 

“Why? What am I doing wrong?“ 

He started playing with the ends of my hair and shrugged. “Nothing . . . just feel like I have a lot of things to make up to you, and I want to make sure I’m on the right track.” 

“Dean, you never have to earn what I feel for you. It’s free of charge, and there is nothing you need to make up to me.” 

He gave me a hopeful smile and said, “I do, but I think I finally figured it out . . . If we’re soul mates, you think I’m only with you because I need you. If I want you, it has nothing to do with that . . . just have to prove that I want you and don’t need you now.” 

I smiled at how sure he was of himself. He was probably on the right track, but before I could say anything, he leaned down to gently kiss me and then rested his forehead on top of mine. “What are you going to do if I don’t make it?” 

Yeah, Cas had confirmed that soul mates lose the will to live without the other one. When one dies, the other one may not die at the exact same time, but they’re not usually too far behind . . . could be hours, could be days. If this ended with Dean’s death, then in theory, I could go back to our old life without him, but I didn’t know if that meant I’d die when I got there or if that wouldn’t carry over to that life from this one. “I don’t know, Dean . . . Make sure you do.” 

He nuzzled into my neck and asked, “What if I can’t?” 

“That’s not an option.” 

“It’s more likely to happen than not.” 

“No, I think we’re supposed to fix it . . . any closer to figuring out why you don’t like that one spot near the fence?” 

He shook his head. “No . . . I have 4 more months to figure it out.” 4 months . . . less, I’d say. The psychics were dropping like flies now. Azazel had started having their families killed in front of them, so there was nobody for them to go home and protect . . . no reason to stay good. Concussions, bruises, being thrown around the place, invisible stranglings, and once Sam was impaled by an icicle that a girl could shoot out of her hands, those things were the norm almost every single day. It was tiring, and I don’t think that the first time around, these people were being put down as fast by each other as we were putting them down. Cas had even smote more than a couple, and I don’t think he was involved the first time around at all. 

After eavesdropping on my thoughts, Dean absentmindedly unlocked my wrists from the cuffs with one of his hands and said, “You think we’re running out of time?” 

I bit my lower lip and nodded. “How many have we been through now? I’d say that we are going to hit that halfway mark in a week and a half.” 

Dean returned to playing with the ends of my hair. It seemed to be something he did when he was unsure. “So, we’re cutting the time from 5 months to 2 ½?” 

Yeah, there weren’t an unlimited number of psychics, and he’d speculated there were about 300 to start off with. “It’s really messed up this mass grave we’ve got going on here too,” I answered with a sigh. 

Dean went from looking at the tips of my hair to looking at me. “They’re going bad, Beth. What are we supposed to do? We can’t even have Cas take the ones that haven’t killed people home, because they don’t have homes anymore, and they’re going bad too . . . You think Sam’ll go bad? You think maybe that’s why I’ve got a bad feeling about that spot? You think that’s where it’ll happen?” 

I shook my head, and he looked like he wanted more input from me on it than that, so I answered, “I think he died there.” 

That drew all of his attention. “Why?” 

What else could it have been with the visceral kind of reaction Dean had every time he was near the place? “We now know that Sam was probably brought here in the other life, and that Azazel only wants one of them. If Sam was brought here alone, he wouldn’t have killed any of them if it’s what Azazel wants, simply because he hates Azazel and because he wants to believe that people are fundamentally good. I think he was brought here in the final round and was taken out by a psychic. I think you saw it happen, or you wouldn’t feel so strongly about that spot.” 

Dean started to go a little pale and sweaty, so I quickly sat up, and he followed my cue by doing the same before looking around for his shirt and then throwing it on. I did the same, and was fully dressed at approximately the same time as him. I was still tying one of my boots when he pulled the barn door open, but caught up to him as he jogged over to that spot in the woods. 

When we got there, he stopped to circle it, like he was looking for something before he stopped and said, “You think it happened here?” I looked down at the path and nodded. His reaction was immediate and almost . . . desperate. “I think we need to work on this more together. I think you remember a hell of a lot more than you think you do, but you didn’t live it, so you can’t feel whether or not what you say is right as well as I can . . . I’m like your lie detector test . . . What you said, feels right even if I don’t remember it. What else? What about this place over here?” 

He walked back towards a fence, and I followed him. When we got there, I looked from there to spot where Sam presumably died. Looking back at the fence again, I said, “A fight maybe . . . maybe Sam thought it was over, so he left the person here, and walked that way along the trail . . . the person got back up and attacked him from behind, and that’s what lead to him dying over there, but the only way you could get a feeling about this spot by the fence is if –“ 

Dean looked back over to the spot on the trail and said, “I saw that person come from here? Was Sam walking towards me?” Dean went back over to that spot on the trail before he ran his hand through his hair and took in the whole scene again. “Any ideas on . . . you know . . . me?” I had one, but I didn’t necessarily want to say it. “Well, what is it?” 

Missouri, I hope you were right about this whole, thinking things through idea. “We know that Sam was alive to help raise our daughter, right? That means him dying here wasn’t permanent.” Dean watched me and nodded briefly while he waited for the other shoe to drop. “I’ve only seen you get pale and shaky the way you just did one other time.” 

Dean looked confused, and then the understanding of what I meant dawned on him. “The crossroads case . . . You think I made a deal? But those deals are supposed to be 10 years, not –“ 

“It explains why that case made you feel the same way I do . . . I was tortured in Heaven, but you were tortured in Hell . . . and then you were brought back. Why didn’t you get 10 years? Maybe they want you in Hell for some reason. What if that’s why the angels are sitting back and watching how this whole thing unfolds? What if this is just one cosmic game of chess, and you and Sam are at the center of it? Maybe Azazel wants Sam to be his last psychic standing, but maybe he’d be just as happy that Sam died if it means you’ll make that deal?” 

Dean looked like he was going to be sick. Any color he’d gotten back on the way over here had been completely washed away. “I need a drink.” 

I looked back towards the saloon and said, “We don’t have any.” 

“I need a fucking drink, Beth. I need you to –“ 

_God, I know I said we need protection, and we do. I don’t know if this interfere’s with that, but if it doesn’t, Dean could use a whiskey –_ I guess I could’ve asked Cas to get him some, but Dean seemed like he was more panicked than I’d ever seen him be, and God was on ball. I guess maybe that’s the first time I’d asked him for anything, since Sam got here a month ago. 

A bottle of whiskey showed up on the ground in front of Dean, and he quickly swiped it up, so he could twist the cap off and down a few shots worth. He made a face and lifted the bottle towards me while he asked if I wanted any. Not really, but if it meant it was a few shots less that he’d drink, ok.

I guess it’d been a while since Dean had anything to drink. Maybe that’s why after half a bottle, I had to help guide him back to the saloon. Before we got to the door, he told me not to say anything to Sam, but there’s no way I was keeping this from Sam. We needed to be in this together, and we needed to come up with contingency plans on what to do for any scenario possible. Once we got out of this hellhole, we could figure out how to get Dean off of Death’s roster . . . we had a year and 4 months to do that. 

Of course I didn’t say that to Dean, because I wasn’t going to lie to him. Instead, I told him to take a step and then helped him through the door. “What happened to him? Where’d he find that?” 

Both perfectly reasonable questions, that Dean answered by saying, “It’s whiskey from Heaven, Sam. Can’t be pissed about that.” Sam helped me sit him down on a stool by the bar, and then I told Cas to come keep an eye on him while Sam and I went to go do the rounds of the town again. We left to Dean shouting, “Don’t tell him Beth. I don’t want him to know. Don’t fucking tell him.” _Cas, keep him here._

Cas gave me a nod, and as soon as we were out the door, Sam said, “What happened? He’s been doing really well lately.” 

Laughing uncomfortably, I said, “We, uh, we figured out where it all went wrong, and, uh, why he died.” Sam stopped and turned me to face him, but before he could say I needed to tell him what it was, I beat him to the punch. “Turns out your expiration date is a hell of a lot sooner than Dean’s . . . should be at the end of the 5 months, but with the way we’ve been flying through psychics, it’s more like in another month and a half.” 

He slumped and went from being annoyed and worried about his brother to saying, “What?” 

“That spot he’s always going on about . . . We think that’s where you died, and we think that . . . well, we think that the reason you were still alive to help us raise our daughter is because Dean made a crossroads deal to bring you back, and that’s why he’s supposed to die in like a year and 4 months . . . less if we keep going through these psychics so fast.” 

I think he stopped breathing, and then he did something I wasn’t expecting. He turned around and went back into the saloon. Dean was in the middle of giving me a dirty look and shouting, “You told him? I told you I didn’t –“ when he had to stop, because then he and Sam started fighting over the bottle of whiskey. 

Sam eventually won, and then he surprised Dean by opening the bottle and drinking a few shots himself. As soon as that happened, Dean relaxed and watched Sam sit next to him before Sam took another drink and said, “We need to talk.”


	59. Sam's Deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a switch from the past to the present after the break.

After Cas disappeared, Sam took a deep breath to stay calm. Now he was alone face-to-face with God. “If this is about changing Dean’s fate of going to Hell, then he has to have chosen to go, or –“

Chuck interrupted him by saying, “Why did Dean make that crossroads deal, Sam?”

“Because I died, but –“

“Do you think any Dean Winchester has ever not made that deal, Sam?”

Sam didn’t know. He didn’t know there more Dean Winchesters out there. “Okay, so if I agree and Dean doesn’t, then I’d still be paired up with Dean . . . just a different one?“

“If he didn’t agree to go on the mission . . . but that wouldn’t make him any less of a person or real or important to his own universe.”

Sam wasn’t entirely sure about that. To him, his brother was one of a kind and the only one that mattered . . . He suspected God thought the same, or God wouldn't have chosen this Dean out of all the others. "And if they're doing this mission . . . I'll be sent to the same . . . what is it, a universe? I'll be sent to the same one they're in if I agree to go?"

Chuck didn't say anything. Did that mean if Sam agreed to this, he could be sent somewhere different and wouldn't be helping his brother at all . . . just some other random Dean Winchester out there? "But if Beth's there, then it has to be my brother, right?"

Chuck relaxed back in his chair a little more and then shrugged. "She's in other universes too . . . just not very many, and there are only two where she goes by the name, Beth." So, Sam could be putting his life on the line to help a Dean and Beth who weren't even his family? Chuck didn't look like he was going to answer that one way or the other, so Sam would leave it for now.

“You said something about dropping us off at the Alpha Vamp’s Army . . . Why? I’m thinking there’s nothing you do that doesn’t have an ulterior motive.”

“Well, it’ll take everyone at least 2 weeks to get here from where they are, be it 2 weeks traveling mostly on foot for Dean, and 2 weeks setting up Colorado time for Beth, or 2 weeks in another universe training . . . thought I’d make things a little easier . . . You’ve all earned at least a lift to Vermont.” Something told Sam that was a load of crap and only partially true. Gabriel could take them all to Vermont if they wanted to get there faster than it'd take to drive there.

“Does Beth need to be in Vermont?”

“Well, it’s where she was going when she and Gabriel were done in Colorado.”

Sam thought about it. Maybe he could throw a wrench in whatever Chuck was planning in 2 weeks time. He could tell Chuck, 'Thanks, but no thanks on the lift,' but maybe after what felt like 13 years, they’d need something immediate, like fighting an army of monsters, to remind themselves they were here after that much time away. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea, but at the same time, it felt like Sam should switch things up and not give Chuck everything he wanted. “Beth wasn’t going there next. She was coming here to see Rogue for a few extra days to make up for not seeing her, while she was closing these trading posts and monster facilities down. Seeing Rogue would remind her she’s really home just as well as fighting an army of vamps. Could you send her here and Dean, me, and Cas to Vermont?”

“Yeah, I could do that.” 

That was way too easy. What if he’d just given Chuck what he really wanted? “I have one condition. I’m not asking for the rules to be broken. If it’s important to you that we not remember anything about this life, while we’re in that life, I don’t need to remember it if they can’t, but I want to remember this meeting when the time is right.“

“You mean if Dean agreed to take Beth on this training exercise?”

Yeah, Sam still didn’t now one way or the other, whether or not they were even there or which Dean and Beth he'd be getting. “I guess . . . The point is, important things seem to have happened when Beth met you, and she still doesn’t know what they are. I don’t want to be in her shoes.” 

Chuck looked up at the the ceiling with a slight squint, like he was thinking about it and then said, “Well, you can’t remember this meeting the whole time. I don’t think it really matters if you remember me, because you never met me back then, but I probably still won’t let you remember my face to be on the safe side.” 

Sam wanted a little more clarification than that. “So, if they are there, and they are my real family, I’ll remember it when the time is right?”

“How about this . . . if they are there, and if they can figure out the major points of your life back then without being able to remember it, and if they tell you what they’ve figured out, I’ll let you remember this meeting.” 

_That’s crap!_ Chuck raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. Sam huffed out a sigh and said, “It’s like 60/40 that Dean did this to get some time alone with Beth and make up for lost time . . . 80/20 that he did it if you didn’t fill him in on any of the bad things that might happen . . . 100 if you told him it was something he needed to do to save people. I don’t know which it is . . . Then on top of that, they have to figure everything out without remembering it and tell me? One of those two things is impossible. I’m just not sure which one it is.”

Chuck shrugged and said, “Take it or leave it.” 

Okay, it was a long shot, but if that was God’s deal, Sam felt like he had to take it and said, “Deal.” 

\--------------------------

Dean went to grab the bottle back from Sam when Sam was done telling them about the meeting he had with God, but Sam held it away from him, so he could have a few more glugs. “Easy there, Sammy . . . You’ve had way over your limit, and we’ve probably got psychics coming any second.” 

That was rich coming from Dean. _Who drank half the bottle before I got it? Wasn't Beth._ Sam laughed at him and said, “Well, I guess I learned how to drink at the worst times from two of the best, didn’t I?” His Dad was just as bad about it as Dean. Sam missed the look Dean gave Beth, and she came up to distract Sam by saying something. Once second Sam was looking at her with the bottle firmly in his grip, and the next the bottle had been snatched out of his hand before Dean handed it off to Cas, who disappeared with it. "What's the matter, Dean? You're the only one good enough for whiskey from Heaven?"

Dean ignored the insult, and when Cas got back, Dean went over to talk to him, while Beth tried to get Sam to eat something. "I'm not hungry. I don't want to be in this town, Beth . . . I think we should go, and . . . I think we should find somewhere to put me . . . lock me away for a while, so Azazel can't get me. If I die, Dean's gonna . . . he's going to sell his soul from me, and I can't let him do that."

She opened the top on the tin of fruit cocktail and said, "Okay, we'll we're going to need you functioning at your best to help us come up with a plan, right? You need to sober up, and eating something should help keep your blood sugar from bottoming out . . . and drink this water, so you don't get over-dehydrated . . . just eat something first, so the water stays down better. You have a weak stomach."

Sam sighed, took the can from her, and tried fishing out a grape, when he heard Cas say, "I'm afraid I don't know if I am your Castiel or not, Dean, but from what I can tell, God lives in your camp, or Sam seems to think God does. I am sure she will be adequately protected.”

Sam went from eavesdropping to animatedly saying, “Are you kidding me? That universe is a wasteland, and God stood back and let it happen . . . I may have made it that way, but –“

Dean’s attention lasered in on Sam. “What do you mean, you made it that way?” 

_Didn't mean anything by it._ Sam decided to focus on swinging his feet back and forth, so he could kick the bar with the back of his heels, but Dean didn't take his silence as an answer, so finally Sam said, “Cas is her godfather . . . don’t know if that guy is our Cas or not . . . Our Cas just disappeared after he made his choice.” 

Sam knew that hadn't answered Dean's question, and Dean wasn't going to drop it, but Beth interrupted what they were talking about by handing Sam a bottle of unsalted holy water and getting the discussion back on course. “So, I guess the first thing we have to do is keep Sam from dying.” 

Sam immediately put it on the bar next to him and looked at Dean. “If I die, you can’t make the deal to bring me back, Dean.” Dean automatically started to argue that he’d find some way to fix it or keep it from happening it all, and Sam said, “It’s not just about you and that deal . . . I went bad after I came back, Dean . . . really, really, really bad.” Dean started scoff at that, and it annoyed Sam. “I remember the things I was thinking during the meeting, so I know what I did . . . I killed off almost the entire planet . . . and the human Cas said I tried to kill you and Beth . . . a lot. And I did.”

Dean locked eyes with Beth while Sam focused on digging a cherry out of the tin, and Beth took a deep breath before she looked at Sam and said, “You may not remember that life, but if you did really bad things, then I bet you can feel the darkness living that life left behind in you. I can feel what happened to me in Heaven two lifetimes ago . . . It’s full of humiliation, suffering and fear. I’ve felt that way my whole life. It’s why I’m always competing and on the move to take my mind off of it.” Yeah, that's what Dean said. She tried to keep one step ahead of those feelings.

She paused to get Dean’s permission, and he nodded, so she went back to focusing on Sam. “Dean can feel what being in Hell did to him. It’s similar to the way I feel except that his has a lot of rage attached to it. God blocked it out better for him . . . I think because my last life, the one I remember up until I met Dean in high school, was like this one. It covered up what happened to me in Heaven, but I don’t think the same kind of power that went into me not remembering what happened in Heaven went into blocking Dean from remembering what happened in our old life.” So, when she met Dean when they were kids, it was another do-over? She got two of them? And Gabriel was at the helm of the last one, Sam was guessing.

“Because Gabriel did it last time . . . I mean he had to have done it that time if he raised you in both the old life and this one.” Beth nodded, so Sam set the tin of fruit down and said, “So, you’re saying you think God blocked your memories at the same power level Gabriel did to make it more authentic to your old life . . . the one where you could feel things about Heaven, but lived a normal life . . . but God put more effort into making Dean and I forget, so we’d be like we were when you met Dean under the bleachers?” 

Beth nodded, and Sam slumped before bowing his head. “But Dean can still remember things that really traumatized him, because nothing could truly erase something like that . . . I don’t know if I can feel how dark I was in that life . . . or anything about that life at all. How am I supposed to know what’s normal and –“ 

Beth put her hand on Sam’s shoulder to make him look at her and said, “You know . . . when did it start?” 

She was right. He had a feeling he knew. Giving her an apologetic look, Sam sighed, and then answered her question. “The night Dean came to get me to help him find Dad. I got this fear I couldn’t explain when I saw Dean standing in our house . . . and it wasn’t just your normal run of the mill fear . . . It made me feel sick and like the world was coming to an end, but you were in the shadows behind him, and something told me to talk Dean into having you stay with Jess. In my head, it made no sense for you to stay. You’ve got a big mouth, and I thought you’d tell her about hunting, but I felt like you had to stay, and when you did, I felt relieved, like everything would all right . . . and then we got your text.” 

Sam paused when Beth pulled up a wobbly stool, so she could sit in front of him, and once she was settled, he said, “It’s not fair. I mean I know . . . I know that none of us had much experience with demons back then. We don’t really have much experience with them now, but . . . look at how much we’ve picked up since then. Demon wards, devil’s traps, a knife that kills demons, an angel blade, and a freaking angel . . . I don’t think we had most of that stuff by now the last time Dean and me lived this life, and I think it’s because we’ve all upped our game since Jess died, but I think I was expecting you to be at the level you are now back then . . . even though I knew in my head that you weren’t . . . it’s what I felt, so I was still expecting you to save her, and you didn’t . . . and Dean didn’t, and I thought he should have . . . I mean he got you out of there, and I felt like you shouldn’t have even been there, but you were, and he still found a way to save you, but it was more than that . . . I felt like maybe . . . maybe he should’ve known something was wrong that weekend, but he didn’t, and Jess died, and you lived . . . and I could feel it . . . this anger and jealousy and rage and like I was never going to be a part of what you and he have, and it didn’t make any sense, because you guys have never excluded me, but that’s how I felt, so I started looking for it and finding it every time I saw you guys together, and it made me hate you. I felt it strong enough to want to kill you.”

Sam paused and ducked his head again. He hated to admit this. He hated himself for it, and he'd let himself forget, because things had been good lately, but he'd never forgive himself for those months after Jess died. “So, that’s what I decided to do. I went through all kinds of scenarios on how I could. My biggest concern was not getting caught by Dean, so when the shifter took you, I thought it was perfect, because as long as you died, Dean would never know that I played a part in it . . . And I did it because I wanted you out of our lives, and I wanted Dean to suffer the way I was. I wanted to help him pick up the pieces afterwards and thought I’d be the only one who could, because I’d know what he was going through after what happened to Jess. It was a spur of the moment decision that was months in the making, and since it was impetuous, it didn’t go to plan, because there really was no plan, and Dean figured out what I did before he even went back to get you, so it backfired . . . It only drove you two closer and made me feel more isolated, and I get why it did. You two would be insane to trust me after what I did. I think you two were insane to keep me with you at all after that.” 

Sam took a shaky breath and wanted to stop, but a quick glance at Beth made him continue. “And then Dean got hurt on that rawhead hunt, and aside from feeling relief that he wasn’t going to die . . . the other thing I felt was grateful to you for finding a way to help him get better without having to go to that faith healer. Of course I wasn’t going to let you know that, because we’ve always competed on research, but that’s how I felt, and I felt that way even more the entire time we were on that faith healer hunt, I kept thinking that . . . that if you hadn’t done what you did, I would’ve lost Dean after that hunt. Not physically, but in spirit maybe . . . And then right after that we got locked in that cage on the Bender farm, and –“ 

Sam cut himself off with a laugh when he thought about being in that cage. “You kept making me laugh. It’s the last thing I wanted to do, but it’s what kept happening . . . and when we heard Jenkins scream out in the woods, you didn’t sugarcoat it for me . . . You didn’t hold out on what you were thinking the way Dad did my whole life. You gave us a goal to work towards together, and a battle plan if we needed it, and I thought back to all those times you used to do the same thing on hunts when I was growing up. I mean you were always running around doing God knows what most of the time . . . unless it was a really dangerous hunt. On those hunts, Dad and Dean paired up, and then you always partnered with me and told me what we were going to do and how we were going to do it, and it always worked out the way you said it would, so when we were in that cage, it made me feel safe, the way it used to make me feel when we were on those hunts, and I thought everything would be okay, and it was, and after that, I mostly couldn’t believe what I tried to do to you in St. Louis. I mean I’d never do that to you. I’ve lived with you most of my life. You’re kind of like a combination of a big sister and Mom that I never really had, so I started thinking that the me after Jess died wasn’t really me . . . it’d felt like somebody else, and I think that’s because it was . . . I think it’s what I must’ve been like in that other life. I think that’s why Cas is Rogue’s Godfather, and I’m not, because I was probably off destroying the world when she was born. I may have turned it around enough to be a good Uncle to her, but God said not remembering why I’d turned it around might mean I’d go dark again. And he said he didn’t know what to do with me yet. Anyway . . . after Jess died is when I felt the other life I’ve lived, and I think I’ve stayed as far away from it as I can ever since I came back from it. It’s why no matter what happens to me, I’m not killing any of these other psychics. It is not a path I want to go down again.” 

Sam glanced in Dean and Cas's direction, and it looked like neither one of them knew what to say, but it appeared that Beth did, so Sam waited for it, and soon wished he hadn't. “So, you’ve been waiting all this time for a shot with the sister slash mother figure in your life? Think you have mommy issues, Sam.” 

Dean immediately started laughing and said, “I can’t believe I missed that!” 

Sam’s face went bright red before he gave Beth a bitch face. “I knew as soon as I said it one of you would find a way to be a dick about it.” 

Beth smiled. “Can chicks be dicks?” 

Sam immediately stood up. “You are, so I’m guessing they can be.” Before Sam could go off in a huff, Beth cleared her throat and looked at the tin of food and bottle of water on the counter. Sam turned to pick them up, and then turned around to bitch at her some more, but she’d flipped her shades down from off the top of her head. They all knew what that meant, because she did it with all the incoming psychics. “You’re doing your freaky soul reading thing on me!?” 

She tilted her head to the side while she observed him and then it looked like she relaxed a couple of seconds later. That usually meant she was done, but she kind of just sat there, so Sam leaned back against the bar and bent over to look her in the eye. “What’d you see?” He knew by her reaction that it was bad. 

“You did some seriously bad shit, Sam Winchester, but at your very core, you are you, and you aren’t bad. Do not give into these powers, and do not let yourself give into that dark part of you ever again . . . and I mean never. Killing is remaining off the table for you with these psychics, and honestly, I’d say once Azazel is dead and gone, hunting should be off the table for you too. Azazel has no idea what he’s in for if he ever saw you truly go dark.” No matter what else she'd said about him not being bad, she'd called him Sam Winchester. She was really mad at him.

She got up and said something about going to check for new psychics, and Sam grabbed her forearm to stop her. “You never hold out on me . . . what’d you see?” 

“Billions, Sam . . . You unleashed a demon virus on the world . . . everyone who got it, men, women, children . . . they all became . . . I guess you could call them zombies whose soul purpose was then infecting others, and when that virus is done with them their souls are twisted, so they go to Hell.” _A demon virus?_ Sam started to laugh, so she leaned closer and added, “But that’s not the worst thing you did. You sure you wanna hear more?” 

Sam slumped a little and Dean said, “Think that’s enough-“ 

Sam shook his head. “No, Dean, I have to –“

“Why? So, you can have a reason to just give in and die in a few months? I don’t think –“ 

“No, I don’t want to die. If I do, I’m not entirely sure that you still won’t go try to make a crossroads deal. I want you to know why you shouldn’t make one if it comes to that.” 

Beth got Sam's attention and said, “It’s up to him if he sells his soul, Sam, but if he does, he needs to remember that we’re soul mates, and what happens to me if Dean goes to Hell? Do I go with him? Do I-“

Sam saw some light at the end of the tunnel and quickly interrupted her. “Yes! Yes, you do . . . I’m pretty sure I asked God about it, so I definitely thought it was a possibility. I just don’t know why.”

Beth nodded, like that’s what she’d needed to know, and then said, “I think preventative action against both of you dying is the only way to go here.” Turning to look at Cas, she asked if he’d come with her to go look for new psychics and left Dean behind to explain what the she’d been talking about to Sam. She had a point. Sam might be a little slow on the uptake right now, so it took a few extra seconds, but she had brought up something Sam thought Dean must've known and hadn't told him about.

Slowing turning to look at Dean, Sam said, “Soul mates?” 

Dean scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously. “Uh, yeah . . . It’s why Dad let her come with us in the first place. He said once we met, that was it. He couldn’t separate us.” Sam seemed a little skeptical, so Dean added, “It’s a real thing.” 

_Well, it must be._ “I’m guessing it is if that’s why Dad brought her on the road with us. What I’m waiting to hear is an explanation for what she meant when she said if you die, she’s going to die too.” _That's right, Dean . . . be uncomfortable. I could've lost both of you this whole time, and you never told me. I bet you've known about it the whole time too._

“I guess I noticed it when I was walking around outside my body after the car accident. She looked like she was starting to fade in front of me, but she thought she looked fine, and we asked Cas about it. He said when one of us goes, the other loses the will to live, and they die not long after . . . could be hours or days, but it’ll happen. We don’t have control over it. Think that’s the real reason Dad let her come with us, but we didn’t find out until after he was gone.” 

Sam leaned back against the bar and crossed his arms over his chest. He was still pissed off and picking his moment, but he needed more information before he did, and maybe it wasn't as bad as he'd thought if Dean didn't know about it until that car crash. “I thought you didn’t remember anything that happened when you were having an out of body experience.” 

“I don’t.” 

Sam’s eyes narrowed in confusion, and he started to ask, “Well, then how did you -“ 

“Beth told me that’s what happened, but she didn’t tell me until that case when we met Andy.” 

Sam brought his hand to his forehead to scratch an itch, he didn’t feel, so he could appear more relaxed, because getting anything out of Dean was like pulling teeth. "Well, how did she know, Dean? You were in a coma . . . dead to the world. 

“Uh, well . . . she could hear me talking. The only way I could get back in my body was when she was touching it, and that’s why Dad took the fall for what she did when she poured that drink down my throat, so she could keep touching me. He told her she should have to wait for me to get better the same as anyone else would, so when she stopped being able to hear me, it meant I was out of the woods.” 

That was . . . well, it was kind of cool, and when Beth got back in here, Sam was going to ask her about it. “Is that what happened when she died or was dying or whatever the hell that was after she got possessed by Meg?” 

“Uh . . . no. I can hear what she’s thinking, so I could hear her in there, and I got her to hand her asking God for things over to me, because God wouldn’t heal her when she asked, and I don’t know what I asked Him to do, but I must’ve fucked it up, because every time I stopped touching her, her heart stopped . . . she said she was on Dean life support, and I guess she was.” 

Sam tried so hard to keep from smiling at that one. “How do you mess something like that up?” Dean shrugged, and Sam said, “So she can hand that ability over to anyone or just you, because you're soul mates?” It'd be incredibly useful if she could.

“I don’t know.” 

Sam smirked a little before saying, “So, you can hear what she thinks? What’s that like?” _Bet she thinks even more than she talks . . . bet it's hard to tune her out._

“The way Dad described it to us was . . . some people know what someone they’re close to is thinking, because they know one another so well, like you and me do, and some people know what the person they’re close to is thinking, because they actually know what they’re thinking. There are only a couple of pairs of soul mates born in a generation, and only a handful of them have ever met, so we’re already a rarity, but Beth’s different.” Ducking his head, Dean smiled briefly. “She, uh, she doesn’t know what I’m thinking, but she can feel what I feel, and she uses that to figure out what I’m thinking.” 

_Wait. Dad knew about the mind reading thing, and he was okay with it? And if Dad knew, why didn't I?_ When Sam didn’t say anything, Dean looked at him, and then Sam said, “Dad knew you could read her mind?” 

Dean licked his bottom lip and answered, “Uh, yeah . . . I told him that when I kissed her that first time, I just knew that she was it for me . . . So he asked me how I just knew, and I told him it felt like electricity, but not really electricity, because it didn’t hurt . . . and it felt like I was home. He backed off a little and started listing off all these other things and wanting to make sure it didn’t feel like any of them. They were all for different love potions, and it didn’t feel like any of those . . . except the slight vibration thing he’d thrown in there with the rest. He said he needed to go talk to her Dad and grabbed his coat, and I asked if it was bad. He said it was for him if she was as much of a handful as she sounded like she was and then he told me to keep packing. I didn’t know until he came back with her what he was planning on doing, and then he sat us both down to explain it to us and told us we couldn’t tell anyone. He said it wasn’t safe for us or anyone who knew if anyone found out that shouldn’t know about it.” 

Sam rested his elbows on the bar behind him. “So, that’s why you didn’t tell me?” Dean nodded, and Sam said, “But Dad didn’t tell you about the dying thing, and I’m guessing he knew.” 

“I think he knew more about those prophecies I told you about too. One of them says something about Beth and me being soul mates or supercharged soul mates or something. I think that’s why he didn’t want us to tell anyone.” 

“Why supercharged?” 

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know . . . just a feeling I have. Maybe it’s a feeling I’m picking up from this other life. I mean it’s the only reason I can think of for why I’m here in Cold Oak.” 

_Is that why the Impala is just outside of town? Dean drove here?_ “So, Beth didn’t just bring you here?” 

“Nope. I just started driving and kept going until I ended up here. As far as I know, normal soul mates can’t do that, or maybe they can . . . all I know about them is what Dad told me and what we’ve figured out.” 

They'd kept this secret for a really long time. Looking out the window, Sam asked, “Why’d Beth finally let it slip now?” After she'd said it, Sam thought maybe she'd had a reason for it. It'd given him hope. He wished he could remember why.

“Doesn’t really matter if you know unless you come across any other angels. When Azazel possessed Dad, he found out everything Dad knew . . . We never really thought about it until after we got here, but I guess there isn’t really a reason to keep you from knowing because of your psychic connection to him . . . But she mostly told you to get you off of wanting to know the other bad shit you did in the other life.” 

_No, that wasn't it . . . it was something else, something important . . . Oh yeah._ “So, it wasn’t her way of saying you’d have to choose between she and your daughter and me if I die? Seems like that’s –“

“No. We’re not gonna let you die, Sam. She was just –“

“Dean . . . you can’t choose me over them.”

Dean scowled and said, “I didn’t say –“

“I know . . . I’m just telling that I will never forgive you if you do . . . Never. I’ll leave, and you won’t see me again. You’ll only have one year left, and after you’re dead and gone, I’ll hate you . . . especially if you drag Beth with you to Hell. Maybe I’ll even raise your daughter to hate you . . . Is that the way you want to leave things with me?” Maybe Sam had said all that, because a year ago, it wasn't something he ever would've had to worry about, but with how shaky Dean had been with Beth, since he found out her Dad was Gabriel, Sam felt like he needed to say something extra. That, and he meant it. He'd seen the picture of that little girl, and she was adorable. She looked like Beth, but there were definitely elements of Dean in her too. Sam wouldn't let Dean sacrifice himself for him if it meant that little girl was going to grow up an orphan. He wouldn't be able to look at Dean the same way again, and he'd never forgive him. Maybe if his evil-self was as evil as Sam thought it was and would be bitter enough to make her bitter about her Dad killing himself for selfish reasons too. 

Dean seemed to believe he'd meant it, but then Dean looked like he was going to try and talk Sam out of feeling that way. “Sam, I –“

Sam didn't want to hear it, so he changed the subject. “So do you use this mind reading thing on hunts?” Dean gave him a look, because he wasn’t done talking about this, but Sam said, “What? You’re more of a freak than I am. I wanna know if it’s helps.” 

That seemed to distract Dean enough to go along with the change of direction, and that's the first time throughout this conversation that Sam remembered Dean was even more drunk that he was. “It helps me stop an argument or her getting upset about something if I’m a step ahead of what she’s saying.” 

_Must not work all the time._ “What went wrong when you found her after you broke up with her?” 

A flicker of annoyance crossed Dean's face, and then he said, “She blocked me the way she does angels and demons, so I didn’t know what she was thinking, and she wouldn’t feel what I was feeling, so I could let her know I wouldn’t do it again.” 

“So, she can turn it on and off?” 

Dean slumped. There was something Dean didn't want to say coming up. “She can block me from knowing what she’s thinking, but I can turn being able to do that on and off too . . . It was hard to do at first . . . takes some concentration, but now it’s on all the time, and it takes some concentration to turn it off . . . We never really started using it until . . . until Jess died.” 

Sam’s breath caught in his throat, but he pushed past it and felt like it explained a lot of things about that day. “That’s how you found her?” 

Dean nodded and then looked at the floor. “Yeah, I heard her as soon as I got in your bedroom . . . She didn’t know I could hear her, cuz like I said, we didn’t use it before that, and I heard her thinking not to look up . . . she just kept thinking it over and over again. She wanted us to go . . . She kept thinking that as soon as you looked up it was over . . . and I heard the stories enough times from Dad when I was little . . . I knew Dad only knew Mom was on the ceiling because of the blood, so I looked on the floor for it and thought maybe I was wrong until I saw the blood on the bed . . . and I thought she was up there with Jess . . . I didn’t know what to do . . . I didn’t want to leave her . . . I knew she couldn’t move . . . and you wanted me to go to the bar with you, but I wasn’t leaving her like that, especially when she was thinking that I couldn’t stay there if you left because the demon was still there. It was just invisible, and then you -“ 

Sam quickly said, “I saw the blood on the bed . . . That’s why you punched me . . . you didn’t want me to look up.” Dean nodded and then looked away, and Sam said, “So, you did try . . . you might’ve been doing it for Beth, but you didn’t know Jess . . . If you thought Beth was on the ceiling with her, you did everything you could for both of them. It’s just that Beth wasn’t on the ceiling . . . she was in the closet. Why didn’t you say that?” _Maybe I wouldn't have gotten so mad if I'd known._

Finally looking at Sam, Dean answered, “I’m not sorry Beth lived, but I am sorry Jess didn’t. I didn’t do everything I could. I was too busy panicking over the thought of losing Beth the same way I lost Mom . . . I . . . I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t do everything I could. Maybe if I’d just listened to Beth and got you out of there or . . . I don’t know . . . knocked you out then, so -” 

“You did the only thing you could, Dean . . . If I could’ve heard everything Jess was thinking, I don’t think I would’ve done any better than you . . . There’s no way I would’ve left Jess if I knew she was on that ceiling . . . especially if the demon was still around, and she couldn’t move . . . and honestly, she probably didn’t know what was happening, so she would’ve been thinking, ‘look up,’ hoping that I’d find her, and it would’ve been . . . I don’t think there was anything either one of us could’ve done. The only way you got Beth out of that house was with God’s help anyway.” Dean looked at Sam for an explanation, and Sam exhaled a laugh. “Beth didn’t tell you her theory?” 

Dean shook his head, and Sam relished in being able to tell him something for a change. “She thinks the reason you didn’t get burnt and she did is because she thought something, like ‘God, don’t let him get hurt,’ and you didn’t. I think she’s right. That burn on the back of her hand was bad, and she got that from trying to keep the coat over both your heads . . . If her hand got burnt like that, why didn’t yours? I mean you were carrying her, and that coat couldn’t have covered her head, yours, your arms, hands and your back. Her leg got burnt, and yours were both uncovered, but they didn’t get burnt . . . She got burnt going out the window. You didn’t . . . I think you walked through fire to get her out of there . . . God might be a bit of a dick for tricking you into doing this training mission, but if he helped you get out of that house when there was no other way for you to do it and gave us the demon killing knife and saved Beth by making you her life support machine . . . I think He’s our best shot of getting out of this. I don’t think it’ll be easy. I think he’ll do weird stuff, like make you freeze any time a psychic tries to make you do anything, but you have to admit that’s an effective way of keeping you from doing anything the other psy kids want you to do . . . and we have an angel, an archangel, three angel blades between us, and three people who know how to use them, and if Beth can get you a bottle of whiskey, I’d say she can ask for the Colt . . . I kind of think we have all the tools we could possibly need to change Fate. We just have to put them to good use at the right time and in the right way. I think we have a shot at this.” 

Dean didn't look very hopeful. “Just don’t get your hopes up too much, Sammy.” 

Sam smiled and said, “You’ll see. We have a good team around us that we didn’t have the last time . . . And the only reason I remember that meeting with God is because you guys figured out the major points that happened without being able to remember them, and you told me about it after you did. I know you didn’t really want me to know, but Beth still told me. During that meeting, I thought that was as much of a long shot as us being able to change Fate. I think we can do this.”


	60. Eyes Wide Open

Looking through the window of one of the barns, I was a little surprise by who I saw. “Is that Andy?” 

Dean and Sam pushed me out of the way, so they could get a look, and Sam quickly said, “Yeah . . . wait. He hasn’t –“ 

I shook my head, and Sam headed for the door with Dean. Andy still hadn’t killed anyone, which was a great first step. While Dean and Sam carried him to the saloon, Dean said, “What’s the name of that girl he was seeing?” 

I wasn’t sure, so I said, “Tracy something.” 

When we got through the front door of the saloon, Dean asked Cas if he was up for a little detective work. Cas wasn’t entirely sure what he meant, so Dean tried to explain it. “This guy . . . Andy. He was living in Guthrie, Oklahoma. There’s this woman –“ 

Sam rolled his eyes, like there was an easier solution and said, “How about we just wake Andy up and ask him?” 

Normally, we just let them wake up on their own, but if we wanted to wake him up faster, maybe this would do the trick? I unscrewed the cap on a bottle of holy water that was sitting on the bar and dumped over Andy’s head. About halfway through the bottle, Andy started coughing, so I stopped, and Sam shook his head in disappointment at me before he helped Andy sit up and rest back against the bar.

“You guys again? What kind of trouble am I in?” 

Sam laughed briefly, and Dean got straight down to business. “You’re safe here, but we need to know if you’ve got anyone out there that you care about . . . Anyone you need to protect, like that Tracy chick or your adopted Dad. Need you to write down their names and addresses, and our friend will go check to make sure they’re safe.” 

Andy took the pad of paper from Dean and scribbled down a couple of names and addresses before handing it back. Dean handed it off to Cas, and Andy was more than a little freaked out when Cas vanished. Time was absolutely of the essence here. The more people we could find and protect for Andy, the more likely Andy was to stay good. 

We hadn’t had anybody show up here with people they cared about still alive in a really long time, but it didn’t mean that we’d quit trying. Maybe we’d just gotten slow about it, like we hadn’t really been waking people up early, because every single person we asked about loved ones said their loved ones had been killed in front of them. That didn’t mean we didn’t ask . . . we were just prepared for the answer to be bad and didn’t really want to hear it, because it usually meant the psychics were going to be bad. 

While Sam explained that Cas was an angel to Andy, Dean pulled me off to the side and said, “He’s been having their friends and families killed in front of them. If he didn’t this time, that’s a change in M.O. Do you think this is it, the final push? It lines up with our estimates.” 

It did. We’d been here for 2 ½ months. We hadn’t had to kill all of them or even most of them. They seemed to go after each other first a lot. They did sneaky things, like fry the other’s brains before we could stop them, or developed a new power, like the ability to kill somebody with a single touch and went around touching the others before we knew what they were doing. Half the time it was done by one of the psychics that had seemed the most harmless. When the murdering culprit found that our heads wouldn’t explode, or their touch had no effect on us because we were protected from things like that, we were stuck trying to take them down or protecting the psychics that hadn’t been killed yet . . . until the psychics we were protecting turned on the first bad one, and again we were left trying to take the last one standing down, which was hard to do when they picked up new powers, because we weren’t impervious to flying objects or being thrown around the room or even being strangled across the room. With nobody alive to give them a reason to stay good, they’d been monsters. 

“Maybe he was killing the families of the ones he didn’t really care about, so they’d go bad sooner, and we’d get through the rest faster?” Dean nodded, like that’s what he was thinking too, so I added, “But that means we have a shot at saving these last few in a way we haven’t been able to save them since the first couple of days we were here. Azazel can’t use their families as leverage to get them to do what he wants if we get to them first.” 

Dean looked towards the door and said, “Yeah, maybe . . . or maybe he wants us to send Cas out after their families, so he can finally put those angel wards up that he’s been holding out on . . . We should check on the rest. You all right to do your thing, so we get this right?” 

I put my sunglasses on in response. He may not necessarily want me to access the power in my soul if it meant I could be weakened or have bad things happen to me on down the road, but when it came to new psychics, he was willing to let me do it to make sure we didn’t make any mistakes the way I did with Terry. That poor guy really should’ve gone home with the ones who hadn’t killed anyone, because he hadn’t killed intentionally and died, because I’d classed him as someone who killed people. We needed to take it a step further to make sure we got this right.

We found Jake and Lily. Jake seemed like a nice enough guy, but I didn’t really like him, kind of the way I hadn’t liked Ava, so I decided to keep an eye on him. Lily . . . Lily reminded me a lot of Annie. She was hard on the outside, but soft on the inside. She’d accidentally killed her girlfriend and felt tremendous amounts of guilt. Just like with The Fridge, she’d become agoraphobic and decided to cut herself off from everyone else, so nobody else got hurt. I liked her. I hoped she didn’t go evil, but because that potential was there, I didn’t trust her. It didn’t mean I wasn’t going to do everything I could to keep her safe though. 

If I was staying with her, Dean was staying with Andy, and Sam took Jake . . . Cas might’ve taken Jake too, because I let him know that I didn’t trust Jake at all. We always paired off with the new psychics this way and stayed within eyesight of one another. It was to try and keep them separate, while at the same time giving them one-on-one attention as we explained things to them. That was Sam’s idea. He was still hopefully optimistic with every new batch we’d gotten. 

When things went wrong, it always happened the same way. They couldn’t stay awake forever. We could try and prolong the inevitable by giving them caffeine pills Dean had Cas pick up, but eventually they all gave into sleep at some point. As soon as they did, Azazel had a little chat with them, and they woke up different. He hadn’t talked to Sam yet, or at least he didn’t until two nights after this group got here. 

I’d stayed awake to keep an eye on things and knew something was wrong when Sam woke with a startle and went directly over to Dean. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I caught enough to get the gist. Dean went over to Cas, and I said, “Cas, I don’t care what they say, stay here.” _Uh, yeah . . . the girl in the corner is still here. Forget all about me, did you?_ Getting to my feet, I walked over to them, but my attention was on Cas. “I don’t care what Azazel told him. I don’t care if Azazel is burning their houses to the ground . . . You stay here. You’re here to help me, not follow Dean’s directions.” 

Dean pulled me off to the side and said, “What the hell’s gotten into you? How’d you know –“ 

_Oh, please. It’s obvious, isn’t it?_ “He only wants one. They’ve all said it either before or after they start killing the others. Azazel was never going to let them live past the final round. He’s showing us we’re not as smart as we thought . . . He wants us to send Cas out to check on those four psychics, and if Cas leaves, he won’t come back. We need him here.” 

Sam, having eavesdropped on our conversation, said, “He’s not just going after them and their families. He’s going after the Roadhouse too. We can’t just –“ 

“They’re already dead, Sam. Sending Cas to them won’t change that.” 

Sam took a step closer. “And that doesn’t bother you?” _Yeah, it does, but –_ When I didn’t respond fast enough, Sam said, “Did you know this was going to happen? Why didn’t you say anything?” 

_Of course I didn’t know this was going to happen._ Looking up at Sam, I sighed. “I didn’t know he was going after the Roadhouse, but I can’t say that I’m surprised he is either, which probably means he did it the last time too . . . and as for the psychics . . . I genuinely hoped they’d have a shot, but I also knew the first night I was here that if Ava really wanted to get at Annie and Jackson, all she had to do was set fire to the saloon, so I knew it was a possibility out there too. He could’ve had humans help him get past the wards at their houses the way he had humans help him get to my Dad too. Of course I hoped it wouldn’t come to that, but . . . I knew it was a possibility. Saving their lives is a bonus, but making sure they stay good . . . that’s probably the most I’ve been really hoping for here. It doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying to save the lives of these 3, but I can’t let Cas go. We need him here. If this it, if the only psychics left are the ones inside these 4 walls, then as long as Cas is here, it’ll become a siege of sorts, and Azazel will be forced to show his face.” 

Sam leaned down over me and got scary quiet, while he said, “You’re heartless. You –“ 

I grabbed ahold of his shirt to pull him closer and matched his quiet intensity. “Cheryl’s at the Roadhouse. So are Ash, Ellen, and Jo. Of course I care what happens to them. Out of the 4 psychics we’ve saved, you only met The Fridge and Parker, and you didn’t spend nearly as much time with them as I spent with Annie and Jackson. I liked them both a lot. I bonded with them. I am hurt by their loss, but they were destined to die, the same way the people in the Roadhouse were if it feels like that’s what happened the last time. I told you the details may change, but the names on those gravestones aren’t easy to erase, and we didn’t do nearly enough to get rid of them completely. Now do you see? This isn’t going to be a walk in the park, and we need to keep all of the weapons in our arsenal that we can. Cas stays.” 

Sam’s eyes searched my face for something, and then he said, “They’re real people, Beth. I know you know that. How can you sacrifice their lives for ours? That’s what you’re doing by keeping Cas here.” 

I exhaled and let Sam go. “You need to look at the big picture, Sam. It’s not about sacrificing them for you. It’s about keeping Dean out of Hell.” I took a couple steps back from him and looked up to the ceiling. “It’s about not giving the dicks up there what they want. They want him there for a reason. We’re fighting against Heaven and Hell and Fate . . . all of it.” This was it, the final countdown, and as if this moment, we were batting zero. Not only hadn’t we been able to save any of the psychics or anyone at the Roadhouse, but it also felt an awful lot like there were people out there they should be saving on hunts, and they hadn’t been, because they’d been here. Those people had been sacrificed in their own way too.

Dean wasn’t saying much of anything. He was mostly keeping an eye on the sleeping psychics around the room, while he listened to everything we said, and probably everything I was thinking. Sam on the other hand followed me. “How do you know that what’s going on here goes that high? Because of a feeling? I’m sorry, but –“ 

I looked him in the eye and said, “I’m tired of all the death. At least with hunting we get to save lives. All we’ve been doing here is burying bodies. If there is a silver lining to this, it’s what I’ve already said . . . Annie, Jackson, Percel, and Parker got a few extra months, and they’re dying as good people . . . as heroes, but you dying . . . Dean dying and going to Hell . . . there is no good that can come from that, and you want to know why? I’ll tell you why in just a second.” 

I looked up to the ceiling again and said, “God, you made a deal with Dean. You made a deal with my Dad, Sam and Cas too even if he may not be here. You didn’t make a deal with me. You picked me up from whatever the fuck I was doing and threw me into another life. That’s the real loophole, not the state of my soul when I got here . . . If knowledge is power, then I want to remember my last life and every other life I’ve lived. This isn’t me putting in a request for something and waiting until that request is over before I can ask for help again. This is my stipulation for signing on the goddamn line. If you don’t want to let me remember any of those things, then send us the fuck home.” 

I looked back down at Sam, and his mouth was agape in surprise. Dean didn’t look all that much different. Cas . . . well, I didn’t actually get to appraise Cas’s response, because the next thing I knew, I was crashing to my knees as thousands upon thousands of memories bombarded me at once. 

There I was opening a camp in Colorado for scientists, so we could manufacture medication again. There I was helping Rogue with the ring tower and laughing when she knocked it over in frustration and said, ‘Drum.’ There I was taking care of Dean when he had pneumonia, and another memory of me teaching my kids a lesson in chemistry. There I was dying and being put into a cell before I heard Dean calling my name from some far off destination, and there was a memory of me fighting by Michael and my Dad’s side in heaven’s civil war. There I was having Rogue and being afraid that she would die, and there I was being stabbed by Randy while tied to a tree and being healed by Dean from another state. There I was bringing down Sam in Vegas and closing the gates of Hell and Dean was dying in my arms and I was telling him I was pregnant and there he was arguing with me after he woke up from what Crowley did to him and there Sam was torturing me in a bathtub and there Jenna was lighting a pyre for Tommy, and there Dean was chasing me out a bathroom window. There was me fighting the Alpha Changeling, and there was me meeting Miner Joe. There were Raphael’s burnt out wings along his hall in heaven and Michael in chains and me being drug away from Raphael’s office and Kushiel coming into my cell confident and intimidating. There was me running to one of my libraries and there was me building my tunnel out of my cell, and there was me training with Cas and listening to Adam bitch about me jumping off a building. There was Bobby taking control of the Kansas camp and going on my first hunt with me, and there was my meeting with God and every other memory of anything I’ve ever done or had done to me.

I don’t know how long it took. It felt like hours or days, but it was probably only a few seconds or a couple of minutes, because Sam and Dean were both on either side of me trying to get my attention and helping me get to my feet, or I think that’s what they were doing until Dean picked me up and told Cas to stay with Sam while he carried me somewhere else. When he got me to the back room, he went to the back wall and used it to help him slide down to the ground with me. When he had me sitting in his lap, he told me to look at him, so I did and smiled before I put my hand on the side of his face and said, “Hey.” 

Giving me a worried laugh, he said, “Hey.” 

_Nothing to worry about Dean. I’m finally me again._ “You’re . . . one of a kind, Dean Winchester. Worth every second it took for me to find you.” 

He laughed nervously again. “You know I don’t remember anything, right? If that’s something that means something to us in –“ 

_I know you don’t know what I mean right now, but you will. I’ll make sure of it._

He brushed my hair out of my face and said, “You look like crap,” and I exhaled a laugh. “No, I’m serious . . . You should get some sleep.” 

_No time for sleep._

“Yeah, there is.” 

_No, what about -_

“The Yellow-eyed demon's not getting in here tonight, and Cas is keeping an eye on them with Sam.” 

_What about the nightmares?_

“You have ‘em in this other life?” I nodded, and he said, “They bad?” I nodded again, and he wrapped me up a little tighter and said, “Just do what you do there. I’m not going anywhere.” 

_Wake me up in half an hour, and I won’t have one. You couldn’t handle helping me with one in this life._

“Don’t do that . . . Don’t treat me like I don’t know anything, just because you went and . . . I don’t know. Blew up everything we have.” 

_I didn’t –_

“Yeah, you did. You just don’t know it yet.”


	61. Everything Is Different Now

Sam leaned into Dean’s shoulder and whispered, “What’s she doing now?” 

Dean watched Beth scratching symbols into their ammo and answered, “Putting devil’s traps on bullets.” She’d been running around and adding things to their defenses ever since she woke up. 

“Does she think this is the O.K. Coral?” 

Dean shrugged and flicked a splinter on the bar. “Don’t know . . . She hasn’t said a whole lot.” 

Sam thought this was probably a good thing, but Dean didn’t seem like he thought it was. “I don’t see what the problem is if –“ 

Dean turned to look at him. “This is on you Sam . . . just couldn’t take her at her word that this was an important one we had to get right. You just kept pushing and pushing until she did what she thought she had to do to prove she was right. Well, congratulations, you got what you wanted.” _What?_ Dean shook his head in disappointment and said, “You can’t even see it . . . We have no idea who she is. She isn’t the same girl we’ve grown up with our whole lives. She’s not a member of this family. She’s a member of our family in the future. We’re nowhere near the level she is, and she’s gonna . . . you know what forget it.” 

Sam looked at Beth again. She looked the same to him. “She’s going to take the lead? Is that what –“ 

“Right now she’s in hunter mode, but when she snaps out of that after this is over, she isn’t going to want us. She’s going to want her family, and she’s going to be stuck with us for another year. By then everything’s going to be ruined.” _She isn’t going to want us, or she isn’t going to want Dean?_

Sam went over to Beth to see what she was doing when Dean left to go check on Cas. He picked up one of the mags she’d already loaded and had a look at what she’d done. There were tiny little devil’s traps on every single one. They were exact, but she was making fast work of them. “Need any help?” 

Beth looked around and spotted Dean’s weapons bag. “Yeah, take some of Dean’s iron knifes and do the same thing with them.” They must’ve picked up a lot of tricks of the trade along the way. That was a pretty good idea. He wondered which one of them came up with that, so he asked her. “Dean did. He had to get in and out of Vegas without killing any demons, so it seemed like a good way around that, and it was. It works on silver blades for weredemons too.” 

_What the hell are weredemons?_ Sam went over to Dean’s bag and secretly took a couple of knives before he came back to sit next to her. Dean would kill him if he saw him defacing his knives. “You wanna talk about it?” 

She shook her head and answered, “Not much to say . . . except Jake’s the one who killed you the last time around.” That lined up with her not trusting Jake the most out of the ones who were left here. 

“What about Andy?” 

Beth glanced over at Andy. “Ava killed him the last time, but she went out in the first round this time instead of being the undefeated champion for 5 months.” 

So, that was a pretty big difference. “And Lily?” 

Beth grabbed another mag and said, “Ava killed her too. Jake killed Ava, and then he killed you. He was the last man standing.” 

_Jake won?_ Sam liked the guy all right, but considering some of the other psychics they’d seen, he was surprised that Jake won the whole thing. It had to be because Ava laid the groundwork for him by getting rid of the others. “How’d Ava beat the rest of them?” 

Beth distractedly answered, “Well, what she did when you got here was pretend that she was a newcomer like the rest of you . . . kind of like she’d just woken up after being gone for 5 months and had no idea she’d been gone that long or how she got here, so I’m guessing she did the same thing before that, blended in with the newcomers, and picked them off one by one with her acheri demons before the other psychics had a chance to figure out why they were here or what they could really do.” 

That was pretty smart. Sam could see how that’d work. Most of them didn’t know what they were doing here until Azazel talked to them in their sleep. If Ava’d killed them before that, they wouldn’t have stood a chance, especially if nobody knew she was the one controlling the demons.

There was something that Azazel had shown him that he’d been wondering about ever since he woke up, so Sam leaned forward and whispered, “In my dream, Azazel showed me what he did to me when I was a baby. My Mom knew him. Do you know why?” 

Finally looking at him, Beth nodded before she went back to focusing on the ammo in front of her. Just when Sam thought he was going to have to ask her to expand on that, Beth said, “She made a deal with him . . . Azazel killed your Dad in 1973 and told her he’d bring him back if she gave him permission to come to her house 10 years later. He didn’t tell her why, but he needed her permission, and she gave it. All the psychics we’ve seen . . . their Moms all did the same thing, maybe not for the same reason, but they all gave permission for him to come back.” 

No . . . his Mom wouldn’t have . . . Beth seemed pretty sure. Why would his Mom do that? “How’d he know who to go to for these deals? Why did he pick Mom?” 

Beth hesitated in what she was doing and then said, “He liked her spirit. She was a hunter. So were your grandparents. All the Campbells are. She wanted to marry John and have a normal life as far away from hunting as she could get. She wanted a normal life the way you want one. She never wanted this life for you or Dean.” 

“If she was a hunter, and she knew he was coming back in 10 years, why didn’t she do anything to try and keep him out of our house?” 

Beth gave him a side-glace at his outburst and then carried on with her work. “I don’t know. Maybe she forgot. 10 years is a long time.” 

“But every time she saw Dad walk into a room, she had to have thought that he wouldn’t be there if she hadn’t made that deal.” 

“Maybe . . . but like I said, she wanted a normal life. She didn’t want to –“ 

Sam stood up and shouted, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. If you know a demon’s coming to your house in 10 years, you prepare for it.” 

Beth’s shoulders slumped, and she replied, “Maybe she didn’t know. Maybe the angels scrubbed it from her mind, and –“ 

Sam gave her an annoyed look before he said, “She knew him. She remembered. How can you defend her?” 

Looking down at the bullet in her hand, Beth said, “I’m more than a little surprised by your reaction, Sam.” She looked up at him when he didn’t say anything and added, “I think we both know what it’s like to have entities more powerful than us mess with our heads. Give her the benefit of the doubt.” 

Sam was startled when he heard Dean say, “She’s thinking that you knew what’s out there, but you didn’t protect your house against it when you had your shot at something normal. She just doesn’t want to say it, because she knows you’ll say that you didn’t know something was coming for you, and she doesn’t have a way to argue that.” 

Ratting her out like that was a dick thing to do. Sam could see why Beth would think that even it was kind of a bitchy thing to think considering Jess died, but she couldn’t really help what she was thinking if that’s where her mind had gone. He thought a million things in a day that he never said. He said things he shouldn’t say too, but she hadn’t actually said what she was thinking. She shouldn’t get in trouble for something she’d merely thought. It was really the first time since Dean had told him about it that Sam thought it was a really intimate thing that she shared with Dean, so Dean telling him what she was thinking was definitely a dick thing to do. 

“Why are you picking on her? All she’s doing is –“ 

Dean looked at Beth and said, “Ruining Mom’s memory? Yeah, I know . . . No wonder she doesn’t like you.” 

Dean must’ve used what she was thinking against her again, because she looked hurt for a fraction of a second. That hiding of her emotions thing . . . She must have to do that a lot in her other life, because Sam had never really seen her do it until now. It made him feel like he had to do something to make her feel better or change the direction this was going, so he said, “Mom’s there in the future?” 

Beth shook her head and slowly went from looking at Dean to looking at Sam. “She, uh, no . . . I’ve talked to her through mediums a few times . . . The last time was when I was panicking about having Rogue, and since I don’t have a Mom, Dean thought I should talk to her . . . It didn’t go all that well until he came in the room to let her know he was listening at the door, and then she softened up a little as soon as he left again. She -” 

Dean went to argue with her, so Sam quickly said, “Shut up, Dean . . . I wanna know what Mom told her. I wanna know what she thought about being a Mom. Don’t you? ” 

Beth watched the two of them, unsure of what was happening, and finally decided to focus on Sam. “She said me being worried that I’d get it wrong was a good thing, because it meant I cared enough to worry. She said all new parents don’t know what they’re doing. They might think they’re ready, but when the time comes, they aren’t. And she said . . . See, I was worried about not being able to be as . . . nurturing as I should be, and she said that if Gabriel could be a good parent for me even though he was an archangel, I could do it too, and she said she wished she could’ve done the things my Dad got to do with me with you two . . . basically. That’s the short version.” 

Sam moved to block Dean from Beth’s view by sitting next to her again and said, “So, you remember your daughter?” 

Beth smiled before she looked down at the magazine in her hand and said, “Yeah. What do you want to know?” 

Sam didn’t know. He hadn’t really thought about it. He’d mostly wanted to change the subject to something more positive. “Do you know where she was born?” 

Beth bit her bottom lip briefly and then glanced at him. “She’s actually Canadian. She was born in an abandoned house off of where Pleasant Valley road meets 224 in what used to be Nova Scotia . . . You were there. I wouldn’t let you in the room. I thought I could go it alone, but hours and hours later . . . I needed help. I was losing too much blood . . . It was everywhere. I was dying. We hadn’t seen Cas in months, but I was scared that I was going to lose her, so I prayed to him. He came before the prayer was even over, and he took care of me. He wasn’t fully powered, so he couldn’t completely heal me after he did the c-section. I mean I think he healed the cut and the uterine rupture, but not the blood loss . . . I couldn’t say for sure . . . He knocked me out before he did it, but considering how long it took me to wake up, I’m guessing it was still pretty touch and go for a while.” 

Dean, still looking for an argument, quickly said, “I thought you were taken for the first 3 months she was born.” 

Beth refused to look at Dean and addressed her answer to Sam. “Cas got mad at Dean and took me. He had to know that I’d want my daughter after I woke up, so because he’d left her with Dean, he took my memories of Dean and every human I’d ever met who was associated with him . . . and he hid me in Hell. I thought it was to keep me safe from Raphael, but it was to keep me safe from Dean. That’s why I was gone those three months, and when I came back, I still didn’t have my memories of you or him or her or anyone for another 6 months.” 

Something was off about that. Cas didn’t seem like the type to do something like that for no reason. “Why would he do that? Why wasn’t Dean there when you were having her?” 

Beth bowed her head briefly before she reached for another bullet. “He left me . . . He had you tell me.” She paused and breathed out a sad laugh. “You told me just as I was starting to go into labour, because you didn’t know that I was going into labour, and I panicked . . . I tried to get you to leave me alongside the road . . . I didn’t want anyone around when I was having her, and you said I wasn’t thinking straight, because we were in the middle of nowhere. You said you’d find a place for us to go if I got back in the truck. I was stuck in a snowdrift and having a contraction, so I wasn’t really in any position to argue with you about it. I decided you were probably right about the woods not being the best place to have her. When we got to that house, you spent most of your time trying to get Dean to come back, but he wouldn’t.” 

Dean moved around to the side of Sam, so Beth could see him and said, “I wouldn’t do that . . . I wouldn’t leave you if –“ 

Beth finally snapped. “You did. Sure, you left me Sam, but I knew he’d go back to you soon enough, because after killing off the planet and selling the children that were left after that to monsters and crucifying you on a fucking wall, he needed you to tell him what to do on everything, so he wouldn’t go full-on evil again . . . I thought I had Cas, so I asked him to help me raise Rogue, and what did he do? He handed her over to you the second you came back . . . so, you got to be the best Dad in the world, and Sam gets to be her Mother. She runs up to the two of you, saying your names and wanting to be picked up all the time, and I get . . . I get a daughter who gives me a defiant look and says, ‘No . . . hand,’ when I pick her up to just move her into a different room, because she doesn’t want to be held by me. All she wants from me is to hold my hand and have me read a book that everyone else got to read to her while I was in Heaven fighting in the civil war there . . . nobody else got to read your book to her, because that was treated as sacred while we were gone, but mine? Sure, we’ll let anyone that wants to read it to her, read it . . . I’m the one who carried her for nine months, and that wasn’t easy. I was the one who wanted a girl. A boy . . . no way did I know how to raise a boy, but a girl . . . that I could do. I knew the things I could teach her that nobody else would understand, because I know what it’s like to be a girl and grow up in the worst environment possible and how to use my mind instead of brute strength to get out of trouble . . . I was the one who had a picture of what I wanted her baby blanket to look like in my head, and I was the one who almost died having her. I was the one who didn’t do anything wrong and . . . here I am again . . . forgot her a second time. Not my fault, but it doesn't change anything.” 

She paused to take a breath, and Dean gave Sam a look that meant, ‘Scram,’ so he could take his seat. “You’re not going to –“ 

Dean shook his head, so Sam got up. _Why does he look relatively happy now?_ A second later, the answer dawned on Sam, so before he handed the chair over, he whispered, “You’re jealous of you?” 

Dean gave him a cocky grin and said, “What? No, that’d be crazy,” before his smile fell a little, and he cleared his throat. “Give me the chair, Sam.” 

Sam laughed and then whispered, “Might want to start by apologizing for using your soul mate thing against her . . . I’m guessing that’s a big deal.” Dean ducked his head and nodded, so Sam handed the stool over and went over to find out if Cas remembered anything she’d said. He didn’t.


	62. Moving Pieces Into Position

“What do you mean, we have to stay here? I thought you said after you put those demon wards outside the town limits, he couldn’t get in here.” 

Dean looked from Jake to Beth, as Beth responded to Jake being a pain in the ass. “He can’t, but who’s to say he wasn’t already in here? And we aren’t going to let anything happen to you. So, stay in the fucking saloon. It’s the safest place for you.” Yeah, she wasn’t exactly a ray of sunshine when it came to Jake. She still found it in her to soften up a bit and said, “And know that your Mom and little sister are safe.” 

Jake quickly responded, “The man with yellow eyes said –“ 

“I know what he said, but it doesn’t mean he’s telling the truth. He’s a demon. Demons lie.” 

“I’m supposed to kill you too. If I can do that, how are you supposed to stop him from doing whatever it is he wants with us or our families?” 

Beth picked up her weapons bag that she kept on her all the time now and said, “I can’t tell you that. No offense, but you have a direct link with him, and I don’t know that you won’t tell him what I tell you. You can watch me train with an angel from that doorway though . . . if it makes you feel any better.” 

Beth asked Cas if he was ready, and she and Cas headed outside without another look back. They hadn’t trained with Cas in a while. She wasn’t just doing it, so Jake would think that she could protect him. She was doing it to show Jake not to fuck with her too. Dean wasn’t entirely sure why. He knew Jake was the one who killed Sam in this other life they’d lived, and he knew Jake was on edge and looking for any excuse to kill the others, so he could get back home to take care of his family, but Dean wasn’t sure why Jake wouldn’t want to do that if he saw Beth train with Cas. 

Andy moved to the step just outside the doorway, so he could watch with Jake. Should probably keep them separated the way they’d kept Jake and Sam separated so far, so Dean decided to stand behind Andy and next to Jake to keep himself roughly between them. He wasn’t entirely sure what he would do against Jake’s super strength if it came down to it, but he’d think of something. 

Beth moved into the middle of the street and dropped her weapons bag before faced off against Cas and said, “Give me everything you’ve got. Flying, power punches, the works. No smiting or killing, obviously. Everything shy of that is on the table . . . Oh, and one other thing. Every time I best you in any kind of way, you’re getting a cut . . . It’ll make you better. Got it?” 

Sam looked at Dean from the window he was standing at and said, “Is she serious?” 

_Guess so._

Cas started to disagree with her. “You are not my peer. I do not think –“ 

Beth drew her angel blade and took a step back to get into a defensive position before she said, “It’s about skill, not power. Whenever you’re ready.” And then this look of dead calm came over her. Cas looked at Dean to see what he thought, and Dean shrugged before he tilted his head in her direction to let Cas know he should give her what she wanted. The first thing Cas did was fling her towards the barn, and instead of flying into it and getting knocked out or crashing through the wall, Beth timed it perfectly, so she was able to bounce off of it and land in a crouch still facing Cas. That was new. Dean found himself unintentionally leaning forward in anticipation of what happened next as Cas disappeared. 

Beth kept her back to the barn while she waited for Cas to show up again. A few seconds later, Cas popped up in her blind spot and took a swing, but she ducked, and at the same time swung her blade around to cut Cas’s stomach. Cas looked down at the blood on his stomach and then at Beth, and Beth said something to him, but Dean didn’t know what she said. Cas looked confused too and said, “You know Enochian?” 

“It was my first language, Cas. I can be threat to you. Treat me as though I am.” Then Cas got a similar look of calm to the one she had and gave her a nod before he engaged her, and it was an all out war between the two of them. 

Cas kept disappearing and reappearing in different places, but she was never caught off guard, and it’s a good thing she wasn’t, because it didn’t look like Cas was holding back. Every single one of Cas’s moves, Beth deflected, dodged, or countered with some of her own. Her combinations were fluid and fast, and she got quite a few swipes in on Cas. It was like the entire center of town was their ring, and Dean was a spectator at the best wrestling match he’d ever been to in his life. It was awesome if he could get past the fact that his girlfriend was the warrior goddess he was watching duke it out with an angel. And then she disarmed Cas, and Cas angel punched her. Beth went flying across the street into another one of the buildings, but she still didn’t get knocked out. She bounced off the top again and put her hand down in front of her to steady herself as she landed in another crouch. When Cas appeared beside her, she was ready for him. She might’ve knicked Cas’s stomach again with Cas’s own blade and brought both blades up into a cross pattern to protect her from another blow, but Cas wasn’t there to fight. Instead he said, “Let me heal you.” 

Getting to her feet, Beth asked, “Would Azazel heal me?” 

“I am not Azazel. Let me heal your ribs, and I won’t give you an, ‘F’ . . . just a ‘C’.” 

Beth slumped. “Are you . . . Do you –“

“No, somewhere in all of that chatter you threw into my head to distract me, I heard you think it . . . I think you forgot I may not be your Castiel, and if I am, I don’t remember it.” 

“Oh. Okay . . . you can heal me, but a ‘C’ is like an ‘F’ to me . . . it’s a good way to get me to keep sparring until I get an ‘A’.”

“Would your Castiel have given you an ‘A’?”

Beth laughed and shook her head. “No. He would’ve given me a ‘C’ too . . . just like you did. He’s a tough, but fair teacher.” 

“I will keep that in mind.” When Cas was done healing her, Beth took a step back and flipped Cas’s angel blade around to give it back to him handle first, and they started round 2. It was even better than round 1 had been.

When they were done with round 3 and were walking back to the saloon, Andy looked up at Dean and said, “You’re girlfriend’s hot,” before he watched Jake turn and go back into the saloon and added, “And she just put a massive target on her back. Keep an eye on him.” 

Dean glanced back towards Jake and said, “What do you think his deal is? I mean he seems like he should be a decent guy.” 

Andy’s cheeks puffed up, while he shook his head. Pushing the breath out, Andy guessed, “Fear? He’s still more afraid of Azazel than he is Beth or that angel. Now he just sees them as bigger roadblocks to him getting out of here.” 

As Andy stood, Dean asked, “What about you?” 

Andy laughed and patted Dean’s shoulder as he passed him on the way through the door. “Are you kidding me? I’m not leaving your guys’ sides until this is over. I think you’re my only real shot of getting out of here.” 

Cas said he was going to check the demon wards around the town and disappeared, and Dean watched Beth walk up to him. “Still think I’m better than you in this other life?” 

Looking him dead in the eye, Beth answered, “Yeah, you are, and you train with me and Cas. We team up and train against him together. It helps him learn how to fend off two attackers and helps us work better as a team.” 

He’d love to train like that. He had no idea why he left that life. In that life, he had Beth. He had Sam. He had a daughter. He had a vinyl collection. He had a place to listen to his records. He still got to drive the Impala, and he got to train like that. Apparently, he was also something of a shop teacher at the camp where they were raising 1000 kids, and he helped Beth with her chemistry classes, and they got to have bonfires, and he still got to hunt and save people. It sounded like even though the rest of the planet had been destroyed, he was living the dream. 

It’d be one thing if he came back to this part of his life to prevent what lead to Sam ending the world, but that’s not why he’d done it. Sam had said this was supposed to be some kind of practice for another thing God wanted them to do. Why go through the practice instead of just telling God to send him on the mission? And why train for so long? Sam said he thought during his meeting with God that Dean might’ve agreed to it so he could have a chance to see what living with Beth all this time was like. 

Dean thought he sounded like a dick in the future. He made the decision for her to come here without asking her first, and they could both die because of that decision. He left her when she was about to have their kid. It was for the same reason he left her a few months ago . . . to keep her safe, but then she wasn’t about to have his kid a few months ago. Whatever’d happened to make him leave her when she was pregnant must’ve been big. She said someone had died. Whoever it was must’ve meant a lot to him, but she wouldn’t tell him who it was. 

She also didn’t know what happened when he agreed to bring her here. She said things were good the last time she’d seen him. One second she was in Colorado setting up a camp with her Dad, and the next she was looking down at Dean from the roof of her Dad’s old house with no idea that’s not where she was supposed to be. 

Dean thought she had to have some idea of why they were here though. Why hadn’t they been setting up this Colorado camp together? Sure, there were fewer hunters in the future, and apparently she went to college in her last life and got her PhD in science, or was close enough to it that it was like she’d gotten it, so she was the person with the expertise they needed to set up a place like that, but there’s no way he’d leave her to do that on her own, especially if the world was the way it sounded. They did everything together now, why wouldn’t they do it then?

Beth glanced at him as they sat at the bar. “We do a lot of things on our own. We’re a lot more independent there, but it’s not a bad thing. It took us a long time to figure it out, but I think we finally did. Our 50/50 thing cut out all the arguments that it took to get to the same point in our other life . . . Things were uncertain for a long time. Then things were good, and then they were bad, and then they were good again. I think we found balance there when you know i'm going to end up with you when we die. It’s a bigger deal for you there than it is here.” 

He’d think about what that meant later when he had time. He felt like he had to figure it out before this whole thing was over, because he didn’t want to be that guy. At first, he’d been worried that she wouldn’t want him anymore, or they wouldn’t be a team anymore, or whatever, and he still thought that, because she knew so much more than him now, but lately, his biggest worry was becoming that guy when they got back. Dean wanted to be better than that. 

There was one thing that it’d affected more than anything else though. He hadn’t touched her since she got her memories back. One, he wasn’t sure what he was to this Beth. Sure they were together in this other life, but she was with that guy, not him, and his Beth was hidden in there with this whole new Beth. And two, it’d been funny when he asked her if she thought he was better at sex than him, but that was before she knew the answer, and what if he just sucked compared to the other him . . . Dean wasn’t sure what to do about that. 

He decided to change the subject and said, “So, why’d he give you a ‘C’?” 

Beth sighed in frustration and answered, “It came out as a draw. I disarmed him, but I shouldn’t have let myself get punched like that any of the times I disarmed him. I can’t figure out how to do it and be fast enough to not get punched.” 

That was easy. “Don’t disarm him. If it puts you too close to him and leaves you open to getting hit just don’t do it and figure something else out.” 

She briefly smiled said, “In all the times we’ve done this, you’ve never said that. That’s good advice.” 

Dean looked around the room and nobody else was near them, so he leaned closer and asked, “What’s the plan with Azazel? We’re just going to keep the psychics in there, so the big bad wolf comes knocking on our door?” 

Beth looked around to check the coast was clear too before she answered him. “That’s how we get him to show up. I can’t tell you too much beyond that yet.” 

Right, she couldn’t say anything because Missouri told her to watch it with that. He hated not knowing what she was planning. “You said the angels want me in Hell. What if he calls them in on this?” 

Beth looked around them again and whispered, “Well, if Raphael and Michael send their underlings, then Cas and me should be able to handle it. If there are too many for us to handle on our own, we’ll call my Dad in for back up.” 

“If it’s as big a deal for me to end up there as you said, then what if Raphael or Michael show up?” 

Beth looked up to the ceiling the way she did when she talked about angels and thought, so only Dean would know, _“Michael’s busy running Heaven, so he won’t come without a good reason. If Raphael shows up, and he might, then we call for Michael and leave Dad out of it.”_

Dean quickly looked at her and said, “What? Why?” 

_“ That’s where I come into it. I can’t tell you why Michael will be interested in what happens to me yet, but he will be, and he won’t let Raphael have his way. Hopefully, they won’t fight, because two archangels fighting on Earth would be the Apocalypse . . . I mean that’s what the Apocalypse is, a fight between Lucifer and Michael, so a fight between Michael and Raphael would be the same. It’d wipe half the planet out. If they start fighting, we get the fuck out of here and have Dad meet us somewhere safe, so we can set it up and start saving people.” She wouldn’t really start an apocalypse just to get them out of here would she? It looked like she wanted to respond to to what he’d thought, but changed her mind and said, “You’ll just have to trust me.”_

He gave her a nod to let her know he did, and then said, “So, you really think Azazel is locked in here with us, and we just can’t see him yet?” 

Beth looked back towards the door and answered, “In this town, yeah. I think he’s been watching us for weaknesses the whole time we’ve been here. I don’t know how good his hearing is, so I don’t know if he can hear us in the saloon, but I know he can’t get in here, so that’s why most of our discussions on tactics have taken place here, and I’m guessing he’s more than a little confused about this past life stuff . . . especially after what he just saw with Cas and me, so maybe he’s trying to figure it out, but he’ll get tired of waiting eventually, and then we’ll have our chance.” 

“That’s the real reason you just did what you did with Cas? To prove a point to Azazel?” She gave him a look that said, ‘Maybe,’ and he sighed. He really hated not being filled in on what she was planning. “You think what we’re doing here is enough to change things?” 

“It depends on how big Azazel wants to go. If he wants to make a little splash, it may not be enough, and we’ll have to figure something else out, but if he goes big . . . Yeah, I think it could be big enough to do that. It’s all down to him at this point.” So, the demon they’d spent their whole lives hunting, the demon that had killed their Mom and ruined their lives . . . that was the demon she was depending on to really save their lives in the end? Beth watched him and gave him a little smile before she answered, “Basically.” Man, they were screwed. 


	63. Plans Never Work Out the Way You Want

One month, that’s how long it took for Azazel to finally come knocking after we took his last four psychics hostage. Keeping Jake in check hadn’t been easy at first. Andy was right. Jake’s main reason for doing anything was fear at this point, so the longer we were there with no problems, the more his fear had relaxed, and the less I think he thought about wiping us all out. I can’t believe it happened this way, but it actually was a dark and stormy night when we heard Azazel’s voice outside the front of the saloon. “Red rover, red rover, send my contestants right over.” 

_He’s got to be using the weather to his advantage . . . Why?_ There are so many different reasons. He could’ve had people scratch out the demon wards around town and let his demons in here, so the storm would cover any noise they made. Maybe he hadn’t gotten all the wards down, but did have people here with him the way he did working for him when they trapped my Dad. The storm would mask any sounds they made too. Maybe if they’re not psychics, he still thinks he can use them as a weakness that we won’t defend this saloon against adequately. If they’re anything like the people who worked on that wendigo farm, I had no problem taking them out if it meant keeping Lily, Andy, Jake, Sam, and Dean safe. 

Hopefully not, but maybe he had angels on standby. He knew the right back channels to go through to get to them, and if he’d heard any of the things we’d said about Dean and Sam in the last 3 ½ months, maybe he’d figured out that Dean was the Righteous Man in the prophecy. Maybe he’d known that for a while. Dean and I were in a lot of those prophecies together, but we were together as the North Star and Righteous Man . . . if he knew I was the North Star on sight, then maybe Azazel had figured out that Dean was the Righteous Man if he knew any more of those prophecies. 

He could’ve sent a message to the angels for help in killing Sam if he spun it by saying it’d lead to Dean being in Hell . . . again based on what we’d been saying for the last 3 ½ months. Maybe he was fed up with me and without seeing my Dad for so long, he thought he was in the clear as far as telling the angels where I was. Maybe he picked tonight to do this, because all the rain meant we couldn’t trap the angels using holy fire. We hadn’t really had enough holy oil to trap many angels anyway, but he didn’t know that. 

I went to my weapons bags, and Dean, Sam, and Cas followed me. “There might be angels involved. Maybe getting through to them through his back channels and waiting for a response is what’s taken so long. It might be why he’s chosen tonight for this . . . the rain would prevent us from being able to use holy fire to trap them. Not that we had much in the way of holy fire, but there’s no way he could know that, so he planned accordingly.” 

Sam watched me I dig through my bag for everything we needed, and said, “Why would he get angels involved in this? I thought this was about us psychics.” 

Handing him a magazine, I said, “It is, but it’s about more than that too . . . He wants the last psychic standing to open a devil’s gate in Wyoming and lead his demon army, but he also wants Dean in Hell just as bad. The angels want the same thing. The angels that had me also want me back, and they want me back, so they can stop me from helping Dean in the future . . . a future we won’t see in this lifetime.” 

Sam took the magazine and responded, “I still don’t understand why he wants Dean in Hell. What does that have to do with anything else Azazel’s done?” 

_I thought he already knew this?_ “If Dean goes go Hell and sheds blood there, it’ll unlock the first lock on Lucifer’s cage. Everyone in Heaven and Hell know that prophecy, and in it, Dean’s called the Righteous Man. If Azazel knows any of the other prophecies about Dean and I –“ 

Sam looked from me to Dean and said, “You didn’t tell her?” 

_Didn’t tell me what?_ I glanced at Dean, and he said, “Gabriel said Azazel knows at least a couple of these prophecies . . . how did you know –“ 

I grabbed more ammunition and doled it out among them, while I said, “I know all 10 prophecies. All he needs to know is the one I just said and one of the others with the North Star in them, and he’ll know that you’re the righteous man he needs.” 

Something finally clicked with Sam, and he said, “This really is about the Apocalypse . . . not just the one you think might happen between Michael and Raphael –“ 

I looked at Dean. I’d told him that in confidence. The more people around here who knew about it, the more minds could be read. I didn’t want that to happen. I wanted Michael and Raphael to do what they did the last time they both wanted me . . . nothing. Michael and Raphael both keeping an eye on one another, but neither moving, is what should happen, but I’d wanted Dean to know what might happen if they showed up here and fought. The last thing we needed was to give them any ideas. What if they realized we really were going to stop Lucifer from being released and decided to misread the prophecies about the Apocalypse so it seemed like the Apocalypse was really supposed to be between Michael and Raphael? If they thought it was time for an Apocalypse, they might make one happen without Lucifer. Sam tapped me to get my attention and said, “Whatever he told me or didn’t tell me that you didn’t want me to know isn’t the point. We’re talking about _The_ Apocalypse. The one between Lucifer and Michael?” 

Yeah. It was getting hard to know what I’d told them and what I hadn’t and what I thought they knew and didn’t. Them not listening to everything I said didn’t help either. I had 3 lifetimes going through my head now, and it was a lot harder to slog through sometimes than even 2 had been. “Yeah, Sam, it is, and both angels and demons want it to happen.” 

Before anyone could ask me anything else, Jake came over and said he wanted to help. He was in the army, so he was trained for this. It’s why I handed him a magazine along with a gun that was a back up to my back up and said, “If you use these against any of us, I will put you down before you know what hit you, and if I can’t do it because it’s me you go after first, one of them will . . . They’re better shots than I am. Got it?” 

Jake hesitantly nodded, so I said, “Look at the bottom of the magazine. It has a little circle I painted on it. That’s a halo. The bullets all have sigils carved on them that will sap angels of their grace if it hits and sticks. It has to be a close range to keep it from exploding in their bodies.” 

They all looked at the ammo their hands and nodded almost simultaneously, so then I handed Jake the other magazine and said, “These have little devil’s traps painted on the bottom, because the bullets all have devil’s traps scratched into them. It’ll trap a demon to the spot. These,” I said holding up one of two boxes, “are sniper rounds with devil’s traps, and these,” I said holding up the other box with a halo painted on it, “have the angel bullets in them. I’ve used these rounds before . . . they don’t explode on impact. One of us has to get to the roof of the barn across the street and hang out in the circle with demon and angel wards in it. Take your shot on Azazel when you get it. If angels arrive, and it looks like they’re about to die, look away from their grace, or you’ll go blind. That goes for all of us . . . unless you’re Dean or Cas. It doesn’t hurt them.” 

Sam said he’d be our sniper. Dean started to argue with him, and Sam said, “It has to be me, Dean. I think Beth’s going to need you a lot closer to help her with what she has planned.” 

_Dean should actually be our sniper. He needs to be protected the most._

Dean quickly said, “See? She agrees with me. She -” 

Sam stopped him. “I thought your job was to figure out what she needs you to do before she even knows what she needs.” 

Whatever that meant to them, Dean relaxed a little and conceded so I gave Sam one last order. “If I shoot a flare into the sky, and shoot an angel immediately after that, fill that angel full of the angel rounds.” Sam looked at the box of angel rounds before he gave me a nod to let me know that he would. 

_Hey, Cas, think you could just send Sam there from here, so we don’t have to worry about any demons getting ahold of him? And, uh, it’s probably better if he’s not up there by himself. He’ll need someone to watch his back . . . Do you think maybe you could send Andy with him?_

Cas looked from me to Sam and didn’t even wait for me to explain it to Sam before he sent Sam and Andy to the spot where they needed to be. Before I could say anything about it, Cas smiled and said, “It’s funnier if they don’t know they’re being sent somewhere else before they’re sent there,” and it made me smile and relax at the same time. He had to be my Cas, right? There was the grading thing, and –

“You let me know the kinds of things he finds funny . . . If he’s not me, he is right. It was funny.” I slumped a little. He was determined to rain on my parade.

“Did he just send them to the roof across the street? That’s a lot of power,” Jake said with a shake of his head before he looked towards the door and added, “There’s more coming, and they’re bad angels, right?” 

“Maybe . . . keep your devil’s trap bullets loaded. If the angels show up, you’ll know . . . switch to the magazines for them then.” 

“How will I know?”

I looked at Cas, and he explained. “It will look like comets raining down from Heaven.” 

Jake said he understood, so I said, “If I tell you to move, take Lily to the barn. It’s set up to keep angels and demons out. Protecting her is your job.” Jake looked back at Lily and nodded, so I looked at Cas and Dean to see if they were ready. They were. “Cas, I want you take Dean to the barn if I give the word. The angels can’t get to him there.” 

Cas looked from Dean to me and nodded, which effectively cut Dean’s argument off. It might annoy him now, but I’d learned it from him. _Time to get a good look at our adversary._ Standing in the doorway out of the saloon, Dean came up behind me and whispered, “I’m not some kid that needs you to protect me. You can have him send me to the barn, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stay there.” 

_I guess not. I wouldn’t._ “For the sake of everyone, I hope you do, but I won’t hold it against you if you don’t.” Before he could respond to that, I walked out into the muddy street and said, “Azazel, I –“ 

Dean used my distraction of a conversation to shoot Azazel with one of the devil’s trap bullets. It didn’t look like Sam had been too far behind in doing the same thing, because Azazel got hit in the back with a second round maybe a second later. Azazel laughed. “Did you really think it was going to be that easy?” 

Pulling my angel blade out of its sheath, I answered, “No, but it’s better to take your chances when you have them, isn’t it?” 

I heard a growl to Dean’s left, wrapped my arms around him, and threw him to the ground with me seconds before a yelp rang out as Cas killed the invisible hellhound. Taking out two pairs of glasses from my jacket pocket, I handed one to Dean and said, “Put these on. Leave the hellhounds to me. Your job is to stay out of their way.” 

Our glasses were on our faces before we’d even gotten to our feet, and . . . it looked like someone had definitely marked out the wards I’d carved into the trees around the town. There were disembodied demons surrounding us, but I think the hellhounds outnumbered them by quadruple . . . probably because Azazel hadn’t been able to open that devil’s gate in Wyoming and more demons out. That gave me an idea.

_Chuck, I haven’t asked for anything in a month. I know it used to go a lot longer between times in our old life . . . maybe learning to ask for help more often is something you wanted me to learn . . . you just won’t help when I’m dying . . . except you helped me when Sam almost killed me . . . I still haven’t figured this out quite yet, but I’m working on it. Anyway, you haven’t needed to protect us from the psychics . . . I’m thinking that last devil’s gate in Wyoming made quite the statement . . . If you want to help out, maybe mix it up a little to keep it fresh. I’m looking forward to whatever you come up with this time._

When the wind picked up, I looked over my shoulder at Dean and said, “Stay close,” just as the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. Seconds later lightning started shooting out of the ground and straight into the invisible battalion surrounding us. 

I heard Dean yell, “What the fuck,” as he jumped back from the flames left behind by a lightning bolt that’d exited the earth near him, but he was mostly drowned out by the sounds of wind that were whipping around us and creating a cyclone. We were in the eye of it, and the winds gave us something of a barrier of protection against the hellhounds that leapt towards us . . . when they weren’t being fried by lightning. It was spectacular. 

A hellhound made it through our defenses, but to do that, it had to take a running leap, so it was at just the right level for me to drop to my knees, gut it, and then roll out of the way. Managed to just get Hellhound juice on my boots instead of all over me. Maybe I was learning. 

Seeing movement in my peripheral vision, I scrambled to my feet and tackled Dean as another hellhound came flying in his direction. That time when I sliced through its stomach, I didn’t have enough time to get out of the way, so it’s black blood poured down on my back before I rolled Dean and I away from its body as it fell. When we got to our feet, Cas was dealing with another hellhound that’d made it through, but for the most part, they were either being sucked up into the tornado and being torn apart by debris or being fried into oblivion.

I chanced a look at Azazel, and he was watching it all unfold, before his eyes locked with mine. “Hope you didn’t just blow your wad on a few demons and hellhounds. You aren’t going to stop this any better than you did with Sammy’s little girlfriend. This is their destiny.” 

_Maybe, but you won’t get to see what happens next._ I pulled Dean and Cas with me, so the cyclone would follow us. The idea was to make Azazel think that he was about to be kicked out of our safe zone in the middle. His attention was entirely on the tornado, and just as he was about to go through the wall, I looked over my shoulder at Dean and said, “This one’s all yours.” He looked confused, so I pulled out the Colt that’d been resting in the inside pocket of my jacket ever since the winds had picked up. God still wanted Dean to be the one to take the shot.

After taking the Colt, it took Dean a couple of seconds to realize what he was holding before he pointed it in Azazel’s direction and got this cold, hard look on his face. He went from being a man who had no real idea what was happening to one with a goal, a purpose, a way to resolve something that’d been plaguing him his entire life, and then he pulled the trigger. The bullet came spiraling out of the chamber, and in less than a quarter of a second, hit Azazel in the heart, and it was over, but it wasn’t really over. It’d never be over, because his Mom was still dead, and he and Sam were still hunters, and that would never change. 

As Azazel died, the tornado died with him. All that was left were the sounds of the rain and the smell of sulfur. It was entirely too quiet. “We need to –“ Dean didn’t get to finish what he was going to say, because that’s when comets started plummeting out of the sky and landing in big fiery balls on the ground. _I didn’t actually think they’d come. I mean, I did, but . . . not really. Fate, you’re a bitch. Killing Azazel and keeping Dean from feeling so worthless that he would sign his soul over, like it was nothing, and saving Sam and these final psy kids from each other and Azazel . . . that should’ve been enough . . . Something told me it wouldn’t be, and I guess that’s why I planned for this, but I’d really been hoping . . . this is nothing like that TV show or their last time through this._

When the first one stood and took a step towards us, like the freaking terminator, I looked towards Jake. He was watching them. I had to yell to get his attention, as more stood and started advancing on us. Jake gave me a nod and grabbed Lily before he started sprinting towards the general store. “Dean go with –“ 

“There’s no way in hell I’m leaving you out here with them.” I guess he was pretty serious. He used the last two bullets in the Colt on two of the closest angels, and they dropped to the ground. Their grace came shooting out of their heads, seconds later, and I ducked my head to hide my eyes in time to watch Dean throw the Colt on the ground, now that it was of no further use to him. _No Lilith, no final seal. No need for the first seal. That’s the key to let her out._ I dove for the Colt at roughly the same time Dean took off running towards the body of one of the angels he’d just killed. Sam had him covered and fired into the angels closest to Dean as Dean slid on his knees the rest of the way and picked up an angel blade. 

Handing the Colt to Cas, I said, “Go melt this down and come back. If they get ahold of this, they can still open the gate in Wyoming, and Lilith will be released.” 

Cas looked at the gun in his hand, and before he could argue with me, I said, “Go. The sooner you do it, the sooner you can come back. When you do, I want you to send Dean to the barn. Don’t let him know you’re going to do it before you do. Any time you see him out here after that, send him back.” He nodded and disappeared, and then my attention went on the angels now surrounding Dean. 

The first ones were easy targets, a swift jab through the back of one’s neck, and then I was landing on my knees in the soft mud behind it while I ducked my head to shield my eyes, but not before I had time to stab the two that’d been next to it in the back before they really knew I was there. Then I was back on my feet and ran around their little circle. They started to spread out and gave Dean the opening he needed. We were on opposite sides of the wall of angels by the time I was done. The angels that’d been shot by Sam and Dean were slow and starting to realize that the bullets were what had slowed them down, so they started trying to dig the bullets out with their hands. 

One of them flung me before I could do anything about that. I didn’t know which one had done it, but I did know that I was flying through the air and heading towards one of the buildings. When I got to it, I pushed off of it with the right force and the right angle in a little move I’d learned in all the practices I’d had with Cas and flipped around, landed in a crouch, and was ready to impale the angel waiting for me to my right. 

One angel . . . one angel I could handle. When I got a couple, things were a lot harder . . . Three was impossible, so I shut everything I was feeling down. Time slowed, and I knew what I had to do. 

_Block up, down, right, left, drop to your knees, and stab up through the stomach of the one on your right. Catch his blade with your left hand, and use it to impale the angel on your left. Block the back of your head with a cross maneuver, she’s locked in with the blade in your left hand, disengage your right blade, lift up with your left, duck to go under your arm, spin to face her. Let the blade in your right hand follow the movement of your body and slice across her legs, twirl the blade, so it’s positioned up and thrust into her stomach._

_Stand as she falls, and turn to the angels still in a line as her grace explodes behind you. Do what they don’t expect. Sheath your angel blade, replace it with your gun. Head shots in every single angel . . . They’re still coming . . . change the mag, and double tap them all. There’s no digging those bullets out. Unload and reload with your final mag. Holster the gun, left angel blade back in your left hand, twirl both blades, so they know you have two . . . Cas is back. He’s going for the ones on the right. Dean just disappeared. Keep an eye out for when he runs out of the barn, and focus on the middle. Pull them towards you and away from him when he runs back out here._

It took almost no time for Cas and I to cut them down from about 13 angels to one, a new arrival . . . Uriel. Raphael wasn’t here. Michael wasn’t there. Maybe I should get them here. If Fate wanted to be a bitch, then I could be one too and just wipe both of them out together. No archangels, no Apocalypse. An archangel blade might be the only thing that could kill them, but if they were pumped full of angel bullets, it should weaken them enough that I’d feel confident in calling Dad in to give me his blade, so I could finish them off. I think he'd kill Raphael, but Michael . . . Dad might not want to kill him. The only problem is that Michael’s the one who was following this Apocalypse nonsense, so he had to go too. 

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to make any of that happened. Instead, Uriel raised his hand towards the barn, and it collapsed. He wasn’t playing around . . . in fact, I think he was planning on smiting the entire town in one go, because you could feel a charge in the air that reminded me a hell of a lot of what it’d felt like at the devil’s gate when Dad went off, and I didn’t particularly care for his stance or the increase in glowing power he was exhibiting. He was a specialist at this kind of thing. _Where is Dean? I don’t think he’s in the barn._ The last time I’d seen, he’d been to the right of us in the street. Just as Cas was knocking me down, so he could stand in front of me, and everything started going bright white, I thought, _“God, it’d be good if you could take everyone here to Dean or as close to Dean as you can get us,”_ and then everything went really white and then black.


	64. Blank Slates For All But One

“Hey, Sam . . . Sam, wake up, man.” Sam’s eyes blinked open, and he found himself looking up at Jake and Andy. He closed his eyes and opened them again to see if that’s what he was really seeing. They were still there. It was day, cloudy and gray, but day. The last he knew it was night and storming, and he guessed that he remembered falling through the barn roof. _What about everyone else?_

He quickly sat up and felt a pain his ribs, but ignored it while he looked around. He saw Lily trying to shake Beth awake and automatically raised his hand to tell Lily not to touch her, which was a big mistake as pain shot through him. She wouldn’t mean to do it, but she made people’s hearts stop with a single touch, and – 

Jake laughed and said, “I think they’re gone . . . our powers. I tried lifting a beam off of you back at the barn and got nowhere with it. I think now that he’s dead . . . they’re gone.” No more headaches. No more death visions. Sam wasn’t going to miss those. He looked to his left for Dean and didn’t see him anywhere. All he saw was Cas passed out next them, and then he remembered Dean disappearing before the barn came crashing down. 

“Cas wake up yet?” Sam asked while stretching to assess the damage. It felt like he had a couple of broken ribs, and now that he was sitting, the light pouring through the clouds was giving him a different kind of headache, one that indicated he probably had a concussion. He could handle that . . . just not the migraines he used to get. 

Andy looked at Cas and said, “Uh, yeah . . . he said to give him a few minutes. He’s trying to hold onto his grace, so he can repair some kind of damage Uriel did to him.” 

_What’d Uriel do to him?_ Sam took another look at Cas. He didn’t look great . . . actually looked like he’d been stabbed. Rolling onto his knees, Sam crawled over to Cas and went to move Cas’s trench coat out of the way, so he could have a closer look, but stopped when Cas said, “Uriel threw his blade before we disappeared. I could not see it through the light . . . Is Beth alive?” 

Sam looked over his shoulder at Lily, and Lily said, “She’s alive. She just won’t wake up.” 

Sam gave her an appreciative nod and went back to looking down at Cas. “Hear that? It’s gonna take her a little longer to wake up . . . Did you bring us here?” 

Cas kept his eyes closed and frowned slightly. “No, I don’t know where we are. It must’ve been Beth.” Okay . . . God was being pretty accommodating on this whole answering what Beth wanted thing. Sam didn’t exactly understand how it worked. It worked sometimes and didn’t other times. That tornado had been something else. Sam wondered why she didn’t use it all the time or find better ways of using it, like by using it to kill Azazel off as soon as she got to Cold Oak. A lot of psychics’ lives would’ve been saved if she’d done that, or if she’d said something to God about protecting the Roadhouse, any lives lost there wouldn’t have been lost. He wondered who the casualties from the Roadhouse were. 

“Any idea where Uriel sent Dean?” It’s what Sam had really wanted to know. 

Cas’s eyes finally opened, and he said, “Pray to Gabriel. I think we’re going to need his help,” before he turned his head to look at Beth and said, “Tell him Beth is hurt. That should make him a little faster.” 

Easier said than done. “I would if I knew where we were.” 

Cas closed his eyes again and said, “You need to find a way to wake up Beth.” 

Sam sat back on his heels and took his jacket off, so he could tie the arms around his neck and use it as a sling for his arm that hurt almost as bad as his ribs. _”Gabriel, the archangel or messenger of God or whatever you want to call yourself . . . We need your help. I’m not entirely sure what happened. There was a fight . . . Azazel’s dead. Some angels came down after he died . . . Beth and Cas killed most of them. Dean helped, and then he disappeared, and I got knocked out, but now that I’m awake we’re all together somewhere else. Cas was stabbed. Beth won’t wake up. I’m hurt, and Dean’s missing. Cas thinks Beth had God bring us here. He says we’re going to need your help, so I guess I’m putting you on standby until I can figure out where we are . . . unless you know where were are. It’s daylight, cloudy, and . . . we’re in a meadow surrounded by trees. This place feels weird . . . it’s kind of giving me bad vibes, but if Beth knows about it, I’m guessing you do too.”_

Nothing? Sam hoped Gabriel wasn’t stuck in a ring of holy fire the way he was that one time. He hoped it was just because the details weren’t all there, and Gabriel didn’t know where they were. Sam watched Jake and Andy walk back to the group carrying bundles of sticks. Jake looked a million times lighter than he had the entire time they’d been in that town. He was smiling and joking around with Andy and teaching him how to start a fire. Andy looked like he was looking forward to a bonfire and said he wished he had some pot. Lily still looked a little sad, but relaxed at the same time, like she was relieved not to be in that town anymore. Whatever she was feeling, it looked like she was going to take on the responsibility of keeping an eye on Beth until she woke up. 

Sam turned back to ask Cas why he thought Beth had brought them here, and Cas was sitting up. He still looked like crap, but he was sitting up. That had to be a good sign. Cas gave him a serious look and said, “I am nowhere near where I need to be to do what needs to be done now. It’s why we need Gabriel,” before he grunted as he struggled to his feet, went over to Beth, and touched his fingers to her forehead. 

Whatever Cas did made Beth gasp as her eyes shot open. Half a second later, she had to put her arms up to protect her head as Cas collapsed on top of her. After she got done pushing him off of her enough to sit up, Beth rolled Cas over to have a look for injuries. “What happened?”

Sam knew the answer that one. “That last angel threw his angel blade at him, and Cas said he couldn’t get out of the way of it, because he couldn’t see past the light.” 

Beth looked around at where they were and slumped. Sam thought he might’ve heard her, whisper, “Oh no,” before she leaned down and whispered something in Cas’s ear. Cas nodded, so Beth said, “And you think it’s only a matter of time before you’re cut off?” Cas nodded again, and Beth quickly reached into her pocket to pull out her cell phone. Cell phone? Sam hadn’t even thought about trying to get a signal, but it didn’t look like Beth was having any trouble finding one as she called her Dad and told him their coordinates. How she knew the exact ones, Sam didn’t know, but apparently they were the right ones, because Gabriel showed up before Beth had even hung up. 

Paige was with him. Sam had forgotten all about her. He guessed it was a good thing she’d been with Gabriel all this time. It was probably the safest place she could’ve been. She went over to give Beth a hug and then saw Sam and went over to give him a hug too after he got to his feet. He hissed at her embrace, and she quickly took a step back before Gabriel tossed him a sports drink. _This stuff again?_ “What is it with this stuff? Why can’t you just –“ 

Beth turned to look at Sam and answered, “Isn’t it obvious? He can’t actually do anything to heal us . . . it’s one of the rules he was given.” Oh, Sam guessed that made sense if that was a rule, but why was that a rule?

Sam watched Gabriel sit next to Cas and looked down at Beth. “What’s he doing now?” 

“Well, Cas healed me, so he hasn’t been cut off from Heaven yet, but when he does get cut off, it’ll be a lot harder for him to heal himself, so Dad’s just giving him a little boost to speed it along . . . because we’ve got big things to do, and Cas needs to be strong enough to do them, or he’s staying here.” Cas quickly opened his eyes and looked up at Beth, so he could argue that with her, and she said, “You’re not going if you don’t get better,” before she looked at Sam and added, “And neither are you, Sam, so drink up.” 

“Where are we going?“ 

Beth looked over her shoulder and answered, “Hell.” 

“What about Dean? That angel took him, and –“ 

Beth turned her attention back on Sam and said, “Wanna know what I asked God? I asked him to take us all to wherever Dean was or as close to it as possible just before Uriel smote that town. We woke up near a doorway into Hell. The only reason those angels showed up was to get things back on track. There was no mention of Raphael’s secret agenda with me. They weren’t there on his orders. I’d say they were there on someone else’s orders, like Zachariah’s . . . They were just a few angels sent to make sure things went according to plan.” 

Sam felt like he was about 10-steps behind, because none of this made sense to him. “But I’m not dead. I didn’t die. He didn’t have to sell his soul. Shouldn’t that mean that he didn’t have to go to Hell?” 

Beth looked like she felt a little sorry for him and said, “Part of why that prophecy was so hard to fulfill is because Dean should’ve never been in Hell. Righteous men don’t typically get sent there . . . Even if you had died, it was never supposed to stick, so it doesn’t really matter if you died or not as long as Dean still ended up in Hell. I told you things were hard to erase, and all we managed to was erase the date and speed this up . . . We have to get to Dean before Alistair or Lilith find out he’s there if Uriel didn’t just send him straight to Alistair . . . I had Cas melt the Colt down, so nobody could use it as a key to open a gate to Hell in Wyoming, and because Azazel is dead, he wasn’t able to tell the demon army waiting at that gate, that he’s not coming, so most of the dangerous ones, like the Seven Deadly Sins and Lilith, are probably waiting near a gate they’re never going to get out . . . I’m working on the assumption that if Lilith could figure out how to get out of Hell on her own, she wouldn’t have needed the Gate in Wyoming opened for her. As long as she stays in Hell, she won’t be able to be the last seal, but that is a story for another day . . . I’m more concerned with getting Dean out of there before the first seal is broken. I don’t know if the righteous man shedding blood in Hell, literally means that he can’t hurt or kill anyone while he’s there, but the last I saw, he had an angel blade, so if he kills anything while he’s in Hell, that may be enough to break that first seal . . . that’s if Alistair doesn’t have him, and that is not something I want Dean to go through again . . . I promised him a long time ago that if he ever went to Hell again, I’d get him out, so that’s what I’m going to do . . . Drink that stuff, or like I said, you aren’t coming with us.” 

Okay, but – Sam slumped and twisted the cap off at the look Beth threw his way. Should probably do what she said. She could explain things more when they were in Hell, he guessed, if that’s where they were really going. Or when they got back she could explain it. He didn’t imagine there’d be much time for her to say anything while they were in Hell. At least Beth wanted to bring him and wasn’t just planning on leaving him here to babysit the others. Paige could do that. She had enough experience under her belt now to do it. 

_What is Beth doing now?_ He watched her take a flask out of her pocket and pour some on the ground before she set it on fire and took a couple of pairs of glasses from her Dad. Sam was starting to think that maybe Dean had been right. They didn’t really know Beth anymore. In some ways she was . . . Sam didn’t know how to explain it, but it was like she was doing this with children and didn’t have time to explain every last thing or her reasons for doing things and not doing things. She was starting to act a little like their Dad even if she filled Sam in on more than his Dad ever did. 

Hell . . . Sam didn’t know what they were going to do there or how they were going to find Dean, but it looked like Beth had an idea of what to do and what to expect, and she knew this backdoor into the place. _Speaking of which . . . what am I supposed to use when I go through that door?_ Apparently, she’d had Cas melt the Colt down, and Dean had the demon killing knife and an angel blade. _What about me?_ If she asked God for an angel blade for him too, did that mean that she wouldn’t have God’s help in Hell? 

This was . . . well, this was just about the last thing Sam thought he’d be doing a couple of months ago or even a week ago. Her remembering everything was as annoying as it was helpful, and at the same time, she was still the girl who helped him with physics after she talked him into taking it. This whole thing was messed up. He couldn’t wait for it to be over, so they could all be on the same page and get back to whatever it was their lives were all supposed to be.


	65. Sneaking In the Back Door

Sam looked down at the angel blade in his hand. It was the spare one I’d picked up. I guess he hadn’t expected me to have anything for him, so he was a little surprised to see it. It made him relax anyway. The better Sam had felt after drinking the watermelon sports drink, the more he’d looked like he was getting worked up about things. 

Cas, on the other hand, was at about 50%, and that was without him being cut off and with Dad sitting next to him. Maybe he wouldn’t be cut off if Uriel thought he was dead, but I didn’t want to bank on an uncertainty like that. If being cut off hindered him anyway . . . maybe we should leave him here, so he could help Paige and the others get home now that Azazel was no longer a threat. He could make sure Azazel hadn’t left any surprises in the form of demons waiting for them or hex bags or whatever. “You are not going to Hell without me.” 

Well, he sounded pretty sure of that. I took a knee next to Cas and flipped open his unbuttoned white shirt, so I could have a look at his chest again. It had been extremely close to being lights out for him. I glanced at Dad to see what he thought about how Cas was healing, and he shrugged. He was more than a little annoyed with me because I hadn’t asked for his help when the angels showed up. He was going to be really annoyed with me if we found Dean in the state I suspected Dean might be in by the time we got to him. This was a disaster. Dean was in Hell . . . again . . . round two of the atrocities he’d lived through once already . . . I mean he might not be in Hell, but – 

“Stop. You know he is. Wasting time by debating it with yourself isn’t going to make it any different, and I’m not annoyed with you. I’m annoyed that I didn’t even think this might be a possible solution to the righteous man problem . . . I guess I should have. I mean Sam and Dean wouldn’t even exist if my brothers hadn’t sent cupids out to set up their parents and their parents’ parents and their parents’ parents’ parents for however long they were at it.” Dad paused and looked up to the sky before he added, “And what they just did interfered a hell of a lot more than I ever did,” almost petulantly. Must be why God set him up with the rules he’d given him . . . no healing or helping us unless we asked . . . these rules were almost like a punishment for him helping me out with things, like hiding me in Stull Cemetary when I had to trap Michael. 

Dad looked at me, and this fatherly smile he got sometimes came out before he shook his head and said, “Nice one on the loophole to end all loopholes. Don’t think I don’t know that’s why I can talk to my daughter, like a grown up now.” 

_Yeah, about that . . ._ “Keep that in mind if I ask you to do something you don’t want to do.” 

Dad sighed and slumped a little. “Yeah, I know . . . Can I just say, I’ve had more fun this time around? I got to hear about your hunts and help out more on lore . . . more my kind of thing than figuring out science conundrums for you. I enjoyed knocking Azazel around some too, just wish I’d figured out my loophole a little sooner, so I could’ve been more hands on years ago.” Yeah, and I got to see him more this time around too, because he wasn’t sending me off to other parts of the world to study. 

Before I could say anything Dad looked down at Cas and said, “We shouldn’t put this off any longer. I’ll help keep him upright. He keeps threatening to follow us if we leave him. He said he’s an angel, not a babysitter.” 

I laughed at that. “Does he know he babysits Rogue more than I do?” Cas opened his eyes, so he could argue with me, and Dad said, “Relax, Castiel . . . She didn’t mean you couldn’t come, and she knows you might not be our Castiel . . . not even I can tell if you are or not.” Dad wrapped an arm around Cas’s waist to help him get to his feet, and flicked a glance in my direction. “And you and I are going to have a talk about Rogue when you get back. I’ve been waiting for you to figure it out on your own, but it’s taking too long. Think I’m just going to follow the two of you around, so I can tell you what she’s thinking, because you have things all wrong.” Yeah, okay . . . whatever that meant. 

I looked over my shoulder to see if Sam was coming, and he indicated for me to wait a second while he finished off his directions for Paige. At least Jake and Lily would be with someone that knew what they were doing as far as warding against demons was concerned. Jogging to catch up with us, Sam said, “Is Cas going to be all right? Maybe he should stay –“ 

Dad shut that down. “Don’t even think about it . . . You’ll just make him more annoyed than he already is, and I’ll have to listen to him bitch about it over angel radio.” 

Sam nodded, while he looked from Dad to Cas and then focused on me. “Paige is going to check on the Roadhouse after she takes them home. I told her I don’t know how long this is going to take, so we’ll let her know when we’re done, and if she has any problems, she can call Bobby.” 

_Is that wise?_ Sending her to a place like that on her own if Cheryl didn’t make it would be bad enough, but what if there were still demons lurking around? “Can’t be everywhere at once, Elsbeth . . . just because you know what’s going on now doesn’t mean you’re in this alone. Remember that, and remember to delegate,” Dad said as we got to the door. 

I gave him a nod to let him know I’d consider it and then looked at Sam. “One, time works differently in Hell. Two, when I was here, Crowley had the place cleaned up, efficient, and full of order. I’m expecting it to be chaotic and straight out of your worst nightmares under the current regime, so we have got to be quiet. Three, there’s a bit of a drop just inside the doorway, so stop on the ledge and wait for my Dad and Cas to come through. They can fly us down to the ground. We’ll need their help getting back out unless you’re any good at climbing.” Then I said the little phrase in Italian that Crowley had used to close this door . . . but in reverse, so it’d open.

Sam looked confused and said, “Where’s the door,” so I stuck my hand into the air in front of us, and you couldn’t see it past a certain point. It actually looked pretty cool, like the air was rippling around my arm the way water would. Ducking down to have a closer look, Sam asked, “Is your hand in Hell right now?” 

I gave him a smirk, and then pushed him off balance, so he went right on through the door. Cas and Dad followed next, and then I followed last, so I could close the door behind us. Thank fuck the ledge was still there. Sam was at the edge of it and looking down into a chasm that was probably a few miles deep. There was lightning everywhere and dark clouds . . . hundreds of thousands of chains were zig zagged through the clouds. I pulled Sam’s pair of hellhound glasses out of my pocket and had him put them on while I put mine own on, and Dad didn’t even wait for me to ask before he touched both of our foreheads to make sure the glasses stuck to our faces. 

_Yeah, that’s what I’d thought._ There were peoples’ souls attached to all of those chains . . . kind of figured because of all the screaming, and that’s what happened to Dean when he got here the first time. “Welcome to the limbo portion of Hell Sam . . . the place souls go when they’re waiting for their turn on the rack, or in Crowley’s case the waiting line at the DMV.” I sighed and then looked at Dad. He snapped his fingers, and we were at the bottom of the chasm a few seconds later. Things certainly had changed around here with Crowley in charge . . . well, not limbo. That seemed to be the same, but the rest of Hell was definitely more fire and brimstone now. The demon in charge certainly did like their Dante’s _Inferno._

“You’re not wrong . . . Crowley liked to keep all his pets locked up, but they are all roaming free now . . . Stay close. Think you remember what the first level of Hell proper was,” Dad said after deciding to take the lead. He was helping Cas walk, so I took the back. 

Sam stopped and leaned down to be closer to my height and whispered, “Minos?” I nodded, so Sam swallowed and held onto his blade a little tighter. Mine was already in my hand, but I didn’t really think we had anything to worry about with Minos if all Virgil had to do was have a word with him, and he left Dante alone. A word with my Dad should do the trick, or that’s what I was thinking as we moved along the embankment to our right in a straight line, backs hugging the rock, so we didn’t step off into a fiery pool of lava, but as it turns out, the monster had a different idea.

We encountered the . . . well, he was Minos, but he wasn’t what I’d pictured. He was more like a man with arms and legs made of anacondas 3 times the length they would be if they were in the tropics . . . and he was a freaking giant. He was waiting for us on the patch of land on the other side of the fiery river. Dad was talking to him in a language not even I knew, and then he quickly shoved me past him and the monster when he got the all clear on letting me pass. Not a time to ask questions or talk . . . I got through, so I was golden. 

I didn’t really think about what would happen with Sam. I probably should have given his history, but he didn’t remember that history even though I knew it was marked all over his soul. Before my Dad even had two words out in defense of Sam, Minos had already wrapped one of his snakey appendages around Sam about 10 times, and that wasn’t good . . . there was Hell, and then there was the abyss, and if this Hell followed Dante’s vision of it, 9 was like where Lucifer was being held, so I’m guessing 10 was the abyss. 

Dad tried working his lawyer magic, but it still looked like Minos was just going to chuck Sam into the lake of fire or maybe even fling him however he flung souls into the pit. “Beth, you wanna help me out here?” 

_Me? I don’t know how to speak to this thing._ “Can’t you just command him to do what you want if you’re an archangel? I mean they have to obey you, don’t they?” 

Dad gave me an annoyed look, and readjusted Cas’s arm around his shoulder before Cas said, “I think you have been among humans so long that you have forgotten what you truly are.” 

Dad gave Cas the bitchiest bitch face that I’d ever seen him give anyone and then he looked at Minos. “Put him down over there next to her . . . Before I smite you for questioning me.” 

The air changed. Even for Hell, it felt unsettling . . . Dad was pissed. Seemed to work, because after a brief hesitation, Minos put Sam down next to me and let Cas and Dad through without any further incident. “And I don’t expect any hassle when we come back through here . . . even if I’m not with them, I expect you to let them pass, and you are not to tell anyone that we’re here. Is that understood?” Minos nodded, so Dad added an awkward, “Keep up the good work,” and then it was onto our next obstacle, the moat of fire we’d been moving around since we got here. 

Cas was the one to raise Dean from perdition the last time, which meant that even though this might not be my Cas, he must have a general idea of the direction we had to go. My Dad on the other hand seemed to know exactly where we were going. What about my Dean tracker? It was more than a little rusty. I wondered why that was. It’s clearly how Dean found me in Cold Oak, but why hadn’t we been using it until then? Is it because we were always together and didn’t need it? Or is it because we didn’t know about it, so we didn’t use it? Did that mean we’d made our soul mate connection supercharged in our other life, because that’s what we thought it was supposed to be after what Cas told Dean about it in that barn? I didn’t know. I’d figure it out later. My Dad was ready to get this show on the road, and I didn’t blame him. We didn’t have any time to waste.


	66. Journey Into Hell

Sam watched his feet as they trod over the bloody skeletal remains of humans. That’s all the ground seemed to made up of down here . . . seriously, how the hell did these bones get here if souls were the only thing down here? Maybe more morons had decided to go to Hell over the years than anyone ever knew, and this is what became of them? He had an archangel with them, and he still didn’t feel safe. He hadn’t ever since Minos had decided to target him way back at the beginning. That was a while ago now, but it still stood out to him. Ever since then he’d wondered what the hell he’d actually done in this last life. He knew the legends about Minos. He knew why it’d wrapped around his body the number of times it had. He’d known he’d done some bad things in his last life. He’d known that he’d gone bad . . . really, really bad, but it made him think that maybe the things Beth had been saying that he did in the last life were right, and he hadn’t really thought they were. He’d thought they were exaggerations. 

Billions dead . . . that Sam believed because of what God said to him in that meeting, but what was it she said to Cas that one time? He’d also sold the children that’d survived the virus to monsters and crucified Dean? Had he really done that to his brother? Sam knew he’d done some bad things in this life as a result of the darkness he felt inside him sometimes, but to do those kinds of things? He hadn’t thought he had it in him to be that . . . evil. 

The billions dead he was even able to somehow justify to himself. He’d just released a virus . . . the kind of global catastrophe that followed was on him, but it was a single act that had a domino effect and took out more and more people until there weren’t many left. But to do more after that . . . to go full-on evil . . . Sam listened to the screams that reverberated around every corner of Hell and watched the contorted faces and grabbing hands that reached out to him from the cliff walls this merry band of misfits were following to stay somewhat hidden in the shadows, and he thought about how when he died . . . this is where he’d end up. Maybe it’s where he deserved to be, but it’s certainly not where he wanted to be.

They’d been here for a long time. Sometimes it felt like that’s all his life had ever been, the screaming and the faces and the bones and blood and guts and rivers of fire and the smell of sulphur . . . nothing here resembled anything close to anything found on Earth, except maybe in the imaginations of people having some seriously bad nightmares. Sam missed trees and grass and riding shotgun in the Impala with the windows rolled down. He missed eating and sleeping, neither of which he’d had to do here. 

Beth had told him time worked different in Hell, but Sam hadn’t really known what she meant . . . He’d actually had to give his watch to her back at the start, because it’d started getting to him. They’d walk 50 miles or more, and he’d look at his watch and see that they’d only been walking for 5 minutes. If he could eat or sleep, it would break up the days and make him feel like they were making some kind of progress. Then he could say that they’d been walking for 200 days or 2 years or however long they’d been here, but as of right now, he had no idea how long that’d been. At least he knew he’d get out of here someday. Sam couldn’t imagine, didn’t want to get to a point where he could imagine, what an eternity here would be like. 

They got to the top of a mound of bones, and Sam got a good look at what was on the other side before he looked back towards the way they’d come. It was like being in a desert made of corpses instead of sand. It felt arid just like a desert would be, and there were dunes as far as the eye could see. Foreboding cliffs to their right blocked them into this wasteland, and the whole scene was topped off by the dark clouds and lightening above them. Sam knew what was in those clouds. He missed the sun. 

It looked like maybe the demons were starting to get the idea that nobody was coming to open that gate Beth had been talking about, because behind them they’d found very few demons. In front of them though . . . it seemed like there were trillions of them in some kind of a demonic rave where music had been replaced by screaming and crying and bitterness and hate. This is why Beth had told him that when Cas came here for Dean the last time, he’d been with a battalion of angels, and they’d suffered serious casualties. 

How was this little band of 4 supposed to make it across that? Beth should’ve just asked God for them to be sent straight to Dean or for Dean be brought back to Earth or for them to be sent to the other side of this sea of demons . . . demons without bodies that didn’t just look like a swirling mass of smoke. They looked solid and grotesque. They all used to be people? This place turned them into those? There wasn’t a word to describe how bad this place was . . . not terrible or horrifying or even hellish. Maybe hellish would take on a new meaning for him, and maybe horrifying . . . maybe that’s what he was truly seeing for the first time.

In between the demons in the rave . . . movement thigh high showed some kinds of devilish animals picking up the scraps of what fell to the ground from human souls being torn apart in screaming agony above their heads. Hellhounds? Sam may be able to see the demons just fine too, but that’s what Beth said the glasses were meant to make him see . . . hellhounds. They looked like panthers or . . . he didn’t know what. The very sight of them offended his senses on a primal level. No wonder demons were always trying to finds way out of Hell. Even after you were a demon, things were still really bad for you here. They had nothing better to do than try to find ways out and listen to the screams and contribute to them and from the looks of things, tear new arrivals and each other apart out of sheer boredom. 

It was around this moment that Sam realized they were going to lose the fight between good and evil. Behind every demon they killed or sent back to Hell, there were billions more, and as long as there were ways for demons to escape, they would. There would forever be a never ending stream of them on Earth. 

Sam actually missed the simplicity of monsters. They were all tigers eating from the trough of humanity to survive, but they weren’t inherently evil. They didn’t love destruction for the sake of destruction or ripping the entrails out of others, so they could dance around and squish what was left of their adversaries under their feet and through their fingers, or have orgies in them. And are those freaking harpies flying above all the chaos? Whatever they were, they were swooping down and picking up unsuspecting souls off the ground, and then dropping them on their heads to crack them open and eat what came out. A couple of the harpies were picking up random demons, and not quite demons-yet, so they could rip them apart in the air high above the masses. The demons on the ground, continuing to dance and fight in all the chaos, opened their mouths to take in the blood as it rained down from the harpies conquests, the way children did snow. 

Dean had no business being in a place like this. They didn’t have any business being in a place like this. If it weren’t for Dean, Sam would’ve done an about face right here and left to go home, but he couldn’t if Dean was here somewhere in all the madness . . . That, and he couldn’t go back home, or at least he couldn’t go home by himself, because they were being pursued by something and had been for what felt like years now. So far as he could tell, it was some unseen thing that didn’t want them here. The other three all seemed to know what it was. Knowing that Gabriel was now pushing them towards this chaos rather than trying to find another way around and chance encountering whatever was chasing them was a good enough reason for Sam not to question what was chasing them just yet. 

They stayed along the cliffs. The demons all seemed to have enough sense to stay away from the cliffs with faces and hands that pulled you to them if you got too close. It was a careful balancing act of staying in the shadows and away from the demons while at the same time not getting too close to those cliffs. What made it even more difficult was that Sam was with three beacons of light that stood out like a sore thumb in a place like this. It was a good thing the demons out there were too preoccupied with doing whatever the hell it was they were doing, because it meant Sam and his new family got further than Sam had thought they would before any of the demons really noticed, but nothing good stays like that forever . . . When the demons did notice, it looked like Sam and the other 3 were going to have to fight the rest of the way there. 

Gabriel shouted orders and told them what to do . . . Stay in the shadows and away from the cliffs . . . Don’t pursue trouble. Don’t let yourself be separated from the group, and do not let the harpies pick you up and carry you off. Seemed pretty simple until you actually got picked up by a demon and hoisted away from the group. The demons didn’t necessarily seem to have powers, like telekinesis or teleportation, the way they did on Earth, but they were insanely strong.

Gabriel showed up and smote the demons that’d had Sam over their heads. Sam fell to the ground, only to see a skull looking back at him, and thought that demons didn’t really need powers down here, because they had numbers and physical strength and what appeared to be weapons, because that one had an axe. The next thing Sam knew, he’d been transported back by Beth near the cliffs. She was mid-spin, sliced through the chest of demon, and finished the spin by stabbing her short sword up through the chest of a hellhound that’d leapt towards Sam without him knowing. 

He was out of his depth. He must’ve said that, because Beth turned to look at him while she pushed him forward and said, “You’re going to have to learn Sam . . . You can’t go back now. Take your chances while you have them, keep moving . . . never stop moving or fighting . . . find a destination, and don’t let anything stop you from getting there.” 

Pretty solid advice, or he thought it was before got picked up and pulled into the crowed again. Then next thing he knew, he was being thrown towards the cliff. This was it. He was going to get knocked out, and those hands were going to pull him into the cliff, and he’d be trapped in there with them. Sam stopped mid-air about 3 inches from a group of outstretched hands. It didn’t seem like he was going anywhere, so Sam looked to the ground and tentatively put his foot down, and then he felt whatever was holding onto him release. 

When he looked towards Gabriel, the archangel shook his head, like he was disappointed in him, and at the same time unsure of what to do about him, and then he looked past Sam, so Sam did too and saw Beth crowd surfing in the sea of demons, but she was slicing and cutting and fighting her way back down to the ground, so she could make any demons near her sorry they were within arms reach. When Sam looked back at Gabriel to see if he was going to help her, Gabriel arched one of his eyebrows in response and pointed behind Sam to make Sam look again. The next thing Sam knew, Beth was behind him panting and pushing him forward. When Sam glanced at Gabriel again, he got two distinct impressions from the look he got. Gabriel was proud of Beth, and he wanted Sam to be more like that. Kind of made Sam feel the way he had his whole life when it came to his Dad and Dean and hunting. 

Sam wasn’t sure when it happened, but after years and years of battle and never having a break from it, something clicked along the way. He found himself in an almost autopilot state of being where he was stabbing and killing and running a few steps and turning to make sure Beth was still with him, and when she was, he kept going and turned to kill whatever was in his path, but when she wasn’t, he went back to help her. It was almost second nature by this point.

That might be why when they headed into a tunnel that Gabriel had directed them towards, the sudden quiet was a bit overbearing to his senses. It was almost as overbearing as the oppressive pitch black they were heading into. Sam turned to look and see if anything was following them. Beth was already standing in the entryway to make sure of the same thing. She had to kill a couple of demons that ventured into the tunnel after them, but for the most part none of them wanted to follow and went back to fighting with each other. When Beth was sure they were in the clear, she turned, and Sam waited for her to catch up before he whispered, “Do I want to know why they aren’t following us?” 

She looked towards the pitch black and answered, “No, I don’t think I want to know either if Dad and Cas aren’t lighting this place up, so we can see. Stay away from the walls, and use your angel blade as a walking stick to make sure you do . . . we need to catch up, so we can listen to their footprints and see which way to go, but still keep away from the sides.” Okay. That didn’t freak him out all.

They caught up to Cas and Gabriel fairly quickly, so Sam assumed they’d been waiting for them. Cas and Gabriel didn’t say anything, but Sam could tell that’s who it was. There was something about the vibe or energy or something that they gave off that he’d subconsciously gotten accustomed to while they’d been here. It was more of a physical state of being or the feeling of power they held compared to everything else in Hell than it was that Cas and Gabriel were good and everything else felt evil, but that’s the way his mind had decided to decipher it, because it made sense to think of them as good even if most angels were supposed to be dicks. 

The fact that they weren’t saying anything was a good enough reason for Sam not to say anything either. Wherever they were felt cool compared to everywhere else they’d been, but at the same time, there was a greater sense of foreboding. He’d wait to get out of Hell before he found out why. He didn’t want to know if they had to come back this way to get out of here. Whatever kind of exit they made after they got Dean would have to be a hasty one, and Sam didn’t want anything hanging him up and making them take longer to get Dean out of here. Finding out what was in this cave might do that, so he didn’t need to know right now. It was maybe the first time in his life that he could remember feeling that way.

When they got out of the cave, it was only to go into some kind of a darkened circular room with a bunch of other tunnels heading off from it. How were they supposed to know which one to use when they left? Gabriel pointed at Cas in response to Sam’s thoughts. _Follow Cas. Right. But what if something happens, and we can’t follow Cas?_

Gabriel rolled his eyes and pointed above the entrance to the tunnel they’d just exited. There was some kind of writing over it, but Sam didn’t know what it said. It didn’t look any different from any of the writing over any of the other tunnels. Gabriel pointed at Beth, and she was looking up at the engravings . . . almost like she was in a museum. _She can read it?_ Gabriel nodded, and okay that was another one of those new things about her that Sam didn’t know. 

Gabriel took the lead and headed into one of the tunnels about a quarter of the way around the circular room. It was just as dark as the other tunnel had been, but the closer they got to the end, the more they heard moans and screams that pierced the silence. Sam wondered if they were going into another demon rave, but the screams were more isolated than the cacophony of sounds at the other end of the tunnel they’d already been through. After what felt like years of silence, it was a jolt to the system hearing screams again, and Sam wasn’t really looking forward to what they encountered at the end . . . an end that never really seemed to come, because they just kept going and going and everything was black and it felt like there was never going to be an end in sight.


	67. I Won't Let You Become Something You Don't Want and Were Never Supposed To Be

I got used to plodding along, one foot in front of the other, while trying to stay directly behind Sam, whom I assumed was directly behind Cas if Dad was in the lead. I wished that my angel blade glowed like Sting in _The Hobbit,_ but in the presence of demons instead of goblins, so I could have a little light, but not too much. _I wonder if Sam and I will eventually turn into the mole people from _The Descent_ if we stay down here much longer . . . Nah, that’d take generations to happen . . . True, but it can’t be good for our eyesight or our minds._ On the way back, we’d have to let our eyes adjust to the bright orange and fiery red that’d permeated everything before we got into these tunnels. We wouldn’t just be able to charge back into the utter chaos out there. 

I may have been thinking those things, but my guard wasn’t down. I could ponder them and still be ready for a sneak attack from behind. That’s what my job was . . . to watch the back of the line, and it felt like any second a coiled snake or demonic, soul-sucking, wraith, or a bat-faced harpy, could take me without anyone knowing. I wondered what I’d do if that happened. If I got pulled too far away and taken down a side tunnel, I wouldn’t be able to see, so I’d have to find another way back to the group and make sure I didn’t turn down the wrong way. I could try, but it’d be hard to do unless Cas or Dad came back for me, and it’d take more time away from us getting to Dean. It was taking too long already. He was dead. I already knew that. I could feel it when it happened.

I think Dad must’ve blocked me from it happening to me too. I’d stumbled and started to drop to my knees, and then I wasn’t anymore . . . Either he knew what was happening and blocked me from it, or I found a way around that soul mate thing of me dying when Dean did . . . or getting stuck in my soul, something I still hadn’t figured out. I mean why did that happen in that other life and not this one? Why did none of the things with our connection happen in this life? Maybe they were starting to manifest themselves now, or Dean wouldn’t have found me in Cold Oak, but why didn’t he get hurt when I did? Why didn’t I siphon off things, like djinn venom for him? It was a conundrum. 

Did we make it happen, because we knew about it from my first day there? Well, Dean knew about it, and I didn’t, and it started happening to him before it happened to me. He believed in it a long time before I did. Not long after he told me that he could feel my injuries, I was able to interfere with the Horseman of Famine. Did we make it happen? We already thought we were the ones who inadvertently chose what things we did to protect the other, so that lined up with us making it happen. Would our connection kick back in now, because I knew about it? I wasn’t going to tell Dean about our connection, because I wanted to run an experiment on us. If nothing happened to him, and I started taking things for him, like monster venom, than I could say that we made it happen in some way. If Dean started getting cut every time I did without me telling him, maybe it was some kind of either a . . . I don’t know. A deeper connection because he finally knew what it was like to be tortured, or maybe because it filtered through me to him? I guess we’d find out. 

Anyway, if Dad had nothing to do with me not dying when Dean did, then it seemed like my will to find Dean, and get him as far away from Alistair as I could, was stronger than my will to go into my soul or die. The atrocities he must be facing at Alistair’s hands kept me putting one foot in front of the other and had since probably not long after we got to Hell . . . not long after Minos anyway. That’s when I felt Dean die . . . roughly a month and a half ago in Earth-time based on my calculations. 

My motivation for living might be finding Dean, but what about my plans after that? What I was going to do to the angels for putting Dean back in this position . . . Oh, I had big plans. Even though Dean had signed up to do this tour of his life again, there was no way Dean of any age would ever sign up for it if he thought there was even a possibility that something like this would happen again. I don’t think God thought it would come to this either. Angels weren’t supposed to get involved to this extent. If anything, Dean being in Hell should’ve been because of a great sacrifice he made for someone else, but no . . . one word from Azazel that the Righteous Man wasn’t going to Hell, and the angels threw him there anyway.

I spent a lot of time trying to go over it in my head . . . how it’d gone this badly wrong, and I think in all honesty, it was because of me. Maybe Azazel hadn’t known Dean was the righteous man until he met me and put two and two together if he knew a couple of those prophecies, or maybe it was because of something he’d overheard me say when we were in Cold Oak. Either way Azazel had figured it out because of me. When he put the call in to get back up from the angels, it hadn’t been because of me being the North Star or Gabriel being my Dad, but strictly because the Righteous Man was about to slip through his fingers. His mission went from: Find a psychic to lead my army and have him or her open the Devil’s Gate in Wyoming; to: Fuck the demon army if that’s what has to be done to get the ball rolling on this seal breaking business. The Righteous Man won’t sell his soul now, but I know another way to send him to Hell.

And what did the angels do? They obliged him. Uriel had, like the prick he was, hurled Dean to Hell anyway, and a full year before that was supposed to happen. That dickhead angel was first on my list, but he wasn’t the only one. Every single one going all the way to the top was on my list. My new self-appointed mission was fueled by vengeance, and it wasn’t something I was typically accustomed to feeling. Justice, sure . . . vengeance, not so much. Maybe I’d feel different after I got Dean back, but at the moment, that’s not exactly where my head was going.

It was going places that were as dark and twisty as this cave and violent . . . a kind of violence I only got a small taste of while we were battling our way through Hell’s party cavern to get to these tunnels. I kept trying to find ways to justify obliterating the chain of command in Heaven . . . that Dean hadn’t done anything wrong, and he’d still been sent here, or they interfered, and they weren’t supposed to interfere to that extent, or other things like that. But I knew what was underneath it all my feelings were fueling my arguments, and that made them wrong. 

This need I now had to get even with the angels wouldn’t lead anywhere good. It would destroy a core part of my essence if I stopped seeking justice and started going for vengeance. It’d nullify everything I’d done to seek justice in my last life. It’d make the executions I carried out go from being something that was just and necessary to something else entirely, so I’d end up with dark marks on my soul for those acts. 

Thinking about that didn’t stop me from feeling wrathful, but it certainly gave me pause for consideration . . . It was my second crisis of conscience. The first one I’d had right after the wendigo farm incident. This was an entirely new one that would negate that one if I followed the wrong path. I needed the time to work it out and overcome it, which is why the solitude and pitch black is probably exactly what I needed for contemplation, but it’s also something I couldn’t really overcome until I saw Dean again.

What felt like half a generation later, we finally came to the end of the tunnel and entered . . . I guess you could call it a hall of never ending horrors and pure misery. Look into the doorway to your right, and you see some demons ripping a guy’s heart out of his chest. Look into the doorway to your left, and you see other demons using hot pokers to . . . I pushed Sam along, so he didn’t linger there. These demons and these souls were not our mission. 

I eventually decided to bypass the other three and walked with purpose towards where I thought Dean was. I wasn’t entirely sure if we were too late to stop him from breaking even though we were getting there well inside the 30 years he’d held out the last time. He had a lot heavier burden to bear this time around than he’d had then. Even if he couldn’t remember it, he could feel the weight of it. It’d either make him stronger, or he’d give in easier. I wish I could say for sure I knew which one it was. 

We got towards the middle of the hallway, and by then I was running and looked back to let Cas know I wanted him to keep Sam away from Dean’s cell. Sam didn’t necessarily like it all that much when Cas turned to block his way, but I didn’t particularly care. Whatever state Dean was in here, he wouldn’t want Sam to see him like that . . . He may not want me to see him like that either, but he’d get over me seeing him like that . . . maybe not in this life, but he would when he remembered our old life. I got over him seeing me like that in the last life, so he would too.

_End of the hall, take a right, then go for forever, and take a left._ That hall was pretty dark, but I could still see all the way to the end of it. I stopped dead in my tracks. The cell at the opposite end, staring me in the face was the one I wanted. Dad came up behind my shoulder and said, “I’ll be right outside. Call me if you need me.” 

Yeah, I’d be calling him no matter what. Even if I could handle Alistair on my own, which I seriously doubted, I’d be calling him to help me with Dean. _Okay, go with the rip the Band-aid off approach, I guess._ My rip the Band-aid off approach came out more like me plodding along, putting one foot in front of the other, until I eventually made it to the door. I hesitated again. _Not quite sure how to get the door open. It’s not exactly like it has a door handle. I guess I could kick it down, but –_

“You’re stalling. He needs you. And, uh, if there’s not enough time after this . . . whatever decision you make after you get him out . . . take your time and figure it out. Don’t rush into anything.” 

I nodded at my Dad’s words of advice before I took a deep breath. “Yeah, all right . . . Thanks for everything Dad. I meant it, you know . . . You make me try to be better than I am, so I don’t let you down . . . I won’t let you down after this either.” I glanced at him and tilted my head towards the door before I added, “Would you mind getting the door?” 

There are times when blowing the door in is the right approach, and times like now when a more subtle approach is required, so he just put his hand on the door, and it clicked open. As soon as it opened, I heard the screams coming from inside it. Taking a sharp breath to calm myself down, I forced myself to go inside. 

Once there, I silently shut the door behind me and moved to a shadowy corner to my right. The room was bigger than I’d thought it’d be . . . It was more like two rooms with a large arch that entered into a smaller room at the back. I couldn’t see who was on the rack from this angle because I was hiding behind the partial-partition between the rooms, and I still didn’t know if Dean was on the rack or if someone he was working over was. I actually felt myself break out into something of a cold sweat, and I’d never had that happen. I wanted to stay in that corner and not look. Either situation wasn’t really something I wanted to see. 

There were two things that got me moving. One was the outline of a demon beside me. It was totally preoccupied with peeking around the corner of the archway and so excited by what it was seeing that it hadn’t noticed what must look like a shiny orb walk into the room. It put my feet into a silent, forward motion, and before it even knew I was there, I’d jammed my angel blade through its center. The demon flickered and died, and I still didn’t want to look and see who was on the rack, but from this angle of the archway, I could Dean’s dead body on the floor to the left in the other room. It’d been desecrated beyond belief . . . there wasn’t a whole lot left of it to be honest. That’s the second thing that got me going. It gave me that little shove I needed to shut everything I was feeling down before it could overwhelm me. 

There was me shutting down my emotions intentionally, like when I was in the middle of a fight with a Changeling, and then there were times like this, where it happened without me realizing it. All I was really aware of in moments like that were things like time slowing down and knowing what to do. In this case, the first thing I had to do was see whether or not it was Alistair or Dean I was dealing with in the other room. I could take it from there once I knew that. 

Silently slipping to the other side of the archway to get a better view, I finally looked. It turns out it wasn’t just a party of two or three. There were a few other demons standing around getting their kicks off of what was happening too. Wiping those demons out of existence without them getting a chance to process what was happening was my first item on the agenda. It didn’t take much time at all. Then it was onto Alistair. 

I guess if demons were powerful enough, they could use their powers down here, because Alistair used his telekinesis to fling me across the room. I didn’t particularly care what he was saying, but either something he’d said or something I’d done had let Dean know I was here, because I could hear Dean calling for me. I think he was begging Alistair to leave me alone. The rack was facing the other side of the room, and I couldn’t see him. It was hard to understand him. I guess Alistair must have a PhD in understanding torture victims, because from the glimpse I got just before I hit the wall, Alistair looked pretty fucking happy with what Dean was saying. 

_Shift the direction you’re flying, so at point of impact, you can keep most of that energy and use it to roll down the wall instead of giving all of your energy to the wall and landing in a heap on the ground . . . translation, roll with it._ I hit the wall at the right angle and used it to roll straight back to Alistair. As soon as I was within range, I got stuck in on cutting him down to my size . . . literally. 

An angel blade can kill demons, but it can also do serious permanent damage without ever killing them . . . I’d been cut enough by these kinds of blades to know the injuries they give you burn unless the cuts are healed, and I know it feels worse to things like angels and demons, but I also knew as my angel blade cut off Alistair’s foot at the ankle and twirled in the back swing to cut through the sinews and bone surrounding the knee on his other leg that Alistair would never let me or anyone else know that it hurt in the slightest. He mostly laughed and kicked me away with the bloody stump that used to be his foot. I went flying, but didn’t make it to the wall this time, and that probably worked to his advantage better than mine, because I landed on my back. He teleported over to me and picked me up by the throat with one hand.

This particular position I found myself in reminded me a lot of what happened with Adriel in my cell, except Alistair repeatedly bashed my head into the nearest wall. My tactics now were the same as they had been then. All I had to do was hold onto my angel blade and wait for my moment. 

I could taste blood in my mouth when he stopped to see how much more he had to do to knock me out, and I used that moment to jam my blade into Alistair’s side. He didn’t die, and I didn’t want him to die. I wanted him to do what he did, which was laugh at my futile attempt to strike out at him and slam me into the wall again, because when he did that, he took a step closer and wrapped his other hand around my throat. His horrid, bloody face with singed off hair got face really close to mine and was either going to say something shitty or bite me. I wasn’t sure. I was focused on my actions, not on what his disembodied self looked like. 

Rapidly withdrawing the blade from his side, I then jammed it up under his left armpit and pushed it out the back. It happened so fast, that he didn’t realize at first that he was now only holding me up by one hand again, because his other arm was only hanging on by a thread. In the blink of an eye, I then slammed the blade back in the hole in his side, pulled right to left, and used my left hand to pull the blade all the way across, out, and then up through the armpit of his other arm and out the back . . . no more arms and legs . . . for the most part . . . kind of crudely done . . . but I’d make sure it was better before I was done. 

Alistair dropped me because he didn’t have the arms to pin me to the wall anymore, but he still had his powers, so before I hit the ground, I started plummeting up towards the ceiling. “Dad!” 

No doubt about it. If my Dad hadn’t stepped in at that point, I probably would’ve broken my neck. Instead, I stopped a few inches shy of the ceiling and heard my Dad say, “Are you done playing?” Alistair laughed, until Dad said, “I wasn’t talking to you.” 

Looking from the ceiling down to Alistair, I saw that whatever he’d thought was funny about what my Dad said before that, he didn’t think was all that funny now. I couldn’t exactly get down from my position at first, because there was something of a power struggle between the two of them for control over me, but it didn’t last very long. No matter how strong Alistair was, he’d never be able to top an archangel. “You’re not supposed to –“ 

My Dad cut Alistair off. “Funny, I thought we weren’t supposed to be hands on either, but I can see that my brothers gave Dean to you, so . . . here we are.” 

Dad held Alistair in place, while I got up off the ground, and when he got a good look at me he shook his head. I guess my head felt pretty lumpy, and I had a splitting headache, and my eyesight was really blurry. “How are you supposed to get Dean home if you look like that?” 

_I hadn’t thought about that._

“No, you clearly didn’t . . . just look at you. Well, are you going to finish this or polish up this Puriel thing you’ve got going on, because –“ 

Alistair laughed. “Puriel? I –“ 

Dad silenced him with a look and said, “Not you. Her. As far as I can tell, she was planning on trimming you up a little nicer and tying you to the rack. She’s most of the way there, but then I’m guessing for it to be really effective, she would’ve had to ask me if I could bind your powers, so you couldn’t get out of something like that . . . I just want to know what she wants to do. We’re on a bit of a schedule.” 

_Thanks for thinking of the binding his powers thing, Dad . . . wasn’t sure how to get around that._

I went over to Dean, and . . . his intestines were hanging out of him. His ribs were cracked open, so I could see his heart, and it looked like his eyes, nose, and tongue had been removed. That instinctual shutting down of my emotions that’d been overridden as soon as my Dad got involved kicked back in at that point. I could’ve given Dean a choice on what he wanted done with Alistair, but if I did that, would that have meant that I was acting as Dean’s weapon and helping him shed blood in Hell? I couldn’t let what he just went through not to break that first seal be for nothing, so I didn’t ask. 

He was almost as solid as I was . . . he was a soul in Hell, and we were in Hell, so his physical form was playing by the rules of that. Can’t torture something that isn’t solid-ish. The torture implements would just go right through you, like you were a ghost. I wasn’t sure if I should touch him much . . . maybe it’d freak him out after what he’d suffered. I unbuckled him as carefully as I could to keep my contact with him to a minimum. After that I wasn’t entirely sure how to get him off the slab without my Dad’s help. I had to touch him to see if I could transport him off the rack . . . okay, so he felt totally solid down here. I guess that made sense. Alistair had too and so had the demons we'd fought getting here. Dean being in pieces wasn’t going to be a problem for much longer, so I just kind of helped him onto the floor as gently as I could, while my Dad put Alistair on the rack. 

As soon as Dean was down, I started handing pieces of him back to him. When he had most of them, I said, “You’ll heal . . . as long as you have some time to do it, you’ll heal . . . focus on doing that until I’m done.” He nodded, and I went to leave, but he grabbed for my hand. He couldn’t see, so he missed, and I had to give it to him. I didn’t really understand what he was trying to say, but I knew what he was feeling. When he was done, he gave my hand a little squeeze, so I said, “I’ll still be in the room. I just have some work to do before we go, and after that, I’m not leaving your side for a very long time . . . forever if I have my way.” He relaxed a little and nodded before letting my hand go, and then I guess it was time for me to get to work. I just had to do one additional thing to make sure Alistair’s punishment was as severe as it needed to be.


	68. Self Reflection Is A Different Kind of Torture

Whatever Beth was doing, it didn’t really bother Alistair. Dean could tell that much from the bored voice, but it didn’t really seem to bother her either, because she didn’t say a word to the demon the whole time. When she was done, she still didn’t say anything. It was almost like she thought Alistair wasn’t worth the time and effort of a response. And then Dean felt himself being pulled out of the room by her, while her Dad did whatever he was going to do to Alistair, and that might’ve bothered Alistair a little more . . . something about Gabriel not having the right to take something from him because he’d earned it. 

After that, Dean focused on Beth. She was muttering to herself about not wanting to hurt him, but having to be fast about this and not being able to have it both ways. Dean didn’t know what she was talking about . . . She could hurt him as much as she wanted if she got him the hell out of Hell. After she’d drug him where she wanted, Beth said something about going back in to get his body. That was a lost cause. 

Dean hadn’t known what the hell was happening when he got here. One second, he’d been in the rain and the next he’d been somewhere else. He’d snuck around for a while, trying to figure out where he was. At one point, he’d been drawn towards some screams and pulled a door open to intervene. Behind him, he’d heard that voice . . . a voice he’d never heard, but one that sent an icy chill through him, and he was dead before he even turned around to face it. 

They’d done things to his body in front of him to try and get to him, but really, he’d just been kind of glad at the time that he hadn’t been in his body. It hadn’t bothered him the way they’d wanted so that’s when they got stuck in on doing those things to him . . . He wasn’t entirely sure what he looked like at the moment. Wasn’t exactly thrilled to be laid out on the ground with his guts hanging out or junkless or . . . he reached up and ran his fingers along his chest and the realization that his ribs were broken and standing at right angles to the way they were supposed to be brought on a sudden surge of fear. 

Further exploration let him know that his beating heart was exposed, and he quickly took his hand away . . . He felt helpless. Not just in his head . . . he actually felt helpless. There was no way he’d be able to sit up, let alone stand or walk. He decided to brave inspecting himself a little more, and allowed his shaking hands to tentatively feel up along his face . . . yeah, that was all gone too. Least he still had his skin, or he thought he did. If Beth was really here, she came on a good day, but Dean really wished she wasn’t here. He didn’t want her to see him like this.

He heard Beth’s voice again while she drug something next to him, and then he heard her ask her Dad if he could seal it up, so nobody could ever get inside. Dean felt a burst of external heat flash across his skin, and then he heard Beth tell him that her Dad was going to make things right. Dean heard her Dad give her some advice. Then she told her Dad that it’d just be another day and a half or so before she saw him again, and she wouldn’t do anything stupid. Whatever it was she’d been thinking of doing, she’d gotten out of her system or that’s what she said anyway. Then she said that she wanted her Dad to take care of their daughter before she promised her Dad again that she’d be okay. Dean heard her Dad sigh and say, “We should get this show on the road. Go stand at the end of the hall. Don’t come back until the light dies down.” 

Dean was distracted from listening to Beth’s footsteps moving away from them when Gabriel said, “I’m going to do something, I don’t do often, Dean.” There was a pause, and then he heard her Dad’s voice a lot closer, like it was just a foot above him. “I’m going to apologize . . . after this game of Dad’s started, it was my responsibility to look out for you as much as it was my responsibility to look after my daughter, but I dropped the ball. And I’m willing to admit that I was wrong . . . Way back when we met, I told to come back when you were older and knew how to care of her . . . You never needed to come back later. You exceeded my expectations right out of the gate, but then I guess that’s what you do. You’ve never let me down anyway. Keep taking care of her, and make sure you let her take care of you the way you have been. I think you’re both going to need it when this is all said and done.” 

Kind of felt like this thing that’d been hanging over him since he was a kid had been lifted. That approval was something Dean had been looking for from Gabriel for a long time . . . a long time before he ever knew what Gabriel was. Dean wasn’t sure what to do with it now that he’d gotten it. He didn’t know what Gabriel thought he was doing right with Beth or really feel like he was in a position right now to keep doing it, but he didn’t get to say that or anything else, because as soon as her Dad was done talking, Dean felt a massive surge of energy in the air around him and hot everywhere and almost like he was going to explode. Briefly, he felt like he was nothing and everything all at once, and then it stopped almost as suddenly as it’d started. 

Now that whatever it was that had made him feel that way had disappeared, Dean found that he could see, and he couldn’t quite process what that meant. Mostly he just felt around his face, so his hands could tell him that he’d really gotten his eyes back. Everything on his face felt like it was in place, and the ceiling above him looked different than the one that he usually saw at the start of each day. That didn’t mean Alistair hadn’t moved him somewhere else to start over again . . . But Alsitair hadn’t asked him to get off the rack and pick up the blade yet. _Wait, I told him I’d do whatever he wanted as long as he left Beth alone. Is it over?_ Dean didn’t want it to be over. Something told him he couldn’t crack. He couldn’t give into it. 

Dean blinked a couple of times, and he could still see, so he tried out using his tongue to see if he could talk and croaked out, “Put me back on the rack . . . I won’t do it. I won’t pick up that blade. Put me back.” 

Then somebody knelt next to him, and Dean was looking up at probably the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen . . . She was bloody, and her hair was a mess, but he found himself shooting up from his place on the floor, so he could throw his arms around her and hold onto her if she was really real. It felt like she was. This could just be another round of torture. He’d had a few of those, where he’d thought he’d gotten away, but he really hadn’t. She might turn into a demon at any second, but in that moment, holding her or even something that looked like her gave him the strength he needed for whatever came next, because he wasn’t gonna give Alistair what the demon wanted. 

She ran her hand along the hair at the back of his head to comfort him. It was the first good touch he’d felt in way too long, and he didn’t want this to be a hallucination or for her to turn into a demon. He wanted to stay like this forever, but then she said, “Come on. We’ve got to go. You can work out what’s real and what’s not on the way home. I think it’s going to take some time to get back . . . It took us a little over 15 Hell years to get here. You did an amazing job, Dean . . . Round 2 with Alistair, and you didn’t give in . . . You’re a lot stronger than you think.” 

Dean couldn’t motivate himself to let her go or get up or stop the tears that were clouding his vision. “15 Hell years? Is that . . . Sam? Is he –“

“That’s a month and a half in Earth years. Sam’s okay . . . He’s here. So is Cas.” If this rescue was real, then he’d made it. He hadn’t been broken. He knew she’d said if he shed blood in Hell, it’d start the Apocalypse. He might know that, but he felt how important that was even more . . . It felt like he’d gotten something right that he hadn’t the last time. “Uh, about that . . . We’re going to have to fight our way out. Your body came here with you, so this is where you were resurrected, and even if it hadn’t worked out this way, Cas isn’t as strong as he was the last time, so he can’t just send you topside, which means . . . no waking up in a pine box. That’s good, but you can’t kill anything or even hurt anything enough to draw blood while you’re here . . . just leave the fighting to the three of us.” 

Yeah, he’d have to see about that. Right now, he still couldn’t let her go . . . Wait. “Sam’s here?” 

She exhaled a laugh before she pulled back to look at him. “I was wondering when that would sink in . . . Yeah, he’s a couple of halls away from here. Cas is keeping an eye on him.” 

Dean used her for support to stand before looking back at the door behind them. “What about him?” 

Beth grabbed his hand to pull him away from the door and answered, “Dad sealed the door, so Alistair’s never getting back out, and that was after he took Alistair’s ability to teleport or use telekinesis with the spell he put on those straps tying him down. Now Alistair has to look at his arms and legs resting against the wall next to the rack, just out of arms reach . . . I might’ve gutted him too, so he has to look at that for forever and cant do anything about it . . . probably won’t bother him at first, but give it time. It will. He can handle physical pain, so this is more psychological than anything else. It just needs to sink in for him that this is it. This is all he’ll ever be now.” 

Alistair being rendered completely powerless and having it proven to him every time he saw his arms and legs without being able to reach them . . . that might actually get to Alistair eventually. It was ruthless. It meant playing the long game, but never seeing how it turned out and having faith that it would some day. When it did, nobody would care, because nobody would remember Alistair or hear him scream or go mad . . . Alistair was essentially locked in his own private Hell inside of Hell. “Remind me not to piss you off.” 

One of her eyebrows arched in response as she said, “I stole the idea from somebody else. Can’t take all the credit.” 

Dean glanced back at the door again. “You’re Dad?” She just shook her head and kept on walking. “Was it that Puriel guy your Dad was talking about in there?” 

Beth glanced at him before she focused her attention on the end of the hall and said, “Yeah, he’s one of the angels they call in to deal with bad angels, like Azazel, so they know how to punish things that are seemingly all-powerful.” 

Dean let her drag him along while he looked back at the door again and asked, “What about your Dad? Where’d he go?” 

“He wasn’t supposed to use his power to heal us. He brought back, so God sent him back to our other life . . . We have to get out of here on our own.” 

That drew his attention away from the door. “Here as in Hell?” Beth nodded, and he quickly said, “You expect me not to kill anything while we’re here? What about you? He said you were hurt.” It was hard to tell how much of the blood she was wearing was hers. 

Beth picked up the pace until they were both running before she said, “He gave me a few bottles of that watermelon stuff. I already downed one while he was bringing you back to life, so I feel a lot better already, and you can’t shed any blood here unless you want to open the first lock on Lucifer’s cage.” Fuck. He didn’t want to be some useless guy they were trying to protect while they fought their way out of Hell for . . . What was it she said? 15 years? _What the hell am I supposed to do? Why are we running? Jail break . . . right._

Dean guessed that even Alistair must have someone he had to answer to above him, someone that wanted updates on how he was doing on cracking Dean Winchester if that’s what it took to start opening Lucifer’s cage. Probably what those demons that were always coming and going were doing. His family had to get out of Hell before anyone found out Alistair wasn’t coming out of that room again. It was going to be almost impossible to get out of Hell once whoever was in charge figured out that there’d been an escape. 

_Beth really shouldn’t have wasted Gabriel just to bring me back to life. She should’ve left me as a soul. Gabriel could’ve gotten us out of here, and then I could’ve gone and hung out in the veil or something. Wait . . ._ “How are you here? Are you dead?” 

They ran down another hallway, and she answered, “Nope . . . I had to get you away from Alistair. I had to do that more than I had to lay down and die because you were dead . . . or that’s what Dad said when we were dealing with Alistair.” 

Maybe . . . Dean was still about 50/50 on her really being here, and if she was, then what? Getting out of Hell was one thing, but staying out of Hell . . . that was going to be hard work . . . maybe . . . He guessed that if Raphael had been looking for Beth all this time and still hadn’t been able to find her, they could keep doing the same thing to make it hard for the angels to find him too. Gabriel did put those marks on their ribs to hide them from angels, and if they kept on the move . . . motel to motel and hunt to hunt or whatever, it might be possible, but then Beth seemed more like a hobby for Raphael. 

Finding the righteous man was going to be Heaven and Hell’s top priority if the angels already bent the rules and threw him into Hell once alrady. How long did he have to stay on the run before they all got sent back to their old life? Had to be about a year . . . but then why did it take Beth 15 years to get here? She said something about it being a month and a half topside. His head was fucked . . . He was trying to wrap his head around time and understand what was happening and maybe still trying to believe that he was actually running with Beth, not just some hallucination or a demon masquerading as her.

All of those thoughts were momentarily suspended when they ran around a corner, and saw Sam pacing back and forth on the other side of Cas halfway down the hall. Cas was keeping an eye on the far end of the hall, but it also looked like he was keeping Sam there. There was a pile of bodies along the hall, so it looked like they’d been busy while they were waiting. 

When Sam saw Dean, he stopped mid-stride, and it looked like Sam wasn’t sure if he believed what he was seeing before he smiled and told Cas to turn around. Cas looked like crap . . . that’s the angel they were relying on to get them out of here? “He’s stronger than he looks. Think we all are,” Beth said after picking up on what Dean was feeling. 

“Think maybe we could not do the soul mate thing while we’re here? Might make it a little easier to . . . “ 

Dean let his sentence trail off at the end, so Beth said, “To know that I’m not a demon reading your mind? Yeah, okay. Let me know when you want it to start back up.” 

Hopefully that helped, but he wasn’t entirely sure that it would. He still couldn’t quite believe what was happening. Sam rushing up to him and giving him a big heartfelt hug and feeling solid and real might’ve helped some, but then what if Sam wasn’t real either? Dean guessed he’d have time to figure it out. It was a long road back from the sounds of things. He wondered what was between here and there. So far things seemed pretty tame. He hadn’t come across a demon since he left his cell . . . not a living one anyway.

At the end of the hall, there was a tunnel, and Sam stopped Dean from going first. Cas was first, then Sam, then Dean, and Beth went last. Sam told Dean to keep quiet and not make much noise until Sam gave the word. How long? And why? Be good to know what he was walking into here, but it didn’t look like he was going to get any answers on that one. 

At first, Sam telling Dean not to talk, made him want to talk, but then when nobody else said anything and were as silent as they could be with their footsteps, it made him think maybe it was a bad idea to make any noise. He wished that he knew why. He also wished he knew why Sam seemed to be the one in charge now. After a long enough time, it started to feel like this was all there’d ever been, a pitch-black tunnel. 

This tunnel was its own kind of Hell. It meant Dean had too much time on his hands and resorted to thinking about where he’d been all this time. That made him want to talk or make noise or scream to break free of those thoughts, or maybe to say or do something to be reminded that he wasn’t alone, because it felt like he was. But what if he said something, and he wasn’t alone, and he got one of the other three killed? 

At some point, he’d been in the dark so long that he forgot what it was like to see. Breaking out in a sweat, his heart rate spiked, and he felt like he was still on the rack . . . like his eyes were still cut out, and he was just waiting to feel the next thing happen, like his guts being ripped out of him. Stopping, he felt his stomach and chest to see if they were still intact. They were. He felt his face to see if he still had eyes. He did. He just couldn’t see. Why the fuck couldn’t he see? Was Alistair out there in the darkness waiting to make his move? If Beth was really behind him, Dean was glad she had enough sense to not touch him when he started having his melt down, because he didn’t want to attack her, and he wasn’t entirely sure that he wouldn’t. He just needed time to pull it together. He did . . . barely, but it seemed like every mile or so, he’d have to stop and go through the same ritual. 

The more times he felt the terror take over, the more Dean wished he could just hear somebody’s voice and use it to pull himself out of feeling like he was still on the rack. It didn’t help that he could still hear screams coming from somewhere in the distance behind him. Half the time he wasn’t sure if they were coming from him or someone else. Maybe it was him, and he’d just receded inside himself to get away from all the pain and suffering. In the off chance that it wasn’t him, and this was real, and he was getting the fuck out of here, he found ways to keep going, so they could get out of here before any demons noticed he was gone. But the problem was that the longer they were in this dark tunnel, the harder it got to keep going.

He did it. He didn’t know how he did, but he did, and the only reward he got for doing it was to eventually end up in a big round, dimly lit room. There were hundreds of entrances to more tunnels all around the circumference of the room, and they seemed to be the only way out. Beth pointed Sam towards the right tunnel, and Sam headed that way, like it was no big deal, but Dean stopped dead in his tracks. How long was this tunnel going to be? He couldn’t go through another round of that so soon. He wanted an explanation of what this was and how long they were going to be wandering around in the dark. Apparently, they weren’t even allowed to talk in this room, because Beth put her hand over his mouth to keep him from saying anything. Why the hell couldn’t they say anything? What the fuck was waiting in the dark for them? 

Beth waved Cas and Sam on and waited until they were out of sight before she put up her pointer finger and stuck it in front of Dean’s face. Smacking her hand away, he then grabbed her by the front of her shirt and body slammed her into the ground. He would’ve . . . yelled, shouted . . . something that would’ve made a lot of noise if it hadn’t been for the look of panic that came over her face the second she hit the ground. And then she closed her eyes, like she thought this was going to be it and had to be calm to face it. 

He’d never seen her look like that . . . ever. Not with monsters or Azazel. He broke out into another cold sweat and felt like this thing inside of him was threatening to break free . . . like he was going to lose it or break down and cry . . . What the fuck was wrong with him? Why the fuck did he just do that? He’d never struck out at her unless they were sparring, and they weren’t sparring now. 

He dropped to his hands and knees to see if she was okay, because she wasn’t moving a whole lot. Her eyes opened, and she reached up to cover his mouth with her hand, so he couldn’t ask her anything. Then she put her finger up in front of his face again. That’s when he got that she wanted him to look at her finger, so he could focus on something and calm down. It made him feel worse after what he just did. 

He wanted to ask her if she was okay, but she just shook her head to let him know not to talk . . . all she wanted him to do was focus on her finger and calm down. He could do that. Focusing on her finger, he steadied his breathing, and then she pointed between the two of them and took her finger away, so he’d know to look her in the eye. Seeing those blue-grey eyes peering back at him helped a lot until he figured out that she was having a hard-time breathing or maybe wasn’t breathing at all. He’d knocked the wind out of her. Shit . . . fuck. What if there was something seriously wrong, and he broke – 

She gently grabbed the front of his shirt to get his attention and then she pointed between the two of them again, so he’d just focus on her eyes, and it worked for a minute or two . . . but she still wasn’t breathing. How long was she supposed to go without being able to breathe? She got his attention again and let him know that she wanted him to keep taking deep breaths and stay calm, and then eventually her breathing kicked back in . . . As soon as he saw that she was taking the deep breaths right along with him, he nodded that he was good, but she stopped him from helping her up by pointing past his shoulder, so he’d look up behind him. When he did, he might’ve been the one to stop breathing. 

There were thousands of them sleeping on the ceiling. They were just hanging there upside down with big ears and big talons and big fucking wings. They were like bats twice the size of humans except they were pale and hairless, so they blended in with the pale color of the bricks in here. They looked like part of the ceiling unless you were looking right at them. 

_”They’re the harpy version of mole people . . . I was reading the signs above the tunnels and saw them the first time we came through here, but I didn’t tell Sam. He doesn’t need to know why we have to be quiet until we’re long gone. It’s why I wanted to show them to you without him around. Just had to get you to calm down first. I thought maybe they heard me hit the ground or that you’d do something to make them wake up. I’ve seen what normal harpies can do, and it isn’t pretty.”_

Dean helped her sit up and then get to her feet before he pointed to the tunnels to see if she knew if they were in there, and she shrugged and put her hand over her eyes, because she couldn’t see in there any better than he could. He guessed that made sense, but knowing those things might be in those tunnels sleeping above them didn’t make him feel all that much better. Neither did the idea that something worse might be in those tunnels. 

Dean suspected she did know what was in those tunnels and just didn’t want to tell him. Why else would there be writing above the tunnels? He doubted they were directions to Earth. They were probably warnings about what was in each tunnel. He waited for her to respond to what he was thinking, and then remembered he’d told her not to feel what he was feeling, so she didn’t know.

He found that he wanted to know what she was thinking though. Hearing her voice in his head just now helped after hearing nothing for way too long in that last tunnel. He wanted to know what she was thinking again, but he didn’t, which meant she was blocking him, because he’d said he didn’t want to do the soul mate thing right now. But he didn’t know what demons thought, so it should be okay. 

Dean pointed to her head to see if she’d get what he wanted her to do, and she relaxed a little. _‘Okay . . . I think a lot of rubbish though. You ready?’_ Taking a deep, silent breath and looked at the tunnel Sam had gone down, Dean nodded, so she let him lead the way, and followed up at the back. That’s usually the position he took . . . more things come at you from the back than they do from the front, but then he didn’t have a weapon. His angel blade and demon knife had gotten taken off of him as soon as he died, and he wasn’t supposed to kill anything anyway. 

Back into the darkness again . . . she did think a lot of crap. Mostly right now it was about mole people. Then she started thinking about other things that could be in these tunnels, and that didn’t help much . . . mostly because it made him want to laugh or freaked him out. Her and her fucking demonic spiders . . . wish she’d shut up about them. He wasn’t really a fan of normal spiders. He liked being able to take care of them for her, so he didn’t mind them then, but her thinking about demons spiders in webs above their head or their legs reaching down to grab them and either wrap them up in some kind of sulphur silk to eat at a later time, or drain them dry now . . . it was a bit much . . . so were the soul sucking wraiths and . . . now she was just making monsters up that sounded worse than the ones they hunted. Her imagination was making his go off the deep end. Stopping abruptly, Dean turned to make her stop thinking about that shit, and she stopped before running into him, which he wasn’t expecting. She’d gotten used to being in the dark . . . that was kind of reassuring, since she was supposed to be watching their backs. 

He heard her think, _‘Everything all right?’_ Made things a whole lot easier when she knew what he was feeling. He’d have to fix that after they got out of this damn cave. His only response was to reach roughly where he thought she was standing until he found her and figured out from that where her free hand was, so he could grab it and start walking again. He didn’t want her in the back on her own anymore, and he wasn’t letting go of her hand in case something did grab her. 

Hearing her bitch in her head about how she should have both hands free and then her moving on to think about other stuff made this a whole lot easier than the last tunnel. It felt like he was getting to know the new her a whole lot better. He wasn’t sure if it was cheating to have a crush on this Beth, but he had one, and he’d had it for a while . . . at least since she started training with Cas, and what she did with those angels before he got sent here . . . that’d been so hot . . . Dean liked her a lot . . . She was a lot better equipped to be walking through a tunnel in Hell than the other Beth would’ve been . . . not that the other Beth couldn’t have handled it, but the last couple of years that she’d thought were really bad didn’t really register as all that bad to this Beth, or that’s the impression he got. This Beth was . . . different and the same, and he couldn’t figure out what it was about this Beth that made her different, but it was a kind of different he really liked, and it made him feel guilty, because he felt like he was doing something wrong by liking her. 

She thought a lot about the kids in their camp. She knew them all by name, and it sounded like she was using this time to go over lesson plans . . . and she was thinking about something called Leviathan and what she had to do to set up this place in Colorado . . . sounded really science-y. Kind of wished that this Beth could’ve gone toe to toe with Cheryl, because this Beth sounded like she knew her shit, not that the other Beth hadn’t, but this Beth knew even more about that kind of stuff. She thought about the Roadhouse some, and maybe that’s why he’d thought that thing about Cheryl. It sounded like Ellen and Jo had made it out in their old life, but Ash hadn’t. That sucked. Dean hadn’t been sure of Ash at first, but he liked him now. He wondered how Cheryl was if she hadn’t been there in their old life. Maybe she got out somehow. 

The closer they got to the end, the more Beth shifted gears and went from thinking about normal things to anything and everything she’d ever done hunting in their old life . . . almost like she was psyching herself up for what was at the end of this tunnel by reminding herself of what she had to do and what she’d done in the past. Didn’t make this next part seem like it was going to be easy anyway.


	69. Knock-down Drag-out

Sam and Cas waited for Dean and Beth at the mouth of the cave, but remained in the shadows, so they were hidden from the melee out there. Nothing was waiting for them or had any notion of waiting for them, so that was good, but Sam wasn’t so sure about bringing Dean through here. It wasn’t just because of whatever had happened to Dean while he was here. It was the idea that his brother was going to have to stand back and let everybody else fight for him. He didn’t think Dean would be able to hold back. That was asking the impossible of him. Of course Sam never thought he’d be standing in Hell or that they’d get as far as they had, so the impossible seemed like it was becoming the possible these days.

When Dean got there, he took one look at what was happening outside the cave and said, “Fuck . . . Was it like this for you guys on the way here, or do they know I’m out?“ 

Looked the same to Sam. The only way they’d know if it was worse was if it was like this all the way back to that door instead of only being like this half of the way there. Dean didn’t need to know that though. “Looks the same to me.” 

Before Dean could say whatever it was he was going to say in response to that, Beth looked up at Dean, and said, “Sam’s going to lead the way. Cas and I are going to stay on either side of you, so you don’t have any reason to fight. Stay in the shadows of the cliff on our left, but stay away from the cliff. It has hands that reach out to grab you, and Cas might be able to break you free of them, but he’s got to worry about the demons, and to be honest, even my Dad had a hard time getting Sam out of the cliff hands the times he got too close.” Yeah, feeling like you were about to be crushed or pulled into the rock and become part of it . . . good times. Almost as good as feeling like you were being crushed by the oppressive silence and darkness in those caves. 

Dean started arguing that Cas should go first instead of Sam, so Sam intervened. “You can’t do anything, Dean. If you do, we’re going to have a whole new set of problems when we get out. I know not being able to fight is going to be almost impossible for you, but the best way of keeping you from having to do that is to have Cas near you, so he can bear the brunt of the attacks. He’s a lot better now than he was when we came through here the first time. At least now he can walk on his own. Gabriel had to carry him the last time.” 

Looking back at Beth, Sam said, “Speaking of Gabriel, should we wait for him here?” Cas had said something about Gabriel needing to stay behind to finish up a few things. They could really use him now though. 

Beth looked back into the tunnel and answered, “Nope . . . He told us not to wait around for him. He’s the one that told me to have you go first. I think he really appreciates how much you grew as a fighter the last time we came this way. He thinks you can handle it.” 

Really? That meant a lot. Sam had tried to be better. It sounded like all his hard work had paid off. Looking back out into the mass of demons, he still wasn’t quite sure that he could do this. Maybe they should wait for Gabriel. Beth stepped around Dean, who was giving her a weird look, and got Sam’s attention, so she could give him a pep talk. “You’ve got this. You wouldn’t be standing here if you didn’t. Just remember that you have one goal, and that is to get to that door . . . don’t let anything keep you from it, and if you get taken off course, just put everything you have into getting back to it . . . Never stop moving. You can wait here to rest for a few minutes if you think you need it, but we shouldn’t take too long in case we have something hot on our trail.”

_Hot on our trail?_ That reminded Sam of something else. “What about whatever that thing was that was following us on the way here? You think it’ll be waiting for us on the way back?” 

Beth and Cas shared a look, like they’d forgotten about that too, and Beth answered, “Just keep your hellhound glasses on and keep pushing forward with Dean no matter what. Cas and I will take care of it if it becomes a problem. Wait for us by that moat of lava near Minos. You’ll need Cas to fly you over it. Find a place to hide, and we’ll catch up.” 

Yeah, he could do that, but . . . “I know you know what it is. What is it?” 

Beth gave him a smile that actually seemed to cheer him up a little in a place like this, and then she said, “If we see it, you’ll know as soon as you do. Let’s hope you have to wait until we’re out of here before you find out.” Somewhat annoying, because he liked having answers, but it intrigued him at the same time. Instead of him being afraid of the unknown, now there was a part of him that wanted to see what it was. 

Looking at her jacket, Sam asked, “How do you think that stuff your Dad gave us does for fatigue, because . . . I don’t know. It was hard enough fighting through all of this the last time, and other than waiting for you to get Dean, there really hasn’t been any downtime. If you could even call that downtime, because we had to be on high alert.” 

Beth pulled a bottle out of one of her inside pockets and gave it to him before she handed another one to Dean. “Guess we’ll find out . . . let’s hope we don’t have to stop for bathroom breaks.” 

Right. Sam hadn’t thought of that. “Wait, you had two whole bottles, and you were fine in the tunnels, right?” She nodded slowly in response, and he momentarily wondered if she’d had to stop somewhere along the way, because she shouldn’t have been able to hold it that long, and nobody would’ve known with as dark as those caves were. “You were supposed to be watching our back. Did you –“ 

Dean laughed and said,”Come on, man. Are we really talking about this? She’s messing with you. It’s not like our bodies work here the way they normally do. When was the last time you ate or slept? Stop stalling. I wanna get out of here.” 

Yeah, all right. Sam guessed he’d find out. He drank half the bottle and put the cap back on before he stuffed it in his pocket. He noticed Beth and Dean didn’t drink theirs. Why not? Dean held his bottle up with a grin and said, “Saving it for when we really need it. In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re in Hell.” 

Right. If one of them got hurt, they’d need it if Cas couldn’t heal them. So far they hadn’t needed to have Cas heal any of them, so they didn’t really know if his powers had been cut off yet or not. But what was with the grin? Now Sam wondered if he’d been set up. Or was Dean setting him up to make him think that he was setting him up? He didn’t like -

Cas interrupted what Sam was thinking. “We really should get going.” Sam sighed. Yeah, Cas was probably right. Sam didn’t want to be here any longer than he had to be, but this part was the worst part of this whole place. He just needed to suck it up and get on with it. Taking a couple of deep breaths to steady himself, Sam made sure his angel blade was ready and then turned to lead the way out of the cave. 

He kept his eyes on the cliff to make sure he stayed close enough to it that he was just outside the reach of the hands. It was a little closer than they’d been the last time, but it meant they were hidden more in the shadows. Keeping an eye on the demons to his right, Sam found that none of them had noticed him yet. Glancing back . . . the whole group was with him and out of the tunnel. So far, so good, on them not being noticed. Hopefully, it stayed this way until the end.

Slaying yet another demon that was blocking his path, Sam wondered how many that was. A million? It felt like it. He couldn’t even remember what it’d been like in those caves now. He couldn’t see the mouth of the cave anymore when he looked back and hadn’t been able to for quite some time . . . a long time now that he thought about it. Sometimes he wondered if they’d ever really been in a place that was that quiet. The only thing that reminded him that fighting like this wasn’t all he’d ever done was looking back and seeing Dean. 

His brother hadn’t been with them on the way there, and to get Dean, they’d had to go through the caves . . . that meant the caves did exist. Hell didn’t do things by halves anyway. It was either too quiet or too loud. If Dean was here, then the life they’d lived before they got to Hell was real too. It’d just been too long since Sam had seen it. 

He forgot what trees and grass looked or smelled like. What was it he and his brother used to do all the time when they weren’t hunting? Drive around . . . what kind of car was it? It was a black car. He knew that. He knew he grew up living in that car. Was it an Impala? Yeah, that’s what it was. Dean would be proud of him for remembering that. He wondered if Dean could remember much about their life. 

What else did they do other than kill evil things? Sam couldn’t remember. It seemed like that’s all he knew how to do now. It’s what he did as he killed another demon that got in his way and then flipped one over his back that’d latched onto him before he stabbed it through the chest and kept going. He had one goal. He had to get to that door out of here.

Sam looked back again at the other three to see if they were still with him. They were . . . barely. Cas was wading into the sea of demons to get Dean back, and Beth was chopping her way through the demons that’d filled the gap between Sam and her. By the time she’d cleared space for Dean and Cas to return to when they got back to the group, they were back, and she was giving Sam the signal to keep going. She looked more than a little feral at the moment and maybe a little annoyed that he’d stopped, or maybe he was reading that the wrong way. She was annoyed, but it probably had more to do with Dean getting away from them. Sam mostly thought that, because as he turned to get them moving in the right direction again, he saw her go to town on a few demons that got a little too close to Dean for her liking. 

Now he needed to keep going and keep from being pulled into the crowds the way Dean just had been, because he knew the second he got picked up and carried away by demons, Dean would be joining the fray to go after him. He knew that, because that’s what’d happened the other times it’d happened. Luckily it hadn’t happened very often, and Beth and Cas were able to keep Dean from doing any damage even if Dean hadn’t made it easy for them. 

The last time it’d been a problem had been . . . months ago. Beth had been there one second and wasn’t the next. Dean couldn’t see her and had started to panic until Cas pulled him along and told to keep him going, because Beth would catch up. And Cas hadn’t been wrong. She came back like she had every other time after putting up a knock-down drag-out fight. Dean kept a closer eye on her after that and then Cas got taken, and Beth had to tell Sam to keep Dean with him while she went to give Cas some back up. Keeping Dean from being able to fight was the single hardest thing they had to do, and the only way to do it was to keep from being picked up and carried away.

But that was in the past. Right now that’s not what Sam needed to focus on . . . what he needed to focus on was getting back to that door. He had no idea how far away that was. He just knew they were nowhere near it, and he hoped they didn’t drag all these demons to it and let the secret of its location out. There was a time when he’d been hoping for a quiet ride for the last leg of their journey, but he didn’t know if they were going to get it. 

How long did they have to go until they got through this ocean of evil? He didn’t know . . . He remembered the first time he’d seen the demon rave, but the dune he’d been standing on at the time had been just like any others they’d passed along the way, except maybe a couple of feet taller. They could’ve passed it a few years ago, and he wouldn’t have known, because he was preoccupied with fighting and moving forward. As of right now, he was focusing on that dune up ahead, and when they passed that peak, he was probably going to focus on the one after that. That’s what he’d been doing so far. There was nothing else he could do, just swing his angel blade, take a step, kill something, take another step, fight some more, look back to make sure he wasn’t alone, and keep going.

Sam didn’t know what was happening. It felt like he was floating upside down. Had he been taken? How’d that happen without him knowing? He immediately began fighting and kicking and clawing to be released. The next thing Sam knew, he was being pulled off the shoulder of whatever had been carrying him, and something sat on his chest and punched him across the face. 

When he looked up, he saw that it was Beth, but there was fighting going on all around them. He tried to shove her off of him, so he could get to his feet, and Dean had to get involved in holding Sam down while at the same time grabbing ahold of Beth’s arms, so she didn’t get knocked back into the cliffs. Cas was watching Dean’s back and keeping any demons from getting to them, but they couldn’t really afford to stand around like this. 

Dean held Sam down as he tried to get up again, and Beth leaned closer to yell, “You got knocked out. Cas was carrying you. I was worried that you would hurt him. Sorry about the rough landing.” 

Sam attention and focus went on the demons and screams and yells all around them. He was more than a little wild-eyed as he shouted, “He’s an angel. I can’t hurt him.” 

Beth gave him a shake of the head and yelled, “You can hurt him, and that’s without you even being able to reach the angel blade in your back pocket. He’s weaker down here, and him being cut off from Heaven makes him even weaker still. We’re changing up the rotation. I’m taking the front, you’re behind me, and Cas is in the back.” 

_What? No, I don’t need to be –_

Beth leaned closer, and yelled in his ear, “Dean needs you by him. Do it for him.” Yeah, okay . . . if Dean needed him, Sam could do that for him. 

Dean made sure Beth was back on her feet before he let Sam go and helped him up, and then Sam felt around for his angel blade. When he found it, he wasn’t entirely sure how he hadn’t noticed it was there until now, since he was laying on it, but as long as he had it in his hand, he was good to go. He turned to tell Beth that, and she was already gone. Looked like she was into the fast approach. 

Dean gave Sam a little shove to get his attention, so Sam looked back at him, and Dean arched his eyebrows impatiently and looked towards Beth. Right. Dean wanted him to follow her. Sam wasn’t sure if he could keep up if they were going to be running the whole time. Dean grabbed the front of Sam’s jacket, pulled out the drink bottle, and handed it to Sam before he turned Sam and pointed him in the direction he wanted him to go and gave him another little push to get him going. _Why does it feel like I’ve been relegated to being babysat by Dean?_ Sam watched Beth get further and further away, while he twisted off the cap, and finished the rest of the bottle in one go before he threw the bottle at the outstretched hands of the cliff and went after her. 

The closer he got to her, the more he was able to observed her technique. She wasn’t actually engaging unless she had to engage. She was mostly dodging and ducking and keeping her pace too fast for the demons at the side to catch her. She swiped out at them when they got too close, but she kept running. If something got in her way, she’d kill it before it had a chance to do much, but even then she killed them by cutting through their sides as she zipped and zagged and darted and spun around them. The ones that lunged at her and went too early, she jumped over, but if she couldn’t jump that high, she slid under those demons, brought her blade up to kill them while she passed under them, and got back up and kept going without ever really stopping. 

When she’d said focus on one thing and not let anything stop your forward movement, she’d meant it literally. Keeping up with her meant there were less battles Sam had to engage in too and that there was less time to have to worry about Dean being taken or fighting. He still glanced back every so often to make sure Dean and Cas were still with them. If Beth was setting the pace, Sam felt like it was his job to make sure the others kept up, and they did. 

Now he understood what it was like to truly try to keep up with Beth. If anything it felt a little more freeing, and like Sam didn’t have to think about much of anything but keeping them moving. All of the running might be physically exhausting, but the trade off was that he didn’t have to expend that energy on fighting. It was a trade off that worked for him, because they were getting closer to their destination faster too. Sam wondered what Cas would be like when he took the lead.


	70. Cerebus

I stopped running when we got to the edge of Hell’s version of a party. I could’ve kept going, but I’d already pushed us to our limits. It’d been hard to keep that pace for as long as we did, roughly 1/3 of that hellacious kegger, even though it’s like Dean said, our bodies didn’t work the same way here that they did on Earth. While we were catching our breath in the shadows, Cas tiredly defended our backs, so we could do that and maybe drink some watermelon water. I shared some of mine with Sam and so did Dean, but I was keeping the last half of my bottle for when we really needed it. It didn’t have to be for Hell. It could be after we left Hell too. 

Speaking of getting out of Hell, we should be good from here on out. The only demons that really knew we were here were the ones near the cliffs. The ones stretching out as far as the eye could see behind them had no idea we were there. It wasn’t like gossip would spread, because they didn’t know or care who we were. They were all preoccupied with ripping each other apart. The ones by the cliff only wanted us, because they saw us in that second, and as soon as we were gone, their attention had been drawn onto something new and horrifying to entertain them. Now all we had to do was get out of here without Cerebus picking up our trail again. I assume he lost it when we went through that massive crowd the first time, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t out there somewhere looking to pick up our trail again. 

After my lungs stopped feeling like they were going to explode with each laborious breath of sulphuric, arid air, I looked around. The others looked better too. We were in the home stretch. We probably only had about as long as it took us to get through those caves to go, a couple of years tops . . . of walking. That’s what we’d done to get this far going the other way, but if we ran, we could get out of here faster. It looked like Cas wanted to go back to the walking, because he said, “I’ll lead the way from here, and then you can run the final stretch again. Keep an ear out for anything unexpected.” 

Okay. I guess you couldn’t hear if anything was chasing you if you were already running, and there are just some things you can’t outrun, so you have to be prepared for them and hide when necessary. Of course you could run right into danger too or even draw more attention to you if you’re running, because it’s a noisier way of getting around the place. Walking back started to look a whole lot better, or more cautious anyway.

It looked like I was going back to the back, or not. I guess Sam was, and I was the one walking behind Cas. We were doing this part of the journey a little different than we had on the way here. We’d stuck near the cliffs, but we hadn’t had to walk single file then, because my Dad had been with us, so we could afford to be a little more brazen until we got to the sea of demons. I know for a fact my Dad could’ve flown us over that sea, but I think he’d wanted all of us to train to be up to the job of coming back through it without him, and he’d wanted us to train, while he was still here and could help us. He really was a great teacher.

The best thing about this part of the journey was that we could take more breaks, and I found that I needed more of them now that I could have them. I think the other two humans in our group did too. You couldn’t sleep here. It just wasn’t possible, but you could take the weight off your feet for a while. Most of that time, I used to sit and not move a muscle, while I looked up at the sky with the lightening flashes and listened out around me to see if anything was nearby. At first the screams from up there were drowned out by the screams from the demon party, but as we got further away from that, the screams of the people on the chains above us seemed to stand out louder. They came across differently, and you could differentiate between the sounds above you and the sounds on the ground a lot better. Eventually, you couldn’t hear the demon party at all anymore.

You still couldn’t see the cliffs where the door was yet. I figured that as soon as we saw those, we could start running again. And I was tempted, so sorely tempted to have God just take us there, but I didn’t. We’d found a way around Dean being killed by hellhounds at the very end of God’s training mission back in time by getting Dean tossed into Hell a year early, but who knew what came after this, because now we were walking into unchartered territory . . . Dean hadn’t shed blood in Hell. The first seal wasn’t broken. Lilith didn’t get out through the gate in Wyoming . . . Heaven had to be pissed about all of that. I had no idea what they would do now . . . but that was something to worry about once we actually got out of Hell. For now, I was cautiously optimistic that we should make it back home to Rogue, but the fact of the matter remained. Dean had still been sent to Hell, died here, and was tortured by Alistair again. This was a big deal. That’s why I wasn’t asking God to just take us to the door. It wasn’t something that should be an easy fix, and it was our fault that it happened. 

It was Dean’s fault for signing up for this deal with God. It was my fault for being arrogant and stupid and for not really preparing adequately to keep the angels from throwing Dean in Hell. It wasn’t really Cas’s fault. It wasn’t really Sam’s fault either, but maybe Sam needed to be a part of this rescue because he hadn’t been able to do it the last time Dean and went to Hell. In that way, this was a good do over for him. I guess it was for Dean too in some ways, because he didn’t break the first seal even though he now had 45 years of torture under his belt, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that this was one mess we’d gotten ourselves into and had to find our way out of on our own . . . but if the angels stepped out of line after this, I was declaring war on them. I was sick of angels . . . more sick of them than I was demons, although not by much, because I was pretty sick of demons too.

As luck would have it, just as we saw the tops of the cliffs where the door was, our luck on the Cerebus thing ran out. I really didn’t want to kill him. I really didn’t want to find a way to chain him up. I didn’t think there was any way to talk him out of eating us, so I guess it was probably going to be one of those two options, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try to figure something else out. 

I actually saw him before we heard him. I’d been keeping an eye out on the distant hilltops for him and hadn’t been expecting anything after so long of getting nothing, but as soon as I saw him, I pulled Cas aside and told Sam to keep Dean going forward. I didn’t have to tell Cas what I’d seen, because that’s when we heard Cerebus howl. I’d never heard him howl in any of the times I’d come across him, which for me meant, he was a hound on a hunt, and he’d just found his foxes. 

Sam and Dean stopped and looked towards the direction of the howl. They caught sight of Cerebus at the same time and then looked at Cas and I. “Keep going, Sam . . . I told you we’d take care of it if it was a problem. Get to the river of lava, find a place to hide, and we’ll catch up.” 

Dean wasn’t all that happy about it. I think I was starting to understand why he used to argue with me about going anywhere near Lilith or Lucifer or the Four Horsemen. I thought I might use one of his arguments from our old life on him and see how it worked out. “I can’t do what I need to do to get us out of here if I have to worry about Cerebus tearing you apart. Cas is with me. I’ll be fine. Go with Sam.” Nah, he didn’t really like that all that much. It came out better when he said it. I was tempted, so sorely tempted to just have Cas – 

I quickly looked at Cas when he did what I’d been thinking and knocked Dean out. Looking down at Dean, Cas said, “We don’t have time to argue, and he has done it to you . . . maybe it will be good for him to see things from your point of view this time,” before he looked at Sam and said, “Carry him. If Cerebus picks up your scent, find a way across the river. Minos will let you pass, and then you’ll have to wait for Dean to wake up and start climbing the cliffs to the door. We’ll be back to you by then.” 

“Are you sure, you’re not my –“

Cas cut me off by saying, “You were thinking about it just now. It’s why you didn’t want to do it . . . because you didn’t like when he did it to you.” I still wasn’t sure about him. Either every Cas in every universe was very similar or this was my Cas, and he couldn’t find a way to remember our old life the way my Dad could.

Sam looked at Dean’s body and didn’t look all that thrilled about having to carry him, but took the time to look at me say, “Good luck explaining this one to him when you’re done. Think you’ll have an easier time with Cerebus.” I laughed for what felt like the first time in forever, and Sam smiled before he nodded towards the three-headed dog that was heading our way. “Go on . . . but I want details when you get back.” 

“Okay . . . I’ll tell you about the other two times I met Cerebus too.” Sam shook his head and called me a show off before he grinned and bent down to see what he could do about picking Dean up, and I looked at Cas. “You up for some flying? I think we need to get closer and keep his attention off of them.” 

Cas put his hand on my shoulder, and then we were half the distance closer to Cerebus. That was good. We needed some time to come up with a plan. He was still a long way off, but he was closing in on us fast. “If you know how to unchain Cerebus, than you know how to chain him too . . . if I can find something to bind him, we can work together to do it . . . Will you be okay here on your own while I go look for chains?” 

_Okay, now how did you know -_

“You thought it when you were talking to Sam about the other two times you met Cerebus. Either you trust me now or you’re finding it difficult to block me with 3 lifetimes in your head.”

I watched Cerebus charging towards us and said, “Or, I’m having a hard time doing that, when I’m trying to concentrate on getting us out of Hell . . . I could just ask God for the chains we need.” Cas’s focus shifted from Cerebus to me. 

“I thought you wanted us to serve out this trial on our own to make up for all the mistakes we’ve made.” 

I glanced in his direction. “Well, you’re just getting everything aren’t you . . . Uh, you haven’t made any mistakes. It’s Dean and I–“

“You would not be here if I had not made mistakes as well . . . I did not protect all of you from Uriel the way I should have. Sam would not be here if he had not agreed to God’s training either, the same as Dean.” 

“I guess Sam did sign on the dotted line like the rest of us. At least this time, he got to help save his brother and doesn’t know what it feels like to have Dean trade his life for his . . . and Dean being on Alistair’s rack again . . . Cas, he didn’t break . . . He ended up in Hell with no warning and held out again . . . on top of the 30 years he suffered here the last time. I’m really proud of him, of both of them, and I’m proud of Dad too . . . and you, even if you aren’t my Cas . . . I think being in Hell, while tragic and difficult, has maybe brought out the best in all of you.” 

Cas didn’t say anything, because I think he was waiting for me to make a decision on what to do about Cerebus, so I added, “In my old life, I don’t typically ask for God’s help unless I’m out of options, and even then, I sometimes forget. I’ve been using it a lot more in this life, because I was testing it out and trying to see how it worked . . . and also maybe because I’ve learned how to accept help more, or I did until I got my memories back. But I guess when I was dealing with Alistair in Dean’s cell, I was handling things for the most part, and then there was a moment when I had to ask my Dad for help, and I did . . . I would’ve died if I hadn’t. I think this is a moment like that . . . I think we need help with this, and we’re not asking God to bind him for us. Getting those chains on Cerebus is going to be a hard enough task as it is, but if it’s still not enough penance for you for Dean being here, we can climb up the cliffs at the end instead of having you fly us to the top to make up for it if you want.” 

That actually earned me a smile from Cas. He sure looked like my Cas in that moment. “You know you spent all of the time I could have been finding chains, talking, don’t you?” 

He sounded like my Cas too. I breathed out a laugh and replied, “Yeah, well, I really didn’t want to run around in big giant circles and have to duck and dive out of the way of those heads while you were gone. Thought I’d wind the clock down, so you didn’t have any other choice, but to have me ask God for a little help.” 

Cas’s smile grew before he looked at the three-headed dog that was only about half a mile away from us now. “You’re still going to be ‘ducking and diving’ out of the way of those heads. Who do you think is going to act as a distraction while I put the chains on him?” 

Maybe he understood humor a little more than my Cas, because I found that pretty funny without him having to play a prank on someone. “Okay, but I’m not telling you what the Enochian phrase is, so you’re the one who has to distract him when I run around binding everything . . . God, it’d be good if we had what we needed to chain poor old Cerebus up, because I really don’t want to kill him. He’s just doing his job.” As soon as the chains appeared in my hands, I handed them off to Cas and said, “Maybe start with the muzzles . . . ‘kay gotta go,” before I took off running in a big circle, so I could get a big enough head start to stay out in front of Cerebus. 

If I pretended, like he wasn’t trying to kill me, I could almost believe that I was having fun and running around with my giant three-headed dog, especially when he caught up with me, and I had to start running underneath of him to stay away from those heads. It was nice to see him again. I wasn’t entirely sure if my Cerebus was still alive. Maybe that’s why God included three muzzles. Maybe he was trying to tell me, I could bring this Cerebus back home with us? 

I could just have Cerebus hang out in Hell somewhere near the secret door out of here . . . maybe somewhere near Minos, and then when it was time to go, I could come get him and let him loose in our Hell if my Cerebus was dead. I wish Dad were here, so I could ask him about it. Instead I’d have to find a way to ask God . . . maybe in code, like, ‘God, if my Cerebus didn’t make it after the mission I sent him on to tell the two good Punishing Angels what the other five had done, have Sam and Dean waiting by the door to get out of here when Cas and I get back.’ 

If they were waiting for us by that door when we got back, I was going to feel pretty bad, because it’d mean my Cerebus was dead, but at least I’d know one way or the other. I’d been worrying about him off and on since the civil war in Heaven. I wasn’t sure what those daevas might’ve been able to do to him . . . maybe part of me thought that the army of full-blooded demons and angel-demons would’ve been a lot larger if it weren’t for him. What if they’d worked together to bring him down? What if he didn’t even make it that far because the 5 bad Punishing Angels killed him? If he did make it, then I didn’t think having two three-headed dogs running around our Hell would be a good idea, because my guess is that they’d fight with each other, but if mine were dead, there’d be plenty of room for this Cerebus. 

He looked the exact same as mine did . . . hopefully he was just as noble as my Cerebus was. If my Cerebus was gone, I’d get this one to the door, unchain him, and then I’d ask him what he wanted . . . present his options to him. I don’t know why it felt so important to me. Maybe because he’d been my ally through two pretty tumultuous periods in my life, three if he made it long enough to help cut down the numbers escaping the abyss while I was running around Heaven trying to free my Dad . . . and part of me had expected to see him again, so I could say thank you to him. 

Someone had to go find out who the new ruler in Hell was, so we could get rid of the Leviathan. Even if I didn’t see him again after that, I’d feel better knowing Cerebus was in our Hell keeping an eye on things and making sure fewer demons escaped. I guess we’d have to see how it went. I couldn’t make any plans until I found out whether my Cerebus was alive or dead.


	71. Waiting at The Door

Dean woke with a start to the sounds of screams. His heart was going a million miles a second, and sitting up and taking in the sights around him didn’t help. The thought, ‘I’m in Hell,’ kept going through his mind on repeat, and nothing he saw made him think that he wasn’t. He was really here . . . all those things had really happened. He was still here. He wasn’t getting out. 

Something grabbed his shoulder, and Dean turned, fist raised to fight with everything he had to keep from being put on the rack if he wasn’t really on it and just imagining everything he was seeing. Whatever it was caught his fist before he could connect, so he launched himself at it, and tried to pummel it after he got it on the ground beneath him, but it brought its arms up to shield itself, and then it pushed him off of it, and he landed on his back. _Too strong . . . I need to get away from it . . . just a few more minutes . . . I can’t go back._ He crawled backwards away from the demon that wanted to put him back on the rack, and then his hands met nothing but air, and he was falling until he wasn’t. When he looked up to see what’d caught him, it was Sam holding onto one of his feet. 

Dean looked down, and it looked like he was hanging upside down from a cliff. “What the fuck . . . pull me up. Pull me up!” 

“You gonna hit me again? You can’t do that . . . You can’t spill any blood while you’re here, even if it’s mine.” 

_Right . . . was that real? Did Beth get me off the rack and then drag me all over Hell? Maybe it did happen? Or maybe this is a trick. Maybe Alistair made me think I got loose, and this is a trick._ He noticed Sam wasn’t pulling him up. If this was real, Sam would pull him up, wouldn’t he? If this was real, then . . . “Where are Beth and Cas?” 

Sam looked past Dean’s head towards the ground and then looked Dean in the eye before he said, “I’ll pull you up, and we can talk about it, but I need to know you’re not gonna attack me again . . . If you are, I think I can get you to that ledge and drop you there until you calm down . . . It’s up to you, man, but I’d make my decision fast. You’re too heavy to hold onto like this for long.” 

Dean looked towards the ledge Sam was talking about and looked towards the ground that was a few miles below them and then looked back at Sam and nodded. “Yeah, all right . . . pull me up.” 

It was a bit of a bitch getting back up even with Sam helping. Sam pulled Dean up enough that he could grab ahold of Dean’s other leg, and then dragged him until Dean was on the ledge up to his knees. Then it was like the world’s worst sit up. Dean used almost every muscle in his body to sit up while Sam anchored his legs to the ground and tried to catch one of his hands to help him up the rest of the way . . . had to try it a couple of times before it finally worked. 

As soon as Dean was safe on solid ground, but not quite ready to sit up, Sam moved away from him. Dean glanced at him and exhaled a sad laugh. “You scared of me, Sammy? That’s just . . . awesome . . . I body slammed my girlfriend, and now I’ve got you scared of me. You sure, I didn’t really break, and this is –“ 

Sam quickly took a few steps closer and crouched down in front of him. “I’m not scared of you, Dean, but we’re here. We’re at the door. We made it, and if you give me a bloody nose or a split lip now, than we might as well have given you an angel blade way back at the beginning.” 

Yeah. Maybe. “How do you know none of those demons I hit on the way around that orgy didn’t start bleeding?” 

Sam looked out towards the direction that’d been and said, “I don’t know . . . They’re demons. They’re on their home turf. I think it takes a lot more to make them bleed than getting punched by you . . . me on the other hand . . . You really body slammed, Beth? It didn’t make her head bleed or anything, did it?” 

Dean rolled his head to look out at Hell the way Sam was. “Didn’t think to check . . . was too busy worrying about her not being able to breathe, and then there were the cave harpies sleeping above us. They took my mind off of it pretty fast . . . Don’t think she would’ve put me in the middle the whole way back if she thought I did anything then though.” 

“Cave harpies? Is that why we had to be quiet?” 

Dean exhaled a laugh he actually meant that time before he sat up. “Yeah, they were hanging up on the ceiling like bats in that round room.” 

Sam’s gaze went back towards the direction of the caves even though you couldn’t see them or the universe’s worst party from here. “You think they were in the tunnels too?” 

Dean shook his head and dusted his hands off. “Not sure . . . couldn’t see, but I’m willing to bet that Beth knows what was in those caves . . . Cas too. Think the writings above the caves were probably warnings or riddles that said what was in them.” 

Sam finally relaxed and sat down cross-legged next to him, and Dean asked the question he’d asked earlier again. “Where are Cas and Beth? I know you didn’t haul me up here on your own.” Sam ducked his head, like he really didn’t want to say. “Sam?” 

Laughing uncomfortably, Sam said, “They went to take care of Cerebus, that three headed dog who guards Hell. You wouldn’t let them go without you, so . . . Cas knocked you out and left you with me. One second I was carrying you over a mountain of bones, and the next we were up here . . . I’m guessing Beth put a word in to God to send us here.” 

Dean quickly looked back over his shoulder towards the rest of Hell. “You think it got ‘em? Is that why she had God send us here? You think –“ 

“I don’t know, Dean. I don’t think she’d send us here if she didn’t think she could make it. She’s the only one that knows the password for the door. If it was really over, I think she would’ve just sent us home.” 

Maybe, or maybe God hadn’t been willing to take them any further than this, and they had to find a way out of here on their own. She could be dead or dying out there somewhere, and he’d never – 

Sam cut into his thoughts by saying, “Does it feel like she’s dead?” 

Dean quickly looked at Sam. “How do you that’s what I was thinking? Are you one of them? Is this –“ 

Sam scooted back a little and said, “No, Dean . . . I’m not a demon, but I don’t have to be to know what you’re thinking. Does it feel like she’s dead? That’s how it works with soul mates, isn’t it? You’d know if something like that happened.” No, it didn’t feel like she was dead. Dean shook his head to answer Sam’s question and then went back to keeping a watch out for any sign that she or Cas were on the way here. 

Sam came to sit next to him after a while. If Dean pretended like he couldn’t hear the screaming, he could almost imagine that he and Sam were sitting on the hood of the Impala watching a thunderstorm rolling in. “I wouldn’t worry too much. She said she’s met Cerebus two other times. She’s still here, so I’m guessing she knows how to deal with him.” 

That wasn’t really the point. She knew how to deal with spirits, but that didn’t mean that each hunt they went on for one was any less dangerous than anything else they hunted. That, and she shouldn’t have left him. She’d never done that until now. It made him wonder . . . “You think she had Cas do that to me?” 

Sam shook his head. “She seemed pretty surprised that he did it.” 

Dean flicked a stone off the cliff and watched it plummet towards the ground. “She was thinking it though . . . just before it was lights out, she was thinking about how she was tempted to . . . Well, that’s where things went dark, but I’m thinking that’s where she was going with it, so that’s why Cas did it. And she didn’t waste any time going after that thing on her own without me.” 

Sam looked like he wanted to tread carefully with whatever it was he had to say. “There wasn’t time, Dean. That thing caught our scent and would’ve been on us in no time if she and Cas hadn’t gone to meet it halfway and take its mind off of us . . . and she might’ve been thinking about doing it, but she didn’t tell Cas to do it. He just did it. He said something about you doing it to her in our other life, so maybe you should feel what it was like to have it done to you.” 

Dean was sick of this other life . . . He couldn’t remember it, so it might as well have never happened. He liked this new Beth a lot more than he should, but he was starting to miss his Beth. She never would’ve thought of doing something like that to him. He knew this Beth knew a lot more than she was saying about things too. She never used to hold out on him either . . . not until her Dad told her about this other life. 

Dean had thought he was getting things back on track from that, but then she had to go and get all of her memories from that life, and now she withheld information from him all the time. It wasn’t just that either. She saw him . . . on the rack. She saw what’d been done to him, and that couldn’t be undone. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He didn’t want to talk about it with Sam though, so he went back to not talking. 

They were there for what felt like forever, and his thoughts bounced around from one thing to another. He could almost tune out the screams if he focused on his thoughts, so that’s what he did. He thought about his life, things he wanted to do when he got out of here, things he didn’t want to do. He thought about what Sam should do when they got out of here. Maybe if Azazel was gone, and Lucifer wasn’t coming . . . maybe Sam could have that life he’d always wanted. Sam could go back to school. Dean didn’t think Sam would cut him out of his life this time. 

_But what if the angels go after Sam to try and get to me?_ Maybe Sam should think about changing is name, just take his report cards from college and change the name on them, so he could apply somewhere else. But what if that wasn’t enough to keep Sam safe from the angels? Maybe they should stay here and wait it out until the angels forgot. Nah, they couldn’t stay here. The angels would catch onto the fact that he hadn’t broken eventually, and the last place Dean wanted to be was Hell when the angels were looking to make him break in Hell. Getting topside and staying on the run was the only thing he could really do. Sam would come with him, and Beth . . . Beth would probably do her own thing. Maybe it’d be better that way . . . at least until Dean figured out what it was he wanted. 

He and Sam both almost fell over the edge of the cliff when Cas appeared beside them and said that Beth was on her way. Apparently, she just wanted to have a few words with Cerebus alone before she let him go. 

“What does she think, that he’s her pet? You can’t leave her alone down there with it, Cas.” That one came from Sam. Dean wasn’t too thrilled about it, but Cas didn’t seem too upset, so Dean figured it must be something she could handle. 

Looking down towards where she presumably was, Cas said, “He’s more like a friend, and you two being up here just let her know that her friend is dead in your life, so she may be grieving for him.” 

Sam seemed confused and looked where Cas was looking. “So, she’s saying goodbye to this one, because she can’t say goodbye to the one she knew?” 

Cas shook his head. “She’s asking this Cerebus if he wants to come live in your Hell.” 

Sam laughed and said, “She can’t bring him with us. What are we supposed to do, have him run alongside the Impala everywhere we go?” 

“No, she plans to leave him here and come back to get him when it is time to go back to your other life, but the choice is his. I don’t think he’ll want to leave his responsibilities here, but the Cerebus she knew was often beguiled by her words. He was a true hero when it came to helping her close the gates of Hell, and he would not be dead if he had not sacrificed himself to carry out a mission she sent him on, so perhaps this Cerebus will decide he wants to come with her . . . I must go. She is praying for me to come get her.” 

Sam laughed and then looked over at Dean. “Do you think they’re messing with us?” 

_Hard to say._ It was hard to imagine what kinds of things she had to face in this other life if she was on good terms with one of the guardians of Hell. But this Hell needed this Cerebus, didn’t it? If this life was a real life and the people in it were real, she couldn’t just start pulling things from this life and taking them to that life, because they were gone there. “Probably not . . . guess you can ask her when you see her.” 

Sam, still looking over the side of the cliff to try and catch a glimpse of the three-headed dog, said, “I will . . . There’s so much I want to know . . . Now that we’re not in a ‘do or die’ situation, I bet we’ll find out more.” 

“I wouldn’t hold my breath.” Dean ignored Sam’s look, while he got to his feet, so he could be ready to get out of here when Beth and Cas came back. He was ready to get the hell out of Hell.


	72. Now What?

Sam watched Beth walk up to the side of the cliff next to them, like it was a regular door and say something in . . . it sounded a lot like Latin, but it wasn’t Latin . . . Italian, maybe? And then she stepped aside, so he, Dean, and Cas could go first. “Wait, what about your Dad?” 

She opened her mouth to answer, and Dean said, “He’s not coming. He got sent back to our other life, because he resurrected me,” before he stepped through the door. 

Sam looked down at Beth, and she gave him an awkward smile before saying, “And look at how well you did without –“ 

He understood why she’d done it, so he reached down to pick her up in a big bear hug and said, “Thanks . . . I’m not sure I would’ve been able to if I’d known . . . just thanks,” before he set her down and walked out into the world, and . . . Wow. Green might be his new favorite color. It beat the heck out of red and orange and black. 

It was hard for his eyes to adjust to the light at first, but it didn’t matter. Everything was so fresh and clean and bright and beautiful . . . only partly cloudy, so he could see some of the blue sky, but even the white of the big fluffy clouds was a whole lot better than the black and purple clouds in Hell. Maybe blue would be his new favorite color, or white . . . was white really a color? He didn’t care. He was just glad he was out of Hell. 

He heard Beth say the words to close the door again, and . . . it was over. This nightmare was really over. Azazel was dead. Hell was behind them, and life was ahead of them. What were they going to do now? For starters, it looked like Dean was going to ask where his car was. Beth glanced at Cas and didn’t even have to ask before the angel disappeared and came back with the Impala a minute later, which perked Sam up even more. 

He felt like he could sleep for a week and hadn’t really been looking forward to trying to find a car they could steal to get back to Cold Oak, and he really hadn’t been looking forward to going back to Cold Oak either. There were too many bad memories and too many buried bodies there for him to ever want to go back there again. 

Food, a shower, and sleep . . . those were Sam’s top priorities at the moment. Dean was driving, Sam was riding shotgun, and Beth was in the back . . . just like old times, except Cas was here too. What were they going to do about Cas? Was he coming with them now too? What about Paige? Was she at home in L.A., or was she still looking into the Roadhouse? How long had they been gone? Sam turned to look back at Beth and asked her for his watch.

As soon as she handed it to him, Sam just stared at it while Dean started the car and put it into drive. 3 months. He didn’t know how that made him feel. Maybe he needed some time to adjust, because being out of Hell hadn’t quite hit him yet. This all seemed so normal and not normal at the same time. 

What were they supposed to do now? He had no idea. He couldn’t go back to school. What if the angels used him to find Dean? It wasn’t just that though . . . How do you sit in a lecture hall with other students knowing that you were in Hell? Hunting was a hard enough secret to keep from people, but Hell? That was a whole other story. He didn’t think he’d even be able to sit there and concentrate on anything anyway. He wasn’t even sure he could go back to hunting yet. It almost seemed too . . . easy? Compared to where he’d just been and what he’d done and fought and seen . . . sitting in the car for long stretches or researching a case or even hunting for monsters seemed lackluster.   
Dean didn’t look like he was up for much talking. When Sam turned around to talk to Beth, he saw that she was asleep. Maybe he should do the same thing. Maybe he just needed to clear his head, and sleep would do the trick. He settled in against the door and closed his eyes for 15 minutes, but it was like he’d forgotten how to sleep. He couldn’t do it. There were too many things going through his head right now. 

He’d been in Hell 20 minutes ago, and now he was watching the world fly by through the passenger side window of his brother’s car. He didn’t know how long he could take this . . . he could maybe last until Dean found somewhere for them to stay, but he didn’t think he could stay in once place for that long. Sure he’d done it while they’d been waiting on that ledge by the door out of Hell, but that’d been totally different. 

Then he’d been on alert in case anything climbed up the wall to attack them, and maybe he’d been alert in case Dean lashed out at him again . . . and he hadn’t been able to shut out all the screams . . . going from that to being out here in the real world where the loudest thing he could hear was the roar of the engine . . . the more he tried to sleep and the more his brain compared where he’d just been to where he was now, the more he thought he was going to go crazy. 

And then Dean turned on the radio. That helped some. At least there was some kind of noise that filled the void in Sam’s senses where screams used to reside. He felt himself start to relax a little, so he went back to focusing on what they should do now. It depended how long they had left . . . if they’d been in hell for 3 months, then they should have 11 ½ months left. 11 ½ months to keep Dean from being sent back there. 11 ½ months worth of time to fill. 

Sam couldn’t go back to school for just 11 ½ months, and he still didn’t think that was something he could do. They could take a vacation, but he wasn’t sure that he’d be able to take one for that long. They could get jobs and see what it was like to live like normal people. They’d have to fly under the radar and use fake names, so the angels didn’t find them, but he wasn’t entirely sure he could do that any better than he could school. He was sticking that one in the maybe column. 

They could go back to hunting and hit it hard . . . try to clean up as much of this universe as they could and make it a little safer when they left than it was when they got here. If they were going to hunt, Sam felt like focusing on the demons more than anything else. He’d seen them in their natural state, and they had no business being up here. He’d just throw his ideas out there and see what Dean wanted to do. Sam was fine with whatever it was as long as he got to stay with his brother. He’d literally just gone through Hell and back to get Dean, and he wasn’t letting him out of his sight for a while.

The next thing Sam knew, it was dark, and Dean was jostling him awake and saying something about getting some food and caffeine. It looked like they were at a diner. Sam looked down at his clothes, and they were covered in blood and goo and sweat and . . . he wasn’t going in there looking like this. Dean read his reaction and pointed to the motel attached to the diner. Right they were staying here. 

Sam didn’t really think that any of them should be going in there and getting a room either. Even a dive like this would turn them away and call the cops. Sam looked in the back when he heard Beth say, “Here.” She handed a wad of cash to Cas, and Cas disappeared. Sam guessed that Cas did look the cleanest out of all of them. 

“Does he know how to get a room?” Dean asked. 

Beth looked out the window towards the direction of the motel and answered, “I coached him through it before I handed over the money.” 

“In your head, right? There a reason you didn’t feel like sharing with the class?” Dean got out of the car and slammed the door shut before she could answer, took the keys off of Cas, and then headed to the trunk to grab his bags. 

Sam looked back at Beth and said, “He’s just tired. I’m sure he’ll be fine when he gets some food and some sleep.” 

Beth gave him an unsure nod before she watched Dean go to one of the rooms and said, “He doesn’t like it when I don’t tell him things . . . I think maybe I should stop letting Cas read my mind . . . if I can figure out how to do that again . . . everything’s going kind of haywire at the moment.” 

“Because you were in Hell? I’m having a hard time adjusting to being topside too.”

“I don’t know, Sam . . . Some of it is having 3 lifetimes in my head. Some of it is Hell . . . I think Hell made it worse.”

At least he wasn’t the only one finding this difficult. Maybe she knew something they could do to keep them occupied for the next 11 ½ months. “Can you fill us in on the prophecies now that we have the time? Maybe it’d be good to have something to do . . . I’m feeling a little lost right now.”

Beth sat back and relaxed against the backseat. “Yeah . . . they just say I know how to get the 10 tablets. If someone put all those together and had the right prophet, they could steal God’s power. He’d die, and everything He’s created would go with him. You can’t get the tablets if you have a full soul. I have one now, so it’s not like we can get them. The rest of the prophecies said Dean and I would save humanity after a great war. That won’t happen in this timeline now if we all disappear, or I hope it doesn’t . . . I think you’ve been too afraid to ask much about our other life, and I haven’t known what I should tell you and what I shouldn’t, but if you want to ask me anything, you can. Maybe it’ll help to keep your attention on something else."

“And help you to untangle some of it?” Beth nodded, so Sam thought about what he wanted to ask. “When Minos had me . . . he wrapped around me 10 times. Based on what I did in our old life, do you think that was right?”

Beth exhaled a forced breath and said, “I think Minos only knows how to read the darkness in a person’s soul. He doesn’t look for the light. If there wasn’t light there, I would’ve killed you.”

“You?” She nodded, and he wasn’t sure what to ask. “What about Dean?” 

Taking a deep breath, Beth said, “He couldn’t do it himself, so he went in to let you torture him, knowing that when I saw what you did, it’d make me automatically tap into my soul . . . He thought it was the only way I could be a match for you.” 

Sam slumped and then gave her a sad smile. “Guess that’s why I’m not Rogue’s godfather, huh?”

“Yeah, well . . . after that, you turned it around. It’s just that you were off being evil when we found out we were having her, and Dean asked Cas.”

Ducking his head, Sam nodded. “Why did I do it?”

“Try to kill the world?” Sam glanced at her to let her know that’s what he’d meant, so she said, “You wanted to take over God’s throne. At first it was to erase something bad you did to me and Dean right before you let Lucifer out of his cage, but then you killed your girlfriend to keep Lucifer from interfering with your plans, and you felt like you had to keep going with it. I think you also told yourself that you could give Dean and you the normal childhoods you’ve always wanted if you went back in time to erase Azazel from ever meeting your Mom, and it kind of spiraled from there.”

None of that sounded familiar. It sounded like she was talking about somebody else. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what bad thing he did to Dean and Beth. It must’ve been pretty bad for him to want to erase it from happening enough he would kill a girlfriend he’d apparently had. 

Sam swallowed and then said, “I let Lucifer out of his cage?”

“Yeah, you thought killing Lilith was the right thing to do, so you killed her, and doing that was the last seal.”

Sam looked back at her and said, “So, Dean breaking in Hell was the first seal, and me killing this Lilith was the last . . . sounds like some kind of cosmic symmetry.”

Beth smiled briefly before saying, “Yeah, it does, but what’s even more cosmic symmetry is that you are Lucifer’s one true vessel, and Dean is Michael’s one true vessel, so if we had given the angels and demons what they wanted and hadn’t stopped the Apocalypse, the death match between Lucifer and Michael would’ve been fought using you and Dean.” 

_I’m Lucifer’s one true vessel? Freaking Lucifer?_ “Is that why I’m evil?”

Beth sat up and said, “You are not, evil, Sam . . . You’ve done evil things. I wouldn’t have saved you if I didn’t believe that. Now some people might think you face more retribution than I gave you, but that’s not up to me. That’s up to God . . . and you obviously met with God, and he sent you here instead of smiting you on the spot, so –“

“He said he wasn’t sure what to do with me.”

“Exactly.” Sam looked up at her, and she said, “If He’d said, I’m going to throw you into the abyss the way Minos did, then there’d be no hope. He didn’t.” She was darker than she used to be, but she also seemed more hopeful. 

The more he heard, the more questions he had. Maybe she was right. Maybe talking to her about this stuff was filling the part of his brain that’d been preoccupied with staying alert while he was in Hell. Then out of nowhere Beth said, “God, it’d be good if all my bags and Sam’s bags were in the trunk,” before she got out of the car, and he followed her to the back. It looked like they’re bags were there even though they should’ve been in other parts of the country right now. 

Sam sighed when he saw how happy Beth was to find a half-empty box of cigarettes stashed somewhere Dean wouldn’t notice. They grabbed their bags, and he closed the trunk, before she lit the cigarette and leaned back against the car. He really hated smoking, but she stopped him from going into the motel to ponder what she’d already said by saying, “Dean isn’t mad because he’s tired or because I told Cas how to book a room . . . He doesn’t know how he feels about me seeing him on the rack in Hell. The further away from it he is, the worse it’s making him feel.” 

At that Sam, leaned back against the Impala next to her and took a deep breath. He wished he hadn’t, because he inhaled a lungful of smoke, but then she offered him a cigarette as a joke, and he decided to be the one to surprise her by taking it. “I’m not lighting it . . . You’re just holding it to make you look cool. My Dad can heal my lungs anytime he wants, or I’m pretty sure that’s what he does, but that’s like . . . daughter of an archangel benefits, so . . . I think it’s best not to get you started on them, especially since there are none in our other life . . . I have to use a time spell and go back to the 1970s if I want to smoke . . . I quit a long time before the world went to Hell, or at least I cut it down to the occasional cigarette when I was drinking, but knowing you can’t have one ever again really makes you want to have one.” 

He remembered trying one of her cigarettes when he was a teenager, and it was awful, but then he’d just been in Hell. Compared to the air down there, how bad could it be? “You know I tried weed when I –“ 

Beth laughed. “I heard . . . now it’s my turn to be all judgmental. I’ve never once tried it, and I won’t . . . I don’t like things messing with my cognitive reasoning.” 

Sam laughed until he saw she was being serious. “But Dean –“

She grinned. “I’m not Dean . . . just because I smoke doesn’t mean I’m into experimenting with anything else. As far as I’m concerned, you’re more of a wild child than I am.” 

“Okay, I know it’s not the same thing, but was Dean telling the truth when he said he caught you and Dad smoking cigars one time after a hunt?” All his stuff had smelled 10 times worse than they normally did that time. Ever since then, she’d always joked about turning his Dad down for a cigar, but now Sam wanted to know. 

Taking a drag off her cigarette, Beth said, “Think you should talk to your brother about that one . . . Your Dad might’ve shared the odd cigarette with me . . . said it reminded him of being overseas, but he never came back from a hunt with a box of cigars to celebrate a victory.” 

Sam exhaled another laugh and shook his head. “So, it was Dean. I knew it . . . any idea how he did it?” 

“I think he made himself sick smoking an entire box of those cheap ones directly into your bag, because he had to get it done before you came back from whatever it was you were doing . . . play practice or something.” 

Sam smiled again, and then his smile fell before he looked back towards the motel room. “Any idea how this time is affecting him compared to last time? I mean if he could feel what it did to him the last time before he went there, is the damage worse, or –“ 

Beth glanced over her shoulder towards the motel too and replied, “The last time he broke after 30 years. What he did during the 10 years as a torturer actually tortured him a lot more than what happened to him in the 30 years before that, and what made it worse was him knowing that when he broke, the first seal broke. It meant that he felt responsible for every person who died during the breaking of the other seals. This time . . . I don’t know. He seems a little more jumpy than he did the last time. On the plus side, he doesn’t have any additional guilt. I don’t think he could take anymore than he already has . . . It’s still lingering under everything he feels, because like you said, he can feel what being in Hell did to him the last time, but more wasn’t piled up on top of that . . . the pain and suffering were increased, and the humiliation probably increased ten fold, not just because he was helpless again, but because I saw him, like that.” 

This might be the first time Sam really understood what it was that she could do. If Dean knowing what she was thinking was an intimate thing between them . . . what she could do with Dean was . . . a whole other level of intimacy, especially for Dean who never let what he was feeling show except in the odd moments when he couldn’t take anymore. Sam didn’t know what to do for Dean. If you took into account the difference in Hell time, it was like 45 years that his brother had been tortured. How could anyone’s soul be that strong? 

Sam was going to ask her if she had any ideas on what to do, but she lit up another cigarette and said, “I could tell him that Crowley sent him to my cell in Heaven, so he saw me being tortured.” Maybe that meant something to the other him, but it didn’t mean anything to him, so Sam waited for her to explain. Beth glanced up at him, and slumped a little. “When I was in Heaven, I was tortured every time they caught me and put me back in my cell. I broke out a lot . . . something like 150 times.” 

Beth took another drag and then slowly exhaled before she looked at her boots. “In our last life, there was a demon named Crowley, and he became almost as powerful as God, because I rigged it, so he’d take all the souls from Purgatory and go kill Raphael. I knew it was dangerous. Not only was he a demon with that kind of power, but I also knew that if he held onto that power long enough, he’d explode . . . who knows what monster spirits are like, and there would’ve been millions of them . . . I convinced him to put the souls back, and he was in the process of doing that when Dean got too close, and what he did is hard to explain . . . Dean’s body was with us, but he was catatonic. He couldn’t talk or hear us or see us. The only way I could get through to him was by . . . I think by shifting my focus from his emotions to his thoughts. Your Dad said one time that Dean did that, because he was scared and trying to find me anyway he could . . . I must’ve done the same thing, because I could hear what Dean was thinking sometimes when he was calling out to me, and if I talked to him, he’d stick around for a little while, but the whole time he was like that, his mind or his spirit or his psyche or whatever you want to call it . . . it was with me in my cell in Heaven while I was being tortured . . . in the past.”

She paused to see if he was with her up to this point. He was kind of . . . it was something he could work out later along with all the other stuff she’d told him. He gave her a small nod, so she said, “He was forced to watch what happened to me and hear it and feel my blood spraying all over him without being able to do anything about it. Every time he tried to hit one of the angels to keep them away from me, his hand went right through them. If he tried to throw himself over me to protect me, he magically appeared on the other side of the room. If he turned his back on it, the scene would start all over again, so he felt like it was his fault if it started over again and forced himself to watch the next time . . . It wasn’t like it was actually happening to me again, because that specific session only ever happened once, but he believed it did after a while . . . He gave up on trying to protect me or fight for me after a while and just sat next to me and talked to me while it was happening, because he didn’t want me to feel alone. It’s the only way he could cope with it. Me not feeling like I was alone was the only thing he had left to hold onto even though I couldn’t hear him or see him . . . I think he needed to believe that I could feel his presence . . . maybe I need to believe it too, so I don’t have to think that he went through witnessing something like that alone or for nothing . . . and I know what he saw was real, because whenever I have a nightmare, he knows what I’m talking about, and he usually asks me questions, like what I said in Enochian or what I was thinking.”

Wow, uh . . . that, uh . . . it was kind of messed up, but Sam could see how a demon-God would dream something like that up . . . He could see what she meant. If she saw Dean at his most vulnerable once, she could tell Dean that he’d seen her at her most vulnerable every time it happened. Beth watched him and then flicked the ash off her cigarette before she took another drag and added, “But the problem with me saying that to him is that . . . it won’t make him feel any better about what I saw in Hell, because he doesn’t remember that. Me telling him that he saw those things done to me, or that I’ve seen bad things done to him or had him die in my arms or any of the other things that have happened in that life . . . It won’t make him feel better. It’ll sound like a story someone is telling him in a book, and I know how that feels, because that’s how I felt when I came back with no memories of anyone after Rogue was born . . . I wanted to be this person I didn’t know and people expected me to be. It makes you start to question who you really are and if you’re doing something the right or wrong way and nothing you do seems to be right, and people around you get frustrated with you for not getting something they think you should get. It is not a fun place to be.” 

“You should still tell him.”

She looked up at him and said, “Yeah. I was planning on it, but I don’t think it’ll matter . . . at least not for another year. I expected it . . . before I went to get him. I knew he’d have a hard time with this . . . I knew he wouldn’t want you to see him like that either-“

“That’s why you left me out in that hall?” She nodded, and Sam felt bad for being so mad at her and Cas at the time. He should change the subject. “I’m not saying that I don’t believe you, because I do. Minos was a pretty big wake up call, but . . . if I hurt you and Dean as many times as you’ve said, why am I a part of yours and Dean’s life?” 

Beth tossed the end of her cigarette away and thought about that before she answered, “You’re not that person anymore. You’re more like you are now. If you want good things you’ve done. You were there when I had Rogue. After the civil war in Heaven, I had a mental breakdown. You let me stare at one of your shirts for hours at a time, and you sat with me all day, every day and made me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You slept next to me, so you could help me with my nightmares. I didn’t really have them before that, because until the civil war in Heaven, I couldn’t remember the bad things that happened to me up there. I needed your help, because you couldn’t read my mind the way Cas and Dean could. When ancient daevas from the abyss that are so big and powerful that they can slice through an angel were unleashed on our camp, you protected Rogue. You got banged up, but you didn’t let her get a scratch. We lost 28 people, but the people who lived, only did so because of you. You and I teach at the camp, and it’s a camp you set up. It’s entirely comprised of kids that you had imprisoned in Vegas . . . and now you teach them History, English, Math. You’re always coming up new things to teach you. They went from being terrified of you and hating you to giving you a hard time about doing homework . . . and you did all those things after you went Darth Vader on the world. You weren’t irredeemable. In a world that’s as dark as ours is, my job is to save the light, and you weren’t completely dark, yet.” Sure sounded like he was if he was using kids to feed monsters, but then maybe if he’d done all of those other things after he went off the deep end, there was more ‘good’ in him than he’d thought. 

“What about the people you don’t let live?” Dean had told him that she said she was like a judge, jury, and executioner. 

“Their atrocities might not be on as grand of a scale, but there is no light left in them. They are not people that could do the things you’ve done after being given a chance. They’d go into our camp, violate everyone living there, and then cut them into pieces. They are essentially human demons that would love that party in Hell we passed. You have to remember that when the world goes Apocalyptic, it brings the best out in some people, the worst out in other people, and becomes a playground for others because they can finally do what they want without any consequences . . . The ones that use it as a playground . . . if I see them doing the things they do for fun, I destroy them myself. If they’re people that have become the worst possible versions of themselves, I‘ve been . . . finding other ways to punish them. Generally, they have a choice to make. They can either learn from their mistakes or die. Others need to learn from their mistakes and die or go monster.” 

Sam found himself somewhat intrigued by the ones she’d given a choice and asked what those people had done. “Well, the ones I sent to the Leviathan were buying and selling other people they’ve found. They’d either keep them, so they can give them to a monster out in the wilds in exchange for their life, or they used them as any kind of slave you can imagine. They tear families apart. They trade their captives for food or weapons to monsters, so the monsters could then take those people and turn them into monsters for Eve’s army or eat them.” 

“How is that any different than what I did?” 

Beth decided to light up another cigarette and said, “It’s not, but then I didn’t let you off easy either. I shot you in both ankles, both knees, and your right shoulder, and you had to earn the right to have those things healed. One of your knees still isn’t healed . . . It’s no different than sending those people to the Leviathan and giving them a fighting chance. They aren’t completely bad either. They just need to learn a lesson to set them on the right path. It gives them a chance to help one another, so they can remember what that feels like. If they don’t work together, they’ll die. Plus, I say the Ezekiel quote from Pulp Fiction and have Cas show them his wings, so it puts the fear of God back into them. It reminds them they will be held accountable some day for the things they do. It’s the wakeup call they need.” 

It wasn’t necessarily about seeking retribution for the bad things people do . . . it wasn’t really having the punishment fit the crime either. It was about getting people to change if they could be better, and if they couldn’t, they wouldn’t make it . . . the ones who wouldn’t be better no matter what she did, didn’t even get that chance. It really was her way of protecting good from evil in individuals and as a group.

“Anything else?” Beth asked while she lit up another cigarette, and that’s maybe the first time he realized she was cool, calm, and collected on the outside, and really stressed out on the inside. She only smoked like this when she was. 

“Uh, do you miss it?” 

She looked up at the sky and exhaled a breath of smoke before she said, “I miss the hunters and the kids in our camp and Rogue . . . I mean it feels like we’ve been here for 12 years, and we were in Hell for 30, so that’s like 42 years of being away from them, but it still almost feels like I saw them a few weeks ago . . . It kind of messes with your head a little. You’ll see.” 

Yeah, hopefully he would. “I heard you found out that you lost a friend? Was wondering if you wanted to talk about it?” 

Beth relaxed a little and smiled sadly. “You mean Cerebus?” He nodded, so she said, “Wow, where do I begin? He was there when I needed him during some pretty dark times, but the first time we met . . .“ While Sam listened to her talk about how she made a deal with Cerebus when she was closing the gates of Hell, he thought that the young woman that he’d known since he was a kid was still there. It’s just that an amazing woman with fantastic war stories and a wealth of knowledge had enriched her. 

You could feel the maturity emanating off of her now. It wasn’t annoying the way he thought it was before they went to Hell. He thought she might miss that life, but there was a part of her that didn’t want to stomp all over this one, because she liked this life too. She wanted to enjoy it while it lasted, and she wanted he and Dean to be able to do the same. It was something they were all going to have to get used to now, because she’d basically gone through some kind of a metamorphosis, and there was no going back. She’d reached her full potential. There was something comforting about that, and Sam looked forward to getting to know her better.


	73. Separation

“What do you mean she’s leaving?” I flipped another page on my graphic novel and listened to Sam and Dean arguing about my future. Sam wanted me to stay and was blaming Dean for me leaving. Dean had a chat with me last night after we got back from getting food, and he had offered me the chance to stay or go, but I could tell based on what he was feeling that he really wanted some time away from me to figure out what it was he wanted, so I said I’d give him whatever time and space he needed. He’d tried to argue that’s not what he wanted until he realized I could feel what he did and then he’d admitted it was. If it’s what he needed, it’s what I’d give him after round two of Hell. “Did she tell you –“ 

I interrupted Sam. “I did, and it’s like I told you.” He slumped a little and turned to look at me. I had told Dean about what happened in our other life, and he didn’t remember it, so he didn’t really feel reassured by it. Sam didn’t need to bring it up. He didn’t need to let Dean know that me seeing his vulnerability in Hell was a big part of the problem, and Dean really didn’t need to know that Sam and I had talked about it. 

I turned my attention to the next page, and Dean said, “Did she tell me what?” 

I glanced at Sam, and he quickly backtracked on what he’d been saying. “Nothing, I just . . . I don’t understand this.” 

Dean had fielded enough questions about it so far, so I said, “I’ll just be a phone call away, Sam. Let me know if you need anything.” 

Dean quickly added, “And it’s not for good . . . I thought it’d be good if it was just you and me for a little while.” 

Sam didn’t look like he bought that. “So, it was your idea.” Before Dean could say anything Sam added, “She’s just going to go and start hunting on her own?” 

I hadn’t told Dean what I was going to do, so he glanced at me and then at Sam before he said, “Cas is –“ 

“No, he’s not. He can’t go back to Heaven now, and he needs someone to look out for him, but I think it’s better if he stays with the two of you.” 

That gave Dean a moment of pause, and then he joined in on the Sam side of things. He started arguing that I couldn’t hunt on my own and blah, blah, blah. Sam seemed pretty happy with himself until Cas said, “She is more than capable of taking care of herself.” 

Dean turned his attention on Cas who had just been sitting back and taking it all in up to that point. Before Dean could say too much, Cas added, “She cannot do what she needs to do if she is worried about what will happen to the two of you . . . If I am with you, then she doesn’t have to worry.” Yeah, that was true, but I hadn’t let Cas know that’s what I was thinking. He’d just gotten really good at knowing my motivations on things. Plus, I’d said it in Hell.

“What the hell are you planning on doing, Beth?” 

I glanced up at Dean and then looked back down at my graphic novel. “Nothing you need to worry about.”

“I’ll always worry –“

“I’ll be okay, Dean.” 

I didn’t want to hear things like that. I was trying to be understanding of why this was happening, but it didn’t mean that I wasn’t hurt that things like this kept happening. I think Sam thought our discussion had meant he was going to get his way right up until Dean glared at me, said, “All right. We’ll take him,” and started grabbing his bags. 

“What? You can’t be serious, Dean! I –“

Dean’d had enough and shouted, “Be packed up and ready to go in 10!” before he stormed out of the room. 

Sam came over to sit next to me and asked Cas to give us the room before he said, “I don’t understand this.” 

He did. He just didn’t want to understand it. “It’s what he needs, so it’s what I’m going to give him.” 

Sam quickly glanced at me and then said, “What about what I need? I feel like I’m . . . nevermind.” 

“A child of divorce?” I asked with a laugh.

“Yeah, actually.” I wasn’t expecting that. 

“We’re not breaking up. He just needs some space.” 

Sam looked down at his feet and questioned, “You sure about that? He mentioned the boundaries that you guys have set when it comes to other people, but have you actually talked about what the rules on this separation are? How do you know he isn’t going to go out there and use this as his last hoorah before he has to go back to the grind of living with you in this other life.” 

_I don’t, and I wish you hadn’t said that, Sam._ “You think we should? I kind of think right now might not be the best time to talk about it, or he’s likely to say something he’ll regret . . . I guess I just have to have faith that isn’t what he wants.” 

Sam shook his head and looked at his feet again before saying, “Here, I thought you were a lot stronger in that life, but you still do whatever he wants whenever he wants . . . what about being your own person?” 

“I, uh . . . in that life, I’ve gotten pretty used to him breaking things off, but I don’t know if I can keep doing it, Sam.”

He looked like he hadn’t been expecting that. “Well, then don’t let us leave.”

“It’s not up to me. I won’t force him to –“ At his sad look, I stopped and reassessed what I was going to say. “I’m not going to force it. I spent a long time in heaven never being wanted by anyone or anything . . . I won’t put myself through that again . . . If he came back, I would take him back, because I want him . . . imperfections and all . . . nothing will ever change that. I want him to know that he’s wanted by somebody, no strings attached, and that I’ll always want to take care of him.” 

Sam nudged me to get my attention and said, “You should tell him that.” 

“I have . . . I said it quite a bit in our old life . . . and every time we talk about those cookies I gave him for Christmas when we were kids . . . that’s what we’re talking about, because that’s what me offering them to him meant, and him taking them and then giving me a hug was his way of accepting that . . . We never said that’s what it meant back then, but we both knew what was underneath it all . . . probably because of our soulmate thing.” 

Taking a deep breath, Sam said, “That’s what why you guys always talk about those cookies, like they’re a contract you fleshed out a little more when you added the 50/50 addendum onto it?” I nodded, and then he looked a little sad. “I’m sorry . . . I could stay if you want.” 

Aww. “Still the same kid that doesn’t want me studying in the library on my own, huh?” When I glanced at him, he smiled because he got what I meant, but then I said, “Thanks for the offer, but I think he needs you right now. You having his back and taking care of him is actually what I need more than I need company.” 

He puffed out a sigh and then nodded before he stood and grabbed his bags. “Okay, but I want daily updates from you. I know you used to give them to your Dad, and he’s not around anymore, so you have some free time to call me.” I nodded in agreement, and then he gave me a hug and headed for the door at the sound of Dean’s horn blaring. I guess it was time for me to explore this life on my own now. I didn’t necessarily end up where I thought I would either.


	74. Problems Readjusting

Dean quickly lead the way to the Impala, so they could get out of here before the cops figured out where they really were. “That was the single worst idea you’ve had. All these years of Beth’s Dad getting us out of trouble, and you talk me into helping you fake holding up a bank, so we get thrown in prison.” 

_What? It worked._ “Yeah, well . . . no more innocent people are going to die. That sounds like a job well done to me.” 

Sam huffed broodingly in his seat and said, “You’re just lucky I was able to get through to our ghost before we went into that bank. She thought it was a stupid idea too. No planning . . . No anything. Just hold up a bank and ruin our records. We could’ve gone in as security guards. If Deacon needed our help so bad, then getting us jobs there is the least he could’ve done.” 

_Our ghost . . . yeah, where is she?_ Sam said going into the prison that the last he’d heard, she was in Cicero, Indiana, so the last thing Dean had expected to see was Beth walking in as his public defender a day later. She’d kept it professional and told him that the spirit used to be a nurse who worked in the prison. She gave him the name of the nurse, told him where she was buried, and said all he needed to do was break out of there. She hadn’t done the salt and burn, and that’d surprised him. He’d thought that she would use them being in prison to get there and finish it before they could. Sam had told him that she wouldn’t, so they’d gone there to check, and she hadn’t. She had to be in the area somewhere though. 

“Nah, this was the fastest way for us to get in and get out. If we’d gone in as guards, we would’ve had to pass security checks and –“ 

“We had clean records! We would’ve passed the security checks just fine, and Deacon could’ve pushed the paperwork through on his side . . . Or here’s an idea! Maybe we wouldn’t have even needed to go in as prisoners or guards if you’d just called Beth and had her have Cas drop us in there . . . I still don’t understand why you sent him to be with her when we have Heaven trying to track us down, but if you didn’t want to use him, we could’ve come up with something better than what we did.” 

Yeah, well, he didn’t want to use Cas for anything . . . That angel followed everything Beth told him to do, and Dean had felt like Cas was babysitting him. Besides, how long would it have taken for him and Sam to get jobs at the prison? “11 people died because we were in Hell when Deacon tried calling the first time. Would’ve only been 4 if we’d been able to pick up back then. Couldn’t afford to wait any longer.” 

Sam’s phone started ringing, and he turned away from Dean to answer it. Must be Beth. “Yeah, okay . . . We’re in the clear. Where . . . Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” 

“Well, that was short and sweet. She say why she didn’t do the salt and burn?” 

Sam looked out the window in frustration before saying, “What was it you said about the vampires in Colorado? She only let us see her, because we screwed up and needed her help in getting out of it, but she wasn’t on our team anymore. That’s why she didn’t do the salt and burn . . . especially because she hates digging up graves.” 

_She doesn’t think she’s on our team, so now we’re on our own? That’s just fucking awesome._ “She say anything about –“ 

Sam turned to face him and said, “You have a phone. Stop asking me what she’s doing and use it.” 

All Dean wanted to know was if Cas was with her. He hadn’t been with her at the prison, and when Dean asked her where her partner was, all she’d said was that he was home. Home? Were they making a nice, little, cozy home for themselves somewhere or was she out on the road hunting by herself and having Cas stay at her Dad’s place, because neither one of those reasons were why he let the angel go with her. She needed back up from someone. That’s it.

Dean didn’t even know what hunts she’d been on or if she was hunting, because Sam wouldn’t tell him. Why had she been in Cicero? He’d look into it when they got where they were staying tonight, so he could see if she was working a case or just passing through there on her way somewhere else. This was so frustrating. The whole idea of being away from her was to figure out where his head was, and it wasn’t working. He kept wondering what she was doing and where she was. As far as he was concerned, they were still together and just taking some time apart, but now he thought maybe he should’ve said that, and he should’ve probably told her the reason he’d left Cas there instead of sending Cas back into the motel room to look for something and taking off without him.

“She know of any –“ Sam cut him off with a glare, and Dean slumped a little in his seat. Yeah, Sam was right. He should just call her himself. Now he wondered if she’d pick up. She would if he used Sam’s phone. Maybe he’d get it off of Sam tonight. “Do you know of any other hunts in the area?” 

That earned Dean an annoyed bitch face. “How would I know? I’ve been in prison for the last few days.” 

_How long is he going to hold onto this?_ “I wasn’t in that bank on my own, and I seem to remember you pulling your gun too.” 

“Of course I was there. You’re my brother. Do you think I’m going to let you do something stupid like that without me being there with you?” 

Yeah, Dean would do the same thing for Sam. He should probably think about where he was leading Sam though. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He inadvertently looked in the back seat to see what Beth was doing and got annoyed with himself when he remembered she wasn’t there, so he flipped on the radio and turned it up loud to drown everything else out.

Sam got a call later that night and turned the radio down. Or Dean thought it was Sam’s phone until Sam said it wasn’t his. Dean checked his phone. Wasn’t his. Must be one of their Dad’s in the glove box. Dean listened in on the conversation when Sam answered. Sounded interesting. They were free now, so whatever it was, they could take it. 

What was the first thing Sam did after he hung up? Fill him on it? Nah, why would he do that if he could call somebody else and say, “Hey, uh, did you know Dad has a storage place in . . . yeah, Buffalo . . . How do I know about it? How do you know about it? Oh . . . Somebody just broke into it. Do you want to . . . Yeah, okay . . . cursed rabbit’s foot, so don’t touch it . . . Okay . . . I’ll keep an eye out for her . . . That won’t happen . . . Okay, if it does, I won’t let any women hit on me. I’ll keep them at least 3 feet . . . You’re hilarious . . . I’ll keep an eye out for other hunters too . . . and Bela Talbot . . . I won’t let her see him . . . I’m telling you that won’t happen. We’re not idiots . . . Okay, if it does, I’ll make sure we keep a hold of any scratch tickets we win . . . don’t leave the foot or the tickets in our pockets, or she’ll swipe them . . . yeah, I got it . . . we won’t . . . I already said . . . You know you could just meet us there, so you can protect us from the international thief . . . okay . . . have fun in L.A . . . I’m not saying . . . All right fine. I’ll try not to have a bad day at Black Rock.” 

Sam hung up and looked at his phone. “We have to go to Buffalo, New York. Apparently, Dad had a storage container there, and it was broken into . . . I guess there are some things there we might want to see, but the thing that was taken was a cursed rabbit’s foot. As long as you have it, your luck is great, but the foot doesn’t want to stay with you long, and as soon as you lose it, you’re luck turns and keeps getting worse until your dead . . . We need to call Bobby and ask him how to destroy it before we get there. He has some ritual that should work. Something about burning it at night in a cemetery with cayenne pepper, bone ash, and she doesn’t know what else . . . Once we get the rabbit’s foot, we should just go back to the motel room until it gets dark, so we don’t lose it . . . if I touch it for some reason, like in a fight with the guys who took it, we’re not supposed to go to a Biggerson’s, and we’re not supposed to let anyone into our room, and I’m not to let the rabbit’s foot out of my hand for any reason, because the woman who had it stolen from Dad’s lock up . . . Bela Talbot . . . she’ll try and take it back, and she’s supposed to be good at picking pockets. We’re not supposed to go anywhere near this woman . . . She sold her soul in a crossroads deal a little over 9 years ago, so she’s desperate to do whatever she has to do to get out of it, including throwing you under the bus, since Hell is probably looking for you . . . What else? Uh, oh, yeah, hunters might be onto us, so . . . we need to watch for them too.” 

Maybe they should just let this one go if this British chick might sell him out to the nearest demon to get out of her fucking deal. As of right now, all she wanted to do was sell a rabbit’s foot to some rich asshole. Maybe they should let her . . . except their Dad locked it up for a reason, and whoever she sold it to would probably die, and even if they didn’t, maybe they might use it against somebody else who would die. They needed to fix this. They’d just have to play it the way Beth said and keep a low profile.

Something about Sam knowing all of that felt so wrong. It felt like Dean was the one who was supposed to know whatever it was Beth knew about the future. “Why’d she tell you all that, and not me?” 

Sam shook his head, looked out the window, and breathed out a laugh. “Maybe it’s because I’m the one who called her.” 

_Smart ass._ “Well, why’s she going to L.A. instead of New York if she’s worried about this British chick? Is she –“ 

Grabbing Dean’s phone, Sam held it up in front of Dean’s face, and said, “Ask Beth. I’m not your go between.” 

Well, he kind of was. He did just call Beth in front of him. Could’ve just said, ‘Dad has a storage container rented in Buffalo, and somebody broke into it. We need to go there,’ and Dean would’ve gone, but no Sam just had to call Beth first. “Yeah, but is she going to see Paige or work a case or –“ 

Sam looked like he was going to either throw Dean’s phone at him or out the window, and then he finally sighed and said, “She’s working a case. I don’t think she wants to see anybody right now . . . She mostly just wants to be on her own and do her own thing, so I don’t think she’s going to see Paige either.” 

“Well, why does she –“ 

Sam turned on the radio to drown him out. Right. Dean could call her if he wanted to find out . . . Or he could research it and see what she might be investigating when they got to a motel.

\------------------

Storming out of the apartment, Dean bellowed, “Thought we agreed to wear gloves! What the hell happened in there?” 

Sam looked down at the rabbit’s foot in his hand. “It was this or let him shoot me in the face. I thought I’d give it a try. Bobby already told us how to get rid of it. All we have to do is stay in our motel room until tonight.” 

Dean shook his head and pulled open the door of the Impala saying, “When are things ever that easy for us?” 

Sam shrugged and answered, “I don’t know . . . As long as I keep ahold of it, I don’t see the problem.” 

Yeah, well . . . Dean was keeping an eye out for anyone that might be following he and Sam, just in case. No stops along the way. Just go straight to the motel, and that was where they were staying until they got rid of the damn thing. They passed a gas station and Sam asked if Dean wanted to get any scratch cards. “Why would I want to do that?" 

Sam looked a little surprised and laughed. “Are you kidding me? I have a lucky rabbit’s foot. Beth said we won –“ 

“So? What does it matter? We’re not going to –“ 

“46 grand is what she said we were up before it was stolen the last time!” 

_Who cares?_ They were only going to be in this life for 9 ½ more months, and then it was off to live in what sounded like a godawful post-Apocalyptic wasteland where there was no money. “No money where we’re going when this is all over, Sammy.” 

Sam sat back in his seat and shook his head in disbelief. “And you don’t want to know what it feels like to blow that kind of cash in 9 ½ months? You should be all over this. From what I heard, you were all over this the last time, and you knew you . . . Is that what this is? You’ve already been to Hell, and now you don’t care about anything or want to have fun or be you? I’m pretty sure that –“ 

Dean took Sam’s phone away from him before he could call Beth and tattle on him. “I’m fine, Sam . . . I’m just tired of screwing things up, so if making sure we survive this means doing exactly what Beth says, that’s what I’m gonna do. What good is 46 grand going to do me if you’re dead? Just keep that thing in your hand, and don’t let go of it for any reason.” 

Should’ve listened to her when she said not to leave the barn and then he wouldn’t have been sent to Hell . . . He didn’t remember the last time he got sent there, but at least it was for a reason. It had a purpose. Sam got to live because of what he did, but this time . . . Dean wound up in Hell with no warning . . . didn’t even know he was in Hell. At least the last time, he apparently had a year to get used to the idea . . . didn’t have that this time. 

And now they had to keep the rabbit’s foot away from a professional thief that would definitely want to collect on a bounty for his head if the bounty meant getting out of her contract. Dean wasn’t gonna chance going to Hell again. He may not end up with Alistair, but he’d end up with some other demon. He knew he couldn’t trek across Hell with his family again without being able to fight back. He didn’t know how he did it this time. 

The tunnels had been one thing but being in the free-for-all they went around after the tunnels was another thing entirely. He’d wanted to rip those things limb from limb. He’d felt like he’d needed to set this thing inside of him loose on those demons, and he hadn’t been able to do it. If he got sent back now, Dean thought he might love the idea of taking out everything he was feeling out on something else. But if that happened, the seals would start breaking on the cage to release Lucifer. He couldn’t chance that either. He’d happily throw 46 grand away if it meant none of those things happened, and if it meant that he could finish out these 9 months with everyone in his family still alive.


	75. Radio Silent

_’U R clear on Bela. Stay in motel until 2nite.’_

Sam looked at the text again before he put his phone on silent and texted back. _”What did you do?’_

It’d be so much easier if Dean hadn’t picked up what they needed off of that list Bobby gave them before they even got to New York. Dean could be out doing that instead of sitting there doing nothing on the laptop just across the room from him. When Sam got another text through a few minutes later, he turned his back to Dean to read it, but he didn’t think it really mattered, because Dean’s full focus was on the laptop. _’Gave her an offer she couldn’t refuse.’_ What kind of an offer? Before Sam could respond, he got another text through. _’Couldn’t make L.A. Think you guys could take it?’_

Obviously she hadn’t done it if she was here in New York. _’Why can’t you do it?’_

He was expecting something a little more in response than _’Busy.’_ He didn’t get a chance to reply again before she texted a follow up. _’Have to go radio silent for a while.’_

That was unacceptable, so Sam texted back, _‘Not up for debate.’_ He would track her down, drag her back here, and lock her up in a room with Dean, so the two of them could work this out before he let her go off on her own without anyone knowing where she was going or what she was doing. 

It seemed like she knew what he was thinking, because a few minutes later he got a reply. _’1 text a day. No phone calls.’_

It’d be better if she stopped getting the prepaid phones she always insisted on buying and upgraded to a decent phone. Then he could ask for a picture or something to verify that she was alive and well . . . maybe with a newspaper in front of her, so he knew the date. At the very least, he’d be able to keep track of her through her GPS if she had an upgraded phone, but her Dad had it drilled into her head that she had to stay as far off the grid as she could. _’2 texts a day. 1 in am. 1 in pm. 1 has to say where u r. 1 call a week to confirm.’_

Anyone could text him and pretend to be her. He might not even be texting with her now. Sam needed to hear her voice at least once a week, so he knew she was all right. He really should see her once in a while to be sure she was okay, but she could call him if she was in trouble, or she could pray to Cas and have him help her if she was in trouble. And then there was God. She should be okay. He wasn’t sure why she had to go radio silent though. That made it seem like what she was doing was really dangerous.

_’Deal. L.A.?’_

Yeah, they could do it. Dean seemed to want to stay busy anyway. _’We’ll take it.’_

Sam wondered if that was it, but it wasn’t. _’Thanks. Take care of Dean. I think Cas is lonely. Bring him with you, please.’_

She never said please. She either told people what to do when she was in the middle of a hunt, or she conned people to get what she wanted, but she never said please. _’Funkytown or something stuck on your shoe?’_

She quickly responded to that one. _’No gun. No tail. Just please take care of Cas. For me.’_

Okay. She knew what those codewords meant, and she got back fast enough that he didn’t think she was telling somebody else how to respond for her. It was probably her. Sam guessed that it meant a lot to her to have them looking after Cas. If that’s what she needed, he’d do it. _’I promise.’_

Sam waited for a few more minutes, but didn’t get anything else, so he put the phone away. He wanted his laptop back. Dean was probably just getting it all virus-infested looking up porn. If they were going to be stuck in this room for a few more hours, then Sam wanted to get a head start on looking into this hunt in California.

The first thing Dean did when he saw Sam standing next to him was escape out of whatever it was he was looking at on the screen. That wasn’t suspicious at all. Then Dean stopped Sam from complaining about him using his laptop for porn or asking what he was looking up by checking to make sure Sam still had the rabbit’s foot. Sam held it up, so that Dean could see the he was still palming it. 

Without any further hesitation, Dean got up to give Sam the chair and said something about ordering pizza. Sam took a good hard look at the rabbit’s foot in his hand and thought that it was such a waste for him to have it and not do anything with it. Normally, he wouldn’t want anything to do with something like this, but he had it, so why not use it for good while he did? 

Maybe it was less about him wanting to get something out of it and more about Dean. Dean should be over the moon about being able to get as much free stuff as they could. “Let me make the call. I wanna try something,” Sam said while he looked up the number for a pizza delivery place on his computer. “I’ll get it when they come too.” 

Dean shrugged and laid down on the other bed, so he could lazily flip through the channels on the TV and waited until after Sam made the call to say, “Maybe I should get the door. What if that Bela chick goes incognito as a pizza delivery woman and takes that rabbit’s foot off of you?” 

Dean being overly cautious on everything was going to get old really fast. That’s just not who Dean was. Sam wanted his badass big brother back who loved life and all the small things in it. “Not a problem. Beth took care of it.” 

He shouldn’t have mentioned Beth, because the first thing Dean did was sit up and ask what she did. “I don’t know what she did, but she said she gave her an offer she couldn’t refuse.” 

Dean got to his feet and started pacing. “Did she put a horse head in her bed? An offer? What does that mean? A Beth for me kind of thing?” 

There’s no way she put a horse head in the woman’s bed. “Well, she likes animals, so I’m guessing she didn’t kill a horse to make a point.” 

Dean failed to see the humor in that. “You think Beth killed her?” 

Sam found the humor in that whether Dean intended for it to be there or not and laughed before he said, “No, I don’t think she killed her. There are cops and courts to deal with people like Bela now, and I don’t know how bad Bela is, but I doubt she’s bad enough for Beth to kill anyway. She’s a high class thief." 

Dean continued to pace and then replied, “So, a trade . . . her for me. A high class thief looking to get out of a crossroads deal could maybe use some help from angels.” 

_’How did he get that from anything I said?’_

“I don’t think Beth traded –“ 

Dean abruptly turned to face Sam and said, “What else did Beth say?” 

“Nothing.” There was no way Sam was going to tell Dean what else she’d said. 

Dean seemed unsure and then said, “Let me see your phone. I wanna talk to her.” 

Crap. Dean was either going to look at his texts or try to call her and flip out if he couldn’t get ahold of her. “What’s wrong with your phone.” 

Dean paused at that, like he hadn’t thought Sam was hiding anything, but now he definitely did. “Why can’t I use yours?” 

There was a knock on the door before Sam had to come up with an answer. Saved by the bell. That couldn’t be the pizza already could it? Maybe. 

Sam went to the door to answer it just in case, and the pizza guy said there was some kind of a mix up, and he was in the area, so he had a free pizza they could have. They guy even said he’d cancel their order for them. After Sam gave the pizza guy a tip, he realized that the guy gave him too much change back for his 20. There was good luck, and then there was being a jerk. He didn’t want to screw the guy out of his tips, so he went after him to make it right, and on the way back to the room, found a gold watch lying on the ground near the gutter. 

Looking around, Sam had no idea who would be wearing something like this in this neighborhood. Maybe it came from some rich guy cheating on his wife with hookers or something. If that’s how it ended up here, he was all right with keeping it. Maybe he should try online gambling if they weren’t going to go with scratch tickets. 

Dean got impatient waiting for Sam to come back inside. As soon as the door shut behind him, Dean asked if Sam still had the foot. Dean was being way too overbearing on this. Sam held it up for Dean to see and then gave him the gold watch he’d found before he went back over to the table with the pizza. The watch was something shiny, so maybe it’d take Dean’s attention off of what they’d been – “Why can’t I use your phone, Sam?” 

Sam closed his eyes and sighed before he picked up a piece of pizza and sat next to his laptop . . . online gambling sounded pretty good right about now. Picking up his phone, Sam tried to suppress a smile at his run of good luck before he tossed his phone to Dean and said, “Battery’s dead. Why can’t you use yours?” 

Dean relaxed a little before he went back over to sit on the bed. “Not sure she’ll answer it if I call.” 

“Why wouldn’t she answer?” Dean declined to explain. Maybe Sam should come clean. He couldn’t let Dean call her and think that the reason she wasn’t picking up was because Dean was the one calling. If that happened, he might end up with a drunken mess of a brother again. While Dean stared at his phone and contemplated calling her, Sam set up an online account. “She may not answer, but it’s not because you’re the one calling. She won’t pick up for me either . . . She’s gone radio silent.” Sam focused on what he was doing, and listened to the silence that followed his statement until whatever slot machine game he’d decided to play started flashing to let him know he’d won. Exhaling a laugh, he said, “I just won 2500 on this online slot machine.”

“So what? How are you going to get the money from it, Sam?” 

“I used my savings account from Stanford.” When Dean didn’t say anything, Sam followed it up with, “My head wasn’t in the right place to close it down before we left. I guess it comes in pretty handy now.” 

Sam was in the middle of winning another 700 on the next game he played when Dean said, “You know we’re fugitives, right? You can’t collect on that account. They’re probably looking into stuff like. You’re just leaving a paper trail, and they’re gonna be able to track us down now.” 

“Not as long as I have this rabbit’s foot.” 

“We’re getting rid of it tonight, Sam . . . end of. Anything you win now won’t hit your accounts for a few days.” 

“Maybe not. Maybe something lucky happened, and it’s being processed now. We could see if my bank has a branch here.” 

Sam glanced at Dean when Dean didn’t respond right away, and Dean said, “And leave this room? Anything could happen to us between here and the bank. These hunters that are after you might run into us or something.” 

“Nah, that’d be bad luck. I won’t have any of that with this.” 

Dean had an argument for that too. “We still found the guys who took that thing even with one of them having it, and then we got it. Same thing could happen to us. We’re staying here, and we’re writing off that money. You can waste your time gambling if you want, or you can do something useful and tell me what else Beth said. Where she is, or why’s she going radio silent?” 

Sam dragged his attention away from the fact that he was 6700 up now and said,“You don’t want to call her, but you’re okay with tracking her down and seeing her face to face?” 

“That’s different. It’s harder for her to ignore me if I’m standing right in front of her.” 

What? Sam paused and looked at Dean. “Have you been trying and not getting through?” Dean looked like he wasn’t going to answer, and then went with a reluctant shake of his head before he looked down at his knees, so Sam quickly replied, “You’re the one who left her! She told you the door would always be open . . . If anything’s holding you up, it’s you, not her . . . Well, it wasn’t until she decided to do whatever it is she’s doing. She didn’t tell me what that is by the way . . . I gave her conditions. I told her she has to text twice a day to check in, and one of those times, she has to tell me where she is . . . and she has to talk to me on the phone once a week, so I can confirm that she’s the one that’s been using her phone. Maybe the next time she calls, you should answer it.” 

Dean took a deep breath before he slumped. “Yeah, all right . . . She say anything else?” 

Sam logged out of his account and answered, “She wants us to take the case she was going to do in LA, but I don’t know what it was, and she wants us to pick up Cas on the way there. She thinks he’s lonely. She made me promise I’d take care of you and him.”

Sam decided to start looking into things Beth might’ve wanted to check out in Los Angeles, and Dean said, “Horror movie got shut down a few months back. There were too many deaths on set.” 

So, Dean had already been researching it. It must’ve been what he was looking up when Sam came over here to use the laptop. Dean just hadn’t wanted him to know he was checking up on her. “How’d you know that’s the one she was going to do?” 

Dean shrugged. “A cursed movie that gets shut down in the middle of production? That’s right up her alley . . . and mine actually, but uh . . . not sure if we’ll have time to pick Cas up. A new movie’s set to start filming in the same studio in a few days.” 

Actually, this was the perfect time for Cas to join them. Maybe if Dean worked out whatever issues he had with Cas, he’d start acting like himself more. Sam didn’t really understand why Dean was mad at Cas anyway. Okay, maybe Cas knocked Dean out in Hell, and maybe Cas did keep putting him back in that barn, but Cas also trekked through Hell to help them get Dean back . . . It wasn’t really fair to Cas, because he was being punished for being loyal to Beth and trying to protect Dean. Speaking of Cas . . . Sam decided to pray to Cas and tell them where they were, so Cas could meet them here. It saved them the trip to go pick Cas up, and now Dean didn’t have any excuses to keep Cas away . . . unless he decided to leave Cas behind somewhere. Sam guessed that it was his job to keep that from happening.


	76. Making Deals and Playing Games

“I’d forget about the rabbit’s foot if I were you, Bela.” Bela, dressed as a cleaning lady, slowly turned to face me and was greeted with the barrel of my HK P30. She’d just been coming out of one of the supply closets with a cleaning cart, so I put the duffle I was carrying on top of it and nodded for her to open it. While she unzipped it I said, “I know that foot is worth 1.5 to you. I was in Nevada when I got the call and decided to make a quick stop in Vegas to pick that up. It was short notice, or I would’ve hit more than one casino to get you more 500 grand.” She knew how to play the game. She didn’t even have to ask to know there was more that I was willing to offer her. She just waited for me to sweeten the deal, so I did, “Was kind of hoping getting you out of your crossroads deal would be worth a million to you.” 

She flashed me a smile, but before she could deny it, I stopped her. “I know your contract is almost up, Abby. I know you signed your soul away when you were a kid to the little girl with red eyes on the swing, so she’d take care of your parents for you, especially your Dad.“ 

Her smile fell. “How do you –“ She composed herself, picked up the bag of cash, and I stepped back before she could brush past me. One pickpocket to another, I wasn’t letting her get anywhere near me. “They can keep it. Won’t do them much good. The tall one’s already touched it.” 

_Yeah, I know. I saw them walk out of the apartment where they got it._ “I’m not a demon, and that wasn’t really an offer . . . me sorting out your contract. I wanna do it. I can do it. I’m going to do it. Just leave them alone . . . no contact with them from here on out. If you’re attempting to acquire something, and you happen to see them going for the same thing. Drop it.” 

She stopped walking and hesitated before she turned back with that flashy smile again. “Do you have any idea how much money I could be out if I start turning down jobs for a couple of hunters?” 

_A lot, I’m guessing?_ “Small price to pay to stay out of Hell. It isn’t a place you want to go. I should know. I just got back from there.” 

She walked back towards me, laughing a charming laugh, and said, “You really expect me to believe that you just came back from Hell?” 

_Not really._ “I don’t really care if you do or not. I could tell you where the doorway is and the password, but you’d probably use it to try and find some useless artifact there that some rich asshole would pay you a lot of money to obtain . . . or you might try to steal my dog.” 

She relaxed a little to come across as more conversational and said, “Dog?” 

“He goes by Cerebus.” 

Her eyes narrowed a little while she considered it, and then she inhaled sharply before saying, “Did you really get this cash from a Casino in Vegas?” 

_Yeah. I just went for the one I knew._ “Yeah, the Luxor.” 

She pulled out her phone and called some number. I guess she wanted to check out my story. She probably had contacts everywhere that knew stuff like that. I stood around for a couple of minutes while I waited for her to get confirmation that the Luxor was down 500 grand. They weren’t making it public knowledge, and they didn’t know how it went missing, but she got her confirmation.

When the call was finished, she hung up and said, “What do I call you?” 

I could go with a fake name, but if she consulted her Ouija board about me, she’d find out anyway. “If you’re going by Bela, I think I might go by Beth.” 

She gave me something of a genuine smile and said, “Well, Beth, I don’t do partners. It’s too messy, but . . . I could use your help on something I’m working. If you help me pull it off, I’ll leave them alone, and I’ll split it with you 80/20.” 

Is this where I was supposed to negotiate to something like 60/40? “Don’t bother splitting it with me. Just pay for my hotel, plane tickets if it’s a long distance, and any gear I might need . . . It makes it less messy if I don’t actually want the money, right?” 

She looked like she thought I was trying to scam her. In fact she said, “If you try to double-cross me on –“ 

“I won’t. I have no use for money. All I need are the things I said. That’s it . . . and maybe roundtrip tickets to Scotland after this job is over and help with customs, so I can get to work on getting you out of your deal.” 

She tipped her head in the direction she’d been going to indicate I should come with her, so I did, and then she said, “What do you need in Scotland?” 

_Demon bones of the second most powerful demon in Hell now that Alistair has been incapacitated._ “If I told you that, you’d have no need for me . . . or our deal . . . I’m hoping that holds true on this job you want me to do with you, so you don’t make me the fall guy or get me to touch a cursed object for you.” 

For now, it looked like we had something of a loose alliance, but there is no honor amongst thieves, so I didn’t hold out much hope that she wouldn’t try to screw me over at some point. I wouldn’t do that to her. It wasn’t just because I wanted her to leave Sam and Dean alone. I actually did want to save her too.

\-----------------

Withholding the leather pouch that contained what I’d just stolen for Bela, I said, “What does this do? Nobody’s going to get killed, because I took it, right? I mean if they are, you should tell me, so I can go back in there and save them.” 

Bela rolled her eyes, muttered, “Hunters,” and then held her hand out. “Whatever damage was done to this family happened a long time ago . . . if anything you’re helping release them from a curse.” 

“And you’re selling it on to someone else who can curse somebody else with it?” 

She smiled, and now it was my turn to roll my eyes before I handed it to her. “Fine, but I’m going to find out who buys this, and then I’m going to find out who they curse with it, so I can get rid of it . . . don’t worry. It won’t get tied back to you.” She hesitated and then turned, so we could get out of there. 

I was a little unsure about why she’d decided to stay out here to act as a distraction. I’d said that before I went into the poorly kept mansion, and all she’d said was that her Ouija board told her that’s where I was best suited. “So, how long do I have before I have to take a shower and wash off whatever invisible thing I got dosed with in there that only you know about, or . . . before I have to figure out a counter curse or whatever?” 

She looked down at me over her shoulder and said, “Wow. You really don’t trust me, do you?” 

_Nope._ “Would you? I mean there is no way that you trust me. We’re cut from the same cloth as far as talents go, except I use them to fight evil, and you use them to profit from it . . . No honor amongst thieves and all that. I’m a little surprised you haven’t tried to take anything of mine since the first night.” 

She smiled and looked away from me. “I think I learned my lesson about going through your stuff when I found your short sword at my throat.” 

I’d already had my stuff sitting in the back seat of her car after I’d confronted her at the motel. Before I’d even stopped her from going in as the maid, I’d broken into it to see what kind of surprises I might encounter if I rode with her, like poisoned magic powder in her air vent that would shoot out at me when she turned on the air conditioning, but I hadn’t find anything. That night she’d had me stay at her place, and I knew I had some pretty expensive ceremonial blades that she might want, not to mention my angel blade, so I’d slept with my angel blade and kept my weapons bag under my bed behind my clothes bag. I woke up her to trying to have a look and might’ve instantly pulled my angel blade on her. 

“That wouldn’t stop me if I wanted something, so I doubt it’d stop you. I’m thinking that you had someone look through my bag while I was in that mansion, or maybe you did it yourself, so you could take what you wanted the one time I haven’t had my bag on me. You can keep the ceremonial axe if that’s what you were after. I don’t like axes as weapons . . . I only use it to chop things down . . . but I want whatever else you took back, and I want to know what I let myself be exposed to back in that house when I was procuring the package.” 

Bela stopped dead in her tracks, and instead of denying what I’d said, turned to look at me almost in disgust. “You use it to chop things down? Do you have any idea what it’s worth?” 

I laughed and said, “I don’t care what it’s worth. I just care about it being reliable when I’m in a burning building and need to get out or if I need to cut a tree down . . . I’ll never use it to hurt anything . . . actually, I want that back too . . . I don’t want anyone using it to kill a baby, so they can feed the axe and make it strong enough to raise the dead, have power over the dead, or kill the dead.” 

She rolled her eyes and said, “Too late . . . the buyer came to pick it up while you were inside, and . . . my Ouija board said that you were the best one to get past the supernatural safe where this was hidden within the time frame we had.” 

Yeah, once you broke a hole in the wall where that curse bag was hidden, there were all kinds of curses that were up around the bag. I guess they were to make sure it stayed there. It would’ve been good to know that before I went in there. It’d taken a lot of sigils to get around the curses, and the only reason I knew some of them was because of my research in Heaven. 

_God, can I have my things back in my bag before we get to the car? I really don’t want anyone to use them to kill anybody else._

As soon as we were in the car, I checked to make sure I had my stuff back and pulled my ceremonial axe out of my bag. “Well, would you look at that?” She looked annoyed and said something about her reputation, so I shrugged while I checked to make sure everything else was there. “Buyer beware has to have more meaning in your line of work, right? Still might be a good idea for us to get out of here . . . and if whoever bought it blames you, just say that you heard there was more than one person looking to buy it, so someone like you must’ve stolen it from them . . . Do you have those plane tickets to Scotland for me?” 

Bela checked her pockets to make sure I hadn’t taken back the cursed object I’d just stolen for her and said, “Do I even want to know how you got those things back?” 

_I’m sure you’d love to know how I got this stuff back._ “Trade secret. I’m sure you have plenty of those yourself. Ask your Ouija board, but I doubt that it can tell you much about me.” 

Putting her car in revers, Bela muttered, “No, and believe me, I’ve tried.” 

As far as I could tell, the only thing her Ouija board had been able to tell her was that I had indeed just come back from Hell. Other than that, she’d gotten nada. If psychics couldn’t see into my past in my old life, I’m guessing God protected me from stuff like spirits knowing information they shouldn’t in this life too. As long as they didn’t tell her I was North Star . . . a name she might’ve come across in her many travels, I should be all right. 

“But I do know my spirit guides seem to think that you can do what you said as far as my deal goes, so . . . I’m not getting you plane tickets. I’m going to let you use my private jet, and I’m coming with you.” Before I could protest, she added, “Do I look like a damsel in distress to you? I know how to look after myself. If you’re serious about this, then I am going to be a part of it.” Yeah, okay. We were cut from the same cloth . . . opposite sides of it maybe, but the same cloth. 

\----------------------

“What do you mean, it’s my turn?” 

I looked down at the hole I’d started and said, “You’re taller than me, so you’ll have an easier time getting out of there, and I need to be up here in case we get any unexpected surprises, since I’m the one who knows how to deal with demons.” Jumping down into the hole, Bela shook her head while she picked up the shovel, so I smiled and said, “I thought grave robbing would fall within the purview of your job description.” 

She stomped on the shovel, so she could get a scoop of dirt and said, “I usually just pay some neanderthals to do this part.” 

If I worked alone and had the money to do that, I would. “I thought you weren’t a damsel in distress.” 

She threw a shovel of dirt out of the grave in my general direction and said, “Using my brain to not have to do things like this doesn’t make me a damsel. And you’re not fooling me. What you just said was too well rehearsed. I think you probably say it or something like it all the time to get out of having to do this.” 

I smiled again, because she was right. “Maybe . . . give me blood and guts and mud any day of the week over digging a grave. I do have something of a height disadvantage, but I could scale out of there with little to no problems. I just hate how when I get to a certain point, I end up flinging the dirt back over my head when I try to throw it out of the hole . . . it’s counter-productive, and I hate being counter-productive. That and it takes twice as much work for me to lift the dirt high enough to throw out of there, so I get people taller than me to do it . . . but the people I have do it work with me, so they do it for free. We can’t hire anyone for this . . . we have to do it ourselves. There are more eyes and ears out there in the world than probably even you know . . . For this to work, it has to be completely off the books.” 

She flung more dirt out of the grave and said, “So, are you going to tell me why we’re doing this? Is there some artifact that we can trade?” 

I still wasn’t going to tell her, but I’d been giving her small clues the more time I’d spent with her. “We have to do a carrot and stick kind of negotiation. This is the stick.” 

When we got back to the States, Bela helped me find a safe house where we could set up, but before I did the summoning, she stopped me. “I have to know what it is we’re doing here. There’s trouble, and then there’s trouble. Demons aren’t the kind of trouble I seek out.” 

I didn’t buy that for a second. “I doubt that. My guess is you’ve summoned demons plenty of times over the years to try and find ways out of your deal, a deal, I personally don’t think you should’ve ever been held accountable for keeping. I think you were well below the age of consent for something like that when you made it. Kids, even well educated kids, are idiots. That’s why I want to help you. Well, that and so you’ll leave my friends alone.” 

She looked at the devil’s trap in front of us and said, “I’ve never summoned one to threaten them . . . how powerful is this demon?” 

“As of right now, the second most powerful demon in Hell, but the kind of power he has isn’t physical strength so much as it’s his ability to trade in secrets and quietly climb the ladder from the shadows. He’s smart. He’s a deal maker. He’s hidden from the annals of demon history, so you wouldn’t be able to find him if you looked, and how successful have your negotiations been so far without threatening them?” She nodded her consent, but still seemed unsure. I didn’t have to prove it to her now. I could explain things after we got the ball rolling on this, so I did the summoning and stood back from the devil’s trap as soon as I was done.

Crowley looked pretty annoyed right off the bat. “There are better ways to get my attention than having me pulled out of a negotiation.” 

He looked the same. It never ceased to amaze me how everyone in these timelines looked exactly the same. “I think this is one meeting you won’t want to miss, Crowley. I have a proposition for you.” Feigning boredom, he waved his hand for me to continue, so I said, “I’m sure you’ve heard rumblings about the first seal and how the man who needs to be broken to break it is walking around now. I’m also sure that you know that your boss, Lilith, is pretty excited by the prospect of finally getting Lucifer out of his cage . . . I know that as of right now, you hold the second position on the Crossroads demon ladder . . . I could help you get to the top and make it impossible for Lilith to ever be used as the final seal, so Lucifer will never be released. Hell could be yours . . . Crowley, the King of Hell, has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” 

I’d gotten his attention. He started to say, “North –“ and I immediately stopped him. 

“I am who you think I am, and I can do what you think I can, so let me just say . . . So help me God, if you call me that, I’ll –“ 

“No need to go there . . . We can keep this a civil chat. What should I call you?” 

Yeah, that’s what I’d thought. He already knew about me being able to get in touch with God. If he knew this early on, it meant that he’d known all about me long before Sam ever started colluding with him. What he hadn’t known was how I was able to make contact with God or if he could use it to his advantage. It’s why he’d kept asking me if I knew how to get in touch with God during his interrogation in St. Louis. It was a test to see if the beatings shook anything loose on that as much as it was trying to find the tablets. 

Maybe he’d thought the memories for one would return with the other, but getting in touch with God didn’t require me even knowing what I was doing. Lucky for him, I didn’t say, ‘God,’ and bitch about how I wanted him dead or anything that was even remotely close to wishing him gone, because that’s all it would’ve taken for him to be wiped out . . . if Chuck didn’t have plans for Crowley and just decide to ignore me. Looking back on that whole incident now, I’d been so . . . clueless. 

Now that Crowley had seen me, and knew who I was, I’d go to the top of his wish list, but nothing like what happened in St. Louis would happen again. I was more seasoned now, and now he knew that I knew I could contact God. On top of that, I was hoping that my stick would be a big enough reason for him to stay at arms length from me if he knew what was good for him. 

“You can call me Beth.” 

He looked from me to Bela and said, “Abby, is it, or should I call you Bela? I didn’t make the deal myself, but it should be coming due sometime soon. I assume that’s what this is about?” 

Crowley looked back towards me for the confirmation, and I said, “Sorry to be so predictable, but that’s pretty much the idea.” 

“You won’t be able to trap Lilith as easily as this . . . She’s much too powerful.” 

I knew how powerful she was. “I wouldn’t worry about that. I have a few tricks up my sleeve. All I need from you is confirmation that as soon as Lilith is gone, you’ll release Bela from her contract. I also want you to keep this quiet, so Lilith doesn’t find out and have time to prepare. If you do those two things, Hell is yours for the taking. Tell the other demons you helped in Lilith’s downfall after the fact, so you can get the support you need to rise to the top, and like I said . . . with her gone, Lucifer will never be a problem for you.” He had to be chomping at the bit, but he didn’t want to come off that way, so he took some time to think about it before the contract came out. Crowley and his fucking contracts.

I snatched it from him and said, “I’m making addendums as I see fit,” before I went over to the table to go through it with a fine-tooth comb. I started marking them out one by one. “Getting my soul is out. Getting my help on anything whenever you see fit is out.” I continued going down the list. It seemed like this contract had been tailor made for me. A lot of it was for things, like not calling on higher powers to interfere with his operations or helping him with this or that. I marked them all out. If he wanted those things he was going to have to get them the hard way, not in a sneaky subsection of a contract. “Absolutely not . . . in no way, shape, or form, am I going to give you the location of those,” I said with a snort while I marked out him wanting me to give him the location of the tablets. 

“Why the bloody hell not? It’s not like you can get them for me anymore from what I can tell . . . What’s the harm in me knowing?” 

“Yeah, and I’m guessing that if anyone in Hell knows how to make someone capable of getting those items, it would be you.” 

Quickly trying to flatter me, he said, “You’re one of a kind. I don’t think anyone could make someone like you.” 

I sighed and shook my head while I scratched out the next thing on the list. “Well, they have . . . It may have only been a couple of times in the history of mankind, but they still have.” 

Then Crowley started saying, “Not one that could talk to – “ 

“You should show Bela a little more respect. Just because she hasn’t said anything in front of you, doesn’t mean that she’s not as slippery as you. The wheels are probably already turning to see if she can figure out what you’re talking about, so she can use it to her advantage . . . It’s in all of our best interest if she doesn’t.” 

Crowley turned his attention to Bela and said, “Perhaps we should team up. I have a lot of use for someone like you.” 

_Oh please._ Looked at Bela, I responded, “Any contracts he gives you to sign will always say in some small subsection in really tiny print that you’re signing your soul over to him, and you’ll be in the same mess you are again.” 

When I was done scratching out everything, except for the parts where I helped him get rid of his boss, where he said release Bela’s soul on completion of his boss being dead, and where he would keep this meeting confidential, I went back over to hand it back. If I didn’t add anything for me, I wouldn’t get blindsided by anything he did to get around what I wanted. Anything was up for grabs, and that was fine as long as I knew it. 

He wasn’t happy about the state of his contract. He was bitching about how much time had gone into preparing that, and I laughed. “You didn’t even know you were going to meet me until today, so I doubt you put much effort into this. I told you what you’re getting out of the deal. That’s all your getting, and maybe I’ll give you a little free information. I know where Abaddon is, and I know that when she comes back, she’ll want to take control of Hell back from you . . . It won’t happen for a few years, but I also know how to stop that from happening, so I could do that for you for free. I’d rather have you in charge of Hell, than Abaddon.” 

That was an easy one to prevent, and I didn’t even have to do anything. If Sam and Dean were the last blood ties to Henry and John, and if they were going home with me in about 9 months, Henry wouldn’t be showing up in this timeline again . . . except maybe in the past, but if that was going to happen, it would’ve already happened. Poor Henry might be lost in time, but at least him being gone would have meaning if Abaddon stayed out of this universe. In the TV show I saw, his death had no meaning as soon as she was put back together. Crowley didn’t need to know that. All he had to know was that I was sweetening the deal.

“All that leaves is the kiss, my Dear.” 

_Yeah, that’s not happening._ “I want a full work up . . . a clean bill of health confirming no illnesses of any kind, be it a cold, strep throat, an STD, cold sores, mono . . . anything. Oh, wait you can’t do that if you’re trapped here. Whatever shall we do, because I’m not kissing you without all of that?” 

Crowley watched me, because he knew the other shoe was about to drop. “No kiss, no deal.” 

I faked being annoyed and leaned closer until I was just outside the devil’s trap, so he’d think he was going to get his way, and then I stopped. My tone turned serious as I looked him in the eye and said, “How about this? I may not be able to smite you, but I have your bones, Fergus MacLeod of Canisbay, who sold his soul for a few extra inches, and I’ll salt and burn them if you try to fuck me over in any way . . . I’m the only one that knows where they are . . . so don’t go looking to Bela for them, since they’ve already been moved from where she last saw them . . . don’t go knocking on her door for help on anything, and if she wants your help on acquiring anything, you’d better run, because I’ll be keeping an eye on both of you, and I think we both know that I don’t have to be anywhere near those bones to make sure they go up in flames.” 

Crowley paused, and then took a step back as he said, “Well, it looks like we have a deal. I look forward to seeing you when you’ve upheld your end of it . . . Beth,” before I stepped back, scratched out the devil’s trap, and he disappeared. Should’ve thought of that in my timeline . . . asking God to burn Crowley’s bones after Cas disappeared, but then I guess I was under a lot of stress with that horrible Kansas camp, Cas being MIA, and being pregnant. It’d just completely slipped my mind and everyone else’s. I think maybe none of us was really into using this thing until the circumstances were way beyond our control back then. That was one way I’d been changed by living this life.

I turned back to look at Bela, and she said, “I take it that what you said was as much for me as it was for him.” 

_Yeah, I guess it was._ “If you need help finding something or acquiring it, ask me, and I’ll help you do it free of charge, but stay away from demons. I won’t hurt you, but I’ll kill any demons you contact, and if you think your reputation taking a knock with your clients is bad, I’d say getting a bad reputation with demons would be worse for you, since you’re not quite up to killing them.” 

“And you are?” 

“You could say that.” 

She took a deep breath and nodded. “So, what now?” 

“You go back to doing what you do, and I’ll get started on hunting the very first demon ever created. I’ll let you know when it’s over, so you can be there when -” 

“I seem to remember saying that I wasn’t a damsel in distress. If I’m in this, I’m in it . . . until I see my contract torn up. How else am I going to make sure it gets done properly?” 

_Fair enough._ “I don’t really expect it to take that long. We’ll need another place to set up. I don’t like using the same place twice, and I’ll need to make sure the proper safety precautions are put in place . . . I already know what I have to do with her . . . I just have one major concern about it.” 

Bela and I grabbed our stuff, and she asked me what that was. “Right now, she’s in Hell, so she probably won’t come to us in a meat suit. She’ll be more powerful in some ways and weaker in others, but I still think I can handle it. If she’s powerful enough to withstand the summoning ritual until she finds a meat suit . . . it might be a problem. She prefers to use children. Occasionally, she chooses someone older, but it’s pretty rare. I can kill her without killing the meat suit, but I don’t know if it’ll work on her, because of how powerful she is.” 

If Lilith came to me as a disembodied demon, I was sorted. I could use the killing exorcism, and killing her wasn’t a problem now, because the other seals hadn’t started breaking, so she’d be dying out of turn, and Lucifer wouldn’t get out. I’d maybe need Cas’s help . . . two angel blades against her was a surer bet, but if she came to us in a meat suit . . . I was going to ask Chuck if he could help out with that, but Chuck was all about free will. Even for demons. So, if Lilith wanted to pick a child to possess, he wouldn’t stop her . . . maybe if I said something, like, ‘let her only options for a meat suit be an adult,’ I’d have a better shot of it working. It still wasn’t appealing. I knew that if the killing exorcism didn’t work on her, I’d have to kill her with my angel blade, and I’d be trading that meat suit’s life for Bela’s soul in a way, but it was just as much about getting rid of Lilith and making sure that no matter what happened to Dean between now and the end of this journey, Lilith wouldn’t be around to break the other seals or be the final seal . . . one person’s life for all of that still wasn’t a morally right option, but if the killing exorcism didn’t work, it’s the only one we had. I guess I’d have to see how this played out.


	77. Alex and Rachel

“Wait a minute. You’re working with Alex and Rachel, aren’t you?” 

_Who the hell are Alex and Rachel?_ Dean quickly covered his confusion with a jovial, “Yep. Absolutely. We’re like this with them.” This old broad seemed to have a thing for Sam, so he let Sam take over on the questioning, while he tried to figure out what hunters might’ve gotten here before them. If it was anyone Gordon had any kind of contact with, they might be in for some trouble. Dean caught the tail end of what Gertrude was saying. “A boat?” _Ghost ship? Sounded kind of lame._ Dean watched the woman feeling up Sam’s hand and smirked. She wasn’t shy about what she wanted anyway.

They went to go check out the docks. Sam seemed to buy the whole ghost ship idea. If there were other players in town, it probably meant there was something to it . . . so did the number of on-land drownings that happened here every 37 years like clockwork. It’s not that Dean wasn’t convinced that it might be something. It’s just that he didn’t particularly care . . . it wasn’t that he didn’t care about the people this thing killed. He did. But a ghost ship? Yeah, seeing a three-mast clipper ship might be kind of cool, but a ghost ship? It just seemed lame with everything else they had going on right now. 

Sam finished filling him in on how they were going to have to narrow the ship down from 150 to 1, and Dean couldn’t think of anything he’d rather do less. Looking out over the water, he said, “Maybe we should let whoever else is in town take this one and move on.” 

“Why? Because they might have connections with Gordon?” Dean looked at Sam and shrugged, like it was obvious, and Sam shouted, “You know what? I’ve had it with you being overly cautious on everything, Dean! We’re hunters! This is what we do. I’m not going to run away scared everytime you think it’s too dangerous. If you don’t want to do this case, fine! I’ll just take Cas, and we can finish it without you. Leaving him behind in the motel room or house all time is going to stop too. You’re not even trying to give him a chance, and we wouldn’t have been able to make it through Cold Oak or Hell without him.” 

Dean turned and started walking back towards the car. “Yeah, well . . . until he tells us where he went last week, that’s where he’s staying.” 

Sam caught up to him and argued, “Do you even hear yourself? He’s a billion year old angel. You can’t just ground him to his room when he doesn’t tell you where he’s going or been.” 

Dean had thought he and Cas were making some progress the last month or so . . . They’d been just about where they had been when they were in Cold Oak, but then Cas took off for a couple of days, and Dean just knew Cas had been with Beth. She’d needed help on something she couldn’t do by herself, so she’d called in angel back up. He didn’t care how she sounded on the phone or what her texts to Sam said. She wasn’t giving them any details, so she could be up to anything, and if she needed help, why the hell hadn’t she called him? “Come on, Sam. We both know he took off to help Beth with something, and she’d only call him in if it was something big. I want know what the hell she’s doing, and I want to know why he won’t tell us. Maybe it’s out of some kind of loyalty to her, but if it’s something important, we should know about it, and if he won’t tell us, than he can’t be out in the field with us, because I don’t trust him.” 

“Yeah, well . . . I still think you’re going about it the wrong way.” See, Sam knew there was more to it and that it had to do with Beth too, or he wouldn’t have backed off just now.

Dean caught sight of a hot brunette, and straight away she annoyed him. “Hey, why the hell is that chick leaning on my car?” Sam told him to calm down, and Dean quickly retorted, “I just washed it! And what if she dents the door or scratches the paint.” 

Sam rolled his eyes and said, “Dean, we sit on the hood of the car all the time . . . I’m sure it’s fine. Just let me do all the talking. Maybe this is one of our other players in town.” Awesome. That’s so what they needed right now. “Hi, can I help you?” 

The woman smiled at Sam and said, “Are you offering?” 

Dean tried to brush off his annoyance by making a joke at Sam’s expense. “Maybe you should think about moving here, Sam . . . That’s two chicks in one day that’ve hit on you. For the record, I’m pulling for the old broad . . . least she doesn’t sit on other people’s cars, like she owns ‘em.” 

The woman uncrossed her arms and took step away from the Impala. Sam tried his best to smooth things over. “You’re Rachel, I presume . . . one of the ones working with the old lady?” 

The brunette breathed out a laugh. “You presume wrong. My name’s Alex.” 

Sam’s eyes narrowed. “All right . . . Alex. Why are you here?” 

Alex arched an eyebrow and said, “I’m providing Gert with a service, so she can feel a modicum of comfort after the loss of her niece . . . times like these are very trying for family members, as I’m sure you know.” 

Sam seemed suspicious at best as he said, “For a small fee?” 

Alex shrugged. “I don’t know about small, but typically there is a fee involved. The newly acquired Jiminy Cricket on my shoulder convinced me to make an exception for Gert.” Was this chick legit, like some kind of a psychic or medium, or was she a bullshit artist? 

Sam tried the, ‘How much do you know about what’s going on around here?’ approach, and she smiled before saying, “More than you. This is just a friendly warning to tell you to stay out of my way, boys.” Before Dean could argue with that, Alex looked at him and added, “Oh, and I’d move this car if I were you. There may have been an anonymous tip called into the police about the arsenal in the boot. Ciao,” before she just turned and walked away. 

Dean immediately went to the trunk. Sam followed him and said, “What are you doing, Dean?” 

“Making sure she didn’t scratch anything when she broke in here and found the arsenal.” 

Sam went from watching that Alex chick disappear to looking down at the trunk. “We’ll go somewhere quiet, and then I think you should do a full inventory and make sure we still have everything.” 

What? Dean was tempted to pop the trunk right then and there. “Why? What are you thinking?” 

Sam went to get in the passenger side door and answered, “I think we just met Bela Talbot . . . When was the last time we met a British hunter?” 

International thief, woman who’d want to turn Dean into Hell to get out of her own fucking deal . . . that Bela Talbot? Dean got into the drivers seat and said, “I thought Beth took care of it. Why would this chick make contact with us now? Beth doesn’t leave loose ends.” 

“I’m don’t know, but if we keep working the case, I bet we’ll run into her again. Come on. Let’s get out of here. I don’t know how truthful she was being about that anonymous tip, but I wouldn’t put it past her from what Beth said, and I wouldn’t put it past her to steal our stuff, or at least the things she thinks are worth something.”

\-----------------------

“Looks like she’s already here.” Dean reached over Sam to get their IDs out of the glove compartment, and Sam took his before asking how Dean knew what she was pretending to be. “Doubt it’s a cop. She didn’t go in as a cop with the old lady. That means these,” He paused as he held up their detective badges. “trump whatever she is.” 

Sam took his ID while keeping his attention on ‘Alex’ and nodded to let Dean know that it worked for him before he got out of the car. _Ha, reporter?_ Amature hour when you know you’re up against other hunters . . . not that Dean had ever really competed against another hunter or a thief of all things occult. Except for Beth. He’d competed with her a lot. 

The guy just got done telling them that he’d seen the boat when Sam got Dean’s attention and looked towards that knife-stealing bitch getting the real cops involved. Maybe she wasn’t quite so armature. It was time to go. They couldn’t save this guy if the cops caught them, and this guy needed their help if he saw the boat at the same time his brother did. His brother was already dead.

\------------------------

It was nearly dawn. They’d been surveilling this guy’s house all night and had gotten nothing. Dean looked from the guy’s house to Sam and said, “I think Rachel is Beth. Competing with us on something like this is her M.O.” 

“The thought’s crossed my mind.” 

“Why do you think she hasn’t let us see her?” 

Sam paused while he thought about it and then looked over at Dean. “I don’t think she’s competing with us. I think she really doesn’t want us here, and she’s having this Bela be her mouthpiece to tell us that and get in our way while she’s doing something else, so we don’t see her . . . I think she’s the Jiminy Cricket on Bela’s shoulder that convinced her not to charge Gert for her services. Maybe she’s teamed up with Bela to keep her in-line.” That may be, but it still didn’t explain why Beth didn’t want them to see her. 

A few seconds later, Sam was getting out of the car and asking, “Did you hear that?” Dean followed his lead without having to think about it. Course he heard it. It was pretty hard to miss glass breaking and the sounds of one hell of a fight when everything else in the neighborhood was dead quiet. Finally something was happening. 

Dean and Sam were just getting to the guy’s door when the man ran out and straight into them. “Something’s after me . . . Don’t let it touch me . . . and we can’t get in my car . . . but I have to get out of town!” 

The guy started pulling them away from the front door, and Dean stopped him to ask, “What about your house? Is it clear or is somebody inside?” 

The guy looked behind him and said, “No . . . Nobody’s inside . . . Just get me out of here.” 

Sam stopped the guy from running off again. “Is she English, or –“ 

The guy looked at Sam, like he had two heads and in a panic yelled, “What are you talking about? Did you not hear what I just said? Something’s after me!” When the guy understood he wasn’t going anywhere until he stopped lying and that paying them to get him out of town wouldn’t work, he finally gave in. “My brother’s fiancée, but it’s not after her. It’s after me. She told me you’d be here and to tell you what I just said. I thought she was attacking me and then I saw it . . . You have to get me out of here!”

Sam let Dean know he’d take care of the guy, so Dean could have a look in the house. Foot barely through the door, and sawn off in hand, the first thing out of Dean’s mouth was, “Beth! You in here?” Nothing. This house was freaking huge. And it was ugly . . . too poncey for his taste. He sure wouldn’t waste a dime of his inheritance on it if he had this guy’s kind of money. 

He cleared the downstairs and thought about going upstairs, but the open window at the back of the living room, and the fire poker lying on the ground told him what he needed to know. She was already gone, and she left it this way, because she didn’t want him wasting time on trying to find her when the guy outside was the one who needed help. If the ghost had already made an attempt on the guy, they should get going if she thought getting the guy out of town was the only thing that’d save him. 

The sound of Sam’s salt gun out in the street, made Dean put a move on it. This spirit wasn’t going to make it easy for the guy to leave. On the way out Dean noticed a note tacked onto the back of the front door with the knife he’d thought Bela had stolen. Beth must’ve staged the other room to look the way it would, so he’d leave and stop wasting time looking for her, but she had to have gone out this way. He knew he’d left the door open when he got in here . . . she must’ve been upstairs. It made him relax and smile at the same time. 

_’Think Terry in Cold Oak on the spirit. I know you won’t leave town until this is over, so I’ll give you something to help in your investigation. The ship’s name is Espirito Santo. All the ‘victims’ have killed family members. Bela’s here for a hand. Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow night. Maybe I won’t. I won’t make it easy. Burn after reading.’_

It was to him. She wouldn’t have used his knife if it wasn’t, which meant she took his knife yesterday planning to leave him a message this way. God, he really missed her. 

The next day, Sam and Dean were researching in the house where they were squatting when Sam said, “I think you’re right on the name of the ship. Take a look at this,” before he lifted up a book on maritime disasters in the area and showed Dean a picture of it. Fit the description that Peter guy gave him. Sam turned the book around, so he could read from it and said, “So, get this. In 1859, a sailor was accused of treason. He was tried aboard ship in a kangaroo court and hanged. He was 37.” 

“That’d explain why this happens every 37 years, right?” 

Sam glanced up at him and nodded. “Yeah, and the spirit I had to shoot last night was missing his right hand. Do you know what that means?” 

No, not really. Dean had so much lore in between his ears that there wasn’t room for it all sometimes. That’s why he had Sam. “Should I?” 

Sam sat forward excitedly the way he always did when he got to do his nerdy thing. “The right hand of a hanged man is a serious occult object . . . it’s very powerful.” 

“The kind of powerful an international thief my be interested in for a buyer?” 

Sam smiled and said, “Bela’s literally here for a hand, not for for help . . . Why do you think –“ He was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Dean went to check and see who was at the door. That Bela chick. He shared a look with Sam to prepare him and then opened the door. She walked right in and started off with the whole, ‘Meh, don’t tell me you guys are actually squatting,’ thing straight away before she said that she’d ID’d the ship. 

Dean couldn’t wait to fill her in on what they knew. “Yeah, it’s the Espirito Santo. We know. Hand of glory or whatever.” He reveled in her stopping short at that before she looked mildly impressed, and then he added, “So, you got anything else for us, or is that it? We’re kind of busy here.” 

The smirk she gave him said she wasn’t done yet. “I know exactly where the hand is.” 

Yeah, he bet she did, and she probably needed their help to steal it for some reason. “Where?” _Sea Pines Museum._ If she had Beth on the books, Beth could get in and get out of a place like that without anyone knowing. “What’s the matter? Beth doesn’t want to help you steal it?” 

Bela paused and then said, “Oh, good . . . I take it that means you know my name is Bela, so we can drop the act now. You could say that Beth and I had a difference of opinion of how to go about procuring the hand and what to do with it after we’ve obtained it. She does enjoy a good game. Winner takes all this time.” This time? It looked like maybe Sam was right. Beth had teamed up with Bela and had been with her this whole time. 

“Let me guess. She wants to burn it, and you want to sell it?” Sam said from his corner of the room. 

“Well, aren’t you sharp . . . That’s where we differ on what to do after we’ve obtained it.” 

She didn’t stand a chance, so Dean decided to fill her in on that. She must not know Beth all that well. “If you’re competing with Beth, it’s already gone.” 

Arching an eyebrow in response, Bela said, “If that hand is what is tying the spirit here, and Beth had already burnt it, why do you think Peter had trouble last night? What happened with him by the way?” 

Sam huffed in annoyance and said, “Like you care.” 

“You’re right. I don’t. I supposed that’s enough of the small talk. To make our wager interesting, Beth and I agreed that it’s on your marks, get set, and not go until tonight. Are you two in or out?” 

Rolling his eyes, Sam said, “Just so you know. We got Peter out of town and on a train inland, so he’s fine, or he will be until tonight if the spirit attached to that hand is attached to him now. And why would we help you if we know Beth will do the right thing with the hand when she gets it first?” 

Bela pulled a few tickets out of her pocket. “Well, if you want to see her again, I’d suggest you go to this party with me.” 

On impulse, Dean took a menacing step forward, and asked, “Why? What are you going to do to her?” 

Bela seemed unfazed by his tactics. “Easy tiger. You want an answer to that one . . . I’m going to need your help.” 

Why did Beth say that she might see him tonight in that note? Either she knew what Bela was planning or thinking a few steps ahead and anticipating what Bela was planning. She wanted him to tell Bela they’d do it. If she needed them to provide a distraction, so she could get that hand before Bela, he’d do it. Maybe that’s why she told him to burn the note after reading. She didn’t want Bela to know she’d made contact. “How much money are you out if this doesn’t go your way?” Dean asked. _A hundred grand?_ “What do you need us to do?” 

Sam pulled him aside and said, “Dean, shouldn’t we talk about this?” 

“A woman like this doesn’t play around over that kind of cash. Beth needs back up. If this is the only way we can do that, then it’s what I’m gonna do.” Sam gave him a frustrated look before he nodded in agreement. They turned in unison to face Bela, who was pretending not to listen in on their conversation, and Sam said, “What do you need us to do?”

Bela seemed to be buying that they were doing this to protect Beth. So far, so good . . . or that’s what Dean thought until he saw the horror that Bela produced for him to wear. There was no way in hell he was wearing that. Normal monkey suits on a job were bad enough, but this? No, he wasn’t wearing a tux. Sam seemed all right with it . . . until he found out who his date was. That almost made Dean having to wear the tux worth it. In fact, Dean laughed pretty openly about it until Sam stormed off in a huff and told him to shut up.

Fidgeting as he got out of the car a couple hours later with Bela on his arm, Dean said, “You’re sure Beth’s going to be here? When was this starting gun supposed to go off? 

Bela checked her watch. “15 minutes ago. We would’ve gotten here on time if you hadn’t taken so long getting ready.” 

“You know she already has it, right?” 

Bela smiled, while she handed the guy at the door their tickets and as soon as they were past, said, “You have a lot of faith in her.” 

“I’ve seen what she can do. All right . . . Where is this thing?” Bela looked towards the stairs. There’s no way they were using those. There was too much security. “Why’d we go in this way? Why not in through an upstairs window?” 

Bela lifted a glass of champagne and answered, “Why do you think Beth and I had a difference of opinion . . . She’s harder to polish than you are. Of course I may have made a call to the authorities and told them that I heard there might be a break in tonight, so we’ll see how she does doing it her way.” 

Shaking his head, Dean muttered, “You and your tipping off the cops every chance you get . . . and if that’s what she told you she’d do, or let you think she’d do, it’s probably the exact opposite of what she was going to do. She plays dirty to win.” 

He was caught off guard by the genuinely fond smile Bela gave him before she said, “I know. She said one time that we’re cut from the same cloth. The better I get to know her, the more I can see what she means.”

Before he had a chance to process that, Sam interrupted them. Dean looked back at Sam’s date while Sam whined about how long he was going to have to keep up the act. Priceless . . . This might be the best thing Dean could remember happening since he got out of Hell. If nothing else, Bela had lined up this bit of entertainment for the evening . . . a thought occurred to him . . . Maybe Beth’s Jiminy Cricket routine would pan out . . . Dean mocked Sam and watched his brother go back to Gert. He couldn’t wait to hear how Sam’s date went after this was all over. In the meantime, Dean had a hand to steal. 

There was security everywhere. They looked like maybe they were state troopers moonlighting. Beth was more likely to blend in as one of them than she was to go cat burglar. 

Bela found a way for them to get upstairs by collapsing next to him. A little warning would’ve been nice, but he was pretty good at thinking on his feet. He tossed Bela on the couch when they got upstairs, and as soon as the guard was gone, Bela said, “Your sister? You couldn’t come up with anything better than that?” 

Going to the door, Dean said, “Yeah, well . . . there’s only one person I’d ever call my wife, and it ain’t you. You sure you want me to get this? I might just slip back downstairs with it when I’m done.” 

Bela smiled and replied, “And I’ll scream that my brother stole something. I tried to talk him out of it, but he’s very troubled. Room 235. It’s in a locked glass case, wired for alarm.” 

Dean snuck down the hall and made his way into 235. His eyes scanned the room for a few seconds before he went towards the glass case. As soon as he got to it, he laughed. Sam was going to love this one. Dean picked up the note and turned back to leave the room. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Bela’s face when she saw it.


	78. Surprise Visitor

“You mean I got felt up all night for nothing!” That was the second worst night of Sam’s entire life only superseded by Jess dying. 

“I wouldn’t say it was for nothing. I mean at least that Bela chick didn’t get it, right?” Sam should’ve known that Dean wasn’t doing this because he’d been seriously worried about what Bela would do to Beth if Beth got to the hand first. Their job had been to be a distraction for Bela, while Beth did her thing. 

“But you didn’t even get to see Beth, and how do you know this Bela woman won’t do anything to her now that she knows Beth took the hand? Let me see the note she left?” Dean slapped the note into Sam’s hand. _’Gentry: 0. Servants: 1.’_ Beth never knew how to tone it down with dangerous people. “So, Beth must’ve gone in as one of the wait staff, right? Why didn’t we see her?” 

Dean exhaled a laugh and answered, “Well, I got there 15 minutes after they were supposed to start their race. I told Bela that the hand was already gone, but –“ 

“I got there early, and I didn’t see her once. Why didn’t she approach me when she had it? What if Bela knew she’d get it before her and hired someone to stop Beth from leaving with it?” 

Dean paused and said, “I don’t know, Sam. I think Beth’s been working with Bela for a while now. I’m guessing that Beth expected a double-cross at the end. Maybe she changed and came out as security, or maybe she climbed up on the roof, so she could leave when the place wasn’t being watched by the cops or whoever Bela sent after her.” 

Sam quickly started heading back towards the museum, so Dean got in front of him to stop him. “What are you doing, Sam?”

“I’m going back to see if she’s still here.” 

Dean shook his head and headed back towards the Impala. “You’re wasting your time. You won’t find her. She’s probably already gone.” 

Quickly turning, Sam exclaimed, “I don’t get you, Dean! You’ve been overbearing for months now, because you’re worried about what’s going to happen to one of us, and now that one of us might actually be in serious trouble, you’re not worried about it at all.” 

Dean rolled his eyes and rested his forearms on the top of the driver’s side door. “Check your pockets.” _What?_ Dean grasped Sam’s confusion and said, “If Beth was anywhere near you without you noticing, she wouldn’t have been able to resist leaving you something to let you know that. Check your pockets.” Sam angrily stuffed his hand into his right pocket, followed suit with his left, and then slumped when he felt a soft crunch. 

He pulled the piece of paper out and read it. _’I don’t care if she is a little old lady. Nobody should put up with being assaulted like that. I can press charges on your behalf if you want. Don’t worry. I’ll use your alias, so you don’t end up in prison again.’_

Sam snorted before he looked at Dean. “What’d yours say?” 

Dean grinned and answered, “I get her vote for the next James Bond, and she knows where she can find an Aston Martin if I want to take it for a spin . . . Yours?” Sam told him, and Dean laughed. “Yeah, she hates that women can get by with that crap.” 

Maybe Beth was really okay. Sam took a deep breath and walked back towards the car. “So, you think she’s all right? What if she’s not? I mean what if someone grabbed her after she gave us these?” 

Dean waited until Sam got in the car and said, “Honestly . . . I think we’ll at least hear from her again before we leave town, and I think she and Bela are both messing with us.” 

“What makes you think that?” 

Dean put the car in drive and answered, “I’m betting that Bela knows Beth wants her to stay clear of us. Maybe that’s why she made contact, and maybe that’s why she brought us tonight. She knew Beth would get to the hand first no matter what she did, so she wanted to use us as a distraction for Beth, so Beth’s eyes wouldn’t be looking for whatever person she had waiting to intercept Beth, but Beth knew we were going to be there. I think she was counting on Bela to do what she did, so she could let Bela think she had the upper-hand by doing what Bela expected her to do . . . right up until she didn’t . . . I’m betting they talk all the time . . . I’m guessing there are all kinds of behind the scenes things going on with them that we don’t know about. We only know about the part of the game we were brought in on . . . and even if Bela’s third person did grab the hand back from Beth somehow . . . I don’t know. I don’t think Bela would do anything to really hurt Beth, so I’m guessing she told the person to get the hand, but keep their hands off of Beth . . . I get the impression that Bela likes her.” 

“That doesn’t explain why Beth would let Bela bring us into this game they’re playing if she thinks Bela might sell you out to get out of her deal.” 

Dean shrugged and replied, “Maybe she doesn’t think Bela will. Like I said, there’s a lot going on between them that we don’t know about.” 

Maybe. Why the sudden change of heart on Bela? “Your date must’ve gone a lot better than mine.” 

“Well, mine didn’t go around all night grabbing my ass, so yeah, I’d say it did.” 

“You think maybe you might –“ 

Dean’s grin dropped and he quickly said, “No . . . I’m with Beth. Actually, think it’s time for her to come home, but I’m not sure how easy it’ll be to get her back right now. Think she’s having too much fun with Bela. International thief? That was Beth’s true calling . . . if she can do that and use what she knows about the occult to save people’s lives . . . that’s her dream job right there.” 

Sam went from wanting to maybe give Dean a hard time about Dean looking elsewhere or maybe even teasing him about it if it wasn’t really what Dean was doing to wondering if Dean was right. Before Sam could say he didn’t think it was a good idea for Beth to keep her ‘dream job’ if her partner was untrustworthy, Dean said, “You on the other hand . . . think you’re in with a shot.” 

“A shot at what?” 

Dean gave him another grin. “You’re kidding right? You’re gonna tell me that Bela doesn’t tick all the boxes?” 

“If you mean, she ticks the boxes for liar, cheat, thief, selfishness, and condescending attitude, than yeah. She ticks all the boxes.” 

Dean’s grin grew before he said, “Man, you’ve got it worse than I thought, Sammy.” Got what worse? He wasn’t interested in Bela. “Bet it’d work out better than that thing with Cheryl did.” 

Sam didn’t want to talk about that, so he turned up the radio, and Dean laughed. She’d been out with Ellen when the Roadhouse burned down, so he and Dean had gone to check on her when they were in LA. She was a truly awful person. You just wouldn’t know it to look at her or talk to her unless Beth’s name was mentioned. How she could’ve hidden it for so long and what brought it out now, he didn’t know. She’d actually sounded genuinely disappointed that Beth hadn’t died going after Azazel. 

Paige on the other hand . . . when they’d gone to visit her, that’d been great. She’d showed them around lots of cool places and even helped them on the hunt. She was still in touch with Jake and Lily, so Sam was able to find out how they were doing. Apparently, before he went through the door to Hell, Gabriel, had zapped Jake back to Afghanistan without any warning, so when Jake suddenly appeared in the middle of his camp, he had to come up with an explanation pretty quick for where he’d been and acted a little dazed and confused and said that he’d gotten lost out in the desert. 

They hadn’t bought it, so then Jake tried telling them what really happened, ended up in psych, discharged when he wouldn’t recant what he said happened, and was back home now. Now he had a job working as a mechanic in his hometown where he was close enough to look after his family. He and Paige skyped with Paige and Lily now, and he was planning to come out to visit them in the next couple of months. Lily visited Paige on a pretty regular basis, because they lived so close. Paige was taking care of both of them. Sam had no problem hanging out and spending free time with her . . . but Cheryl? He never wanted to see her again. That was one mistake he never wanted to talk about again, and he wasn’t going to even entertain the notion of making the same mistake with Bela.

When they got back to the house where they were squatting, two things stood out as unusual. One was that Cas was downstairs. He’d been hanging out upstairs while Dean was here. Sam hadn’t actually seen the angel in a while. He couldn’t unless he went up to visit, and there hadn’t been time to do that since they started the case. The other was that Cas was sitting against the wall on the far side of the room next to Beth having a chat, like she’d never been gone. 

Beth watched them when they came in and the first thing she said, “I guess I have you two to thank for why I can now talk to Cas about the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings trilogy.” 

Cas looked at Beth and said, “You said that I should read more in my free time,” and Beth smiled.

“I did . . . I just didn’t realize how much free time you were going to have. Why don’t you tell them what other things you’ve read, since the last time I saw you? I’m sure they haven’t asked.” 

Cas seemed unsure and then said, “You should not be angry with them. I –“ 

“Angry? Who said anything about being angry? For years I’ve been making pop culture references from literature that my Cas doesn’t understand any better than you did, and look at you now . . . I mean now you know why I call my angel blade, Sting. You read Moby Dick, so now you know where Starbucks got its name, and you understand that someone chasing their white whale means they’re obsessed with something. You’ve read almost Charles Dickens’ entire collection. What I find most fascinating though is that you’ve read every single thing that Kurt Vonnegut has ever written, because you know he’s one of Dean’s favorites, and I have to say that holds true in every timeline I know about that he’s in.” 

She wasn’t just angry, or she’d look calm. She was smiling, which meant she was furious. Any second she was going to drop that smile and turn a hard glare at Dean, her voice was going to get serious, and she was going to say something to put him in his place. She never did that with them, but he’d seen her do it when she wanted to protect them from something emotionally. She’d done it for Sam more than once when he’d had a bully situation in school or sometimes when she didn’t like when someone belittled Dean or when a monster mocked either one of them.

Instead she dropped the smile, narrowed her eyes at Sam and said, “Cas was your responsibility, and you have utterly failed in taking care of him, Sam.” 

Sam immediately looked at Dean and said, “He –“

“He didn’t promise me that he would take care of Cas. You did. He signed his life over to this project . . . the angels are his family, and he’s turned his back on them for us. He’s been de-powered for us. He has been to Hell and back for Dean. He believes in our mission statement of saving people. He is one of us. To be honest, if you treated me this way, I’d tell you to fuck off and be out the door as soon as I could, because he’s been essentially a prisoner for quite some time now. This ends now.” 

Then she looked at Dean to let him know that was meant for him, and Dean could’ve gone from being in a good mood to hot headed in a few seconds, but it looked like he was willing to hold off on it. “Have anything you want to ask me, Dean?” 

Dean slumped a little and said, “Why’d you have him meet up with you a few weeks ago?” 

Sitting back against the wall, Beth answered, “We killed Lilith. It’s not that you’re not up for it. It’s -”

Sam let a laugh escape him before he took a step forward and said, “You expect us to believe you killed Lilith . . . If –“ 

Cas interrupted him. “We did. Now Lucifer can never be released from his cage in this universe.” 

_Seriously?_ “Don’t you think that’s something you should’ve told us, so we could stop looking over our shoulder? And if you’re going after something that big, you need to call us!” 

Dean put his hand up to stop Sam from taking another step forward and answered Sam’s questions for Beth. “I’m guessing she didn’t because of something that happened in our last life?” 

_Guessing?_ That meant she wasn’t letting Dean read her mind. Sam looked at Beth to see if Dean was right. She didn’t answer straight away, because she was watching Dean. After walking up to her, Dean crouched down in front of her, and she finally said, “What happened in Cold Oak was my fault. I got cocky and didn’t account for all of the variables. I learned my lesson, so I wasn’t going to make the same mistake with Lilith. I didn’t know if she was going to be disembodied or take the time to find a meat suit. In your last life, she was the one who held your contract. You found her and tried to confront her at the last second, but all she did was toy with you and sick her hellhounds on you when your deal was up. She had a blinding white light power that’s similar to what angels do with smiting. It’d kill you or me, but Sam’s immune to it. Sam killed her the last time, and him killing her was what broke the final seal. What if he killed her this time, and it started opening the locks in reverse? Then there was also the possibility of angels showing up if they caught onto what I was doing before I did it. I couldn’t let what happened in Cold Oak happen to you again.” 

Sam felt pretty angry about it. They were a team. Even when they weren’t a team, they were a team for things like that, but before he could say anything about it, Dean said, “And you didn’t tell us or have Cas tell us because?” 

“Raphael, will want me more now that there isn’t going to be an Apocalypse. He wanted one, so they could get a fresh start, and now that it’s not happening, he’ll want to start his own. You still have to look over your shoulder, but for different reasons. And since you maybe don’t quite understand the seriousness of the situation with the prophecies or tablets because of everything else that’s taken our attention, but do understand not going to Hell, I thought it best not to break the radio silence to explain the difference and risk having any of the big bads either figure out who you are or find you if they already know the way Raphael does.” 

Dean automatically put his hand up to stop Sam’s response to that, because he knew Sam would have something to say, like how his definition of keeping in touch during radio silence was more than the first letter of the town and the first two letters of the state and the first three of the country she was in on the day and a voicemail she left on different phones that used to be his Dad’s, so she could try to catch him out and never actually talk to him once a week unless he started carrying all of his Dad’s phones on him all the time.

“Is that what I did in this last life?” Before Beth answered, Dean clarified what he meant. “I mean did I run away because of these tablets you know about?” Beth ducked her head and shook her head. Then Dean said, “You thought I meant keep you out of things the way you kept us out of this?” Beth nodded, so Dean said, “I do that a lot?” 

Beth breathed out a laugh. “All the time. I think I understand why you do it now. Half the lines I give you are ones you’ve given me.” 

Dean smiled briefly and said, “I don’t . . . if you’re this good in that other life. I don’t get how I could keep you out of anything. What kinds of hunts are we talking here?” 

Beth took a deep breath and leaned her head back against the wall before she exhaled slowly. “Well, for starters, you didn’t let me go after Lilith the last time. We had a plan on what to do with her, so she wouldn’t be a problem anymore, because we knew her dying would lead to Lucifer getting out.” 

Cas quickly said, “You were in the hospital. You’d just had a 12-hour surgery and almost died. You could not have gone after her.” 

Dean snorted before he looked at Beth. “That true?” 

Slumping, Beth answered, “Yeah, and it’s freakish how much he’s picking up from what I’m thinking . . . my blocking ability is going haywire . . . anyway, all the tendons and ligaments in your knee had been snapped, and your kneecap was broken . . . your leg was in a splint, and you’d never be able to run or walk the right way again . . . You went there alone like that . . . I thought it would be the last time I saw you again . . . and Lucifer got released, and I didn’t heard from you for a week . . . I thought you were dead.” 

Dean smiled and said, “Jesus, what happened to us?” 

Beth looked over Dean’s shoulder and said, “Sam.” Dean looked back at Sam and laughed, like he didn’t buy that for a second, before he looked back at Beth, and before he could ask her what really happened, Beth said, “After you went to Hell, he teamed up with a demon named Ruby, and she helped him start using his powers, so he could go after Lilith. To boost his powers, he started drinking demon blood. It was like a drug for him, and we made him go into detox . . . He got out, and we told him our non-lethal plan for Lilith, but he took off after a couple of days. You tracked him down. You didn’t know I was going to be there, but I showed up and killed Ruby. She was Sam’s girlfriend, so it didn’t go down well. He knocked my head into the wall and threw me back in the room. He tried to attack me. You wouldn’t let him. There was a really bad fight . . . He picked up a chair leg and hit you in the head really hard more than once and then he did the same to your knee before he stomped on it a couple of times. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just stood there . . . he punched me, I think, and maybe knocked my head into something else. It went a little fuzzy, so I’m not sure what . . . He dragged us both into the bathroom. I wouldn’t let go of the doorjam, and he knocked me out. The next thing I knew. I was waking up in the bathtub, and you were cuffed to the toilet. He stabbed me in my anti-possession tattoo, used his powers to . . . to grab a demon in a homeless guy down the street and stuff it in me. He made it sleep and asked me where Lilith was going to be . . . he wanted to finish what he and Ruby started, but he was also jealous that you had me . . . I wouldn’t tell him where Lilith was going to be, because I knew Lucifer would get out if I did, so he used his powers on the demon inside of me to . . . he could kill them with his powers . . . he could torture them by squeezing them, but it hurts the meat suit . . . it was like being crushed from the inside out . . . The last time he did it . . . when he was done . . . I knew that was it for me, but he wasn’t done . . . He propped me up and cut into the brachial artery in my arm, so he could make you watch him drink my blood . . . I could barely move, but I tried to jam my thumb in his eye. He used his powers on the demon inside of me to keep me from moving until you told him to go ask a prophet we know where Lilith was going to be . . . and then he left. Cas came, and he said it was over. My heart and liver were crushed . . . most of my organs were. I was bleeding out. I must’ve said something about my heart, liver, and blood loss that God picked up, because those were healed by the time Cas came back. I was passed out by then, but he and Anna managed to heal my crushed kidneys and a couple of other things. The hospital did exploratory surgery to find out what else needed fixed. They had to remove my spleen, because it was crushed beyond repair. It’s why Sam blew up our world trying to find a way to change the past by becoming God . . . he wanted to erase that ever happening, not just because of that, but because even with your leg injury, you got to Lilith first, went through with our plan, and it worked. She was trapped with a devil’s trap bullet. All you had to do was cut her up and bury her all over the country, but he killed her anyway.”

Sam didn’t know what to think. It didn’t feel like him that she was talking about. He’d never do that to her or Dean . . . never. He didn’t remember any of it. Glancing at Dean, he didn’t think Dean remembered any of that either. It’s not that they didn’t believe her. The way she told it . . . she wasn’t lying, but Dean still looked to Cas to see if she was right, and Cas said, “I don’t know if I was there, but I know she’s not lying.” 

Sam wasn’t sure what Dean’s reaction would be. He wasn’t sure how he should react either. He didn’t remember it. If he didn’t remember it, and Dean didn't remember it, then Dean shouldn’t hold him accountable for it, should he? Sam didn’t know. Luckily, he was saved, by a knock at the door. Whoever knocked was a lifesaver.


	79. Who Are You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a couple of sentences that might be triggering for some people. They're highlighted at the start and finish in bold and are in the middle of one paragraph. In case, you're wondering, I'm also giving refreshers on the other life, so when things switch back over, you'll be prepared for it.

Sam got the door, and as soon as Dean saw it was Bela, he leaned towards me and whispered, “She all right?” 

“She keeps calling me a diamond in the rough, but that’s really a better description of her. Don’t take what’s about to happen as a . . . sign of anything.” 

Bela came straight over to us and said, “What’d you do with the hand? I thought you burnt it.” 

Taking $100,000 dollars I had stuffed in various pockets of my jacket, I tossed them to her one-by-one. “Nope. Sold it. I told you to leave town and let me do this one. When did you see it?” 

Sam came up behind her and asked, “Saw what?” 

Bela turned to look at him looking a little worried. “The ship.” 

Dean quickly looked at me, and I nodded to let him know I knew what that meant. Since I didn’t seem too bothered by it, he relaxed a little and turned his focus back on Bela while Sam looked at me. “You knew about this, and this is the woman you’ve been with all this time? How can you even stand to look at her?” 

Sighing, I said, “What can I say, Sam? I live in a world of gray, and this is smack dab in the middle of it.” 

Bela ignored them, so she could focus on me, while I got to my feet. “What about Peter? You insisted on saving him last night, and you just sold the only way to save him.” 

There she was. She kept peeking out every now and then on the morally right side of things. “Peter, right, I might’ve called him earlier and told him to batten down the hatches with salt wherever he was. Besides, I think the spirit has decided that you’re an easier target, so Peter should be in the clear.” 

Bela quickly exclaimed, “You used me as bait?” 

Looking at the cash in her hands, I said, “Yeah, but at least you got well paid for it.” 

Instead of losing her cool, she actually laughed. “Okay, so what’s the plan?” 

Sam took a step back and looked at me in disgust. “Who are you? You know she killed someone in her family. You used her as bait. You made sure she got paid a fortune for an occult item, and now you’re blasé about the ritual you have to do to save her life if it’ll even work?” 

_Well, when you put it like that, it doesn’t sound great._ “Uh, well . . . a) What happened with her family is none of your business, b) I did use her as bait, but at least we had fun with the game, c) I think that’s probably the most honest money she’s come by in a while, and she actually has saved a guy’s life by being bait, d) I already have everything set up in the cemetery. That’s one of the benefits of not having to waste time getting dressed up to attend a ball.” 

Bela shook her head and said, “Well, I see I still have my work cut out for me. Shall we get this started, so I have the time it’s going to take to finish polishing you up?” Then she looked at Sam, like she was ready to go, and he turned in a huff towards the door. “He’s a bit whingey, isn’t he?” 

I smiled and said, “Yeah, and he’ll love this.” _Hey, Cas? You mind taking us straight to the graveyard. I know you’re de-powered, so if it’s too much to ask, I understand. We really do need to put a move on this if we want to save her life, so if all you can manage is the two of us, that’s okay too._

The next thing I knew, Bela and I were standing in the graveyard with Sam, and Sam was complaining about it until Dean and Cas showed up a few seconds later. “Sam, why don’t you do the ritual? It’s over there. The rest of us need to stay with Bela. It’s going to come for her.” Leaning into Cas’s shoulder, I quietly added, “Thanks, and, uh, I’m interested to get your take on the spell for this ritual.” 

Dean overheard it and asked, “Why?” Turning to look at him, I saw he had his sawn off. Must be why he and Cas were a little behind the rest of us. Bet he listened in on what I was thinking when I asked Cas to send us here and made Cas wait, so he could grab it.

Grabbing my iron knife, I smiled and said, “You’ll see.” Dean looked at my knife and then his sawn off before he shrugged a little to see if I wanted to trade. Yeah, all right. If I had to throw my knife for some reason, I didn’t want to accidentally hit Bela. Dean laughed briefly at what I’d thought, while we made the trade, and then we got into position as Sam started on the spell.

Bela and Dean both looked at me and said, “Did he just say Castiel?” at the same time.

Cas wasn’t too far behind them in his response. “I have no idea why my name would be apart of a spell, like this.” 

As the wind picked up, Dean yelled, “Is this gonna work?”

“Yeah, just make sure –“ Catching the outline of the specter in my peripheral vision, I pivoted to shoot it before I looked back over my shoulder at Dean and shouted, “We have to keep it away from her, but still give it enough time to materialize when Sam’s done, so it can see its brother.“ 

When the figure approached from his side, Dean threw my knife at it, and Bela muttered, “Didn’t really think that one through, did you?” 

Yeah, I guess now he didn’t have anything, and if he left the circle, that’d leave him and Bela both exposed. Cas zipped away to retrieve that knife, and in that split second, Dean and I were thrown in opposite directions away from Bela. I landed, rolled, and brought my sawn off up, but before I could shoot, or the ghost could touch Bela, Cas appeared behind her and moved her somewhere else. 

Dean looked over at me, while he used the gravestone he’d landed on to stand and laughed briefly before he shouted at Cas. “Keep doing that, Cas! Just move her every time the spirit gets close.” Cas gave him a nod, and the next time the spirit got within a few feet of Bela, he moved her to the other side of me. It the spirit missing a hand time to materialize, and it kept Bela safe until Sam was done with the spell. 

As soon as he did, then the wind died down, and we got to witness something that I’d only ever seen once. I guess it’d happened on that hunt they went on for the Lady in White, while I was at Stanford with Jess, but the spirit of the sailor drowning everyone canceled out the spirit of his brother, culminating in a giant splash. Mary Winchester’d had more style. Going out in a big flash of flames the way she did had been much cooler . . . Plus, she did it to save her sons.

After that, Bela asked Cas if he could give her a lift back to the hotel. She wanted some time alone, and Dean, Sam, and I stayed up for a while in their squat drinking and talking. Sam decided to go to bed, and as soon as he was gone, Dean scooted next to me and said, “Are you happy?” 

Happy? It was such a strange question. “I can honestly say nobody in any of my lives has never asked me that. I don’t really know if I can definitively say that I’ve felt happiness as an extended state of being . . . moments in time sound more correct. I’ve had those, but I’m not having one right now. I would call what I feel now . . . being content.” 

He smiled and his eyes narrowed in confusion. “What happened to you? Whatever happened in our other life, you’ve still lived the last 12 years with me . . . You were always a little –“ 

“like an idiot savant?” 

He quickly shook his head, like I’d gotten that totally wrong. “No . . . I know Cheryl said that. I would never say that or think it. I don’t know . . . You’re a lot more . . . quirky now. I get that this is you . . . the real you, but what about the girl I’ve known for almost 12 years? Where is she?” 

“I’m still here. Dean, this is my third do-over . . . I was in Heaven for 29 years. When I met Dad the first time, I was a mess. He had to start completely over with me . . . He turned me into a baby and raised me all over again without any memories of my time in Heaven, so this is the second time I’ve done this. I made it to 35 that time, and then I met you and found out that I was actually only 29, because those 35 years had only taken 4 months for me to live. Everything I’d lived after 29 was in the future. It messed with my head a little, but for the most part that life merged seamlessly into me meeting you and learning how to hunt and how to stop an Apocalypse and survive another one. It just felt like I went from being a scientist to a hunter. It made sense. Then I got my memories of my life in heaven back after a few years, and they were added on top of my memories from the life my Dad gave me and the life I’d created with you, so it felt like I was 67 or 68 years old when I was only 32. Now I’ve done it again and have tacked on another 12 years to what it feels like to be me, so it feels like I’m 80 years old. The Beth you know is here . . . she’s a part of me, and she’s not going anywhere, but the real me has over 60 years of a hard life tacked onto her.” He sighed and ducked his head, so I added, “You’ll see what I mean. 33-year old Dean Winchester with 40 years of Hell made you 73 before you started this. Add 12 and you’re up to 85 and then add another 30 in Hell . . . that’s 115. Guess I could add 30 to mine for going to get you in Hell too, so that’s what? 110 years? And I guess if you add the 30 years I was in Hell when Cas took me, that makes me 140. The point is that we’re old souls in young bodies. You just can’t remember all those years the way I can . . . yet.”

He looked like he was struggling with the concept, not that he couldn’t understand it, but it was like he thought he’d lost the old me. I didn’t really know how to make that any better for him. He finally tried to shake it off and sat back against the wall. “What I meant about you being happy is are you happy with the job, I guess.” 

Compared to hunting? “It’s bittersweet. Pulling off heists against casinos and museums . . . that was our idea of the perfect vacation before the world blew up in a zombie Apocalypse. We never really got to do it . . . I mean, we broke into the Luxor vault when we were bringing down Las Vegas, and we just broke into Fort Knox right before we came here . . . but it’s not the same, and doing it now without you doesn’t feel right. But I like what I’m doing . . . It’s tiring though. I’ve done two other jobs with her, and both those times, the stuff we stole was dangerous, so after she sold it, I had to go track down the buyers, get those things back, and destroy them before the buyers used them to hurt somebody else.” 

Dean laughed and said, “That can’t make her too happy. I mean those circles have to be pretty small, and if word gets around that the stuff she’s selling is getting stolen right back, they’ll probably stop going to her.” 

That was actually kind of true. “She’s giving me a little leeway, since I saved her life. She could retire for the rest of her life with the money she’s made already. I think she only did it when she knew she was dying to have something to do that she was good at doing during the time she had left and to maybe try and find something along the way that would help her get out of her deal.”

“Why’d she see that ship?” 

It wasn’t really my place to tell anyone, but it was Dean, and I was tired of not telling him things. That’s not how we’d ever worked. I’d always told him all kinds of things whether he wanted to hear them or not. “You can’t tell anyone, not even Sam, but her Dad was the type of scum that goes into his daughter’s room late at night. Her Mom knew what was happening and did nothing to stop it. They were rich. Nobody would’ve believed that he’d do something like just because his daughter said he did. A demon possessing a little girl offered to take care of her parents for her. Bela was a kid when she made that deal. She didn’t know what it really meant. What kid would? It’s not like she summoned it or anything. It just showed up in the English countryside and said it’d fix all her problems for her. That decision led her to where she is now. She’s not a great person, and I always have to keep tabs on my stuff, so she doesn’t steal it, but she’s not a bad person. Desperation makes people do bad things, and in the future I saw on that TV show I told you about in the other life, she did some pretty awful things to you and Sam. I don’t think she’ll do those things now. I still wouldn’t necessarily trust her not to sell me out to Raphael or Crowley for something big if she found out about the North Star thing, and it’s stressful to work with someone you don’t trust, but I still like her.” 

He seemed bothered by something and finally said, “You’re not sure if she’ll sell you out to Raphael or whoever this Crowley is?” 

“Crowley is the King of Hell.” He gave me a look, like that wasn’t what he cared about, so I added, “The only people I trust in this life are you, Sam, and Cas. I trusted your Dad too. I think it’s wiser to think the worst of Bela, so I’ll be prepared if she does screw me over. That way I don’t get blindsided by anything. It still doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s bad or will.” 

Leaning into my shoulder, Dean said, “That’s different . . . Do you not have the same problems knowing how to protect yourself from other people in our other life?” 

I smiled briefly. “I do, and the reason I do is exactly the same reason I told you I did, but at least in this life, people I’ve saved haven’t hunted me in the woods.”

“Because of the nephilim thing, or . . .” 

_Why does he have such a problem with that in this life?_ I glanced at him and then looked down before I smiled sadly and said, “I didn’t know my Dad was my Dad until 6 months ago. I just thought he was my adopted Dad, so that’s what most people still think if they even know that much. If they are in the know, it doesn’t bother them.” 

Dean relaxed a little and smiled in confusion. “So, what happened with these people that were hunting you?” 

_They died?_ “I whittled them down from 20 to about 7 by going for knee shots. They grabbed a couple of teenagers that’d stayed behind to help me and said they’d kill them if I didn’t get rid of my gun, so I did. They sent one girl on her way and held onto the other boy, so I told them I’d let them take a free swing at me if they let him go. They went for it, because I guess they wanted to prove they were better than me. 

The guy in charge decided pistol-whipping me would be his free swing, and I wasn’t expecting it. I went down. He hit me again. I stayed down, but I couldn’t let him start kicking me because I was about 5 months pregnant at the time, so I did what I could to fight back . . . against all of them. 1 accidentally shot the other, while he was aiming at me, and I stabbed another one in the femoral artery, I think . . . he was bleeding out a lot more than the other guy, but I think because I left the knife where it was, it wasn’t as bad as it would’ve been if I hadn’t done that . . . That left me with 5, but being pregnant limited my moves. 

I was really worried about getting hit in the stomach . . . but I still didn’t want to kill them . . . I should have. I wound up tied to a tree. They carved ‘Witch’ into my forehead. The woman who did that did it, because she had a thing for you . . . and then they thought it’d be funny if they burned me at the stake. Then one of them got tired of wasting time looking for kindling and just started stabbing me over and over again in the chest. 

It must’ve been maybe 20 or 30 times. Just before he did that, I’d thought something about how they were so stupid that if they were what was left of the human race, we were screwed, but I thought ‘God, they’re so stupid,’ at the start, so God picked up a couple of Amazon-succubus hybrids we saved from a really bad place. They came out of the woods, Amazon swords drawn and killed every single last one them . . . even the one’s I’d shot in the knees that were laying around in the woods . . . So, yeah, I guess you could say, overall, I have more of a problem with people there than I’ve ever had here, but then I haven’t spoken to anyone here since I started tapping into my soul, except Bela, the psychics, you, and Sam. You’ll never turn on me, and even though Sam has in that universe, he won’t in this one. Bela won’t do anything like that, because she respects me and believes I’m up to the job. That seems to be why the hunters and the kids at our camp don’t have a problem with me.” 

Dean didn’t look like he knew what to say about that and then he cleared his throat uncomfortably. “That’s the consequence to you tapping into your soul?” 

_Part of it._ “That mixed with me asking God for help on things . . . the two of them together do it, but even just one can have an effect on some people. Look at what happened with Cheryl. Cheryl was fine with me before I started using my connection to God and then the next time I saw her after I started using it was when I picked she and Paige up in Vegas. 

She was a pain in the ass the entire drive from there to Kansas. It got worse when I left her at Missouri’s, and even though it made no logical sense for her to think she knew better than me about demons, she did and just had to drag Paige along to check on me. She got worse again after that because of the operation. Whatever this is brings out the worst in people, but only if they’re susceptible to those dark thoughts . . . I mean Bobby was the one who sanctioned the hit on me in those woods, and it started, because he was worried about us every time we left the camp, and he missed us, and with enough time, his frustration turned to wrath. After a cooling off period, he realized what he’d done, and it tore him up. Now that enough time has passed, it’s like it never happened. He came for Christmas and New Years and talks to us all the time on the phone, and I just promoted him to be in charge of rebuilding the Kansas camp after I had to destroy it to get rid of some people that were running it. The only people I trust in that life are you, Cas, Dad, Rogue, the other hunters, the kids at our camp, and most of the time, Sam . . . but then he does weird things every once in a while that throw me off. I don’t think he will anymore after this is over.” 

“So, you’re telling me that the two strongest weapons you have, God and being able to tap into your soul . . . those are the same two things that make people try to kill you?” I nodded, and Dean sat back while he pushed out a breath. “Maybe it’s like when you train with Cas and get caught on disarming him. Stop doing it and find another way.” 

“I don’t think I can.” 

“Why not? I’ve been hunting with you for the last 12 years, and you’re good on your own.” 

Not really. “I’m all right on my own, but can you honestly say that I would’ve been able to take on Lilith, even with Cas’s help, without using both of those things?” 

“Yeah, I do . . . I watched you when we were in Hell, and you didn’t tap into your soul once while we were there. If you can do what you did there without it, then I don’t think you need it at all.” 

“What about when I had to deal with 3 angels at once?” 

Dean hesitated, and then he smiled before he said, “Think that’s the hottest thing I’ve seen you do . . . might be willing to let it slide, just so I can see that again . . . but only if you’re outnumbered by angels like that.” 

Okay. If he was negotiating with me, he should have full-disclosure. “There are times I can’t control it. **It just happens,** like one time we went to this farm being run by 35 men. They were making people eat other people and turning them into wendigos, and in return, Crowley sent them women to do what they wanted with . . . they tied them to bunk beds downstairs. When the women stopped eating, the men chopped them up and fed them to the ones in the barn . . . I was in the 4th stall, and the almost-wendigos were eating this woman. She’d been cut up at the joints and thrown out into that stall in whole pieces. There were ligature marks around the parts of her wrists and ankles that hadn’t been eaten, so I knew she was from the house. She’d been pregnant, and I saw them eating her fetus. Most of the woman’s face was gone . . . **and it** flipped a switch I had no control over . . . I killed every last man running that place. I was brutal and merciless. Cas said one time that I’d reminded him of an avenging angel. Times like that . . . I don’t have any control over it.” 

Dean listened to it all, and he didn’t look like he knew what to say about that either. He was quiet for almost a minute and then said, “That’s why I don’t have a problem with what you do in that life . . . those are the kinds of people you take out?” I nodded and then he said, “So, people like that Bender family are the norm?“ 

“No, there’s just nobody around to stop people like that anymore, so they go unchecked and do whatever they want. Even the slave traders are –“ 

“Slave traders?” 

Oh boy. Sam must not have told him much about the things I’d told him, so I filled Dean in on that too and a few other things I’d told Sam.

When I was done he said, “How about this? I get the not being able to control it bit. It’s the only way you can deal with that shit, I’m guessing, but unless it’s angels outnumbering you, or something you know you can’t face on your own because it’s a lot bigger and stronger than you, like that Changeling Alpha you told me about, or if you’re actually in one of those slave trader places and trying to suss out which ones do it all the time and which ones don’t . . . you don’t do it on purpose any other time.” 

I thought that was pretty sweet of him, because he was taking into consideration the way things were in that life, but his deal was essentially keeping things the way they already were in that life. I nodded in agreement, and he said, “I know Cas said you use the God thing more now than you used to use it . . . I was going to say stop using it at all, but I think maybe you don’t use it enough in that other life . . . I don’t know what to do about other people attacking you, but then I guess it’s my job to keep you safe from them. If I don’t do that there, I’m going to start doing it here, so I can get better at it before we go back.” 

That was pretty sweet too. “You’ve always taken care of me, Dean . . . You’ve never failed me in any life. You were in an entirely different state when I was hunted in those woods. And even then you found a way to take care of me. I can’t tell you how, because it’s part of that thing I’m experimenting on to understand better, but you did.” 

He was quiet again for a little while and then said, “I don’t know if I can do it . . . I don’t know if I can go back to a life like that. I mean I want to get my daughter, but if I had a way to make it so she didn’t have to live there and could live here, I’d do it . . . raising her in a world like that . . . I don’t think I can do it . . . not now. I’m not strong enough for something like that.” 

“You’re worried that you’re going to let the rage get away from you because you didn’t give into it in Hell this time?” 

Dean ran his hand through his hair and left it at the back of his neck before he ducked his head and said, “Yeah. A part of me wants to be let out, and I know I can’t let it out, because once I do, there’ll be no going back, but if I saw some of those things you’re talking about . . . I’m not sure I wouldn’t do to those people a lot worse than what you do.” 

“You already let it out in your old life when you got off the rack. It’s the part of you that you hate the most. Struggling with your inner darkness isn’t something I think you’ll ever be free of doing. Be glad you have that struggle. If you didn’t, than it’d mean that there’s nothing there to grapple with the darkness you have.” 

“Do you?” 

_Do I what? Do I struggle with the things I do?_ “I take no pleasure in what I do. I feel like it’s what I have to do. I mean I don’t have to kill people. I have to be consistent. After the wendigo farm, I was worried that what I’d done made me a monster . . . but then after I had time to think about it, I realized that what really worried me was Sam. I guess by now you’ve figured out that things with him got really bad. We ran into him a couple of months before that. He’d even had black eyes and a demonic voice . . . and I wondered if I spared him for you. If I did, it would’ve made what I did to the men at the wendigo farm wrong. I talked to Cas about it, and he explained me being able to get a good read on a person’s soul. It’s about justice to an extent, but really it’s more about whether or not there’s anything salvageable there. Those men in the wendigo farm loved what they were doing. They wanted to go to Hell and become demons. There was nothing redeemable there. With Sam, I thought that if he got off the demon blood, and I destroyed one of the tablets in front of him . . . if he knew the people he was killing actually mattered and wouldn’t just be erased once he became God, he’d stop, and he’d feel a crushing remorse, and if he could feel that, than there was still something good there, and that had to be preserved. That’s why he’s not dead and those men are. It’s about consistency. If I stopped being consistent now, then I’d feel bad about the ones I’ve killed, because me not doing the same for others that deserve it means the ones in the past didn’t die under fair or impartial circumstances.”

Dean looked thoughtful and then said, “That’s what you said before you remembered everything . . . think it makes more sense now . . . you ever take it further than that?” 

“You mean torture?” I glanced at him, and then he looked away and nodded, so I said, “I’m clinical about it . . . for the most part. The first 5 men it happened with . . . the first 3 were head shots. The last two were the ones hurting the kids when I looked through the window . . . one of them was the leader. I used my angel blade on those 2, but they were both still dead in less than 30 seconds. I’ve only tortured 2 things . . . one was when the civil war in Heaven was kicking off . . . I prolonged the fight with the prison guard that used to hurt me the most . . . I stabbed him in lots of places, and then Cas and I locked him in my old cell. He begged Cas for mercy, so Cas tossed him an angel blade and gave me the keys to lock the door. Of course, I had to go back through my cell to get to my tunnel in a hurry when things started getting bad in the prison, and I forgot about him. He stabbed me in the leg, so I killed him then. The other time was with Alistair.” 

“And you don’t feel bad about it?” I shook my head, and he said, “Anything you do feel guilty about?” 

“Meat suits that I’ve killed. I was being attacked by a demon one time, and it was in this college kid. I shot him, and exorcised the demon, but I’d shot the kid in the chest, so the kid . . . I tried to stop the bleeding, but I knew . . . I didn’t want to give up on him, but he grabbed my hand to make me stop and said, ‘Thank you. Now I can be with’ . . . and that was it. He died before he could finish his thought. There was a 14 or 15-year old boy you and I found. An aswang had gotten him from one of Sam’s trading posts. She’d had him for weeks and had been eating organs out of him while he was alive and cut open. He was paralyzed, but he could feel everything. We worked out a system of asking him questions by having him blink . . . His name was Corey . . . All he had left in the way of organs were his heart, a kidney, and I think maybe a lung. He was in pain, and there’s no way he would survive once whatever she was using to keep him alive wore off, so I asked him what he wanted me to do. He wanted me to kill him. There’s no way I was going to let you be the one to do that. I’d rather take the hit on what that feels like than have you do it . . . and then the headless aswang jumped back up and stabbed you. I had to kill it . . . Then you told me to take care of the kid, so I did, and I tried to be calm and let him know everything was going to be all right, but I don’t know how good of a job I did talking to him before I did it, because I was worried about you . . . I think that’s the one I feel bad about the most . . . not giving Corey as much attention as I should have maybe . . . and then you died in my arms a minute or two later . . . between what I had to do to Corey and what happened to you . . . those 5 to 10 minutes were far worse than any of the things that were done to me in Heaven. It was the worst 10 minutes of my life.”

When Dean didn’t say anything I said, “See, I live in a world of gray.” 

I wasn’t expecting him to say, “Think that’s what I need right now . . . if I start to slip –“ 

“You won’t. You’re not going to go around torturing people.” 

He shook his head and said, “Is it any better if I do it to monsters or demons in meat suits?” 

“If it were really a problem, you would’ve started doing it already. Does the idea of something else’s blood and guts oozing through your fingers and causing psychological trauma to monsters, demons, or people make you happy?” He gave me a disgusted look and started to vehemently deny that. “Why not?” He paused at my question, so I added, “Maybe you should think about the answer to that . . . Why don’t you want to give into it? Why would something like that not make you happy?” 

Decompressing a little, he nodded to let me know he understood and maybe would think about it, so I tried to give him a little pep talk, while I was around to do it. “Besides, I don’t think it’s necessarily coming from where you think it is. I think being in Hell opened you up to the way you felt in your old life more . . . Maybe it’s something you felt all the time in that life, but you pushed it down and locked it away, and spending another 15 years with Alistair released it . . . doesn’t mean that it wasn’t there all along. You found a way to function, not give into it, and maybe use it for good when you needed it to get the job done in your other life, and because of you, we’ve saved over 10,000 people . . . and we’re not done yet.”


	80. Supernatural

_Dean’s kidding, right? He just let her walk out the door again?_ Sam searched for signs of her stuff around the room and asked, “What do you mean, she’s gone?” 

Dean focused on packing, and Sam almost thought he wasn’t going to get an answer, but eventually Dean cracked. “She said she’ll be back the next time we’re supposed to have a problem. I guess it’ll have something to do with Gordon.” 

“Is that very smart? I mean she can’t trust that Bela woman. The longer she’s with her, the more likely it is that Bela will do something to screw her over.” 

Dean gave him an annoying look that said he felt pity for Sam, but luckily it wasn’t there long. “She’ll be fine. She knows how to handle herself. Staying with Bela is probably the best way to make sure Bela doesn’t meet up with Crowley behind her back, and I guess if she wants to stay away a little longer, so Crowley and Raphael can’t use me against her, I’m all right with it. She’ll probably keep in touch a little more than she has been . . . In the meantime, she said things should slow down now that my head’s not on the chopping block, so she left us this. She wants us to go to her Dad’s place and watch it.” 

Sam walked over to look in the duffle bag Dean had tapped with his foot and saw a box set with his face looking back at him. “What the?” He quickly knelt down to have a look. The entire bag was full of them. 

“She said she didn’t know about the God thing in our other life until the world went to Hell, so she never thought about asking for something like these then. She’s sick of being the only one that knows what is going to happen in the future, and since the only reason she does is because her Dad let her see the story of our lives before she met us, she thought it was only fair we had a shot at it too . . . It looks like God agreed. That’s 10 years worth of our life right there, and only 2 ½ of them are in the past. The rest of it’s our future, or what our future would’ve been.” 

Sam picked one up and peeled off the plastic, so he could have a look inside to verify there were actually DVDs in there. “She’s serious?” 

Looking over Sam’s shoulder at the DVDs, Dean replied, “Yeah, and she wants us to watch them with Cas. I guess he’s in them too, but not until . . . season 4, I guess.” 

Sam looked up at Dean and said, “Why would she give us these? I mean she has to have an ulterior motive, right?” 

Dean hesitated before he went over to put the last of his things in his other bag. “Maybe . . . She said something about how we should get a better understanding of alternate universes and how certain Fateful events tie them all together or something. I don’t know. Maybe it’ll make more sense after we watch them.” 

Sam flipped the box over and said, “Beth’s a pretty big part of our lives. Why isn’t she in any of these pictures on the back?” 

Dean shrugged. “This show isn’t about the life we know or even our old life. It’s about a life we lived where we didn’t meet her. It’s the same show she watched before she met us in our other life . . . If you wanna find out more, you’re gonna have to wait until you watch them in, uh, 18 hours if I push it to get to her Dad’s house, cuz that’s all I know.”

Sam sat on the couch in front of Gabriel’s large flat screen, and Dean immediately got up. “What do you mean you’re going to bed?” 

“What’re you kidding me? I’m not watching that . . . least not until it gets to the good stuff, like the future or whatever.” Before Sam could protest, Dean added, “I just drove like 18 frickin’ hours . . . I’m taking a shower in a place that doesn’t suck and going to sleep in a decent bed. You can fill me in on what I missed in the morning.” 

Sam’s shoulders drooped before he nodded for Dean to go ahead. Settling back into the couch, he looked over at Cas who was sitting on the other end and said, “Do you really want to watch this?” 

Now that it was time, it wasn’t really anything Sam thought he wanted to see. Who likes to watch themselves or hearing how annoying their voice sounds to everyone else? He was looking for anything to get out of having to do that. “I have to admit I’m intrigued. I want to see how your lives have diverged from what’s in these.” Sam would rather not, but Dean was going to expect Sam to give him cliffs notes on everything in the morning. With that thought in mind, Sam pushed play.

A couple of minutes later, he paused it. “All right, so is everyone we’ve ever met going to look exactly the same?” Cas shrugged, and Sam looked back at the screen. His Dad had looked the same. From the pictures Sam had seen of his Mom, she’d looked the same. So far, this scene was playing out exactly the same way it had in real life. He and Jess and his friends were out at the same bar he remembered going to for Halloween, and they were having the exact same conversation. This was messed up . . . really messed up. 

Sam wasn’t sure what to do about how it was making him feel when he knew how this would end for Jess. He didn’t think he could watch her go through that again. “Maybe when things start to differ from the life you know and the life you see on here, it’ll make it easier for you to watch.” Sam looked at Cas and nodded unsurely before he hit play. 

The first difference Sam noticed was Beth not being there. But then as soon as he and Dean left, the Woman in White case was exactly the same, except every single second hadn’t been recorded, just the important moments. It was interesting seeing Dean on his own in the police station after he got arrested, because Sam hadn’t been there for a part of that. Maybe this would help him know what his brother got up to when he wasn’t around. 

Focusing on Dean’s side of the story didn’t make it any easier for Sam, the closer it got to him returning home. The palm of his hand holding onto the remote was sweating by the time Dean . . . dropped him off? Dean didn’t drop him off, so that was vastly different. There were the cookies Beth said Jess made for him, but Sam never got to see them in this life. There was an unsuspecting him eating one and looking happy, while he went into their room. 

Their room looked exactly the same, but . . . this was totally different, and then . . . Sam found himself thinking, ‘Don’t open your eyes,’ when the blood dripped on the TV Sam’s forehead, and there was Jess, and she burst into flames. Dean came from out of nowhere and dragged him out . . . The TV him had been completely blindsided by the entire thing . . . no text on demons. When did they figure out that’s what it was that killed Jess?

In episode 2 Sam was annoyed with the TV Sam for being so willing to say screw those people that were in the woods. He’d probably been the same way, because he remembered getting that family business talk from Dean, but it didn’t make it any less annoying for him to watch himself be that way. 

In episode 3, Sam thought he and Dean had been a good team. It’d played out pretty much the same way it had in real life. There were a couple of hunts that the show missed after that, because Episode 4 was about the demon on a plane case. That one was drastically different than it’d been in real life. They hadn’t had Beth as an air stewardess on the show. Beth doing that had helped narrow down who had the demon a lot faster, but it looks like the TV Sam and Dean still got rid of the demon without her. 

By Episode 5, the TV Sam and Dean still didn’t know a demon was what had killed Jess or their Mom. _How could they have not known that by then?_ Episode 6 . . . wow, again it was drastically different. The Sam on the show was a lot more likable than he’d been in real life, because he didn’t try to kill anyone, but he was still annoying with his whole approach to Dean’s thoughts on how he shouldn’t lie to his friends. 

Sam liked the TV Dean a lot more than he liked the TV version of himself, and he felt sorry for TV Dean if the Dean on the show actually thought what the shifter said he did. At least Dean in this life had Beth and hadn’t felt like everyone would abandon him the way Sam and his Dad had. Plus, a shifter looking like Dean didn’t attack Becky, and Dean didn’t end up as a wanted criminal. What was the next hunt after that? There were some hunts that got skipped, and then it was that stupid Hookman case.

At the start of Faith, Sam sat forward and put his forearms on his knees, so he could see how this one was different. That’s roughly when his brother came back from doing a breakfast and coffee run. He hadn’t even noticed that Dean had left. Pausing the DVD, Sam immediately grabbed the cup of coffee and said, “Dean, you have to see this . . . everything is the same and different. We still have no idea that a demon is what killed Jess or Mom, and the start of this one is was when you got fried on that rawhead hunt.” 

Dean glanced at the TV screen while he offered Sam a doughnut. “You taken any breaks from this, Sam?” Sam shook his head, and Dean said, “Think maybe you should?” 

Sam took a big bite of his doughnut before he looked back at the TV. “No, I wanna see how you got out of this without Beth being around.” Dean laughed and shook his head before he started to leave the room, and Sam said, “I think you should watch it with me . . . Seems like something you should do. Just a warning though, I’m not sure if it’ll happen with you, but the I watch, the less I like myself . . . or at least the TV version of me.” 

Dean grinned and said, “Maybe we should all get out of here for a while, so –“ 

“No, I wanna watch this one. Watch this one, and the next one with us, and then we’ll take a break.” Dean slumped and then came around the front of the couch, so he could plop down in between the two of them, so Sam hit play.

When that one was over, Sam said, “See! Look at how much worse off the you on the show is after what I did dragging you there.” 

Dean looked confused by Sam’s reaction. “Yeah, it sucks that Layla chick got screwed out of getting cured of cancer, and if it was me, I wouldn’t have wanted to take her spot and then shut it down, but at least the me on TV is alive . . . Is that the way he is in all of them . . . moping around everywhere?” 

Sam laughed and said, “You’re kidding, right? The Sam on the TV show is selfish . . . All he cares about is finding what killed Jess and going back to his old life without even thinking about what that means for that Dean, who has nobody else.” 

Dean sighed and decided to change the subject. “What’s the next one, so we can get this over with? I wanna get out of here for a while.” 

Sam put on the next one, and Dean told him to shut it off about 5 minutes into it. “I can’t watch myself be that way.“ 

Sam grinned and asked, “Be what way?” 

Pointing at the screen, Dean quickly said, “Did you see the kinds of looks he’s giving her . . . nah, you’re gonna have to watch this one without me. I’ll go . . . I don’t know look into the case, since we never did it, because I didn’t know that Cassie chick. See if there’s anything we can do about it now.” 

Sam laughed while Dean got up to leave the room. “Yeah, you’re always chasing women in this show . . . maybe I should’ve said that . . . I’ll let you know when it’s over. You owe me another one.” Sam turned it back on and had to shut it off half way though. Maybe now was a good time for that break. 

He got up to go find Dean. “It over?” 

Sam shook his head. “No, you two were just . . . I’m not watching my brother . . . just no.” 

Dean laughed after he looked over his shoulder. “Why’d your face go all red, Sammy? You –“ before his grin fell. “Was there a sex scene? You’re kidding me, right? That’s not –“ he cut himself off and ran into the other room for a few minutes before he came back and said, “How much of that did you watch? Because –“ 

Sam quickly looked up from the laptop. “What? None, Dean! I shut it off as soon as I saw where it was going.” 

Dean looked towards the phone on the desk beside Sam. “Beth saw this? You think –“ 

Sam interrupted him with a laugh. “Yeah, I’d say she did. There’s 10 years worth of material in there, so I’m guessing it’s happened more than once.” 

Dean went from looking appalled to grinning. “If it covers 10 years, I’m betting that you’re in it more than a few times too, Sammy. I mean let’s face it, you’re no monk.” 

Burying his face in his hands, Sam said, “How am I ever going to look at her again?” 

Dean started laughing again. “What do you have to complain about? At least you know your girlfriend never saw you on tape with anyone else, even if it is softcore . . . What I wanna know is where Beth’s sex tapes are. That’s the only way to even things.” 

Sam looked over his shoulder at Dean. “Really? You really wanna see her with other men?” 

Dean paused a beat and then said, “No, I really don’t . . . What do you think? I mean I found this thing about people dying from unexplained road accidents in that part of the state a couple of years ago . . . Then it stopped. This Cassie chick is real. Both her parents died . . . she’s still alive, but nobody’s heard from her in a while. Think we should check it out?” 

Sam exhaled while he looked at the laptop screen. “Yeah, we probably should. Just let me get a shower first, but when we get back, we’re watching more. I feel like we have to watch it, Dean. We have to see the differences, and we have to . . . I don’t know see what was supposed to happen in the future. Beth wouldn’t have given them to us without a reason.” 

Dean sighed. “Yeah, sure . . . probably make this go faster if we get the details from the case off the show though, right? I mean we can find out from that who the spirit is.” Sam shrugged, and Dean looked back towards the other room. “I’ll bite the bullet and watch this one, but any of the ones with you in them are yours . . . and Cas is out on both.” Yeah, that worked for Sam too.

They were on their way to this Cassie’s house, and Dean was still complaining about the episode. “I mean it’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen, Sam . . . a racist truck? Come on.” 

Yeah, they’d seen some pretty bizarre things in their lives, but that just seemed kind of . . . lame. “You’re sure you don’t want to question Cassie?” 

“I don’t think I should. I mean I don’t know her. It just makes all that other stuff weird.” 

When he put it like that, it did. Dean had been pushing to just skip over meeting her ever since they started driving, but Sam thought they should do a proper investigation to make sure things lined up with what they’d seen in the show. Sam thought they would, but he wanted to be absolutely certain. This girl’s life could be on the line. While Sam met with Cassie, Dean was going to see if he could find the cemetery plot where that Dorian guy was buried and then find the truck. It should be a pretty cut and dry case. 

They hadn’t been able to save Cassie’s Mom, but maybe they could do something for Cassie. She’d seemed like a pretty vibrant woman on the show. Her being a shut in now the way the people in the town said she was didn’t seem right. If they could get rid of the truck that was terrorizing her, maybe she could have her life back. At least that was something tangible they could say was good about those DVDs. Now they could maybe catch up on cases that had fallen through the cracks, and it gave them something to do for however long they had left here.


	81. These People Matter

Dean tossed his keys on the table near the door and ignored Sam asking him if he wanted to watch an episode now. He most definitely did not. Watching a show about the things they should’ve done and didn’t wasn’t an easy thing to do when it meant people had died. That Cassie chick’s Mom was dead, and that Cassie chick’s life was ruined. “The timing may have differed, but you and Sam still saved Cassie from that spirit.” 

Dean looked behind him and saw Cas. “What about her Mom, Cas?” 

Dean turned back around to grab a beer out of the fridge, and Cas said, “Not everyone’s time to die will be the same time in every timeline, just the ones that Fate deems as necessary for whatever reason.” 

That was crap. “So, she didn’t matter? Cassie’s life is ruined, Cas. Both her parents are dead. She hasn’t left her house after sundown for years. Why do our lives matter more than theirs?” 

Cas mulled that one over and then answered, “It’s not that you’re lives matter more than theirs. It’s that this entire timeline didn’t exist until God let Beth stay with you when you were teenagers. Any differences to people’s lives that arise from that are what makes this a different timeline.” So, Cassie would’ve been fine, and her Mom would’ve lived if Cassie had met Dean when she was at Ohio State, but she didn’t meet him, or he didn’t think she did, because he was with Beth back then and hadn’t been looking for anyone else? 

“Are there other timelines without Beth where the same thing would’ve happened to Cassie and her Mom?” 

Cas nodded. “If that Reverend in the Faith episode had not chosen to save you, you would’ve died, and the same thing would’ve happened to Cassie.” 

Maybe. “Wouldn’t the angels have just brought me back and thrown me in Hell?” 

Cas gave that a little more thought, and Dean realized for the first time that Cas was more or less talking out of his ass. It was kind of comforting to know he wasn’t the only kid sitting at the back of the class with no idea what was going on. “If your father was still alive, maybe he would’ve sold his soul to bring you back . . . More than likely you still wouldn’t have been there to help Cassie when she needed your help, given that you would have been newly risen, and your father newly dead . . . if that doesn’t work for you, then perhaps any reason that would’ve kept you from meeting Cassie in Ohio would have changed things.” 

_So, if I’d gone into another bar instead of the one where I met Cassie that would’ve been enough for Cassie to end up the way she did in this timeline?_ “Got any idea how many of these timelines there are?” 

Cas looked unsure and sighed before he said, “No. I don’t think anyone knows for sure, except God. Any timeline that has you and Sam in it would be similar, because you would not have been born if the angels did not have an interest in making sure you were born to become Michael and Lucifer’s vessels. Instead of thinking of them like timelines, it is maybe easier to think of them like universes that run in parallel with other universes, and the threads of fate hold them together through significant events.” Well, this whole thing was messed up then. It was way beyond Dean’ understanding. 

He took his beer out into the living room, and Cas followed him, so he flipped off the lights. Sam was already sitting on the couch and looked like he was ready to watch another one. “You have any idea why Beth wants us to know this stuff?” 

“I’m sure she has many reasons, and we’ll only find them out after we have watched them and see her again.” That was Cas’s not so subtle way of telling Dean to watch the show, because she was going to want to know if he had done his homework when she saw him again. Maybe she’d wanted them to stay here and waste their time on this so they didn’t get into any trouble between now and when this life was supposed to be over. 

After the Benders episode, Dean said, “Think we should turn this into a drinking game. Every time something’s different than what happened with us, we have to take a shot.” 

Sam gave him an annoyed look. “You should be taking this more seriously, Dean.” 

“I am serious . . . about drinking to get through this,” Dean said as he went to grab a bottle of whiskey out of Gabriel’s liquor cabinet. 

By the time they were done with the Shadow episode, Dean was already half way there. By the end of Provenance, he was definitely drunk and teasing Sam about his date with Sarah. He kept asking if that’s what really happened on their date, and Sam kept rolling his eyes and saying, “Yes.” 

Next up was the Elkins episode. Dean had to change the rules on his drinking game for that one: one drink for every four things that were different. Even with the rule change, he couldn’t keep up on the episode after that or the one after that either. By the end of the first episode for the second season, he’d given up on the game and was almost as engrossed as Sam was. 

The way he’d felt when his Dad died made so much sense now, and he wouldn’t have changed the way that went down in this life at all. Sam was right though. Everything was different and the same. They still went to the Roadhouse for the first time after that, but they’d had a lot more fun with the case this time, and after he fixed his car, they still met Gordon, but Gordon didn’t stab Beth. Dean kind of got what Beth and her Dad and maybe even Cas had been saying about Fate. The details changed, but things, like meeting Gordon still happened.

The next thing he knew, he was jolting awake to the sound of Sam’s voice shouting, “This is the virus I unleashed in our old life? How is the whole world not infected? They look like anyone else.” 

He looked to his right and saw Sam looking around him at Cas. When he looked to his left . . . damnit. Had he been sleeping on Cas’s shoulder? Maybe nobody noticed? Maybe if he slowly sat up and didn’t draw attention to – 

“I don’t know if I was there, but this is the virus Beth was talking about. I remember her saying that they could differentiate between the infected and uninfected because of the look in the infected’s eyes. I think she meant that they had an unnatural demeanor. Even in the show, you and Dean knew something was wrong with that father and son in the beginning, and Dean knew that there was something wrong with the people attempting to keep him from leaving town.” 

Sam quickly said, “Yeah, but what about the one in the doctor’s office? She was fine until she wasn’t, and then she was strong enough to body slam me . . . what about one’s like that who looked and acted normal?” 

Cas, looking bored, said, “That was within a couple of hours of being infected, and she was being controlled by a demon. Left to their own devices, I do not think the infected behave normal, even if the differences are subtle.” _What the hell were they talking about?_

Sam finally noticed that Dean was awake and tossed the remote to him while he got to his feet. “I’m gonna go take a shower. You should watch this one. It’s what would’ve happened if you hadn’t talked me out of going to check out that vision I had about that town in Oregon. If you’re keeping score on the wins in this life over our last life, you should see how me not going with you and Beth, saved an entire town.” 

Dean stared at the remote in his lap, and after Sam was gone, said, “Am I gonna get pissed off, if I watch this, cuz it’s too early for that.” 

Looking at the TV screen, Cas said, “You should watch it. It will make more sense of what Beth says when she talks about how Croats took over the world in your old life.” 

Dean sighed before he got up. “Then I’m gonna need some coffee.”

Drinking another sip from his third cup of joe, Dean asked, “Where’d all those people that got infected go?” He was almost functioning on all cylindars, but not quite. 

“Sending them to Hell was the easiest way to clean up the experiment once it was finished. That’s where the infected would have gone anyway after the virus was done with them. It twists the soul into a pet demon of sorts that will never have human qualities again.” 

_What experiment?_ Cas pointed to the TV to indicate Dean should keep watching, and a few minutes later the guy Sam hadn’t wanted him to shoot slit the Sarge’s throat. Presumably, it was to make a call to Azazel. That sucked. Dean had liked the Sarge. “You think that Duane guy was watching Beth and me and waiting for Sam, and when he didn’t show up, they abandoned it?” 

“That would be my guess.” Dean was going to ask another question, but his attention was drawn back to the TV and the conversation the TV him and Sam were having at the end of the episode. _What’s that all about?_ He should probably wait for Sam to get back before he put on the next one to find out. “So, did Beth say if Sam knew that’s what would happen when he let the virus out in our other life?” 

Cas sighed and looked in the direction Sam had gone. “Yes, if you remember, he thought he could erase the damage he did by becoming the new God and starting over. That meant there were no limits to what he did, no act so heinous he wouldn’t do it, because he didn’t think he’d be held accountable.“ 

When Sam decided to fuck things up, he really went all out. “Any ideas on why they wanted to find out if he was immune? Did they do that to any of the other psychics?” 

Cas looked like he hadn’t expected that question and thought about the answer for a minute. “Sam readily followed his visions because he didn’t want what happened with Jess to happen to anyone else if he ignored them. Luring him to a small town where they could run this experiment would have been easy. After they were done, they would have known whether or not all of the psychics were immune to the virus.” That almost made sense. 

“When Sam didn’t show up in Rivergrove, why didn’t we hear about any other towns disappearing if all they wanted to do was find out if all the psychics were immune? They could’ve done it with psychics on vacation or something.” 

Cas looked him dead in the eye and said, “Are you sure no other towns disappeared?” 

Well, Dean would’ve thought they’d notice a whole town vanishing into thin air, but now he wasn’t so sure. It was probably better to make sure than assume one hadn’t, so Dean got up and went to the laptop in the other room to research it. After half an hour, he didn’t see anything . . . maybe there was something about a camping ground being cleared out overnight with no trace of the campers left behind, but that could’ve been anything . . . monsters, bears, wendigo, anything. Any survivors? Nope. It was probably nothing Croatoan related, just a hunt they needed to check out if he could pull Sam away from the TV.

Shouting back to Cas in the other room from Gabriel’s study, Dean said, “I didn’t find any other towns going missing, so that kind of makes it seem like it was more specific to Sam, doesn’t it?” 

Cas chose the quieter option and came out to see what Dean was doing. “It does. Beth seemed to think that Sam was Azazel’s favorite. If he wanted Sam to lead his demon army, and if releasing the Croatoan virus was part of their plan for the invasion, Azazel would’ve wanted to know if his favorite was immune from the virus. I still think it would’ve also let him know that any of his contenders were immune. Why else would he have started sending the psychics to Cold Oak not long after that?” 

The timing of it did line up with when the first ones would’ve started being taken. Dean decided to narrow his search down to the weeks between when he and Beth went to check out that town in Oregon to when Beth and Ava got taken. Those missing campers didn’t fall within that time frame. “Maybe it doesn’t have to be a whole town. Maybe it was a town for us, because Azazel knew we wouldn’t make it easy for one of those Croats to get near us, but one of the other psychics that had no training would’ve been a lot easier to test. If they wanted to contain the virus, so it didn’t spread and risk exposing their plans, they could’ve done it with a psychic’s family. The family would’ve disappeared after the demons saw that the psychic didn’t turn, and they could’ve just taken the psychic straight to Cold Oak. It would’ve looked like the entire family disappeared, and by the time we got to Cold Oak, the psychic was probably already dead.” 

Dean was mostly talking to himself while he narrowed down missing families during that time period. Cas seemed to know that and didn’t respond. About 20 minutes later, Dean came up with one. He turned the laptop for Cas to see and said, “There . . . it’s gotta be the Byrne family, right? I mean the whole family disappeared overnight. The front door still had a chain across it to lock it from the inside. The other windows and doors were locked. The keys were in the house. The car was there, and there’ve been no bank transactions or anything since. The son was 23-years old. That’s the right age for him to have been a psychic.” 

Cas looked at the screen and the picture of the family. “It’s certainly possible.” 

Dean got up from Gabriel’s office desk and said, “We should go check it out, so we can be sure.” 

Coming into the room, Sam grumbled, “What’s the point? They’re already gone.” 

“I want to understand this. I want to know why you were targeted. I want to see if that’s what really happened to that family, because if it’s not, then maybe we have another case to solve.” 

Sam laughed bitterly. “Really, Dean? How are you going to figure out if that’s what happened to them? They’ve been gone for over 9 months.” 

“For one, we can see if any there’s any sulphur anywhere, like there was at Ava’s house, and two, we can see if Croatoan is written anywhere. In the show, somebody carved it into a telephone pole. In Roanoake, you said it was carved into a tree. Dad thought it was the name of a demon, so if the demon making this designer virus is Croatoan, than he probably signed his name somewhere in their house.” 

“There are probably new people living there, Dean. How are we –“

“Are you kidding me? This is our job. We’ll find a way around it. How can you not want to look into this, Sam?” 

Sam’s shoulders dropped. “I just don’t see the point. We aren’t going to be here for much longer. We have other things that we need to start worrying about. Wasting our time on people that won’t matter in –“ 

“Won’t matter? Jesus, Sam. Isn’t that what got you into trouble in this other life you just can’t wait to get back to?” 

Sam smiled sadly and shook his head. “I wondered how long it was going to take you to hold that against me.” 

_Hold it against him?_ “Look, all I know is that when you start thinking people don’t matter, it leads to problems. This timeline may not have existed if I hadn’t made the decision I did to bring us here, but it does now, and the people here are important. They’re going to keep living their lives after we’re gone. As long as we’re here, it’s our job to protect them from the monsters and demons out there.” 

Sam didn’t get to respond to that, because Dean heard Cas say, “I just checked. There were no sulphur deposits outside the windows. They may have been washed away by the weather, because there were some faint traces of it inside the windowsill in one of the bedrooms upstairs. I couldn’t find ‘Croatoan’ written anywhere, but the family that lives there now has re-wallpapered the house, so it could be hidden under that. I can go back tonight and look if you want.” 

Cas going back to their house to tear all the wallpaper off in the middle of the night wasn’t exactly subtle, but right now all they had was that the kid who lived there was probably a psychic and got taken to Cold Oak if there was sulphur upstairs. 

“Yeah, all right. That way we’ll know for sure if they tested this virus on his family. If not, the demons probably just killed his family and got rid of the bodies when they took him . . . I don’t know how to find them if neither of those things happened. Just, uh . . . try to put the wallpaper back the way you found it when you’re done.”


	82. Who's Adam?

Sam typed in his search for that inn that they should’ve gone to check out in Cornwall, Connecticut. They hadn’t done it, because they’d been in Cold Oak. This was going to take forever if they continued to follow up all of the cases they’d missed when they were doing something else. He didn’t see the point in doing this. They’d followed a different path this time around, and they’d achieved some really good things, so going back and checking out all the things they’d missed and the people that’d died wasn’t going to help anyone. All it was going to do was make Dean feel guilty, because Dean hadn’t been able to be in two places at once, and it was going to make Sam feel pretty crappy about it too. He wished they could just skip over these episodes, but Dean had vetoed that. 

“Anything?”

Sam kept his eyes glued to the screen. “The place was demolished a few months ago. There were a number of unexplained deaths that were all associated with the sale of the inn. The woman running the place lost her mother the same day she was moving out. No mention of the daughter.” 

Dean, looking over his shoulder, said, “There any death certificates? They’d be able to –“ 

Sam sighed. “Not that I’ve been able to find.” 

Dean turned to leave and said, “Good job, Sammy. Keep looking. You want me to wait for you to see what we missed on the next one?” 

“No, I’ll come in when I’m done going through ambulance records and death certificates.” Maybe 20 minutes later, Sam had enough to say that the little girl was still alive. Her Mom called an ambulance for her the day she moved out but had been able to revive her before the paramedics got there. In the meantime, the woman had found her Mom dead upstairs. They’d kept an eye on the girl for secondary drowning, but she never got it and was by all accounts alive and well. Case closed. It’d finished the exact same way even without he and Dean being there. Sam wondered how many of their other cases would’ve ended up the same way whether they’d been there or not.

When he walked out to the living room to tell Dean the news, Dean looked at him over his shoulder and said, “Shifter case in Milwaukee.” 

_Milwaukee?_ Sam grabbed his phone and flipped through the texts Beth had sent. “I think Beth already took care of that one. Before she was in Cicero, she was in Milwaukee, and before she was in Milwaukee, she was in Providence.” 

Slowly chewed the popcorn he was eating, Dean thought about it one and said, “You think she’s been taking care of other cases we missed?” 

“Guess it depends on where the other episodes took place. Maybe she started on cases along the East Coast and was and working her way across the country before I called for help in Arkansas? If she knew going in what she was hunting and didn’t have to do the investigation, she could’ve gotten them done faster . . . except maybe on the shifter case. It could’ve looked like anyone by the time she got there, so maybe that’s why she spent so much time in Milwaukee.” Sam sat on the couch next to Dean and looked at the screen. “Who’s that guy?” 

Dean grinned and answered, “Special Agent Henriksen. He’s the guy who was assigned to our case after I showed up alive again in Baltimore.” 

Keeping them out of trouble with the law was something really helpful that Gabriel had done for them. “You think he’s on our case after our federal prison escape?” Sam asked grabbing a handful of popcorn. 

“Maybe. It’d fit with the whole, things are the same but different theme, wouldn’t it?” 

Yeah, it would. Maybe that’s part of the reason why Beth was keeping them occupied with this. She didn’t have to worry about them getting arrested, while she did her own thing if they stayed here and out of trouble. It made it seem like the TV was intended to be their babysitter, but he’d seen enough of the past on this show to buy that anything this show had about their future was definitely worth watching. 

“How many hunts between episodes do you think we missed? I know this doesn’t show all of them,” Dean said a few minutes later. 

“I don’t know, Dean. There’s no way to know for sure.” Dean was becoming obsessed with the idea that they had to save everyone they should’ve saved. It wasn’t healthy, but there’s no way Dean would listen to him about it. Maybe he should call Beth, or maybe not. 

She knew Dean as well as Sam did, so she had to have known Dean would react this way. It wasn’t good for Dean . . . unless she was using it as a distraction to keep Dean from something worse. In most ways, the man sitting next to Sam resembled his brother in a way Sam hadn’t seen him be since Hell. Maybe she did know what she was doing. 

“You have to give them credit for that escape. That was awesome,” Dean said with a grin after the Sam and Dean on the show pulled off their SWAT team masks. 

“Them?” 

Dean gave Sam a strange look and said, “Yeah, I mean they’re us, but they’re not us . . . think we all look the same in these different universes or whatever, but we’re not the same, because we’ve been living different lives that make us different.” 

Sam grinned. “Wow, that was pretty deep, Dean . . . You hurt yourself coming up with that?” 

Dean gave him a disgusted look. “Shut up, bitch . . . Just figured out what Beth was talking about when she gave these to me. Now I have to figure out why she wants us to know that.” Maybe there was more to it than these box sets being a babysitter or sidetracking Dean for some reason. It piqued Sam’s curiosity. On to the next one, he guessed.

“Look . . . Providence. Think you were right, Sammy. She started on the East Coast instead of going in the order that they happened.” 

_What’s this one?_ Sam picked up the DVD case and opened it to have a look. _Houses of the Holy._ Before they got too far into the episode Dean paused it. “What are you thinking it is? Angel or Spirit?” 

Sam snorted and said, “We’re sitting with an angel, and the me on the show seems pretty convinced that’s what it is. He’s a know-it-all, so he’s probably right.” 

Dean glanced at Cas. “Do you know?” Before Cas could answer, Dean stopped him. “Don’t tell us which it is. Just wanna know if you know.” 

“No?”

Dean grinned and said, “I’m gonna go with a spirit,” before he added, “Loser has to make dinner.” 

_Make dinner?_ “If I lose, the only thing I’m making is a call to the closest pizza delivery place,” Sam muttered as Dean hit play.

40 minutes later, Sam putting on his coat. Heading out the door, he heard Dean yell, “I’ll wait to watch anymore until you get back, Sam!” This was kind of starting to be a little fun now that they’d determined that Beth had taken care of the cases they hadn’t been able to hit. It took the pressure off, and it’s like they were watching themselves do things they never actually did now. That made it a little easier to watch. That’s probably why it’d be easier to watch the future episodes too.

When he got back with the food, Dean said, “I talked to Beth. We were right. She was checking off cases we missed, and she said not to worry about a hunt in San Francisco. She called Paige a couple of weeks ago and had her take care of it.” 

Sam went to his laptop, while Dean grabbed some food, and they both sat down on the couch as Dean started the next one. _San Francisco . . . what would she have looked into there?_ Sam’s attention was drawn back to the screen when it became apparent this episode wasn’t a normal hunt. Why was the TV Sam washing blood out of his clothes? 

“Wish he’d shut up about Dad warning that Dean that he might have to kill him. It’s getting annoying now,” Sam muttered a few minutes later. TV Sam had gotten mad at TV Dean for not telling him what their Dad made him promise on his deathbed. Then TV Sam had taken off and left Dean, and that’s why Dean got taken by Gordon in Lafayette. TV Sam even made Dean promise to kill him in the episode about the inn. He was so selfish. He didn’t care what it was doing to his brother, and here he was again pushing it. 

“Nah, that Dean shouldn’t have told him what their Dad said. His brother wouldn’t have freaked out if he’d kept his mouth shut, and their Dad should’ve never told him that anyway. It was a dick move. Yeah, sure, Dean you’ve done everything for this family. You’ve kept us together, but you should know that if you can’t save your brother, you have to kill him.” They might disagree about which brother was in the wrong on the show and why, but at least they both agreed on that.

When the episode was over, Dean grinned. “Bet your glad I made you get that tattoo now, huh?” 

_Yeah, we thank Paige for that one. Hm. Paige._ “You know how we keep talking about the people that aren’t in our lives that should’ve been? What about the people that are in our lives that shouldn’t have been?” 

“You think that means anything?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe. Like Paige . . . She’s a part-time hunter now because of us. Anyone she saves while she’s hunting is someone that wouldn’t have been saved the last time, because the last time she was only a personal chef.” 

Dean quickly said, “So, it’s like a butterfly effect kind of thing?” Dean knew about the weirdest things sometimes. 

“Yeah. So, let’s say even one of the people she saves decides to become a hunter or decides to go on to become a doctor or a fireman or whatever, then whoever they save wouldn’t have been saved if she hadn’t saved them . . . I think you’re right. Us being here has started all of these people on this different trajectory than they would’ve had, and it’s not going to stop just because we leave.” 

Dean sighed and then said, “Yeah, it’s kind of messed up to be responsible for a whole other universe with a whole new group of replicate people that have different lives than the ones they’re having in other universes or whatever.” It was messed up and kind of exciting at the same time. 

“It is a little like a big social experiment though, isn’t it? I mean Beth keeps calling it a test or an experiment. Maybe that’s what she means.” 

Cas finally spoke up. “You said that when you met God, He said it was training. Maybe you’re supposed to learn what happens when you change things . . . The choices you’ve made mean some people have lived and others have died, and both of those things have a significant impact on this universe. If someone dies that wouldn’t have, they won’t have the children they would’ve had, or they won’t save the people they could have, but the opposite is true for the ones that are being saved that would’ve died. They’ll have children who would’ve never existed otherwise. If this is training for the future mission God wants you to do, then I think Beth is having us watch this show to make sure you learn the lesson.” 

“So, you think she’s figured out what our mission is supposed to be?” Cas nodded at Sam, and Sam shared a glance with Dean. “Why didn’t she just tell us?”

Dean shrugged and pushed play. “Maybe she wanted us to figure it out ourselves. Not exactly like we’ve listened to a whole lot of what she’s said without being dicks and questioning her on everything.” Maybe Dean had a point. Sam knew it’d probably stick with him better now than if he’d had the answers just given to them.

2/3rds of the way through the next episode, Cas said, “That’s Gabriel.” Sam and Dean both turned to look at Cas, and Cas shrugged. “He went undercover as the Trickster for thousands of years, so he could stay out of Heaven’s politics, or that’s what he told me when we were in Hell.” 

_That guy is Gabriel?_ “He’s killing those people though.” 

Cas looked unbothered by that. “He’s stricter than Beth is.” 

Dean laughed. “And that doesn’t bother her?” 

“He might make a 1000 rats eat a man for assaulting a girl, but she would superglue that man’s hands to the bar if he won’t keep his hands off of other people. She is her father’s daughter . . . or have you not been paying attention to her stories about your other life?” Cas had gotten to know her pretty well. Sam wondered if that was because – “I spent months with all of you in Cold Oak and Hell. When she is stressed, her mind wanders, and Gabriel had much to tell me on the way through the quieter parts of Hell, because he knew he would not be coming back with us.” Well, Sam guess that answered that. He still wondered if this Cas was from their old life or this life from time to time. It was hard to know.

Dean, who’d been quiet until then said, “He made a 1000 rats eat some poor sonofabitch, huh?” 

Giving Dean a side-glance, Cas answered, “He was inspired by Willard, because he and Beth watched it the night before she blew up her neighbor’s garage.” 

Sam had thought that was just a random example, not something Gabriel had really done. “He really did that?” 

Cas gave Sam a pointed look and answered, “She doesn’t know. You can’t tell her.” 

Nodding towards Cas, Dean asked, “How’d you know?” 

“He was giving me suggestions on how to look after her after he was gone.” Sam found himself laughing even though he wasn’t sure Dean thought it was quite as funny. Their family dynamics were weird. 

Dean sat forward and looked like he was finally going to ask the question he really wanted to know. “Cas, who’s Adam?” 

Cas sat up a little and looked awkwardly confused. “Adam was the first person mentioned in the Bible, but he was not the first human. That was actually –“ 

Dean’s eyes narrowed. “Not Adam from Adam and Eve . . . With as much as you know about our old life from what Beth’s been thinking . . . Who is Adam? He’s why I left her, right? He died.” 

“You will remember soon. It would be better –“

Dean sat forward and said, “I want to know now. What’s the big secret?”

“Beth does not want him pulled into this life. She is very protective of him, but if she is protecting the Adam here, she is doing so from a distance . . . Speaking with him here would be much worse for her than when she met Cerebus in Hell. She misses your Adam, and she was never given an opportunity to grieve for him. She could not just take this Adam with you the way she wants to do with Cerebus. She thinks it would be an insult to your Adam, because to her, there can be only one of him that shared the bond they had.”

Dean opened his mouth to say something else, and Cas must've known what Dean was going to say, because he said, “You should not ask her or make her take you to him . . . It would be cruel. As I said, you only have a few more months, and then you will remember everything. For her sake, for your sake, wait until you remember when you go home.” Then Cas disappeared. 

“What was that about?”

Dean looked over his shoulder at him and said, “Not sure . . . I just know she mentioned him one time. She said he’s alive in this life, but –“ 

“He doesn’t know anything about hunting, and she doesn’t want us to bring any trouble to his door. I can see why she wouldn’t want that if we’re not going to be here to protect him when-“ Dean got up and went to his phone, so Sam said, “Wait, Dean, she has a legitimate reason for not wanting us to know . . . and what about the show?” 

Dean shrugged and looked back at the TV. “If she wants us to watch it, then I want to know who this Adam is.” 

"But what if it hurts her, like Cas said?"

Dean looked at his phone and said, "If she never faced up to it, maybe she should. Just tired of not being in the loop on -"

"This isn't about you not being in the loop on things. Did you tell her you wanted her to come back?" 

Ducking his head, Dean said, "Asked if she was happy . . . She said she -"

Sam sighed in frustration. "That's not the same thing, Dean! I think you want her here when she's not and don't when she is, and then you're mad because she's not. Was her seeing you in Hell so bad that -" Dean turned to push send on his text, and Sam had to leave the room. Maybe his brother wasn't quite his brother yet.


	83. Preparing for the Future

_’Who is Adam?’_

I looked at the text from Dean again and sighed. _’Watch the show, and you’ll find out.’_

I thought that was a pretty straightforward response until he replied, _’Not watching until I know.’_

Stall for time and information? ‘ _’How much have you watched?’_

I got a text from Sam and Dean at the same time. Sam’s was: _’Just saw your Dad as the Trickster.’_ Dean’s was: _’Quit stalling.’_

I replied to Sam. _’Which time?’_

I waited waited for Sam and got Dean. _’Stop getting Sam to be your spy. Just tell me.’_

A few seconds later, Sam texted, _’The first one?’_ So, season 2. They weren’t even up to the present day yet. 

I texted both of them back with the same message. _’What’s taking so long?’_

Dean didn’t reply, and Sam did. _’Dean’s making us research the ones we missed.’_

Oh, but I’d already been doing that. Honestly, there was a lot in season 3 we didn’t have to worry about because the Devil’s Gate in Wyoming hadn’t been opened, and Lilith was gone too, so that took care of a lot of season 4 and 5. _’No time for that. Catch up to the present. Important.’_

Dean replied to the text I’d sent Sam. _’How important?’_

Fuck it. They were a pain in the ass when they were working together. _’Gordon Walker important.’_

That vampire hunt in Albany should be popping up any day. I’d gotten Bela out of the country, so Gordon wouldn’t be able to intimidate Sam and Dean’s location from her. If they went to Albany, Gordon shouldn’t be onto them, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t considering popping back over to the States to help if they needed it. I’d told Dean I would, because Gordon would still probably show up if that was meant to be when he died. We’d done hardly anything to erase the markings on his gravestone. 

Dean texted, _’U know what I meant,’_ and Sam texted, _’Done.’_

I assumed they were going to argue now. Dean would be pissed off that Sam had given in on it, and Sam would tell him that if Gordon was involved, they’d need to know everything about it that they could, and then he’d sweeten the deal by telling Dean that if he really wanted to know who Adam was, asking me face-to-face, so I couldn’t just ignore the phone was the best option. 

I got a text from Dean 5 minutes later saying, _’Fine. Want answers when I see you.’_

Dean wasn’t in the mood to listen to what I had to say about a hunt, so I texted Sam. _’I know how to cure a vampire.’_

_’What?’_

I sighed and typed, _’Keep an eye on Albany, NY. I want updates.’_

I waited for a few minutes, and then my conscience got the better of me. I knew when they got those DVDs, I wouldn’t be able to keep Adam’s identity hidden or protect their Dad’s memory anymore, but I’d given the DVDs to them anyway. I guess I thought Sam and Dean being prepared for whatever the future held was ultimately more important. They needed to start getting ready for that mission God wanted us to do when we left here in 7 ½ months. 

It wasn’t a fair trade off. They could’ve had 7 ½ months of being blissfully unaware of a brother they didn’t know they had and one they wouldn’t go see and maybe get to know only to go back home and remember he was dead . . . or maybe that was just me. Maybe when I remembered Adam was alive here, I should’ve told them, but . . . I don’t know. Maybe I’d been a coward and part of me had thought it would be easier for everyone, but especially me, if the TV were the bearer of bad news. I mean I’d already told Dean that he had another brother once, and it hadn’t gone well that time. Plus, I didn’t know how I’d react if I saw his house again.

Damn. That was a pretty selfish way of looking at it. With that thought in mind, I decided to answer Dean. _’He’s your brother.’_

My thumb hesitated over the send button. _Maybe I should just wait until after the Albany hunt . . . No, that’s just another excuse to delay the inevitable. Just grab what you can from here and fly back to the States for the case in Albany. See if you can get there early. Maybe you can wrap it up before Sam and Dean get there, and then you’ll have time to explain._

The people here didn’t really take very good care of these Zoroastrian manuscripts all that well anyway. Me bringing them the Spear of Destiny from the bunker should’ve bought me some good will . . . at least enough to maybe make up for taking their stuff that they took from someone or somewhere else originally and didn’t take care of now. 

I went ahead and pushed send and then started making a mad dash through the archives to grab what I thought might be most relevant. “What are we doing?” 

I glanced at Bela over my shoulder and said, “Grab what you can. We’ve gotta go. We can go get you that sword forged in dragon’s blood I told you about in San Francisco, and then I need to go to Albany for a hunt.” 

She didn’t seem as resistant to the idea as I’d thought she would. I think she was getting tired of burning the midnight oil, trying to find anything about Amara or The Darkness. I hadn’t really anticipated Chuck broadening the scope of the deal I’d made with him in Heaven, the way I suspected he would now that his sister wasn’t going to make a show in our home universe, but a deal is a deal, I guess. How he was planning on getting the others to agree to it, I didn’t know, but I had to be prepared for that too, because what Chuck wanted, he generally knew a way to get. That’s why I’d given Dean and Sam the DVDs. I wanted them to be prepared. Plus, I was sick of being the only one who’d seen that show and the only one that knew important details about the future from it.

We made it past security pretty easily, or Bela did. She was the face of our operation, so while she kept them occupied and left the way normal people did, I took all of our stuff and found another way out through some tunnels and forgotten passages she told me her contact in here told her about a few years ago. When I climbed out of the manhole, she was already there. 

“I’m not really a fan of being in someone else’s debt, and all I’ve been since we met is in debt to you. Stop trying to pay me back for things.” I wasn’t really sure how to respond to that, so I didn’t, and she decided to clarify it for me. “I mean you just let me have the money we got for he Spear of Destiny, and now you want to help me get this sword.” 

_So?_ “All I wanted was to get into the Vatican using the Spear of Destiny and your contacts, so we could get in their archives and crypts unsupervised. You can keep any monetary gain from that, and since we stole a bunch of stuff, you probably burned your contact here. I’m making it up to you by helping you get that sword, since, you know, a monster owns it. She’s a passive monster, but she’s still a monster. We’ll be even after that.” 

She gave me a side-glance before we started walking, like two normal people, through the streets and alleys until we got to a place where we could hail a cab. As soon as we were comfortably in the cab and on our way to the airport, Bela said, “You gave me 500 k and got me out of my contract just to get me to leave that cursed rabbit’s foot alone. You’re the one that’s been taking risks on procuring the items we’ve sold since we met, and you haven’t taken a penny for it. I almost feel sorry for you.” 

_Sorry for me? Why?_ “The gear, hotel rooms, jet fuel, and not having to deal with the authorities are more than enough for my services. Besides I did steal some of those items back from the buyers . . . I probably owe you for that.” 

She shook her head and sighed before muttering, “You are the reason people in Hollywood have agents and managers looking out for them to make sure they don’t get screwed over.” 

“That’s why I have you. You’re just my agent, manager, and PR team all rolled into one, so you get a bigger piece of the pie. Plus, you pamper me almost as much as my Dad, so it’s not like I’m going to complain.” 

She smiled briefly and looked out the window in thought. “I’d love to meet your Dad . . . Where is he again?” 

_Nice try._ “Not here.” 

Her eyes narrowed, and she quickly said, “Not here, in Rome, or not here on this planet, because you’re an alien the way I’ve suspected for a while now?” 

I laughed and said, “I’m kind of like an alien, I guess, just not an ‘E.T. phone home’ kind of alien. I’m more of an alien from a parallel universe.” 

And there was no way that I was bringing her with us the way I was planning to do with Cerebus. She had a chance at a real life here. Living in a post-Apocayptic world where the big successes of our camp included digging wells and putting in septic tanks for all of the cabins was not a universe where she would thrive. Maybe I’d look up the Bela from our timeline when we got back, cure her if she was a demon, and be friends with her. Our camp would seem like a 5-star resort compared to Hell. I wonder if she’d get along with Meg. Probably not. 

We got to the airport, and Dean didn’t just text, he called me, so I hung back on the tarmac to talk to him. “What the hell does that mean?” 

“Season 4 . . . the episode is _Jump the Shark._ Watch it, and I’m sure you and Sam will know what you have to do.” 

“No, I wanna hear it from you. I don’t want some fucking TV show telling me –“ 

I took the phone away from my ear when Bela stuck her head out of the plane to see what the hold up was. As soon as she was satisfied that I was coming, she disappeared again, so I said, “I’m about to get on a plane. I’ve gotta go.” He paused and then asked where I was, so I said, “We just stole some stuff from the Vatican . . . Tell Sam not to worry about Albany. I’ll take it,” before I hung up without giving him a chance to respond. _Damn. That was the wrong way for me to do that. What the hell is wrong with me?_

I helped Bela with the theft of Dr. Visyak’s sword and told her she may want to hold off on selling it for a while, since I was sure the good doctor of medieval history probably had the same kinds of contacts she did. I was sure some of the things in Dr. Visyak’s collection must’ve come from people like Bela . . . maybe she acquired some of those things legally, and maybe she’d gotten them herself, but she was a hands off, keeping up appearances kind of woman, so the likelihood that she had someone else procure some of those items was probably pretty high. 

Bela said that she’d think of it like her retirement nest egg whenever she was ready to give it all up. In truth, I’d hoped the big payday for the Spear of Destiny would make her want to retire. The life she lived was only a shade safer than being a hunter. “I’ve got the scores of some football games coming up over the next couple of years if you want to retire a little younger.” 

She smiled, like something had dawned on her. “You don’t want me doing this without you, so you’re throwing money at me to try and give me an incentive to stop.” _Yeah, pretty much._ She shook her head and looked to the skies before she sighed and said, “You are aware that I did this a long time before I ever met you, correct?” 

“Yeah, but now you have a life to live and money to help you live it the way you want. If you want an adrenaline rush, go skydiving or mountain climbing. If you want the thrill of beating a security system, go work for the banks, museums, and casinos as a consultant and show them where they’re weak. I bet you’d get paid a lot for doing that.” 

“It’s not an easy life to leave. You know that. At least this way, I can control how involved I get.” 

That was probably true, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t try. “You’ll wear the things I got you? What about the salt –“ 

“I think I’ll skip the mess involved with salt and go straight for the demon wards, and I’ve got the amulets in that pouch you gave me. I’ll keep them with my things, but I’m not wearing it.” 

I’d given her a leather pouch with the Enochian phrase that would hide her from demons burnt into it and two amulets; one that looked like Rogue’s and would keep Bela hidden from angels; and the other that was like mine in our other life and would hide Bela from being found by anyone trying to track her through magic. “You won’t sell them, right?” 

She smiled and replied, “Depends on what I’m offered for them,” before her smile fell, and she said, “Where are you going next?” 

Looking at the key around my neck, I said, “Back to the Men of Letters bunker to pick up my car, and then I’m going on a hunt. Keep in touch, and I might be willing to give you this key in about 7 ½ months . . . if you can name the right price. I have another potential buyer in mind.” 

She looked a little suspicious of that. “I’m willing to bet the price won’t be money . . . You probably expect me to win some kind of Girl Scout award. If I don’t pass on the key, that means I’m not retired, and I won’t get it, right?” 

That wasn’t too far off of what I was thinking. It was between she and Paige, really. “Maybe, or maybe I think this world is going to need someone to look after it when we’re gone, and I think you’d be a good Woman of Letters. I’ve got some DVDs that you should watch, so you can see what I mean. I’ll send them to one of your drop boxes.” 

After that, she got a look I recognized, but hadn’t seen on her. It was a little sad. “Is that why you keep saying you don’t want money? You’re time is running out?” 

Yeah, I guess that was one way to look at it. Looking around at our surroundings, I said, “Yeah, but wherever I end up, I won’t be dead . . . I just won’t be here anymore.” 

“Did you make a deal?” 

I forcefully exhaled a deep breath and said, “Yeah, but not with a demon . . . It’s all in the name, my name . . . Elsbeth Foley. I named myself. Make of that what you will. I’ll be seeing you, Bela. Thanks again . . . think you’re the first friend I’ve had that is on the same wavelength as me.” She gave me a hug, and then stepped back, so I checked my pockets, and made sure that my key for the bunker was still on a chain around my neck, which made her laugh. Shaking my head, I said, “I’ll probably figure out what you took after I’m long gone . . . but I’ll get it back if it’s important. Take care, and like I said, keep in touch,” before I headed off to find my own way to Kansas and then from there to Albany.


	84. Family

Dean pulled up and parked the car across the street from a perfect house in a perfect town. He had a brother that lived in that house. He and Sam skipped ahead and watched that episode Beth told them they should watch. They’d spent the last two weeks tracking down the ghouls that were supposed to kill this brother. As soon as the ghouls were dead, Sam wanted to come have a look at Adam, since they weren’t too far away. They were here, so now what? 

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and almost thought about ignoring it. Cas and Sam were with him. If it was Beth, he didn’t really want to talk to her right now. Maybe it was somebody else who needed help on a case though, so he grabbed it and had a look. Should’ve left it. It was a text message from Beth. _’Adam is starting at U of WI. He’s not home.’_

He didn’t know if he wanted to meet the kid. Adam was safe now that the ghouls weren’t going to go after him. That was what mattered. What were they supposed to do? Tell Adam that he was their brother, their Dad was dead, and in a few months, they’d be gone too? Wouldn’t make much of a difference to Adam, he guessed, because it’s not like the guy ever knew they existed. He’d just get back to living his life without them, but what if he didn’t? What if something else came after Adam? He had no way of protecting himself. What if Adam slammed the door in their face? What if Adam didn’t and wanted to get to know them? What if Adam thought that them disappearing off the face of the earth in a few months time meant that his brothers had abandoned him the way their Dad had? That’d be worse, wouldn’t it?

“Who was that?” 

Dean glanced at Sam and stuffed the phone back in his pocket. “Beth. She said he’s not here. He’s at the University of Wisconsin.” 

Sam slowly exhaled a deep breath while he looked past Dean towards the house. “Good . . . I don’t think I was ready to go knock on that door yet.” 

Dean joined Sam in watching the house again and said, “You really think that’s something we should do?” He tried to imagine what it would’ve been like to grow up in that house on this street. He couldn’t do it. It was unimaginable, proably as unimaginable as Adam believing anything he or Sam had to say. 

“How can we not, Dean? At the very least, we have to tell him that Dad’s dead. And we have to do it in person. He deserves that much.” Something occurred to Sam, and he started looking at the streets around them. “Hey, how’d Beth know we were here?” 

That’s when Cas piped up from the back. “She’s behind that tree over there.”

What the hell was she doing over there? God, she could be so weird sometimes. Cas started to say, “She –“ but Dean cut him short. 

“I wanna hear it from her.” 

He waved her over to them, and when she got there, Dean rolled the window down. Smiling, Beth said, “Hi,” but then her smile fell when she saw that Dean wasn’t really in the mood for it. 

“What are you doing here, Beth?”

Beth looked back over her shoulder towards the house and answered, “I wanted to talk to Kate . . . The last time, I –“ She stopped and took a deep breath before she said, “Anyway, I wanted to get her permission to talk to Adam. She gave it. I decided to –“ 

_What the hell is she talking about?_ “Permission? Why do you need permission to talk to Adam?” 

“It’s not for me. It’s for you two. Anyway, I found out something interesting. In this life, just like on the TV show, he’s studying pre-med. In our other life, he was studying mechanical engineering. I never could figure out why that was different in our other life. The only thing that I came up with that could’ve had an indirect impact on Adam was Rachel. I haven’t figured out why yet. Adam, in our other life, said that going to college to learn how to design cars was his way of trying to connect with his Dad. He loved the Impala. John taught him how to drive in her and tune her up, so if he sees her, he’ll recognize her straight away. If you see him without it, he’ll probably come off as friendly and happy until you mention your Dad and who you are, and then he’ll come off as bitter and sarcastic. He’ll act like he wants you to fuck off and never come back. He’ll say something, like he grew up just fine without a Dad and without you, and what do you expect him to want to do, ‘play happy families’ now. He’ll push you away, but it’s the last thing he really wants deep down. He wants to get to know his Dad, and somewhere in there, he knows you two are the only way he’ll ever really get to know John, so stick around for a while and make your presence known after he tells you to fuck off. Then try again, because he won’t come to you. He’s stubborn.”

Sam gave her a half-hearted smile and a nod while he said, “Thanks.” Dean didn’t say anything. He was waiting to see what she did.

She was in the middle of getting something out of her bag to give to them when Dean said, “So, that’s it? You’re not gonna go with us? You’re just gonna take off and do whatever it is you’ve been doing?” Beth started to hand whatever it was to Dean, but before she could, Dean said, “You don’t have to ride with us, but if you’re not in Wisconsin when we get there, don’t bother looking for us after that. I don’t want to see you until this whole thing is over,” while he rolled the window up and started the car. 

He got about 20 feet away, and Sam told him to stop the car, gave him a bitch face, and then told him to pop the trunk. Getting out in a huff, Sam went to the trunk to grab his bags, and then walked back towards Beth, who was still standing in the same spot watching them.

Dean looked back at Cas and said, “You gonna go with her too?” 

Cas shook his head. “No, I’d rather stay with you.” 

Dean hadn’t expected that. “You’re not gonna spend the whole time bitching at me for what I said are you?” Cas sighed and shook his head, so Dean nodded towards the front to let Cas know he could take shotgun. Cas was there a half-a-second later. Kind of weird having an angel as his co-pilot, but it was better than having nobody. Maybe this would give him a chance to get to know Cas. Maybe it’s something he should’ve done a long time ago. 

\------------------

Dean looked around the lecture hall and then down along the row he, Sam, and Cas were sitting in. “What the hell is wrong with her?” 

Sam looked down at the end of their row towards Beth and said, “I think she’s about to have a panic attack?” 

_What?_ “No, why is she sitting way over there?” 

Cas answered, “She won’t be there for long. She’s about to move down to the seat next to him,” just before she got up, and started to walk towards the back of the room, like she was going to leave, and then she stopped, turned around, grabbed her bag, and moved down a few rows to the seat next to Adam. 

Dean leaned into Cas’s shoulder and whispered, “How’d you know that’s what she was going to do? I thought you said she wasn’t letting you know what she thinks anymore.” 

Cas watched Beth strike up a hesitant conversation with Adam. “She isn’t letting me know what she’s thinking. I just know that Gabriel said when she gets pale and shaky it means that she is thinking about something that is emotionally traumatic for her.” 

Sam leaned around Dean to talk to Cas and said, “I’ve never seen her look like that before.” 

Cas kept his attention on Beth for a few more seconds and then looked at Sam. “It doesn’t happen very often, but she has done it ever since she had her breakdown.” 

Dean quickly said, “Breakdown?” 

“Yes, breakdown. It’s why I told you not to be cruel to her.” Cas went back to watching Beth, and Beth said something to Adam, left her stuff at her desk, and took off out of the lecture hall. Dean turned to ask Cas what that was about, but got distracted when Sam got up to go after her. Maybe that should be him, but he didn’t really feel like going after her right now, or at least he didn’t until the lecture on whatever the hell this was started a minute or two later. 

Getting up to go, Dean told Cas to stay there and keep an eye on Adam, and wasn’t really expecting to bump into Adam on his way out of the door. “Hey, uh, you didn’t see a girl come this way did you?” 

Dean was even more surprised that Adam had spoken to him. Now he wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Uh, not sure . . . what’d she look like?” 

Adam looked down the hall past Dean and said, “Uh, never mind. There she is,” before going around him and straight up to Beth. 

Beth was standing doubled over with her hands on her knees, and Sam was rubbing her back and coaching her through taking deep breaths. Adam crouched down in front of her, so he could be at her eye level and ask if she was okay. She clearly wasn’t, and that seemed to upset her more, because she immediately looked at the ground and closed her eyes, so she could block him out. 

Sam started to say maybe Adam should go, and Beth put her hand up to stop him before she took a deep breath, opened her eyes, looked up at Adam tearily. “Sorry . . . You just look exactly like my little brother. You’re mannerisms are the same as his. I didn’t meet him until later in life, but we, uh, we looked out for each other from day one. He would’ve come to check on me before he got to know me too, and . . . I just . . . We were close, and he died . . . I wasn’t there, but I know someone that was, and it was my fault he died, and it wasn’t a fast death, and I know he kept asking for me . . . he didn’t want . . . he didn’t want to die without seeing me again . . . I think he wanted me to make it better for him . . . but I couldn’t because I wasn’t there . . . He . . . He died holding onto this protection amulet we shared for good luck . . . and then I forgot about him . . . How could I – I just, uh, I need some space . . . I just, uh, you shouldn’t miss the lecture on my account. I’ll, uh, I’ll get my stuff after and then I want to talk to you about a few things . . . maybe try to explain. I just need some space right now. I’m sorry, I –“ As soon as she got that out, she just stood up and walked off to go hide in the bathroom. 

Adam watched her go and then stood up before he asked if Dean and Sam knew her. _Used to know her. Don’t really know her anymore. Definitely don’t know the woman I just saw._

Sam’s the one who answered. “Uh, yeah . . . I think this has been coming for a while now. It’s not really because –“ 

Dean hadn’t realized Cas was with them too until Cas said, “Yes, it is. She never got a chance to say goodbye, and she never got to grieve, because that opportunity was taken from her.” 

Adam asked who Cas was, and Dean said, “He’s her shrink.” 

Sam gave Dean an annoyed expression, and Cas said, “I am not a shrink. I am a friend. She had someone she trusted who abused their power and took her memories of her brother from her against her will.” 

Adam quickly said, “Yeah? How’d this ‘friend’ do that.” 

Dean answered, “Hypnosis . . . made her forget everything, like I said, he’s a shrink.” 

Sam pulled Dean aside and said, “Do you really think that lying to him is the best idea if we want him to listen to us later?” 

“What else are we supposed to say? He’s an angel that looks really pissed off at our angel that we can’t remember, but who’s exactly like him? I’m sure that’d go down a whole lot better.” 

Sam got that look on his face that he got when he was about to give Dean some home truths and then said, “Yes. That’s exactly what we should tell him, just not right now. Proving Cas is an angel is probably the best way to get Adam to believe us about Dad being a hunter. What we shouldn’t be doing is lying to him! I think he’s had enough of that already.”

Dean turned when Adam said, “If you guys know her, why weren’t you sitting anywhere near her? And what is her psychologist doing going to class with her? Especially a psychologist who says he’s not a psychologist.” 

Sam sighed and gave Dean a look, like, ‘See!’ before he took a step towards Adam and started to explain until Adam put his hand up and said he didn’t want to hear it. He was apparently going to go wait for her until she came back out, and he didn’t think they should be there when she did. Huh. Sam kept an eye on Adam as Adam set up camp near the bathroom door. Adam threw them a few looks, and then Sam looked at Cas. “Any idea what that’s about?”

Cas shook his head. “I told you they had a profound bond. They were very protective of one another from the moment they met. Gabriel had years to tell me everything he could about his daughter.” 

Sam sighed, like that made sense to him, and then he said, “So, he really is just like our Adam? The more like him he is, the harder it’ll be for her, right?” 

Dean started to say, “None of this –“

Cas interrupted him by saying, “If it doesn’t make sense to you, then you need to get to know her.” _What if I don’t want to get to know her?_

The Beth Dean knew never would’ve held out on him about another brother. Family was everything, and she’d known about Adam since they were in Cold Oak. She should’ve told him. And the more Dean thought about it, the more he thought that he’d given her exactly what she wanted by saying he wanted some space. Gave her a chance to go off and hunt on her own until she said she was going radio silent and cut off almost all contact. Why the hell did she have to do that? It’s not like Bela was some big threat after her contract got torn up. And after they had a chance to meet Bela and see she wasn’t so bad, Beth still kept in minimal contact. The freaking Vatican? She was going to other countries on different continents, and he didn’t even know it. 

The next thing Dean knew, Cas was in his face. “You trivialize all the things she has done to make this lifetime easier for you and focus on her faults instead. She makes mistakes. It’s what humans do . . . Although I do find it disappointing that you would think this is unforgivable given what your brother has done in the last life and this one . . . The other me . . . the one I do not know if I am . . . He was right. Gabriel said he took Beth from you because you do not value her or what she has gone through to be with you . . . You take her for granted . . . I would do the same as the other me if I did not think it would hurt her further . . . I will no longer be staying with you. I am choosing her now that you’ve decided that you will discard her for good . . . Just remember that when you go back in 7 ½ months . . . you have a daughter to consider.”

Sam pulled Dean away and got him to go with him to the Impala. He waited until they got to the bar until he said, “What’d Cas mean when he said you were discarding her for good earlier?” Dean decided to ignore that, so Sam said, “If you do, is it all right if she and I are still friends?” _Sam isn’t going to argue with me about it?_ “What? If you don’t feel it anymore, then you can’t force it. Maybe it is better for her if you stop stringing her along.” _Yeah, Sam would love that._ It’s what Sam had wanted ever since he and Beth became a thing. _Never thought I was good enough for her._

Dean picked the booth he wanted, and took the seat he wanted, so he could watch the doors. Sam sat next to him and said, “So can I?” 

“Can you what, Sam?”

“Still be friends with her?” 

Dean’s frustration got the better of him. “I don’t know, Sam! How about I decide to still be friends with Cheryl?” 

Sam stopped short and then intensely responded, “You can’t be serious! Cheryl was a one-night mistake. Beth is –“ 

“A 13 year mistake. What’s your point?” 

Sam looked like he stopped breathing for a few seconds and then said, “I was going to say family, but if that’s what you think . . . okay. I may not agree with it, but you’re my brother, so okay.” Of course it wasn’t what Dean really thought. He was going to say that, but then Adam and the other two showed up, so he stowed it, so they could get this over with.


	85. Final Days

Sam checked his pocket-calendar again. They were looking at going back to their old lives any day now. They weren’t sure of the exact day, because Dean hadn’t made a deal, so the one-year deadline from when that would’ve been was a little hazy. He had no idea where the time had gone. 

After Dean cut off all ties with Beth, and Beth disappeared, all they’d been doing was hunting, watching that show to see if they’d missed any hunts, and then when they caught up, went past the present and into the future, Dean stopped watching, and Sam felt like it was something he should keep watching, so he could be prepared for whatever it was Beth thought they should be prepared for when she gave the DVDs to them. He finished them a while ago, so he’d started sneaking some of the hunts from the future into their repertoire of current hunts by looking for where specific monsters or pagan gods might be right now.

He watched an episode called _The End_ more than once in preparation for what it might be like when they went back to their real life. He really wasn’t looking forward to living like that, but at the same time, he couldn’t wait to get out of this timeline. Part of it was because he was tired of waiting for the clock to wind down. It made the job feel even more isolating than it had the rest of their lives, because what was the point in getting to know people or being close to people when you knew you were leaving soon?

They hadn’t been to see Bobby or Ellen or Jo. They hadn’t really gone to see Paige. They spent some time with Adam and even took him on a hunt at his insistance. He’d wanted to see more than an angel, so he could have a better idea of what he might need to do to keep his Mom safe in the future after Beth told him that in their timeline, his Mom was killed by a demon. After that though, they hadn’t really talked to Adam much unless he called, and when he did, Dean always reminded him that they wouldn’t be around forever. That was it. That’s all they’d be leaving behind in his world. It was something of a sad, paltry existence. 

Sam guessed that’s all their lives were really supposed to be, the two of them living and hunting and dying next to one another for the greater good. That’s the message he got from that TV show . . . But they were more than that. They had hopes and dreams and needed people like anybody else. It’s just that they had to continuously sacrifice those people for the job and for each other, and for what? If it were anything like what was going to happen in this timeline, the world would go on without them without ever knowing they existed. The world here might even be better off without them, because the more he and Dean fought with each other and for each other, the more damage they did to the world. 

The last thing Sam saw in that show was the TV Sam unleashing the Darkness. He didn’t even know what that was, but it sounded bad. He’d done it to remove the Mark of Cain, but when TV Dean got the Mark, TV Sam ignored all the signs that his brother was in trouble until Dean died and came back a demon. The TV Sam cured Dean of being a demon, and at first the TV Sam had been supportive. He’d told TV Dean that TV Dean was strong enough to overcome the Mark of Cain, but then the first little sign that things weren’t quite right, and TV Sam over-exaggerated the negative effects the Mark was having and pushed forward with getting rid of the Mark. Dean was a violent guy. He always had been. The Mark didn’t make him that way, and because the Sam on that TV show wanted to make up for so many of his mistakes in the past and to keep Dean from becoming a demon again, he’d screwed over the world by getting rid of the mark. Was that really what they’d sacrificed their entire lives to do? Sam hadn’t thought it was. He’d thought it’d been so they could fight the evil in the world together, not become the evil and destroy the world. 

He knew that he’d destroyed the world in their other life for the same reasons too . . . to make up for his mistakes with Dean, and it sickened him. It seemed like that’s something he’d done in every timeline, except this one. Him being alive actually seemed to have a greater negative impact overall than a beneficial one. He hoped that he went back to his home universe with a better understanding of who he was and wanted to be, because it wasn’t that. It was someone who did what he was doing now, looking after his brother and having his brother’s back no matter what, but saving people, not someone who did things that got people killed for any reason, but especially for selfish reasons. One of the best things about going back to their other life was that it meant they were starting at rock bottom. Things couldn’t get any worse in that universe, so anything they did to make things better could only be a good thing. They were rebuilding, and what they did there now mattered. 

The other good thing about going back was that maybe it meant that this nonsense with Dean and Beth would be over. They had to get back together in the other timeline, because they had a daughter together, and they had a world to rebuild together, or that was Sam’s thinking. He missed his family. Dean wasn’t the same. His moods were all over the place. He went overboard on his kills. He’d turned himself into some kind of killing machine with as many hunts as they were blowing through. It’s like killing was what Dean was using to fill the void he felt now that Beth was gone, and it’d only been getting worse the longer it went on. 

Here they were on the road again heading towards yet another hunt, and they only had a few days of civilization left. They should be staying in swanky hotel rooms or eating pie or doing something fun, so they could make some good memories to hold onto when they went back to a universe where none of those things existed. Instead, they were just going to stay in another bedbug-riddled motel, order a pizza, watch some TV while they researched, and then go kill whatever it was they were hunting. 

Sure, they’d save other people from getting killed, but did they have to be all business, and no fun all of the time? Sam never thought he’d be the one to say that. That was Dean’s job, or it was supposed to be, but just like when Dean didn’t have any interest in seeing how much money they could make with that lucky rabbit’s foot, Dean had no interest in doing anything but hunting and drinking half a 5th of whiskey at night in their room. Sam guessed he should be greatful it wasn’t more than that, but when that’s all you’ve got to be grateful for, something was probably wrong. Sam couldn’t wait to get out of this timeline and all of the personal problems it held.

Sam sighed while he went through the online articles about the missing people in this area. He wondered what would happen if they didn’t have enough time to finish this one. He glanced over at Dean, who seemed to be ignoring that their time was almost up by watching and Dr. Sexy, M.D. Rolling his eyes, Sam said he was going out for a few minutes, and Dean barely acknowledged it with a nod. 

As soon as Sam was out the door, he called Bobby and told him that they were working a case in North Carolina with about 4 missing persons. 10 people kept going missing from the area every 50 years, like clockwork, going all the way back to the first settlers here and maybe before that because the area had been generally regarded as an evil place to the Native Americans in the area. He wanted Bobby to know that if he didn’t hear from him in a couple of days, that he should send some other hunters this way. 

Bobby was quiet for a few seconds and then said he could come out right now if they needed help before it became a problem, and Sam had to fight himself over whether or not to tell him not to bother, because if they disappeared, it wasn’t because of the case. He felt like Bobby should probably know they were leaving, but then what good would that do if Bobby couldn’t do anything about it? Bobby would just be stuck waiting for the inevitable too. What if he told Bobby to come, so he could see Bobby one more time, and then they were gone by the time Bobby got here? What if he didn’t tell Bobby anything and told him to stay away, and they disappeared, and Bobby felt like it was his fault, because he hadn’t been here? 

Out of all of those options, he felt like telling Bobby what was going on was probably the best option. Maybe then Bobby wouldn’t think them being gone was his fault. There was no ritual that could trump God’s power on sending them home, plus where they were going was probably better for them than being here now anyway. Maybe not for Bobby, but then they hadn’t seen much of Bobby in this life, so maybe it wouldn’t be that hard for him. 

Sam told him everything he knew about what they were doing here . . . everything. And Bobby . . . well, Bobby didn’t respond the way Sam’d thought he would. “Well, damn. Was hoping she was a little off her rocker when she told me that some months back, but here I have you telling me the same thing.” 

Sam smiled briefly and said, “Beth talked to you about it?” 

Bobby grumbled, “Sure did . . . told me that she knew I didn’t know her too well, but she knew what raising you boys meant to me, so she wanted me to be prepared for it.”

Sam fought with himself over asking, but eventually lost. “Have you heard from her recently?” 

Bobby was quiet for a little too long and eventually said, “I see her every so often when she and that angel of hers stop by to pick up a case. Even met Adam a few times. Seem like a close-knit group.” 

_She’s hunting with Cas and Adam?_ “I thought Adam was going to college.” 

Bobby chuckled. “He is. Says he just hunts on the long-weekends and school breaks, but I don’t buy that for a second . . . Beth stays with him unless there’s a hunt she feels she has to do or I call her for help on a hunt, and then she takes off for days or weeks at a time with Cas until Adam calls her to come pick him up when he’s tired of school. She keeps trying to talk him out of it, but I don’t think she knows she is settin’ a bad example for that boy even if it’s the last thing she wants. They’re not hunting now though . . . last I heard they were going on vacation.” 

_Going on vacation? That’s what Dean and I should be doing._ “You talk to them more than you see them, Bobby?” 

Bobby got quiet again and then said, “Ah, balls! Practically talk to her every day. She’s always callin’ cuz she thinks I’m lonely. Can’t get her to leave me alone.” 

Sam snickered at that. “Did she, uh, ask you to go on vacation with them, Bobby?” Bobby cleared his throat, and Sam said, “Where are you guys goin’, Bobby?” 

Bobby sighed and finally relented. “She’s persuasive when she wants to be. I’m on my way out the door now.” 

Sam smiled. “Bobby, where are you going?” 

“You tell anyone, and I’ll kill ya . . . Ellen’s gonna be watchin’ the phones, cuz I’m heading out for an all-expenses paid first-class trip to Disney World . . . gettin’ an Aston Martin out of the deal. Couldn’t exactly turn that down, now could I?” Sam started laughing and distinctly heard Bobby say, ‘Balls!’ again before he hung up. Bobby at Disney World was something Sam would pay every last cent he’d ever made and every last cent he could ever hope to make to see. That’s what he and Dean were doing instead of this hunt.

“Come on, Dean! We’ll just tell Ellen to send some other hunters here to handle this. We need a break. We’ve earned it.” 

Dean carried on cleaning his gun and shook his head. “And what about the people that disappear between now and when those hunters show up? I’m not willing to let whatever this is have any more.” 

It made Sam mad, because he knew Dean was right, but he wasn’t about to give up yet. “How about we have Ellen put out the word, we keep working the case until the other hunters show up, and then when they get here, we hand everything we find off to them?” 

Dean stopped what he was doing to finally look at Sam and said, “So, let me get this right. You’re pushing for us to go to Disney World?” 

Sam paused. Yeah, he guessed that he was, but if he said that, Dean would never let him live it down. “No, I’m pushing for us to see Bobby at Disney World.” 

Dean grinned, like he knew what Sam was doing, but the thought of Bobby at Disney World was a pretty good save and went back to cleaning his guns. “Wouldn’t mind seein’ that. All right. Call Ellen and have her find somebody . . . What’s he doing there anyway?” 

Sam delayed answering that by calling Ellen to find some other hunters and bought enough time to come up with a good excuse. “He won some kind of an all-expenses paid trip with first class tickets, hotel rooms and an Aston Martin.” 

Dean’s eyebrows arched in surprise. “An Aston Martin, huh? What’d he sign up for a raffle, or –“ Dean stopped himself and looked down while he went back to cleaning his gun and shook his head a little, but decided to keep whatever he was thinking to himself. 

“So, we’re still good on going?” 

Dean was quiet for a few seconds while he thought it through and finally said, “Yeah, wouldn’t want to get in the way of you meeting Goofy.” Good. For a second there, Sam had thought Dean changed his mind.


	86. Awkward Hellos

It was a hard choice to make. Did I want to make it harder for me when I had to leave? What about Adam, Bobby, Paige, or Bela? Did I want to make it difficult for them when we left by spending more time with them, becoming their friend, and then disappearing forever?   
The answer was that I didn’t want to cause them sadness at a departure that would be more permanent than death, but maybe I could bring them together, so they would have each other at the end of all of this. 

Some of them knew more about the supernatural than others, but it was a bond they shared, and maybe someday they could become like family. Maybe they could spend holidays together and work together and keep tabs on each other and go to one another’s weddings or funerals or look forward to the odd phone call and visit. I was essentially playing matchmaker and had been for the last 6 months.

In addition to wanting them to have other people in their lives that they could rely on for the longterm, I’d spent a lot of time with them, because thinking about going back to a universe where Bela, Paige, and Adam were all dead made me want to spend as much time with them as I could, especially Adam. Sometimes I felt guilty about it, because I felt like I was betraying my Adam just by having a good time with this Adam. Sometimes I felt like I was using this Adam almost as a substitute for my Adam, which wasn’t fair to this Adam either. Sometimes the lines between my Adam and this Adam blurred, because I knew they were the same person, it’s just that they had different life experiences that made them different people, kind of like the way Rachel and I were the same person and different people at the same time.

Anyway, here we were on our last day of our vacation. It’d been fun. I liked the roller coasters. Bobby liked the Safari Park. Bela liked the hotel room and the Water Park. Paige liked everything, and Cas was confused by the overall ambiance of the place. I had a multitude of stealthily taken pictures of all of them doing what they would probably think of as embarrassing things that I wanted to develop and have sent to them once a year on the same day. 

I wondered if I could get somebody like Western Union to do that for me. Would I even have time to set that up? If I didn’t, Adam said he’d do it, but then if he was the one doing it, what pictures he was getting wouldn’t be a surprise, which is what I wanted them all to have, a surprise to look forward to each year, a nice little reminder of a few good days in their lives, a pick me up if they needed one when hunting or life got to be too much, or maybe a reminder that there were other people out there who they could talk to if they’d somehow fallen out of touch with one another. 

I couldn’t take the time to develop the pictures if I wanted to have them sent out as surprises to everybody, so I dropped them off at a place that would develop them and ordered 4 copies of each and an extra copy of one I got of all of us, so I could take it with me if I was able to do that. I hoped so. I also hoped that my angel blade would be coming with me. If not, I guess I could ask for it, but I’d cut way down on the amount of things I asked for from Chuck.

By the time I picked up the pictures and had them all set up to be delivered to various addresses on specific dates for the next 20 years or so, it was time to meet up with all of them for drinks back at the room. I had a few things to give them. I was going to give Bobby the keys to the Aston Martin; Bela, the key to the bunker; Paige, all of my journals and any other lore I’d picked up along the way; and Adam an amulet that was like the one he and I used to share in our other life. I didn’t know if that was disrespectful considering the other Adam had it when he died, and it was our thing, but I’d told this Adam about it, so I hoped he and my Adam both understood. Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe neither one of them would. Maybe it was a stupid idea. Maybe I should give him my favorite knives or . . . no my favorite knife was in our other life. I didn’t have it here. It was my lucky silver knife. Maybe I could give him my tranq gun? No, I didn’t want him to start hunting on his own. I wanted him to be able to protect himself, his Mom, and any future family he might have, not hunt. What should I give him? 

That’s pretty much what I was thinking about when I barged into the room I was sharing with Adam and Cas. It’s where the drinking festivities had started, or I thought it was where they were supposed to start. Instead, it looked like the opposite of a party. Everyone stopped talking when I walked through the door. Adam was in an arguing stance. Bela didn’t look all that different and was standing next to him. Bobby was sitting at the table trying to cover up his Donald Duck T-shirt with his flannel. Paige looked uncomfortable, like she’d been caught doing something wrong and was now hiding in the corner trying not to be seen next to Cas who seemed to be trying to do the same thing, and in the middle of it all were Sam and Dean. About a million things and nothing at all went through my head at the same time. 

“Uh, hey, you guys here for the End of This World Party?” That was pretty bad, but I guess I could’ve come up with worse things to say. 

Dean dropped out of his argumentative stance and went to the kitchenette to grab some booze, and Sam smiled uncomfortably before saying, “Yeah, uh, hope that’s all right . . . think somebody forgot to invite us.” 

It sparked Adam and Bela off, and the last thing I wanted was for Sam and Dean to feel, like these people didn’t want them. I wanted that less than I wanted the people here to have their last memories of us to be a big arguing session. Adam and Bela both stopped saying whatever it was they were saying that was akin to Sam and Dean weren’t invited for a reason when I said, “Yeah, I wasn’t sure where to send the invitation. Have a seat. I have to make a few phone calls,” before I headed for the balcony to open the door and get some air in there, and maybe so I could stand half-in and half-out of the room, while I sparked up a cigarette. 

_Oh, glorious cigarettes, how you never fail me in my hour of need . . . unless I don’t have you, and then you do, but I’m fully stocked . . . have boxes of you coming out of all of my pockets, so when I go back, I can hopefully bring you with me. I’ll be Meg’s best friend for sure._

I flipped open my phone and called the front desk to add a steak dinner and a chicken cordon bleu dinner to the order that I’d put in when I was down there, and I added another 3 bottles of champagne and another bottle of whiskey for everyone and two long island iced teas for me. Probably have to add more than that later. 

I heard Sam say, “Listen, I should apologize. We, uh . . . I, uh, I thought –“ I turned to look at him, and he stopped abruptly before he slumped. “That order sounded expensive. How is everyone paying for –“ 

“They aren’t. I am. I’m something of a gambling enthusiast, and I never lose.” 

He ducked his head and nodded. “So, I guess we have to stay now, right?” 

Putting out my cigarette in the ashtray, I lit up another one and said, “You can stay if you want. You can leave if you want. It’s entirely up to you. I just thought the best way to make you feel welcome is if you got food at the same time everyone else did. Plus, who knows how long it’ll be before you get food like that again. Right now most of our animals are being used for breeding programs, and we definitely don’t have asparagus.” 

He smiled at the mention of asparagus and said, “What’s the sleeping situation?” 

Sleeping? I wasn’t entirely sure we would be sleeping. “Depends on if we’re here. If we don’t disappear at midnight central standard time, Adam, Cas and me are staying in this room. Paige and Bela are sharing a room, and Bobby has his own room. You could probably stay with him.” 

He stepped out onto the balcony to join me and leaned against the railing. “So, this is really happening?” I nodded, and he said, “I mean, I know it’s happening, but it’s hard to wrap my head around. I don’t know what to expect. What was it like when you got your memories back in Cold Oak?” 

“I had every thought and every moment of my life land on top of me at once. I was able to pick moments out for a partial second, and then it was onto the next one. It was confusing and made sense at the same time, like I was finding myself again.” 

He looked worried and puffed out a heavy sigh. “I keep watching that episode in season 4 when Zachariah sent Dean to the future. Is that what it’s like?” 

Wasn’t too far off of it actually. “Yeah, except there are more monsters, and they aren’t all your standard monsters. There are a lot of hybrids that are harder to kill. And the entire northern part of North America starting at around central Indiana and Illinois has been covered in snow higher than my head for the last few years, even in the summer. It might’ve been Michael’s way of trying to give the humans that were left a safe haven away from the Croats, because the Croats migrated away from the snowy areas before the snow came. I kind of think he maybe did the same thing in the southern hemisphere too, but I haven’t been able to confirm that. I’m giving him credit, because the snow started melting not long after he died. The Croats might come back when it’s gone, but the Leviathan have been surviving on them, so the number of Croats has gone way down, and if the snow does disappear, at least we’ll be able to grow more food during the appropriate months.” 

He’d gone from being awkward to being in research and attentive mode, so the next thing he asked was where we were going to end up when we went back. “I’m not sure. If we go back to where we were when we started this, I was in Colorado, and you were at the camp. Dean . . . I think my Dad left him somewhere in Kentucky to get back at Dean for banishing him and making him miss Rogue’s first birthday and Christmas.” 

“What if I asked for you to be dropped off at the camp, so you could spend time with Rogue, and . . . might’ve asked for Dean, Cas, and I to be dropped off in Vermont?”

Well, he held onto that little piece of information long enough. “Uh, well . . . then you’re going to have to get ready to fight the Alpha Vampire’s Army . . . not a particularly good way to be sent back.” 

He rolled his eyes and muttered something about how he’d thought the same thing, but somehow the old him had allowed God to talk him into it. “What about Cas?”

“I don’t know. You’ll either get our Cas or this Cas . . . I don’t know which one this is. I don’t know what to do with this Cas if he isn’t our Cas. He can’t go back to Heaven. It’d be best if he came with us if that’s the case. He’ll never be allowed up there again, and he won’t have his human family around him to give him back up. If he can’t come with us, then he’s going to stay with Adam and keep an eye on him . . . just a reminder, the Cas back home is human.”

Sam watched Cas for almost a full minute and then said, “And he’s okay as a hunter when he’s human? If we’re in the middle of a battle when we go back, I need to know how much we can count on him.” I didn’t know. I hadn’t seen Cas as a human hunter. “You can’t expect him to do the kinds of things you’ve seen this Cas do, but he is a warrior. I don’t know what his training at the camp has been like, but I don’t think he needs much. He knows what he’s doing.” 

Sam was going to ask me something else, but that’s when room service brought up our dinner, and none too soon, because I needed a drink. It’s not easy to talk to people you used to live with every day, but don’t know anymore, because you haven’t seen them in 7 months. I think that’s why we’d stuck to just talking about business even though we probably wanted to say more and at the same time had no idea what that was.


	87. Harsh Reintroduction

Dean looked at the plate in front of him. It looked good and smelled awesome. He didn’t want it. He didn’t want to be here. He thought he did until he got here, and now he had no idea what he was doing. This was a mistake, a huge fucking mistake. He knew almost straight away that Bobby getting an Aston Martin meant Beth was involved. She did say she knew how to get one and offered to let him drive it that one time. He hadn’t really thought she was serious, but she must’ve been. 

Maybe part of him had wanted to see her. Enough time had passed that he thought it’d be all right. He’d been completely wrong. Not only was he doing everything he could not to look at her when that’s all he wanted to do and sitting here when all he wanted to do was run for the door, but he was also trying really fucking hard not to say what he was thinking, which was that she stole his and Sam’s family. Not only was Bobby here, but Adam and Paige were here too. He didn’t particularly care about Bela. Beth could have her, but the other three . . . He and Sam had done everything they could not to get involved with these people, because why put targets on these people’s backs when they were going to leave them behind to fend for themselves, and here she was hanging out with them at fucking Disney World, and from the sounds of the conversations, and the presents she’d given them, she saw them all the time. Why didn’t she go find her own fucking family?

Sam was asking Beth about what she thought the mission was supposed to be after this, and Dean went from being pissed off about Beth stealing his and Sam’s family to being pissed off about that. “Well, whatever this mission is, I’m not doing it.” 

Bobby butted in and said, “Not sure if you’re gonna have much of a choice. From what I’ve heard, God knows how to get what He wants.” So, Bobby knew about all of that? Dean looked around at the rest of the table, and they all seemed to agree with Bobby, like they were in the know too. Adam even started coming up with guesses on what the mission might be with Paige. Beth had definitely stolen their family. 

“Don’t know why you’re guessing. Beth knows exactly what God wants us to do.” Everyone looked at Beth, and Bela said, “If she knew, she would’ve said it by now. She only has a theory, and as long as it’s just a theory, she won’t say it,” before she took a sip of wine. 

Sam asked Beth what her theory was, and Beth said, “I’m preparing for something, but I’m not entirely sure that’s what He is going to want or that what He’ll want will be the same for all of us, and I don’t want to say it, so we don’t get blindsided by something else if we walk into that meeting thinking it’s going to be what I think it is.” 

She was infuriating. “But Bela knows this theory you have, right?” 

Bela fielded that one. “No, but I know what she’s looking for when she researches. We all do. We help her do it, so we all have our own theories on what she’s thinking. Hence the reason Adam and Paige were guessing.” 

They were all helping her research? “Care to share with the class?” 

All 5 of them looked towards Beth to get her approval, which annoyed him. She shrugged, so Adam said, “Anything to do with the Oracle, the North Star, the Darkness, the Righteous Man, or Amara in any languages we know, so Bela takes ancient Greek and Latin. Bobby takes Japanese. Paige and I split occult books in English or French for me, and Spanish for her. Beth knows Aramaic, so she’s on the Zoastrian texts.” 

The North Star and Righteous Man? She was having them look up stuff on the two of them. Before he could say that she was stalking him through prophecies, Sam kicked him in the shin and said to Beth, “If you add that to the DVDs you wanted us to watch . . . You think God wants us to what? Stop the Darkness in other universes?” Beth looked down at her empty plate and nodded, and Sam did something Dean didn’t expect. He smiled and said, “It’s so simple that I completely overlooked it . . . if this is training, and we were able to stop the Apocalypse or even the seals from being broken, then we should be able to do that . . . I want to know why your Dad said you getting your memories back was a loophole. Maybe we can use something like that . . . what do you think was up with your Dad’s rules?” Great. Dean had lost his one ally to nerdsville as his brother followed Beth out to the balcony to discuss that while she smoked.

“You all right, Dean?” Dean went from looking at his brother in a deep discussion with Beth to glancing at Paige, who was sitting next to him, and then down at his plate when she said he hadn’t touched it. Everyone else was done and spread out all over the room getting drunk. He’d probably be doing the same thing if he knew how much time he had before he was going to be picked up and thrown into a post-Apocalyptic nightmare. 

It wasn’t just that though. He didn’t want to say or do something he’d regret, so he was laying off of having too much liquor tonight. He’d already reached his limit before dinner. “You wanna tell me how it is she stole our family? It’s cuz you all think I’m a dick, right?” 

Paige smiled and said, “No, we’re more like her island of misfit toys that she’s trying to bring together before she’s gone. We all have potential targets on our backs for various reasons. She doesn’t want any of us to be alone. It’s not the ‘We hate Dean Club.’ Doesn’t have anything to do with you. If anyone asks, she tells us whatever happened was her fault, and you were right to end things.” 

Oh. “Then why the hell did Adam and Bela give me shit when me and Sam got here?” 

“They’re like her bodyguards on anything they think might be a threat to her. They thought you might be a threat . . . Are you?” 

Dean drew his attention away from his brother and Beth and looked at Paige again. “You think I’m gonna hurt her? What, like I’m gonna go throw her over the balcony or –“ 

Paige shook her head and said, “Why are you here, Dean?” He didn’t know. It wasn’t to kill Beth anyway. Paige got tired of waiting for an answer and said, “If you’re here to mend things with her, then make sure it’s what you want. You can’t keep breaking things off. I get that it’s not fair, but even if you don’t remember the Dean in this other life, she does. If what happened this time was her fault, then it was her fault, but if what you want is for the two of you to be as close as you used to be, how can you expect her to go back to that if she expects you take off the first chance you get . . . doesn’t matter what the reason is, whether it’s for her own good or because she’s not who you want her to be or because she does something that pisses you off. None of us know what’s going to happen when you guys leave, if you guys really are leaving, but you need to make up your mind once and for all on which way you want it when you get where you’re going, and leave it at that.” 

Awesome. Somebody else butting in and telling him to end things with her. Cas and Sam both did the same damn thing 7 months ago. He wasn’t entirely sure that wasn’t a big part of the reason why he did what he did. 

“She tell you that we have a kid together? It’ll never really be over.” 

“I saw the picture. Adam has it in his wallet and says that’s his niece every time he meets somebody new. Staying with Beth solely because of your child isn’t the right thing for your daughter if it isn’t want you want.” Yeah, but their daughter needed a Mom and Dad, so he said that, and Paige disagreed. “You don’t even remember your daughter. She might as well be a baby model in a picture frame to you, so I know you’re not saying that for her. Like I said, Winchester. Figure it out, or maybe you don’t neeed to . . . maybe the guy who upended his entire family because he wanted the chance to see what it was like to grow up with Beth in his life, is the man who you’re going to be when you get back. Maybe that guy is going to understand who she is a hell of a lot better than you, and none of the things that she did to piss you off are going to matter to him . . . even if you think he’s a douche. If that’s the case, then this message is for him. Stop playing these kinds of games. They’re the only kind of game she doesn’t know how to play and will never win.” 

Dean leaned forward and said, “How’d you know I think he’s a douche?” and Paige smiled. 

“Cas told me. He is the biggest gossip I’ve ever met even if he doesn’t mean to be. He’s mostly just way too honest and says inappropriate things when he shouldn’t.” Yeah, Cas did have a big mouth.

The rest of the night was a bit of a blur with him talking to Bobby, Cas, Adam, and Paige and trying to avoid Beth. Unfortunately, it meant that he spent most of the night avoiding Sam too, because Sam was attached to her at the hip. Hadn’t really thought about what being away from Beth had meant for Sam. Ever since she came on the road with them, she’d helped Dean take care of Sam, whether it was with school or bullies or hunts. She’d been another person to help make sure Sam got the birthdays and Christmas mornings and graduations and soccer tournament celebrations Sam deserved . . . She hadn’t been there when they were really little, but she’d been there for Sam’s teenage years, and Sam didn’t even question which one he should be loyal to when things fell apart. That’s what a brother was, the only person Dean could trust, somebody that was . . . out there smoking with Beth. What the fuck? That was his thing, not Sam’s. 

Dean found himself walking towards them without really thinking about what he was going to say when he got out there. Before he knew it he was on the balcony, and looking at Sam holding a cigarette in his hand that wasn’t lit. Why the hell – 

The next thing Dean knew, he was standing in the middle of the woods with snow up to his knees. The light coming up off of the snow was the only way he could see anything. It was pitch black, fucking freezing, and a world away from Orlando. He heard movement to his right, and saw the outline of Sam standing there. Sam’s breaths were freezing on the air in short, fast bursts, like he was freaking out. Maybe he should be. It’d really happened. Part of Dean hadn’t thought that it would. Wasn’t prepared for this at all. “Hey, where’s –“ 

The next thing Dean knew Cas was throwing him into a tree and putting his finger up to indicate Dean needed to be quiet before he took a step back, grabbed his angel blade out of the front pocket of his hoodie and threw it into the neck of a vamp that came running up at them from the left. After that Cas stalked over to the vamp that’d fallen to it’s knees, removed the angel blade and used it to cut the vamp’s head off in a single swipe. Was this the Cas they just left, or the other Cas? This guy wasn’t dressed the same. 

Sam must’ve been wondering the same thing, because after the kill, Sam whistled to get Cas’s attention and put his hands over his head, like a halo. Cas gave him an annoyed look and shook his head. So, this Cas wasn’t an angel. Still a badass though from what Dean could tell. Sam looked around and before he could signal anything else, Cas walked past them and headed in another direction. Guess he was leading them somewhere else? Dean stayed where he was. He thought he was supposed to remember living this life, and he didn’t . . . at all. Sam grabbed Dean by the arm and pulled him along with him. 

What the hell just happened? Why did Dean feel the way he used to feel in school when he hadn’t paid attention to anything the teacher had said and then got called on to answer a question? About the only thing he understood right now was that there must be vamps around. How many he didn’t know, but he got the impression that there might be a lot. And where the fuck did all their weapons go? “Sam, do you remember –“ Sam put his hand over Dean’s mouth and looked around to make sure nothing had heard that before he looked down at Dean and shook his head. So, they were in the post-Apocalyptic nightmare and had no idea how to survive it? This was bad. This was really, really bad. God was a dick.


End file.
